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Warm weather always brought nostalgia, and you couldn’t think of summer without thinking of Jeremiah. Actually, there were a lot of thoughts that led you back to him.
You hadn’t expected him to have this hold on you. But this beach day with your friends was unfolding feelings you had been trying so hard to cover up. Once the picnic was laid out, you were a goner. It was like your hand had a mind of its own: unthinkingly, you reached for the brightest, dewiest strawberry in the bunch and bit into it delicately. The flavor exploded on your tongue and it was just too much.
It was bittersweet, this feeling. The two of you could have been perfect if there was no end. Not in the way that you continued to see each other and inevitably ruined the relationship somewhere down the line, but if you could have just lived in that one summer, September 1st always the looming deadline but never actually approaching.
You inhaled deeply, letting the salty-sweet air fill your lungs, and your eyes drifted closed. Sitting here, with the fine sand coating your legs and the blood of berries staining your lips, you could almost imagine you were back with him.
−
Remember when we first met?
It had been a Thursday at the very beginning of summer when you met Jeremiah.
“No, this one.” Nicole insisted, handing you a shirt pulled from her own drawer.
“What’s wrong with mine?” You asked, watching yourself pluck at the fabric in her mirror.
She gave you an exaggerated look. “I told you, the boys here are so cute. If you want to snatch one up, you’ve gotta do it early! And you can’t make an impression in…that.”
You rolled your eyes, but obediently stripped off your top and pulled on hers. You had to admit, the color was striking on you, especially with the eyeliner Nicole had applied to brighten your eyes. “Thanks,” you said in defeat. “But for the record, I’m not looking for a relationship.”
Nicole laughed. “That’s fine. Just don’t be surprised if you change your mind when we get there.”
You hadn’t expected to prove her right, but Nicole disappeared soon after arriving to find her own prospects, and so you armed yourself with a drink and prepared to mingle. You’d barely made a full lap around the bonfire when a boy stepped directly into your line of vision.
A cigarette trailing smoke hung loosely from his fingers as he spoke animatedly to the boy by his side. You could already tell his energy was contagious; his open-mouthed smile, crinkled nose, and twinkling eyes had your veins buzzing with electricity. You didn’t believe in seeing auras, but you would have sworn that he was outlined in pure sunlight against the midnight sky.
He was instantly mesmerizing. But most importantly, he was not paying attention, and he halted dead in his track mere inches before running into you.
“Oh!” He gasped, a hand grabbing his friend’s wrist to stop them both. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know how I could have missed you standing there.”
“All good,” you managed, flushing under the intensity of his gaze. “Hard to spot a singular girl wandering around in the dark by herself.”
“You are definitely not hard to spot.” His eyebrows raised slightly but he continued to hold your eye contact. Out of your periphery, you saw his friend smirk. “I’m Jeremiah.”
Jeremiah. You didn’t know what to expect, but you wouldn’t have guessed this. It seemed too common a name, too…earthly, for someone this beautiful.
“And I’m Steven.” The friend chimed in. “But I actually just saw my girlfriend, so I’m gonna go catch up with her.”
You barely had time to introduce yourself in return before Steven was gone. For a moment, you and Jeremiah were both silent, but it wasn’t nearly as awkward as you would have imagined. It almost felt comfortable, and so it seemed right when he swept you into a leisurely stroll across the sand.
The conversation came quite easily. Jeremiah told you about his summers in Cousins while you explained this was your first visit to see your friend. He pointed out each friend and family member at the bonfire, introducing you when any approached. You learned about his lifeguarding job and his life in Boston, and in return, you told him everything about yourself. It was without a doubt the quickest you had ever gotten to know somebody.
A natural lull had finally emerged, and your heart pounded as Jeremiah slowed and turned to face you. Was he going to kiss you? Did you want him to kiss you? Yes, of course. The answer was obviously a resounding yes. You let your gaze fall from his eyes to parted lips. And then you heard the sirens.
“Come on, let’s go!” He whisper-shouted. You barely had a chance to process before he was grasping your hand and pulling you down the beach with him. It was frenzied and chaotic as all the underage partiers ran from the cops, but his hand in yours was oddly grounding.
After a moment of running, he led you up the beach to a parking lot and towards a red Jeep. “Whew,” he said. “I didn’t know if we would make it.” His eyes gleamed with laughter, and his hand lightly squeezed yours.
“Thank god for your quick thinking.” You said. “Or quick movement, I guess.” You groaned internally. Quick movement? Could you sound any lamer? But Jeremiah didn’t seem to care, a smile playing on his lips as he patted down his pants pockets, one, then the other. The smile dissolved as he repeated the motion.
“Oh, no.” He said. You tried not to be too disappointed when he withdrew his hand to search both pockets, but the bigger problem was clear when he came up empty-handed. “Fuck.” He groaned, slapping a palm to his forehead. “I must’ve dropped the keys somewhere on the beach. We’ll have to wait a while before we can go back and look for them.” He sighed. “I can walk you back to Nicole’s if you want? Or I guess you can call her to pick you up.”
You only considered it for a moment. “Actually, I think I’d rather stay here with you.” Your heart skipped a beat at the way he tried to conceal his happiness.
“I’d like that.”
There was no question of how to spend the time. The air was thick with humidity and tension, and you were sure that Jeremiah could feel the ground trembling in sync with your frantic pulse. But the anxiety and the distant sirens all fell away when his lips met yours.
Remember when you taught me fate?
It happened so naturally. If you were on the outside looking in, watching a friend pour herself into a boy she'd just met, you'd worry for her emotions and her sanitary. But nobody else could understand what it felt like to be with Jeremiah. If they did, then they'd get it.
The morning after the bonfire, you woke feeling giddy. You and Jeremiah had kissed urgently as the moon traversed the night sky, until you could no longer fight the sleepiness in your limbs. The keys, it turned out, weren’t far behind, but neither of you were complaining about how it had turned out. When you finally glanced at your phone, you winced to see a litany of missed calls and texts from Nicole. But she was asleep when you crept in and gone by the time you woke up.
You were in contact with Jeremiah all day, trading funny stories and quotes from the people around you and selfies. When a photo came in of Jeremiah shirtless, bronzed muscles on display, teeth stark against his complexion, you had to bite your lip to prevent your wide smile from hurting your cheeks.
The days flowed together as the two of you became closer. Nicole had listed you as a guest of the club, which you used to visit Jeremiah when he was working during the days. But once his shift ended, he was all yours, and he was determined to show you all of the best places around town.
In a matter of weeks, you had seen every beach and bike trail, a community garden, the bowling alley and movie theater, the closest carnival, and more. But this evening was your favorite yet.
Jeremiah was already on the boat when you arrived at the dock. “Permission aboard?” You asked.
With an outstretched hand, he helped you step up. “Permission granted.” Once your feet hit the floor, he greeted you with a sweet kiss. “I’m so happy you’re here,” he murmured.
“Not as happy as I am.” You punctuated the sentiment with another kiss, and then you were off. You sailed calmly across the bay, reveling in the light breeze and late-afternoon sunshine. After an hour or so, Jeremiah surprised you by pulling out a cooler.
“Ta-da!” He said, pulling back the lid.
“Oh, you are too sweet.” You smiled, scrunching your hand into his curls. The picnic was sweeter: strawberries and watermelon, cheese and crackers, fudgy brownies, and a bottle of wine. The sounds of chewing interspersed your conversation until all that remained of your feast was a sip of wine and a single strawberry. Jeremiah plucked it up and twirled it between you.
“For you,” he insisted, and you opened your mouth obligingly.
His eyes were intent on yours as he placed the berry on your tongue. You deliberately wrapped your lips slowly around the edges and bit softly through the flesh, allowing a dribble of juice to run from the corner of your mouth. Jeremiah exhaled lowly as you swallowed, and even as he moved to drop the stem, you didn’t pull away.
He raised a hand to cup your face, thumb tracing the outline of your lips until he caught the droplet. Then, slowly, he dragged the finger over your bottom lip, tugging just slightly until you opened your mouth and licked the juice off his thumb.
One of you gulped audibly, you weren’t sure who, but it didn’t matter because within seconds your tongue was slipping into his mouth and your clothes were coming off and it was everything you could have wished for.
Afterwards, as you lay side by side, Jeremiah said, “I feel like this was meant to happen.” His hand was untwined with both of yours, settled on your stomach, and you stroked his thumb. “Like we were supposed to meet. Don’t you think?”
It was like Jeremiah had finally given a name to the feeling that had been consuming you for two months now. Your body felt light and electric, like there was nothing to think or feel except for what was happening right now. “Yeah,” you said, spellbound. “I think I do.”
Jeremiah nudged his chin forward to kiss the top of your shoulder. “Do you believe in fate?” He whispered.
Before this summer, you would’ve laughed. You would’ve said no, and poked fun at him for his dreaminess and romanticism and naivety. But now you felt inspired by his optimism. You felt as though as there was a whole world in front of you that you had never been able to see before. You tilted your face towards him, so that the tips of your noses brushed together. “I do now.”
I can’t shake my hunger for you.
It was the last week of August. You had 3 days left in Cousins, but you and Jeremiah studiously avoided the topic. Without addressing it, you both knew that when the summer ended, so would you.
The summer had been perfect, and in some ways, that was the problem. It was a catch-22: you wished you could have more, yet you were simultaneously grateful that leaving Jeremiah behind meant that you could think of him fondly, without the haze of heartbreak.
So though it hurt, though you had built something new and wondrous and life-changing with him, you knew that it was the right decision. And no matter how difficult it may prove to be, you would stick to it.
The goodbye was only the second-hardest part. You had to leave early to make it home, and so you met Jeremiah at dawn. There was no time or energy to get dressed up, but when Jeremiah caught glance of you in the gray light, you still took his breath away. Wordlessly, you locked hands and began to walk slowly down the road. You simply wanted to soak in the time you had left.
When it was time to return to Nicole's to pack, you kissed Jeremiah slowly, but you pulled away before the temptation to wrap yourself up in him overpowered you. If you could have memorized all of him, you would have: the long lines of his body and glow of his skin, the bounce of his hair and intensity of his eyes, the peal of his laughter and fervor of his groans. But honestly, you didn't think you could forget any of it if you tried.
There was almost nothing to say that you hadn't already told him, and certainly nothing that could convey the magnitude of his meaning in your life. You knew, innately, that he felt the same. So you straightened your back, squeezed his hand one last time, and whispered, "Thank you. For everything."
And before anything could ruin this, before you started crying or he begged you to stay, you dropped his hand and walked away. You held it together all the way back to Nicole's, and through your travels, and as you regaled stories of your summer. But the hardest part came a week later, when you had settled back into your routine of school, friends, and extracurriculars.
You were always checking your phone for a name that never appeared, and finally, Jeremiah's absence became suddenly, clearly, real. A piece of you was missing, a piece you could never get back, and you just had to learn to live with it. God knows you were still learning.
−
The shrieks of your friends shocked you back to reality: you were on the beach, yes, but not in Cousins. There were no sticky-sweet frozen drinks coating your tongue, no wispy scents of smoke and sweat, no earnest hands holding yours. There was no Jeremiah.
The sun had set fully now, and a chill crept had crept into the air, ghosting your skin and alighting goosebumps down your arms. You gazed out into the distance, trying unsuccessfully to locate in the blackness the line where sea met sky. This focus clarified it into the front of your mind: all you had now were these golden memories to keep you warm.