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This feels so, so wrong.
As the rain falls down and a thunder rumbles somewhere distant, Utahime is suddenly quite aware of what she’s doing. She can’t blame it on alcohol, she drank what? Maybe one glass of beer? Nearly not enough to get her acting impulsively. Her brain is desperate, digging through any part of itself in hopes of finding a single logical explanation for her to be making out with Geto Suguru right outside the dorms building. There’s none, the only things found are a mixture of knowing this is absolutely crazy and strangely good.
It’s strange because it’s Geto. She has nothing directly against him — otherwise she wouldn’t probably be kissing him — but Utahime can’t say she sees him as a friend or anything. He’s usually around, tagging along Shouko or Gojo, being pretty alright when it’s just Shouko while being just as much a menace as the white-haired moron when they’re together. Geto might not be as loud or as disrespectful and vulgar as Gojo, but he’s just as mocking and sarcastic, maybe even more than him. What differs them is how much they let it show this side, Gojo is always in people’s faces, sometimes literally, while in Geto is more subdued. If Utahime had to compare, she’d say Gojo is like a cockatoo, and Geto is more like some bird of prey, those ones that get trained into falconry and wear a mask, only showing how ruthless they can be when the mask is removed. As annoying as Gojo is, Utahime never feels intimidated by him, angry and tired, yes, but never really too worried. As for Geto, she always has the impression of needing to stay on her toes around him, it seems like it’s what he’s expecting from her too, as if they need this unspoken tension to keep some sort of balance, which doesn’t feel balanced at all with her having to act so differently from the way she does with her other kouhai.
They rarely get alone, Shouko and Gojo are often around, just as they were a few minutes ago when they were gathered at Shouko’s room talking. Mei Mei was also there, she was the one who sneaked beer and other alcoholic beverages and was trying to persuade Gojo into drinking. Everybody had warned her that it could be dangerous, but she challenged with a “how bad could it be?” and kept on trying to convince him, who just dismissed her and told her he was too pure for this kind of thing. Despite none of them being old enough to be drinking alcohol, it was just their regular playful exchange, but for some reason, Utahime couldn’t stop staring at the way Mei tried to come closer to Gojo. She’s flirty to pretty much everything that breathes and it’s hard to tell if she’s ever actually planning to go through with it, Utahime has seen her friend do this many times, including with Gojo, but the way he snorted softly while grabbing Mei’s hand when she tried to brush his bangs out of his eyes made made something inside her twist. It looked sweet, sexy, intimate and affectionate in a way only Mei could pull it off, and that made her feel kinda self-conscious. Will she ever be able to carry herself with this kind of confidence? To have what they seemed to be having at that moment? Not with Gojo, ew, never, but… with anyone that she liked and felt close enough?
She felt so weird she had to excuse herself for a moment. Mei asked if she was okay, Gojo told her not to throw up in the hall otherwise Yaga would get suspicious and come check on them. She ignored them both, feeling very childish and petty for doing so.
Utahime wanted to go outside to get some fresh air, but it started drizzling and she had to stop next to the garden at the back of the building. It wasn’t so bad, the rain chilled the weather a little, so it got pleasantly cool outside. It felt much better than staying at the stuffy dorm bedrooms, so she stayed there watching the rain fall on the trees and fill small puddles on the ground.
Being able to breathe, she calmed down a little, the confusion of why she even left in the first place growing larger in her chest. Nothing major had happened, and she didn’t even say anything, not even to Shouko, she hopes her friend won’t worry too much about her, she’s definitely going to ask when they are alone, so Utahime better come up with something more convincing than a silly “I felt weird watching Gojo and Mei flirting, so I left.”
Even admitting this to herself sounds bad, let alone telling someone else, ugh. Shouko wouldn’t judge and would probably offer some very insightful advice, which would only make her feel more childish and ridiculous. Utahime will just tell her her pressure was low and she needed to get some air, hopefully this will be enough of an explanation to her friend. She was feeling so much better staying out there. She wasn’t even planning to go back to Shouko’s room, calling it a night right there and then, but suddenly a male voice came from the dorms’ entrance, startling her. Utahime turned and found Geto eyeing her curiously. Just as usual, she felt unsettled by his presence, there weren’t many subjects she could think of to hold a casual conversation with him, so they stayed there for a few minutes just looking at the cloudy sky and answering to each other’s vague remarks about the weather with “Mm.” and “Right.”, it was uncomfortable enough as it was, and then Geto casually asked, or rather, pointed out.
“You know he only does things like that to spite you, don’t you?”
“Hm?”
“Satoru.” he looked at her and smiled “I doubt he’ll go all the way with Mei-senpai, he’s kinda scared of her.”
“He’s… scared?”
“We all are.”
“What?” she asked in disbelief, snorting a little by how serious he looked.
“She’s just scary, I guess.” he shrugged “She’s also the only girl Satoru could flirt with in front of you and make you feel jealous.”
“W-what? Why would I be jealous of him and Mei?”
“Oh, so it’s not Mei-senpai, it could be any other girl?” he smirked when she narrowed her eyes at him.
“Look, Geto-kun, I don’t know where you’re trying to get at, but I assure you it’s not what you’re thinking, whatever that is.”
“No need to get so defensive. I’m not judging you, he’s the idiot for pulling shit like that. These little games are so stupid.”
“Right.” she said, only because Utahime felt staying silent would give the impression she was agreeing with him “So uhm… I should… probably get going. Aren’t you going back to Shouko’s room?”
“You know, it’s very easy to get back at him.”
“Hm?”
“At Satoru. For making you feel bad.”
“Oh, I’m not… I’m not feeling bad, and even if I did, I don’t… I wouldn’t want to get back at him. Like… for what?”
“Well, y-”
“I mean, I don’t think it’s right that Mei is trying to give alcohol to him, and I think her methods of persuasion are a little… manipulative since they are so hard to refuse, but he isn’t stupid, he must know what she’s doing, and letting her do it is so… what does he even plan to do? If they hook up, like, that’s alright, but if they don’t, then what’s the point? It’s just a game of sorts? Why?”
“It’s just as I tol-”
“Why do people do things like that? I… I try my best not to judge, but sometimes it’s really hard for me to understand. I… I could never be like that.” she concluded, only realizing how much she ranted when they both fell silent again, the rain being the only sound audible.
“You’re so righteous.”
“Well, I try my best to be.” she answered, a little flustered over his remark.
“It wasn’t really a compliment.” he grimaced, as if he was teasing her. No, not teasing. Mocking.
“That’s… you and Gojo might think acting like that is cute and funny, but it j-”
“I never said I found it cute and funny. I think he’s being a complete asshole. Which is precisely why I’m here and not there encouraging him.”
“That’d be a first.” she scoffed.
“It’s not. You just never really noticed before.” he sighed “I’m really not the one you should be angry at, Utahime-senpai.”
“Forgive me for never seeing beyond the sarcastic comments, guess I’m not smart enough to pick up on the nuances.”
“You’re smart. You just don’t think straight when it comes to him. I get it. That’s why I’m here, but… well, guess it’s my own fault you see me like that.”
“Of course it is.”
He laughed, startling her.
“You’re so honest, senpai! I keep forgetting how much you’re different from me. Well, from Satoru too, I suppose.” he wiped the corner of his eyes and sighed “It completely defeats my point, doesn’t it?”
“Your point?”
“Yeah, about taking a little revenge on him. You’re too righteous and too honest for things like that, you’d never agree to it.”
“Well, if something’s really bad, I definitely wouldn’t.”
“Hmm… it wouldn’t be bad, per se, but… it’d make a big fool out of Satoru. But well… since you swear you’re not slightly bothered by him, then I guess it’s meaningless.”
“Just say it.” she crossed her arms, unamused. She had basically poured out how bothered she was minutes ago, there was no need for him to get so roundabout over whatever he was planning to propose.
“Can I show you, instead? It’s just… you might not believe me, but I feel a little embarrassed to tell you.”
Strangely enough, she did believe him. Geto isn’t that upfront, maybe he had a little bit of decency that could make him act sheepish sometimes. At least that’s what she wanted to believe considering all he told her. Maybe it’s all bullshit, but he actually bothered to come check on her when Utahime swore she was being inconspicuous, so yeah, she thought she could give him the benefit of the doubt, so she nodded, still a little wary.
Then Geto bent down and pressed his lips against hers. She immediately stiffened, her hands stopping mid-air as she wasn’t sure how to push him away from her. Where did that even come from? Utahime stayed there, completely still and puzzled as Geto lightly held her elbow. Despite his sudden move, it wasn’t a forceful or desperate kiss. He didn’t try to push his tongue nor bring her closer, and the little puff of his breathing against her skin almost made her think he was a little nervous.
Just when she was about to kiss him back, he pulled away. It was a little dark, so she couldn’t see his expression clearly, but Utahime could only assume he was just as flustered by the way he cleared his throat.
“Uhm… so… just so I’m sure, you thought I could get back at Gojo by kissing his best friend?”
“Pretty much, yes.”
“You think this would spite him?”
“I know it would. Especially if he never heard about this.”
“I… I’m sorry, Geto-kun. I don’t see how this makes sense.”
“Yeah, to be quite honest, I don’t either. I thought it would be fun to tell him, but now I think it’s better if he doesn’t hear about this.”
Well, he was in luck, then, because Utahime wasn’t planning on telling anyone about this, much less Gojo.
“I think… you must be exaggerating whatever you think Gojo feels about me.” she told him carefully.
“He likes you, and frankly, he’d be a fool if he didn’t.”
She didn’t have that much to drink, there was no way to blame this on alcohol, so maybe it was the way he said it, full of assurance and matter-of-factness. Utahime always knew she could never be smooth as Mei or nonchalant as Shouko, she’s awkward, flirting was not her thing and guys like Gojo would always enjoy picking at her because her reactions are amusing. When Geto kissed her, however, none of that seemed to matter for a brief second. It felt sweet, almost reverential in a way, and yes, she knew he might have pulled away at that exact moment on purpose, he probably knew she would want more.
And more she got when she sighed and came closer to him, whispering “No one can know about this.” before standing on her tiptoes and kissing him just like he did before.
Geto seemed slightly surprised, but not for long. He brought hand to her waist and gently pushed her against the wall of the building. Utahime sighed into the kiss, placing her hands on his chest and feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeats and when he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, she whimpered and let herself relax fully.
She knows that nothing he said makes sense. No, Gojo doesn’t like her, though she can see how getting cozy with Mei could spite her, but no, that’s not because she likes him either. Everything is just messy as it is, especially her kissing a guy she’s not even sure she likes as an acquaintance, much less as a hook up. And even though Utahime doesn’t agree with his reasoning, there’s a small part of her feeling some kind of satisfaction by doing this, kissing a boy just outside the dorms after sneaking booze, she has always been considered a role model when it comes to academics and behavior, rarely stepping out of line and always doing it subtly enough to never get caught. It doesn’t feel good just because Geto is an amazing kisser, but also because it feels a tad wrong and no one else is seeing it.
And yes, he is amazing. Not like she has much to compare with, but Utahime just knows by the way he swipes her bottom lip and holds her face gently. He always seems so aloof and cold, but right now, when he places a hand at the base of her neck and tangles a few strands of her hair between his fingers, it’s so passionate she almost believes he has some consideration for her.
What she does believe with no second guessing, however, is that there is desire, it definitely gives off this impression when Geto slides a hand to her hips, squeezing it and sighing a little into their kiss.
Utahime responds by tightening her hold on him, and when he steers his lips away from hers to plant some kisses and nips down her cheek, then her jaw, she just closes her eyes and tilts her head more, giving him more room to go for her neck. She doesn’t want to see the smug expression he probably has right now, it’d probably break off whatever spell she’s on right now. Or maybe because it inevitably reminds her of Gojo, but she doesn’t want to think about that at all. At least not right now.
Right now all Utahime wants is to forget how frustrating Geto can be sometimes, how weird he makes her feel regularly and even self-conscious of her jujutsu abilities. He’s younger, but so much stronger, and even if he weren’t, even if their skills were on the same level, he brims with confidence in a way Utahime never will. This isn’t important at the moment, because Geto seems hellbent on making her melt under his touch, his teeth doing the dizziest things with the sensitive skin of her neck. Utahime can’t help but whimper, and he hums in satisfaction, his hand on her hip getting more and more possessive as it holds her while bringing her closer, flush against his hips.
“I… I still don’t know… what you get out of this…” she manages to say, holding the collar of his shirt. “I… I mean, if… if this is really about Gojo, I… he’s your best friend, so… you shouldn’t, should you?” Utahime asks since she knows putting this as a statement would be stupidly hypocritical. She’s kissing him just as enthusiastically and kinda enjoying that Gojo has no clue about this, so who is she to question his reasons?
“You’re not the only one who gets frustrated at his antics.”
“And you didn’t even consider just… talking to him? I’m sure your issues with him are a lot easier to deal with since you are… you know, best friends.”
“Well, I guess I’m just tired of being the bigger person, he gets away with everything all the fucking time.” the way he says it makes him sound tired, somehow. “So, is that a good reason for you or do you really want me to say I just wanted to kiss you?”
“W-what?”
“It’s not just about Satoru. You’re really lovely, Utahime-senpai.” and with that, he kisses her again, this time a little more demanding, as if he’s trying to suck out all her need of arguing, he might succeed with how breathless she’s feeling.
Her heart is beating fast and even with the chill weather caused by the rain, Utahime feels hot all over, gasping when Geto brings one of his legs between hers, even with the rough texture of the fabric of both their jeans, she suddenly feels very sensitive down there, and whether Geto is aware of this or not, he just keeps kissing and nibbling on her neck while his hands grip her sides, pressing her more against the wall.
Then he touches her boob, long enough for her to know it’s intentional. Utahime jumps a little, but doesn’t pull him away, moaning when she feels his hot breath on her ear. She waits for him to say something, anything, but he doesn’t, just pants and chuckles at the little mewl she lets out when he squeezes her breast again, now truly kneading it.
Not knowing how to deal with it, she raises her head and bumps noses with him, capturing his lips again when he seems to get a little startled, it’s kinda cute and a complete turn from the lewd way he’s touching her chest, his thumb rubbing her nipples through her shirt and bra. Something about his touch tells her it’s not his first time doing this, and that would usually make her feel embarrassed, having her lack of experience in comparison to a kohai being rubbed all over her face once more, but honestly, Utahime is kinda relieved one of them knows what to do.
However, she’s pretty sure things shouldn’t necessarily get this heated, copping a feel is okay and all, but… she’s pretty sure there’s something hard poking the inner of her thighs and the way he rolls his hips against hers tells her this is going too far too fast. Yet, she keeps on kissing him, enjoying how he grunts when she threads her fingers in his hair. He sounds so needy, she’s pretty sure she’s never seen him this engaged in anything that isn’t training or playing video games with Gojo, and even then he doesn’t always seem fully there.
If she still had any doubts his moves are intentional or not, Geto throws them all out the window when his hand on her hip travels down to between her legs, it takes everything in her not to scream in surprise, it’s raining a lot more now, her sounds would definitely be muffled, but she still feels a strange rush of pleasure when Geto shushes her, she can almost picture his smile, reveling too much in the pure mess he’s making out of her.
His touch is precise and attentive, rubbing just where she’s most sensitive even through her clothes. It’s embarrassing how torn she is between closing her legs or spreading them further for him, and not knowing which she should do, Utahime just stays still, clinging to his shoulder as he practically lifts her off the ground with his leg.
The sound of the rain is almost deafening now, she feels pressure building up in the lowest part of her stomach, and Geto’s lips seem to scorch every part of her skin, it feels so good and even though there’s nothing particularly wrong with kissing a boy, she can’t help but feel she’s breaking some unspoken rules here. Gojo’s face flashes through her mind for a second, and it’s like having cold water spilled down her spine, making her shiver all over.
Just before something breaks inside her, Utahime pushes Geto away and blurts out a strangled “sorry”. She just runs inside, heading to her room.
Once she’s there, she leans against the door, sliding until she’s sitting on the floor and trying to recover her breath. What was that? What were they doing? What… what would’ve happened if she stayed there? Ohhh, she doesn’t even want to think about it.
Utahime barely sleeps that night as the rain falls outside. Icy blue eyes and a voice telling her she’s lovely pop into her mind every other second.