Chapter Text
She wasn’t used to receiving mail, sure her family would sometimes mail her a couple of pictures here and there, or her mother would send her a letter.
But this was different, the envelope was thick and the front was warped with messy handwriting. Handwriting she had once joked only she could decipher.
A pit of anxiety and excitement started forming in her stomach as she let her fingers trace the letters that formed her name and address. Her name. He’d written her name.
She turned the letter over, hesitating for a moment before she tore it open, not bothering to care if she tore it, she needed to know what he had written.
Several a proper stack of papers were shoved into the little envelope, along with a pile of polaroids which spilled out. Her heart skipped a beat as she was looking over the glossy photos of the small town she had left what seemed like forever ago. But the pictures brought her right back to those lazy spring days, and busy days in run down hallways.
Evenings spent tucked away in the back of Hawkins High theatre department playing dungeons and dragons. Weekends spent out in Eddie’s bedroom listening to him playing guitar for hours on end while she did homework or read.
Faded memories that were still burned into her mind and came flooding back as she looked at the pictures.
Hey there, bet you weren’t expecting to receive a letter from yours truly today, but what can I say? I am full of surprises.
You’ll never guess where I am sitting while I write you this letter. Or maybe you would, you always were the smart one, hence why you graduated and moved on, and I didn’t. Anyhow, I’m sitting in the back of my van parked out by the small creek that runs out into Lovers Lake. We used to come here a lot together.
I used to come out here to think, because it seemed so far away from the rest of Hawkins. And let’s be honest, it's beautiful out here. That's why I brought you out here for the first time, I wanted for it to just be the two of us. Where nothing else mattered.
I still come out here from time to time, but it’s just not the same anymore. I don’t have you beside me in the car carefully trying to select the perfect mixtape for our tiny get away adventure. And I don’t have you with me as we sit in the back of my van until the sun goes down and the stars come out.
You once sat beside me and told me about the stars. You helped show me the different constellations that reside over us at night. But if I’m being honest with you, I didn’t pay attention. How could I when you were holding my hand to guide me through the night sky. You looked so beautiful in the dim night lighting, with that extra sparkle you always got in your eye when you lost yourself to your thoughts.
Anyhow, how have I been you’re probably wondering at this point. Well, as resident King of the Freaks (self proclaimed, accepted by the masses) I am leading our newest freshmen recruits through their first official Hellfire campaign. They have a long way to go, but they have some potential.
Life at home is… well the same. Wayne still works his night shifts at the factory plant. He has been picking up some extra shifts but he is still good old Wayne Munson.
He asks about you though, and wonders how you’ve been.
You were home for Christmas just a couple of weeks ago, I saw you with your mom down town doing some last minute shopping. If I knew you were coming I would have invited you around to the Hellfire Christmas Special, we had a great time. But it’s not the same without you.
I didn’t even know you were in town. You never told me you would be.
To be fair, I don’t know much about you these days, we haven’t talked since that day you left. Your little car was packed to the very brim, your entire life was in that car. And I wasn’t in it. Not that I can blame you, I can’t believe you managed to fit in there.
You only left me with the memories of you, and a little note containing your new address.
I promised I would write to you, but I didn’t. Honestly I don’t know why I didn’t. Maybe I was scared that it would feel so different now that you weren’t here anymore. Maybe it was because I knew writing something to you would only make me realise just how empty my life is without you in it.
I’m hurt you didn’t tell me you would be coming back. I miss seeing your stupid face, I miss talking walks with you in the forest behind the trailer park, I miss driving around Hawkins late at night blasting whatever music we could find.
I miss you.
I miss you more than I thought was possible, I miss you more than I realised I ever could.
Life without you here sucks. I never knew just how much space you occupied in my day to day life and in my mind. And I never once stopped to think what kind of vacuum you would create when you left.
It’s like you disappeared, like you forgot everything that was here. And I can’t blame you for not missing it. For not missing this daft little small town in the middle of nowhere Indiana, for wanting to move on from it and leave it all behind.
I can’t blame you for not missing Ms. O'Donnell’s 8 am classes. The basketball games, the lazy days spent doing nothing, the small little record store with a shit selection, everything. I can’t blame you for not missing me.
I still wish you did though. I wish you missed me the way I miss you. And I don’t want you to leave me behind. It feels like a part of who I am is just gone, there is nothing there anymore.
If I’m being honest with you, I have no idea why I am writing you this letter. And I know I am rambling, because I cannot find the right words to express to you how I feel.
If you were here I’d write you a song, maybe that would make it easier. There is already a whole stack of them, I keep them in a little box beneath my bed along with the photos I have of you, of us. Sometimes I pull them out just to remind myself that you were real, and not just some figment of my imagination I created to make my life better. To remind myself that you were here .
But you’re not here. And I hate it.
It took me longer than it should have to accept that. And to accept the fact that I miss you.
I should have written you a letter the second you left for college. Hell I should have written you a letter and stashed it somewhere in your packing, just for you to find as you were unpacking.
Do you remember that day last spring? The one where we skipped fifth and sixth period because we just couldn’t stand to be in that building anymore. We went by Joanes, and even though she doesn’t make the best coffee she does still make the best pie North of Indiana.
We bought a whole pan and stole two of her forks. And we spent a whole day out in the woods together. Camped out in the back of my van as always, eating pie and sharing whatever gossip had been circulating. I believe the topic of the day was, does Jason Carver dye his hair to be that colour?
It’s only in hindsight I realised how I must have looked at you. To be fair it is only in hindsight I am realising how I must have felt for you. How I am still feeling for you.
My heart used to skip a beat whenever I saw you in the mornings and you’d wave or smile at me. I got excited whenever I got to sit close to you. Whenever I got to touch you. You held my hand with such ease, but for me I felt as if my heart was pounding out of my chest. I was so nervous.
That one time you cut my bangs, I could feel your breath on my neck as you carefully trimmed my hair. You looked at me so much that day I can never forget it. Still the best haircut I have ever gotten.
I took you to prom, I wasn’t your date, I just offered to drive you.
I should have taken you to prom, officially. I should have asked you then because maybe now I wouldn’t be regretting it so much.
If you’re still reading this, congratulations. You’ve just read everything I never had the guts to tell you.
I don’t know if you’ve understood anything I’ve said, but here are all my feelings laid out. And since I know you can be a little bit daft I might need to spell it out to you.
I, Eddie the Freak Munson, am utterly, and hopelessly in love with you. And I wish I had known it sooner.
I hope you’ll be back in Hawkins soon, and I hope I’ll get to see you again.
With love, Eddie Munson