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one.
mike had barley been back, but such little time managed to produce emotions. strong ones, hidden ones, tiny ones, unnoticed ones, unavoidable ones. mike had barley been back, and will was already attempting to push his back down, back to where they'd always been.
the overwhelming feelings came first, when he saw mike at the airport. god, he'd realized how much he had missed him, though he'd spent most of his schoolyear trying to forget about every feeling, every thought he'd ever had about mike. he knew he couldn't, shouldn't, that it wasn't healthy. but he needed to, he needed to do what was right.
mike was el's.
mike had someone else, why would he need him?
he'd brought the painting, to the airport, for mike. but he had el. he kissed her, brought her flowers, held her tight. will watched on, realizing he didn't need the painting.
he didn't need it, he had el.
"what's that?"
"just an uh, painting. it's nothing."
"oh, cool."
the way mike had hugged him; it wasn't a hug. he'd patted his shoulder awkwardly, which left will standing there. he'd felt like an idiot, standing in that airport, emotions pouring out of his chest and spilling onto the floor; mike never noticed, and he wouldn't notice the emotions radiating off will even if they suffocated him, like a cloud of perfume.
mike was so happy to see el.
he hadn't missed will had he?
~-~-
"if i only could, i'd make a deal with god, and i'd get him to swap our places."
~-~-
two.
will had been watching mike and el skate around the rink. he had been trudging slowly behind them, eyes trained on mike and the way he laughed with her. every time his face lit up, will felt happiness, as well as sadness.
why couldn't he make mike smile like that?
the entire visit to the skating rink, will had been wallowing in his own emotions, his silent pining after an oblivious mike taking place once again.
they held hands, laughed, joked.
mike didn't speak to will, too caught up in his time with el.
eventually, they all got off the rink, and went to get food. will didn't speak much, not wanting to interrupt the conversation between the lovers.
el had soon been pulled back into the rink by angela, will highly aware of the prank about to ensue. mike watched, both of them sat next to eachother; one painfully aware, one oblivious, and vise versa.
"el, she hasn't been telling you everything." will had turned to look at him, a grimace falling upon his features.
mike turned to him, "what are you talking about?"
"she's lying to you, mike." will's voice turned more frantic.
"bullshit."
"listen to me," will glanced back to the rink, sending panicked glances to mike. "she's having problems here."
"problems. okay, what kind of problems?" mike looked back at the rink again.
it'd started.
mike grew frustrated, running to hopefully get the dj to shut the music off.
will watched, confused and anxious. he didn't know how to help, and he watched everything ensue hopelessly.
he watched as mike skated to el, calling out her name.
he didn't get to her, and will had met up with mike to help him search for her.
he'd gone and checked the bathrooms, not finding her there. they had both grown frustrated, and mike sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. the two started off in a different direction, and will glanced around desperately.
"not there?" will questioned.
"no," mike let out a breath, "you should've told me she was having trouble." mike began to blame will, frustration seeping into his voice.
"well i didn't know they were gonna be here mike." will spoke exasperated.
"yeah but you knew she was having trouble for a year and you didn't tell me."
will scoffed, "i didn't know she was lying to you."
"which is why you decided to be a douche to her all day?!" anger portrayed itself in mike's voice, the two still wandering around attempting to find el.
the two argued back and forth, mike continuing his claims of will being an asshole to his girlfriend, which will completely denied.
the two had stopped at this point, mike throwing his hands up dramatically as he continued his argument. "you were rolling your eyes, moping. you were barley talking." mike gestured at will, who stood with a look of confusion and hurt. "you basically sabotaged the whole day."
will's thoughts came back once more,
why would mike need will, when he had el?
will scoffed again, "well she was lying to you, mike!" he gestured at mike in retaliation, shuffling back and forth from foot to foot. "straight to your face, ever since you got here." his voice quieted slightly, hurt seeping into his chest and showing in his voice. "and i've been a total third wheel all day, it's been miserable."
"-so sorry if i wasn't.. wasn't smiling." will was frustrated with the blame, and the realization that all mike cared about was someone else.
mike, seemingly disregarding it all, just rolled his eyes. "yeah, whatever man," and stalked off.
will felt his chest constrict painfully. he couldn't stop the words from spilling from his lips.
"well, what about us?"
mike turned, stopping his movements. "what?" his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
will shrugged, "you're mad that i didn't talk to you? seems like you've made it *super* clear that you're not interested in anything i have to say."
mike scoffed this time, "that's just not true."
"you've called maybe a couple times. it's been a year, mike." will's hands made exasperated gestures, "meanwhile el has like a book of letters from you."
"that's because she's my girlfriend, will."
"and us?"
"we're friends." mike gestured between the two of them. "*we're friends.*"
"we used to be best friends."
"well then, maybe you should've reached out more. i- i don't know. but why is this on me? why.. why am i the bad guy?"
will said nothing, because there went mike again.
blaming anybody else.
mike didn't stay to eat dinner with will that night, and went to take el her food.
nobody realized will's birthday was that day.
~-~-
"been running up that road,
been running up that hill,
been running up that building,
say, if only i could, oh"
~-~-
three.
this had happened over a couple years beforehand.
although, mike clearly labeling will as something so little as a friend to him, had sparked the feelings and ignited the memory and emotions that came with it.
;
it was pouring, the rain hitting the pavement steadily as will raced out of the byer's house; a bag in hand, that he was hurrying to pack. he was walking to his bike, an upset mike trailing behind him.
"will, come on. you can't leave, it's raining."
will ignored him, stuffing his bag quickly and attempting to keep emotions bottled up in his chest.
"listen, i said i was sorry alright?" mike stopped beside him, watching will hurrying to close his bag. "it's a cool campaign, it's really cool. we're just not in the mood right now-"
will's anger toppled over, and he spun around to glare at mike. "yeah, mike, that's the problem- you guys are never in the mood anymore."
the pattering rain drowned out the volume slightly, but it was still obvious that will's voice was raised. anger and hurt were evident in his tone, and his face expressed similar emotions, although his eyes surged with others that were unknown to mike.
"you're ruining our party-"
"that's not true!"
"really?" will scoffed, "where's dustin right now?"
mike looked away, at a loss for an answer.
"see?" will gestured out to the rain, frustration boiling as mike didn't seem to be comprehending what he'd done wrong. "you don't know, and you don't even care, and obviously he doesn't either and i don't blame him." he'd started rambling now, but could care less as he couldn't keep down the boiling emotions anymore.
"you're destroying everything and for what?! so you can swap spit with some stupid girl?"
mike got defensive, his angry face moving closer to will's as his voice raised. "el's not stupid."
"it's not my fault you don't like girls."
that line hit will hard.
mike had no idea.
he never had, he wouldn't, he won't.
will stared at him, hurt evident in his eyes as they glanced across mike's face.
mike sighed, "i'm not trying to be a jerk. okay?"
will gulped, not knowing what to say in response.
"i mean, what did you think, really? that we were never gonna get girlfriends? that we were just gonna sit in my basement and play games for the rest of our lives?"
will glanced around, bringing a hand up to swipe at his eye nonchalantly, swiping the tear from his cheek.
he thought mike hadn't noticed, but he had.
"yeah," will sniffled, "i guess i did."
"i really did."
and with that, will got on his bike, riding off in the rain.
he heard mike calling his name, but the rain soon drowned himself as he peddled farther and farther away from the boy.
the saddened boy he'd left standing on a porch, wondering what he'd done and why will being upset hurt him so much.
~-~-
"you don't want to hurt me,
but see how deep the bullet lies,
unaware, i'm tearing you asunder,
ooh, there is thunder in our hearts
is there so much hate for the ones we love?
tell me, we both matter, don't we?"
~-~-
four.
will had been doing finishing touches on the painting he'd made, giving it a once-over and correcting anything that needed it. the painting itself? him and mike, sat on swings, when they'd first met. the meeting mike had described himself many times.
it was supposed to be a present for mike, something to show how much the boy meant to him; he'd meant to had given it to mike at the airport, but he'd been more concerned with his girlfriend so will decided to save it. using the extra time, he'd been adding extra touches and finishes.
he had it set up in the corner of his room, with all his paints, etc. it wasn't visible to those who walked in the room, only from that side in the corner where his stool was set, could you see the full painting and what it was of.
he'd started to put a finish on it, sealing the paint on the canvas when a loud bang snapped his focus. will glanced up, watching his door swing upon and mike rush in, slamming the door behind him. the other boy plopped himself on the edge of will's bed, his face falling into his hands as his knee bounced anxiously.
will raised an eyebrow, continuing his task rather quickly and flicking the small fan beside him on, to dry the finish quicker. "woah, didn't know you were coming over."
no response from mike caused will to start to worry. "mike? are you okay?"
the latter stayed silent for a few moments, then blurted out a sudden "me and el broke up."
will was shocked, as he'd been convinced as everyone else had seemingly been, that those two were inseparable and nothing could get between the two.
"wait, what? what happened?" will stuttered over his words, worrying about his friend as emotions began to weld up in his chest again.
mike shook his head, knee bouncing as his shoulders shook lightly. "i don't know man- i just, i can't, i don't know-"
will stared at him, confusion evident on his face as his head raced with thoughts.
"but you guys were fine? i'm confused- did something happen?"
"we weren't, maybe she was but i wasn't. i don't think either of us were though."
"did something happen, mike?"
"yes, and no." mike glanced up, eyes roaming the posters on the walls and decorations. his hands were clasped in his lap, and he seemed to be distracting himself by looking at anything other than will.
"just- i don't want to talk about it, i can't. it's just over."
the other boy nodded silently, and mike collapsed back against the covers of will's bed. the latter continued what he was doing beforehand, now that the finish was dry and proceeded to roll the painting up. this caused noise, triggering mike to turn his head to look back at will and raise an eyebrow at him.
mike rolled his eyes, "what's that stupid painting for anyway?"
will froze, actions halting as his eyes started to swell.
stupid, that's all it was.
he felt dumb.
why would mike want a stupid painting?
why didn't he?
will tried, he really did. why wasn't anything he did good enough for mike?
he clasped the painting tightly, not enough to damage it as his other hand was clenched in a tight fist. will locked his jaw, taking a deep breath and willing his tears at bay. he slowly stepped out from behind the easel, painting in hand.
will locked eyes with mike's confused ones, and scoffed. "apparently for something stupid as well, then." his voice was shaky, but his words were harsh. with that, he chucked the painting into the chest of mike, and quickly turned and stalked out of the room.
mike yelped, springing up from his spot on the bed and picking up the painting. "ow! what the hell was that for?!" he was ignored, and he watched will's shaking figure stalk down the hallway. the dark haired boy quickly unrolled the painting to see what it was.
and there, portrayed just how he remembered, was the scene in which him and will had first met.
fuck, he'd messed up.
he decided he'd look closer at the painting later, and quickly got up and darted after will.
they ended up outside, on the porch, where the heavy pouring rain surrounded the two. will was staring out at it, tears starting to flow now. his chest felt heavy, emotions pouring out of it and pooling around him. he felt as if he was suffocating, and mike was stuck in the cloud of his own combined with will's.
he was stood behind the smaller boy, who ran his hands through his hair in distress. neither of them spoke, and mike just stared with an ache in his chest, unsure of what to say.
will eventually broke the silence, words slicing through the thick air surrounding them. "gives you deja vu, no?" his words were sour.
mike's face twisted in confusion, "huh? of what?"
the other boy chuckled bitterly, "remember? that argument, those years ago. it was you and el against the world back then, thought it'd always be like that."
"i thought so too," mike sighed, "i don't want that."
will ignored it, continuing. "you remember when you said it wasn't your fault i 'don't like girls', mike?" his voice cracked, and he stepped closer to the rain, turning around to look mike in the eyes.
will's hazel eye's met mike's dark ones, emotion's in them finally understandable to mike. the latter's eyes scanned will's, not missing the hurt, sadness, but also love and misery swirling in them. mike stayed silent, confusion evident on his face as his eyes gazed into will's.
the smaller boy chuckled dryly, "you were wrong then, always have been. you just never fucking realized it, mike." will's expression fell, voice softening as he stuttered slightly, "it's always been your fault."
mike's face twisted in realization, and with the relief that flooded his chest, along came confusion. he still didn't understand, why would will want him? how long? is that what he meant?
"i don't understand, will, this doesn't make any damn sense-"
will scoffed, quickly turning and walking off into the rain.
mike would be damned if he let him leave again.
the dark haired boy quickly followed the other into the rain, calling his name as he tried to catch up to him.
"will! for christ's sake, will-"
will cut him off, "you said we were friends, right? you want us to be friends?" he didn't give mike a chance to respond, "if that's want you want, then why do you treat me like this, huh? you act like an asshole but then want to be friends?!" his voice was raising, and he'd started to yell over the sound of the rain hitting the pavement around them. he was staring at mike, expression yearning and exhausted- he willed for mike to care, for mike to feel what he felt; he wanted mike to feel the same, feel him, want him.
"that's not what i want?! i don't want to be friends will!" mike yelled without thinking, but soon realized how it sounded as soon as the words fell from his lips.
will sniffled, turning back around to walk away again, but mike quickly ran up and grabbed his arm.
"fuck, will that's not what i meant-"
will shook his head frantically, and mike spun him around to try and make the boy look at him. will avoided eye contact, tears streaming down his face fell like the rain; mike knew they were tears though, he knew what he'd done. he knew how will was feeling.
"will i'm sorry- i'm sorry, please, just look at me." mike's voice was pleading, and he was trying to keep his own composure.
the boy refused, and mike brought his hands up to gently cup will's cheeks. he swiped at the other's tears gently, but will stayed quiet, body going still.
mike spoke softly, "it was my fault right? how so, will? tell me."
the emotions and thoughts in will seemed to bubble over in that moment, and he layed his heart there in front of him. he layed out everything, his feelings, thoughts, hurt, and his heart, right there out on the pavement. what happened to it, was up to mike.
"what if i told you i've been in love with you since we were kids, mike?" will choked out, his voice wavering. "what does that change? it changes nothing, because it's el. it's always been el. it was her back then, it was since and all of a sudden isn't now? just because you all of a sudden aren't wrapped around her finger, me spilling out everything i've ever felt and still feel about you is supposed to change anything?"
will stopped to catch his breath, a sob falling from his lips. "that's the thing, mike. it changes nothing. because you never realize anything. but it also changes everything because, after all, you don't want to stay friends, especially not now. i'm sorry-" another choked sob then he tried to keep quiet interrupted his words, and he looked away from mike's eyes.
he was afraid of the resentment he feared he'd find in them.
"let's just leave it at that," will finished, "i made a stupid painting for a stupid reason to give to a stupid person over stupid feelings-"
he was unable to finish his sentence, due to the lips that were quickly planted on his own. will's eyes widened, tears still falling from them and mixing into the kiss, and a few of mike's own also fell.
will's face was morphed with confusion, but his eyes drifted closed as he realized the situation. he lost himself in mike, savoring the feeling of his lips and the feelings it sparked in his chest. he savored the way one of mike's hands softly stroked the tears from under his eyes, while the other clutched at his waist desperately; as if he was afraid will would disappear if he didn't.
mike hadn't thought before he acted, and he didn't know how to respond to all of the things will was saying- he didn't know what to say himself. so he tried to convey all of that, into the kiss he shared with will. he wanted will to understand how he felt, how he didn't want to be an asshole and why he said he didn't want to be friends. he wanted will to understand all the words he couldn't say.
will had never kissed anyone, had feelings for anyone- other than mike. it's always been mike, so he was less than experienced with anything like this- even with feelings.
mike guided him, pulling back to let him catch his breath, softly leaning his forehead against will's.
"i said i didn't want to be your friend," mike spoke gently, "because i've wanted you as much more than that for a long time, will."
more tears slipped from will's eyes, and his hazel ones stared up into dark ones that were filled with emotion.
mike felt his heart twinge with pain, as he watched the one he loved cry. he hated it, and more-so hated that he was the cause of it. "god, i'm sorry will, i'm so sorry for hurting you like i have."
will took initiative, seeing mike was about to release him completely, and raised himself up to press his lips to mike's. it was his turn to try and put his feelings into that kiss, although he didn't know what he was doing.
the sadness had dimmed, and he felt content at that moment; in the comforting arms of someone who loved him. he wouldn't rather had been anywhere else in that moment, finding happiness in mike, finding happiness in the two of them.
mike released the kiss to breathe, pressing a couple small kisses to will's lips afterwards. he trailed them along the other boy's jaw, and quickly snuggled his nose against his neck. his arms were wrapped protectively around will, holding him tight against his body.
"i'm sorry will, i hate that i hurt you like this for so long," mike let out a quiet sniffle, "like you said, if it was my fault, so let me solve the problem then. let me make sure you won't need to like anyone else, or girls, or whatever." will nuzzled his face into mike's shoulder, nodding silently as a sign he was listening.
"i love you, will, and you're all i want."
and so they stood, in the rain, wrapped in eachothers arms. whispering words to eachother neither had the confidence to say for a long time prior, not bothered by the cold rain pouring around them.
they were content there, in eachother's arms for the time-being.
it was enough for the both of them.
~-~-