Chapter Text
All the colours of the sunset flashed around him.
“Stede?”
Suddenly his heart was sinking in his chest, worse than the first time he got caught in a storm and all his books fell and he threw up overboard.
“Stede! Are you okay?”
He was most definitely not okay, and actually quite close to passing out. The warm breeze blowing in the sails was turning into a whirlwind, the creaks of the ship and the sound of waves crashing on the hull were getting distant. Even his vision was getting blurry, except for a single spot in front of him. The ring that Ed was holding out, his hands starting to shake as he waited on one knee, anxiously looking up.
Stede knew he had to say something. Had to answer. He couldn’t leave Ed waiting like this. He opened his mouth, but his tongue froze before it could move, his throat tightened so the sound wouldn’t get through. The panic was becoming unbearable. So he did what he’d always done best. What he’d done with Mary, with his children, with his father, his estate, and hell, even with Ed, though that was his greatest regret.
He ran away.
In hindsight, he should have seen it coming. It’d been years since he and Ed had gotten back together, and, despite his fears – and Izzy’s threats – they had never left each other’s side since then. They shared everything: treasure, ship, crew, secrets, and, eventually, even a bed.
But maybe that was why the proposal had left him so speechless. He thought they didn’t need that. They already had everything, and each other. Why would they force each other into a union that didn’t even mean anything to anyone outside their ship? If they died, they would die together; there would be no need for a will. And they already shared their things, from small bits of fabric to barrels of spices. A matelotage frankly sounded like overkill.
Stede rolled around on the couch. He hoped Ed wouldn’t come in, though he had every right to, since it was his cabin too, now. He didn’t want him to see him in that state, crying and heaving, struggling to even breathe. And, most of all, he didn’t want to have to explain himself, because he didn’t understand either. Why was he so shaken by this? Overkill, maybe, but certainly not unreasonable or unexpected. Ed’s proposal was a very common one amongst pirates, or men who wanted a companion on the sea in general.
But Ed hadn’t just asked for a civil union making sure they shared resources, did he? There was more to it. He’d felt it, with the tingle in his spine when he saw Ed’s long hair blowing in the wind as he got down on one knee. He was wearing his favorite shirt, a purple one, and the fabric was shining under the last rays of the sun. He was… he was beautiful. Perfect. A love Stede wouldn’t have dared to even hope for a few years ago. And by the way his eyes glistened, Stede could tell he was actually asking to marry him.
Well, the eyes and the beautiful golden ring, sure.
So why didn’t he say yes?
It would’ve been easy. Should’ve been easy. Probably wouldn’t have changed much, all things considered. There would be a nice ceremony where they would profess their undying love to each other…
Till death do us part.
… and then everything would go back to normal. What was wrong with him? Why did he always ruin beautiful things? Ed was probably heartbroken – he should have just thrown him overboard for not saying yes the instant he put a knee down. Ed would never want anything to do with him again. Four years of sailing together and he couldn’t even say he loved him, say he wanted Ed to be able to keep his things when he died? Say he wanted to be his… his mate? He already was. This was just an occasion to party and drink ang get some…
Wedding presents! Congratulations, captains.
Buried with him. Two twin graves at the bottom of the sea.
Stede couldn’t bring himself to go out, and couldn’t sleep either, restless. He mostly stared at the dark waters around him and at the door, not knowing if he was most afraid of Ed coming back or not coming back.
In hindsight, he should have seen it coming. Things with Stede were good – really fucking great, even, and when he thought about that desperate, heart-broken version of himself staring at the pink morning sky, he just wanted to go back in time and tell him that all this pain would be worth it, because he would get the guy, would eventually live his life with the man he loved.
But evidently, happiness had blinded him. Things were good, they were happy, they were (or so he hoped) in love; but still, he asked too much. He always fucking did. Always was too wrapped up in his own desires and fears to realize what people really thought of him.
Of course, they didn’t really need this. They already did pretty much all a matelotage entailed, and a lot more things it didn’t. So he wasn’t too bummed about that. He didn’t really think the crew would object to them sharing their loot, even after one of them died. Except maybe Izzy, but no written statement would change that, even if God incarnate came down from a cloud to set it in stone in front of him.
No, it wasn’t the contract he was bummed about. He just wanted something public. Something in front of the whole crew, the only ones that mattered. A party or something, sure, and wedding gifts, why not. Actually, when Stede got him that nice red silk piece to replace the one he, er, lost at sea, he thought it was a sign from destiny, or, even better, a sign from Stede, who wanted this but waited for him to propose. So he stole a ring when Stede wasn’t looking (which was basically at any point) during a raid months ago. He was waiting for the right moment, and – fucking idiot that he was – he thought it had come. The sky was beautiful that evening, the setting sun painting it infinite shades of pink and red. It was just like the day Stede left; he thought that would be a nice touch, a nice way to fix the ache in his heart that still tried to convince him Stede would leave him eventually. Anyway, he thought it would be romantic. Poetic, even. Stede loved that.
Apparently not that much.
Yeah, well, wasn’t his fault he was terrible at understanding what went down in that strange little man’s head. Of course, that’s what he loved about him – he was never bored anymore. But sometimes, it was really fucking annoying, too.He shivered. The night had definitely come, and a fog was setting down around them.
Yeah. He was just slightly annoyed. Nothing too bad. It was okay if Stede wasn’t ready for this – because that’s what it meant, right? That Stede simply wasn’t ready for this next step, and not that he thought it was altogether ridiculous? Ridiculous for him to marry – or, well, to be mates, anyway, was basically the same, not like words mattered to him – a pirate like him?
He shivered a little. The night had definitely come, and a fog was setting down around them. He needed to stop his heart from racing like that. He stared at the golden ring one last time, as he started to feel a tear roll down his cheek. Years ago, he would have drowned his sorrows in alcohol and torture. Now… well, torture was out of the question for sure, but he still had a bottle of brandy in his cabin. Problem was, that’s also where Stede was, and he didn’t know what to do around him anymore. So he just wrapped the ring in the red cloth and decided to put it away somewhere he could forget about it for now. It reminded him too much of – of everything the fearsome Blackbeard was afraid of. Love. Loss. Anger.
He was too caught up in these emotions to realize someone, under the cover of the fog, was creeping behind him. Raising his hand and striking the back of his head with the hilt of a knife.
In the morning, Stede and the crew would find no trace of Edward on deck. Only a little piece of red silk that had been held down, all night long despite the winds, with a heavy golden ring.