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For as long as I can remember, I'm not sure there has been a single moment in which I've been treated like an adult.
At this point, I'm used to it. And I really don't mind it that much. As long as I put a smile on everyone's faces every day, what more can I ask for?
I've always believed it's best to strive only for goals that are attainable. Of course, it was alright to indulge, now and then, in dreams... but why waste every day hoping for something that may never happen, building those empty dreams that may never come to fruition, when we have so much to be grateful for right where we are?
I never say this, of course. I wouldn't want anyone upset by those dreams they cling to being threatened, and they'd likely shrug me off, anyway.
How could someone as young as me understand what it was like to suffer, to feel this crowded world closing in?
I'm not that young, I'd want to tell them. I understand your struggles, but I see past them. But would I be lying, claiming that? Even the children themselves can't tell me apart from one of them.
I can't blame people for seeing what's right there. I like head-pats, lollipops, snow angels, and children's books. I laugh and play and scream. I don't feel the crushing weight of responsibility on my shoulders-- my brother takes care of nearly everything, so how could I?
Respect, recognition-- I guess I've always gotten the latter, at least. In the sort of affectionate way a child is recognized for putting their very best into a crayon drawing. People walk over the results of my puzzle upkeep every day, taken for granted. I'm not sure anyone ever thought about how careful you have to be, painting a rope bridge. Making sure you managed to paint, seal, and dry the entire thing in perfect detail, all before any parents of the woodland teens showed up needing to cross to deliver lunches.
Respect...
Despite holding strong to such a firm belief in achievable goals, I set my sights on the Royal Guard. A place for heroes, where I could shine brightest. Where my qualities would be recontextualized as actively kind and uplifting, a pillar of support. Where I could be recognized for holding strong, and given the opportunity to help more people. Popularity.
Innocent and nice. Undyne was just stating what she saw. I can't blame her for seeing what I didn't, despite a thousand opportunities.
I guess I was never cut out for heroics.
Respect was never really in the cards, for me.