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“Beth…I, um,” Daryl began, looking up to meet Beth's gaze again, his smile fading quickly.
He didn't know why he'd stopped, especially because every bit of it felt so right. Like when the last piece of a puzzle fits in perfectly and the image becomes clear, sharp, and whole; or when he collapses into bed after a really long and arduous supply run, and the mattress—no matter how thin and lumpy—encases his body; that feeling of togetherness as slumber takes over and the planets align and every single thing in the universe is going right with not a single wrong in sight.
Kissing Beth felt like a campfire on a cool summer’s night: warm and welcoming, fierce and calming. It made his innards twist and turn nervously; his heart thump excitedly against his chest; his head feel like he was on cloud nine. He felt hungover…that floaty, spacey feeling in his gut that told him he had a good time the night before. He was so full of energy, like he could run a marathon or two without a break. Kissing Beth made him feel alive.
Yet...he stopped. He pulled away because this odd, but familiar feeling she was giving him had wedged itself between them. A whisper of a memory he’d had long ago was sifting through his fingers and he couldn’t quite grasp it, like waking up from a beautiful dream and desperately trying to remember every detail before it slips away for good.
"What?" the girl asked impatiently. She was beside herself and the fear of rejection twisted her expression as she stared at Daryl, eyes blazing, waiting for him to pull himself together and give her an explanation.
But he couldn't. Just like talking about his childhood had been, the words on the tip of his tongue came out in stammers and broken thoughts. His struggle frustrated him because this was Beth Greene, the one person in their entire group he felt absolutely okay with opening up to, and he couldn’t. Finally sighing and shrugging his shoulders, he glanced at her and mumbled a quiet, “I’unno.”
Beth threw her hands up in aggravation, a noise of annoyance escaping her throat as she pointed an accusing finger at Daryl.
“Don’t you ‘I’unno’ me, Dixon,” she said firmly, a smile cracking her stern look. “And don’t just say, ‘you know,’ either, Daryl. Just tell me.”
As she spoke his next words, literally taking them straight from his mouth, Daryl stared at her blankly. The familiar feeling of déjà vu washed over him rapidly. The musty and foul taste of pickled pigs’ feet mixed with jelly stuck to his tongue, made it hard for him to swallow without feeling nauseated. He shivered despite it being stifling hot in the cell block.
“Hey, you okay?” he could hear Beth ask, but her voice sounded warped and narrowed, coming in muffled and distant. Like she was there, yet not there. Beside him on her bunk, yet across the table from him. It made his head hurt to be trapped between reality and a memory of a fading dream…
Looking up from his hands, he caught Beth’s gape and pressed his lips into a thin line. “It’s not a dog,” he murmured just before the memory slipped away completely, leaving him dazed and confused. He shook his head and rubbed his fingertips over his puffy eyes.
“You just make me happy, Beth,” Daryl finally managed, a grin tugging at his lips as his hands dropped to his sides and he looked up at her again.
A laugh bubbled up and tumbled from her lips. All of the nervous energy his reaction caused her fell out of her mouth, and she was finally able to take a breath. Beth’s fear of rejection had taken over her body, and she almost missed Daryl’s small whisper about a dog. Her brain quickly pieced his statement together with that moment in the funeral home. Yeah, but Daryl, you said there was a dog. Oh, how she wanted it to be that dog again the second time.
Beth’s hands wrapped around the back of his neck once more, breathing another sigh of relief that came out as a chuckle. She lost herself in his eyes, smiling from ear to ear. “Was that so hard?” she chastised playfully before adding, “You make me happy, too.”
Daryl nodded slowly, his smile continuously growing as he slowly put two and two together. The kiss, this moment—it meant more to the both of them than they were truly letting on. But his dull headache that had started only a few moments before was amplified quickly by his injuries, taking him by surprise and giving him no time to reply…or kiss Beth again, like he had wanted to. He clawed at his head, digging his fingernails into his scalp as if trying to scrape the pain away. “Beth…” he groaned as the searing pain enveloped his entire head.
She reacted quickly, getting up from her bunk and leaving him alone for a full three seconds before grasping his arm and helping him to his feet. “C’mon, Daryl,” Beth whispered, staggering under his weight as she supported him. “Daddy says you need to rest. You shouldn’a been up anyway.”
Daryl shuffled forward slowly, scared that his ankles might give out on him. The two carefully stepped out of Beth’s cell, around the corner, and into his cell, where she leaned him up against the bunks while she fixed his bed up. “I’ll get you some water and aspirin,” she promised as she guided him into the lower bunk. Just as quickly as she waltzed away, she was back with a full bottle of water and a handful of pills.
She helped him swallow two of the pills and left the rest on his bedside table.
“Drink the rest,” Beth insisted as she fluffed his pillow. “Staying hydrated is good.”
Beth watched Daryl as he finished the bottle and passed it off to her. She helped him lie down and tucked him into his sheets before placing a light kiss to his forehead. “I’ll check on you in the mornin’, Daryl. If you’re feeling better, we’ll talk.”
~*~*~*~
As Beth left Daryl to rest, she had no intention of going back to her cell. Adrenaline coursed through her veins, and her body tingled with joy. Of course she'd kissed guys before, but Jimmy didn’t compare to the way Daryl made her feel. She got more excited by a simple look from Daryl than she did when she had her first kiss. Beth thought she was so in love with that boy before the outbreak, it wasn't until the world went to hell that she realized she was only doing what she thought was expected of her. Going through the motions like a mindless robot. Daryl made her feel alive from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. Her feet moved as her thoughts raced. She didn't even notice Maggie fall into place next to her.
"What're you still doing up?" Maggie asked nonchalantly, clearly still holding back much harder questions she had for her younger sister.
Beth wanted to tell Maggie all about Daryl, the words bubbled at her lips. But she stopped herself, unsure of how Maggie would feel about the pairing.
"Can't sleep," Beth shrugged her shoulders. "Haven't been much since everything happened."
Maggie stopped walking and turned to Beth, placing a firm hand on her forearm. "What happened to you, Bethy?"
"Daryl got it worse," she responded honestly. "Merle was just trying to rile me up, get under my skin."
"Well he must have if you can't sleep," Maggie's eyes were soft with worry.
Beth chuckled sarcastically. "Yeah, well. You know, he just scared me I guess. I wasn't in control."
"You can tell me what happened."
"I — uh," Beth stopped and took a deep breath before speaking again.
"He told me to tell him where the prison was or take my shirt off. And when I wouldn't do either, he took his knife and he — and he ripped my shirt," she made a motion with her hand, slicing the air in front of her chest like Merle had.
"He forced me to stand, turned me around," her voice cracked as she fought off tears, "and he put his knife into my back and tore my bra off. Oh God, and then he took me into the room they were keeping Daryl and he was so out of it, so beaten up. And when he saw me and Merle, he was . . . so angry. But he couldn't do much of anything after what that monster had done to him. And then he turned his attention to me like I was a piece of meat and he was starving. I can still feel the touch of his fingers on my stomach."
Beth shook, still fighting back her tears. Maggie stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the girl. "Oh Beth, I'm so sorry."
"I'm fine, it's fine," Beth nuzzled her face into Maggie's hair, taking a deep breath and releasing the weight of what happened as she exhaled. "Thanks for listening."
Not only did it make her feel better to talk about it, Beth remembered what it was like not to know what happened to Maggie. She'd felt helpless. She'd felt like she was failing as a sister because she had no idea how to comfort her. She didn't want Maggie to feel that way.
"So Daryl's reading Change of Heart," Maggie said as she pulled away from her sister to give her a questioning smirk.
Beth couldn't help but smile at the mention of Daryl, and tilted her head down to the floor, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "Yeah, and I'm reading one of his favorites."
"I never pegged the redneck as the book club type."
Beth shrugged her shoulders.
"Did you ever give him his vest back?"
Beth shook her head.
"And he hasn't killed you for it?"
Beth shook her head again, chuckling.
"I think he likes you, Bethy,” Maggie said, placing a hand on her hip as she cocked it to the side, her stance asking Beth, Do I need to kick his ass?
A blush flourished from Beth's cheeks around her neck and up to her ears. She wanted to tell her sister everything, to share like she had about Woodbury, but she didn't need Maggie beating up Daryl, either.
"I think he's good for you, Beth. I see how you change around him. How he treats you. How his whole face softens at the sight of you. And when he helped you train back at the cabin. He's got your back. I think he'd jump in front of a bullet for you Beth."
"I know he would," Beth responded quietly, still shuffling her feet. "Hopefully he won't have to."
"Do you feel the same way about him?"
Beth finally met Maggie's eye. "Yes," she breathed. "Absolutely."
Smiling from ear to ear, proud of herself for so totally calling it, Maggie crossed her arms over her chest. "What are you going to do about it?"
"Well, we kissed earlier."
"What!" Maggie whisper-screamed, as most were asleep.
"It was amazing."
Maggie hugged her sister again, except this time it was a hug of celebration. "I'm so excited for you, Bethy. You've grown so much since we left the farm, and you deserve someone who treats you the way Daryl does."
"Thanks," Beth said, smiling. She'd never felt so close to her sister. It almost made her heart ache. "I like him so much, Maggie. I can't believe he feels the same way."
"Are you kidding?" Maggie stepped back once more. "He'd be crazy not to fall for you!"
"But I'm just, I don't know, I'm so much younger than he is, I guess. I never thought he would see me that way."
"We're literally fighting through the end of the world, Beth. Age doesn't matter anymore! At least, it isn't the same as it used to be. You aren't really 17. You're so mature because of what we've been through."
Beth nodded. "I guess you're right."
"I know I am. Now get some rest, Bethy. I'm sure Judy will be wanting you in a few hours."
Shaking her head and chuckling, Beth gave her sister one last hug and headed toward her cell. She still didn't feel much like sleeping as she sat on her bunk and looked around. She thought about reading the last few chapters of Brave New World, but as she fidgeted with her hands, she felt the spine of her old journal beneath her mattress.
It had been a few weeks since she'd cracked open the journal to check their progress. So she dove back into her past life. Reading her own words was strange, because they didn't quite feel like hers. She flipped through the pages without thinking about what was coming. The tear-stained page she barely remembered writing on through the fog of depression. Her dad was supposed to die soon, and her heart crushed itself against her rib cage. Her breath stopped in her throat. She couldn't keep the tears at bay this time. From zero to sixty, her body shook with violent sobs. What will it take to save her father? Is it even possible? Living through it once was hard enough, Beth wasn't sure she could physically do it again.
As she gasped for breath, Beth heard Daryl snoring from the other side of the cinderblock wall. She sat there, shaking and alone, and she couldn't imagine sitting there another minute when she could have Daryl's arms around her instead. Without thinking through the consequences, or stopping to wonder what Daryl might think of her actions, she found herself putting the journal away and walking into his cell.
Beth shook him gently awake and then stood back, not wanting to stumble upon a sleeping Daryl and just hope his quick reflexes wouldn't kick in. "Daryl," she whispered, her voice cracking.
His eyes fluttered open slowly, and Beth didn't really think he registered everything that was happening, but without speaking he shuffled closer to the wall and lifted his blanket up for her to crawl underneath.
She slipped into the space he'd made for her, and Daryl sighed contently as he pulled her into his blanket cocoon, unsure of why she was there in the first place.
Beth nestled against his chest and took a shaky breath. Daryl’s body fit perfectly around her, like the final few pieces of a puzzle you’ve been trying to solve for weeks. She could feel his heart beating against her cheek as a pool of tears soaked through his shirt.
Adjusting, Daryl looked down at Beth to find her face pressed flat against him, her fingers curled around the sleeve of his shirt. He rubbed his fingertips lightly over her back, which jerked with a silent sob and confirmed his suspicions. Daryl wasn’t exactly a wordsmith, so he hugged her closer and buried his face in the ponytail that sat on top of her head, breathing her in and placing a gentle kiss to her temple. As he slowly fell back to sleep, Daryl only hoped he was providing the comfort she needed to get some rest herself.
Beth closed her eyes and squeezed the man to make sure he was really there. It still didn’t feel real, that he saw her as anything other than another dead girl. She remembered Daryl bringing up a dog. While she second guessed herself for assuming he too had some sort of memory of the first time they went through this, Beth couldn’t help but hope that he did. He must’ve, or they wouldn’t have gravitated toward each other so quickly this time around, right? She knew if there was any way of saving her father, it would be with Daryl by her side. So she swore to herself that she would share with him what she knew, even if it made her sound crazy. But as safe as she felt in his arms, Beth still cried herself to sleep worrying about whether saving Hershel was even possible.