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kunot na naman ang noo ni renjun sa inis as his specs slide down his nose for the thousandth time in the past hour. okay. that’s an exaggeration. siguro naman, mga fifteen times more or less lang, not like he’s actually counting, pero ang daming beses pa rin and renjun’s starting to find it annoying.
hindi niya inalis ang mga mata sa problem set na kanina niya pa pinaghihirapang sagutan (at kanina niya pa rin gustong sukuan) as he pushes his specs back in its place, busy ang kanang kamay sa pagsulat ng sandamakmak na numbers and letters (that doesn’t even make sense at this point) sa pangatlong sheet niya ng graphing paper.
he lets his mind drift away for a second as he thinks of his best friend, how he manages to solve the hardest math problems with ease—sometimes nga with a small smile on his pretty lips pa because he’s actually finds it fun. renjun also thinks of all the times jeno has saved him from failing his math classes noong high school pa lang sila.
he misses him. he misses him a lot.
but now is not the time to get distracted because he really needs to finish this problem set already. it’s almost one in the morning, and he’s tired and starving. yung pinrepare niya ngang cup noodles kanina, malamig na lang, hindi niya pa rin nakakain.
with a sigh, renjun reaches for his 6-year-old scientific calculator, tapping away on its buttons for a moment, bago ibinalik ang atensyon sa papel para isulat ang nakuha niyang sagot. when he shifts his attention back to the calculator, he notices the small rainbow sticker above the arrow buttons slightly peeling off.
renjun tries to flatten the sticker with his thumb, at buti naman ay dumikit ulit. renjun can easily replace it naman, pwedeng-pwede naman siyang bumili ng panibagong rainbow sticker, o kaya magprint na lang. but he doesn’t want to.
it’s a good luck sticker. well, according to jeno who put it there a long time ago. meron din si jeno sa sci cal niya, on the same spot, and it actually worked for him. renjun’s not sure if it has ever worked for himself, he never really noticed, but whether or not it actually brings him luck, he’s never peeling it off.
binitawan ni renjun ang hawak na ballpen bago lumayo nang kaunti from his desk, tumingila at tumitig sa kisame in attempt to stop the tears that are threatening to spill.
renjun didn’t cry when jeno told him he’s leaving the country to study abroad. renjun didn’t cry when he helped jeno pack his things, a week before his flight. renjun didn’t cry on the way to the aiport. renjun didn’t cry during their last hug. renjun didn’t cry on the way home.
but renjun cried the moment he got home. and he cried every night after that. he cried every night for weeks because he missed jeno so much kahit naman nakakausap niya ito palagi. iba pa rin when he’s actually around. iba pa rin kapag nakikita siya ni renjun in person araw-araw. eventually though, nasanay na lang din si renjun. araw-araw niya pa ring namimiss si jeno, pero nabawasan na ang pag-iyak.
there are still nights like this, though.
when renjun misses jeno extra, and the longing seems unbearable. when he needs to fight the urge to call him because he’s sure he would only end up crying even more.
and during times like this one, jeno seems to sense something is going on. because just like all the other times renjun has gone through this, jeno suddenly calls.
muntik nang mahulog si renjun sa upuan niya nang mag vibrate nang malakas ang phone niya. he opens the drawer of his desk and takes his phone, wiping away his tears with the sleeve of his sweater bago sinagot ang tawag.
“renjuuuuuuun!”
mas naunang umalingawngaw ang boses ng binata bago lumabas ang mukha nito sa screen. jeno’s outside and he appears to be walking, the hood of his favorite green hoodie over his head. he flashes renjun a big smile, and renjun forces out a small one.
“hey.” renjun says weakly, natatakot na kung lalakasan niya ang boses niya ay maiiyak na naman lang siya. “napatawag ka?”
“well,” jeno says. “i saw this and thought of you.”
jeno taps on his phone and then the camera switches to the rear one, and then renjun sees the sidewalk and the busy stores on the side, and then the blue skies, and then a double rainbow.
renjun smiles, this time a genuine one, as he stares at the double rainbow on the screen.
“that’s so pretty.”
“i know.” jeno says, and then it’s his face on renjun’s phone screen again. “kaya nga ikaw naalala ko.”
“bobola ka pa.”
“were you crying?”
the question catches renjun off guard. nambibigla naman kasi itong si jeno. ang lakas din makiramdam. renjun immediately furrows his eyebrows na para bang hindi niya alam ang sinasabi ng best friend niya.
“ha?”
“were you crying? bago ako tumawag?” sagot ng binata, pero hindi ito nakatingin sa screen, which gives renjun the chance to make sure na hindi siya mukhang bagong iyak.
“no i wasn’t.” pagsisinungaling nito. jeno’s not convinced though.
“yes, you were. sa screen na lang tayo nagkikita, pero alam ko pa rin kapag bagong iyak ka.”
and just like that, nagbabadya na naman ang mga luha ni renjun. he pretends to sneeze, para lang may dahilan siyang magtakip at magpunas ng mukha. jeno chuckles on the other line.
“bakit ka tumatawa?” renjun asks.
“ang cute mo kasi.”
“what did i do now?”
“kunwari ka pa dyan,” jeno grins. “alam ko namang umiyak ka kasi miss mo ko.”
“ang yabang mo! hindi kaya!” renjun says bago ipinatong ang phone niya sa stand at kinuha ang cup noodles niyang malamig na nga talaga. he starts eating, and jeno sends him a glare nang makita nito kung anong kinakain niya.
“akala ko ba healthy living ka na?” tanong ni jeno. “tsaka, dinner mo ‘yan? anong oras na ah?”
renjun starts to defend himself, telling jeno na ngayon na lang naman siya ulit kakain ng cup noodles dahil wala na siyang pagkain sa dorm at ‘yun lang ang emergency food na meron siya. he also tells jeno about the problem set from the pits of hell, making him laugh.
“hindi ikaw ang iniiyakan ko kanina!” renjun rolls his eyes. “it was this homework.”
“eh bakit hindi ka nagsabi sakin? pwede naman kitang tulungan if nahihirapan ka.”
“i didn’t want to bother you—”
“you’re never a bother, jun. lagi ko namang sinasabi sayo yun, diba?” jeno says. seryoso na ang mukha nito this time.
“i know, pero kasi nakakahiya. alam ko namang busy ka, alangang guluhin kita.”
“hindi ka panggulo. at hindi rin ako busy ngayon. kaya akin na, isend mo sakin yung problems. i’ll answer them for you.”
“jeno…”
“dali na. malapit naman na ako sa dorm at wala akong gagawin pag dating ko.” jeno assures him. “para makapagpahinga ka na rin.”
“jen…”
“ang kulit talaga, huang. dali na.” jeno chuckles. “miss na rin kita tulungan sa math problems mo.”
“yun lang miss mo?”
“syempre hindi. kasi miss din kita. you have no idea.”
gusto na namang umiyak ni renjun. and this time, hindi niya na pinigilan ang sarili niya. when jeno notices that he’s crying, he tells him to just cry and let it all out. pahupa na ang iyak ni renjun by the time jeno arrives at his dorm room, pero naiyak na naman ito nang makita niya ang picture frame na nasa lamesa ni jeno. it’s a photo of them during their high school graduation.
“i miss you so much, jen. it’s not the same without you here.”
“i know. i miss you just as much, renjun.”
patuloy lang ang pag iyak ni renjun sa mga sumunod na minuto, but with every drop of his tears ay ramdam niya ang pag gaan ng dibdib niya. jeno patiently waits for renjun to stop crying, and by the time he’s finished, he gives him a small smile.
“inom ka na ng tubig.” jeno tells him. “tapos hilamos ka na and toothbrush para makahiga ka na at makatulog na.”
“may ginagawa pa ako…”
“ako nang bahala. send mo sakin ‘yung problems, ako na magsasagot.”
“paano ko matututunan sagutan kung ikaw papasagutin ko?”
“i’ll call again tomorrow and explain everything to you in detail. and then after that we can catch up, o kaya nood tayo ng movie together if wala kang gagawin. for now though, sleep. i know you’re tired.”
“pero—”
“kailangan ko pa bang umuwi dyan para matulog ka na, kulit?”
napanguso nang bahagya si renjun. “kung ito lang pala ang makapagpapauwi sayo, hindi na ako matutulog talaga.”
“ang kulit talaga.” natatawang sabi ni jeno sa kabilang linya. renjun joins, and the younger’s relieved na tumatawa na ito ulit. “matulog ka na. para 23 days nalang until you see me again.”
natigilan si renjun sa sinabi ng binata. hindi niya alam kung namali lang ba siya ng dinig, o kung niloloko lang ba siya nito. 23 days?
“ha?”
“wala! dali na. water, hilamos, toothbrush, tapos send mo sakin the problems, and then sleep.”
“hindi, ulitin mo muna ‘yung sinabi mo!”
“ano bang sabi ko?”
“23 days until i see you again?” paguulit ni renjun.
“secret dapat ‘to eh.” natatawang sabi ni jeno. “isipin mo nalang habang nag t-toothbrush ka. dali.”
after a few more minutes of renjun trying to get a direct answer from jeno ay napagod din ito. nagpaalam na sila sa isa’t isa at nag promise na tatawag bukas, pagkatapos ay sinend na ni renjun kay jeno ang last two items sa homework niya bago nagligpit.
by two in the morning, patay na ang mga ilaw and renjun’s already in bed, ready to sleep.
two thirty, and he’s still wide awake.
by three in the morning, he finally realizes kung anong meron in 23 days.
it’s his birthday. jeno’s coming home for his birthday.