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hansol’s never been good with words.
odd, for someone who literally makes songs for a living, but hansol has always worked better with beats and chord progressions. it’s usually not a problem, considering he’s always been able to ask his other hyungs for help with lyrics, but now, it is.
chwe hansol is about to stand in front of god and man to profess his eternal love for lee chan in a few hours, and he has still absolutely no idea what to say.
-🤍-
1. one year ago
… your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me …
“lee chan, will you spend the rest of your life with me?”
chan gasps at the sight of hansol in front of him, down on one knee. he takes in the ring cupped carefully in hansol’s hand, the purple of their shared birthstone reflecting the shine of the rooftop’s lights, and feels himself tearing up.
“please don’t cry,” hansol whispers softly, with the fond smile he reserves solely for chan.
it’s that comment that snaps the younger out of his daze, prompting him to take a deep breath and finally give his answer.
“i’d be honored,” chan whispers, tears already beginning to flow.
hansol smoothly slides the ring on his finger, and stands to wrap the boy in his arms. he presses a kiss to chan’s forehead, and moves to wipe the tears away from his face. they spend a few moments in complete silence, completely at peace with only each other’s presence as the rest of the world moves below them.
then chan’s phone starts ringing, and he can do nothing but offer hansol a watery smile at the interruption.
“jeonghan-hyung wants to know if i said yes,” chan says by way of explanation.
“did he expect you to say no? i’m actually offended, channie.”
with a half-teasing smile, chan continues, “he also says, and i quote, ‘we’re getting hungry, and if you don’t get your asses down here in five minutes i will personally drink all the champagne hansol bought.’”
“the champagne was supposed to be a surprise,” hansol says, pouting a little.
“it’s okay, babe,” chan replies, leaning up to kiss hansol’s cheek. “i’ll pretend i didn’t know, just for you.”
hansol just laughs loudly, and lets chan take his hand and lead him back inside.
and even if it’s been years, hansol still can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face as he notices how their hands still fit into each other’s perfectly.
-🤍-
2. two years ago
… i know you've never loved your stomach or your thighs …
“babe?” hansol hears chan call from their bedroom. “can you get a different pair of pants for me?”
“um,” hansol says, looking at the stacks of boxes still littered around their new home. “not without spending an hour looking for the rest of our clothes?”
he hears chan’s responding groan of frustration, then enters the room to see chan frowning at the mirror.
“what’s wrong?”
“how am i supposed to go out looking like this? these pants look terrible on me.”
“i think you look good in them,” hansol says sincerely.
chan turns to look at hansol disapprovingly. “i told you not to tease me,” he says, sulking.
“i’m not teasing! there’s nothing to tease about, channie.”
“are you sure?” chan asks, looking back at his reflection uncertainly.
hansol walks over to chan and puts his arms around the other’s waist.
“you look beautiful, trust me. now let’s go, seungkwan will actually kill us if we’re late to this party.”
-🤍-
3. three years ago
… all those conversations are the secrets that i keep …
“soonyoung-hyung, for the last time, please stop hiding baby tigers in my room!”
hansol holds back a snort at chan’s words, turning around slightly and checking to ensure that the other boy is still sound asleep.
it’s always an experience, listening to chan talk while he’s asleep, and while hansol has essentially promised that he’d never tell anyone else about the things chan talks about, it’s never actually stopped him from writing chan’s mumbled nonsense into a few of his songs. in fact, mingyu and wonwoo especially liked that song about dripping chili sauce and wanting to be like willy wonka, so hansol can’t really find it in himself to be too guilty about it.
chan wakes up a few minutes later, calling out to hansol softly.
"sleep well?" hansol asks, turning to face the other with a smile.
instead of responding to his question, chan narrows his eyes and asks, "why are you looking at me like that?"
"like what?"
"oh no," chan says despairingly. "i said weird things again, didn't i?"
"no," hansol replies, trying his best to keep a straight face. "you didn't, i promise."
chan frowns and flings a throw pillow at hansol, just missing the other narrowly. as hansol walks across the room to return the pillow, he's hit with the sudden urge to kiss the boy sitting on his couch.
so he does, with his own heart threatening to burst just a little when chan leans forward to meet him halfway.
-🤍-
4. four years ago
… i know you never loved the sound of your voice on tape …
“did you get the demo?” hansol asks as they walk down the hall.
“i did,” chan says. “was that your voice?”
“it was!” hansol exclaims, unable to avoid the pride seeping into his voice. “i did really well, didn’t i?”
“wow,” chan says, equal parts amused and awed. “you must really like your voice, then.”
“is that your way of saying i’m a terrible singer?”
chan’s eyes widen as hansol’s words sink in, and he hits hansol on the arm in response.
“no! of course not!”
“sure, channie.” hansol raises an eyebrow at that, smiling over at the other teasingly.
“hey,” chan says, suddenly completely serious. he stops walking and turns to face hansol, meeting his eyes. “i do think your voice is amazing, i just meant that i probably can’t ever do something like that. i really can’t stand the way my voice sounds when it’s recorded, that’s all.”
“i get that,” hansol says reassuringly, reaching out a hand to chan. “don’t worry, i never actually thought you hated my singing. and for the record? your voice is amazing too.”
chan just smiles at hansol’s words, and holds on to the other’s hand until they reach the practice room.
“i’ll see you tonight?” hansol asks as they part ways.
“see you,” chan says, reaching up to kiss hansol softly on the cheek.
it puts a smile on hansol's face that lasts all the way until he gets to the studio. when jihoon threatens to pour cola on him for acting so stupid, hansol smiles wider anyway.
-🤍-
5. five years ago
… you'll never love yourself half as much as i love you …
the elevator opens, and hansol is shocked to see a boy standing in the corner, crying.
“are you okay?” hansol asks as he steps inside.
the boy looks up at him, obviously not expecting the question. he says, “not really, but thanks for asking anyway.”
“do you want to talk about it?”
“i broke up with my boyfriend today,” the boy says softly.
“oh, i’m sorry.”
“don’t be, he was terrible anyway. it would’ve been okay, if it hadn’t happened in the middle of my conversation with the idol i’m supposed to be choreographing for. now he probably thinks i’m stupid and won’t want to work with me anymore.”
“i’m sure that’s not true.”
“have you ever seen the8-sunbaenim? of course it’s true.”
“well, i’m friends with him, so you can trust me. you don’t have anything to worry about.”
“really?”
“yeah,” hansol says decisively. “minghao-hyung meditates and all, so he’s chill. it’ll be fine, i promise.”
the boy digests that information for a few moments, then wipes his hand across his face. “i’m sorry,” he says with a sigh. “you probably don’t need a stranger spilling their life story to you in an elevator.”
“actually,” hansol says, with a confidence that surprises even himself. “the life story is fine. i don’t need you to be a stranger.”
“well, you might not want to shake my hand,” the boy says, a smile starting to spread across his face. “but my name’s chan. lee chan.”
maybe hansol’s not sure what it is about chan that makes him want to promise to never see the other cry ever again, but hansol makes that promise to himself anyway.
-🤍-
+1. today
… it's you, they add up to, i'm in love with you …
hansol’s never been good with words, and over the past five years they’ve known each other, he’s never taken the time to tell chan about all the little things he loves about him.
but today, for the first time, he does.
and it’s well worth it, especially for the smile that spreads across chan’s face, and for the way he holds hansol as they kiss afterwards.