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It wasn’t the first time Dongyoung felt he hadn’t done enough to deserve something like this. Something about waking up every day to Taeyong’s arm wrapped around his waist, head tucked under his chin, hot puffs of air softly caressing his skin from his peaceful slumber; it felt, at times, fake to Dongyoung. As if one day he would wake up to find it had all been a dream, all but a figment of his imagination. Yet it kept happening; the following day his eyes opened to Taeyong trying to get out of bed quietly only to turn around and find Dongyoung looking at him, a soft sheepish smile on his face as he murmurs a soft apology, his eyes shining as he leans down to kiss Dongyoung’s nose, then softly peck his lips. Dongyoung kisses back, greedy for the love and attention Taeyong so openly gives him. He thinks he doesn't deserve it, again the next morning as Taeyong sets a perfectly brewed cup of green tea with honey in front of him, chattering away about what he’s thinking of doing for today’s class. Dongyoung barely registers that Taeyong is leaving as he pecks him on the lips, an “I’ll see you later" muttered against them as he kisses him again. He turns to grab his bag, coat, and keys that hang next to the door, turning to give him a soft smile. Dongyoung must’ve missed something, feels like he did, as Taeyong lowers his head and is out the door with a soft “bye” that Dongyoung doesn’t get to hear completely as the door closes shut. Dongyoung thinks he hasn’t done nearly enough to have such warmth and happiness surrounding him. Dongyoung thinks Taeyong definitely deserves more than what he’s so freely giving Dongyoung.
But Dongyoung can’t seem to ever let go. He basks in every moment Taeyong shows him love. Taeyong is so eager to give, give and give, and Dongyoung just takes it all, whether he’s deserving of it or not. It’s moments like those when Dongyoung’s mind goes blank, his anxieties almost gone, when Taeyong wordlessly wraps his arms around him as he works on the dishes of the dinner they just had, talking about everything and nothing. Or when Taeyong brings him a gift home from the store because “it made me think of you”. When Taeyong kisses him in a seemingly innocent way as they’re getting settled in bed, quickly turning into all teeth and desperation, biting and sucking. When Taeyong whines at the back of his throat, and Dongyoung gives all of it; all of the love he takes and takes back. He worships Taeyong with hard thrusts, fingers digging so deep they bruise his lithe waist. Dongyoung thinks he doesn’t deserve to see Taeyong writhing against their bedsheets as he pants softly and mewls, the image keeping him tethered to the reality that this is his life, that Taeyong’s here and he’s taking his cock oh so nicely, asking him to please, please, baby harder, please don’t stop. Taeyong’s hands make their way up Dongyoung’s back, his fingertips digging hard into the flesh he traces when Dongyoung’s strokes fill him deep and slow. Dongyoung doesn’t miss the look of pure lust and love and adoration in Taeyong’s big eyes, shining with unshed tears as Dongyoung fucks into him, harder and deeper. Dongyoung fucks him as if Taeyong were to disappear at any moment, his moans lost on Dongyoung’s mouth as he nips on Taeyong’s swollen lips, red from tugging them between his teeth, licks into his mouth until Taeyong is so soft and pliant. Dongyoung showers him with his own praises of how you’re taking my cock so well, and you’re so good for me, hyung, hyung— fuck; the sounds a symphony harmonized by Taeyong’s staccatos ah, ah, ah, and Dongyoung once again doesn’t know what he did to deserve this.
But then at 5:59 am, a little too early in the morning, Dongyoung is pulled out of his slumber by the faint light of a light post just outside their bedroom window. He wakes up just a minute before their alarm goes off, yet the sun’s not out, the sound of raindrops pattering on the window. His gaze slowly focuses on the sleeping form next to him, Taeyong’s naked form curled up under the blanket, his cold legs pressed firmly against Dongyoung’s own; their heater clearly not enough to fight against the autumn cold. Even in the chill of the morning, his heart fills with warmth at the sight. The way Taeyong’s lashes flutter, his lips shiny and parted, a mumble escaping them from time to time. It makes Dongyoung chuckle, and he forgets about his worries, however crippling as they sometimes may be.
He gets up then, puts on his sweats and shirt, and turns off the alarm before it’s able to wake Taeyong up. He’ll probably kick up a fuss about sleeping in, even if it’s a Saturday and he has no classes to get to (“It messes up with my internal clock, Dongyoung!”). He grabs another blanket they must’ve kicked off in the night, puts it over Taeyong, and kisses his temple. Taeyong buries himself more into the mattress, if possible, and stays there, breath leveled, eyes firmly shut. Dongyoung busies himself around their apartment, unloads the dishwasher, feeds their cat, and Taeyong’s fish, cleans as much as he can without making too much noise. As the rain clears and the sun pops out, he makes his way to the kitchen to put the kettle on. It’s quiet as he looks out the window, the city below waking up, a couple of cars and people making their way out to start their day. Dongyoung grabs their cups and starts preparing their tea, his green with honey, Taeyong’s with a little bit of cream and cinnamon.
He hears scuffling behind him, then feels his lover's arms wrap around his waist, Taeyong’s face on his back. He’s mumbling something against the fabric of Dongyoung’s shirt, the vibrations making Doyoung chuckle.
“What are you saying?” Dongyoung says as he turns, leaning against the counter to accommodate Taeyong between his legs properly.
“You turned off my alarm… now I'm gonna have trouble getting up when I have to get ready for class…” he says, voice groggy from sleep, eyes shut as he leans into Dongyoung’s embrace.
He hums in acknowledgment, a small smile on his lips as he caresses Taeyong’s back. They stay like that for a while, Taeyong eventually asking if he fed Miski, and the fish. He hums again, hands Taeyong his cup of tea (“I remembered the cinnamon this time.”), and make their plans for the day. Taeyong says he’d like to stay in, they have some dramas to catch up on, and the weather channel said it was going to rain a lot during the weekend anyways. And so it’s settled.
“I love you.” It falls so easily from Dongyoung’s lips today, yet it still catches Taeyong unaware. Dongyoung doesn’t say it often, doesn’t need to, really, but hearing it makes Taeyong’s chest well up, and unbidden tears cover his eyes.
“I love you too, Doie.”
Taeyong knows where Dongyoung comes from, and he understands. He never doubts Dongyoungs love for him, and he doesn’t think he ever has. It’s just hard, for Dongyoung, to accept more than what he thinks he’s deserving of. To be able to say the words. But Taeyong has no reservations when it comes to showing and needing Dongyoung to know just how much he means to him.
It’s almost never hard, their relationship something beautiful, built from understanding and support, but most importantly, acceptance. Taeyong loves and adores him, with every single one of his flaws and however many difficult moments Dongyoung may encounter, when his doubts and fears are able to darken Dongyoung’s ever-glowing existence. Taeyong would bring Dongyoung the sun if it’s what Dongyoung needed to assert Taeyong’s love for him. But Dongyoung never needs anything more than waking up to Taeyong’s arms wrapped around him, a whole another day where they get to love and be loved, unconditionally.