Chapter Text
==> Be the younger coolkid.
Ever since Dave had called Bro out on banging some chick every night, he’d stopped going out so much. Dave wasn’t sure whether he was doing it in response to anything he had said or not; all he knew was that he liked having Bro around, and it helped with the loneliness he felt from the absence of John in his life.
John. Fucking derpable Egbert still held his heart in his grasp like a vice. Hanging out with him had become so miserable and awkward that Dave had stopped inviting John over, and John hadn't done anything to invite him in return, so they actually hadn't seen each other outside of school in quite awhile. And it fucking sucked.
So that night when Bro had stayed home to watch that movie with him, Dave had been more grateful than he'd ever let on. Any kind of company or distraction was better than sitting in his room by himself, with Rose trying to psychoanalyze him out of his depression and Jade trying to cheer him up, and his pester box with John saying nothing more than a few lines talking about some game or some other unimportant, irrelevant shit.
But the fact that Bro was hanging around to specifically spend time with him, Dave, was not a thing that had crossed his mind whatsoever. Bro was not interested in Dave like that. Dave was not a person to Bro; he was just his annoying responsibility that he sort of cared about on most days, a thing in his way that kept him from getting laid as much as possible.
Or at least, that was how Dave used to think about him. Lately, Bro actually seemed interested in Dave, or at least he wasn't as interested in ditching him as much as usual. Still, one night when they both happened to be in the kitchen together, it surprised the fuck out of Dave when Bro said,
"So you still friends with John, or what?"
Dave froze. What the fuck? Bro had...actually noticed that John hadn't been around? Like, he was actually paying that much attention to Dave's life? What the hell did that mean? Was this a test? A prank? Was Bro that fucking bored?
Bro looked at Dave over the tops of his glasses- a thing he only did on very rare occasions. It was almost akin to a facial expression, and it meant "I'm being totally, completely serious, no bullshit."
"Out with it," Bro prodded. Dave stalled by chewing. What the hell was he supposed to say? How the hell could he explain a story as complicated and fucked up as why John wasn't over to a person that, before this moment, he hadn't even been sure knew John's first name?
"It's complicated," Dave said. He immediately saw that answer wasn't going to fly.
"That only means it’s extremely simple and you just don't want to say it."
Fuck you, Bro. Fine. Want the truth? Then deal with this shit.
"Bro I'm gay," Dave spat.
No reaction. None. Of course. What did Dave expect? This was fucking Bro he was talking to.
"So how's that relate to John?"
Dammit.
"He isn't."
There. All Dave's pain erupted to the surface, as Bro fucking reminded him of the gaping hole in his damn heart. Thanks, Bro, now I have to think about this shit all fucking night again.
"He might change his mind about that. He's young, stupid, and John," Bro said. Dave stared at the table. Was Bro trying to make him feel better? The hell was going on?
"He deserves better than me," Dave replied, disgusted at the sadness that he was unable to keep from showing in his voice.
It was true. John was sweet and gentle and lived with his heart on his sleeve. He'd want romance and long walks in parks and to gaze at stars and shit, and Dave could never give him that kind of happiness, and he knew it. Not that John would want that kind of stuff from Dave, anyway.
"Bullshit," Bro said. His strong voice pulled Dave out of the misery he'd been wallowing in. "You're the best thing a dork like John could ever hope for."
He knew Bro was trying to compliment him- but it wasn't helping. Dave snorted. "You'd think."
"I mean, who in hell passes up a chance to be with a Strider? Only the King of Dork is capable of that shit."
Okay, so Bro actually was trying to be nice for a change. Like, actually trying. Normally Dave would have blown off his older brother's half-ass attempt at comforting him, but right now he was so miserable that he actually welcomed the gesture. He might have even smiled a tiny bit.
"Yeah, all I gotta do is just woo his heart a little harder, lay down some sick beats all over that sucker until he realizes how hot being with me fucking is."
"Maybe watch some of those movies you hate with him, you know, as an excuse to be together. Maybe school him in irony some."
Okay, Bro was definitely joking around now, and it made Dave's heart feel a little lighter.
"Yeah, and then when he least suspects it I'll put on my smooth moves, and before he knows it boom there's my arm around his shoulder."
"...And there's his sweet little head leaning on you as he sighs like a fairy princess in love..."
"...And I'll capture him with my gorgeous dazzling eyes and say cheesy shitty lines from the movie..."
"...and just at the most un-ironic moment ever, you lay the patented Strider kiss on him, and he's yours to ride into the fucking sunset."
Dave couldn't help it; he laughed. There was nobody in the fucking world who could make him laugh the way Bro did. He had an Olympic gold sense of humor compared to the rest of humanity, his perfect mixes of irony and plays-on-words and sly references to shit as beautiful as his beats. Being with him like this, like bros, had Dave feeling good again. Comfortable, even. So comfortable that he didn't think about the next thing he said as much as he probably should have.
"I don't know how to give a fucking kiss," he confessed, hoping his brother wouldn't rag on him too much for it; after all, he was only thirteen, he still had plenty of time.
"I could teach you," Bro said.
"What, start bringing your lays here and making out with them in front of me?"
The idea made Dave slightly nauseous.
"Nah, I'll just kiss you now and you'll learn from that. By the time you get to Egbert, you'll be impossible for him to resist."
What?
Bro? Kiss him? Kiss...Dave?
Dave stared at Bro across the table. Something about the way he'd said it- something in his voice, something on his face, Dave didn't even know- told Dave that he was not joking. He was actually offering this. Was it for irony? Dave couldn't see how. Well, it was kinda weird, kinda unexpected, but it wasn't Bro's usual style. It wasn't funny, it didn't make fun of anyone or point out the flaws of anything. It was just face-value, here-I-am-offering-to-kiss-you, under one pretty weak guise of "to teach you shit." Dave stared. What the hell was going on?
There was only one way to find out.
He nodded curtly, not wanting to give away his complete and utter confusion.
"Yeah, okay."
Bro uncrossed his arms and walked over to him, his mannerisms completely, totally serious. Dave thought he even saw a slight flush in his cheeks, but hell that was probably just his imagination. Dave rose out of his chair and Bro stopped directly in front of him, serious as fuck. He lifted his finger and put it under Dave's chin like Dave was some chick, and his touch was warm and...gentle. Dave felt...weird. As in, he didn't feel nervous, he wasn't on guard; he knew for certain that a katana or smuppet wasn't about to come flying out of somewhere to assault him. He felt...safe.
Bro leaned down and pressed his lips against Dave's. They were warm. His breath was hot as it came out of his nose. Dave didn't feel anything; in fact he was starting to wonder what in hell about this made people go so crazy over it and then Bro parted his lips slightly and sucked Dave's bottom lip in between them. It felt good.
"Mmmph," Dave said, surprised at his own reaction. Bro's lips. Soft. Warm. Then Bro ran his tongue along Dave's lip, and holy shit, it felt fucking good. Dave heard himself groan. His cheeks flushed from embarrassment. No doubt Bro was going to make fun of him for that; he could just imagine the intense ragging he was going to receive for moaning like some chick while his fucking brother laid some smacks on him.
Then Dave looked at Bro's face. And holy shit, it was flushed. Was Bro...hot for him?
Dave’s heart started to beat a little faster at the idea. No, no way. There was no fucking way Bro was hot for him. That would be fucked up. That would be too weird. That would be…..too much to hope for. Dave’s cheeks suddenly burned as he realized that he secretly wished Bro was hot for him. Bro was a fucking sexy dude; Dave had always thought so, but he’d never let the thought go beyond that before. It was too weird and too impossible of an idea. They were fucking brothers.
And they were fucking kissing.
Bro pulled back and Dave saw the redness in Bro's ears. He felt the redness in his own.
"Wow," he said, forgetting to watch his words. His guard was completely down. If Bro wanted to topple him over, now would be the perfect time; it would take only the slightest nudge.
"That's why it's patented," Bro said. His voice was as steady as ever- and yet, it wasn't. The usual edge that was always there, always always there, was missing. "And why it has the name Strider attached to it."
Dave stared. Bro was turned on. He was definitely fucking turned on, and Dave was fucking liking it. Holy shit, holy shit.
"So, are you schooled in the ways of kissing, now?"
Holy shit, Bro was asking for another fucking kiss. Holy shit. Dave's mind was reeling. This was fucking real. Bro fucking wanted to kiss him. And Dave...Dave liked the idea. He definitely wanted a second kiss.
"No," he said. "You'd better school me again."
Bro practically lunged at Dave, grabbing the sides of his face with both of his palms firmly, and Dave's heart raced as he fully grasped the realness of this situation. Bro leaned down and kissed him, and Dave realized a ton of shit at once. One, Bro had been holding back on the first kiss, two, Bro definitely wanted him, and three...this felt fucking good.
Bro shoved his tongue deep into Dave's mouth. Dave couldn't help it. He groaned. He suddenly tasted Bro, felt his warmth, felt the heat coming off his body. He was close; he was wanting Dave. Holy shit, his tongue. It moved inside Dave's mouth, sliding along Dave's tongue, making Dave hot.
Dave raised his tongue back. Bro inhaled sharply through is nose, and then Dave was sure. Bro wanted him. Bro was hot for him. Dave's heart beat faster. This was fucked up, and he didn’t even care. He just cared that Bro was kissing him, holding him, oh wow it felt so good, he smelled so good, so close.
Bro pulled back and Dave was left breathless. His cheeks burned and he knew his poker face was ruined. So was Bro’s. For the first time in forever, maybe even years, Dave felt like he could see Bro. His mask was gone. He was showing how he really felt. And Dave…liked it. Bro wanting him felt good. Damn, he was hot. All of a sudden, he had every bit of Dave’s attention, and John Egbert was the last thing on Dave’s mind.
Bro wasn’t saying anything. As the heat from the kiss started to wear off, the reality of what was happening crept in on Dave’s mind. A weird, unpleasant kind of feeling crept up his skin. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This was like, incest, or something.
“We’re fucked up,” Dave said. He kept his eyes trained on Bro’s face, searching it for any kind of clue as to how he felt- but as the moment dragged on, he watched Bro’s expression go back to its usual stone nothingness.
“Is that a problem?” Bro asked. Dave heard his fear. Holy shit, it was plain as day. Bro was scared shitless.
“Is it a problem for you?” Dave asked back, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
“What I think doesn’t matter. This playing field is in the Guiness for ‘most unlevel of all time.’ They built the fucking stadium on the side of a fucking hill and nobody who has ever played your side ever wins.”
Holy shit, Bro was terrified. Dave had never seen him so afraid, and he was starting to see why. Bro had crossed the fucking line. The fucking line that you don’t fucking cross. The adult-putting-the-moves-on-a-kid line. He thought he was taking advantage of Dave somehow. Well, that was bullshit. Dave could take care of his fucking self. He didn’t need Bro to fucking protect him like he was some snot-nosed six-year-old afraid of the boogeyman.
What he needed was for his fucking brother to be around…and if Dave didn’t tell him, right fucking now, that he was hot for him, too, he’d lose him again. He’d flashstep back into oblivion and the light that was Bro would be gone out of Dave’s life again. Maybe forever this time. Fuck, that couldn’t happen. Fuck, he had to say something to keep Bro from leaving. Bro had to know Dave wanted him, too.
“I don’t think,” Dave said, choosing his words carefully, aware that if he said too much or too little this delicate thing would be over before it even went anywhere. “That we’re playing the same game you think we are,” he said.
“Doesn’t change anything.”
Dammit, Bro, why are you always so stubborn?
“It does,” Dave tried again. He had to convince Bro that this was okay, without breaking the careful balance of irony they’d built up around the situation. “…if I’m handing out tickets to the fucking game.”
If that didn’t make it clear that Dave wanted Bro too, then he didn’t know what would.
“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Bro said. Okay, he got it. And Dave could safely say that he’d never seen his older brother flip his shit like this before.
“Bro. Chill,” he said.
And Bro appeared to do just that. His face relaxed. He shrugged as if nothing had happened at all.
“Well, I have shit to do,” he said, walking towards the kitchen door. “And you have homework.”
He had just fucking kissed him, and how he was going to pull the parent card?
“Fuck, Bro. Seriously?”
“Seriously,” he said, looking at Dave over the top of his fucking sunglasses again, making his point very clear.
“Not a level playing field, little dude.”
Dave felt a chill run up his spine. Okay, so Bro was still acknowledging the thing that had happened. There was still a kiss that had occurred between them. But apparently, that wasn’t going to change anything much. Dave felt slightly disappointed.
Bro stopped and turned in the kitchen doorway.
“But I’m giving you a thing I never got,” he said, and Dave heard the pain in his voice. The sentence was a bit strange; it didn’t flow from the previous part of their conversation and Dave found himself trying to figure out what in hell Bro was talking about. A thing Bro never got when? As if Bro had ever been in the shoes Dave was in…oh. He had.
“What?” Dave asked, his voice weak and soft. Bro stepped closer to him again. This time, Dave’s heart raced as he realized the possibility that Bro’s intention of coming close might be to kiss him. Hell, he was hoping for that. Hell, it was happening.
Bro’s lips were there, he was kissing Dave again, and Dave allowed himself to moan again, to make it perfectly, absolutely clear that he liked this. That he wanted more of this.
Bro pulled back again, and this time he did nothing to hide the lust on his face. Dave couldn’t stop staring at it. He could hardly believe that Bro felt this way about him. He could hardly believe how much he liked it.
“I’m putting you in charge of ticket sales, little bro,” he said. “The minute you decide the game’s over, it’s over.”
Dave’s face contorted with confusion. Over? Why in hell would he want this to be over?
Before Dave could form any words, Bro turned and left, leaving him standing there in the kitchen alone, Bro’s drool still drying on his lips. He stared out at the empty doorway for a very long time, his mind trying to figure out what in hell was going on. Bro obviously wanted him. And it obviously meant something to him; those kisses had proven that. But Bro’s fear was clearly real.
For the zillionth time, Dave found himself wishing that he could just fucking talk to his brother, just fucking say what he wanted to say and have Bro fucking listen, without having to worry about levels of irony or coolness or whatever other ‘defensive mechanisms’, as Rose called them.
Dave wished, actually, that he could talk to Bro the way he could talk to John; just plainly say what he fucking meant, and nothing else.
“It’s fucking okay, Bro,” he said softly to the walls. “You can kiss me again. I fucking want it.”
But, if there was anyone in the world who could manage to tell Bro anything, it was Dave. Dave knew him well enough. He’d figure out a way. Somehow, he would tell his stubborn older brother that he thought he was the hottest thing on earth, and kissing him was just fine, and he could do it any time he wanted, screw how fucked up it was.