Chapter Text
It was Jason and Tim arguing that had started the bet. It had been three months since Bruce had returned from the timestream, and just two days ago Tim revealed the lack of his spleen. Now, most siblings would be extremely concerned that their little brother had lost an organ. At first, Jason had been. But when Tim joked that he was the best at hiding important information from the family, Jason’s pride was on the line.
“I managed to hide important medical information for months! I think that’s by far the best anyone can do.”
“I hid that I was alive!”
“That was Talia doing all the work for you! Practically the first thing you did when you came to Gotham was reveal yourself.”
“I managed to hide sneaking out of the manor from Bruce for weeks!”
“I was able to hide my abusive parents for years!”
“That doesn’t count! He wasn’t in the right headspace to figure out information!”
“Like the fact you were alive?!”
Cass shot a glare at Dick, silently urging him to stop the fight. Dick sighed and put down his popcorn, walking over to his brothers and standing between them. “We’re all great at keeping stuff from each other. The family is selectively oblivious.” He rolled his eyes at the next glare. “Except Cass of course. She’s the special one.”
“That’s not true! I bet I could figure out anything about you guys.” Tim pouted, crossing his arms.
Jason just laughed. “Bet, baby bird. You couldn’t find out something as obvious as a crush.”
“You wouldn’t be able to hide a relationship from me longer than a week.”
“Likewise, Timbo."
“Bold of you to assume I wouldn’t be able to beat both of you.” Dick was in theory supposed to stop them, but this was too good to pass up on.
“Let’s make this official then. Whoever can hide a romantic relationship the best wins.”
Tim raised an eyebrow at Jason’s absurd proposal. “‘The best?’ Is that measured by how long, how serious it is, or how far the lengths we go to hide it?”
“We’ll figure it out after we end it. The answer will probably be obvious by then. Besides, Timbo, that would actually require you to have someone interested in you.”
“Fuck you! I’m a CEO, everyone wants to be with me!”
Dick got in between the two again. “I’m up to it if everyone else is. Who wants to send the memo out?”
While the three brothers continued to argue over specifics, Cass typed up a text and sent it in the family group chat. Damian immediately responded complaining about how stupid the bet was, and Bruce just seemed disappointed in them.
Upstairs, Alfred was making dinner as Bruce came into the kitchen and reached for the coffee pot. “You know the rules, Master Bruce. No coffee after noon.”
“I think it’s the only thing that helps me survive these children.”
“What have they done this time?”
“Do you ever check the family group chat?”
“There is no need. Anything important that is talked about there is shouted out a few minutes later. I still do not understand half the abbreviations they use anyway.”
Bruce sighed and got a champagne glass and a bottle of wine instead, pouring out a small glass. He leaned against the counter, sipping on it as he debated how to phrase it. “They made a bet to ensure who is the best at hiding information. Through hiding their relationships from each other. They made it obvious I’m included in that ‘each other’.”
Alfred smiled fondly, shaking his head as he continued his work. “I doubt there is anything to worry about. They all live in a family of detectives, any relationships will be discovered before they go too far along. At least one of them will get far and then cave from the guilt of hiding it from you.”
“I think you underestimate them, Alfred.”
“Not at all, Master Bruce. It does not matter to me anyway. They won’t be able to hide anything from me.”
“I swear, how do you know everything that goes on in here?”
The smile turned into a smirk. “That, my dear boy, is a secret I will never tell.”
Honestly, Bruce was comforted by Alfred’s words. He would give them a month maximum before the truth came out. His children trusted too much not to, right? It didn’t matter about a stupid bet, a month would be more than enough to ensure a victory. Nothing serious enough would happen in a month to warrant the feeling of missing out on his children’s milestones. They got their fun, and he missed out on nothing.
Besides, the look on their faces was enough to guess if they liked someone or not. None of his children were subtle about romantic feelings. Every single time beforehand Dick had a crush Bruce was able to immediately guess. Jason was more careful about who he let into his life, but he was just as easy to read. Tim and Cass’s eyes were windows to their souls, they had never been able to hide anything from him when he was paying attention. Damian wasn’t a concern at all, since he had made it clear he had no intentions of participating in such a foolish bet. For once Bruce could say Damian was the least troublesome child.
Sure, the kids all came up from the Batcave to dinner with determination on their faces, but it would fade. They all had a habit of burning out eventually unless the stakes were truly life or death. His children were able to get away with a small lecture about how much he loved them and how they could always come to him. They just nodded along, shooting glances at each other and giving a few eye rolls. Bruce smiled affectionately, appreciating the ability to have all his children at the same table.
Clearly, he underestimated their commitment to this bet.