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I am not a man who is good at words. Every word that comes out of my lips is carefully calculated so that no one is hurt by my words. But somehow it's different if I've met the person I love. It felt like all the vocabulary was gone from my head. My tongue gets numb as I'm smitten by her charm. That's why, Instead of my word, I choose to show everything with my unlimited actions.
Like that night in the middle of a crowd of people who enjoy the night of Christmas Eve with their loved ones. Smoke puffs continuously out of my nose in the midst of my daily routine to be a loyal listener of every word that continues to flow from the lips of the woman next to me. Accompanied by the cold of New York, which became the city where we decided to stay for a year. Our hands comfortably intertwined which I stuffed into the pockets of my favorite navy blue coat. Trying to share the warmth I have for her.
A lot of Decorative lights were intentionally installed around the road to add to the beauty offered by the city that a lot of tourists love for its skyscrapers and the beauty of Manhattanhenge.
But for me, the beauty of the light, skyscrapers, manghattanhenge, or everything about New York is completely meaningless since I have her next to me. Someone who is completely distracting my attention due to the beauty she has, The beauty which I adore since the first time these eyes met her brown orbs.
I listened to word after word she spill which tell about her day. Not even once did I let my ears pass through the beautiful words that flowed in my ears.
I tightened my hand which intertwined with her hand, indirectly conveying various messages that I could not say with my mouth which (again) locked tightly that night.
The silent message has a lot of meaning. A message that tells me that I am always by his side to provide warmth. A message that signaled that I was by his side. A message that tells me that I take care of him to always feel safe next to me; The man she fell in love with, exactly 2 years ago.
"We're really going to ice skate under that big Christmas tree, right?" I smiled and then nodded at the question she had asked for the umpteenth time.
Her legs which had been walking normally now started to make small jumps. The pace of our walk starts to get fast, pulling me a little so we can get there as quickly as possible because she is very excited about the activities that we will do in the minutes "Slow down, baby."
“I can't wait! You should know that It’s always been my dream to come here on Christmas night!" Again, these lips pulled wide into a smile that always came out every time I stood next to her.
A smile that will always come to whatever I see her, especially when I able to see another side of her that she rarely shows to everyone. She who is always enthusiastic about the things around her. She who has become more open to me acts like a 5-year-old innocent child who is not afraid of the world, She gives me access to see his true figure which he has always hidden behind his cold face and quiet nature. Burn my ego, makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world, the jackass who had the audacity to break the heart of a soft woman in front of me just because I doubted my choice.
The meaningless act, as I now realize that, no matter what the circumstances, my choice will still fall to her and her alone.
"But I want to make a confession," she paused, walking backward while facing me who divert my attention to her and the road behind her. There was a look of doubt and fear in her eyes, to which I immediately replied with a calming gaze, "I can't play ice skating" she said quickly. Makes these lips stretch wider by the sudden confession plus how she immediately turns around to avoid my eyes due to the embarrassing confession which I never thought embarrassing at all.
I brought my lips to her plump cheeks and kissed her gently before I brought my lips to kiss the knuckles of her hand that I still hold tightly, “You'll be fine, Jang Gyeoul,” I said as gently as possible, “You have me. You don't have to worry about anything else. I'll stay beside you”
A bright red tint appeared on his cheeks, making me smile proudly. Nothing can beat my happiness, when I see the woman I love shows how happy she is with me. As it becomes my own mission to always makes her happy no matter what. Because she deserved it. She deserved every happiness in the world.
Our steps finally arrived at the center of the festivities at night. A place that attracts a lot of tourists who visit New York City, especially at night.
I looked to my side. It was clear how her eyes sparkled with joy. Her head turned left and right as if she was capturing and storing the scene before her in her memory.
Again a smile danced on her lips, giving millions of pride to myself which is once again able to make someone I love, smile happily.
"Ready?" I asked after helping him put on the special shoes I rented there. Her hand gripped tightly on mine and helped her step towards the rink.
Slowly, I lead him down the slippery edge of the rink. My hands hold her tightly, making sure that nothing bad could happen to the woman in front of her.
"Let go of your hand," ask her when we were far from where we first entered the rink arena.
I shook my head, "No. You're not ready yet."
And she, who already knows my weakness, cleverly uses her powerful weapon to make me melt. She curled her lips downwards, protesting.
I took a deep breath. Know I can't win from her, "Be careful" I said as I slowly let go of his left hand. Agree to the request.
I started counting to 10 in my head, ready for the worst. On the count of three, she was able to balance herself well. On the fifth count, she is trying to adjust to walking on the ice. Right at the count of eight where her left foot stepped forward, I swiftly catch her who lost her balance and helped her to stand back so she does not touch the solidified ice.
My heart was beating very fast. Anything related to her makes the calm me always change into an overreact human being. Especially if the incident almost harmed her in any way, I can't stop blaming myself if something bad happens to her.
"I'm okay, stop panicking," she said a moment after she can stand perfectly. Made me loudly sigh in disbelief. Sometimes I can't understand how the woman in front of me can act normal when I'm already panicking half to death.
“Jang Gyeoul, Please,” I unconsciously let out frustration that I rarely show.
“Sorry, I thought I could really stand on my own. I mean, I'm still holding on to you too, right? I'm sorry, seriously." She stroked the back of my hand gently with her thumb. Trying to calm me down.
My gaze softened as I saw her pleading eyes, making me slightly smile, then again, I lead her to walk around the rink.
"You want to follow them?" I offered, when I accidentally saw her envious eyes on a pair of lovers who slid into the middle, then turned and hugged each other while laughing afterward.
“I don't think that's a good idea, no?” Without answering, I gently pulled her hand. Passed a few people who were also enjoying the Ice skate rink at night. Stopping when we are reaching the middle of the ice rink.
I turn around, standing face to face with eyes met, I could see how red his cheeks were. Makes my lips that haven't stopped smiling ever since, getting more and more wider.
Beautiful. Jang Gyeoul, the woman I completely surrendered and give my heart to three years ago is very beautiful. It never occurred to me at any time that I would be tired of seeing her beautiful face.
I let go of one of her hands to hold her slender waist. I slowly pulled her body to mine and now I managed to hug her tightly
"A lot of people watch us, ok." She said, which made me gigggles. I kissed her forehead gently, “No one will care about us. It's New York, baby. People mind their own business”
“But still, we attract people's attention, Mr. Ahn Jeongwon"
“Well, How can people not look at us, when there's one gorgeous woman literally standing in front of me” She hit my chest pretty hard with his free hand. I throw my head to the back, as I can't contain my laughter.
I looked back at her eyes that looked at me wistfuly. My favorite eyes that I will never get tired of looking at.
There was no conversation between us because we chose to remain silent. Paying attention to every detail of our faces. She, with her calm eyes that always become my addiction, the dimples that become my favorite place to land a little peck every time she wakes up from his sleep. The forehead that I can't stop showering with loving kisses, and last the thin pink lips that have always been my favorite when I needed peace of mind.
Every time, I looked into her eyes, I am always get reminded of how I'm not a man full of words. I get tight-lipped every time I meet her because no word can describe how I feel, even though I already prepared it beforehand. With Jang Gyeoul who I have trusted to my future, whose name I always put in prayer. Desperately wish to God for tied the fate between me and her.
I know I'm not a man of words, so Instead of words, I always make sure to convey the love I have through my actions. Like now when I raise her left hand and kiss Gyeoul's knuckle while eyes looking at her. Lasted long enough, especially on the silver metal that wrapped around his ring finger. A reminder of what has become a promise between us, to go further.
I looked back into his eyes, pulling his waist to tighten the hug before now choosing to land my lips on Gyeoul's beautiful pink lips. I kissed her slowly before deepening it to convey my heart that cannot be expressed in words.
I am indeed a man who is not full of words, so I make sure that I show all my feelings with my act, to make her the queen of my world. But I also realized that it acts is never enough for a woman, who needs validation of feelings, to get certainty of what I did is an actual act of the heart. So that she doesn't think twice about every action I take.
So I stopped the kiss on her lips, with the forehead still together, and took a lot of breath as much as we can. A smile grew in the midst of our intimacy. I whispered words on her lips that I believe definitely made her believe in my feelings, made her know that I had completely surrendered everything I have for her alone.
“I Love You, Jang Gyeoul. I’m madly love in with you” Told me, before going back to kiss her lips gently.