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“kel…”
mikael was sitting by the concrete floor of his favorite café’s rooftop when he heard someone calling to him. as he turned, he saw adi running towards him.
after talking to his sister, he thought he is done crying. but seeing adi proved him otherwise as another batch of tears came pooling in his eyes.
“adi—”
“anong ginagawa mo rito?” adi hurriedly sat beside him and pulled him in an embrace. “nag-alala kami”
mikael then burried his face on the other’s neck and sobbed hard again.
“sorry” mikael cried, “sorry, adi”
adi has a lot of questions to ask. but he just kept mum. instead, he gently patted mikael’s back kagaya ng ginagawa ng mama niya kapag siya ang umiiyak.
despite adi being smaller in size compared to mikael, he tried his best to cage him in his embrace.
“gusto mo ng tubig? may dala ako” adi asked and he felt mikael nodding. “okay wait lang”
saglit na kumalas si adi sa yakap, but mikael stayed still. his arms are still wrapped around the smaller’s waist. adi didn’t mind. he knows mikael needs it right now.
“here” adi said habang inaabot ang isang bote ng tubig kay mikael.
the center downed the bottle of water in seconds and adi just looked at him. what happened?
he is so confused. because as far as he can remember, the thing that transpired between the two of them the last time they were together was a subtle confession of what they feel toward each other.
he wanted to ask why mikael is repeatedly apologizing to him. was it because he regretted what he said on their last night in san pablo? was it because mikael regretted holding his hand throughout their travel back to manila?
adi wanted answers. but he was scared.
when he told mikael how his heart beats fast for him, when he let the taller hold his hand, he thought they already have a clear understanding of what they have.
when i feel like i am about to fall, i run — he remembered mikael telling him before.
so he gathered the courage that’s left of him and finally asked “kel… tatakbuhan mo rin ba ako?”
mikael looked at him.
his eyes looked tired and scared. it was the first time he saw mikael’s eyes like this.
“ayoko…” mikael whispered. “but i thought about it”
adi looked heartbroken hearing that.
“sorry” mikael said. his eyes were about to tear up again. “adi, natatakot ako”
mikael continued to tell adi how he forgot about his pain because of the latter. he proceeded on telling adi that he became happier because of the smaller’s existence in his life.
and he also shared how that one post resurfacing on his facebook account suddenly reminded him of his fear. how that lone memory made him question himself and his worth.
but i am not him, that is what adi wanted to say.
however, as he continued looking at mikael, macey’s words came ringing back in his mind — he has issues that he’s not yet done fixing.
and this is it.
this is mikael in his vulnerability, in his fear that was caused by some asshole.
“mikael i cannot fix you” adi said.
“i know…” mikael answered timidly.
“and i wouldn’t want to either”
mikael looked at him with gloomy eyes and said, “i understand”
“kel, i am not the Messiah that can fix the broken. i could not let myself break just so i could fix you. hindi ako martir. you need to do the fixing on your own”
“alam ko” mikael’s answer was still whisper-like.
“but that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone” adi said and mikael looked at him again, his eyes full of confusion.
if this was another day, adi would have chuckled with how transparent mikael’s eyes were. it was literally the window to his soul.
“i can accompany you while you’re fixing yourself” adi said, “look. you knew me as someone honest, diba? i’ve told you before that i don’t like keeping things to myself when it is bothering me”
mikael just nodded.
“so this is me being honest with you… and myself as well” adi breathes deeply before saying, “i like you”
mikael was just looking at him, waiting for him to continue.
“hindi pa naman umaabot sa punto na magsasabi ako sayo ng i love you, pero gusto kita. i want to lay that card down. i want us to date and get to know each other more. i like you like that”
mikael opened his mouth to answer, but adi held his hand indicating that he is still not done talking.
“while i cannot fully understand your fear and pain, i empathize with you and i am willing to hold your hand while you heal. pero naiinis ako sayo”
“sor—”
“shut up, hindi pa ako tapos”
and mikael did.
“i am not your ex. you have to engrave that in your mind. si adriel ako. hindi ako yung ex mong manloloko. if dadating man yung araw that i would stop liking you, i will tell you. no matter how painful it might be, sasabihin ko sayo. but while my eyes is on you, ikaw lang”
mikael is still confused and overwhelmed, but a hint of crimson red is slowly creeping in his cheeks.
“my god stop blushing, hindi kita pinapakilig”
“so—”
“stop saying sorry, wala kang kang dapat ika-sorry” adi replied, “uulit ulitin ko ‘to hanggang sa tumatak sa isip mo — i am not your ex. hindi kami nagkatulad, hindi kami iisa. tangina ni hindi ko nga siya kaano-ano”
“adi…”
“i like you at hindi kita lolokohin. panget ugali ko at times, ma-attitude ako, pero hindi ako manloloko”
“sorry adi”
“sabi ko—”
“i am saying sorry because i doubted you. because i was unfair to assume that you are like him…”
“it wasn’t you, it was your fear that doubted me”
“akala ko sasabihin mo it wasn’t you, it was felicia”
“ayan, gago ka na ulit” adi rolled his eyes and mikael, for the first time in two days, chuckled once more.
ah… sa wakas narinig ko na ulit was adi’s thoughts.
“thank you for being here with me”
“kasalanan mo ‘to eh. may gayuma yung mga pinainom mo saking kape no? o baka yung lumpia?” adi raised his brow.
“wala ah. charms ko lang ‘to. tumalab na rin sayo. kelnatics ka na rin”
“bantot ampota”
mikael only laughed at that and adi couldn’t help but smile. mukhang tanga si mikael ngayon na namumula yung mata at ilong niya pero tumatawa, but he couldn’t care less. adi is happy that he is seeing the center smile and laugh again.
“pano mo pala ako nahanap? sila min ba? si ate?”
“nag-post ka kaya sa ig mo”
“may ig ka?” mikael asked surprised.
“so gusto mo rin ba ako?” adi tried to divert mikael’s attention.
mikael chuckled, “yeah”
“pota kulang sa conviction. sayang pamasahe ko papunta dito tapos yeah lang isasagot, ang hina hina pa”
“yeah, i like you. gusto kita. gusto rin kitang i-date. i want to get to know you more. i want to see you and talk with you everyday. i want to hear you ranting about the minor inconveniences in your life. i want to hear you being petty over the most trivial things. i want to see how your eyes sparkle whenever you talk about film or any of your likes. i want to —”
“oh putangina mo tama ka na. this was supposed to be my turn to man up. wag ka nang umeksena dyan”
mikael chortled but got serious right away when he realized that he almost lost this. that he almost lost an adriel jeon.
“tigilan mo yang tingin na yan”
“anong tingin?”
“yang tingin na para kang inlove. wala pa tayo dyan. nasa gusto kita part pa lang tayo. next stage pa yan”
mikael was in disbelief with how the film student is handling this. but he was glad that adi made it seem so easy.
no butterflies wilding in his stomach, no horses galloping in his chest. he made it so simple yet so genuine.
“thank you adi”
“sabi ko diba meron ka ng adriel jeon sa buhay?” adi smiled, and so did mikael.
the two of them were just sitting beside each other as they watch the skies change in color and be filled with stars when adi’s stomach suddenly growled.
“ay gutom na ko”
mikael laughed, “obvious nga. kain tayo?”
“libre mo ko. pinagod mo ko eh”
“wala pa nga” mikael answered.
adi looked at him with wide eyes and yelled, “bastos ka”
“anong bastos?” mikael laughed.
“sa karinderya tayo kakain. susumbong kita kay nanay. bastos bunganga mo ah” adi said while stomping away.