Chapter Text
“You can’t do this! The Heart’s power is too unstable, and it’ll take you and the whole universe with it!”
The urge to guffaw was almost too great. Who did this woman think she was? How dare she think herself to know more than—
“I have had enough of this chatty little rebel,” Prime Replied. “Dispose of her now.”
The command was directed at me, though as I stared at the prisoner with my weapon ready and my head held high, I felt…strange. It was difficult to decipher the feeling, as my head was ever filled with Horde Prime’s commands as well as the voices of my brothers, and they left no room for independent cognition.
But why did I feel this way? Why did staring at this woman bring on these conflicting feelings? It was almost as if I—
Enough, I berated myself. Surely, Horde Prime could hear my thoughts as well as feel this foreign emotion. I mustn’t think further on the subject, else my traitorous mind will disappoint him and cause doubt of my loyalty.
“Did you not hear me, little brother? Do it now.”
My grip tightened on the gun pointed towards the purple-haired rebel. “You will die,” I seethed, though I could not bring myself to pull the trigger. Fearfully, I recognized my conflicting feeling towards her as…admiration—a feeling reserved only for my Horde Prime.
Just as suddenly as I had the epiphany, every voice quieted and ceased in my head. It became so silent that I felt fatigued and feared that I might faint.
No!
“You disappoint me, little brother.” It was Prime, and his voice sounded much closer than before.
“No,” I tried futilely. “Please—”
But he snatched the gun from my outstretched hand and bashed it painfully against my temple. He didn’t even watch as my body crumbled to the ground, the gun already pointed towards the rebel.
I wanted to cry out, but I couldn’t speak. It was almost as if I had lost the ability when Prime smote me down. The only thing I could do was turn my head towards the one I inexplicably cherished as I lay there on my back, helpless and weak and unable to stop the beam of light that erupted from his weapon.
I closed my eyes, unable to watch as she perished.
Though as I opened my eyes again, we were no longer on The Velvet Glove. My back felt stiff against the ground of the large semi-lit room, with wires and thick cables coming out of every one of its corners. There was a large chair on the other side of the room—one that resembled a throne fit for a king, though not worthy enough for Horde Prime himself. The place felt eerily familiar, but I could not remember how or why.
A large contraption materialized out of nowhere as I struggled to my feet. It stood at my far left and had been powered on, nearly blinding with light.
A portal?
“S-something’s wrong,” I heard a voice from behind me. Her voice. I whirled around just as she passed me and went straight for the portal, which I could now see that was indeed malfunctioning. “I’m turning it off!”
Something bad was going to happen, and I felt the need to protect her from it. I reached for her as panic erupted within me. “Wait…!” But I could not remember her name, and so she did not turn around. I took off after her, my own safety be damned.
Although without her name, my attempts at gaining her attention were futile.
I could feel bile rising in my throat from desperation. How could I feel this way for someone without even knowing their name?
Just then, a strange little creature arose in my line of sight. Its yellow eyes bore into mine as its gray bat-like wings supported it long enough to stay in the air. When it opened its mouth, its lips completely unmoving, my voice as well as a name bore from its throat:
“Entrapta! Entrapta!”
The rebel froze as she stared at the familiar creature. Entrapta. I panted lightly as I caught up to her, thankful that she had finally stopped. “Entrap—” I began, but it was too late. The portal exploded and emitted a powerful light. I shielded my face but could see with squinted eyes as Entrapta turned to me and smiled a sad, small smile before her body turned completely to ash.
I was in complete awe of this woman.
She came barging into my room in her oversized night shirt—the only piece of clothing she owned that didn’t seem to be sporadically stained with oil—with her long purple pigtails flying behind her.
I was relieved to see her face, but also wary of her reasoning for barging into my chambers.
And now she was kneeling beside my bed and staring up at me with a concerned look plastered across her sweet face. “Another one?”
My erratic breathing had nearly subsided, though my heart was beating incredibly fast. I blinked and then frowned immediately at her question, turning away from her in disgust.
Another one.
Horde Prime was dead, though the dreams were very much alive. They often started out as nightmares and then would morph into night terrors—which, in fact, were infinitely worse.
Damn him, I thought frustratingly.
I was still frowning and facing the wall when I felt a delicate stroke on the knuckles of my fist—one that did not feel like soft tufts of hair.
“Hordak,” she whispered. “Look at me.”
My breathing had gone back to normal, but my voice seemed to be lodged in my throat. After that horrifying dream, how could I look at her? Though I couldn’t find the strength to deny her, nor did I even want to. Taking a deep and steadying breath, I turned around.
My eyes flitted quickly to her face and then away again. She sighed quietly, but I could see the troubled look on her face from the corner of my eye.
“There is no need to worry,” I mumbled while looking at the bedside lamp. “But was I so loud that you could hear me through the thick walls of the castle?”
I wanted to see her face again—to steal a look at her bare and nimble fingers as they touched me—but I could not risk her catching my eyes and seeing my fear.
She’d seen it already when she first rushed in on me sitting up in bed, disheveled and slightly confused; she’d seen it when she had to call my name more than once to get me to even look at her, and when I did meet her eyes, I could see that my fear caused her own.
I was a burden.
“No.” She pulled her hand away. “I couldn’t hear a thing while reviewing notes on molecular structure in my room, but…”
“Yes?” I prodded.
“I usually check on you during this time of night—because of your nightmares. But they’re usually not so bad that I have to come running to your side like this.”
Ah. Well, how completely and utterly embarrassing. To be so weak and vulnerable in front of her only fueled my irritation and my shame.
But while being repulsed with myself, panic struck me. His small bed sat near the nightstand, and I could see it in the same line of vision as I could the lamp. “Where is Imp?” I asked aloud, still staring at the empty bed.
“Curled up on my bed, fast asleep,” She answered quickly. “He visited me hours before and fell asleep while I studied my notes.”
Relief flooded through me once again, though I tried not to show it.
“I’m always here,” she reassured me softly, after it became apparent that I would not respond. “And you can talk to me. Or Emily. Or…Imp.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, my frown deepening even more. How could I speak to her? How could I speak to anyone?
The truth was that I often felt alone, even with a dear friend such as her by my side. When she took me into town and to the palace to see her friends—her Bow, Glimmer, Adora, Catra, and all of the other princesses—my mind often wandered as they tried their best to include my newfound and introverted personality into conversation.
It wandered until bouts of my most disturbing memories came forth—memories that comforted me in my moments of exclusion. They were of ones during the brief yet familiar mind control of Prime, where I was interconnected through the hive mind with all of the other clones. There were moments where I could almost hear the constant buzzing of voices and commands of my now freed brothers, and I almost felt…safe; like I was once again connected and right where I was meant to be.
But it would only be for a moment. The phantom buzzing of voices would spike a wave of anxiety as I reminded myself of the reality of its horrors: one had no mind of their own while trapped in that psychological prison. There was always a faint feeling that something was missing, though there was no help in exploring it with the constant distraction from minds clouding your own.
The struggle to remember the one most dear to me was something I never again wanted to experience, and my recurring nightmares were enough to remind me of that. But those moments where the memories actually comforted me and made me feel safe…how could I ever explain that to anyone?
“I have not been acting like myself,” I stated, and it was true.
Ever since my emancipation, I've been…different; no longer eager for our collaborations, but aloof and always lost in thought. ‘Dissociation,’ they called it, and Entrapta often found me staring blankly at the ceiling or the wall when it took me.
She didn't want to mention it in fear of upsetting me, but I knew that she missed the way we used to work together all those months before.
“I know,” she confirmed quietly, and I found that I could no longer keep myself from her gaze.
Her warm eyes did nothing to keep me from feeling ashamed. “Forgive me.”
She stood and sat down on the edge of the bed near my outstretched legs. “Don’t do that.”
I shook my head. “There is no excuse—”
Her hair sprang up and shot out towards me to cover my mouth. Her face looked determined as she spoke: “do you remember what I said about failure, and how beautiful it was?”
She stared at me with expectant eyes, and continued only after I nodded my head.
“Just as we found beauty in failure, we can find beauty in healing—no matter how bumpy it may be. Because that’s what you're doing right now, Hordak.” She reached for my hand and held it in her much smaller one. “And there’s no reason to feel bad about it.”
Perhaps I was never not in awe of this woman. Everything she did and said was always right and ever justified, even if it wasn’t. And even though her imperfections weren’t allowed to be perfect, they were to me.
The strong emotion I felt towards her nearly suffocated me.
“I adore you,” I muttered beneath her hair, and then immediately snapped my mouth closed. Though I did indeed feel complete adoration for her, I had not intended to divulge it.
My confession was muffled, but I could tell by the slight flush of her face that she heard it.
How peculiar it was to express such deep emotion, when I had always struggled to reveal them to her before. What was so different now that I was able to do it just then? She had to have been a sorceress, I decided absurdly. A skilled sorceress as well as a beautiful woman and scientific genius, who undoubtedly deserved more than what I could offer.
I bent my long legs and swung them over the edge of the bed. I stood standing only a second before bending down to kneel before her, just as she had done for me moments before.
“You mean so much to me,” I declared, bending down to kiss the tops of her bare feet. She flinched in surprise and used her hair to grab my chin, lifting it so that she could look into my eyes.
“Hordak—”
“Please,” I begged shamelessly. Her beauty juxtaposed greatly to the horrors of my nightmare, and I wanted to explore it. “Just let me.”
Anxiously, I thought she was going to refuse. I became fearful of her aversion and prayed that she would not push me away.
Seconds that felt like an eternity passed before she let go of my chin and reached out her hand to caress her fingers through my hair. She needn’t say a word, for her eyes expressed more than her speech ever could.