Work Text:
It was like every year. Snufkin would stay for the spring and summer. And then leave during the fall and winter. It was some type of ritual that Snufkin would keep almost perfectly, Moomin didn’t know why, maybe because he just got tired. Things controlled him, Moomin knew that Snufkin hated to be controlled. It was like being in a dark box, having the walls start to close onto you. Moomintroll hated being controlled as well.
But more and more, the loneliness that Moomintroll felt inside was greater each passing year. Yes, he knew that was sleeping, that honestly he wouldn’t be missing out on anything. That everyone else was deep in hibernation and Snufkin was traveling, going to come back next spring and have a plethora of stories to share. Yet, Moomin felt cheated. He felt cheated out of everything. He knew it was selfish to think that Snufkin left because of him.
He could tell that Snufkin acted differently around him, he wasn’t that good at hiding it. He would talk less to Moomin (even less than he originally talked before), and he would always find an excuse to leave in any situation. Snufkin always had been somewhat attached to the world.
“That kid always got his head in the clouds.” Moomin would hear some say.
“He’s got a screw loose.” Others would whisper.
But Moomintroll didn’t care, Snufkin was always friendly towards him. He always made time, even though he might not want to, to spend hours with Moomintroll. He would listen as Moomin would gush over the different meanings of flowers, yet he had nothing to attribute to the conversation, it was more than enough for Moomintroll to have someone listening. Snufkin would teach Moomin the trade of surviving on his own, and over time Moomintroll had finally perfected the ways of tying a knot, the correct way. But it seemed, no matter how hard Moomintroll tried, Snufkin would never stay. He would always leave. Moomin would fear before sleeping, have nightmares that Snufkin would one day never return. He would have nightmares of his best friend either freezing, falling, or starving to death, and Moomin was sleeping happily in his bed, protected by large stone walls, a fire always burning, and full stomach. And whenever winter was over, Moomintroll was overcome with a feeling of relief when he saw Snufkin walking ever so slowly towards him.
His tired gaze getting more exhausted by the day.
And today was no different.
“Snufkin!” Moomintroll waved to his friend who was sitting in his usual spot by the river, fishing. Snufkin spared a glance before turning his head violently back to the river, as if he was angry at Moomin. It would have been fine if Moomin knew what he did, but he just couldn’t figure it out for the life of him. “Snufkin?” Moomintroll didn’t know if that sparing glance was an invitation to come sit down or to just go away. It seemed as if it was a mixture of both.
Moomin slowly walked off the porch, his heart pounding, scared as if Snufkin was just going to disappear. It was as if Snufkin wasn’t paying attention to him, or he was lost in his thoughts. Moomintroll knew that he was lost in that head of his, he would stare into the river’s reflection of himself, blinking slowly. Sometimes he spared a glance at his hand, which had scars from which Moomin never bothered to ask where they came from.
“Snufkin?” Moomintroll barely touched Snufkin’s shoulder.
“Moomintroll!” Snufkin almost jumped out of his skin. He turned around to look at Moomin, as if it wasn’t Moomintroll, the fear mixed with relief in his eyes made Moomintroll’s heart ache for some reason. “Moomintroll.” Snufkin said, softer, as if retaining his emotions again. “Would you like to sit down?” Snufkin moved slightly to the side to provide room for Moomintroll, even though the entire bank was empty.
Moomintroll would always sit as closely as possible to Snufkin as he could get. He wouldn’t say that he liked it … well not out loud … but he liked the feeling of Snufkin’s warm body against his. Moomin seemed to be always cold, Moominmama would comment on how cold Moomintroll’s hands were whenever she touched them. Yet Snufkin never seemed to mind. It was as if Snufkin was always warm, or … there was something else that Moomintroll couldn’t quite figure out about his friend.
“I saw you packing up yesterday.” Moomintroll sat down, yet not as close. He saw out of the corner of his eye, attempts made by Snufkin to move closer, yet it never happened. It almost was like Moomintroll wanted it to happen, a disappointment. “So when are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Oh.” Moomintroll simply said, looking down at the ground. He swung his legs back and forth and once or twice they touched the water. Snufkin would snap at people doing this, as it would scare away the fish, yet he never bothered with Moomintroll. It was as if everything he got mad at that other people exhibited, he enjoyed in Moomintroll. The way that Moomin would wring his hands together when he got nervous or scared. The way that he liked to put on Snufkin’s hat when it was just them, admiring Snufkins’ unruly hair. Touch. Snufkin hated to be touched. Anything from a simple brush of an arm to hugging, yet Snufkin never minded it with Moomintroll. Moomintroll didn’t even know that Snufkin despised it until Little My told him.
“Yes, I must get a head start before the winter storm comes.” Snufkin said, tossing the fishing line back into the water. “You understand, don’t you?” Moomintroll had the wildest notion that Snufkin wasn’t talking about leaving for the winter.
“O-of course.” Moomintroll fought hard to smile. “I understand … that you need to leave.”
“I …” Snufkin opened his mouth, then closed it quickly. “Yes.”
What an odd way to end a conversation.
Yet Snufkin always ended conversations like that. Moomintroll decided not to look into any more than it needed to be.
“Hey! You two!” Moomintroll and Snufkin turned around at the sound of them being called. Little My was standing on the banister, Moomintroll having the overwhelming fear that she might fall. “Moominmama wants you inside, now!”
“Okay, okay.” Moomintroll said, quickly getting up when he saw Little My walk around the banister. “But please be careful Little My, you might fall.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine.” She waved her hand, but it stopped halfway when she saw Snufkin looking at Moomintroll for a second. It was an odd look, not the one of worry or frustration that Moomin would panic about him being mad at him. No, it was the look of admiration. But it soon was extinguished when Moomintroll looked back at Snufkin.
“You coming, Snufkin?” Moomintroll asked, Snufkin shook his head slightly, as if to remind his mind to start working again.
“Oh, yes, I will be there … in a minute.” Snufkin turned back to the river. He could see in his eyes that they were darker. The brown almost looked black at this point, it must have been the denial eating him up.
“So …” Snufkin almost screamed when he heard Little My’s voice behind him. For one second he thought Moomintroll had come back. “What’s on your mind?” Little My asked as she sat down. “I would love to hear some words of wisdom from the great Snufkin.” She smirked as she said this. Though, there was something else in her eyes, like a worry of some kind. Little My never seemed to exhibit the expression of worry before.
“Nothing much.”
“You seem to have nothing much on your mind.” Little My scoffed, smiling widely as she looked forward, as if to wait for Snufkin to realize something.
“Did …” Snufkin almost laughed. “Did you just call me dumb?”
“It depends on how you look at it.” Little My smiled as she looked at Snufkin. Snufkin sighed, it sounded more tired than needed to be, and it seemed that Little My had picked up on it. She always was like that, very perspective. “I saw how you looked at Moomintroll.” Little My simply said.
“It’s not like that.” Snufkin said.
“Come on. Don’t give me that ‘it’s not like that’ crap.” Little My folded her arms together. “I know it’s not like that, and you know it’s not like that. You care about him, more than I have ever seen you care about something before.” Little My unfolded her arms and threw them up into the air. “It’s like you don’t even care, you have him wrapped around your finger like a string. Do you know that if you asked, he would leave Moominvalley?”
“He would?” Snufkin sounded genuinely surprised at this. He didn’t know that he had that much influence on Moomintroll’s actions, or Moomintroll was just trying to impress him. Both were outrageous and unthinkable. “That doesn’t sound like him at all.”
“I know it doesn’t, he told me this last winter. He wanted so badly to come with you, and if you just asked …” Little My sounded so desperate. “He would follow you to the ends of the earth and back.”
Snufkin just hummed, he didn’t know what to say. For the past months of traveling alone during the winter, he had much thought on Moomintroll. What he actually meant to Moomintroll? What did Moomintroll mean to him? It was hard, thinking things like that. Actually paying attention to simple acts on the way that when he talked about something that excited him he would exaggerate the conversation by moving his hands. Or whenever Moomintroll was nervous he would hold onto Snufkin or anyone closest to him. Snufkin smiled at the thought of him. And the thought of Moomintroll, just the thought, would send him into a panic. He was meant to not get attached, to just leave and return as if nothing ever happened. But lately he thought of never returning at all.
“That’s all you have to say?” Little My asked. “You really don’t understand how much Moomin would do for you? You don’t understand what he goes through every winter?” She sounded as if she was about to cry. Her voice breaking at the word: winter.
“I do understand.” Snufkin sighed. “Yet, honestly, I don’t think I could ever be good enough … Moomintroll deserves someone better than an abomination like me.”
“Abomination?” Little My had the gall to scoff. “What makes you say that? Honestly Snufkin, do you just care about yourself? I thought you felt something towards Moomintroll, and now you are saying that —”
Snufkin put his hand up to have Little My stop speaking. “He could get hurt.”
“And when has that stopped you before?” Little My put her hands on her hips. “Honestly, Snufkin.” She huffed as she stood up, standing in front of Snufkin, poking his head at each of her words. “Sometimes you have to stop listening up here and listen down here.” She jabbed a finger at the center of his chest. “What do you want?”
Snufkin didn’t answer her.
“Moomintroll really loves you, Snufkin. I see it all the time.” Little My’s face softened for just a bit.
Moomintroll didn’t see Snufkin for the rest of the night, he did wait outside the window for a bit, seeing Little My talking to Snufkin about something that honestly made Snufkin feel uncomfortable. Moomin knew when Snufkin got uncomfortable, he knew his best friend like a good book that you could never really put down. His body got all rigid, his hands began to shake, and his eyes darted every which way to find an escape route. In all honesty, it vaguely reminded Moomintroll of a cat.
Yet when Little My came back, Snufkin was nowhere to be found. It seemed that he went back to his tent, where he probably would stay up all night. Moomin finished supper with the thought of Snufkin being all alone while Moomin was just staying here with his family.
“So, Moomintroll?” Moominpapa started. Moomin looked up to his father, titling his head when his name was called. “How is Snufkin doing?”
“Oh …” Moomintroll started as he started down at the half finished plate. He looked at the peas that were littered in the corner, they happened to be Snufkin’s favorite. Moomintroll didn’t like eating vegetables that much, and Snufkin would always be gently reminded by Moominmama to eat healthier. So whenever there was the chance, Snufkin would steal the peas or any vegetable that was off of Moomintroll’s plate, then lifting a finger up to his mouth as if to tell Moomin to not tell anyone. It was those things that made Moomin start to question his feelings for his best friend. “I think he is doing well, he looked very tired this afternoon when I went to go meet him.”
“He has been looking awfully tired lately.” Moominmama spoke up. “I think it gets too cold during the winter, so I am sewing him a thicker blanket.”
“I think that Snufkin would appreciate that, Moominmama.” Moominpapa said, smiling. Moomintroll went back to poking at his peas, not really listening to anything Moominpapa or Moominmama were saying. His thoughts felt like they were a thick mist, not really focusing on anything in particular, just waiting there, lingering, as if something might just pop up. It was almost as though through the thick mist, Moomin could see the silhouette of Snufkin, yet that might have been just wishful thinking.
“Moomin.” Little My kicked his leg gently, which was odd for her.
“Little My.” Moomin said, as if finally acknowledging that she was there. She scoffed, rolled her eyes and then went back to eating her own food. Moomintroll was grateful for her kicking him out of the spiral out of control thoughts, it was as if he needed it. He spent too many countless hours thinking of Snufkin.
“May I be excused?” Moomintroll finally spoke up. Moominmama and Moominpapa both looked at him oddly, before looking to themselves and nodding.
“Is everything alright, dear?” Moominmama asked as Moomin got up, picking up the plate, yet she gently grabbed it out of his hand, placing it back down on the table again.
“Oh yes, everything is fine.” Moomin said, trying to sound almost tired. “It seems like Snufkin, I am tired as well.”
“Okay, well make sure that you get enough rest. Remember tomorrow is the day that we see Snufkin off on his great adventures.” Moominpapa said. Moomin controlled the gasp for air in his throat. He felt his body stand on edge, and then nodded sternly. He walked up the stairs in some kind of dark haze, as if his mind was so used to it that it didn’t even need to think. He didn’t even remember how he got to his room.
He just sat on his bed, looking at the wall in front of him.
“Moomintroll?” Little My asked. Moomintroll didn’t move, he just moved his eyes to see Little My standing by the door, she looked as if she debated on going inside. “May I come inside?” Moomintroll nodded once, very lightly. Little My walked inside and sat down on the bed next to him. It was odd, seeing her so gentle and acute to feelings, she had always been more loud and different towards them. There were those days that she would be quiet enough to comfort, usually Snorkmaiden when she was having one of those days. It was always nice to see the side of Little My that Moomintroll only heard of, as like those fairytales you would read at midnight.
“What’s on your mind?” Little My asked.
“Nothing much.” Moomintroll sighed, looking out the window. That was a lie, he had a lot on his mind, so much that his mind couldn’t keep track of what was on it and what wasn’t.
“Mmm, you and Snufkin said the same thing.” Little My put her finger to her mouth, “yet Snufkin tends to have nothing on his mind at all times, keeps his mind blank. Easier to converse with.” Little My smirked, Moomintroll sat there for a second before realizing what she just said.
“Did you just call him dumb?”
“It depends on how you look at it.” Little My hummed, chuckled at the irony that they asked the same question. “Why are you so worried about what I think about Snufkin?”
“I’m not worried about what you think of him.” Moomintroll said. “It’s just that I didn’t take you as a person to call Snufkin dumb.” Moomintroll paused for a second, then saw Little My’s grin getting bigger by the second. “No wait, I take that back.”
“Figured you would.” Little My looked up at the ceiling before hearing Moomintroll sigh once more. She started to kick her legs back and forth, humming for a minute and then looking at Moomintroll as he put his hands to his face, groaning loudly for a second.
“What am I going to do, Little My?” Moomintroll asked, his voice muffled beneath his paws and fur.
“I don’t know, I am no good at giving this type of advice.” Little My huffed.
“Advice?” Moomintroll got up. “I don’t need advice.”
“Sure, you totally don’t need advice.” Little My said, Moomintroll for a second agreed with her until he realized that she was being sarcastic.
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Little My scoffed, trying to make sure that she didn’t laugh, but then noticed Moomintroll's solemn face, it was like trying to talk to a wall. But this wall kept getting harder and harder until it broke if you told it the wrong things. “Look, I know you admire Snufkin, like a whole lot.” Little My started, Moomintroll still looking at his paws. “And that you wish that one day if Snufkin just asked, you would go with him on his adventures. That you take pride in him being your best friend, yet you are starting to think …” Little My looked to Moomintroll who looked at her. “That you want him more than a friend.”
“That's ridiculous.” Moomintroll scoffed. “Snufkin is just a friend.” Moomintroll sounded frustrated, it was absurd that Moomintroll would be frustrated at Little My for she just stated what she observed. And Moominmama always said that observations are always facts.
“Fine, ignore the facts.” Little My got up, crossing her arms as she made her way to the door. “But don’t come crying to me when the facts hit you in the face, Moomin.” Little My walked out the door, muttering something beneath her breath.
“Well …” Moomintroll started to feel an anger bubble inside of him. “Well you should stay out of other people’s lives!” Moomintroll grabbed a pillow and with all the strength inside of him and threw it at the door. He intended it to hit Little My but she was already out of range, so the pillow had made contact with the door. The pillow had hit a frame as it was down, shattering the glass. Moomintroll knew that frame, it was the first spring that Snufkin had returned. Yet he did not pick it up, he just left it there. Not because he wanted to get rid of his friendship with Snufkin, he just wanted to prove to Little My that there was nothing else there.
Snufkin just sat in his tent, looking up at the top of it, imagining that he was outside looking at the stars. He had been hiding in his tent for the last hour or so, waiting until the sun went down. When the sun went down, it felt like the cold wind brought some clarity to what he was thinking, though there wasn’t much on his mind. Little My seemed to be right, there happened to be not a lot of things on his mind, yet that didn’t make him dumb. He wasn’t dumb, at least he didn’t think he was dumb.
He got up, huffing and pushing the hair out of his face. He opened up his tent and started to walk around it, as if he was inspecting it. He wanted to kick the tent, yet that wouldn’t be ideal because then there would be a rip, and that tent provided as much warmth as needed during the harsh winters. He didn’t have money to stay in an inn when he traveled so trying not to freeze was probably the best option he had.
“What am I going to do?” Snufkin sighed, looking down at the ground as he sat down next to the tent. It seemed to be a warm night, one of the few that he would get when the fall and winter came next. It would torture him until it seemed fit to end, and then he would come back. Why he would torture himself by coming back was a mystery to him, yet he always did.
“I shouldn’t ask him, should I?” Snufkin looked at his hands and then at the sky. Snufkin sighed, getting up and putting on his hat. “What are you doing to yourself, Snufkin?” He asked as he walked along the road back to Moominvalley. He tended to pitch his tent right outside of the valley, in case he needed to make a quick getaway, yet he found himself getting closer and closer.
He didn’t pay attention to where his feet were carrying him, it was like his heart was now in control, something that he rarely did as his heart tended to lead him into very dangerous territory, like what was happening now. He wasn’t an expert at love, he barely even knew what the feeling felt like. He didn’t have a mother or father to show him how it was presented, he doubted that his mother and father even loved him. If they did, they wouldn’t have abandoned him.
Yet Moomintroll wouldn’t be like that. Moomintroll wouldn’t abandon Snufkin like the winter had abandoned all hope of sunlight. Moomintroll would rather walk through hell with Snufkin than through heaven without him. It was his downfall to love everyone so unconditionally as Snufkin reserved himself to everyone almost unconditionally.
“Moomintroll!” Snufkin hissed, he stood at the bottom of the window, looking up, expecting to see it swing open. “Moomintroll! I really need to talk to you!”
It sounded as if someone was moving and the window gently opened very slowly, unusual for Moomintroll.
“Snufkin.” Moomintroll said it was harsh hearing his name said in such a way.
“May I come up, Moomintroll?” Snufkin asked, he tried to keep his desperation out of his voice, Moomintroll looked into his room and then nodded, opening up the window more yet not waiting for Snufkin, he just walked back inside of the room. Something was off.
Snufkin sighed, climbing up the ladder to see Moomintroll sitting crossed legged on his bed, looking at the door leading into his house. Snufkin wanted to step inside of his room, yet didn’t, he stayed at the window.
“Moomintroll, I came to apologize.” Snufkin started, his heart beating so loudly that he thought that everyone might hear it all over Moominvalley.
“Apologize?” Moomintroll looked at Snufkin, that wonder in his eyes was back for a simple second. “What for?”
“For …” Snufkin bit his lip. He never realized how hard it was to tell the truth about feelings when you were so used to telling lies. “For everything.” Snufkin said.
“So, that’s it.” Moomintroll scoffed, turning around. “That’s your apology?”
“What?” Snufkin sounded so surprised at Moomintroll’s tone, he sounded so … off. He never raised his voice, and certainly not at Snufkin. He never turned his back on anyone, and certainly not at Snufkin. He never ever got mad at anyone, and certainly not Snufkin. And it was like the world started crumble around Snufkin as he realized that his stupid decision to run away had caused a friendship to break.
“I didn’t mean to treat you like that.” Snufkin sighed, trying to form the words that were moving too fast for his mind to catch up. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I just needed time, I needed to figure out what these feelings were. I was never mad at you.”
“Then what were you?” Moomintroll got up, clenching his fists. “Then what were you, where were you tired of me? Was I boring you? Did I keep you too closed? Were you getting angry at me?”
“I just said I wasn’t mad at you.” Snufkin tried to talk but Moomintroll just seemed to get more frustrated from there.
“Just tell me! What made you hate me?!” Moomintroll almost yelled.
“Hate you.” Snufkin moved his leg a bit further into Moomintroll’s room. “I never hated you, and I don’t think I would ever hate you.”
“Then what?” Moomintroll took a deep breath. “Then what feelings made this happen between us, we never fight.”
“I …” Snufkin bit his lip, “I cannot … I cannot say.”
“You cannot say?” Moomintroll sighed, “fine, fine. Just leave.”
“But I …”
“Leave!” Moomintroll screamed. Snufkin winced, covering his ears. The sound of the shrill voice hurt it so much, it brought back painful memories. Pain, sorrow, tears, feelings that Snufkin never wished to feel again.
It was like the world stopped moving as Snufkin opened his eyes, still staring at the floor, covering his ears.
“Snufkin!” Moomintroll got up, running to his side when Snufkin just moved down the ladder. He looked down, trying hard to hide the tears that were building up in his eyes.
“Goodbye, Moomintroll. See you next spring.”
The next day, while everyone was off to see Snufkin, Moomintroll stayed in his room. Moominmama and Moominpapa tried to get him to come out, since his best friend was leaving for months on end, yet … he didn’t. Moomintroll doubted that Snufkin wanted to even see him. After what Moomintroll did, he knew better than to raise his voice at Snufkin, it brought back terrible memories.
“Where is Moomintroll?” Snufkin asked as he stood in front of the bridge.
“Oh you know,” Little My started. “Sulking in his room.” She shook her head. “He wouldn’t tell me what happened …”
“We had a fight.” Snufkin interrupted her.
“I know, I heard.” Little My sighed. “You guys tend to be very loud, thankfully Moominmama and Moominpapa are heavy sleepers.” Little My’s voice softened. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Snufkin stared ahead, at the window to Moomintroll’s bedroom which had been covered up by curtains.
“You don’t sound fine.”
“A person that is fine sounds just like this.” Snufkin smiled down at her. “They aren’t good yet they aren’t bad.”
“And they lie.” Little My added that part softly. “You know how much you hate yelling.”
“I know, but Moomintroll didn’t mean to do it, he was angry.” Snufkin sighed, looking down at the ground. “When you talk to Moomintroll again, tell him …”
“Well, why don’t you tell him yourself, when you come back next spring.” Little My walked back on the bridge away from Snufkin. “You will have a lot of time to think about what you are going to say on your travels.”
“Yet you said that I tend to have nothing on my mind.” Snufkin smiled.
“I did say that, didn’t I?” Little My looked back at Snufkin. “Be careful.”
“I will be.” Snufkin nodded his head towards Little My. “Take care of them while I am gone, won’t you.”
“I’ll make sure that Moomintroll doesn’t die of guilt as well.” Little My laughed. “And I won’t bring him down anymore than he needs to be.”
“Little My!” Snufkin yelled, he was about to say something when Little My put her hand to her ear, cupping it around it.
“I cannot hear you!” She yelled, then continued to walk along.
“Little bugger.” Snufkin rolled his eyes, and he began to walk into the forest. There was something eating up inside of him, wanting to turn back and look, or just talk to Moomintroll, ask him … yet he didn’t. He just kept walking, he didn’t even look back.
“Moomintroll?” Little My knocked on the door. “Moomintroll I know you are in there because I certainly didn’t see you come out.” She began to knock harder on the door, making it shake until it opened up, Moomintroll looking down at her with annoyance. “See I knew you would let me in.”
“That is because you kept on knocking.” Moomintroll opened up the door more as Little My walked in and sat down on Moomintroll’s bed, she sighed as she let herself fall flat onto the mattress, looking at Moomintroll.
“Come on.” She waved her hand. “Tell me all about it.” Moomintroll sighed as he closed the door and sat down next to Little My.
“We never fight.” Moomintroll started. “It was like … when he looked at me … he didn’t even know who I was. It was like he was looking at Joxter … that fear in his eyes. Snufkin was afraid of me.” Moomintroll looked as if he hadn’t slept all night, just thinking about the fear that he described Snufkin showed. Little My sat up, suddenly interested. She had always known Snufkin to be a calm person, and in the face of an adversary seemed to think on his feet. He never really showed fear in his life. “I couldn’t … it was like Snufkin didn’t even know who I was anymore.”
“I don’t think that is true.” Little My said softly, she tried to think of something to change his mind, yet nothing really came up.
“No, that is true.” Moomintroll looked at Little My. “You cannot tell me that isn’t true anymore. Now I know the truth more than anyone, ever since Snufkin met Joxter, things have been different between us. He’s been avoiding me. I know that Joxter is his father, I am not stupid like he thinks I am.” Moomintroll started to raise his voice. “I just wish … I just wish he could trust me like he used to. I am not weak and in need of help all the time. I can take care of myself. I just wish that Snufkin would see that in me. I wish Snufkin could see me!”
“I’m sure he does.” Little My said.
“I know, but he doesn’t at the same time.” Moomintroll said, waving his hands in the air. “I wish that Snufkin could see how I truly feel about him.”
“And that is?” Little My asked further, she suddenly got interested.
“I …” Moomin lost control of his words. “I love him.” He whimpered out. “I love him so much yet he doesn’t love me back.” He looked at the ground, his feet still. Little My was silent as well, she knew this to be true, it was always true of them. She could see it from a mile away, everyone could see it from a mile away. It was just that those two couldn’t see it if it was right in front of their noses.
"I miss Snufkin." Moomintroll simply stated. Little My fought the need to scoff right in his face, to not just go on a rant on how he just didn't miss Snufkin, it was much more than that, yet Moomin was in denial. Yet when she looked in his eyes, there was darkness, a realization of what he thought, and when that realization hit, it was like the world split in two. "He doesn't want me, not like I want him."
Months passed like a daze, it was the same old thing, day in and day out. Snufkin would go from town to town, from place to place, see new things, explore new heights. Sleep underneath the stars, breathe the fresh air, swim in the hot pools, just wander. Yet there was something missing, and Snufkin wasn’t stupid and he could tell what it was.
Moomintroll.
“Hello there traveler.” Snufkin stopped as he looked to a nearby shop, an elderly woman seemed to be selling something that looked like pendants. “Where do you come from?”
“Nowhere.” Snufkin answered.
“Mmm, never heard of that.” The lady chuckled, she looked at his hat for a second before smiling, her eyes widening. “You must have come from Moominvalley, am I correct?”
“How …” Snufkin's eyes widened and he reached a hand up to his hat, forgetting all about the flowers that Moomintroll put on it days before he left.
“Those are sea lilies, they only grow in Moominvalley.” The lady smiled. “So do you have someone waiting for you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Odd, usually someone would give sea lilies to their lover,” Snufkin almost choked on nothing. He looked up at the lady, whose eyes shined with a joy that he had not seen in anyone. “Here, for your travels. And for the lovely person waiting for you to return.” She grabbed his hand gently and put a pendant of a sea lily in it. “Made it myself.” She said proudly. “It’s on the house.”
Snufkin had tried to convince her to let him pay with the little money that he had, yet she just brushed him off, saying that it was not needed. Finally he agreed, waving goodbye to the lady, as he looked down at the pendant. There was no way. Moomintroll never actually … meant to do that. Or …
Snufkin made his way to a crossroad, one that led to another town and another that led to Moominvalley. Snufkin looked at the two signs for a while before taking one last look at the pendant in his pocket and turned left on the path that led back to Moominvalley.
“Moomintroll!” Little My screamed on the top of her lungs. Moomintroll yelped awake, throwing his hands up and down before scowling at Little My for waking him up.
“Leave me alone.” Moomintroll put his blanket over his head before Little My took it off of him.
“Come on, let’s go.” Little My groaned as she pulled his arm. “It’s spring, Snufkin will be back.”
“I doubt that.” Moomintroll groaned yet got up from his bed and followed Little My down the stairs, holding the blanket around his shoulders as he kept rubbing his eyes, still not awake. Moominmama was already awake, making breakfast.
“Good morning, Moomintroll.” Moominmama smiled as she rubbed his head and put down a plate of food in front of him. Usually Moomintroll would eat almost everything on his plate after he woke from his sleep, yet something was off this day. Moomintroll just picked at the food on his plate, looking at it.
“He’s not going to come.” Moomintroll sighed.
“Don’t say that.” Little My sat down next to him. “I am sure that he is going to come.”
“You wouldn’t if the last thing you heard was your best friend telling you to get out.” Moomintroll sighed. “To leave.”
“Moomintroll.” Moominmama smiled as Moominpapa came inside. “Snufkin is back.”
Moomintroll almost fell out of his chair when he got up, running out the door as Moominpapa barely made it out of the way. Moomintroll looked around before seeing Snufkin run up to the bridge. They spared glances at each other before Moomintroll ran up to the bridge, sprinting before he lost his breath. Snufkin didn’t make any moves as he was breathing very heavily as if he had just ran the entire valley ways to get here.
Moomintroll caught his breath before running the rest of the way.
“Snufkin!”
“M-Moomintroll.” Snufkin panted out. Snufkin was about to say something else before Moomintroll scooped him, spinning him around before losing grip and they both collapsed to the floor, Snufkin laughed as he hugged Moomintroll, burying his face in his shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” Moomintroll hugged him back. “I never meant to scare you, I never meant to yell at you. I’m so sorry.”
“No I’m sorry.” Snufkin said, his voice muffled. “It’s okay,” Snufkin tried to speak yet Moomintroll kept talking and apologizing until he started to cry and his voice broke. “Moomin.” Snufkin let him go and gently grabbed his face. “It’s okay, it’s fine.” Snufkin smiled. “I love you too.”
“What?” Moomintroll’s eyes widened. “You …”
“I know.” Snufkin pulled out the pendant. He ran his finger over it, “I know. If …”
“I love you too.” Moomintroll said softly.
“You do?” Snufkin shook his head.
“Yeah, I didn’t know how to tell you or anything and I am sorry for not telling you and …” Moomintroll moved his hand around and groaned, as if he couldn’t find the words to say. Snufkin chuckled, grabbed his hand and kissed him on the nose. Moomintroll gasped, his eyes turned wide. “What.”
“I know.” Snufkin said, pushing his hat down to hide his blush. “I know.”