Work Text:
Maya Bishop was a workaholic. The mantra eyes forward had been drilled into her ever since she had been old enough to walk and was thus deeply ingrained in her very being. It was why she literally never took any personal or sick days and why she rarely allowed herself a break. But after everything that had happened in the past few months, from her rocky start as captain of 19 and her everlasting fight with Andy; all of which had led up to Rigo's death, Diane had gotten into her head about allowing herself to live, instead of waiting for death to set her free. And that same evening, after having shared a great meal and having had even better sex, she had found herself asking Carina to go away together.
And now, a week later, she was back at station 19 and trying, but failing to focus on getting some paperwork done. Somehow her mind always drifted back to Carina. Hot, beautiful, amazing Carina. The memories of lingering touches, passionate kisses and entangled limbs at all hours of the day were replaying in her mind over and over again. The hickeys on her collarbone, which were carefully hid under her SFD shirt, were the constant reminder of just how satisfying the vacation with Carina had been.
And every once in a while, she wasn't thinking about the admittedly amazing sex any longer, but rather about the deep honey brown of Carina's eyes, the way her lips curled into the most beautiful smile Maya had ever seen and how Carina's eyebrow crinkled when she was deep in thought. She thought about that indescribable moment, where, after they had both climaxed and collapsed back into the sheets, Maya was nestled in the Italian's arms and just felt so incredibly safe. She remembered how Carina had been able to ground her, when her anxiety had claimed a hold of her body and didn't make a big deal out of it afterwards, but instead allowed Maya to open up at her own pace. Somehow Carina just made it all feel so easy and over the week, they had effortlessly settled into... well, whatever they were.
The loud bang of a door being shut somewhere outside of her office pulled Maya out of her daze. She shook her head, as if trying to push all of those thoughts into the back of head, because she really needed to finish up on that damn paperwork. But after having read the same sentence five times and still not really being able to make any sense of it, she decided that it was time for a quick break. With some extra swing in her step and a soft tune coming from her lips, Maya made her way to the empty beanery to grab herself something to drink. Finally settling on some orange juice from the fridge – that in no way compared to the freshly pressed orange juice she had had on her vacation – she shut the refrigerator door again only to stare into a familiar face.
"Vic!" she exclaimed a little bit startled, as she clutched at her chest and nearly dropped the bottle of juice.
But the other woman didn't seem in the slightest bit apologetic, as she was leaning against the kitchen counter with her arms crossed in front of her chest and a mischievous grin plastered on her face. Maya just rolled eyes, already knowing that her friend was going to make some sort of snarky comment that was totally uncalled for, as she went to pry the bottle open over the sink.
"You seem awfully chirpy today," Vic said finally and it seemed to be more of an observation than a question. And honestly, the humming was only the tip of the iceberg. Maya hadn't had them work out even one tenth as hardly as the weeks before and even the sub from the C-shift, who had only met Maya once before had noticed the ghost of a smile that had been lighting up her face all day.
And even though Hughes didn't mean it as an accusation (and they both knew that), a flash of guilt still washed over Maya's features at the reminder of everything that had gone down at this station lately. A part of her still felt like she had let her team down for choosing to take a few personal days in the middle of this mess.
But before she even had the chance to come up with a reply, Vic asked: "You still giddy from that vacay with your hot Italian doctor, huh?"
"I am not chirpy or g iddy!" she replied stiffly, because those were not words she would normally associate herself with. She had learned at a young age that she didn't have time for feelings like that, because that was time wasted not practicing.
"Oh, come on Maya! You haven't taken one personal day since I have started working here and now you went away for an entire week, and with a woman no less! It's a big deal and you are allowed to be giddy!" Vic declared excitedly and Maya's lips involuntarily curled up, as she felt the heat creep up her cheeks, adorning them in a light shade of red. In a futile effort to not let her friend bask too much in just how right she was, Maya ducked her head, before taking a large gulp from the bottle of orange juice.
"What are we gushing about in here?" Travis asked, as he entered the space and made his way over to the kitchen sink, where his two friends were huddled up.
"Just teasing our captain for being so in love with her girlfriend, it's cute really," Vic answered with an ease that nearly had Maya choke on her orange juice. Her friends quirked an eyebrow at her sudden gasp for air, but before either of them could say anything, the blonde had already recovered.
"Okay, first of all," The captain raised her hand, "Carina is not my girlfriend," She could say that one with firm conviction, because it was the truth. They had never officially started dating or anything. Maya gulped then. "And second of all, who said anything about love?"
Vic looked at her for a moment, before bursting into a fit of giggles. Maya just wrinkled her eyebrows, obviously not having expected this kind of reaction. Only at Travis' pointed stare, Hughes managed to calm herself down again.
"Oh, honey, you may not have put labels on it yet, but... we have all met her and you have met her friends, too. You just went on vacation together. And if the way you have been smiling at your phone recently or the fact that you didn't have us work out even nearly as hard as usual is any indication, you definitely have a major crush, Bishop."
The words washed over her and left her with a pounding heart. Technically, it shouldn't have come as a surprise. Sure, Maya Bishop, Olympian gold medalist and captain of one of the most popular firehouses in Seattle certainly wasn't one to fall in love easily... if ever. During high school, she had had a few crushes (on boys, as well as girls), but her father had consistently reminded her that feelings were just a distraction from reaching her goals, so ultimately, she had given up on it. After moving out, she had engaged in a few one night stands, some of which had turned into flings that lasted a few weeks tops. Her thing with Jack (of all people) was maybe the closest she had ever gotten to being in a relationship. Normally, she didn't do relationships and she certainly did not fall in love. But... maybe, just maybe Carina was different.
Swallowing the giant lump in her throat, Maya struggled to find her voice: “That's not- that doesn't mean anything.”
"Whatever you say, Bishop," Hughes replied, but the smirk on her face told Maya that Vic didn't believe her half-hearted attempt to deny the apparently obvious truth. "Honestly though, you should really enjoy the butterflies while they last."
"Vic, why? Why would you destroy their happy little bubble?" Travis winced and wielded his hands dramatically through the air.
"What? No, that's not what I am doing!" Vic argued, "I am merely trying to soften the blow."
Travis had already opened his mouth to say something, when Maya interrupted him: "I... I have to finish up on my paperwork. But since you have brought it up, please have the team gather for a second workout in a half an hour." Somehow, she managed to force a smile, which almost turned into a real one, when she watched Vic's face fall as the words seemed to sink in. Finally, she had gotten back some semblance of control over the situation. "Excuse me," she mumbled, as she brushed past the pair.
"Great job, Vic!" she heard Travis groan, just before the door closed behind her.
She momentarily leaned against it, as she felt the weight of Vic's words rush back with a force that nearly knocked all the air out of her lungs. And then, she knew what was coming, before it had even properly started. Because suddenly it felt like her entire body was on fire, almost as if a thousand spiders were crawling all the way down her spine; her body was tingling from a deeply-rooted anxiety that she just couldn't seem to shake.
Was she in love with Carina? What? When? Was she even allowed to be in love with her? How would she even know? What if Carina didn't feel the same? How? When? Why? What if? How? When? Why? What if?
Her mind was racing at seemingly a hundred miles an hour and she couldn't breathe any longer. Grabbing the hem of her shirt, she frantically tried to loosen the choke hold this situation had on her. Eyes forward and breathe, breathe, just breathe she tried to remind herself, as she stumbled down the stairs to get back to the privacy and safety of her office, nearly missing the last step.
“Maya? Bella?” she heard a familiar voice drown out her racing mind. And suddenly, there was a pair of warm hands on her arms, softly guiding her somewhere that she later realized was her office. “Breathe, Maya. Eyes on me. Eyes only on me.”
The blonde listened and moments later, she felt herself sink into those honey brown eyes of Carina and her breathing became less shallow and finally evened out. Her mind was no longer swirling, although she felt a little lightheaded from the aftermath of her panic attack. The Italian gracefully wiped away the tears that had rolled down Maya's cheek and pressed a gentle kiss on each cheek. Carina's every touch was fueled by adoration and so much kindness and left her skin prickling at the sensation.
And suddenly Maya felt a new wave of panic roll over her. Her eyes dropped to the floor. How did someone like her even deserve such softness, such grace coming from somebody else? Especially if that somebody else was Carina DeLuca? And as if the brunette had sensed Maya's sudden impulse to flee the situation, she cradled her arms around Maya's neck and played with the blonde's beautiful locks. Softly shaking her head, she tried to reassure Maya that there was no need to be ashamed or embarrassed. There was no need to run.
“Thank you,” the captain finally pressed out, her voice still a little shaky.
“Anytime.”
Maya finally let out a breath of relief, relishing in the safety Carina just seemed to radiate. She understood the unspoken offer to talk about what had triggered her panic attack in the first place and let her own lips meet the Italian's soft ones. She wasn't ready to talk about it just yet and Carina respected that, so she just held the blonde for a little while longer, before the pair settled at the captain's desk to eat the lunch Carina had brought in.
It was over the next few days that Maya really noticed those little changes in their dynamic and most importantly in her own behaviour and mind set. She didn't despise it, when she woke up next to Carina in the morning and she didn't even get tired of her presence, when dinner rolled around and the two of them had spent the entire day together. Her heart always skipped a beat, when she heard that cute little chuckle come out of Carina's mouth and she felt a surge of pride, whenever she was the reason behind it. For maybe the first time ever, she wasn't dreading the time in between shifts, because more often than not, that now meant time spent with the Italian. And last night, she had no longer envisioned dying to get herself to fall asleep, but instead had thought about her future... with Carina – and that was probably the most drastic change of them all.
When Maya awoke a few days later (unusually late for her taste) with her head nuzzled into the crook of Carina's neck, allowing her to take the Italian's scent with her every breath, her lips curled up at the realization.
“Morning,” the brunette croaked out, obviously still sleepy, but alert enough to have noticed Maya waking up beside her.
“Good morning,” Maya mumbled and draped her arm over the Italian and placed a few soft kisses on her bare neck. A smile formed on Carina's face at Maya's method of getting her to wake up completely and she decided to just enjoy the affection for a a little while, before rolling onto her side and scooching closer until their faces were only mere centimeters apart. Maya hummed softly at the switch of her position and let her thumb trace along Carina's impressive jawline, before locking eyes with the brunette again.
"Are we girlfriends?"
Her voice was barely a whisper, as the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could have held them back. And she wasn't even sure she wanted to hold them back any longer.
"What?" came Carina's surprised reply.
The blonde took a deep breath. "I mean... do you wanna be girlfriends? Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" Maya clarified and looked up for the first time since dropping her gaze; the hopefulness in her eyes was only barely covering up the anxiety that shimmered in them. A smile slowly spread on Carina's face and Maya's heartbeat spiked.
"Of course I do, bambina," she mumbled finally, and watched as Maya visibly relaxed. "But I thought you didn't need a girlfriend?" she added jokingly, as she tried to blink back the tears that were forming in the corner of her eyes.
"Well," Maya chuckled and started leaving a trail of kisses on Carina's collarbone and neck and up to her mouth, "I never needed a girlfriend.” she said in between kisses, “I don't need one now either. But... I want one.” Now they were face to face again. “I want you."
"You are going to make me cry, you know that?" Carina whispered against Maya's lips.
"Oh, I have a better idea," Maya replied conspiratorially and began nibbling at Carina's – her girlfriend's – ear. Carina broke out into a fit of giggles, because it was tickling her and in that moment Maya just knew that it couldn't possibly be a mistake to have this wonderful woman as her girlfriend.