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Seungmin couldn't sleep. It's been at least an hour of tossing and turning. It was something itching at his heart, a worry, or warning. It was useless to stay in bed, so he got out, and checked if Jeongin was still sleeping soundly. He was, the younger was flat on his stomach with his face in the pillow. Seungmin wondered if he could even breathe. Then he left the room, shutting the door with a click. The clock read 2:41.
Seungmin went to fill a cup of water, just for something to do. He watched the seconds tick by as he drank.
He then frowned and set down the cup. Breaking the silence of the dead of night were gagging noises. He pulled a face. Why would anyone suck someone off at two am? Wait actually, Jisung and Minho would, those two were freaky. He wished he could erase all of the scenes he had accidentally walked into. It wasn't rare to find the two of them doing the devil's tango in perhaps the broom cupboard. (Yes it has happened, no Seungmin was not going to recollect that memory)
Seungmin sighed, shaking his head fondly, and went to Jisung and Felix's shared room.
Oh so it wasn't Minsung then. The duo was curled around each other, sleeping soundly. Jisung had his face buried in Minho's purple locks, while the older in turn was pressed into Jisung's chest. They looked at ease and safe with each other.
Felix was also dead to the world, cuddling with his dwaekki pillow. His face was smushed into his pillow and Seungmin could see the telltale glimmer of drool on his cheek. Some of the weight in Seungmin's heart eased slightly and he smiled at the sight. These were the moments he loved, just the members peaceful and vulnerable, because they trusted each other.
He gently shut the door and ventured to Chan and Minho's. Seungmin had to stifle his giggles when he heard Chan's snores. At least their leader was finally sleeping at a regular time for once, they owed that to Jeongin, who had confiscated all of Chan's energy drinks. Minho's bed, of course, was empty. Seungmin then wandered to Hyunjin and Changbin's.
Hyunjin was fast asleep, hair splayed out like a golden halo. And Changbin-
His bed was empty.
…
Changbin? Alone, with gagging sounds? Oh. Oh shit. Seungmin listened, concentrating this time. Muffled sobs and quiet retching accompanied the gagging sounds.
Seungmin half ran to the bathroom, his socked feet making zero noise as he nearly flew down the hallway. He froze with his hand on the doorknob, taking deep even breaths.
"Hyungie?" Seungmin said softly when he opened the door, not wanting to scare Changbin.
The older flinched anyway, and whipped around to stare at Seungmin with bloodshot eyes, cheeks wet. Changbin was kneeling on the cold, hard bathroom tiles, bent over the toilet seat. His fingers hung in the air, halfway to his mouth. Seungmin’s eyes followed Changbin’s fingers as he snatched them away from his mouth.
This wasn't Changbin. Seungmin had no idea who this person was. His Changbin didn't hide in the bathroom at three am, gagging on his fingers til he cried. His Changbin wouldn't flinch at someone appearing behind him.
Changbin choked on a cough in shock, hurriedly wiping his fingers on his pant leg. "Minnie-"
"...what?"
"Go back to sleep," Changbin's face morphed into a reassuring expression, and he wiped the liquid at the corner of his mouth. But it was so wrong. His expression looked so weird and different. Paired with his condition, he almost looked terrifying, at least to Seungmin.
Changbin reached up and closed the toilet lid, and he flushed it. Soon, the only thing indicating something had happened were the tear tracks on Changbin’s cheeks. He exhaled, his mouth tugging up at the corners as he looked at Seungmin. “I’m okay, go back to bed.” Changbin was okay? His eyes told an entirely different story, something dark that Seungmin did not like swirling in them.
Seungmin kept quiet. He sank to the ground behind Changbin and wrapped his arms around the older’s middle, resting his head on Changbin’s back. Felix would have called him a koala.
“Uh- Seung?” Changbin asked, his voice hoarse. It tugged on Seungmin’s heartstrings. “Hyung,” he breathed back, nuzzling into Changbin’s neck.
"Seungmin, don't-"
"I'm not leaving you," Seungmin said determinedly, his voice slightly muffled. He was not going to leave Changbin alone in this state, no matter how much the older was going to persuade. It just wouldn’t be right to even a normal person, much less Seungmin himself.
"You're not?" Changbin's voice was barely above a whisper. Seungmin shook his head, nuzzling into Changbin’s back. “Why?” Seungmin pulled his face away to pout accusingly at Changbin. The older had shifted so he was facing Seungmin, and was staring at him with such disbelief in his eyes. His hands were shaking. “Why would I?” he countered back, grabbing onto Changbin’s hands. Changbin’s lip wobbled and drops of water landed on their intertwined hands.
“Really?”
Seungmin hated how Changbin’s voice broke. That question shouldn’t even have been asked in the first place. Stray Kids were 8. They would never leave each other. Ever.
“Promise,” Seungmin whispered, doing what Chan would do sometimes when they had panic attacks or anything similar – planting a soft kiss on Changbin’s forehead.
The older sniffled, helpless to the tears streaming down his cheeks, A choked sob tore out of his throat as he lurched forward and grabbed at Seungmin. His nails dug into Seungmin’s arms but the younger didn’t complain. Changbin needed him, and he was happy to provide. He wrapped both arms around Changbin and hummed once in reassurance.
Changbin bawled into his shirt, soaking through it, but Seungmin didn’t complain. It was only when Changbin stilled, and his sobs quieted to sniffles that Seungmin spoke up.
“Do you want to go to bed? We need to talk about this.”
Changbin nodded, knowing that Seungmin was right, but that didn't make it any more appealing. At least the bed would be more comfortable than the hard tiles. His fingers gripped onto Seungmin’s shirt, as if if he let go Seungmin would disappear. Seungmin leaned against the wall for support as they both carefully maneuvered out of the cramped space.
It was quiet until they managed to tangle themselves into Seungmin’s bed without waking Jeongin. “Changbin-” Seungmin started. “Seung, I’m tired, please,” Changbin whispered as he burrowed into Seungmin’s chest, seeking warmth. “Tomorrow?” Seungmin persisted. “Tomorrow,” Changbin breathed, his eyes fluttering shut. Seungmin sighed softly and closed his eyes too, letting Changbin's warm presence drag him down into the depths of sleep. They would have plenty of time to talk the next morning.