Archive of Our Own

“Okay, you cannot be this depressed,” Kris says, giving Ethan an exasperated look. “It’s against the natural order of things.”

Ethan stares down at the table, idly stirring his milkshake with his straw. “I’m not depressed,” he says, then winces at how… well, depressed he sounds.

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

Ethan shrugs. “Why not both?”

Kris sighs. “Ethan, what’s wrong? You’ve been all gloomy for weeks.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Lyra asks, sliding into the booth beside Kris. “He’s pining.”

“Oh,” Kris says, drawing the word out as her eyes go wide with understanding. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“It doesn’t!” Ethan protests. “I’m not!”

“You totally are. You’ve been moping ever since Silver left to train by himself.”

Ethan loves Lyra—really, he does—but sometimes he wishes she wasn’t so annoyingly perceptive. Or that she would at least stop using her powers for evil. “He has nothing to do with anything!”

“Oh, I hope this means I’ve gotten closer to Silver,” Lyra says, pitching her voice lower in a terrible imitation of Ethan, laying the back of her hand against her forehead as she swoons into Kris’s side.

Kris takes a sip of her milkshake to try to hide her smile.

“I don’t sound like that!” Ethan feels his face heat up at the reminder of his own words. He can’t believe he said something that embarrassing in the middle of the crowded Pokemon Center, right in front of Professor Bellis.

To be fair, she hadn’t looked that moved (or surprised, come to think of it) by Ethan’s timid proclamation, although he swore he heard her mutter something about Red and Blue and already having enough lovesick trainers to deal with as she walked away.

“Yeah you do,” Lyra says, smirking at him. “And I don’t know what you’re so worried about. He obviously likes you back.”

“He doesn’t like me at all.” Ethan scoffs. “He never wants me around, he doesn’t answer my calls or texts—”

“Ethan, you know that’s just how Silver is,” Kris says.

“Yeah, he’s an insecure idiot,” Lyra says with a grin. “Just like you.”

Ethan scowls. “I don’t have to sit here and take this kind of abuse, you know.”

“Then don’t.” Lyra reaches across the table to steal Ethan’s milkshake.

“Fine, I’ll just go then.” Ethan stands, miffed at being called on his bluff.

“'Kay, but you may be interested to know that Blue saw Silver training at the beach this morning.” Lyra takes a noisy slurp of Ethan’s shake, winking. “You know, in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t,” Ethan says. (He was). “And anyway, I’m too busy to go chase Silver around.” (He isn’t).

“Uh-huh, sure you are,” Kris says, already distracted by showing Lyra some of her fieldwork data on her poryphone. “Tell Silver we said hi.”

“Traitor,” Ethan grumbles, but something about the way Kris leans into Lyra’s side tells him maybe he should give them some time alone, so he calls out Lugia right in the middle of the crowded street, letting the massive pokemon carry him into the sky.

And if he nudges his partner toward the beach? Well, no one needs to know.

—

“Silver! Hey!”

“How did I know you’d turn up eventually?” Silver wonders, watching Ethan slide off Lugia’s back with something like resignation in his eyes. “I told you I was done teaming up.”

Ethan scratches the back of his head, offering up a small grin to Silver. “Teaming up? What about teaming up? Lugia just wanted to do some swimming.” He feels a little guilty about ambushing the red-haired trainer when he clearly doesn’t want company, but if he waits until Silver actually wants to socialize, he’ll probably never see his rival again.

Lugia chirps behind him, clearly exasperated, and launches itself into the sea. Ethan raises an eyebrow at Silver, as if to say, “see? No ulterior motives here!”

Silver rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Do what you want.”

He pulls out Ho-Oh’s pokeball, and Ethan's chest tightens with panic as Silver turns to leave. “Wait! Uh. You, uh, don’t have to go.” Ethan runs the toe of his sneaker through the sand, making random patterns. “It’s been a while since we hung out.”

Silver tucks the pokeball into his pocket, turning toward the ocean to watch Lugia weave under the waves and up into the sky over and over in a complicated dance.

Ethan sidles up next to him, heart pounding as he leans into Silver until their arms are pressed together. He feels Silver’s knuckles brush against his outer wrist, and he thinks for one dizzying second how easy it would be to slip his hand into Silver’s, to tangle their fingers together until their palms fit flat against each other.

Silver glances at Ethan from the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t comment on the latter’s close proximity. Eventually Ethan’s heartbeat slows to its normal rhythm, and he stares across the horizon to where the sky and ocean meet, a vast stretch of blue that’s only interrupted by the stray wisp of cottony clouds or the stark white of passing Wingulls. It’s a breath-taking view on its own, made only more gorgeous by the arcs of water Lugia’s wings toss into the air, the droplets nova-bright as the sunlight catches them.

“I’m going to head back into town,” Silver says after a while, squinting against the early afternoon sunlight reflecting off the water.

“Oh.” Ethan tries not to let his disappointment show. He’s not sure he’s entirely successful if Silver’s tiny sigh is any indication. “Okay. I’ll, uh, see you around, Silv.”

Despite his intention to leave, Silver doesn’t move right away. His brow creases and Ethan feels Silver’s hand tighten into a fist where their bodies meet. “Have you eaten yet?”

Ethan has, even if Lyra robbed him of his post-lunch milkshake, but he doesn’t tell Silver that. “No, have you?”

Silver shakes his head, turning his head to give Ethan a look the dark-haired trainer has a hard time deciphering. “There’s a… cafe nearby that I go to sometimes. If you want lunch.”

“Y-yeah. That sounds great!”

Ethan recalls Lugia, falling into step next to Silver as they head toward a copse of trees that separates the shore from the forest. Before he can talk himself out of it, he reaches out and curls his pinky around Silver’s.

Silver turns his face away too quickly for Ethan to know for sure, but he swears he sees the faintest dusting of pink spread across Silver’s cheeks.

—

It’s a short walk back to Centra City, the shady forest offering them a brief respite from the sun. Ethan finds himself relaxing enough to chat quietly with Silver about the latest happenings on the island. He even manages to startle a small laugh out of him with a story about Red saving Blue from a punch to the face by slinging him over his shoulder and carrying him out of the bar he’d been drunkenly hitting on Misty in.

“—Then he just tips his hat at Misty and strolls off like they’re casually passing each other in the street or something, while Blue’s on his shoulder like a bag of fucking potatoes, thrashing around and cussing at him the whole time.” Ethan grins, waving his free hand around for emphasis as he talks. “And of course Raihan—have you met him yet? He’s a gym leader from Galar, specializes in dragon types, I think? Anyway, so Raihan’s at the bar filming the whole thing on his phone, and Misty’s just kind of standing there like she doesn’t know what the hell just happened, like, still has her fist pulled back and everything. The whole bar’s dead silent, until Lieutenant Surge—who’s totally shit-faced, mind you—yells ‘see? I knew they were fucking’ .”

Silver rolls his eyes as Ethan dissolves into another fit of laughter, but his lips are tipping up into a small smile.

“So now,” Ethan wheezes. “The video’s gone viral, Surge is trending on Twitter, Professor Oak is, like, dying of secondhand embarrassment, and Kukui is one-hundred-percent-earnestly offering them a trip to Alola for their honeymoon. And the best part—” Ethan has to lean into Silver for support, sides burning from the force of his hysterics. “—Is that Red has no idea why everyone's making such a big deal out of it, so he’s just been wandering around in his clueless little bubble, looking so baffled every time someone brings it up.”

Ethan is still laughing when they walk into the cafe, feeling lighter than he has in weeks. He’d forgotten how good it feels to be around Silver, how his whole body thrums with delight at being so close to the other trainer. It’s thrilling, like that moment when he’s in the sky with Lugia and nudges them into a dive, Silver’s laughter eliciting the same swoop in his stomach as those first moments of free-falling, when the world below tilts toward him and the air digs into him with electrifying force as it whips past.

Silver stiffens next to him, and Ethan follows his gaze to a table near the back of the cafe, where Blue and Red—as if summoned by Ethan’s lively retelling of their misfortunes—both turn to look at them. Silver tugs his hand away, Ethan’s cheeks burning as he belatedly remembers he’d been holding onto it with one finger.

They aren’t fast enough to escape Blue’s notice if his rising eyebrows and infuriating smirk are any indication. Ethan shakes his head at the older man, the universal plea to be cool, for Arceus’ sake. A plea Blue decides to ignore in favor of giving them an obnoxious wink.

It figures.

“Do you, uh, wanna go somewhere else?” Ethan asks, sensing the unease rolling off Silver in waves. He’s bracing for Silver to tell him to go somewhere else, for the embarrassment of being caught out to shatter their fragile truce.

To Ethan’s surprise, Silver just shakes his head and stalks off to a booth in the back corner. Ethan follows, sliding onto the bench across from Silver, wishing that he could understand Silver’s inscrutable expressions.

Ethan tugs at the scarf around his neck, feeling out of place in his sygna suit for something as mundane as eating lunch. Silver gives him another unreadable stare before he turns his attention to the window, looking out at the sprawling forest they just emerged from a few minutes ago.

We’re friends!

Even though you can’t even tell what’s in my heart?

Ethan grimaces down at the table, replaying the words in his head for what feels like the millionth time since that night. The insinuation that he doesn’t know Silver had stung then too, but he’d had the looming threat of Giovanni to distract him.

The truth is, he’d very much like to know what’s in Silver’s heart, but his rival seems ever determined to shut him out.

“What are you frowning about?” Silver asks, suspicious.

Ethan jumps a little as he’s startled out of his thoughts. “Oh! Uh, nothing, don’t worry about it,” he says, waving a hand. “So how’s your training going?”

“Slower than I’d hoped,” Silver admits after a long pause. “I still have a lot of work to do before I can challenge my old man to a rematch.”

Ethan bites his lip. “I could train with you, if you want.”

“I already told you to back off with the teamwork thing.” Silver glares at him, resting his elbow on the table to prop his cheek against his fist. “Is that why you tracked me down earlier?”

“No! Of course not!”

“You never listen—“

“I was just offering, you don’t have to—“

“I can get stronger on my own. I don’t need you coddling—“

“I just missed you, okay?!” Ethan practically shouts, tugging at his scarf again when he realizes most of the cafe patrons—including Red and Blue, Arceus help him—are looking at them now.

“Why?” Silver asks, looking so genuinely confused that Ethan kind of wants to throttle him. “We just saw each other a few weeks ago.”

Ethan sighs. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Just—forget I said anything.”

Silver looks ready to argue the point, but Ethan is saved from further humiliation by the timely arrival of their waitress, thank god.

He decides then and there that he really needs to work on his inability to stop talking.

—

Ethan supposes he shouldn’t be surprised that Blue tracks him down in the lobby of the Pokémon Center the next morning, holding out a cup of coffee from the shop across the street.

“Morning, Casanova,” Blue says with a grin. “How was your date yesterday?”

“How was yours?” Ethan shoots back, taking the cup before Blue decides to rescind the offer of caffeine in retaliation.

“I didn’t have a date.”

“Neither did I.”

Blue laughs. “Right, sure. Could’ve fooled me with hand-holding and the ‘I just missed you, Silver!’”

Ethan winces. Why is everyone suddenly imitating him? He still doesn’t sound like that. “Where’s Red? Isn’t it time for him to toss you over his shoulder and carry you off to his mountain lair or something?”

Blue rolls his eyes. “Very funny. And if you must know, he’s standing right behind you.”

Ethan whirls around, sloshing hot coffee on his hand as he indeed finds Red standing behind him. “Holy fuck! How—when—”

Red smiles and gives him a little wave.

“Dude, you’re like a ninja,” Ethan says, impressed despite his annoyance at the ambush. “How long were you standing there?”

Red shrugs, and Blue says, “Just long enough to hear your mountain lair comment, so I’d sleep with one eye open from now on if I were you, Ethan.”

Red rolls his eyes as Blue strolls away, tossing Ethan another wave over his shoulder as he rushes to follow. He jogs a few feet before he stops and turns back around, a resolute set to his shoulders as he marches back up to Ethan.

“Uh, Red? What’s up?”

Red pulls out his poryphone, thumbs flying across the screen seconds before Ethan’s poryphone pings with a new message. Ethan pulls the device from his pocket, face heating as he reads Red’s text.

I’m happy you and Silver finally worked things out.

Ethan blanches. “Red, god, no, that’s not—that wasn’t a date.” He sighs. “He still doesn’t—he was just humoring me with lunch so I’d stop interrupting his training.”

Red frowns, typing out another message. Ethan sips his coffee while he waits.

But you like him.

“Uh…”

Red rolls his eyes again—a habit Ethan assumes he picked up from Blue, he was never this salty in his hermit days—and goes back to typing.

You talked about him A LOT when you came to Mount Silver.

“So? You wouldn’t shut up about Blue either, so I don’t see…” Ethan trails off when Red raises his eyebrows pointedly. “Oh. Oh. So… you like Blue?”

Red nods, blushing a little.

“Huh. I mean, I figured, but I didn’t think you’d admit it.”

You should tell Silver.

Ethan winces. “I don’t know, Red. It’s… it’s not like you and Blue. Silver doesn’t even want to be around me.”

Red chews on his bottom lip for a few long moments before he starts typing again, considering his words carefully.

I don’t think that’s true.

He talked about you a lot during his visits too.

“I—oh. He did?” Ethan tries to ignore the fluttering feeling spreading through his stomach at Red’s nod. “Wait, Silver used to drop in on you too?”

Now Red looks a little exasperated.

Yes. I had a lot of visitors considering I lived in a cave.

Ethan tugs at his scarf. “Oh. Uh, sorry, dude. I had no idea.”

Red shrugs and waves away the concern.

TELL HIM.

“Only if you tell Blue how you feel too.”

Deal.

Ethan laughs as they shake on it, grinning when he sees a scowling Blue wander back into the center. “Looks like he came back for you.”

“There you are.” Blue huffs. “I thought I lost ya. Come on, big guy. Those caves aren’t going to explore themselves, right?”

Red looks a little dubious at Blue’s last comment, but he nods and tips his hat at Ethan as Blue steers him away with a hand in the small of his back.

Ethan just shakes his head. Those two are goddamn ridiculous. He’s not sure how Leaf manages to be on a team with them without absolutely losing her mind.

His phone pings with another message. He pulls it back out, expecting it to be Lyra apologizing for oversleeping or maybe even a few last words of wisdom from Red, but it isn’t. It’s Silver.

I’m getting breakfast soon.

From that waffle place next to the Pokemart.

Ethan stares at his phone for a solid minute, trying to make sense of what he’s reading. Silver’s been ignoring his texts for over a month, and now he decides to break the silence with… his breakfast choices?

Before he can spiral too far into angsting over the deeper meaning of it, a third message comes through.

I guess you can stop by if you want.

Ethan breathes out a quiet laugh, sending back, Are you inviting me to have breakfast with you?

Silver takes a few minutes to respond.

Don’t be an idiot.

Ethan frowns. So… you’re NOT inviting me to breakfast??? :(

Silver’s next response takes even longer. I am. I’m just telling you not to be an idiot about it. I understand if that’s too hard for you to manage.

Ethan drains the rest of his coffee, wincing when he burns his tongue. I’ll be there in ten.

—

“Kris says you’re depressed. Why?”

Ethan pauses with a forkful of waffles poised halfway between his plate and his open mouth. “Uh… what?”

Silver scowls, stabbing his fork into his food with more force than is probably necessary. “Why are depressed?” he clarifies.

“I’m not,” Ethan says, silently resolving to give Kris a piece of his mind later. “I don’t know why she keeps saying that.” Or why she decided to tell Silver of all people!

“You are. Yesterday, you—” Silver breaks off with a huff. “You weren’t acting normal.”

“I never act normal,” Ethan says, setting down his fork and knife to give Silver a confused look. “You tell me that all the time.”

“You weren’t acting normal for you.”

“I—okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was being… weird.”

Silver scowls again. “I don’t care either way. I just want to make sure you’re at your best when I annihilate you in our next battle.”

“Oh. Right. Well, don’t—” Ethan swallows down the sudden lump in his throat. “—Don’t worry. I won’t make it easy for ya.”

Ethan thinks he should be used to being disappointed about Silver by now, but it still feels like a punch to the gut every time it happens. He’d wanted to believe, so badly, that Silver invited him out this morning because he had enjoyed himself at lunch yesterday and wanted to spend more time together. Or maybe that Red’s hints about Silver returning his feelings have some basis in reality. But of course, Silver’s only worried about their damn rivalry.

“There,” Silver says, jabbing an accusatory finger in Ethan’s face. “That expression right there. You’re doing it again.”

“Sorr—”

“Don’t apologize,” Silver snaps. “Just stop doing it.”

Ethan rolls his eyes. “Just stop being depressed? Gee, why didn’t I think of that?”

Silver smirks. “So you are depressed? You just admitted it.”

Ethan opens and closes his mouth a few times, irritation mounting as he realizes he walked right into Silver’s setup. After a long pause, he demands, “Fine, maybe I don't feel as... happy lately as I normally do. So what?”

“Answer my question. Why?"

“I don’t know. I just am, okay?”

Silver pushes his plate away, jaw set in an unhappy line. “Bullshit.”

Ethan stuffs a huge bite of food into his mouth so he doesn’t have to respond. The irony of Silver harassing him about being depressed isn’t lost on him, considering Silver is the most emotionally conflicted person Ethan has ever met. Under other circumstances, he might even be touched by the effort. As it is, he’s just so tired of constantly trying to figure out what Silver’s thinking while the other man just… expects Ethan to be an open book all the time. It isn't fair.

Silver kicks Ethan’s shin under the table. “Tell me.”

“No!” Ethan kicks back.

“Typical.” Silver scoffs. “You’re such a hypocrite.”

“Oh, sure, I’m the hypocrite.” God, why did Ethan think this was a good idea? He should’ve just gotten breakfast with Lyra like he initially planned instead of causing a scene in a restaurant for the second day in a row. “Maybe it’s just none of your business.”

“Yeah, you are a hypocrite.” Silver crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair. “You’re always nagging me to be more open with you, but you don’t even practice what you preach, do you?” He's still glaring at Ethan, but the dark-haired trainer can tell that Silver's genuinely upset by the way he presses his lips into a thin line.

Ethan deflates, shoulders slumping as his anger drains out of him. “It’s not that, Silv. It’s just… it’s stupid.”

“Well, I figured as much.”

Ethan snorts, unable to stop the small laugh that escapes him. “Gee, thanks, that makes me feel loads better.”

Silver shrugs, raising an eyebrow as if daring Ethan to prove him wrong.

“I just—I like someone. A lot. And they…” Ethan looks down at his food. His hands are shaking, fork scraping against his plate from the tremors. “They don’t like me back.”

“When you say ‘like’, you mean…”

“Romantically, yeah. But, honestly, that’s not—” Ethan squeezes his eyes closed. “—That’s probably not the right word for it. It’s more than that. I—I’m in love with them.”

The silence stretches on to uncomfortable lengths, but he still can’t bring himself to look at Silver. Don’t cry, Ethan tells himself. You cannot cry in front of Silver about him not loving you back.

Ethan’s pretty sure Silver will run away at the first sign of tears. He’d heard second-hand about Silver’s disgust at Nate’s waterworks during the debacle with N and Ghetsis, and while Ethan had laughed at how hilariously Silver it was, he really doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of the redhead’s exasperation right now. Not about this.

“It’s Lyra, isn’t it?”

Ethan does look up at that, though he’s not sure if it’s the words themselves or the way Silver says them that shocks Ethan most. He’s heard Silver use that tone one other time, when Ho-Oh saved them from Team Break and Silver had turned away so he wouldn’t have to watch Ho-Oh choose someone else.

We both know Ho-Oh prefers trainers who are pure of heart. It’d be one thing if I could make it my partner by proving my strength. But as long as this is Ho-Oh’s decision, I’ve got no chance.

He’d sounded so resigned, turning his back on something he desperately wanted because he didn’t think he was worthy of it.

“It’s not Lyra,” Ethan says, heart pounding as he feels the tremulous stirrings of hope return to him.

“No?” Silver picks at his cuticles with feigned indifference, wincing a little when they start to bleed at his rough treatment.

Ethan reaches across the table, holding Silver’s injured hand in both of his. “No.”

Silver slowly lifts his head, eyes fixed on their joined hands. “Well, that’s a relief. You two would be a nightmare together.”

Ethan grins, bringing Silver’s hand up to kiss the torn skin of his fingertips. “Do you… think you and me would be a better match?”

“No, definitely worse,” Silver says, immediate. “We’d drive everyone crazy.”

“That sounds like it could be fun.”

Silver finally meets his gaze, his customary smirk a little softer than usual. “Only if we start with Lance.”

Ethan throws his head back as he laughs, sure that his joy must be visibly pouring out of him as he leans over to press a kiss to Silver’s cheek. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

You can't even tell what's in my heart.

He still doesn't know everything Silver is feeling, but he thinks he'll finally have a chance to find out.

—

Ethan pulls the door to Silver’s apartment closed with a soft click. The corridor is cheery with artificial light even though Ethan knows the morning is dim and gray outside, still too early for the sun to rise over the mountains.

The door across the hall opens just as Ethan turns to leave, Red quietly slipping out of Blue’s apartment. He gives Red a thumbs-up and a cheeky grin. “About time. Can’t wait to see what color scheme you pick for the wedding. I’m guessing purple or purple. Or maybe purple.”

Red tugs the brim of his hat down to hide his blush.

Ethan laughs all the way to the elevator.

As he picks out a clean outfit in his own apartment four floors down, he sighs when he sees a message from Blue pop up on his poryphone.

Bold of you to assume you’re invited to said wedding. But I guess you’ll just show up anyway as Silver’s date, huh?

Instead of responding, he shoots off a text to Silver instead. Change of plans. We need to annoy Blue to death first.

Silver’s response takes less than a minute. Fine. Apparently we already drove Lance insane years ago with our ‘clueless pining’ so now he’s being all supportive and gross. I refuse to subject myself to any more of it.

Better luck next time, I guess, Ethan types back. On a related note, how does Sneasel feel about breaking and entering?

You want to steal Blue’s stupid imported hair gel, don’t you?

Maybe…

Ethan doesn’t check his phone again until he’s fresh out of the shower, toweling his hair dry with one hand as he reads Silver’s response.

Well, you better get back up here then.

Ethan smiles.

God, he loves that man.

And somehow, defying all expectations, Silver loves him back.

I’ll be there in five.