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Ciel had thought he'd rather hate wearing this dress, but once they were back at the manor, he found himself rather… hesitant. He'd grown, not accustomed to it, but something similar - the corset was still tighter than he'd like, but something about the feeling of it was comfortable. It felt natural to be perceived as a lady, in such outfits he normally hated - though now, as he looked back, those moments seemed almost more like reluctance, fearing the possibility of enjoying it. He'd expected to be able to simply take it off, glad to be rid of it, only to surprise himself by pushing a hand out to stop Sebastian when he went to remove it.
There was a moment of silence, Sebastian obviously as shocked by the outburst as he himself was. Then, the demon spoke.
"Oh, do you like the dress now, my lord?"
Ciel paused for a moment, trying to figure out why exactly he was so loath to remove the contraption he had earlier so protested. He tried to speak, only for the words not to come - he couldn't describe what was so different about it. He was upset, he couldn't figure out why he was feeling the way he was, and it was so intense he began to pull at his arms, distressed by it. Sebastian gently pulled his hands away, beginning to rub at Ciel's forehead, like one would to soothe a headache, and brushed his thumbs across Ciel's cheeks to wipe away any tears.
"Shhhh, it's alright. You don't have the words for it yet, that's alright. Take all the time you need."
Slowly, Ciel began to calm, relaxing under Sebastian's comforting touch. As he got his thoughts back in order, he leaned forward to hide his face in the demon's coat, embarrassed at what his whispered words were.
"I… I don't wanna go back to boy's clothes yet. This… I- I don't know… it's nice. It feels… right? Somehow?"
As he spoke, he began to tear up again, burying his face deeper in Sebastian's chest. Sebastian slowly drew him close, rubbing gently at his back, letting the emotions run their course. Ciel was scared, distressed at these feelings he didn't understand, why did he want this? The more he thought, the more things came to the surface, until it wasn't just clothes but the idea of being a girl that seemed so appealing.
He remembered wanting to try on his mother's dresses, adoring when his brother called him a girl even though it was supposed to be mean. He remembered, as a child, adoring when Elizabeth dressed him up - until Father had started their lessons, and he had learned boys weren't supposed to wear dresses. He remembered being so scared of how much he liked it, to the point he began to hate it. It seemed being forced into the dress this long had forced him to push past the fear, unlocking the deeper emotions of want towards it.
How long had these feelings been hiding, he wondered. The more he thought the more he realized how far back they ran, and he grew more and more upset with his lack of understanding. Was he broken somehow, was something wrong with him?
Sebastian, perceptive as ever and with the help of the contract, could likely guess his thoughts if not read them outright. He held Ciel close, and had Ciel looked up he would have seen the frown that grew on his butler's face. Sebastian's voice was quiet as he spoke, soft and gentle for the clearly quite upset child in his arms.
"Oh, young master, there's nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. The weight people put on things like clothing and gender, and conforming to what you were born as, is nothing but a product of the time. The idea of having to be the thing you were called at birth is, as well, a simple idea, one that will begin to be done away with soon enough."
Ciel looked up at him, and he paused for a moment before kneeling down in front of the child, meeting his eyes.
"Now, I do have an idea of what may be happening, and it's nothing bad or anything to be ashamed of. I cannot be sure without your agreement, and I will put no pressure on you to agree. Instead, how about we experiment, try things out? If you like it, you can have it, and if you don't, there's no harm done."
Ciel rubbed at his eyes, taking a deep breath as he sat back on his bed, still in the dress. His voice wouldn't come for a moment, but soon, he managed a soft okay, and Sebastian smiled.
"Alright. Where do you want to start? We can start with titles, words, honorifics, anything you'd like."
"I- I don't know. I… It's embarrassing, but… I sort of want it, to be a girl… but that's not, that's not normal. I just- I feel silly, because I do want it but, no one else seems to."
"More people feel like that than you realize, Ciel, and with being a boy as well. Most people are taught to hide it or ignore it, but as I said, the idea of having to be what you were called at birth is something that will be done away with soon enough - human biology is quite a bit more complicated in that regard than you are lead to believe."
Sebastian gave him such a gentle look, and slowly brought up a hand to brush the hair - both real and fake - away from Ciel's face.
"Would you like to start now?"
Ciel took a deep breath, before slowly nodding, reaching to take one of Sebastian's hands in his own.
"Y-Yeah. I think I'm ready."
"Well, the first thing we could start with is titles. You've always used the more masculine ones, but perhaps, you'll like others better. There's not much of a feminine equivalent to Earl, the closest would be Duchess, but…"
Sebastian smiled again, pulling Ciel's hand closer, like he had when he'd promised to give Ciel his revenge.
"How about something like… 'Yes, my lady', instead?"
Ciel's breath caught, because he did like that, quite a bit. For some reason, he could feel his cheeks heat up, a soft blush covering them at the idea - being Lady Phantomhive felt much nicer. And Sebastian's use of "my" was not unusual, but combined with the now preferred title, something about it made an odd emotion stir inside him.
"I like that. Yeah. I like that a lot."
"Then perhaps, instead of my young master… Mistress would be the equivalent, my little lady. Would you like that, to be known as my mistress, despite the connotations?"
The way Sebastian was referring to him was clearly causing a reaction, his use of "little lady" the same as the first. Any annoyance at being called "little" was overshadowed by the feeling elicited by the other terms, lady, mistress, it all felt so right. She- she…? Yes, Ciel supposed, if he were to be a lady now, that would be the correct word.
Slowly, she nodded, and absently thought of what it would be like for others to use such forms of address - only for that peculiar feeling to build. Even just the idea of simple pronouns caused such a reaction, she was… happy, so very happy, at the idea. It was an odd feeling, some type of relief from a burden she hadn't realized she'd been carrying.
"Well, how do you feel?"
"This… This feels right. I like this. Is it… is it really that simple?"
"Perhaps it wouldn't be for others, but you are lucky enough that I can provide everything. I am one hell of a butler, after all. There's only one last thing for you to do before we tell the others - including your aunt and cousin, and the rest of Lady Elizabeth's family. If you wish, you can choose a new name."
"A new name?"
"Yes. Many do it, some do not - it's all personal preference. Most do it as they associate their birth name with being perceived wrongly, but some do not mind it."
Ciel nodded, and thought for a moment. A new name… She would like something new, even if only to shake what was really her brother's name. The guilt still weighed on her every time she used it. On the other hand, she could simply go with the more feminine version of the name.
"If you're having trouble deciding, you can always use more than one name as well."
Well, that would be easier, then. She liked the meaning behind the name, just not the weight of it being her brother's.
"How about Skye? Or Celia? They mean the same thing, anyway."
"I do believe they suit you, my lady."
There went that feeling, like butterflies, through her chest. She gave her butler a small smile, and he scooped her up, holding her against him.
"Well then, we should get back to work. We shall tell the others whenever you are ready, and I shall see if we can't borrow some of Lady Elizabeth's things until I can get you new clothes."
Skye only nodded, relaxing into the hold as Sebastian carried her back downstairs to her study. They'd have to tell the rest of the staff before everyone else, but she had a feeling they would take it well. They cared much for her, and seemed to want her happy, after all.