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Most people don’t know this about Clyde, but he could probably outdance the entire high school cheer team. Or at least, that’s what he likes to tell himself as he’s dancing around his room on a Saturday afternoon, sunlight illuminating his room from beyond his window.
“Have you ever thought just maybeeee,” Clyde sang to himself, trying to distract himself from how messy he’d let his room get in the past month while Taylor Swift serenaded him through his worn down Bose speaker that had to be balanced just so on a flat surface, with absolutely nothing else close enough to bump it. The dials had to be turned just right, and the buttons would sometimes get stuck, so he always had to have a small safety pin standing by in case of emergency-
“Ow!” Clyde cried, a rush of pain shooting up his shin for the third time that afternoon and breaking him from his thoughts. He glared around until he realized he was staring at his metal bed frame as the culprit…again. Seriously? How fucking hard was it to dance without bumping his bed? He scolded himself until the pain subsided, and then gradually went back to dancing, bopping and jumping around with the carefree feeling that only comes with the security that looking like a total fool doesn’t matter when no one is watching.
And that was how Clyde spent most of his Saturday afternoons, waiting for the nighttime to come, when he’d inevitably find himself hitting on some girl who wouldn’t really understand him and his needs. But what’s there to get when sex is just sex? He’d hit her up for a week until they both got bored, and then he’d go back to dancing by himself.
Rinse and repeat.
Realizing he’d been staring into space…again, Clyde resumed cleaning, vowing mentally that no matter how the night went, he would not let himself wind up in Bebe’s bed again. That girl was crazy.
After two years of dating, she had the nerve to tell him the reason they were breaking up was because he never paid enough attention to her. But what the fuck was that supposed to mean? How could she not see how alone Clyde always felt? She’d been all he fucking had , so how was it even possible for him to neglect her?
Whatever, it didn’t matter if girls made sense, as long as Clyde could have someone around to keep him from feeling too low. Because what was the point of life if it meant always being alone?
The Taylor Swift song ended, and Clyde smiled, satisfied with the current state of his room. However, he had a bone to pick with “Carissa’s Health Blog” for telling him completing chores and tasks would boost his mood. He’d done nothing but think about his stress, even as he was cleaning! And if that was all that was going to happen, he might as well have stayed in bed!
“Fuck Carissa,” Clyde grumbled, picking up his phone and tapping the screen to call Craig. Surely Craig would boost his mood, it wasn’t like Clyde had ever had a bad day with him around!
“Hey Clyde, what’s up?” Craig asked, the all too familiar sound of coffee machines hissing in the background.
“Oh shit,” Clyde said in acknowledgment, “are you busy right now?”
“If I was…I wouldn’t have answered,” Craig replied, monotone, as always, yet still reassuring.
“Oh yeah,” Clyde said, mentally scolding himself.
There was a pause. “So…what’s up?” Craig repeated.
“Oh!” Clyde exclaimed, shaken from his mental struggle. “Right, uh, did you want to hang out?”
Craig went silent for a moment, then sighed. “Clyde, I’m working.”
“You just said you weren’t busy!” Clyde protested, instantly hating the desperation in his voice.
“I never said I wasn’t working,” Craig corrected, and Clyde fell over onto his made bed, dejected.
“Right, sorry,” the brunette muttered, hanging up before he could say anything he’d regret. With a sigh he screamed into his pillow before muttering, “Fuck me.”
Deciding a nap was the fastest way to get rid of his embarrassment, Clyde slept until sometime after seven and began to get ready for the walk to Cartman’s. The brunette was known for good alcohol, even if he tended to kick people out by one in the morning. It used to be so he could ruin Butters’ chances of a hookup, until the blonde ruined Cartman’s year by admitting he’d been hoping for the last six months that the fatass would do more than kick him out into the night and just invite him to stay over already. Now the brunette kicked out everyone but Butters out of tradition, and no one knew which scenario sounded worse.
Not that it really mattered. No matter where Clyde turned there seemed to be couples matching off. And as much as Clyde didn’t want to admit it, he knew he’d been third wheeling Craig and Tweek for a while. And it wasn’t like he meant to, after all, Craig was his best friend, but it was hard to come to grips with Craig being more than just his best friend now that he was with Tweek, now that he was also someone’s boyfriend. It made their friendship seem diminished, in a way, even if that wasn’t the reality.
Clyde didn’t really know how to feel about it all if he was being honest, cause it just didn’t seem like there’d ever be anyone for just him. And that hurt.
Grabbing his hoodie, Clyde headed out the front door and started walking. It wasn’t going to be a very long walk, but in the dark it felt lonely and kind of boring. It would’ve been cooler if Clyde had someone to walk with. It wasn’t like he was some kind of rigid asshole, he didn’t mind chatting or walking in silence. Really anything would do to not be alone.
The park came up pretty quick on the left, and Clyde figured that maybe cutting through would make the trip to Cartman’s faster. It’d at least be better than watching all the cars go by, wondering as he stared at them why life was moving on and on and always leaving him behind. His mind made up, Clyde turned and strode across the grass, only to quickly be surprised by the blonde figure of Kenny McCormick pacing back and forth on the path nearby.
“ You’ve just gotta get out there Kenny, surely there’s someone waiting for you ,” the blonde spoke aloud to himself, clearly mocking someone else by the sickly sweetness in his tone. But Clyde wasn’t exactly sure who. “What a load of bullshit,” Kenny grumbled, back to his own, much more melancholy tone. Clyde couldn’t really tell what was upsetting him, but he seemed so sad. And for some reason there was a tug on his heart to see him hurting.
Without another thought, or hesitation, Clyde plastered a smile on his face, sensing that maybe this was an opportunity. “Hey Kenny!” Clyde cried, rushing over to the blonde, who looked up just in time to see that Clyde had begun running so quickly he was ahead of his own feet. Without much fanfare, the brunette tripped on nothing and fell down onto the grass.
“Oh my god! Clyde?!” Kenny exclaimed, hurrying to the brunette and offering a hand to help him up. Not wanting to appear as embarrassed as he felt, Clyde accepted, and with Kenny’s help jumped right back onto his feet, sporting a fake smile the whole way.
“Thanks Kenny, but you know your boy’s got this!” Clyde cried, waving a hand like his fall was no big deal. “I bounce back like that ,” he said, trying to sound confident.
The blonde stared at him. “Dude, are you okay?” Kenny asked, ignoring Clyde’s bravado. “That fall looked rough.”
Did Kenny just ask if he was okay? Like-like he cared or something? No way, better to just play it off. “Of course I am!” Clyde replied exuberantly. “I just said I’m the bounce back king! People wish they could bounce back like me,” the brunette rambled, suddenly unable to stop himself from speaking when Kenny’s face was this close and making his stomach fill with butterflies.
Blue eyes peered at him from beneath a fur-lined hood. Amusement, evident in the lift of Kenny’s eyebrows, and the small relieved smile on his face. “If you say so,” Kenny finally replied, pulling away slightly, though Clyde kind of wished he wouldn’t.
“Wait-” Clyde blurted before he could stop himself, eyes widening when he caught on to his own tells, his own typical behaviors. Shit, was it…possible he was feeling something for Kenny? Something deeper than their typically almost non-existent friendship? No way, crushes and feelings don’t just happen, even Clyde knew that. He’d only known he loved Bebe when she fell and broke her ankle and asked him to help her around the building for a few weeks during freshman year of high school. They’d bonded every time she fell and cursed the crutches, joked when Clyde hadn’t been able to manage carrying his books and hers, and had to get a bigger backpack that made him look like a nerd. They’d created something real.
And then Bebe had gone and told him there was nothing left.
“Yeah?” Kenny asked, something shining in his warm eyes as he regarded the brunette.
“Uh, are you going…to Cartman’s?” Clyde asked, rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure if that’s what he’d really meant to say, but it was too late now. There was no going back.
“Cartman’s?” Kenny asked, surprise evident in his expression. “Of course, dude! Are you going too?”
“Yeah,” Clyde replied with a small smile. “I was thinking about it.”
“Well come on then,” Kenny said encouragingly, though there was sadness in his eyes. “It’s almost eleven, and you know Cartman’s kicking everyone out at one.”
“Right!” Clyde said, falling in beside Kenny as they silently walked through the grass back towards the main road. He wondered if maybe he’d…known there’d be a good reason to cut through the park, or something. After all, what were the odds he’d find Kenny walking around the park at the exact same time as him? He could never have predicted something like that, it was just too crazy!
“Do you think he’ll have more Fireball?” Clyde asked, breaking their silence and glancing hopefully at Kenny as they turned onto Cartman’s street. “I loooove Fireball, but he ran out last time!”
“I remember,” Kenny said, his tone still a bit sad. “But I think he yelled at his mom to go buy some earlier today.”
“Awesome!” Clyde replied excitedly. He started feeling stressed that there might not be any left if they took too much longer to get there, but then he glanced over at Kenny and saw the blonde wiping at his face.
“Dude…” Clyde said gently. “Are you okay?”
Without responding, Kenny shook his head.
“Oh,” Clyde continued. “Uh, okay, well maybe I can cheer you up!”
Eagerly, Clyde started trying to remember what Kenny liked. He knew that Kenny had always been poor, so there hadn’t been much the kid wouldn’t eat or do for money, but that didn’t mean Kenny liked all of those things.
“I don’t think so,” Kenny replied, breaking through his thoughts. “In fact, I’d rather it not be you at all.”
“What? Why?” Clyde asked.
“Because,” Kenny said with a sigh, “I’d really been hoping for the universe to send me someone to hang out with tonight, cause I don’t really get to hang with my buddies anymore now that they all have boyfriends and girlfriends…but you…weren’t exactly what I meant.”
What? Was he being serious? “Am…am I not enough for you?” Clyde asked, realizing he was shocked, but angry too. “Am I not enough for anyone?!”
“Huh?” Kenny asked, turning to the brunette with wide eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“No, no don’t worry about me,” Clyde bit, rolling his eyes. “It’s not like I have feelings or anything, Kenny. It’s not like I don’t need …someone too,” he managed to finish, before breaking into a brisker walk and leaving Kenny behind.
“Clyde!” Kenny called, but the brunette simply flipped him off and turned into Cartman’s driveway, wiping a tear from his eyes as he passed his classmates who had spilled out onto the porch.
“Clyde!” Cartman shouted as he walked in, the fat brunette standing in the living room with his arm around Butters. The blonde beside him looked a bit out of it and drunk, but he was clinging tight to his boyfriend for support. “Clyde, come here!”
“What?” Clyde asked through clenched teeth as Kenny walked into the house. “What do you want, Cartman?”
“Jeez Clyde, don’t get all on your period,” Cartman snapped back, as they approached one another. “Can you just do me a favor and tell Stan if you see him that Butters is never buying LSD from him again?”
What the fuck? “Yeah, sure,” Clyde said dismissively, before heading for the kitchen. “LSD,” he muttered as he approached the counter, “fucking lame.”
“I actually quite like LSD,” Kenny’s voice said softly from behind him.
Clyde groaned and turned around. “Well that would check out, you often do things no one else would do. Like be an asshole to someone who just wanted a friend.”
“I deserve that,” Kenny muttered, as Clyde turned back to making a drink.
“You think?” the brunette asked, as he finally spied the Fireball logo. Excited, he reached for it and grabbed at the bottle.
Kenny sighed. “I’m sorry!” he cried. “I just- I was just dumped, and so now I can’t go on double dates with the guys. And when I was sulking at work earlier, of all the things Tweek could fucking say, he tries to give me a pep talk! Like- like come on man, what would you and your boyfriend know about losing out in love?!”
“Heh, tell me about it,” Clyde agreed.
“And so,” Kenny continued, “I was at the park and I guess…I don’t know, I thought maybe I’d find someone at tonight’s party. But then you showed up and-”
“And I’m not a girl?” Clyde finished with an eye roll. “I get it, Kenny.”
Kenny nodded. “It’s…a pretty cruel joke sending a straight guy to me. I hope you can understand,” he apologized, as everything clicked into place for Clyde.
Oh! Now his words made more sense! Could it be that Kenny was disappointed because he thought he was straight?
“You know…” Clyde said, smiling like he was in on a joke, “it’s hot in here. Why don’t we get out of this kitchen and talk somewhere else?”
“Like…the two of us?” Kenny asked. “Alone?”
The blonde was clearly skeptical, but he just didn’t understand, not yet, anyway.
“Yep,” Clyde said. “Come on, trust me.”
“Alright,” Kenny replied, after pouring himself a drink. “You may not be a hookup, but at least we’ll have fun.”
“That’s the spirit!” the brunette replied, heading for the back of the kitchen.
“So, have I ever told you I like dancing?” Clyde asked, as they headed through the backdoor to the fenced-in yard.
“Dancing?” Kenny repeated. “Me too!”
“Yeah, yeah!” Clyde continued. “Especially to Taylor Swift.”
“Ha, really?” Kenny asked, hiding a small laugh behind his free hand.
“Mhmm,” Clyde confirmed. “I was dancing to her earlier, actually. Have you ever heard her song, You Belong With Me?”
“Of course!” Kenny replied with a smile. “I love that one!”
“Same, actually the whole album is great,” Clyde replied, as they sat down in the grass. The brunette sipped at his drink and tried not to smile at the puzzled look on Kenny’s face while they talked.
“So, do you know any of the stars?” Kenny asked much later, as the night wore on and they got progressively more drunk. They’d each returned twice to the kitchen for more drinks, but had come back to find the other waiting for them, genuinely enjoying each other’s company.
“Not really,” Clyde shrugged. “That was always more…Craig’s thing.”
At his words, the blonde peered at him more closely. “You don’t like talking about him?” Kenny guessed by the look in Clyde’s eyes.
“It’s not that,” Clyde replied, shrugging. “It’s more that…I don’t like to be alone.”
“Are you lonely?” Kenny asked, leaning back against the fence. The pair were sitting at the back of the yard, away from everyone else at the party.
Clyde shrugged again. “Kind of.” He turned and looked at Kenny. “Not right now though.”
Kenny smiled a warm smile. “Me neither.”
Overcome with sudden emotion, as only a drunk Clyde could be, Clyde leaned in towards Kenny and said, “I’m sorry, Kenny, you should know that I have a confession to make.”
Kenny’s eyes widened. “About what?” He asked, tilting his head.
Clyde took a deep breath and stared at the ground. “About being straight. It’s not true.”
Clyde glanced over at Kenny to see a nervous smile on the blonde’s face. “I’m sorry, did you just say you’re…not straight?” Kenny asked.
“Yeah,” Clyde confirmed. “I’m really sorry for lying-”
But the brunette didn’t get to finish his sentence. Because Kenny leaned in and wrapped his arms around Clyde in a hug so tight the brunette wasn’t sure if Kenny was relieved, or if he was giving Clyde one last hug before beating the life out of him for lying.
“Uh, Kenny? I can’t breathe,” Clyde managed, as he was finally released from the hug.
“Right, sorry,” Kenny laughed, as he let Clyde go, but no further than where he was able to keep his hands on Clyde’s shoulders. “So…you lied?”
“Yeah,” Clyde confirmed again. “But I didn’t mean to!”
Kenny laughed. “Clyde, we’ve been out here talking for hours, about…everything. Food, girls, video games, life…and I’ve never had a better time at one of these bullshit parties. Don’t apologize for anything.”
Was that it? Kenny was going to let him off the hook just like that? “But I lied !” Clyde emphasized, somehow wanting Kenny to see, to understand. “Aren’t you pissed at me, dude?!”
With Clyde’s outburst, the conversation went silent, the shaking fence behind them the only clear sound. Clyde could hear the pounding music, but it was muted, at a distance. Right now all he cared about was Kenny, no one else mattered.
Finally the blonde looked over at Clyde and said, “Fine, do you really want to know the only thing that’s left for me to say?”
There was a spark in his eyes, and it gave Clyde a rush. “Yes,” he said, “I do.”
But he hardly had finished speaking before Kenny leaned in and met his lips mid thought, cutting off anything Clyde possibly had left in his brain. As soon as he registered Kenny McCormick was kissing him, anything else that could possibly have been left to say, or think, or wonder, flew right out the window. There was no one in the world but the two of them, and for once, Clyde was so unbelievably, impossibly happy.
When Kenny pulled away, there was a smile on his face. “I guess the universe granted my wish after all.”
Clyde couldn’t agree more.