Chapter Text
The warehouse condo was the largest expense Jared had ever undertaken. But it was perfect. The old brick warehouse had been converted into six residences and Jared could, for the first time in his life, afford to buy.
It was the new job that was responsible for things finally coming together in his life. He had been working at CMM ImageWorks overseeing the rebranding accounts for about six months. Jared had received rave reviews at the completion of his three month probation period.
All his work at school had finally paid off. He had a great job that he loved and, now, a really fantastic home.
Jared had chosen the top suite in the building. There were six flights of stairs or a loud ride in a cool old cargo elevator. Floor-to-ceiling windows had been a big selling point but there was also a view of the Bay and a glass-walled shower with two showerheads. There was so much kitchen that Jared wasn't sure he even knew what to do with it all. There was secure parking on the ground floor and best of all, a live-in super to help with renovations and repairs. Apparently the guy was a carpenter or something and any renovations he did, short of knocking things down, was covered in the monthly strata fees.
"This place is fucking amazing," Jeff said as he wandered over to Jared's newly-delivered couch.
Jared laughed, delighted at his friend's excitement and headed over to the tall, black fridge to grab two cold beers. As he swung back out of the kitchen Jared handed one of the cool bottles to Jeff.
"I chose the wrong profession, obviously," Jeff said wistfully. He sank down onto the couch and took a swig of beer.
"Being a nurse is perfect for you and you know it."
The hospital, in fact, was where Jared had met his best friend. Jared had dislocated his shoulder playing pickup football and Jeff had been one of the nurses who helped to shove it back into place.
Jared tousled Jeff's black hair and sat down on the arm of the couch.
Jeff was smiling fondly when he looked up at Jared. "You know it. But, seriously? This place is wild."
There was no way Jared would disagree. He knew he was guilty of buying a place that was far more than he needed in terms of a home. But he spent a lot of time at home; he even worked there a few days a week.
"Wanna know something funny?" Jared asked.
"What?"
"I can't even cook." As he glanced over at the kitchen island Jared couldn't help grinning.
Jeff laughed and nearly spilled his beer when he smacked his hand down on his thigh.
"Do not spill that on my new sofa!"
But Jeff just laughed harder. The floor, after all, was polished concrete.
When he finally stopped laughing, Jeff groaned and wiped his eyes. "Idiot."
"I love you, too."
After he set his beer on the coffee table Jeff looked over where the movers had stacked all of Jared's boxes of books. "What's goin' on over there with that train wreck?"
Jared had to admit that it was a bit of a mess. One of the drawbacks of warehouse-style living was that Jared would have to create a lot of storage. "I emailed the super. Apparently, the guy is a crazy-good carpenter. I'm thinking about three sections of bookshelves? Maybe each of them four feet across.
"Listen to you." Jeff grinned and bumped his shoulder into Jared's hip. "You sound like a host on the Home and Garden network."
"Right." Jared could feel his cheeks burning a little. He was in a little over his head but it was going to be fun.
"You've done good, Kid," Jeff said warmly. He'd been around long enough to know that it had been an uphill climb for Jared.
"Thanks," Jared said when he trusted his voice to stay steady. Jeff was the closest thing Jared had to family and he felt pretty blessed.
"So, get that nice ass of yours into your glorious kitchen and get me food. My shift was brutal."
Jared's beer clinked on his table when he set it down. "Jeff, I have a wonderful collection of Thai leftovers and a microwave."
Jeff groaned and settled back onto the couch to try and choose the right remote control to turn the television on.
-=-=-=-
The work week had been insane. Jared's account load had doubled once he passed probation. He'd created some great logos and two of them were already approved by clients. He'd never been busier and he'd never enjoyed himself more.
That being said, Jared was looking forward to the weekend and some time at his new home.
It was Friday night; Jared had some good movies cued up on Netflix and Jeff was coming over with Chinese Food from their favorite place.
For a while, Jared peered out one of the tall windows and watched the waves as the tide came in. He'd always loved the ocean and here it was, right outside his window.
A little bit of disbelief crept into Jared's mind and he shook his head. "Crazy."
By the time Jared had changed into jeans and a beat up old t-shirt he was starving.
The bang on the door made Jared jump and his stomach growled in displeasure. "Finally!"
"Jesus, Jeff. Did you go to another city for the food?" Jared asked as he yanked the door open.
When he saw who was on the other side of the door Jared took a step back.. All the blood drained from Jared's face and he felt a little light-headed. "What? What the hell are you doing here?"
It was the very last person that Jared wanted or expected to see: Jensen Ackles. It had been four years since they'd last seen each other. And it had taken about that long for Jared to get over him.
Now, the man was standing there with a toolbox and a ring of keys on his belt that resembled a Christmas decoration.
"What-" Suddenly Jared was left without words. Jensen Ackles. The man who had come into Jared's life and changed everything. Things between them had started great but everything had slowly disintegrated. Jensen had so many secrets and he was so closed off to Jared; there were times when the walls around Jensen had seemed unassailable. Eventually, Jared had done the hardest thing that he had ever done; he left Jensen.
As Jared's thoughts settled back into some semblance of awareness he realized that Jensen was still standing there in the open door and he was looking more angry than anything else. And he had no right to be.
Finally, Jared's limbs began to wake from their stunned slumber. He stepped back and grabbed the edge of the door to slam it in Jensen's face.
But when he shoved the door closed it thumped into the boot that Jensen had stuck just inside the condo. "super," Jensen said from the other side of the door.
The word made some kind of sense to Jared but what made no sense was that the title super and Jensen's presence.
"Leave," Jared said as he stepped back from the party-closed door.
"Jared, I'm the super in the building. You emailed and said you wanted me to build bookshelves."
Jared covered his face with his hands for a few moments. It couldn't be happening. Jensen couldn't be outside his door. There was no way Jensen was outside the door of Jared's brand new home. It had been four years since Jared had left Jensen and moved on to a completely different life and it had been the hardest thing he'd ever done.
Then there was another voice in the hallway and the boot finally eased out of the door.
Everything went quiet for a moment then Jared heard Jeff's voice.
"Jared? You okay?"
The door opened slowly, but this time Jeff was standing in the entrance just in front of Jensen. "Your handyman is here."
"super," Jensen said from outside. "And I'm a carpenter."
"Leave," Jared said. He was glad that Jensen was still on the other side of the door because his eyes were like some kind of Venus Fly Trap. Jared had been sucked into Jensen's mess once before and he couldn't afford to do it again.
"Look, Jared," Jeff said weakly. "I know I'm a bit late but the food is hot. It was busier than hell in that place."
"Not you." Jared yanked the door open and pointed at Jensen. "Him."
"The handyman?" Jeff had never looked more confused. He stepped all the way into Jared's condo hesitantly and held up the food like an offering.
"I'm a carpenter," Jensen said again.
"I'm losing my mind," Jared said as he slid his hands into his hair. "That's what this is. I'm finally losing it."
The bag of food crinkled as Jeff set it on the table beside the door. "You don't want bookshelves anymore?"
Jared closed his eyes until he felt a little less like hurling himself out of the nearest window. "Jeff, this is... that is Jensen."
Looking more puzzled than ever Jeff turned and smiled weakly at Jensen. "Hi, Jensen. You're going to work on the shelves?"
Jensen shrugged and looked over at Jared.
"No," Jared answered sharply. "He's not working on anything in here. Jeff, he's not Jensen the super, he's my Jensen."
One of Jensen's eyebrows lifted and his head tilted slightly. Jared remembered the look clear as day; Jensen was letting Jared know that his choice of words wasn't quite right.
Jared let out an exasperated sigh. "He is the Jensen from four years ago."
"Oh." Jeff's expression morphed into something much more stern. "You didn't tell me he was the super."
"I didn't know," Jared answered quickly. Had he known that Jensen with his green eyes and stupid freckles was even in the same city Jared night have considered moving.
Jeff stepped in front of Jared protectively so he could keep an eye on Jensen. "You knew when you came here."
It was a statement not a question because it was a fact. Jeff had been at the condo the night Jared had emailed. Jared's full name was on his email signature and Jensen hadn't looked all that surprised when he saw his ex.
Jensen shifted his weight, shrugged and his knuckles tightened on the handles of his tool box. "Yeah. I knew Jared was here. I got his email.”
"And you didn't think it would be a good idea to let him know you were the handyman before you came up here, I take it?"
"I'm not a god-damned handyman," Jensen snapped. "And I didn't tell him - uh you because - wait, who the hell are you anyway? Are you two-"
"Do not ask questions about me," Jared cut in. "You need to leave." Jared was shaking and, for some reason, it felt like his hands were going numb.
"I think that's a good idea," Jeff said. His tone was slightly stern.
When Jared looked over at Jensen their gazes locked. Jared's heart was beating so fast he could hear his blood rushing in his ears. There was a strange smile on Jensen's face and then he nodded once. He turned and headed back to the staircase. It wasn't until the sound of boots on the stairs drifted back down the hall that Jeff closed the door slowly.
"Chinese food?" Jeff asked as he turned to face Jared.
Jared shrugged and folded his arms across his chest.
Jensen Fucking Ackles.
-=-=-=-
Jeff set the food out on the kitchen island slowly and precisely. Jared could tell that his friend was killing time while Jared tried to get himself together. It was appreciated. Even though Jared wanted to spill his guts to Jeff he wasn't sure that he could string together the words to make himself understood. It had taken so long for Jared to turn everything around after he had left Jensen.
In fact, leaving Jensen had felt almost impossible. Jared had felt so much and he'd had to learn to live with leaving it all behind.
"I'm not gonna ask any questions," Jeff said as he spooned some food onto each of their plates.
All Jared could hear was the occasional clink of the spoon against the plates and the cardboard of the containers sliding on the counter.
His mind was still racing. It was a little like rewinding a video so fast it was almost impossible to see any clear images. It all went right back to when Jared had first met Jensen, back before everything had gone south.
"But, Jared? Just because I'm not going to ask questions doesn't mean that I won't listen if you want to tell me." Jeff took the plates over to the dining room table and sat down.
"I told you," Jared said softly. He headed over to the table and sank down onto the chair opposite Jeff's.
Jeff nodded slowly and stabbed a chicken ball with his fork. He went to put it in his mouth and then stopped about halfway there. "You told me the basics. You met Jensen, you guys were together a lot, you were crazy about him and he just wouldn't let you in. You told me you left and that was the end of it. Only it wasn't, was it?"
Jared shook his head. That really was about all he'd told Jeff and it really just scratched the surface. He didn't want to pour his heart out. It wouldn't change anything, nor would it make anything the slightest bit easier.
After he swept his hair back off his face Jared looked up at Jeff. "It's a very long story."
"I'm sleeping here tonight anyway."
Jared felt a little relieved. Jeff knew him well enough to know that Jared wouldn't want to be alone.
"You'll think I'm an idiot."
"I already think you're an idiot and it's got nothing to do with your past." Jeff's smile was so full of warmth that Jared couldn't help fixing Jeff with one of his own.
The food didn't look all that appealing to Jared once he was sitting in front of it. Truth be told, his stomach had been feeling a little queasy since Jensen had left. "Grab a couple of beers and I'll tell you."
The scraping sound of Jeff's chair sliding back made Jared grimace. Jeff was a little too enthusiastic about hearing more of Jared's past and the sound of it set his nerves on edge.
There was a beer in front of Jared pretty quickly and he was faced with trying to actually sort out his memories.
"Talk," Jeff ordered as he took a bite out of his chicken ball.
Jared sighed.
-=-=-=-
They had met on a park bench. Jared wandered around campus sometimes and there was a bench in amongst the ornamental cherry trees. Jared loved it there. It was one of the most beautiful places he knew. It was a little like leaving the whole city behind.
The bench was well hidden under the drooping branches. Jared had never seen anyone else. Well, not until the day he saw Jensen.
Jared had been listening to music, face upturned to the heat of the sun that was trickling through the branches. His eyes were closed and he was swaying slightly to the music.
When he opened his eyes Jensen was standing there. He was dressed in perfectly-fitting jeans and a t-shirt that was dark red. His hair was a little tousled. It was longer then and had little curls that tickled the skin on Jensen's neck.
But it was Jensen's eyes that sealed Jared's fate. They were a kind of leaf green color, light glinting off them. And his lashes were so long and dark that Jared could see them from where he sat.
Startled Jared pulled the earbuds out of his ears.
And they had introduced themselves.
They had talked for three hours that day. They covered everything from books to bacon. Sometimes they agreed; more often they disagreed but it didn't seem to matter.
They were a couple within a week and Jared was so hooked he almost completely lost sight of everything else.
As he looked back Jared could more clearly see that there had been some unusual things about Jensen from the very beginning. It had just been a lot easier for Jared to miss them when he was so focused on the way it felt to be pressed up against Jensen's firm body.
For instance, once they were anywhere in public Jensen would stiffen up. He would look almost unsettled, as though he was expecting something bad to happen.
Little things became bigger over time. When they were in public Jensen wouldn't ever take Jared's hand, or even touch him for that matter. It wasn't that Jared wanted to be all PDA about it but it was always pretty easy to tell when someone didn't want to be seen.
The sex, Jared had assured Jeff, was amazing. Sometimes, Jensen seemed a little reserved or like he was holding back. It always felt a little like Jensen was the one making the decisions; he was always the one in control. By that time though, Jared loved him too much to object. Besides, he'd always thought they would have time to work through things.
Jared had known so little about Jensen when it came down to it. He knew Jensen was a lawyer, but not where he worked or what kind of law he practiced. Jensen's answer was always that it was really boring and that spending time with Jared was time away from the stress of work. Jensen lived on the south side of the city but Jared had never been to his house.
While Jared was talking he'd seen the way Jeff had begun to look a little sceptical. Jared understood. It was hard to believe that Jared hadn't been bothered by the way Jensen kept himself so walled off.
It was a pretty classic sign that Jensen was being deceptive. And yeah, afterwards Jared would speculate. Maybe Jensen wasn't out. maybe he had a partner already. Maybe he was ashamed to be seen with Jared. Yeah. Hindsight was twenty-twenty.
The breaking point, for Jared, had come the night when they'd been out at a movie. Just like usual they had walked to the cinema and were walking back to Jared's after it ended. About halfway there Jared had seen his friend, Richard. He'd introduced Jensen. Jared and Richard had chatted. They caught up because they hadn't seen each other in a while.
And then Jensen just started to walk away. No goodbye, no nothing. After a quick goodbye to Richard, Jared had run to catch up with Jensen.
It had been an argument. Jensen had just seemed angry about everything. He was pissed off they'd had to stop. Who the hell was Richard anyway? Why had Jared introduced Jensen? It had just gone on while Jared had tried to defend himself and, somehow, diffuse Jensen's anger.
The entire situation had been a little absurd. Finally, Jared had just stepped forward and slid his hand around Jensen's neck hoping to calm him down.
Jensen had shoved Jared back. His hand had connected so hard with Jared's shoulder that it ached as he stood there. He'd never forget the words that had come with the shove. Get the hell away from me.
Jared had just walked away that night. He'd wondered, for a few blocks, if he would hear Jensen coming after him but he didn't look until he reached the front of his apartment building. When Jared looked back up the street there was no sign of anyone.
Over the following few weeks there were a few messages from Jensen. One of them was a pretty heartfelt apology. Jensen's distant-sounding voice told Jared that there were so many things Jared didn't understand. Jensen's situation was complicated and if Jared would just give him a chance he would explain.
Jared was pretty sure that complicated was code for can't be out of the closet and be a lawyer. But it was too little too late. There was so much that Jared didn't know and, his friends suggested, he should get out while the getting was good.
As luck would have it, about three weeks after the shove Jared received a letter from the State university accepting him to their Arts program. Best of all he was given a full scholarship. There would be no more cheap rooming houses and second-hand clothes.
"And, that's when you moved here," Jeff said.
Jared nodded. "Four more years of study and some extra night classes and here I am." When he'd summed everything up it didn't seem like all that much time had passed since he'd left Jensen.
The were silent for a while and Jared watched as Jeff pushed a few grains of rice around his mostly empty plate. Eventually, Jared couldn't take the silence. "Jeff?"
"Did it occur to you that he could be married or something?" Jeff was looking down at his plate like he was afraid to meet Jared's gaze.
"I thought maybe ... oh. You mean to a woman." Jared groaned and closed his eyes for a few moments. "Yeah, I thought about it after.
Jeff sighed. "Look. I wasn't there but it sounds like it was kind of one-sided."
"No," Jared said quickly. "He. He felt something for me. You just know when it's there. Okay, so he had a problem with expressing it-"
"-a problem? Jesus, Jared. Did he ever throw his arm around you while you were out? Did he introduce you to his friends? His co-workers? I mean, I don't see how you figure that is him having feelings for you."
It didn't matter what Jeff said, Jared knew that there had been something between them. The way Jensen looked at Jared sometimes said it all.There was an intensity in his gaze; it could be a little overwhelming.
"Whatcha thinkin'?" Jeff leaned forward and propped his chin on his hand.
Jared smile. "Just thinking about how I knew that Jensen loved me. He never said the words, he never wrote it down. You're right, Jeff. But there were things that you didn't see; you weren't even there."
Jeff nodded and slumped back on his chair. "Fair enough. So what now?"
The embarrassment of the entire situation came crashing down on Jared. Jensen had known that it was going to be Jared he was facing when he knocked on the door. If Jared was a paranoid person he would have to wonder if Jensen got some kind of pleasure out of Jared's shock.
"What now?" Jared echoed as he tried to sort through his maddening thoughts. "I guess either I move or I figure out how to deal with this, right?"
"Right," Jeff answered. "And much as I'd like to move, I can't stay here every night."
Jared fidgeted a little as anxiety sparked up at the idea of being alone in his condo with Jensen just a few floors away.
"He won't hurt you?"
"What? No! No. I don't think. I mean, that whole thing with the fight and the shoving, I think that was just a breaking point."
"So, maybe it would have gotten worse?" Jeff frowned and there was concern written all over his face.
But Jared thought quite the opposite. He cleared his throat and clasped his hands together tightly. "What if he needed me? What if that was the moment?"
"Jared, you can't look at things like that. You gave a lot of yourself and got nothing in return." Jeff shook his head and sighed again.
"He apologized back then," Jared said softly.
"One apology?" Jeff asked. He looked a little like he was finding the entire situation unbelievable.
"Jeff, all I'm saying is that ... that I don't know what would have happened if I had stayed but I made the right decision when I left."
Looking more than a little relieved Jeff smiled. "I'm glad you said that."
"You gonna kick my ass?" Jared teased to break the tension.
Jeff chuckled and picked up his beer. "As your best friend I reserve the right to kick your ass whenever you need it."
There was a smile on Jared's face when he picked up his beer and stood slowly. "Couch."
"Thank God," Jeff muttered. "I'm old. I need to be comfortable."
Jared couldn't help laughing at that. Jeff might have been forty-eight but he didn't look or act his age. When Jared had just met his friend at the hospital he'd developed a bit of a crush. At the time, Jeff was in a relationship and Jared had realized how many years were between them. "You're the hottest single guy I know, Jeff."
And the laughter continued. For Jared it was sweet relief from the Jensen problem. Even if he cancelled his bookshelves, odds were in favor of them running into each other again.
Jeff kicked his feet up and set them on the coffee table.
-=-=-=-
Jeff hadn't come up with any good ways for Jared to avoid Jensen. Jared couldn't see himself moving out just because his ex happened to live in the same building.
It was, after all, a brand new home and it was perfect for Jared. It was the place he'd always wanted.
After a few days of muttering to himself and repeatedly texting Jeff to vent, Jared decided that he was staying not matter what. He also decided that he was going to get his damned bookshelves.
Jeff hadn't thought the second idea was a particularly good one. He suggested that Jared have an independent contractor; he could afford it. Whey put himself through any unnecessary encounters with Jensen.
But.
There had always been a but when it came to Jensen and Jared was pretty sure that Jeff's advice was right.
But.
Jensen. He had been a mysterious lawyer that Jared had been in love with. The new Jensen was a super in a converted warehouse doing things in peoples' honey-do lists. Jared would be a liar if he denied the fact that he was curious about how things had changed so drastically for Jensen.
Things had obviously changed in Jensen's life. Maybe things had taken a turn for the worse after Jared had moved on. More than likely, the changes had nothing to do with Jared.
There had been a lot of back and forth about it between Jared and Jeff. Then Jared had told Jeff that it was his decision. He'd decided that he wasn't going to let Jensen intimidate him or chase him away. Jared was going to get Jensen to do his bookshelves. It might not be the smartest decision that he'd ever made but it felt right.
There remained one problem and that was that Jared wasn't comfortable with Jensen being alone in his home. He didn't want to ask for time off work so soon. His boss, Chad, was a great man, but probably not ready for his new star employee to take time off.
Jared opted for asking Chad if it was okay to work from home for a while. Chad had no problem with it.
Jeff thought that the only thing worse than having Jensen do the work was Jared staying home to watch Jensen do the work.
Jeff may have been right because when the day finally rolled around for Jensen to start working on the bookshelves Jared was a nervous wreck.
f]Fortunately, Jeff had decided to come over with a pizza for lunch because he had a late-starting shift.
"You're mental, you know that?" Jeff took a rather predatory look at the pizza on his plate and then bit into it.
"I might be," Jared answered quickly. It had occurred to him that letting Jensen back into his life under any circumstances was insane.
"Four years," Jeff mumbled with a mouth full of pizza.
The sound made Jared frown.
After Jeff swallowed he smirked then picked up his pizza and gestured towards Jared with it. "It took four years for you to get over this guy, right?"
Jared nodded. "About that, yeah."
"And now you want to just rip the scab off and have this guy in your face for a week?"
"What I want," Jared said slowly. "Is for him not to be alone in my home to do whatever he wants."
"What you think he's gonna do? Go through your underwear drawer?"
"Very funny. Don't give me anything else to worry about," Jared said glumly.
It wasn't that he thought Jensen was some kind of psycho or serial killer. He just didn't think that Jensen deserved know anything about his new life. It just didn't seem fair after everything he'd been through.
"Well," Jeff said between mouthfulls of pizza. "I guess well see what happens."
"You make it sound like-"
There was a banging on Jared's door and Jeff jumped and knocked the table with his knee.
"Fuck," Jeff muttered as he rubbed his leg.
"It's the door," Jared said.
Jeff froze for a second or two then nodded. "Yes. It's the door."
"What do I do?" Jared was fighting the urge to run even though there really wasn't anywhere to go.
"Jared?"
"Yeah?"
"You have to answer the door."
"Right." It was just Jensen. There was nothing particularly out of the ordinary about getting bookshelves built. "Right?"
The chair scraped on the floor and Jared smoothed his t-shirt down as he stood. The door looked about a mile away as Jared began walking towards it.
By the time his hand grasped the door handle Jared could feel sweat beading on his forehead.
He yanked the door open and, yes, Jensen was standing there. He was wearing worn blue jeans, there was even a tear on his knee. His shirt was blue, a pale blue that made Jensen's stubble look a little red.
When Jared pulled the door open Jensen was fussing with something on his tool belt. when he looked up he was holding a measuring tape. "I need to measure the ... wall. I need to pick up lumber."
"Right," Jared said. He hoped that he'd managed to keep the emotion that was trying to drown him away from his voice. Tearing his eyes away from Jensen's was hard but Jared managed it. He swung the door open and gestured for Jensen to come in.
Jensen took a few steps into the condo then looked back at Jared. "Where you want the shelves?"
Right. Jensen was going to need a little direction. "Over here."
Jared walked over to the area across from the kitchen where he wanted the shelves.
Jensen followed along slowly. As he passed the table he stared at Jeff. "You live here or something?"
"Really not so much your business," Jeff said gruffly.
"Jensen." The last thing that Jared needed was even more tension and he knew that Jeff didn't want Jensen there.
But. He was there.
Once Jensen was at his side Jared began to explain how he wanted the shelves to run along the wall. Jensen asked a couple of questions then he began taking measurements and writing them in his notebook.
After standing there feeling useless for a while Jared paced back over to the table and sat down.
When he looked over at Jeff, Jared shrugged. Jeff picked up another piece of pizza and slipped it onto his plate.
It was bizarre. Jared could hear Jensen moving around; he could see Jeff eating pizza and checking his phone. It was so ordinary it made Jared want to yell or throw something.
"My shift starts at three," Jeff said.
Jared nodded. "You gotta leave."
It was Jeff's turn to nod. He took another bite of pizza then chewed as he watched Jensen. When he swallowed he looked back at Jared. "You need me to be late to work?"
It was tempting but Jared felt like he really needed to learn how to deal with the way he felt around Jensen. The guy was going to be around all week and Jeff couldn't be there every day.
"It's all good, Jeff." Jared stood again and rubbed at his temples. He had a headache, which really wasn't surprising considering that every muscle in his body was so tense they all felt like they could snap.
"You sure?" There was a lot of concern on Jeff's face.
"I'm alright," Jared said quietly. "He won't be here long and then I can get some work done."
For a few moments Jeff was quiet then he nodded and stood. "Text me."
Jared couldn't help smiling at his friend. "Will do."
After a last, lingering look at Jensen, Jeff headed for the door. "Bye," he called out.
The door opened then closed and Jared was alone with Jensen. He kept his eyes on the door and clasped his hands together tightly. He could get through the first visit and then everything would be fine.
"Your bodyguard gone for the day?"
Jared jumped again; he was getting pretty tired of it. He needed a good massage or a stiff drink. Or both. "Jeff's not my bodyguard."
Jensen let the tape roll back into its case and moved to measure another part of the wall. "You guys a couple?"
"Jensen, I don't want to do this," Jared said quietly.
"Do what?" If Jensen was concerned he didn't show it. He kept his eyes on his work.
"I don't want to be friends. I just want the bookshelves done."
"You didn't need to be here for me to build shelves," Jensen said without looking at Jared.
It was true. Jared didn't need to be there but he wanted to be there. If he'd gone to the office he would have driven himself crazy wondering what Jensen was doing.
"I don't like strangers in my home when I'm not here," Jared said.
"Strangers?" Finally, Jensen turned around. The measuring tape slid back into its case with a loud snap.
"Yeah," Jared said weakly. It was a guess that saying he didn't want strangers in his home was better than saying that he didn't trust Jensen at all. It may have been a miscalculation.
"I'm a lot of things, Jared but I'm not a stranger." Jensen marked something down in his notebook and then put it into the back pocket of his jeans.
Jared was beginning to realize what a monumentally bad idea it had been to have Jensen build the shelves. He was going to hate telling Jeff about it. Jeff would never let him hear the end of it.
"Jensen? I know as much about you now as I ever did. Wait - I know more now because I know where you work. You're a handyman. You never told me a thing when we were ... before." There was no way Jared could manage to get out the word together or dating. Now that he was looking back over it all Jared wasn't even sure it could be called a relationship when he didn't know a single thing about Jensen's life.
"Are you and your boyfriend hard of hearing? I'm a carpenter," Jensen said sharply.
"Apparently you are because I said Jeff wasn't my boyfriend," Jared answered quickly.
"No, you didn't."
"What?"
"I asked if you were a couple and you avoided answering." There was a hint of a smile on Jensen's lips.
Anger was starting to gnaw at Jared. "I was never the one who had trouble talking about himself though, was I."
Surprisingly, Jensen was silent for a while. He looked down at the floor, hooked the measuring tape back onto his belt then looked back up at Jared. "No, Jared. You weren't the one who couldn't talk about himself."
Jared frowned as he stared over at Jensen. He could tell Jensen was sad - disappointed maybe - but he wasn't sure if it was because of his admission or because he didn't want to be there in a confrontation with Jared.
It was Jensen who finally averted his gaze. He straightened his tool belt and folded his arms across his chest tightly.
All of the anger that had been simmering away inside Jared dissipated and he was left feeling as though Jensen was more wounded than anything else.
"You done for today, Jensen?"
Without looking up, Jensen nodded slowly.
"Will you be back tomorrow?" Jared had hoped that the whole project would be over in a few days.
"I'll get the lumber I need this afternoon. Can they deliver it around four?"
Jared nodded until he realized that Jensen still wasn't looking at him. "Yeah, that will work fine. I'm working at home this week."
"Okay." Jensen's arms unfolded and he walked towards the door. As soon as his hand touched the door handle he stopped and looked back at Jared. "For what it's worth? I missed you."
The words had only just begun to sink into Jared's brain when the door clicked shut and Jensen was gone.
"Well, shit."
-=-=-=-
Jeff slammed the door as he bustled inside with a bag of groceries and his work bag. "Do you ever shop for yourself or do you just keep a list of friends to call for delivery?"
"No list," Jared called out from his desk. "Just you. What do I need other people for? You take care of pretty much everything."
"True." The bag fell over when Jeff set it on the counter and an apple rolled out.
One of the great things about Jeff being a nurse was that he worried about Jared's health. Left to his own devices Jared would order in two or three nights a week and forage for leftovers the rest of the time.
Working all afternoon had taken its toll on Jared. His alternative had been to go over and over the brief conversation he'd had with Jensen.
There was a pounding in Jared's head that was unrelenting. "I may have overdone it this afternoon. I'm not sure that I've blinked since about eleven this morning." Jared rubbed at his eyes with balled up fists.
"You been working since the handyman left?" Jeff opened the cupboard and began hunting for something.
Nodding just made Jared's head throb even more. "Just wanted to not think after he left. Focussed on work. What are you looking for?"
"Coffee."
"Freezer."
"Filter?"
"Permanent. Already in the machine," Jared answered.
"So, while I make coffee come over here and tell me what happened with him today.” Jeff set up the coffee machine then sat on one of the stools at the kitchen island.
Jared groaned and pushed his chair back from the desk. The wheels rolled smoothly over the concrete and stopped about halfway to the island. When Jared stood he felt a little light-headed. "He said he missed me."
"He what?" Jeff's face looked like he was on the verge of laughing.
Jared sat down opposite Jeff and shrugged. He had to admit that it was the last thing he would have expected to hear from Jensen. "It was weird. He wasn't even here very long. Measured everything. Asked if you were my boyfriend then when he was leaving he said he missed me. More precisely, he said for what it's worth, I missed you."
"What does that mean?" Jeff slid off the stool and made up a couple of mugs full of coffee.
The coffee cup was hot but Jared kept his hands wrapped around it tightly. "It doesn't mean anything, right?"
"You tell me," Jeff answered.
It shouldn't mean anything. For the most part, it didn't mean anything. Jared was almost completely, mostly sure it didn't mean anything.
Jeff leaned forward until he caught Jared's eye. "I don't like that look on your face."
"What?" Jared rubbed at his face as though he could wipe away whatever it was that Jeff was seeing.
"Just ..." Jeff sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just be careful, Jared."
Be careful. It was really solid advice but Jared wasn't sure it was necessary. But then, there were a lot of things popping up that Jared wasn't sure about. Funny how all that uncertainty had arrived about the same time as Jensen.
-=-=-=-
Jensen arrived early in the morning to start work on the shelves. He arrived so early, in fact, that Jared was still in bed.
The banging on the door matched the pounding in Jared's head that had been with him since the day before.
It was all a little overwhelming. Jared grabbed his jeans off the bottom of the bed and struggled into them as he made his way towards the door. "Yeah!"
He stumbled to a stop at the door and yanked it open. "Jesus, it's early."
Jensen was standing there blinking and, as Jared watched, Jensen's gaze moved down Jared's body.
There were better times to have answered the door without a shirt on. "I was sleeping."
"I see that," Jensen said. His tongue slid across his bottom lip and he smiled crookedly.
"Well, it's early."
"You said that already."
"Come in, I guess." Jared stepped back from the door and folded his arms across his chest. He looked around quickly and picked up a plaid shirt off the back of the couch. He managed to get his arms in the shirt and was trying to button it up as he walked over to where Jensen was staring at the pile of lumber.
"Looks like we got everything," Jensen said. He had picked up the delivery slip that Jared had signed the day before.
"So - you're good to go?"
"Yeah." Jensen pulled out his notebook and jotted something down. "I had all the wood cut at the shop so there wouldn't be sawdust all over the place."
"Thanks." Jared shoved his hands into his pockets and peered over Jensen's shoulder at the notebook.
Very slowly, Jensen turned his head to look at Jared. "You need something?"
"No," Jared said softly. "No. I. I'm going to make some coffee; you want some?"
Even though Jensen looked a little suspicious he nodded before turning back to his notebook.
At least, Jared thought, he was awake. He padded over to the island and set about making coffee. While he was moving around he had to fight the urge to talk. It was what he did when there was someone around. But there was still a big part of him that didn't want a closer connection to Jensen. Not now; it was too late.
Because he wasn't awake enough to do much else, Jared stared at the coffee pot ats the water dripped into it. He wasn't entirely sure what to do while Jensen was in the condo. Sure, he could work but he was pretty sure he'd be distracted by whatever Jensen was doing. There was no way he was going to have a shower considering it was enclosed by glass walls.
Judging by the sounds coming from the other side of the condo, Jensen was making progress. Jared didn't know a damn thing about carpentry and that just made him even more curious as to how Jensen had changed careers.
"Oh! I almost forgot," Jensen said suddenly.
"What?" Jensen's voice caught Jared completely off guard and he knocked his head on the open cupboard door when he straightened up.
For a few seconds Jared's head throbbed. He turned around slowly and rubbed at his forehead.
"You okay? I heard that over here." Jensen put his notebook down and took a few steps closer. "You're - there's. It's bleeding."
"Shit." There was something warm trickling down Jared's cheek. Definitely the last thing he needed.
Jared poked at his forehead hesitantly. It didn't feel too bad but it was bleeding.
"You got a first aid box?" Jensen asked.
The morning certainly wasn't working out the way Jared had imagined. "Don't know where it is."
"Okay. I've got something, I think," Jensen said. He headed back over to the toolbox he'd brought in with him.
By the time Jensen was back Jared was sitting on one of the stools.
Before getting too close Jensen held up the bandage and raised his eyebrows. It looked like he was worried that Jared might punch him or something.
The warmth of blood from the wound was a good indication that it needed a little attention. Jared nodded and smiled slightly.
"You should watch those cupboard doors," Jensen said in a gruff voice.
"Really? I hadn't noticed." Jared couldn't' help being a little aggravated. It was too early to be awake; Jensen was there and there was a good egg on his forehead.
When something pressed to the cut on Jared's forehead he sucked in a quick breath.
"Sorry," Jensen said softly. He smoothed Jared's hair back off his forehead and dabbed at the cut a few more times.
Warmth slipped into Jared's bloodstream and he closed his eyes. The gentle touch was a little too familiar and Jared realized that he was getting in over his head quickly.
"I can take it from here," Jared said. His fingers grazed Jensen's as he took the gauze. "Doesn't need a bandage I don't think. Feels better already."
There was disbelief written all over Jensen's face but he shrugged then headed back over to the lumber.
"Not sure if you wanna know the details but I'm gonna build this in sections and stain it. I brought color swatches if you wanna choose." A piece of lumber thunked onto the concrete and jensen crouched down beside it.
"Okay," Jared said. He hadn't even thought any more about the details of the bookshelves since he'd realized they came with a Jensen.
When Jared pressed his fingers to the bump on his forehead they came away clean so he figured he was in no danger of bleeding to death.
He headed over to where Jensen was working and waited until Jensen held out the color swatches.
There were far more shades of stain than Jared would have previously thought possible. After flipping through them all twice Jared cleared his throat.
Jensen looked up. "There a problem?"
"No, I just." Jared scratched at the end of his nose then smiled half-heartedly. "Never picked out stain for anything before."
"Just choose your favorite color." Jensen shrugged and looked back down at the wood he was sliding into place.
The stain shades didn't look much different to Jared the third time through. Rather than asking for help he went over to the table and sat down with them.
He fanned the color swatches out in front of him and stared at them for a long time. It didn't matter how many times he moved them around, he couldn't figure out which one to choose. He figured that his inability to make decisions could be because he hadn't had his morning coffee.
Coffee. He'd offered Jensen coffee.
Jared stood so quickly he nearly knocked his chair over. he spun on his heels and ran straight into Jensen who was standing right behind him.
The instant their bodies collided Jensen's hands grasped Jared's hips and held him in place.
"You alright?" Jensen asked. His voice was deeper and his fingers dug into Jared's hips a little deeper.
There were goosebumps shivering down Jared's neck from the brush of Jensen's breath against his skin. For a few seconds Jared's gaze was caught by Jensen's and it took his breath away. Jared had to look down and his eyes found Jensen's lips.
As it turned out, that wasn't a wise choice. Jared could still remember how those lips felt against his. Hell, Jared could remember a lot more than he wanted to.
"I was." The Sahara had set up residence in Jared's throat and he tried to swallow. "I was gonna make coffee and I forgot to get you one."
"Yeah."
The only thing that Jared had to do to break the contact with Jensen was take a step back. That was all he had to do.
However, all Jared could focus on was the way that Jensen's hands fit so perfectly over his hips. His gaze had been so intense.
Jared's heart picked up speed and he pressed a hand to Jensen's chest to push back slightly.
Even having a little air between them cleared Jared's head. "Coffee. You just pick a stain for me. Whatever you think will go."
One step sideways and Jared was able to slip away and head towards the kitchen.
He tried to just think about the task in front of him. Mug. Coffee. Sugar. God, he still knew how Jensen took his coffee. And that was how it would happen; the way Jensen kept slipping back into Jared's thoughts.
Jeff had been absolutely right about everything. Having Jensen in the condo every morning was going to be horrible.
It wasn't like Jared could just forget about how he'd felt when he was with Jensen. It had happened and it was still feeling not so much in the past.
The sounds of Jensen working filtered through the cacophony of Jared's thoughts. He couldn't help feeling relieved. Staying far away from Jensen was going to be Jared's plan for the rest of the day.
As soon as the coffee was finished Jared was going to stick to his desk like glue.
-=-=-=-
For the most part, Jared's plan worked. He settled at his desk early in the morning and after about an hour he actually got caught up in the account he was working on.
Work was like that for Jared. There was so much art in the design work that Jared got lost in the creation. Most of the time it wasn't like working at all and, for that, Jared was thankful.
Working got Jensen out of Jared's mind.
By the time three o'clock rolled around Jared was still hunched over his computer. He didn't hear Jensen saying his name until he was standing by Jared's desk.
"Jared?"
"What? Sorry. I was. What's up?" Jared rubbed at his eyes then looked over at Jensen.
"I picked up the stain. Bottom units have one coat. The fumes are gettin' to me though. Any of these windows open?" Jensen's face was flushed and sweat was beading on his forehead.
"God, yeah." Jared hopped up out of his chair and headed over to the nearest set of windows. "They open like this."
Jared pulled on the chains beside the metal window frame and showed Jensen how to crank on the lever to open the windows.Between the two of them they had all the windows open in no time.
The fresh air felt good. Jared hadn't even realized that Jensen had been using the stain until he'd mentioned it. The smell of it was pretty pungent.
"You alright?" Jared asked.
Jensen pulled his t-shirt up and wiped his face. "Yeah just breathed in a little too much."
What Jensen was saying did manage to get into Jared's mind in spite of the fact that he was completely distracted by Jensen's abs. "You've been working out."
Looking a little surprised Jensen smoothed his t-shirt back down then hooked a thumb over his belt. "Yeah. I go to the gym a few times a week."
Jared nodded. He had no idea why he suddenly had no filter between his brain and his mouth but it felt a little dangerous.
"Jensen?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are you a handyman now?"
"Carpenter."
"Sorry." Jared wasn't sure what difference it made in the end but he was willing to be flexible. "Carpenter."
"I wanted a change." Jensen ran his hand over his hair a few times then backed up a few steps towards the kitchen. "You mind if I help myself to another coffee?"
There was the Jensen that Jared remembered. As soon as a question was on the table the man withdrew. "Yeah, whatever."
About halfway across the condo Jensen stopped. He squared his shoulders and then turned around slowly. "Jared, is something wrong?"
"Nothing," Jared said glumly. "Nothing's changed. I should have expected that though."
"Expected? I'm the super remember?" Jensen turned away and headed over to the coffee pot. He poured himself a cup and swore softly when he spilled some on the counter.
"I'll clean it up; just finish up." As soon as the last word was out of Jared's mouth he realized it was a bad choice.
"Finish up?" The mug Jensen was holding clunked onto the counter and coffee splattered up Jensen's arm. "Don't order me around like some flunky."
Jared took a few steps closer and held his hands up in surrender. "Poor choice of words. I'm sorry."
For a little while it looked like Jensen was going to protest then he spun and headed back to the bookshelves.
There was a pounding in Jared's head again and he was starting to think he was having some kind of overboard reaction to having Jensen back in his life. "Jensen? Can we talk?"
"No." Jensen began to put his tools away and slipped his notebook into his back pocket.
"Okay," Jared snapped. "I just wanted to clear the air. Y'know?"
"I'll just do my job and get out of here." Jensen straightened up and rolled his shoulders before turning to face Jared.
"Fine," Jared answered because, really? There wasn't much point in saying much else.
For a handful of heartbeats the two men stared at each other and, for the first time, it was Jensen who looked away.
Much as Jared wanted to think that they could at least be civil to one another he didn't think it was going to happen.
"Why didn't you answer my calls?"
"What?" Frowning Jared leaned on the island.
"After you left," Jensen said. "Why didn't you return my calls or answer my texts."
It really felt to Jared like everything was a bit ass backwards. It should be Jared who was demanding information. "I left because I needed to."
"That's not an answer," Jensen shouted.
"Coming from you that's priceless." Jared leaned against the island and closed his eyes. He was not going to go through everything all over again.
The door to the condo flew open and Jeff appeared with some flowers and a bottle of wine.
"Don't talk to me like that," Jensen spat.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jeff said as he stopped at Jared's side. He unloaded his arms and curled a hand around the back of Jared's neck. "You alright?"
"Oh good, your bodyguard is back." Jensen shook his head and headed towards the door.
Jeff blinked a few times then leaned forward to look at Jared's face. "You alright? Did I miss something?"
The door slammed and Jared's shoulders slumped. He wasn't sure why he was so bothered by what had happened. Jensen was Jared's past. There was no reason to think that anything had changed.
"Jare?" Jeff slid his arm over Jared's shoulders.
"This should be easier," Jared almost whispered.
"What should?" Jeff pulled Jared closer and kissed the peak of his cheek.
"Being around him. It shouldn't mean anything that he's back. It shouldn’t make any difference to me at all."
"But it does," Jeff said softly.
All Jared could muster was a weak nod. His heart was heavy and his throat felt tight.
-=-=-=-