Chapter Text
“It has floor to ceiling windows.”
Kara nodded in what she hoped was an enthusiastic manner, throwing in an exuberant thumbs up for good measure. There were dozens of ways Kara had imagined spending her lunch hour, and she could safely say that this scenario had never crossed her mind. It wasn’t that she begrudged Lena’s obvious enthusiasm, not at all! In fact, it made her happier than she knew how to express when her girlfriend rambled on about whatever various gadget or idea had ensnared that brilliant mind of hers.
So, no. Kara absolutely did not have a problem with Lena excitedly showing her what was, for all intents and purposes, a random house. And okay, objectively the house was awesome and the floor to ceiling windows were cool enough, it was just… Lena had called her in the middle of her workday, asking to have lunch together.
Recently though, lunch had become a thinly veiled excuse to pick at their food for a couple of minutes before engaging in a heated, shameless makeout session.
And by recently, Kara meant every day for the last two and a half weeks.
It probably didn’t help that she was still a little wound up from a fight earlier that morning, and it certainly didn’t help that Lena had decided to wear a black, form fitting skirt with an emerald-colored blouse tucked pristinely under it. Said skirt only just reached the top of pale thighs and the blouse caused Lena’s already vibrant eyes to stand out even more, making them endless pools of sparkling, sea glass green.
In short, her girlfriend was painfully attractive, and Kara was having a hard time understanding why they were talking about architecture instead of kissing.
“—better qualities. Are you even listening?”
Kara blinked back to the present, looking up guiltily at Lena’s expectant gaze. “Absolutely! I was just thinking the same thing actually! About the um, the windows?” A sharp bite at the corner of her lip stopped the rest of the words dancing along her tongue and Kara exhaled nervously, hoping Lena wouldn’t notice the note of uncertainty in her answer.
Alas, her wish went decidedly ungranted as Lena smirked, leaning back against the solid glass frame of her desk with a curious tilt of her head. “Are you asking me or telling me?”
“Telling,” Kara answered firmly, maybe a bit too firmly when Lena’s smirk slipped into something softer, a sort of mildly exasperated fondness. “Asking?” This time her tone was far less confident, just a hair shy of sheepish. Lena melted from her position against the desk, making her way towards Kara with quick, decisive steps.
Lena closed the distance between their bodies swiftly, dropping onto the couch and into Kara’s open lap faster than the blonde could process. Despite the shock, Kara’s arms automatically wrapped around her girlfriend’s waist as said girlfriend wiggled and adjusted until she was apparently comfortable. “I just realized I forgot to congratulate you. I saw your fight this morning, it was impressive how quickly you took him down.”
“Thanks…” Kara murmured distractedly, still reeling the slightest bit from the rapid change of conversation and the warm weight now resting firmly in her lap. “I thought we were… the house? With the windows?”
Another kind smile, this one a bit more knowing. “You were distracted.”
Kara bit her lip again, not missing the way Lena’s gaze dropped to study the move with unmistakable interest. “You are distracting. With your whole—” she gestured vaguely to Lena’s entire being, feeling slightly flustered as the other woman immediately perked up against her, grinning somewhat smugly. “—everything.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Of course it does!” Kara protested, experiencing a bizarre sort of defensiveness on Lena’s behalf. “You are like—breathtakingly beautiful, Lena. I sometimes can’t think when you’re around and when you smile… Forget about it! Honestly, I should be getting serious brownie points here for only getting distracted. If you really think about it—”
Truth be told, Kara could have gone on for hours about Lena’s multitude of positive attributes. Days even, probably. So, when her girlfriend chose to interrupt what would have turned into an endless tirade of positivity with an open-mouthed kiss, Kara was grateful on more than one account. And then she promptly stopped thinking, focusing instead on the velvet of Lena’s tongue brushing against her own, the heat simmering and building between the two of them as the raven-haired woman pressed harder against her torso in a blatant attempt to get closer.
“Smooth talker,” Lena panted after breaking the kiss with a sharp inhale, seamlessly shifting down to start kissing along Kara’s jaw. “Sometimes I forget just how unintentionally charming you can be.”
“I was just telling the truth,” Kara pointed out, her breath catching when Lena’s lips grazed a particularly sensitive spot. Under the pleasant full body shivers Lena’s burning kisses were inspiring, there was a quiet, niggling bit of guilt that refused to be dismissed. “But um—the house. Windows. I can listen.”
“Hence the unintentional, love.” Pale fingers fiddled absently with the top button of Kara’s work shirt, tugging gently at it until the plastic slid obediently through the fastening. Lena licked her lips distractedly, eyes glazing over slightly. “And I think I’m done talking for now. Truth be told, you’re not the only one who’s a bit distracted. Did I already tell you how impressive I found your save this morning?”
“You might have mentioned that, yes.”
Lena nodded sagely, a look that might have had more weight behind it had she not promptly popped open a second button before coyly tapping against the third. “Good, that’s good. What about how unbearably hot it was? How unbelievably sexy I found it when you held him down with the tip of your boot? Or how that smug smirk you were sporting made me think very not PG thoughts? “
Kara’s breath whooshed out of her in a half-stifled wheeze, mind once again going blank as she pulled Lena closer and pressed their lips together in a kiss that was deep from the start. Lena responded just as eagerly, making quiet sounds of pleasure in the back of her throat that drove Kara crazy with want.
They stayed tangled together long past their lunch hour, the open real estate magazine lying harmlessly on the coffee table across from them and Kara’s temporary guilt both forgotten.
Kara loved Lena.
Truly, she did. Sometimes she could just look at her girlfriend and she would get hit with a wave of adoration that was so intense it was almost frightening. She wondered if this is what love was meant to feel like all along, the entirety of her heart living in someone else’s chest. If everyone who found their person, their perfect partner at game night, could look into a pair of eyes and build a future within their depths.
Kara loved Lena; more than she knew she was capable of loving another person.
However, that did not mean she always understood her.
“It looks… nice?” Nia offered, squinting slightly as she tilted her head to get a better look. Kara nodded mutely, staring intently at her phone screen and more importantly—the picture of a cottage Lena had sent with absolutely no context. “I mean, personally it’s a little bit too rustic for my taste but you never know! The inside could be like, decked out. I’m talking an open plan kitchen with an island and everything. Oh! A jacuzzi tub too, maybe? I mean, we all know Lena likes her things.”
“Maybe,” Kara replied noncommittally, opening her hand in a silent request for her phone back. After another hesitant moment of staring unsurely at the screen, she typed out a careful reply.
{Kara 1:57 PM} Looks great!
Lena’s reply was nearly instant, so much so that even Nia’s eyebrows raised in slight surprise.
{Lena 1:57 PM} Yeah? Do you like it?
Kara blinked helplessly down at the screen, unsure how to respond. It was obvious that this was important to Lena, and Kara didn’t want to risk upsetting her girlfriend by not reacting the right way. Lena had been too busy with the Foundation for them to have “lunch” together every day, and after their last one—when the raven-haired woman had whipped out a real estate magazine and presented it to a thoroughly befuddled Kara—there had been a sort of melancholy glint in those green eyes Kara loved so much. Somehow, she’d messed up and Kara was determined not to make the same mistake now. “Maybe she’s thinking of branching into real estate?”
Nia pursed her lips in obvious thought for a moment before shrugging. “Could be. I mean, it’s Lena. Anything’s possible, y’know? That woman is incapable of giving herself a break.”
“True,” Kara breathed out, taking a fortifying sip of hot chocolate before braving a response.
{Kara 1:59 PM} Yeah! It’s nice! I mean, I’d definitely buy from you.
{Kara 1:59 PM} I’d buy anything from you, honestly. I might be a bit biased though.
Lena’s response didn’t come instantly this time. Kara spent an anxious five minutes practically vibrating, watching as three dots bounced cheerily in the bottom left corner of her screen before pausing, then starting again. Then pausing again. They resumed a handful of seconds later, only to stop altogether.
Kara groaned in defeat, letting her head fall forward onto her folded-up arms.
Nia made a sympathetic sound before patting her shoulder consolingly. “It’s alright, Kara. I’m sure someone just came in unexpectedly and she’s having to deal with them. She’ll answer you soon.” Though her words were comforting enough, her tone of voice sounded unsure, and it was enough for another groan to escape from Kara. “None of that now, young padawan.”
“I’m older than you. By like—a lot.” Kara pointed out, words muffled against the skin of her forearm. “I would definitely be the mentor in this situation. I was the mentor.”
“That’s no way to speak to the person about to buy you a refill on your hot chocolate.”
Kara peeked up from her position slumped over the table, “And a sticky bun?”
Nia’s lips flickered into a smile. “Sure, champ. Two of them if you can manage to pick your head up for me.” It took a herculean effort, but Kara managed to lift her head up from the cool table and instead slumped morosely back into her chair. Nia frowned. “I feel like that’s cheating.”
Kara shrugged. “You never said that I had to sit up straight.”
“Touché. I’ll make sure that I specify all the rules next time I make a deal with you.”
Before Kara could reply, her phone pinged. Nia gave her a significant look before politely calling over their waitress to order the sticky buns and hot chocolate refill. With a deep breath, Kara picked up the cell and felt her heart sink a bit at the words.
{Lena 2:15 PM} You’re sweet, but that’s not what I was aiming for. It’s okay though. How was work?
On the surface the words seemed harmless, but Kara knew better. Somehow, she had once again said the wrong thing and she hadn’t the slightest idea about how to fix it—mostly because she still didn’t know what the heck she’d said wrong.
{Kara 2:16 PM} I’m sorry, Lena. Work was good, uneventful really. Having a late lunch with Nia. What did you mean? With the cottage?
{Lena 2:17 PM} Nothing, darling. Just wishful thinking is all. Tell Nia I said hello?
“Miss Danvers? Hot chocolate?”
Kara looked up from her phone screen and blinked at the young woman standing next to her. “Oh right, sorry. Let me just—” she fumbled awkwardly and passed the waitress her empty cup, smiling as best she could at the quiet look of awe the woman was obviously trying to temper. Eight months since she had revealed herself to the world and it still felt strange to have someone look at Kara Danvers and treat her with the same reverence Supergirl was given. “Thank you, Erin.”
Erin squeaked like Kara had performed some sort of miracle instead of simply reading her very visible nametag, her heartbeat ticking up at an almost alarming rate. “Oh really, it’s nothing! The least I can do considering everything you’ve done for us.” Erin leaned closer and dropped her voice to a conspiring whisper, “If you ask me, all of this should be free. With everything you’ve sacrificed these last several years? Free meals is the least the city can do.”
Nia tried valiantly to turn her amused snicker into a convincing cough and Kara shot her a decidedly unamused look before smiling regretfully at the well-meaning waitress. “I don’t think any restaurant within a thirty-mile radius would be safe, honestly. It’s probably better this way.”
Erin shrugged like she didn’t necessarily agree but wasn’t going to press the matter. “Either way, I hope you enjoy. Just holler if you need anything else.” With that, she hurried over to another table and Kara released a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding before finally replying to Lena’s earlier text.
{Kara 2:21 PM} Of course I will. And I happen to like it when you tell me what you’re thinking. That beautiful brain of yours is always cooking up something incredible, and it’s an honor to be your sounding board. To be anywhere in your general vicinity, really. I’m so lucky.
“Everything okay?” Nia asked, taking a healthy sip of her tea.
“Yeah, I think so,” Kara breathed, turning her phone over guiltily. “Sorry about that. Lena says hi, by the way.”
Nia waved a dismissive hand, gesturing to her own phone lying prominently on the table between them. “Please, Kara. We are like, way past that. Feel free to text your girlfriend as much as you’d like. I’ve been texting Brainy on and off all of this impromptu lunch myself. It’s nice to just exist in the same space sans an emergency, y’know?”
Kara nodded, letting her lips flick up in genuine, warmed smile. “Yeah, I get what you mean.”
Her phone pinged again, and Nia gave it a meaningful look before standing and snagging her own phone from the table. “You answer that and take your time with it. I actually have a phone call to make really quick, but I’ll be back soon.” Kara watched her walk away quickly with the phone already pressed to her ear, heard the giggling that only Brainy could inspire and turned back to her own phone.
{Lena 2:23 PM} God, you’re so fucking charming. It’s a little bit unfair that a simple text message from you can make me so flustered.
Kara felt her heart skip a beat at the words, even as she felt the slightest bit of disappointment that Lena hadn’t clarified what she had been referring to earlier. Resolving to let the matter go for now, Kara tugged her bottom lip between her teeth and typed out a response.
{Kara 2:24 PM} I know the feeling. Sometimes I look at you and my heart starts racing… okay actually that was a lie—it always does that around you.
{Kara 2:25 PM} Come over tonight?
Lena’s reply came in less than a minute.
{Lena 2:26 PM} Of course. Now, please enjoy your lunch with Nia. I love you.
{Kara 2:27 PM} I love you too.
Nia rounded the corner right as Kara was tucking her phone back into her pocket, looking slightly flushed but faintly radiating pure happiness.
Kara smiled at her approach, shooting her a teasing look as Nia stumbled slightly back into her chair. “Good phone call?”
“Good text conversation?” Nia shot back, her flush deepening and spreading down her neck.
“Touché,” Kara allowed, letting the banter drop as Nia launched into a detailed explanation of everything she was doing and planning at her outreach center. Nia held herself up with a sense of pride and Kara’s smile softened into something far less teasing as she listened to her old protégée speak with the authority and passion of a woman who knew her purpose.
Time, like most things in life, was relative.
It ebbed and flowed constantly, yet still managed to change and morph itself in moments. Change was the only thing that seemed to be guaranteed regardless of circumstances or desires. Time was a cruel master and change its ever-present council. It was inevitable, constant and inescapable like time. Kara knew change.
What she hadn’t known is how much damage it could do in three weeks’ time.
“Thank you, please come again!”
Kara narrowly avoided spilling coffee down the front of her baby blue button up as she ducked out of the little pastry shop, cradling her precious cargo protectively against her chest. The small bag swinging merrily from its place looped around her wrist protested the sharp turn by smacking solidly against Kara’s thigh, but the blonde hardly noticed. Her attention, for once, wasn’t on the food. Truthfully, Kara cared very little about the fate of the pastries she’d haphazardly thrown into the bag, their purchase was more of a shield than anything.
After all, how frivolous would it be if Supergirl was caught flying halfway around the world for a single cup of coffee? The press would have a field day with it, especially since Kara had come out and revealed herself to the world. She could see the headlines now—Is CatCo Editor in Chief Kara Danvers a Secret Coffee Prude? Supergirl or Super Entitled? Is Your Coffee Good Enough for Supergirl? Probably Not, and Here’s Why—The possibilities were endless, and Kara didn’t particularly want to suffer through the hypothetical ridicule—not to mention the incessant teasing Alex would no doubt subject her to—if she could avoid it.
So, pastries.
And not just any pastries—The World’s Best Homemade Pastries, at least according to the sign hanging on the shop’s door and the five billboards Kara had flown past on her way over. Surely such a declaration would give her an excuse to make the trip over, and if she happened to grab a cup of coffee for her girlfriend? Well, it was just a coffee. That’s what the people would think—she hoped.
It didn’t matter. If Kara was being entirely honest she would happily bear the assumptions of the media, endure Alex’s playful ribbing with a reluctant acceptance, so long as Lena smiled in that soft, besotted way she did. As long as she gently tugged Kara against her warm body, wrapped the blonde up in a tight hug and murmured happy, appreciative words against the skin of her neck. All in all, Kara just wanted her girlfriend to act like… well… her girlfriend again.
Lena was perfect, of course. A perfectionist even, one that applied the same level of effort and focus to being a great girlfriend as she would creating a black body field generator or building an anti-kryptonite suit from scratch. She was dedicated, patient and so unbelievably loving that Kara genuinely lost her breath in the face of it. Their relationship was so rock solid that if Kara had been told weeks ago where they’d be now, she wouldn’t have believed it. She would have laughed, and then probably gone to tell Lena so her girlfriend could have a laugh too because they had walked through hell together. Their relationship was forged from the ashes of their past, strengthened to an nth degree by the fact that they had faced the worst versions of each other and come out the other side.
But this wasn’t weeks ago. This was now.
And now was weird.
Now was weird and Kara hadn’t the slightest clue about how to fix it—mostly because she didn’t know what the heck had gone so wrong, but something obviously had.
Lena’s smiles had stopped reaching her eyes. There was an ever-present kind of melancholy surrounding her now that Kara hadn’t been able to banish—no matter how softly she spoke, how adoringly she kissed, how worshipfully she touched—the cloud stayed. Her girlfriend was as loving as ever, but there was a distance now like… like she was protecting herself from something. From Kara, maybe.
“She’s just stressed,” Kara whispered to herself, despite the telltale prickling of unease buzzing around in her heart. “She’s stressed. The Foundation is so important to her and getting it established is taking its toll. We’re fine.”
Kara didn’t know who she was trying to convince exactly, the only thing around to hear her words being the condensation from the clouds she was flying through. Voicing it helped though, and while she was still in desperate need of some cuddles and kisses from the love of her life, the premature aching in her chest simmered down a bit as Lena’s penthouse finally came into view. A quick burst of heat vision revived the coffee and Kara let herself land quietly, gracefully onto the concrete balcony of Lena’s home office, setting her bounty down carefully and taking a moment to steady herself when—
“It’s finished? Yes. No, I’ll be traveling alone. I was more interested in the property off of Alder… the coral blue one, precisely. Uh huh, and you say it’s move in ready? Excellent. No that will be all, thank you.”
Kara couldn’t move. Kara couldn’t breathe.
Whatever else Lena was saying into the phone was lost to the blood rushing in Kara’s ears as the blonde took one shaky, uneven step backwards. Then another. And another.
Soundless, agonized steps until her back hit the railing and Kara all but threw herself over it, freefalling for a few breathless seconds before shooting towards her own apartment.
It all made sense now—the cabins and houses and emotional distance.
Lena was leaving. Lena was moving. And moreover—she didn’t want Kara to come with her.
All of the brochures and seemingly random pictures had served a very real purpose, they were meant to warn. It was Lena’s way of telling her that she was leaving, an unorthodox way of softening the blow. Stumbling into her own open window nearly resulted in the loss of the entire wall and Kara forced herself to slow down, taking deliberate, deep breaths in an attempt to recenter herself.
The gentle ping of her phone might as well have been a gunshot, a thunderclap, a planet ripping apart at its seams for how hard Kara jumped at the sound. She didn’t want to look. There was only one person it could be, one person who would’ve had a reason it text so soon after her not-so-subtle retreat. She really, emphatically did not want to look. Wasn’t sure if she could stomach the words after what she had inadvertently heard.
Kara looked.
{Lena 11:47 AM} Imagine my surprise when I stepped out onto my balcony for some fresh air and instead found a cup of my favorite coffee blend waiting, still steaming, and a rather sad looking bag of pastries but… no you. No text, either. Everything okay?
She hadn’t heard. Kara exhaled a shaky breath, wiping absentmindedly at her damp cheeks with one hand and typing out a lighthearted response with the other.
{Kara 11:49 AM} Of course! I just wanted to do something nice for the world’s best girlfriend, but unfortunately couldn’t stick around after. I was about to text you, actually. Just got home.
{Kara 11:50 AM} You really are though… the absolute best. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again—I am so lucky, Lena. So lucky. I love you so much.
It was the truth, as honest as Kara could ever hope to be. Her truth in black and white, plain as day for Lena to see. Her heart in Lena’s tender hands. The same feelings she had harbored since that first shaky, uncertain kiss, the absolute terror of knowing that whatever intensity their friendship had possessed was nothing compared to whatever ferocity awaited them now.
So, truth. Truth, but still entirely—
“Too much,” Kara muttered, even as she watched the message deliver. Lena’s response took a few moments, the bubbles appearing and disappearing more times than Kara’s aching heart could take. “That was too much, why did I push? I shouldn’t have pushed—”
The bubbles disappeared and stayed gone for long enough that Kara’s already broken heart seized up in her chest, the pain voicing itself in the smallest of whimpers before a steady buzz tickled the palm of her hand. She blinked down at her ringing phone, at the picture of Lena flashing on her home screen, before finally snapping out of whatever daze had given her pause and quickly answering. “Hello?”
“Kara,” Lena breathed, like they hadn’t seen each other in weeks as opposed to a day. The warmth in her voice that Kara had been missing was back and it made her stomach twist, made her feel inexplicably ill—that this was what Lena had needed. Not Kara’s attention or worship, but her release. “Are you alright? That text was—well, you do say that a lot, but it felt… different, this time.”
If you love something…
“I’m okay.” The lie tasted bitter and astringent, unpleasant and caustic like it should. She could allow herself this one kindness, in the face of her overwhelming truth. The softest, gentlest little fib—for both their sakes. “I just love you. And sometimes I feel this need to tell you. Whenever. Wherever. However. How’s the coffee?”
If you love something…
Lena took a slow, measured breath in. A soft swallow, the happiest little hum. “Perfect, but you already knew that. It’s why you made the trip, right? The pastries though… I’m afraid they’re a bit of a lost cause. A tasty lost cause but… well…”
If you love something…
Kara let out a strained laugh, pressing her lips tightly together when her voice tipped up almost manically. “I’m ah, I’m sorry about that. Travelers insurance and all. Coffee was the main goal, to be honest. I know these last few days have been stressful for you, with the Foundation and everything. Wanted to help in any way I could, figured coffee was the very least I could do.”
If you love—
Fuck. That.
I’m not losing her. Not now. Not ever, if I can help it.
Kara had been playing the balancing game her whole life, on Krypton and on Earth. She learned how to adapt, how to overcome, how to thrive. Juggling parts of herself became second nature and while it had ultimately been what drove her and Lena so far apart—it would be different this time, Kara would be different this time. If Lena needed space, Kara would give it. She’d be the best damn girlfriend in the world, coffee was just the start of it. They were usually, admittedly, inseparable and while Kara still vividly remembered that terrible year apart and would happily glue herself to Lena if she could Lena… Lena didn’t feel the same way.
Lena needed some space. Breathing room.
Kara could respect that, she would respect that.
She would dote on Lena as usual, but she would also be careful not to smother.
She would shower her girlfriend in attention and love, but she would also make sure to take a step back and let said girlfriend breathe.
She would do everything and anything, because the only other choice would be losing Lena and Kara couldn’t—she couldn’t, not after all the people she had already lost and—
“—me? Kara?”
Kara blinked, feeling resolve settle into her bones. She could do this, find the line and walk it. Never cross it, never drift too far away. A small price to pay, if it meant keeping Lena. “I’m here, sorry. It’s been a long morning.” A long few weeks.
Too long since she’d held her girlfriend or been held by said girlfriend.
Kara clenched her jaw. Time. Space.
Lena hummed knowingly, soothingly. “I saw you on the news this morning. Good save, with the library. All those books, all that knowledge—”
“Yeah,” Kara agreed. “Lots of books.”
Lena was quiet again, quiet in the way that Kara had figured out meant she was thinking. And a genius like Lena Luthor thinking? Well, Kara made certain to keep her breathing slow and even. Normal. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
No. What did I do? What didn’t I do? Why, even now, aren’t you mentioning the house? The move in ready house, that you’re travelling alone to. Why didn’t you ask me to come with you? Ask me. Please, Lena, for the love of Rao—ask me! “Sure am! Long night, long morning. Lots of deadlines still to meet, so I probably won’t get to take a nap like I wanted, which is a bummer.”
“You work entirely too hard.” The words were teasing, though Kara could still hear the undercurrent of genuine worry in Lena’s voice. It was like a balm to her aching heart, a deep warmth that spread throughout her body. They would be okay. Kara could fix this. “Do you want to come over later? I’ll cook or we can order takeout.”
Kara took a slow breath in, felt the way the air expanded in her lungs. The slow, steady beat of her own heart. The newly married couple two floors down, arguing once again about who’s turn it was to wash the dishes. A toddler giggling next door. A young boy sniffling over his skinned knee two blocks away. National City itself, bustling and humming with life. Lena’s heartbeat, steady, calming and absolutely the most beautiful sound Kara had ever heard. She could do this, find the line and walk it. Be present without being overbearing. Be loving without being smothering. Kara would fix it before it had a chance to finish breaking, and eventually she and Lena would have a good laugh about this.
She was Supergirl, the Maiden of Might, the Girl of Steel and the Paragon of Hope.
Above all of those though, she was Kara Zor-El Danvers—and she had already lost far too much to lose Lena too. Not again.
So, Kara nodded in silent determination, blinking away useless tears as her mind raced with various plans of action. She could fix this—she would. “Yeah, I’d love to.”