Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Pretty Setter Squad

6:37 PM

Akaashi: Please may I have everyone’s attention, I just had a life altering moment that everyone must know about

Kenma: Fuck off

Oikawa: Do not be mean to my one true love but in *setter font*

Kenma: Excuse me? what??

Oikawa: have you not noticed Akashi and Iwa-chan look similar?? 

Same but different vibe

I won't hear another word about it 

Kageyama: Agreed.

Kenma: agree not to hear another word or that they look similar?

Kageyama: Both, Oikawa is right.

Oikawa: Ew punctuation Tobio-chann

Totally lame

Kageyama: But you use question marks. I don’t see the difference.

Oikawa: (╯ ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)╯┻━┻

Ill kill you you little bitch

Akaashi: HELLO SPEAKING OF KILLING 

Atsumu: ?? This better be good 

Akashi: Kenma is crazy.

Yahaba: I barely know him and I agree

Kageyama: I know him well enough to totally agree and Hinata seconds this.

Atsumu: TELL HINATA I SAID HI!

Kenma: Oh me too

Oikawa: Well I can’t let those losers steal Chibi-chans attention so count me in!

Kageyama: No, okay, and okay.

Atsumu: (╯ ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)╯┻━┻

Ill kill you you little bitch

Oikawa: FUck off piss head

Only I can flip the table and only i can be mean to Tobio-chan

Akaashi: … the tension rn… 

Akaashi: ANYWAYS Let me explain everything it’ll take a second to type out

Everyone shut up so I can type

Kenma: Do not believe anything this person tells you, it is all fake

6:45 PM

Akaashi: so after practice we were going to get dinner so Kenma and Kuroo met up at our school but I hurt my ankle during practice so I was going to just taxi into town instead of walking

Kenma came with me because he was tired and Bo and Kuroo walked for the eXeRcIsE

Kenma: “BO” gag

Akaashi: Ignored. PS for those who do not know, kenma and I are not the tallest or beefiest highschoolers (for context)

Kenma: I'll concede that this is true so far

Akaashi: anyways we get about halfway before we both notice they way this guy is going doesn’t seem right and he is taking us in a weird direction to a sketchy part of town

Akaashi: the guy slows down near an empty looking building and at this point im shitting a brick

Akaashi: and do you know WHAT THIS BITCH DOES 

Oikawa: wtf WHICH bitch?

Akaashi: OUR BITCH. KENMA KOZUME. 

Akaashi: this creep of a driver practically starts monologuing like a villain about getting into strangers cars and his vibe honestly was like kidnap us, sell us, or murder us

THEN KENMA WHIPS OUT A STUN GUN

Oikawa: …

Kageyama: …

Yahaba: …

Atsumu:...

Semi: …

Suga: …

Kenma: Hi semi and suga how are you?

Akaashi: CORK IT KENMA

Akaashi: he whips out this stun gun thing and starts zapping it under his chin like he is telling a ghost story at a campfire. It was terrifying and Im his friend

He looks this man dead in the eyes and says “I am mentally unstable, the middle child, and one minor inconvenience away from committing double homicide. I'll start with you, tase you until you pass out, melt your eyeballs, and make you drink it like soup

Atsumu: like soup?

Kageyama: What kind of soup?

Kenma: eyeball soup for the daft bastard

Akaashi: ALL OF YALL ARE CRAZY WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING OUT

Suga: Im with akaashi on this one, what the fuck

Are you guys okay like you were almost kidnapped or something 

Yahaba: right?! Where are you two? Did you get away?

Akaashi: IT GETS BETTER!

HE SCARED THE GUY SO SHITLESS HE DROVE US BACK TO TOWN AND APOLOGIZED FOR THE INCONVENIENCE 

Kenma: smart man. one minor inconvenience away i tell you 

Oikawa: how scary is kenma holy shit i dont think I’ve ever seen him in person

Atsumu: kitten vibes

Kageyama: calculating kitten vibes

Semi: unhinged calculating kitten vibes

Suga: unhinged calculating kitten that would eat your face if you died vibes

Oikawa: ok yeah sure that toooootally makes sense

Yahaba: yeah, said no one

[Akashi sends selfie of himself, Kenma, Kuroo, and Bokoto]

Akaashi: with the blonde hair

Oikawa: pretty kitty 

He looks so soft compared to you three

Yahaba: you fool that man could kill each and every one of us all in night and not leave a trace

Atsumu: do you know this from experience?

Yahaba: look into his eyes in that picture

It practically screams “ill kill you with a smile on my face and your blood in my mouth”

Suga: Oikawa, if you go missing i have the first suspect already 

Oikawa: Yahaba you are SO MEAN to worry Mr. Refreshing-kun

Kenma: Yahaba that’s such a nice compliment btw

You are safe

Everyone else who called me a cat tho

Sleep with both eyes open