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So the entire thing is Gansey’s fault. Everything more or less is; Gansey, Adam thinks, could probably have an entire scientific reasearch lab dedicated to the way he makes things happen.
Nonwithstanding the fact that the thing had already been happening, been crawling steadily to a climax for months. Or how Adam had been maybe possibly instigating it. Or how it was Ronan who had knocked on his door, sleepless and restless and expected.
“Gansey is literally a dick” Ronan explains casually. He tosses himself onto Adam’s bed and tosses a bag of chocolate onto the floor as if its a regular occurence. And it is. The game of ‘I’m going to pretend that I have a reason to come here and you’re going to pretend that you’re annoyed as I cause unbelievable levels of confusing feelings, and also bring you food’ Ronan has been playing has been going on for weeks now, maybe months. Adam thinks its part of Ronan’s crush. Maybe he doesn’t know exactly why, but it’s the simplest explanation- nothing short of how both uncharacteristic and so very Ronan it is, how Adam’s heart beats in his chest every time theres a knock on the door, how he’s beginning to admit to himself that maybe it’s not just Ronan. Maybe it never was.
It’s grown so that Adam expects Ronan to knock on his door every other few nights. And that’s simple, that’s easy. Ronan complains about school, complains about Gansey, swears a lot, and then surreptiously shoves himself into Adam’s home like he belongs there.
Which he does. But he also belongs at Monmouth, which is why Adam chokes on a mouthful of weird chocolate orange things. He swallows, and turns to Ronan who’s just sprawling on his cheap Ikea mattress easy as you please. Ronan raises an eyebrow. Adam blushes. They play another quick family game of ‘How sexually confused can I make you in the space of five seconds’ before Ronan clears his throat like an unusually violent opera singer before launching on his explanation.
“I’m not kicked out forever,” Ronan says, and Adam knows this because Gansey is many things, but a bad friend is not one of them. “I was playing music too loud, and hes been weird lately, you know. So he was like,” Here Ronan does a passable imitation of Gansey’s accent, “‘Would you like to play that somewhere else because I am trying to get a proper hardon for Glendower, its very important and difficult and Etc, Ronan stop rolling your eyes, no I’m not your mother, maybe you should find somewhere else to be obnoxious right now then, blah blah.“
Then he gestures widely, and buries his head in Adam’s pillow.
"I have to study,” Adam says because thats what hes supposed to say. Ronan snorts and says “Like I care,” because that is what Ronan is supposed to do.
But the thing is, Adam thinks as he cracks open one of his books and settles in for a long hour of being too distracted to read, The thing is that he likes this. Life is hell and Ronan is a complete and utter asshole ninety percent of the time- But theres also times like this, when their lives aren’t consumed with the quest and with school and with every bit of anger that their souls can muster.
What this is he doesn’t have a name for yet. Probably. Or maybe he’s just too afraid to call it something, and Adam thinks that’s as likely as anything else. Ronan rolls onto the floor from his bed, and Adam wants to say that he can stay. He can stay on his bed, in his room, in his life, because theres this thing-
It’s only when he notices that he’s read the same paragraph three times and hasn’t absorbed any of it that Adam decides to call it a night. He picks up the bag from the floor, puts it on his desk, ducks into the bathroom to put on boxers and a t-shirt. Then he steps into his room and is kind of struck in the gut by a realization.
Ronan is curled up on his side, still in his ragged jeans and shirt, still sharp and dangerous and beautiful and lying on the floor of Adam’s shitty one room apartment because thats all Adam’s ever given him and that’s all Ronan’s ever expected.
And Adam thinks, Ronan.
And Adam thinks, oh, man, I am so fucked.
Because it hasn’t been just this for a while now. Maybe Ronan never thought that Adam would like him back and maybe Adam thought that, too, but here he is with his pulse beating in his ears and his voice caught in his throat and a flush crawling up his neck for no other reason than Ronan is sleeping in his room, for no other reason than that Ronan has slept in his room at a hand’s length away dozens of times and how has Adam never realized anything until now?
Ronan likes Adam.
Adam likes Ronan.
Insert one of Blue’s characteristic ‘Bah-dum-tsss’ noises here.
Ronan says “What the fuck, Parrish,” and Adam realizes another thing, which is that he’s been standing in the light of the bathroom for like ten minutes, just staring at Ronan and having a complete spiritual journey while Ronan has probably been staring at him for more or less the same reason.
Again, bah-dum-tss.
Adam walks across the floor and lays down in his bed and now he and Ronan are staring at each other from about five inches away and god why was Adam doing this this was a terrible idea.
“Hey,” Adam says.
“Hey,” Ronan says.
“Did you really introduce yourself today with a pun?”
Ronan grins. “Did you really figure that out just now?”
Adam smiles back and then he can’t help himself, he’s laughing, he’s laughing at Ronan’s expression and at himself and at the world in general. Ronan looks confused until he doesn’t, because he realizes too, and then he’s laughing along with Adam. Great big heaving laughs, making their chests ache with more than proximity.
When they’re finally breathless and gasping, Adam clutching his side from stitches and Ronan letting out uncontrollable little snickers, Adam notices that they’re so close now that he could kiss Ronan, if he wanted to. They’re both on their backs and Adam’s glorified exercise mat means that they’re at pretty much the same level. It’s silent, the stillness in the room turning into tension like a pulled wire. If Adam turned on his side and leaned over he could kiss Ronan, if he wanted to.
Which he does.
Except Adam turns on his side and Ronan’s already looking at him, so its not so much leaning over as falling completely when Adam nudges Ronan’s nose with his and presses their lips together. Quietly, chastely, hot air on the exhale, eyes halfway open and then falling shut. He can feel Ronan shiver, feels the heat of his skin when they just barely break apart to look at each other.
One breath, two breaths, Ronan shaking like he’s about to fall to pieces. Adam cups the back of his neck, thumb stroking the sharpness of his jaw, leaning up to press his lips to his forehead in apology.
“Sorry I didn’t realize sooner,” Adam mumbles.
Ronan shakes his head. “I didn’t think,” he says, and then falters, like he’s lost for words.
“Didn’t think what?” he asks quietly.
Ronan surges up, kisses Adam hard like he’s drowning and Adam has air. It takes Adam aback for a second, a small noise escaping into Ronan’s mouth before he settles into it, a hand on the back of Ronan’s neck pulling him closer and the other finding purchase on Ronan’s shoulder. He scoots up against the wall, tugs Ronan with him so that he’s kneeling between Adam’s knees. Its soft and intense and he wants it to last forever, the slide of their mouths, Ronan’s thumb stroking his jaw. He tastes like oranges, smells like smoke and gasoline.
Ronan breaks apart, kisses his jaw and then down to the junction between his shoulder and neck. Adam gasps a little. He doesn’t mean to, but Ronan jerks his head up.
“Shit, sorry, that’s too much isn’t it?” Ronan sounds- really apologetic, his eyes worried, and oh god that’s way too much for Adam’s tiny little heart to handle.
He presses a kiss to Ronan’s lips. “No. It felt- kind of really nice, actually.” Ronan still looks doubtful, so Adam presses another kiss to his lips. “But lets just have this for now, okay?”
Ronan nods. They both know they need to talk about this. You can’t just go from nothing to everything in ten minutes flat, and this is new. Mostly new. The kissing and touching is new, anyway.
Adam leads Ronan back down onto the mattress, moves the comforter over them both. Ronan lets him do this, which is probably saying a lot, honestly.
They look at each other without touching for a few minutes. Adam is thinking a lot, and Ronan probably knows this, because he wiggles under the comforter a little and opens his arms.
Adam raises his eyebrows at him. “What?”
Ronan rolls his eyes. “Come here, you asshole,” so Adam moves forward and buries a grin in Ronan’s shoulder. He slides his arms around Ronan’s waist, feels Ronan’s own circle around his back.
At some point, he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knows is Gansey opening the door with a “Adam, I know you’re busy but Ronan and I had a fight last night and now I can’t find him- Wait, WHAT” and Ronan cackling with laughter beside him as Gansey sputters indignantly.
( “Why didn’t you try to call me!”
“I did, five times! I hope at the very least you and Ronan were being safe-”
“WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS” )