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There’s always been this extraterrestrial pull Max feels towards Helen. This sense of need when it comes to the proximity between them. It’s something he’d fought for a long time, something he was so afraid of acting upon because fear is the ultimate motivator. Yet, when fear is removed from the equation, the forces between Max and Helen took control all on their own.
Max has pictured this moment in his mind for longer than he could have ever imagined. The moment all the stars aligned and his lips finally touched Helen’s. The moment where all logic and reason were thrown out the window and love remained the one most pertinent feature. Love took the reins, and for the first time in a very long time, Max didn’t fight it.
Helen’s hand was quick to slam the front door behind them. He could feel her staggered breath against his neck as they wrestled their entangled bodies against the stairwell. His mouth trailed the edges of her lips, starved yet tender all in one motion.
Once they made it to the top of the stairwell Max momentarily glanced around him to take in her apartment. It was large, massive actually. But it’s very Helen, not overly decorated or cluttered, simple and put together. Helen’s eyes caught his as she pulled back from Max’s kiss, “do you want a tour?”
Max is quick to respond as he shakes his head and dives back into her, into their romance he’d done everything but pursue until now. Their souls are on fire as Helen’s hands run up and down his cervical spine and jawline. Max works against her as he pulls the top of her dress off. As much as he loves her chocolate skin in black clothing, he wanted to learn to love it even more without.
Helen smiles as he rips her clothes off and she follows swiftly by stripping Max of his henley. Her hands continue to grasp his neck as she peppers his lips and cheeks with hungry kisses. The touch between them is urgent and powerful. Max unclasped her bra in one instantaneous motion.
Helen looks at Max, creating a small space between them. Max smiles down upon her, looking briefly at her chest to make sure this is very much real. Her body was flush against his and it wasn't a dream. And with all the assurance Max needed, he leans back in, pressing his face against hers, letting the taste of Helen’s tongue fill his mouth.
By the time they make it to the floor, Helen is on top of him, pressing kisses down along his chest and abdomen. He’s never felt closer to someone in his life. Max lets Helen take the lead as they eventually switch places and he trails her body with the same path of love. It’s not rushed between them, it’s so perfectly timed by the universe that neither of them wants to tempt fate.
The New York City lights and sounds illuminate the loft around them. The moonlight creates enough room for vision as Max moves into Helen. Helen doesn’t flinch or back away at his motion, instead, she leans into it. Leans into an unparalleled level of intimacy built on a foundation equally terrifying as comforting.
There are a million things Max takes note of as he connects with Helen. He traces his fingers around each one of her tattoos, letting his mind wonder who the woman he’s fallen for really is outside of the walls of the hospital.
Max has gotten to know Helen’s soul more than his own, and now he’s getting to know her body.
The skin on her neck is delicate and soft, and Max quickly realizes how much she loves being touched there. Helen’s breath is hitched as she grasps his short brown hair. Her heart is equally full with her lips against his shoulder blades and fistfuls of Max’s hair as it is when he opens his heart to carry some of her burdens.
She’s like a night sky. Something Max could spend his whole life trying to figure out. Something that lights his way through the deepest darkest moments. But it didn’t take a kiss for Max to know he’s fallen completely in love with Helen, all it had taken was a single glance in the right direction.
———
The beginnings of a sunrise start to peek through the wall of windows Max and Helen are lying under. They’d made their way to her bed at some point and Max had fallen asleep with Helen’s arm flat across his stomach. Even in the moments where consciousness was forgotten, their bodies still found each other.
Max opens an eye as he wriggles softly under her sheets. His gaze is only on Helen’s sleeping figure. Her brows are relaxed and her face is glowing from the moonlight. The woman he knows to be so determined and headstrong is at complete contentment in front of him. Her professional and poised front is exchanged for serenity and peacefulness in a sleeping state.
Max gently moves toward the bottom of the bed and starts to kiss her body. His lips make a trail of love from her thighs to the tips of her shoulders. Under his breath, he mumbles, “Is this even real?”
He isn’t necessarily stuck in a half-awake daze as much as he’s stuck in utter disbelief of his current position under the stars with the woman he has dreamt about for so long.
“I have thought of nothing but you and this for so long. Thought it, but didn’t know how to say it—or maybe I was afraid to. And now it just feels like I have a future again, with you, just like this.”
Helen’s eyes are wide open by the time he’s reached her neck. Her heart is racing at a pace so rapid she’s certain it’s not a healthy thing. And there’s not a single part of her that can reason why it is, however, she can only muster one response. “I should never have let you in.”
Helen’s words hit Max like a freight train carrying the heaviest of loads. It’s a phrase he never expected to hear. It’s a knifed expression that rips through his chest.
“What?” Max mumbles as he pulls away from her body, draping the sheet back over Helen.
Without a reply Helen scrambles up out of the bed and into what Max assumes is her bathroom.
As Max watches her walk away, his mind drifts to the worst. Was this all there was between them? The built-up sexual tension that could be resolved in one sweep? Or is this the one thing he’s most afraid of crawling back in?
Fear of the unknown. Fear of changing everything they have.
———
Ten minutes have passed by the time Helen reappears from the bathroom. Every last drop of makeup is removed from her face and she’s changed into her nightclothes. Max holds his breath as he watches her sit down at the end of the bed. She’s just as radiant and breathtaking as before.
However, Max can tell, she’s put her guard up again. Helen had collected herself in the bathroom, and now she had come back to face reality, a lot less vulnerable than she had been lying naked in bed with Max.
“Talk to me, Helen. What’s going on?” Max asks as he sits up in her bed, staring into her soul with his piercing blue eyes.
Helen turns to face him but then reverts to the window, “when I was in London, I had this profound feeling. I was getting Mina settled, being there for my mum. I just felt so exposed…but in the best way,” Helen smiles softly as she turns back to face Max with a downcast look on her face. “It made me realize just how much of myself I put away. Packed it up and crossed an ocean to become someone else in a place where I have no history.” Helen’s mind floats back to the person she was when she came to New York. A young resident doctor, seeking a life she knew absolutely nothing about. A young woman following the butterflies of a completely different and new life.
Max reaches for Helen’s hand, taking her fingers and intertwining them with his. “It was self-preservation, but what’s left now?” Helen asks.
Max shrugs, letting the silence of the moment be all the words she needs to hear from him. “Of me?”
A single tear rolls down Helen’s cheek as Max scoots his body closer towards hers, still not breaking a personal bubble he can sense more now than ever before. “You can take some time off, take a leave of absence. You can go back to London for a while.” Max knows it’s just words and those hardly mean anything in this situation, so he reassures her with his presence and the squeeze of her hand.
Helen turns completely towards Max, letting her whole body and its tiny figure be seen. “Max, I need to find myself again. And I can’t do that if what we have is gonna change. You’re the one thing in the last three years that has kept me from falling apart most days. If I lose that, I don’t know who I’ll be.”
Helen’s heartfelt confession makes Max’s heart skip a beat. It wasn’t that she was afraid of them. She’s afraid that he doesn’t know the real Helen Sharpe because even she feels as though she doesn’t.
“Helen, I’m not gonna lie because I know this night is going to change everything between us, but in the best way. I’ve dreamed of this moment for a long time, and now that we’re here, I’m not gonna stop fighting for this…for us.” Max makes his intentions clear as he stands up and moves towards Helen, sitting down on the side of the bed next to her. “I want to help you find yourself because you helped me find myself.”
Helen looks Max in the eye, “I did?” She inquires with an innocently raised brow.
Max nods, “after the accident and during my last couple rounds of precision therapy, all I had was New Amsterdam. The only thing I had control of was that hospital. And you were what I saw every time I thought of New Amsterdam. I would throw tantrums to initiate change, but by the end of the day, you would have a thoughtful plan worked up and laid on the top of my very disorganized desk. In the unspoken, you were helping me rebuild. You allowed me to do what I needed to do, to grieve in a sense, and in turn, I came out a different person because of it—a better person.”
Helen knows all of Max’s words are true. She’d given him her whole self, she’d fought to be all of the above when he couldn’t be. It was a trade she made subconsciously and would make it again in a heartbeat. “So let me do this, Helen. Let me be there for you.”
Helen’s terrified to give her heart away again. It’s the one thing in life she’s most afraid of. But Max’s soft gaze and reassuring smile are enough to make a crack in her resolve, “what about Luna? You just got her back. This is gonna change everything for her too.”
Max grins at Helen’s interest in his daughter. The daughter kept away from her in an attempt to protect all of them. “Luna has never had a female role model in her life, a mother figure perhaps, and there’s no one I’d want in her life more than you.”
Those words hit Helen like a load of bricks. Max had done everything to keep her away from Luna when she was a baby, and now he wants her in his daughter’s life? That was all she needed to know just how serious Max was taking all this.
“Are you sure?” Helen questions.
Max stands up and pulls open the sliding door to her terrace, “New York! I love this woman! And I want to spend…”
Helen’s hands are quick to cover his mouth as she sprints out the door behind him. “Max, stop.”
Max’s loud mumble continues to be disguised by Helen’s hand, “okay! Okay!” Helen says, loudly. “Max, just stop.”
“I won’t stop until you tell me that you’re going to try.” Max levels Helen.
Helen looks up at Max, “how?” She counters.
“We don’t need to know how, all we need to do is know why. And now that I’ve held you, and I’ve kissed you, I have all the reasons to try.” Max’s blue eyes twinkle in the darkened moonlight, almost as if they’re a reminder of the glimmer of hope in a new way of life.
“I love you,” Helen says as she grabs his hands, holding them close to her chest.
Max’s face immediately lightens at her confession. He’s waited his whole life for this. And maybe, just maybe, he knows that she has to.
“I love you.” Helen repeats, this time much more sincere and heartfelt. It’s less of confession as it is more a profession of something she knows to be so aboundingly genuine.
Helen’s words don’t truly gain legitimacy until she says them again. Because one time is enough to be forgotten, but twice is the equivalent of a whole lot of life in a single phrase.
Helen presses her forehead against Max’s, taking in the quiet sounds of her neighborhood in Chelsea. The moments she’s felt most connected to him are the ones in near-total silence, and as Max lowers his chin to place a gentle kiss on her lips, she knows it’s especially true now.
His kiss lingers like the chill of a crisp morning breeze, but it indescribably warms her heart. A feeling Helen has only ever received from Max.
———
Once the mid-morning sun has been pushed through the windows of Helen’s loft, Max is dressed and Helen is rummaging through her kitchen cabinets to find any sort of sustenance.
“I doubt I have any coffee in here,” Helen says to Max as she pulls out yet another package of tea bags, “if I want coffee I just buy it on the way to work.”
Max smiles as he approaches behind her and picks up one of the boxes of tea bags, “well I guess since I plan on sticking around I should get used to drinking tea more often.” It’s a light joke, but it speaks to a bigger commitment.
Helen grins as she turns back to face him, “I’ll put on the kettle.”
Max nods as he retreats to her kitchen table where he put his phone during the night. It’s nearly dead so he sends a quick message to Luna’s sitter letting her know he’ll be away for a bit longer and that he’ll pay her double to stay for a few more hours.
“You don’t have anywhere to be, do you?” Helen asks as she glances toward Max. “I have the day off because I was supposed to be flying back today, but what’s your excuse?”
Max catches the look in Helen’s eye, a look of pure mystery, “you. You’re my excuse. This,” Max says as he gestures to the distance between them, “is more important to me than anything else.”
Helen’s surprised face isn’t hidden. “Even more important than New Amsterdam?”
Max stands up and walks towards Helen, taking her hand in his, “even more important than New Amsterdam.” He parrots with his strongest voice of confidence. Secretly he knows she’s always been more important than New Amsterdam. Because New Amsterdam without Helen Sharpe isn’t a place Max wants to be.
The screeching sound of the kettle is enough to pull Max and Helen from the moment as Helen rushes back to pour the boiling water into two mugs. “What kind do you want? I have black, herbal, Earl Grey?”
Max shrugs as he replies, “surprise me.”
Helen nods as she places two herbal tea bags into the mugs. It’s a simple gesture really, but it shows how much he trusts her. Even if it’s just for a cup of tea.
“Do you wanna talk about what this is gonna mean for us? Especially when we go back to work tomorrow.” Helen sighs. She doesn’t want to burst their bubble, but there is too much unknown to not at least start this conversation.
Max reaches out to touch Helen’s hand, resting his palm on the back of her wrist, “this can be whatever you want it to be. We don’t have to tell people right away if we don’t want to. I want whatever it is you want, Helen.”
The sincerity in his voice calms Helen’s soul as she thinks about everything that faces them. “I have to go back to London in a month to visit Mina at Cambridge, but that’s just for a weekend. So maybe we tell people when I get back? That way we can have a couple weeks to figure it all out.”
Max smiles as he places a kiss on the back of her hand, “that sounds perfect.” He explains, “and for now this is just our little secret.”
Helen giggles, “you’re going to have to learn to keep your hands to yourself, mister.” She jokes as Max winks.
“No can do, Dr. Sharpe. Especially if you decide to wear that tight black skirt.”
Helen’s mouth drops slightly, “Max!” She swats at him.
“What?” He feigns offense, “it’s just very distracting—you’re very distracting.”
Helen laughs wholeheartedly, “you are trouble, Max Goodwin.”
Max shrugs, “as if you didn’t know when you decided to let me in last night.”
Helen looks at Max, “did it look like I had a choice? You were practically inside my doorway by then.”
The banter between them is simple, it’s familiar. It’s one thing they’ve been doing since Max first came to New Amsterdam. Helen hopes that never changes.
Max takes a sip of his tea as his eyes stay fixed on Helen. The morning light had changed everything and nothing between them. Yet, the woman in front of him had never been this open before. For the first time since knowing her, he feels that it’s not just Helen sitting in front of him, it’s her whole being and soul. “How about you and I finish our tea and then I leave so you can unpack and catch up on your rest, and then I’ll pick you up tonight at six for dinner?”
“Like a date?” Helen asks sheepishly.
Max nods fervently as his face morphs into a large smile, “the first of many.” He winks.
Helen beams as she leans across the table to kiss him softly. The man in front of her was proof enough of what she was. Because with his help, she’s gonna find who she is again, specifically who she is while being loved.
Helen has never been loved by someone as deep, fearless, and insurmountable as Max. And that’s what makes it so scary.
———
When Max leaves in the mid afternoon Helen busies herself with unpacking and some typical housework. She has hardly had a day to take care of anything around her apartment in a very long time, probably since before Mina came to live with her.
It’s surprisingly hard when she reaches Mina’s room. That room had previously been her home office space, but when Mina came from Tehran, it became a safehouse for the teenager, her own space. Helen vividly remembers the first time they really got to know each other as Helen took Mina to a large department store to pick out furniture and bedding for her new bedroom.
And now that bedroom was a shell of a time in Helen’s life she’ll forever regard as indelible in the best ways.
Now she’s entering another phase of her life, a phase of life, of love, that she’s never once entered before. With any previous relationship Helen has been in, it was casual at the start and gradually became more serious. However, with Max, it’s serious from the start. Because they both know what it’s like to lose someone, and they both understand the infinite value of a second chance at love.
Helen receives a text from Max around three telling her to dress semi-formally for their dinner date. Helen asks where they’re heading, but Max refuses to answer, it’s a surprise he replies. Helen giggles at Max’s tight-lipped spirit.
A little before five, Helen starts to get ready. She does a simple makeup look, nothing too glamorous but enough coverage to make her feel special. She chooses to leave her braids down, letting their lengthy ends cascade down her back. Eventually she settles on a loose burgundy skirt and a tight black top, the upper piece being more for Max’s benefit than her own.
As Helen puts the final touches on her look by adding jewelry and a tad more mascara, she gazes into the mirror. The woman she would have seen in the reflection the day before was hardly the person she saw now. The last twenty-four hours have changed so much about the way Helen views herself.
Never before has she felt this valued, this loved, this worthwhile. No partner, regardless of relationship status has ever made her feel the way Max had. It wasn’t just sex, it was intimacy on a spiritual level. Max worshiped her body like she’d hung the whole universe, and he’d marveled over her imperfections as if he’d never seen a woman as beautiful as Helen before.
And exactly as Helen predicted, Max is knocking on her door at six, precisely. Helen quickly grabs her purse and walks down the stairs to let him in. Her face morphs into a wholehearted smile when her eyes land on Max, dressed in a white button down and grey slacks, holding a bouquet of roses.
“For my lady,” He smiles.
Helen gladly accepts the flowers, “why thank you.” She giggles, “care to help me find a vase for these?” She asks.
Max nods and follows her up into her apartment, letting Helen get ahold of something to put the flowers in. Max makes note of Helen’s outfit as she puts water into a simple ceramic vase. “You look very beautiful, Helen.”
Helen throws Max a bashful expression, “and you look very handsome. Quite different from your usual day to day,” she jokes.
Max laughs, “oh you mean scrubs? You know I much prefer simple over fashion.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” Helen replies as she drops the collection of roses into the vase. “Ready.”
Max nods and heads for the door, letting Helen exit before him, and once they’re on the street he takes Helen’s arm in his. “I doubt anyone from New Amsterdam is busy hanging around these parts.” Max jokes as he lightly kisses Helen’s cheek.
Helen looks up at Max, “are you going to tell me where we are heading?” She asks.
Max shakes his head, “I thought you said that you trust me?”
“I do,” Helen says, “with my life.”
That’s enough to make Max’s heart skip a beat. “Good, because that way you’ll finally have a chance to live up to your promise.”
“My promise?” Helen raises a brow.
Max smirks slyly, “you’ll see.”
———
Helen can’t believe her eyes when they arrive at The Tavern. Her initial reaction is laughter, Max had remembered what she’d said to him on the day they met. But then she slowly starts to feel more emotional over the location of their first date. Max had chosen the place Helen had mentioned nearly two minutes after meeting him. He’d remembered the exact restaurant after all these years.
“I can’t believe you remembered,” Helen says as the young waitress places down two sets of silverware as Max pulls out her chair.
Max smiles softly as he sits down across from Helen, “how could I forget my head of oncology promising me a free meal on my first day. You were one of the more receptive ones.” He grins.
Helen smiles, “well that was before you nearly fired me.”
It’s something they can so easily laugh about now. Yet, at the time, neither of them knew what was coming. Cancer wasn’t in the picture, neither was single parenthood or infertility. The moment they met wasn’t love at first sight, but it was love nonetheless.
Helen browses the menu as Max focuses solely on the wine list. He knows Helen’s wine of choice is nearly always red, so he narrows it down to those options.
Helen reaches across the table to grasp his hand, holding it tight. “I really appreciate this, Max. Not every guy is as thoughtful as you.” She’s had a slur of boyfriends that didn’t care an ounce about the first date location.
Max looks at Helen, taking in her utter radiance, “I’ve waited a long time for this, and I’m not going to mess any of it up now.” It’s an honest statement, a promise in a way. This is Max trying.
Helen sees that, “this is really our first date then?” She smiles.
Max nods, “it is.” He replies, “So why don’t I order us each a large glass of wine and we play a simple game of twenty questions? I think we had enough serious talk this morning.” As much as he wants to get to know Helen’s heart, he wants to know her head too. He wants to know what makes her laugh, what movies she enjoys, and what her favorite snacks are.
Helen gazes down at their interlocked fingers, “Pinot noir?”
Max flags down the waitress, “you read my mind.” He grins as he orders them each a glass of wine.
When the waitress leaves Max’s foot gently bumps Helen’s, “first question: what’s your middle name?” He asks.
“Thema,” Helen replies, “it means ‘queen’.”
Max’s face lights up at that, simply because she is a queen.
“What’s yours?” Helen asks. She’s seen the initial many times over the years, but getting to know middle names has never been her top priority among patients or friends.
Max blushes, “I can’t tell you, you’ll laugh too hard.”
Helen shakes her head, “oh come on, it can’t be that bad.”
Max looks down at his lap, “Herbert.”
Helen has to suppress everything inside her to get herself to not burst out laughing, “Maximus Herbert Goodwin?” She clarifies.
“Moving on,” Max states, “why’d you become an oncologist?”
Helen dutifully answers his questions as they go back and forth as their food is being prepared. The banter between them is comfortable, it’s something they’ve been doing for years. Yet, it feels so refreshing to get to know each other on a different level.
This was the first layer of foundation in which they are going to build a life upon. Their relationship may be built on years of friendly interactions in and out of New Amsterdam, but a life couldn’t be built on that. A life has to be built on mutual trust and knowledge of one another that can only be achieved through a heightened level of intimacy and connection.
And before either of them realize, it’s the start of something new, a completely magical beginning Max and Helen are ready to chase for the rest of their lives.