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“How about we get out of bed?”
“Says the person with her arms and legs round my body?”
You moved yourself to meet the face of the beautiful woman resting on your chest. She was snuggling on your neck but you could feel her cheeky smile making your heart flutter. With your arm embracing her you left a kiss on her temple making her come out of “her” special place.
“I know you love it детка” Purring the words on your neck she moved to your jawline leaving a little bite behind. “Mine.”
Every step forward was… Painful.
It started every time you opened your eyes. For a brief moment you would keep your eyes closed and with your hand you would try to brush the hairs of someone that was no longer there. Every time your hand dropped to feel the empty space of an empty pillow, your heart dropped and froze with it. You would caress that place a little with your fingertips just to see if you could bring back the sense of having her again.
When you finally get up you can’t avoid turning your gaze to the window.
How many times have you found her staring at the window with a cup of tea in her hands?
“Today I saw something really amazing. Some kids were playing on the street and another group of kids came, they challenged the children and started to play, the game became so intense that from one moment to the next the street was closed to give them more space and there were even people encouraging both of them. It was really cute.”
Taking off your jacket you approached her and kissing her shoulder you started to look through the window. The lights of the city were mostly a light yellow and red. She could see the contrast of the buildings against not only each other but the dark sky. Only one thought filled her mind and it was how amazing her life was for being able to have this kind of view, you on the contrary, were thinking the same but instead of watching through the window you were watching her reflection. Her eyes were full with passion and hope. The way she smiled, biting her lips when she couldn’t suppress her happiness, always melted your heart.
You took one of her hands and took her back to the living room, after leaving her cup on top of the chimney, you pulled her in a swift move against yourself with your arm embracing her from behind. Your gazes crossed for a few seconds before you reached the control of the speakers, goofy as you were, you raised your eyebrows looking at her and when you pressed the button to play the song the speakers started to sound crashed. Jumping both in your place, the control fell out of your hands. The giggles of your wife from behind only turn your cheeks red and when you finally held the control again, you instantly turned the speakers off and sheepishly tried to avoid your wife’s stare.
“Sorry, I’ll buy new ones tomorrow” You looked at her a little guilty by the ruined moment.
They way she could see how embarrassed you were by the color of your ears and cheeks only made her chuckle before caressing your flushed face. You lean into her touch with close eyes, feeling her warmth against your skin.
“When have we ever needed something to do it ourselves?” The tenderness in her voice made you shiver. Looking directly into her eyes you took both hands and left some kisses on her knuckles before swaying with her in the free space in the living room. All the times you make her spin she would always step on your toes when returning. It was now your time to see her embarrassed but you would always, always, receive her with a loving kiss, either on her shoulder or neck.
You both would giggle about it and then continue to move at the rhythm of your souls.
When you see yourself in the mirror of the bathroom you search for the mischievous smile that she gave you every time after promising a hundred times how she would keep her hands to herself, resulting in you and her leaving late for work or making a call for a “sick day”.
Under the shower, you leaned against one of the walls with your arms for support as you watched the water run into the drain. The way you couldn't notice the difference between the water and your tears only made you feel frustrated. You took a deep breath but it ended up stocking your throat, making your chest feel compressed for a moment. You tried to keep your eyes open but the moment they closed your memories started to haunt you again.
Spending time with someone means they will enter the same train as you, they will enter from the first station by your side or they will enter after a few, sometimes even halfway or even at the end. But just as they enter there will be people that will only last one and most of the time making peace with that is not easy.
How could you make peace when one moment she was there with you and the next she was taken away from you?
With the water running through your face you start to carve the skin on your face. All her words echoing not only in your head, but in all the rooms of a place that once were your home.
The both of you were outside the door of your apartment. The lights of the hall were completely off thanks to the lack of movement and you were greatly thankful for that.
The two of you were sitting on the floor. Wanda was behind you with her back against the wall while you were in front of her but in the same position as her. She cupped you with her body from behind. The only sound that existed in your surroundings were only your sobs and the way you tried to control your breathing, the last failing miserably. Your lover caressed your back with one hand while with the other she embraced you from behind.
Worry and concern fill her face while furrowing her eyebrows by not knowing what to do to calm yourself. With a deep breath she moves your head out of your knees and moves it to rest on her shoulder.
“What do we do when we don’t see any further?”
Your tears form a trail running down your cheeks and end up in the chest of your lover. She feels powerless for not being able to remove the pain from your heart, but if something she learned from being with you was not to give up.
“Come on Дорогой, what do we do when we feel wrong?” She whispers leaving a kiss on your temple.
“We try to see the things we’ve accomplished…” You respond in the same tone.
“That 's right.”
“But it feels so dark right now…”
Just like a pup who lost its way you turn your head to face your lover. Finding her eyes in the darkness your heart stops a little and for a brief moment all the pain and drowning feeling fades away and with the sweetest tone she closes the distance and joining your foreheads she responds to you.
“Then we make new ones. Come on, get up baby.”
Frowning at her you see how she gets up and next takes your hands just to help you get up. The lights of the hallway turn on and she sees you. You try to cover your face with your hands but she stops you from doing so and instead she starts to make a path of kisses following the same trail of your tears. Not only in a fond way, but with a lot of devotion and love, leaving every kiss reassuring her love and support for you.
“I want you to count the steps from where you are to the door, okay Дорогой?”
You humm in response and take the keys from her hand.
.
One. Two. Three. Four.
When you’re in front of the door you start to search for the key that opens the front door. You’re still crying but at least you can take a few breaths. When you open the door you move a step back to allow her to come in, but she shakes her head and tells you to move first.
“How many steps baby?”
“Four. Six if you count the ones we took to enter.”
“So with six steps we are in a warm and secure space, a space that you’ve worked really hard to get…” She says while taking off her jacket, when she is finished she turns to you and helps you do the same motion. Before you could say anything, the grumble of your stomach attracts her attention. “How many steps to the kitchen Love?”
Between your tears and sobs you look at her in confusion. You think she’ll notice it and will explain it to you, but by the way she looks back at you, you know you’ll have to wait. In defeat you start walking and feel how her hand takes yours and follows from behind.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.
When you get to the kitchen you stop and turn around to see her, but she takes the lead and starts to take some ingredients from the fridge. She made a move with her head inviting you to come and help her and without thought you approached her only to be received with a hug. You help her cook your favorite meal and without noticing from one moment to another you’re the one cooking everything and she’s sitting on the other side of the island with a cup of wine in her hand.
Everytime you cut some ingredient or check the pan to avoid turning your apartment into the new room of Satan, the feeling of comfort in each action starts to warm your chest in a way that the tears that fall from your eyes are no longer only of sadness. A kiss on your cheek takes you back out of your thoughts and makes you smile.
When the food was ready and you served it, staring at your wife, a homely sentiment rushed through all your body. When the both of you were seated, she asked you the same question she did when you entered the apartment before you started to eat.
“How many steps did you take from the entrance to the kitchen?”
“What is this?” You leave the fork on the plate while you look at her defeated.
“Sometimes…” She begins to talk looking at you carefully. “Maybe sometimes, to focus on our goals we need to take care of ourselves. Sometimes to make something external we first need to take care of ourselves. Sometimes taking good care of ourselves can help us see things differently. It will represent a challenge but starting with little things will make you start your track. I’m not saying it’s in all cases, but sometimes it’s a good beginning.”
She got up from her chair, and walking around the table she tried to pull you up. You were definitely not in the mood and the internal conflict on your chest was already taking much of your energy.
“I still haven’t picked up the table.” You look at her reluctantly and unintentionally a pout forms on your face while looking all the way except hers. She mimics your gesture and starts closing the distance while taking you from the hips.
“Don’t worry, I’ll pick them up later” She says with a fake concern.
“But it’s important…”
“You are important детка”
You had sold the car, so you started taking the subway to work after all. You remember very little of the first few weeks you used it.You would only look up to see where to put your ticket or card and look at the directions to see which one would drop you off at work. You avoided people's gazes and only looked at your shoes, the bustle of people was what kept you distracted from your thoughts but they had already consumed you by obscuring everything around you unless it was your front view.
It was hurtful to see your most precious dreams being accomplished by other people when yours were taken from your fingers. It wasn’t just looking at couples or families leaving his kids at school or people with their pets. It was so much more. Someone smiling from a bad joke observing the admiration and happiness in people's eyes. The protectiveness over the most precious part of their life by avoiding strong pushes or covering the other with their own body. The joy of watching people making short dancing moves or parting their lips to lip sync a song. How could you look at them when you always look at her doing the same?
It was staring directly to a place where you no longer belong. The light that place once showed and shone upon you faded months ago and unfortunately for you, you weren’t able to go back.
“I know детка…”
“I know детка…”
Suddenly your gaze snapped ahead. For a brief moment your heart skip. Your breath hitched while your eyes looked all over the place. By the corner of your eyes you caught a color that you knew better than life itself. The way the curls of her hair moved only made your body flinch and try to get closer to it.
How more desperate one can get and how much deception a broken heart can bear?
Before you could reach the woman in front of you, she turned and for a brief moment, just for a brief moment, with all your might wish time could stop. The smile you used to wake up every morning, the wrinkle of her nose when she tried to get her way, the joy and light on her eyes she always shared with you every time she looked at you.
The subway stopped midway before getting to the next station. It was a strong and abrupt movement. All the people in the subway shooked aggressively, you hold yourself to avoid tripping, but unfortunately, plans are not always what we want. The woman you saw tripped and without thinking your body moved to catch her, you cover her from behind and receive the slam by making contact not only with the floor, but also with the shoes of the people around you.
After a few seconds, both of you stay on the floor until you regain some sense and try to compose yourself by sitting up straight, but in doing so, the woman who was still disoriented laid on your legs while you were still holding her in your arms. And for the second time of the day your mind reminded you not only that she was no longer with you, but how you lost her.
Move.
Please, I’m telling you to move.
People were running all over the place. Shouts came from everywhere and I just couldn’t move. Even though I wanted to move my legs to advance, they were completely static. Tightness in my chest makes it painful to breathe. After the sound of a second shot comes my eyes immediately searches for the woman that was no longer beside me. My blood runs cold when my sight finds her laying on the floor, and as if that were the signal, my body falls to its knees in front of her.
When my hands move her to see if she’s conscious she lets out a grumble full of pain. Immediately I cupped her face with one of my hands to gain her focus but she didn't. With my gaze, I scan her body to look for a wound and my stomach drops when I see how the color of her shirt is completely red, full of blood in her abdomen. I look back at her when I feel how my shirt is being pulled against her direction.
“Don’t”
“детка”
“No, stop. You can’t talk right now.”
The sound of something crashing followed by two shots makes me cover her, trying to do the one thing I couldn’t before.
“Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you…”
The lump in my throat makes me choke with my breathing. How could she smile in a situation like this?
“No, you’re not leaving me. You can’t say something like that in this kind of situation.”
Searching for a way of keeping her with me I drag her on top of my legs while embracing her to make some pressure on the wound and hold on until the paramedics come.
“There are so many things left unsaid. So many things to do. There is so much love left to be shown… SOMEONE BRING HELP!” You hold her even tighter against your body.
“Loo-” Not even finishing her first word, blood came out. Spilling out of her mouth and drops of it ending on my skin.
How can I stay still while I feel how she’s fading away…? Why is she slipping through my fingers?
The warmth on my cheek makes me turn only to find her at the same level of my eyes.
“You are hurting yourself even more, please don’t move until the attention comes.” You say with leading eyes joining your foreheads while kissing her with desperation.
When you finish she tries to comply, but you look her straight in the eyes interrupting her.
“We’ve come complete into this life but you added to mine so much joy and light that not even in thousands I would be able to return it to you and show you how much love, respect and admiration I have for you, so please, don’t go yet.” I reached over the hand that covered my cheek while tears ran down my face. “Please let me keep making everyday better than the last. Let me hear your worries and sorrows. Let me make you laugh and help you in every need you have. Let me support you on your failures and celebrate your success. Let me hold the world around you every time it suffocates you and let me watch you when you finally conquer it. Let me be under your warmth today, tomorrow and the days to come… ”
The smile she gives you desperates you even more like being thrown to the sea, with an iron ball strapped to your feet, and even though you know you will not survive, you still try to swim up to the surface. You know by the look and tears forming on her eyes she recognises the words said, because they were the same you vow to fulfill the day you both attached your lives together.
“Using your vows to gaslight me and God so you can keep me here with you?” She says in a cheeky way making you laugh between tears.
“I would do everything to keep you with me, Love.” You looked at her like all those times before. Just like everytime you adored her. Your wife’s heart melted by the softness of your words, showing it by the tender look she gifted you. You furrow your brows in pure pain as you feel her thumbs brushing away your tears. The impulse to look away is very strong inside you, but not wanting to stop accompanying her in all possible ways during her last moments makes you leave a kiss on her forehead. “I just want you to know…”
“I know детка…” The words pierce your heart and internally you start praying for someone to come and help your wife in the despair of not wanting to move her any further.
“I’ll be fine” You move your head to kiss the palm of her hand only to turn your gaze and fix her again on her eyes.
“Thank you for sharing your time with me. Thank you for letting me be by your side. Thank you for having so much patience and bringing me so much comfort.” The exhaustion on her face it’s more notorious as her skin becomes paler. “Thank you for being by my side every step of the way, good or bad, thank you for always being my support. Thank you for making every wish I had a reality… And I’m so sorry for not having much time”
The tears that once formed on her eyes finally made their presence on her face. You start leaving kisses in the same places the tears were falling. Her hand holding onto your clothes not wanting to let go of you. .
“Wanda Maximoff you’re the love of my life and will always be. The love I have for you is greater than the pain so please don’t feel any sorrow.”
“You mean the world to me”
“You are my world”
“I love you детка”
“I love you Дорогой”
With eyes fully closed and smooth but passionate moves, you both kissed. With tenderness, love and history behind. In your mind you tried to record the feeling of her hand making you close to her as she caressed your face. You tried to keep how her weight felt against your body and the way your body received her, and just like all those times and years before, the both of you were one.
And in that instant everything stopped.
The warmth you were familiar with dissipated. The hand that held you hundreds of times was no longer pulling you against her and her presence was nowhere to be found. Your breath caught in your throat as you embraced her body against your own. And just as the closing act, you felt her last breath against your skin. You moved her towards you, and as you kept doing it, a part of you got lost as you felt her body not responding and her weight following the law of gravity, trying to stay on the floor.
You pressed her with strength onto your chest, your breathing becoming more and more out of control as you are unable to get the air you need. Your cheek pressed against her temple, holding her like every night and morning you had shared, just as you had done just a couple of hours before.
Why like this? There were so many things unsaid. Why today? So many things left unmade. Why take her away from you? You’ve promised each other so much time. Why not take you with her? All the plans you both looked forward to accomplish.
You were lost and the only thing you could hold onto was her. It was always her. The guttural scream that came out of your body was noticed by the police, two of them saw the lake of blood you were sitting in, and then noticed the body you were grasping. By the radio they called two paramedics to enter the place, but your mind was only focused on the woman in your arms to even care about them.
With fondness you brush her chin trying to remove the blood and end up nestling her against your neck so she could rest in her favorite place.
Seconds…
Minutes…
Hours…
Years…
Centuries…
Eternity…
You didn’t count the time and you didn’t care anymore.
“Ma’am are you alright? We need you to please move.”
Ignoring him you chose to hang on to your wife for a little longer, but it seems that even for grieving there’s no time.
“We need to check your status and take the woman you’re holding to the hospital”
When the man tries to reach out, you slap his hand without leaving your eyes from the lifeless face of your wife.
“You wait for her to bleed out…” You chuckled bitterly making the paramedics to down their gazes. “I’m sure you can wait longer.”
“Ma’am are you alright?”
When you came back to your senses the woman was no longer on the phone and she was looking straight at you. The woman points to your face and when your fingertips touch your cheeks, you notice a trail of tears coming from your right side. Your attention shifts to the woman's concern, but you quickly snap out of your astonishment and a smile forms on your face, the people around you help you both up and before she can say anything to you the subway moves forward again and you arrive at the station.
Once again, after a long day and a long time you were facing your apartment’s door, barely. The urge to call Kate and ask her if you could crash at her place was great but you knew it was too much, she didn’t have a problem with it, but you knew trying to avoid this place wasn’t of any good. Also sleeping in hotel rooms and with other of your friends only made you realize how many times in the last 4 years you had actually been in this place.
“Six steps to be in an empty space.”
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.
Without even opening the door completely, her smell punched you in the face making your knees falter. With trembling steps you crossed the frame door and facing the wall started to take off your shoes. The moment you hand touched the wall instead of dropping the shoes, the thing that dropped was your stomach by watching the post-it and the words written on it.
My heart belongs to you.
Hurt. Pain. Rage. Sadness. Grief. Lost. Misery. Crushed.
All at once came to you in all directions.
Images of a place full of joy and warmth.
“STOP!”
Without thinking you took the piece of paper in your hand and crushed it with it. Throwing it in a direction you never wanted to go back. Only twelve steps were needed to get to the kitchen and four to get to the living room, but only nine were needed to take you back to a place you would always have found her embrace. Your gaze flinched when you saw the paper on the frame of the principal room and with regret you threw yourself at the last physical proof of her love for you.
You’re down now, but not because you’re weak, or you lack something… You’re human and it’s alright to fall, just don’t stay down…
Her voice echoing in your head as you held tightly the paper with her handwriting on it.
“I have stained your memory” Restrained to your own guilt the words came like a murmur.
There are no other arms I would rather be held into…
“No place or time is enough without you.” With unbearable pain you brought your knees to your chest while with both hands you held the paper, wishing that it would somehow wrap around your heart and give back a little of what was left of her.
“And still you’ve been able to live… Have you forgotten my words детка?”
With sad and glossy eyes, just like a blur again, for the second time you got to see her again. The desire and impulse to move forward and take her between your arms overwhelms you but even though you want to do it your body doesn’t move.
You see her and the moment you notice her hand approaching you your breath hitch.
“Uff… I don’t think we are in bed for you to be doing those kind of noise, детка”
She is looking at you while wiggling her brows seductively while biting her lips, when her hand finally touches you, your heart skips. Your brain pauses for a moment trying to comprehend everything that is happening, but sometimes the heart is faster than the mind and with just one movement, a brief decision, even with fear… You lean into her touch.
The fear of your head falling into nowhere faded away as you felt the warmth of your lover once again. Watching into her eyes after 4 years of sadness, you truly laugh. Your wife's gestures soften as she sees you smile once again.
With a broken heart you begged with all your might. “Please don’t go.”
She stretched your legs and sat on your lap, she cupped your face and kissed your forehead only to nestle your head on her chest.
“Even if you’re a dream, at least until I’m gone… Let me have you in my dreams each night until I’m gone.” Feeling her body against you like all those times was overwhelming. It had been four years and feeling his body against yours again provoked a sea of emotions. How should you feel, what should you feel? and most importantly, what should you do?
How many times have you thought about holding her against you one more time? All the scenarios you once did were just that, images and places in your imagination that faded away. She was with you and again you didn't know what to do.
“What is with that face, Дорогой?” Gently she removed some hairs away from your hair and with her thumb started to caress your frown. “Sweetly as you look, frowning and crying, I really would love to see you smile my Love. For me?” You groaned and decided to rest on her neck, breathing the essence you longed for everyday. “Are you crying because I took your favorite hoodie?”
The comment came out of nowhere, it was something so simple and silly that the only thing you did was burst with laughter. You took her by her waist with both hands and if possible close the distance between both. For the first time in the situation you saw without blur and appreciated her curvy hair and the way it fell from her shoulders, with the tip of your fingers you felt the material of the clothes she was wearing and by separating from her chest you saw that she was actually using your clothes.
Returning to your place you leave short kisses on her neck and at the beginning of her collarbone, breathing her softly you started to go up again and kissing her jawline you got to her chin and finding her eyes, her beautiful green deep eyes, you saw how she looked at you, her eyes falling to your lips and returning to your gaze and for no reason, without being able to ask for it you saw and understand the desire in her eyes because it was the same desire that had been shaped in your soul and you begged for it to come.
Her breath hitch when she noticed the steady hold round her waist. You brushed your lips against hers when you felt her hands falling to your shoulders. The warmth sigh coming from her made your whole body shiver, for a moment the longing overpowered you and with urge you finally kissed her.
She wrapped her arms around your neck and caressed the back of your neck. She deepened the kiss with necessity and the control you once thought you had, gave up completely as you let her take over your mouth… But what else could you do if you had always been hers?
Between the kiss both of you were smiling, breathlessly and reluctantly you separated a little only for her to continue kissing you on your cheeks and jaw.
“I’ve been loving you for more time that I’ve been missing you. For 15 years you have taken not only my clothes and food but you.” Taking her hands into yours, you start to leave kisses on her knuckles. “ You have engraved your name in my heart and soul that I’m yours.”
The resolve in your eyes made her hug you tightly. You were the most important and not even in death she had forgotten you. Trying to secure you from any harm she took you into her arms and with your legs wrapped around her hips, she led you to the room that saw you both grow, not only into each other's feelings but as a person.
When you both reached the bed, she left you sitting on the edge, kneeling in front of you.
The only illumination the room had was the light that came through the curtains from the street, you didn’t know how long the both of you stayed in that position but having her, looking at you intently and completely mesmerized by all your being made you feel overwhelmed. You try to turn your face away but then in a swift move you are now laid on the bed with her on top of you.
“Don’t be ashamed of your beauty.” She ghosted her lips against yours but before she could kiss you, a pillow hit her making her falter and fall next to you.
Amused by your actions she tilted her head and looking at you she said “Oh, you really don’t want to start this baby.”
“I think I do.” You wiggle your brows and throw her another pillow. “Maybe in the end you were really a pillow princess considering how you’re hugging them.”
You heard her grumble and say something between teeths before throwing the pillow at you and throwing another one that you couldn't dodge. You looked at her with fake surprise but charged against you with her body and started to tickle in your waist while with her mouth stuck to your skin he blew loudly, making the funniest and most disgusting noises you had ever heard.
After a few minutes when you finally surrendered and admitted voluntary, AKA forced to admit you were the true pillow princess. You were now resting with your body being hugged by her, calm filled your body by the way her hand caressed your head while the others were tangled with yours. Your eyes fixed in her hand made you head start to think about everything that had happened until now. Was this some kind of dream? Were you drunk? Maybe intoxicated?
You started to frown again, calling the attention of your lover immediately. She shook your hands a little and when you looked at her again she kissed your forehead making you relax.
“What is in that little head of yours?”
“Nothing my love.” You lifted your head a little and kissed her on her chin.
“You don’t have to fear, I won’t leave unless you want me to.” Her words were soft, but her grip on you became stronger and firmer while saying the last words.
“I don’t want you to leave.” In broken voice and broken heart. You turn yourself completely now facing your lover whispering with a brittle voice. “I want this to be real… I want this to be so real.”
“This is as real as you want it to be.” She sinks your body against her and tenderly starts to caress your back, making little patterns with her fingers over your shirt. “I won’t leave.
And being by each other once more, embracing one another the same way your souls were attached. That’s how when the light of the sunrise filtered on the room found them. You were peacefully sleeping on the chest of your lover with your head nesting on her neck. Your arms holding her by the waist and your legs wrapped around each other. Leight on the other hand was still awake, she was still caressing your back and appreciating the way she was holding you once more.
She kissed your temple and decided just to look at you one last time before tracing your face. Only being able to see you when you came to this place was her own personal hell. You only came to this place when you couldn’t bear the pain, so for the last four years she had seen you cry, begg, rage, sorrow and try again only to fall. But now everything was different, you were at peace, happy. She saw you laugh again and love, you both experienced the joy of sharing more time with one another and she was at ease knowing that those moments were the ones resting in your memories.
When the sun's rays fully illuminated the room, giving you a smile, he woke you up, caressing your cheek gently. Your eyes fluttered with excitement at the sight of your lover, she wrinkled her nose before getting close enough to rub it with yours making you laugh.
“Can I come with you?” You said sheepishly with a little voice.
“I wouldn’t want it any other way Дорогой.”
She leaned into you and brushed her lips softly as she kissed you. Your body tremble under her hold and instinctively your body curved against her, little giggles left your lips when feeling the tips of her fingers at the back of your neck.
Little both you noticed when your bodies disappeared under the light, leaving in the room only the vague memories of a love that met their end tragically but found again to continue maybe in another place or another time. But your lover had kept her promise she made on her vows the best as she could after death, and protected you to have a rest without sorrow.
If she had to choose between you passing away believing you did it in your lover's arms or telling you it was that morning on the subway, the answer was clear for her.
You were so immersed in your world that morning trying to avoid the pain of your aching heart, that you didn’t notice the commotion in your wagon. The darkness on your sigh making you focus only on your feet made you unaware of the person on the other half of the wagon with a gun. But the moment you heard that woman calling the lovely nickname your wife told you years back was the thing that made you react.
“I know детка…”
For the first time in years, you noticed not only a glimpse of the love of your life, but the fear of the people that usually shared the subway at the same time that you did. The smiles and laugh that once made you remember where no longer there. The music and the gestures of happiness and hope were replaced with panic and horror.
When your eyes focused on the guy with the gun you saw how the woman was moving directly towards him making you react to the danger of her actions. She had someone. She had someone who she needed to return to.In your heart you couldn’t bear the idea of someone living the same hell as you. So when you tried to stop the woman from moving forward the man was already pointing his gun at her, you let your things fall into the floor and covered the woman with your body.
After that everything went pretty fast.
For a moment, you felt relieved.
The blasting of the gun resonated in all the wagon.
The subway stopped making all the people in the wagon, including you, stumble and fall.
The people took the gun away and between three men held him against the floor.
The sound of the gunshot had left you with a ringing in your ears that increased or decreased as you moved your head. Dazed, you tried to get up again, failing as you were leaning on one of the tubes inside the wagon, you felt hands touching your left shoulder, but the mere act of turning around made you want to vomit. Trying to find focus, the first place you found was the woman in front of you. You watched as her lips moved, but no words reached your ears.
Everytime you blinked, the image in front of you changed. It was like a battle between the image of the woman and the face of your wife. You closed your eyes for a little trying to focus again and while doing so your ears and mind were oblivious of the concern and worry of the people surrounding you, things like ‘She’s in shock’ ‘She needs help’ ‘She’s losing too much blood’ were words that were never registered in you.
When you finally opened your eyes the spark on the eyes you well knew received you once again. A little chuckle left your lips before moving yourself a little only to appreciate the face you had longed for. For brief moment you were once again on that stupid shop were you loose her but this time she wasn’t dead, actually she was infront of you as if the situation never had ocurred. You quickly look for any harm or any wound, your eyes roaming her body searching any trail of blood on her clothes or skin, but you only discover her smiling at you brightly.
Caressing her cheeks fearing of hurting her you started to cry in relief. She looked at you confused but you could only be grateful in the situation. “Thank you for allowing me to be me this time and protect you.” Those were your last words before you bleed out on the wagon of the city that once were the vivid image of all your dreams. And the only way the woman could repay you for protecting her was cleaning the falling tears of your eyes.
The thing with death is that sometimes the souls don’t accept nor notice what has happened to them. Especially when your soul is always looking for something, or someone. So when the train gets to the station after stopping you continue your day as usual, the only thing changing is you visiting your apartment after so long. But as souls that once came together, they always find their way back.
Maybe in another life or another time you could live once again with the love of your life. Nobody knew when or where but there was certainty in this. Particularly because you were gonna gaslight God himself if necessary to make it happen.
But at least for the time being, before you both crossed the light, you were with her and she was with you. And honestly, nothing else really mattered.