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“Max, you have to tell me what’s going on. You look like you’ve seen a ghost and you know I of all people would believe you.” Steve coaxed from the front seat of the Benz as they waited for Dustin.
Max averted her eyes, looking anywhere but at Steve. Of course she could trust him; he’d seen just as much crazy, creepy shit as she had. He too had lived through all the most traumatic experiences. The entire group had that in common. But for someone who’d always had to be tough and as unfeeling as possible if she wanted to survive, Max had a difficult time opening her mouth and saying the words - putting syllables and phrases that brought life to her dreams out into the world. And the dreams she’d been having, good Lord, just awful. Every time she closed her eyes she was right back in the Starcourt mall, reliving Billy’s death over and over. It was there when she laid down to sleep, when anyone even mentioned or intimated that time last year, and whenever this new evil they were currently facing took another victim, the replay of his heroism, his sacrifice, flashed before her in terrifying fashion.
“Steve, I said I’m fine. As fine as someone can be who’s number is probably up next.”
He laid an arm hesitantly on hers, instantly flashing his eyes to hers to indicate he was asking if that was ok, since she flinched away.
“Look at me; tell me what’s going on.”
She hesitated, stared at where their bodies touched, feeling a very foreign emotion - one she had not experienced since the days when she and Lucas were spending carefree time together; the lull between insane supernatural occurrences anyway.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about Billy and it’s just that… I never really knew him like a brother, but maybe I did. We hated each other; isn’t that what real siblings do?
“Don’t know; only child.” he bemoaned.
“He picked on me a lot but I felt like we were unified in our hatred of his dad. I don’t get why mom picked that guy.”
“He was a real douche.”
“Yeah. He never understood Billy. He hated his hair and his music and his car and his smoking.” Max laughed a little like she was remembering all that encompassed Billy and appreciating those qualities.
Steve laughed a little too, getting a far off look on his face.
The first encounter he had with Billy, in Gym, shook him to his core. The guy was a real asshole to him during basketball but something about the way he approached him later, in the showers, had Steve questioning his relationship with Nancy. Billy tugged at a nerve so deeply buried within him that he had to do some real soul-searching. At first he denied it, turned his confusing attraction into unmitigated hatred. He lodged Billy firmly into the enemy category. But as time went on, Steve secretly gave into it, ogling Billy whenever he could, knowing full well he’d never act on it anyway. But he could admire from afar. Billy was a rebel, the badboy in leather and made Steve feel unbound and wild just looking at him. Steve saw the way women lusted after him, how he commanded their attention with his ‘I don’t care’ attitude. Steve never had issues with the ladies but Billy possessed a darker quality that made him irresistible to everyone.
So many nights, Steve lay wide awake, the weight of all the disastrous experiences he’d been through lately pressing upon him, and only one fantasy quelled his fear enough to bring about sleep. He imagined Billy speeding up his driveway, as he’d done before, getting out of his car looking so hot, smoking that cigarette. Only in his dreams, Steve imagined Billy approaching him, slowly, predatorily, and while staring him down, moving a stray hair of Steve’s behind his ear, and consoling him, ‘Don’t worry, babe, no one knows I’m here. Just you and me now. Kiss me.’ In these fantasies, Billy was always in control, taking charge. Steve was normally the one making the moves on women but he liked feeling as if he was being puppeteered by Billy, molded by his skilled hands as they moved over his chest, down to his hips. That touch feeling illicit and wrong. Steve woke from these dreams, achingly hard, and wanting. Wanting Billy to do everything he imagined.
“He was a real piece of work.” Steve joked. Max cracked a bit of a smile which quickly turned into a frown.
“I really miss him. Sometimes in all this stuff, I feel like he might know what to do. Like, even if he didn’t really like me or whatever, he’d tell me a plan he had or, I don’t know. He’d just know.”
“I think he probably would.” Steve lamented, knowing full well what she meant. He commanded that; he seemed to just know .
Max took a minute to gather herself, looking around and wiping the wetness that gathered in her eyes.
“I guess I loved him in my own way. Can’t help but think I’m going to join him soon.”
Steve chuckled a little. “Don’t say that, Max. We’ll protect you.” Then a beat later he whispered, “I guess I loved him too.”
Max did a double take and side-eyed him, even as Steve turned away from her. He blinked a few times to clear the tears and looked back at her, just as Dustin emerged from the house, waving his radio frantically. "Yeah, I said it. Not gonna bring him back though so..."
"I know. It hurts so much." She admitted. Dustin flung the door open and threw himself inside, babbling about something he'd uncovered. Max looked back at him and shook her head, all the shit coming crashing back onto her in that second. She took one last look at Steve as he turned the car back on and threw it into drive. The look they shared conveyed everything - all the hurt and sorrow, the longing, the love. For a moment, she found comfort in the idea that if Vecna was going to take her, at least maybe there was a chance she'd meet Billy on the other side, talk to him one more time.