Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Shen Jiu was many things but he wasn’t kind.

Any accomplishments he has made in his life are overshadowed by the fact that he was cold and cruel, that he was a snake wearing human skin. But could he help it if the people around him failed to look past their prejudices? That his preference to be left alone is mistaken for coldness, that his honesty (while admittedly, rather cutting) is perceived as cruelty. Could he really be faulted by doing whatever it takes to ensure that no one would come between him and his goals? If it were any other man, they would probably be lauded for their tenacity. But because it was Shen Jiu, he must have done something underhanded.

Those who knew of him thought him to be a bitter, temperamental, and jaded man. Kind was the last thing anyone would dare associate him with.

(And how could he be kind? Growing up, he knew nothing but struggle, toil, and pain. The world has all but choked out every ounce of kindness he could possibly give. Besides, any goodwill he has shown others is often met with scrutiny or contempt. Because how on earth could Shen Jiu possibly be kind?

Those who were kind get trampled on. Those who are kind don’t survive-)

“Mama?”

Shen Jiu snapped out of his thoughts when he felt little hands gently tugging on the hem of his shirt. He looked down and was met with the sight of his son with his big guileless eyes and shy little smile, “Can A’Yuan have pancakes for breakfast?”

They will be having pancakes for breakfast.

It was a Saturday, his day off from work. And his little A’Yuan had been eagerly anticipating this day because Saturday meant that his mama stayed at home and that mama could spend the day with him and make him pancakes for breakfast.

So there the two of them were in their cramped kitchen, standing by the stove after preparing all the necessary ingredients. Shen Jiu helped A’Yuan don his kiddie apron to spare his sleep clothes from whatever stain might splatter onto it. He then instructed the boy to go fetch his stepping stool so that he could actually reach the pan. A’Yuan had designated himself the official pancake flipper, it is a job he takes very seriously. Shen Jiu decided to go a little extra on their otherwise simple breakfast fare that day by making the pancakes animal shaped. Needless to say, his son was ecstatic.

(“Mama, what animal is that supposed to be?”

“It’s a lion.”

A’Yuan scrunched his nose in the most adorable way, “Lions don’t look like that.”

And maybe they don’t. Not when Shen Jiu’s lion looked more like a scraggly cat than a majestic lion.

Shen Jiu huffed, amused, “Would A’Yuan like to try then?”

Never one to stand down from a challenge, his son. A’Yuan gleefully had a go at making his own animal shaped pancakes.

None of their pancakes ended up looking like animals at all - real or otherwise. But neither of them minded as they went through their lumpy and weirdly shaped pancakes contentedly.)

The day went on with Shen Jiu completely indulging A’Yuan’s every whim. Saturday was A’Yuan’s day and whatever A’Yuan wanted to do goes.

It was the very least Shen Jiu could do, he thinks, considering how little time he actually gets to spend with the boy as of late. Juggling two jobs leaves him coming home too tired, too drained, and A’Yuan - blessed child - understands and does not make a fuss and keeps quiet because he knows his mama is exhausted-

So Shen Jiu wants to make it up to him whenever he can.

His A’Yuan could ask him for anything and Shen Jiu would give it to him if he could. But Shen Yuan was very easy to please. He wanted nothing but to snuggle next to him on their bumpy couch and read books. When he grew tired of that, he wanted to color pictures so that they could later place it on their fridge which was already running out of room from all of the other drawings they had done together.

So that’s how they spent the day that was just like every other day but not. Because it was filled with his son’s wonderful peals of laughter and soft smiles.

“Did A’Yuan brush his teeth?”

“Mhm!”

“Did he put on his pajamas?”

“Yeah!,” the silly child even spun around to further emphasize his point. A’Yuan was wearing his favorite pair of puppy-themed pj’s, “I didn’t get stuck this time too.”

And how could Shen Jiu not be fond when A’Yuan was puffing up his chest so proudly at the feat he had done. Gently pinching the boy’s nose between his fingers earned him a delighted squeal, “Alright, alright. It’s time for you to go to bed.”

A’Yuan instinctively lifted his arms in a pick-me-up motion and Shen Jiu easily did so as per their nightly routine.

Once deposited onto his bed, Shen Jiu waited for his son to settle in before tucking him in snuggly under his blanket. He planted a kiss on A’Yuan’s forehead before switching off the light in his room.

“Good night, A’Yuan.”

“‘Night, mama.”

With that, it was Shen Jiu’s turn to get ready for bed.

Before A’Yuan came into his life, Shen Jiu had dreaded the thought of putting a child to bed. He had heard of horror stories about children who are absolute terrors during bedtime - the type who runs, plays, and hollers, waking up the entire neighborhood before they even remotely show signs of winding down. He knew he had lucked out with having such a calm and easy-going little boy who was content to be carried and to be kissed.

Their bedtime routine grounded him in ways he could not even begin to describe.

After picking up toys and crayons that A’Yuan had missed and then storing them away, Shen Jiu took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, and changed into an old shirt and cotton pants (The shirt had a large print emblazoned on the front which had long since faded. Shen Jiu was certain it was a logo of a rock band or some such. And the left pant leg of his sleepwear had a pin hole that was threatening to become larger if he did not do anything about it. But it was soft and comfortable and Shen Jiu was allowed such luxury in the confines of his own home. Because once he steps outside his house he would have to go back to pretending, and playing nice with others, and-).

He peered into his son’s room once more to check if he was asleep before heading to his own bedroom to turn in for the night.

Shen Jiu had just set his alarm for tomorrow morning and got onto his own bed when the sound of frantic footfalls reached his ears. Already, he was at high alert and his thoughts immediately went to the boy whose room was just at the other side of the narrow hall. He had all but jumped off of bed to go to A’Yuan when said boy tackled him into a tight embrace. Given his height, he could only reach his mama’s legs which made standing straight a bit difficult.

Shen Jiu’s mind was racing. From fright and from worry.

“A’Yuan, what’s wrong?” he asked gently as he tried to see if his son was hurt in any way, “What’s gotten into you, are you okay?”

When the child had finally peeled himself off of him, his brows furrowed in distress which caused Shen Jiu’s own anxiety to spike slightly, “A’Yuan almost forgot, mama!”

“What did you forget?”

At that, his boy wiggled and resumed his efforts at clinging onto his legs. Shen Yuan peered up at him whilst smiling oh so sweetly, “Forgot to say I love you and I had to say it before you went to sleep.”

Shen Jiu did not even need to think of a reply as he gathered his son into his arms and embraced him tightly.

He was not kind because the world had all but told him that he wasn’t. He knew with his whole heart that he loved the tiny person he was holding so much that it hurt.

“And mama loves A’Yuan too,” Shen Jiu replied almost reverently, “Mama loves A’Yuan so much.”

Shen Jiu knew he was not kind but Shen Jiu loved fiercely.