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“Why didn’t you tell me Jaehyun would be coming?”
“Jungwoo, it’s been seven years.”
“Yeah, but…”
“You’ve been in several relationships since then.”
“Yeah, but…”
“And he’s in long term relationship now,”
“Yeah, but... what? Really?”
Mark only laughs and shakes his head. It’s fun to mess with Jungwoo.
Now, Jungwoo is not really the petty type. He can be friends with his ex, heck, he is friends with one of his exes. So, why is the possibility of seeing Jaehyun tonight any different from seeing Yuta every day at work? Jungwoo dated Yuta for almost a year, way longer than the summer he spent with Jaehyun, who, by the way, just now walked into the k-bbq place. All dashing in his suit and hair in a perfect mess. He looks a little lost before finally his eyes light up upon seeing the familiar faces in the back side of the restaurant.
Damn. He forgot how handsome Jung Jaehyun is.
“It’ll be better if you help me carry these instead of salivating over your ex,” Mark gave him two jugs of cold water to bring to their table.
“How do you even know he’s back in Seoul?” Jungwoo put the jugs and glasses in a tray and walked beside Mark to their table.
“He’s the architect for Kun’s new restaurant, didn’t he tell you?”
Jungwoo shakes his head as they reach their table, making a mental note to give his childhood friend slash his boss an earful.
The dinner went acceptably well with Jungwoo avoiding most of Jaehyun’s attempt of conversing with him and instead busy nagging Kun that seated beside him in hushed voice.
“You should’ve told me,”
“I thought you’ve moved on?”
“That would be my decision to make,”
“Oh, Jungwoo come on,”
“Um, guys, you didn’t talk as subtle as you think you are,” Doyoung looks at them from across the table in a painful expression.
Jungwoo clears his throat as he continues to eat the meat in his plate, thanking Mark on his left for giving him more meat.
“What? I didn’t,” the younger said with a mouthful of food.
Jungwoo tries to ignore the soft smile on Jaehyun's face before he makes his own wrap.
Fate may think it’s funny, but Jungwoo just thinks that it’s cruel. If this was seven years ago, he would be glad to know that Jaehyun’s hotel is on his way back home and that means they would have to walk home together. But as their friends say their goodbyes and leave him with the familiar stranger, Jungwoo just feels awkward.
Jaehyun can faintly smell Jungwoo’s cherry scent underneath all the smoke from their previous dinner and it's making him dizzy with wants. So, he would rather not speak, because he knows that any spoken words from him would less likely do any good. They walk side by side in silence, too busy in their own thoughts to start a conversations and Jungwoo couldn’t help but think about when it all started.
* * *
Seven years ago, at the start of summer, Jung Jaehyun and his mother moved in to Jungwoo’s apartment complex. He moved right above Doyoung, who was home after spending his first year at college. Just as expected from the older, he wouldn’t let the gangly teenager alone. That summer, Jaehyun was added to their group of friends whether he liked it or not.
Jaehyun was different. He was quiet and he liked the things that Jungwoo didn’t understand about—like buildings and drawings and foreign language—so Jungwoo thought of Jaehyun like a breath of fresh air and he was excited to get to know more about the boy. With Doyoung and Kun busy part-timing and Mark visiting his grandparents in Canada for the summer, Jungwoo was left mostly with Jaehyun. The eighteen years old seemed unapproachable at first, but when he found Jaehyun alone on the swing in their local park, Jungwoo took the first step to get to know the older boy.
The summer seven years ago, Jungwoo and Jaehyun tried to figure out where they stand with each other as friends. Only for Jungwoo to find out that none of his other friends made his heart race faster nor made him want to poke the hole in their cheek. And for Jaehyun to question his life decisions and lose sleep because for the first time in his life, he really wanted to kiss a boy.
Jungwoo never has an ounce of doubt in his soul. After spending days glued at the hip with Jaehyun, he knew. Also partly because whenever he kept looking at Jaehyun, he found the older boy already looking at him with endearment in his eyes. So, one night when they sit at the old swings at the park, Jungwoo said fuck it and confess.
“I’ve never been with a boy,” Jaehyun answered, knuckles white from holding the swing so tight while blinking nervously at him.
“I didn’t hear rejection,” Jungwoo’s smile almost reached his ear. Hands outreached for the boy with dimples to hold.
Seventeen and in love, Jungwoo thought his summer would last forever when Jaehyun finally reached for his hand.
Summer seven years ago, Jaehyun, who desperately wanted to live his own life far from anyone he knew in Seoul, found himself loving the aimless walk he does every night with Jungwoo. He found himself smiling a little easier, laughing a little louder, and sitting next to Jungwoo a little closer. Suddenly, Seoul didn't seem so bad. Suddenly, his acceptance letter seems heavier.
(“Jungwoo, I’m going to study architecture.”
“That’s so cool, hyung.”
In Columbia University left unsaid. )
* * *
Really, Jungwoo thinks fate is cruel. After a long and humid day, it decided to rain on their way home and now Jungwoo doesn’t have any choice than to come up to Jaehyun’s room and wait there until it stops raining.
“It’s better to clean up now, we don’t know when the rain will stop.” Jaehyun put a towel and a white t-shirt beside Jungwoo and the younger one knows he’s right. He’s been wearing his clothes all day and they went to a barbeque place for dinner. There’s no way he didn’t smell right now. He cleans up as fast as he can, changes his t-shirt, and is out within minutes. Finding Jaehyun’s back facing him as the man made him a cup of hot tea before entering the bathroom and leaving him alone in the hotel room.
Jungwoo walk around the room, observing how Jaehyun leave his imprints everywhere in the room; in the faintly smell of his perfume, in the half empty suitcase beside the wardrobe, in the slippers at the foot of the bed, in the half empty cups of coffee, but mostly in the sketches scattered on and around the table.
He remembers Jaehyun asked for Kun’s help looking for an apartment as his answer to Doyoung asking him for how long did he plan to live in a hotel—he’s been living here for almost three weeks now. Jungwoo is thinking whether he should tell Jaehyun that his neighbor is planning to move out when Jaehyun exits the bathroom. His gelled hair is completely wet and his suit is now changed into a dark blue pajama.
“I’ve always known you’re talented, but seeing this makes it so real ,” Jungwoo caught the stack of magazines on the coffee table, it either has Jaehyun’s face on the cover or has Jaehyun’s name on it.
“I remember those sketch books too,” he sips his tea while looking at the sketch book on the bedside table.
He looks over to Jaehyun, finding the older one already looking at him the same way he had looked at him seven years ago. It was at that moment that Jungwoo realized he doesn’t hate Jaehyun anymore. He isn’t even sure he ever hates Jaehyun.
“You’re the first person I ever show my drawings to,” Jaehyun gives enough space between them when he sits beside Jungwoo. He hands the younger his sketchbook.
Jungwoo smiles softly, memories of being seventeen and in love rushes in as he opens it.
Jaehyun is never good with words, but just like seven years ago, he bares himself through his drawing.
Jungwoo sees the world through Jaehyun’s drawings; old and majestic buildings, parks full of people in different times of day and different seasons, but mostly just sketches of a man that gets more and more unclear as he turns the pages to the end.
“I drew you based on memory,”
Jungwoo felt his chest tighten at Jaehyun’s soft voice.
“I was so afraid of forgetting your face—forgetting what we had, forgetting you.”
“Jaehyun,” Jungwoo closes his eyes, trying to collect himself before asking the inevitable question between them. “Why?”
Jaehyun is now crying. Tears slowly rolling down his face with ragged breathing, as if trying to inhale brings more pain to his lungs. As if trying to survive hurts him more.
“I was stupid, Jungwoo,” he said in between his sniffles. “I thought it’s just a phase. I thought I’ll find someone else. I thought I’ll get too busy and you’ll be just another nameless face I used to know.”
“I had my life figured out when my parents divorced. My dad was abusive and my mom kept bringing different guys home after that. I hate it here and I want to be as far as I could from my parents. Everything I did in high school was towards one goal: to get a scholarship abroad and get out of Korea. Because everything here reminds me of how shitty my life was. “
Jaehyun’s eyes are bloodshot and he bite his lips to keep him from trembling. He let a deep breath and catch Jungwoo’s eyes in his, “But you happened.”
“At first I just wanted to spend more time with you, stay closer to you, and suddenly I wanted to hug you, to hold your hand and to kiss you. Then I realized that I’m in love with you and that scares the crap out of me.”
Seven years ago, as the two teenagers lay in Jungwoo’s bed, shoulders and knees knocking into each other’s, they both knew what they felt for each other was bigger than they said. Jungwoo was ready. After all, he was always the fearless one between both of them. Jungwoo was ready to risk it all and be with Jaehyun; to hold him and never let go.
“That night, when we almost kiss,” Jaehyun’s voice is barely above whispers now as he continue in pain, “I did what any dumb kid would do: I run away.”
The pain is visible in Jaehyun’s eyes and Jungwoo doesn’t like that. No matter how many years, no matter how many nights he spends crying until he’s asleep, Jungwoo never wants to see Jaehyun in pain. It’s ridiculous that no resentment and anger he has will ever outweigh his love for Jaehyun.
No one knows who scoots closer first, but now he can see Jaehyun’s glistening eyes in front of him. The older has his fingers grazing Jungwoo’s cheeks oh so carefully, afraid he would ruin such a beautiful piece of art. Jungwoo feels dangerously close to him, yet he still leans in, all senses filled with Jungwoo. Jungwoo’s citrusy scent. Jungwoo’s porcelain skin. Jungwoo’s cherry breath. Jungwoo’s perfect pink lips. Jaehyun feels dizzy so he pulls back, just an inch, but Jungwoo’s fluttering eyes catch him moving.
The event from seven years ago flashes in Jungwoo’s mind; when Jaehyun pushed him away and yelled at him— I never want any of this!— before leaving him alone. But today is gonna be different. Not today, Jungwoo thinks as he takes the first step, again, like he always has been with Jaehyun, and surges forward as he puts his hands on Jaehyun’s nape, closing their gap.
After seven summers, they finally kissed.
Jungwoo is finally kissing his Jaehyun.
And if Jaehyun is caught off guard for a second, he surely doesn’t show it. As he put his hands on Jungwoo’s waist, fingers burning with the need to touch, to grab, and to keep what’s been his.
The kiss started far from innocent and instead, full of hunger and years of pent up emotion. The heat threatens to burn them. Teeth knocking and tongue fighting for dominance until both of them out of breath and Jaehyun realized he has a lap full of Jungwoo grinding into him.
“Jungwoo…” he said breathlessly, trying to look up and control himself. But Jungwoo takes this the other way as he starts kissing Jaehyun’s exposed neck instead.
Oh, God, Jaehyun groans as his hand slips under Jungwoo’s shirt because the younger one just couldn’t stay still.
“Jungwoo...” he tries again. This time he used his hands to cradles Jungwoo’s face and looks at him in the eye.
Jungwoo looks at him clueless, “You don’t want this?” he asks slowly, eyes wide open.
Jaehyun takes several deep breaths, trying to calm his ragged breathing and not to think about Jungwoo’s swollen lips that’s just centimeters away from him. Jungwoo must be crazy if he thinks Jaehyun doesn’t want him.
“I want you,” he intertwines their fingers and uses his other hand to hug Jungwoo’s waist, “I want you then. I want you now. I want you in the future. I will always want you, Kim Jungwoo.” Jaehyun gives tiny kisses to his face, “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I love you.”
Jungwoo laughs as he dive in for another kiss, “I love you too, Jung Jaehyun.”
(The next morning, as Jaehyun woke up with Jungwoo in his arms, he breathed out a sigh of relief. God knows how many nights he spent dreaming of Jungwoo only to be woken up sad and alone. But now, as Jungwoo burrows his face into Jaehyun’s neck, he knows he's not dreaming anymore.
“I promise it’s gonna be different this time, my love.”
Jaehyun says as he kisses his lover’s temple.)
fin.