Chapter Text
The fire burned low in his office as he stood next to the fireplace having one last drink before turning in late after a festive Solstice. It had dawned on him as everyone was opening presents that this was the twentieth one without her, without him. Twenty years since he had shared the longest night of the year with his mate. Twenty years since his last snowball fight, as the two brothers didn't have the heart to continue it when one was gone.
It had been unthinkable to Rhys that she would go first. If they couldn't go together, he always assumed he would be the one to die first. After Nyx was born, they saw the folly in thinking they could keep their death pact-- If one goes, they both go. After Lucien had discovered who his father truly was, he learned to hone his spell-cleaving gift, surpassing even his father. It was hard letting go of the bargain he had made with Feyre, but as Lucien performed the necessary magic, they both knew it was right.
It had been right, but gods dammit, he was supposed to go first. Now here he was, alone, for twenty years. Her portrait still hung in his office, reminding him of her beauty and smile, but it was not enough. He could not speak with her, hear her laugh, and tease him. He could not love her and hold her. Twenty years of an empty cold bed, and he still had not gotten used to it.
The laughter from downstairs had lessened, meaning many had gone home or to bed. He had left the room over an hour ago, unable to take any more of the scene in front of him. It wasn't the laughter that bothered him. He was glad everyone could smile and enjoy the holiday, especially Nyx. His son was grown now but still so young. His grief of losing his mother would always be there, but Rhys never wanted him to lose his joyful spirit.
Nyx had always been laughing since he was able. A remarkable child, Rhys thought could sense how blessed he was not only to live but to live in a place surrounded by so many who loved him. It was not one-sided. Nyx loved them all back. When he was younger, he reveled in their attentions, whether it was kisses from Mor, flying lessons from Cassian and Azriel, walks with Nesta, or even reading with Amren. He loved them all, but none so much as his quiet, sweet aunt, who would take time to let him dig in her garden or ruin numerous loaves of bread. Besides his parents, Rhys was sure Nyx cared for no one as much as he did his Aunt Elain.
Feyre always said it made sense. The rest of them were all wonderful but, as she put it, a bit too much at times. Amren, Cassian, and Nesta all tended to lose their patience at times. Mor was almost too cherry and loud, and Azriel very tentative. Elain was the perfect blend of peace and fun.
"Out of the three of us, I always thought Elain was made to be a mother most of all," Feyre mused one day as she and Rhys stood at the office window watching Nyx and Elain dig in the garden.
"You are a wonderful mother, darling," said Rhys.
"I do my best, and I do love him, but it is as if she was almost created to be a mother. She has a patience and maternal instinct that comes naturally."
She did, and it was a pity she never got the chance. She had wanted to try but never convinced Azriel. He had been too worried about the consequences should their child have wings. She tried to tell them the risk was worth it, but he wouldn't relent. In the end, she said that being with him was worth it, and they settled down together in the townhouse, Elain saying she was perfectly happy to be the best aunt she could to all the children her sisters managed to produce.
Cassian and Nesta never seemed in a hurry, not until lately, and though Rhys and Feyre had hoped for another one, it never happened. So Elain threw all her maternal attention to Nyx, and Rhys was grateful for it, especially now. Though Nyx was mostly grown when he lost his mother, he was still young and so tenderhearted. Thank the Cauldron that Elain had survived the sickness that spread through the land, killing so many Fae, Faeries, and humans. Rhys wasn't sure Nyx could have taken losing his beloved aunt after losing his mother.
Elain did live though Rhys thought she might not at first. Despite having the cure available, thanks to Elain's research and work, she was lost in grief and guilt as much as the disease. She was devastated she had been too late to save Azriel and Feyre. Ranting over and over that, why should she live when her wonderful sister had died. How could she go on without the only male she had ever truly loved.
Rhys had finally joined Nesta in begging her to live, telling her he couldn't take any more loss. That she was not to blame for Feyre or Azriel's deaths. They all needed her. He truly believed it was Nyx who refused to leave her side for a moment that brought her through. It was as if the bond between them kept her in the land of the living long enough for her to recover.
She overcame her illness and then moved back into the River House. She said she would watch over Nyx and Rhys for Feyre, and she did. She cooked for them and created a lavish garden like had never been seen in the Night Court. She helped Rhys handle court business, sometimes hosting parties and meals with Mor's help. She even went with the court each time to the Court of Nightmares, perfecting her looks of disdain that was so foreign on her lovely face that it sometimes made Rhys want to break his character and laugh.
She did it all, and she had become invaluable to him, not just as a member of his court but as his friend and companion. She stayed up late nights with him, playing chess or quietly reading. She had taken up playing the piano, something she had learned in her youth, and Rhys spent hours peacefully listening to her play. She traveled back and forth to camps in Illyria with him and Nyx, staying in his mother's old home while they trained, always providing a warm meal after a hard day's work.
She created something he didn't think he would ever have again after Feyre died, and that was a steadiness to his life, a rhythm. She was indispensable, which is why the current situation created by Mor and Amren had made him so livid that he could barely stand to be in the same room with them all at Solstice.
"Elain is young, Rhys. Much younger than any of us," Mor had said one evening in the late fall. "She cannot waste the rest of her life here, seeing to your every whim."
"She does not see to my every whim," said Rhys angrily. "She has a stable home that she enjoys. Everyone she loves is here. She is not unhappy." He paused. "Has she told you she is unsatisfied?"
"Of course not," said Amren. "When has she ever complained about anything? She would sleep on a bed of nails if it pleased some of us and never ask why, but you have to see how she is wasted here, Rhysand. She deserves another chance."
"A chance at what?"
"At love, a home, children," said Mor. She sighed. "I know how much she loved Azriel, but he is gone. I promised him on his death bed that I would watch over her, see that she was happy, and understand that she was free to love another. Now she has a chance of having something that is hers, a family of her own."
"How?" asked Rhys. "What are you talking about?"
Mor and Amren exchanged looks. "Varian says that Tarquin is ready to take another wife. As you know, his first wife died in the plague without giving him children. He is ready to move on and very interested in courting Elain."
"Tarquin? And Elain?" Rhys rubbed his eyes. "She would live in the Summer Court."
"She would be the Lady of the Summer Court," said Amren. "A comfortable position for her, and it would strengthen our alliance with Tarquin."
"Our alliance is strong enough with Tarquin." Rhys looked at Amren. "Unless you have something to tell me. You haven't grown bored with Varian and sent him away, have you?"
"Of course not. I am nothing if not loyal. I thought you would have figured that out by now."
"I have no interest in using members of my family to further some alliance," said Rhys with distaste.
"A change from the past then," replied Mor with narrowed eyes.
"I was wrong then. I know it. I've already admitted it was wrong, and it worked out."
"They lost time, Rhys, years because of your actions. Time that we know was very precious."
Rhys blew out a puff of air and sat back in his chair. He had long felt guilty for keeping Elain and Azriel apart, but he had valid reasons. She had a mate. It was a precarious situation, and he didn't want Azriel or Elian to get hurt. He couldn't have foreseen how it would turn out.
"Now you have a chance to make up for this wrong and see that Elain is settled and happy for centuries. Tarquin is a good male. He will take care of her. He could give her children. You know she has always desired to be a mother."
"Have you spoken to Elain about this?"
"A little," admitted Mor. "I asked her if she would like to visit the Summer Court for a while, get out of Velaris and see Prythian."
"And what did she say?"
Mor looked away. "She was afraid you had put me up to it. She thought maybe you had grown tired of her."
"I hope you let her know that wasn't the case."
"Of course, I did," snapped Mor. "But…" She sighed. "Rhys, separating her from your house may not be a bad thing."
"What do you mean?"
"There is talk," said Amren. "Lots of talk, rumors of what goes on in this house when it is just the two of you."
"What goes on between us? What do people think is happening."
"I don't want to be crass, but I don't want to mince words either. She is being called your whore by almost all of the Court of Nightmares and even some in the city."
Rhys immediately sat up, a low growl coming out of his throat. "They wouldn't dare speak so of her. Don't they realize all she did for them? How many of their pathetic lives she saved?"
"Even those who are immortal are quick to forget for an interesting tale," said Mor. "Poor Elain has long been the victim of false rumors. You know what they said about her after Lucien broke that strange bond between them. Most believe Lucien threw her over for a human queen. "
"It was Elain's choice as much as his, and Vassa wasn't even human by then. Elain had Made her by then to save her from her curse."
"We know, Rhysand," said Amren. "This court and all the decent people of Velaris have always defended Elain, but those rumors have plagued her ever since. When Azriel was alive, most wouldn't dare say such things, but since his death, many have been much more open voicing their opinions, even to her."
"Are you saying that they say these things to Elain's face?"
"You know how it is, Rhys. They allude to it and whisper loudly when she is around. My parents are both rather good at letting her know just how disgraceful they find her."
Rhys stood up and walked to the fireplace before turning back to them. "She never told me any of this."
"Of course, she hasn't," said Amren. "She knows how you would react and what good would it do? She knows the truth, and that is good enough for her."
"But this new rumor is especially hurtful. After all she has done for this court, for all of us, I can't imagine the embarrassment she is feeling. As if she would ever consider it. As if you would." Mor shook her head.
Rhys looked up quickly. It seemed most had assumed he was taking Elain to his bed. He sighed. He would be lying if he said he never thought about it. A few nights, when he had drunk too much and wallowed in his loneliness, he couldn't help but notice how alluring she was. How soft her curves looked. How beautiful she was in the moonlight as she looked out at her garden.
"Rhysand," said Amren carefully. "You haven't done it, have you? You haven't seduced Elain?"
"Seduced her? No, never."
Mor stood up and walked closer to him. "Has anything ever happened between you?"
Rhys looked at his cousin, knowing how hard it was to lie to her. There were times he thought maybe something could happen between him and Elain. When they sat on the sofa late at night, Elain partaking in her vice of hard liquor, laughing together, or just sitting quietly, he had felt something in the air, as if he just leaned towards her, maybe she would lean back. That maybe she had the same thoughts as him.
"Nothing has happened, Mor," he responded quietly.
"Rhys, if you….if you have certain feelings for her, I don't think it would be wrong," Mor said gently. "It is only natural. She is a beautiful, sweet female, and you two have been through so much together."
"I said nothing has happened, and I meant it," said Rhys a little more forcefully than he meant. "She has never once shown any interest, and you know…" He swallowed. "You know it has been impossible for me even to begin to think about that after losing Feyre."
Mor continued using her gentle tone. "It's been twenty years, Rhys. She wouldn't expect you to be lonely for the rest of your life. She would understand."
Rhys shook his head. "Enough of this. Now, does Elain wish to go and be courted by Tarquin?"
Mor sighed before walking back to her chair and sitting down. "I’m not sure. She seemed hesitant to leave Velaris.”
Rhys turned towards the fire and looked down at it. He didn’t want her to leave. The thought of her being so far away started to bring the darkness back that he had tried so hard to push away. “Nyx won’t like it.”
“Nyx is grown and spends over half his days in Illyria and elsewhere. It's not like he couldn’t go see her at any time, and she will visit here regularly,” said Amren.
Rhys took a moment to consider what they were saying.
“It really would be a good opportunity for her. She deserves some happiness,” said Mor.
“Then I will invite Tarquin here…for Solstice.” Rhys turned around. “We haven’t had a big Solstice celebration here in years. Nyx should experience it. We can invite the Summer Court and Day. Vassa has been writing Elain, begging her to come to Day. She can come here with Lucien and Hellion and Lucien’s mother.”
“You are sure you are up for this?” asked Mor. “I know how hard days of celebration are for you.”
“Solstice is a time for joy, and this way, Tarquin can court Elain in a place she is comfortable. We can have a dance and a banquet, give them plenty of opportunities to speak and interact.” He smiled a little. “Elain will like arranging all the events.”
It was settled, and all the guests agreed, coming a week before the Solstice. Every night of their stay, there was some event, whether it was a dance, an evening of games, or a fancy dinner. Tarquin was so attentive to Elain that it was obvious to everyone his attentions, except perhaps, to the person they were intended to reach. Elain was polite and lovely to him, as she was to most people. She seemed to think nothing of him sitting by her at every meal, eager to hold her chair out for her. He asked her to dance immediately at the ball they held, Rhys frequently watching them as he opened the ball with Mor.
The only time Rhys saw any real emotion from Elain was when they were playing games. Tarquin always insisted on teaming with Elain, and he was a poor player at best. He could never guess anything during charades and was awful at cards. As gentle and sweet as Elain was, she was also extremely competitive. Rhys smiled to himself frequently, watching her try to keep her frustrations from showing, but the little dimple between her eyebrows told him just how angry she was.
Tonight at supper and during gifts, Tarquin appeared to leave everything he had out on the field in what was the battle to win Elain’s heart. He spoke to her about gardening at dinner, mentioning his gardens' many exotic flowers. He made sure her wine glass was always full and that she had the best place to sit by the fire. His gift to her was so extravagant that it even surprised Rhys. When Elain opened the necklace dripping with diamonds, she immediately tried to return it, but Tarquin insisted, saying she had earned it for all she had done for Prythian. He declared he could not stand to see it around anyone’s throat but hers. So she politely took it and laid it with her other gifts.
All in all, Rhys thought Tarquin had done well. He was a good male, there was no denying it, and he could offer Elain almost everything. She would be a fool not to accept an offer from him. Even if she did not love him, as good as her heart was, Rhys had no doubt she would come to care for Tarquin. It would never be as it was with Azriel. If anyone understood that it was Rhys, but she could find happiness with Tarquin and a full life serving as Lady of the Summer Court. She could have a family one day.
He knew he should encourage her, tell her to go. He had no doubt she would ask his opinion. The right thing to do was to tell her to go, but every time he imagined her leaving, or thought of her on Tarquin’s arm before court dinners as she was often on his, or, he shivered slightly, thought of her warming Tarquin’s bed, Rhys could not stand it. She could not go. She could not leave them, him. This big house was already dark and empty enough. Without her, it would be nothing but a den of shadows and heartache.
He was pouring himself another drink when the door slowly opened. He looked up to find Elain walking into the room. She started a little when she noticed him.
“I thought you went to bed ages ago,” she said as she stopped near the door.
Rhys took a sip of his drink at studied her. Mother above, she was beautiful. He had always known it. No one could be in the presence of Elain and not see that she was one of the loveliest creatures ever created. Even as a human woman, she had been above most females he had seen. No one could ever compare to his Feyre, but he was not an idiot or blind. Elain was the very idea of pure beauty.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just thought to grab a drink before going to bed. It sometimes helps me sleep.”
“Have you had problems sleeping?” Rhys took another drink, not taking his eyes off her.
She nodded. “It has been a full week. I’ve had much to think about.”
Rhys put his glass down and turned over another. He filled it over half full with the same liquor he was drinking and took it to her. “Come sit with me a moment.”
She looked at the drink in his hands. “I’m not sure so much is wise. I usually drink half as much.”
“I know how much you like this one, and it is a special occasion. Now come sit with me and have a drink. I’m not ready to retire yet.”
She took the drink with a grin and walked over to the couch, where she threw off her slippers and gracefully sat down, pulling her feet up underneath her. Rhys grabbed something off his desk before sitting down beside her.
“Have you enjoyed our Solstice celebration?” he asked as she took a sip of her drink.
“I have. It’s been a little busier than I am used to, but it's been good to see the house full and hear all the laughter. I believe Nyx has had the best time he’s had in ages. I’m glad he could invite his friends.”
Rhys nodded. “I was a little worried having two more young Illyrian males under our roof, but they have been well behaved.” He laughed. “It helps that they are both half in love with you and Mor. I believe it has caused them to act a little more civilized than usual.”
Elain waved a hand as she took a long drink. “It is definitely Mor they are performing for. I am sure they see me as nothing but Nyx’s dowdy aunt.”
Rhys laughed again. “There is nothing dowdy about you, and you know it. Besides, I heard their whispering. They had plenty to say about what they found pleasing about you. They better not let Nyx hear them talking that way. He may mist them without a thought.”
She shook her head but could not keep the smile off her face. “They are good, all three of them. Nyx has the best heart of anyone I have ever known, and I know he would only surround himself with those who were honorable.” She looked away and sighed wistfully. “He really is wonderful.”
“He has a lot of his mother in him.”
“He does,” said Elain while taking a drink. “There is a lot of you in him as well. I think he might have the best parts of you and Feyre.”
“I won’t argue with you about it.” Rhys finished his drink and put it on the table before them. He watched Elain as she took another sip from her glass, admiring her long, graceful neck and her flawless skin. He was sure the years had not been so kind to him as they had to her. When he looked in the mirror, he saw a ragged, tired male who had lived too many years. Elain was the very essence of life still. After all she had lost, her face was still full of hope, her heart still ready to love.
“Elain, what is your opinion of Tarquin?”
“What do you mean?” she put her half-drunk glass in front of her.
“He is a good male and a good High Lord. I know it has been a few years since you visited, but the Summer Court is beautiful. I think you would like it there.”
“Are you asking me if Tarquin has made me an offer?” He gaped at her. “You don’t think I knew what he was doing this whole week? That you, Mor, and Amren set up this whole holiday so he could court me? I’m not as simple as you think.”
“I don’t think you are simple, Elain, but you aren’t always very observant about your own looks or who is admiring you.”
“I know some think me beautiful, Rhys. My mother once said it was my only virtue.” She looked down. “But it is not a virtue. It is just something that is, and it is not unique. Nesta is so gorgeous she could have almost any man beg for attention, and Feyre… well, you know how beautiful she was, not just on the outside, but the inside as well. Me being lovely is nothing. Many times it has been a curse. It has caused people to overlook who I really am. Sometimes I think only a very few people have seen the real me.” Her eyes grew distant. “The one who saw me better than anyone is beyond seeing me now.”
On impulse, Rhys put his hand over hers that lay on the couch. “I see you, Elain. I know that beyond being lovely, you have the kindest heart I have ever known. One that is willing to grow and change when needed. One that is open and ready to love anyone worthy.”
“Sometimes those who are not worthy,” she whispered. I have made so many mistakes in my life, done some awful, selfish things. I wonder if I did not bring this bad will upon us as a punishment.
Rhys squeezed her hand. He heard the words in her head, not because he was prying, but because she thought them so loudly. “You cannot think like that because it is not true. You did everything you could to save them, and you saved so many others, including Cassian and Nesta.” He took a shuddering breath. “You saved Nyx, too, in a way. He would have been lost with you.” I would have too.
She looked at him with wide eyes, and he knew she had heard his words in her own head. “Do you want me to marry Tarquin? Do you wish me to go to Summer Court and further our alliance? I know you must be tired of me haunting your halls.”
“You do not haunt my halls,” said Rhys. “Sometimes, I think you are one of the only reasons there is still life in this house.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“What do you want, Elain?”
She picked her glass back up and was quiet for several minutes. Rhys was ashamed of himself as he tried to see into her mind, but she had a solid block up, keeping him out. She took a long drink, almost draining the rest of her liquor. “I’m not sure what I want other than I can’t imagine leaving Velaris. Everyone I know and love is here.” You are here. She sighed. “But if it is best for this court and you, I will go.” But it will break what is left of my heart.
Rhys wondered if she knew he heard her thoughts at that moment, but he was having difficulty composing himself. He didn’t know if it was exhaustion, the alcohol, or her thoughts, but he felt tears sting his eyes. “I didn’t get to give you my gift,” he finally said as he picked up the small wrapped box next to him. “You were occupied much of the night, and I didn’t want to interrupt.”
She wiped at one of her eyes before giving him a small smile. “You can give it to me now if you like.”
He smiled back at her and handed her the box. Their fingers brushed, and Rhys held onto the box for a moment as she took in a sharp breath. There was that feeling in the air around them again, the one that had come more frequently over the past few months. He finally let go of the box, but the charged air did not completely go away as she carefully opened her present.
“Rhys,” she breathed. “They are exquisite.” She reached in and touched the two hair combs made of silver with small jeweled flowers lining each.
“I saw them the other day, and they reminded me of you. I thought no one but Elain should ever wear those.”
Her brows knitted together. “This is too much. You shouldn't have spent so much on me.”
“Money is something I have plenty of, dearest, and Mother knows you deserve much more than this.” He leaned in and picked one up. He hesitated one moment before placing it in her half-up hair just over her arched ear. He stared at her, taking in her beauty and her mesmerizing smell that flooded his senses. He took a deeper breath than normal, letting it fill him. “Beautiful,” he finally whispered.
She didn’t take her eyes off him, and he didn’t move away. Finally, she leaned in slowly, and Rhys could feel his heart nearly beat out of his chest. This was what he had been waiting for, some sign from her. He could not resist her allure, not when he had wanted this for so long without realizing it. Just when he could feel her sweet breath and smell the bit of liquor they had been drinking on it, she paused and looked over his shoulder before leaning up.
“I should head to bed. We will need to see our guest off tomorrow.” She rose from the couch, leaving Rhys half-stunned before he regained his senses.
“I’ll walk with you.” She nodded and started for the door. He looked towards where she had glanced to see the portrait of Feyre over his desk. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Was what he wanted wrong? It didn’t feel wrong. He had loved Feyre completely, loved her still. He would never love anyone like her, but she was gone. He hoped there was a life after this one and that he would be reunited with her, but that could be a long time. He had lived in such loneliness for so long. Sometimes the only bright parts of his day were his interactions with Elain. He had grown to care for her, love her even, and now he wanted her. He wouldn’t deny it.
He hurried to catch up with her as she stalled by the door. They made their way down the hall and turned towards Elain’s bedroom. The house was dim, with only one faelight following them over their heads as they walked in silence.
“I suppose I should start packing soon,” Elain whispered as if talking to herself. “No doubt I will be expected to dress in Summer Court style, but there are a few dresses and jewels I will want to take with me.”
Rhys took her hand to stop her as they came to her door. “You are decided then? You will accept him?” He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice, but it crept in.
She cast her eyes to the floor. “He is a good male, and I think he already cares for me. The Summer Court is beautiful, and I will have a purpose there. I could do some good.”
Rhys refused to let go of her hand, holding it tighter. “Do you not have a purpose here? Do you not feel as if you are important to Velaris, to our family?” She said nothing while studying the long rug under their feet. Rhys reached up and gently took her chin. “Elain, please look at me.”
She slowly raised her tear-filled eyes to him. “I…I…love it here. This city is the only home I have ever truly had. I tried to be happy wherever I had to live, even that worn-down cottage, but never has anywhere felt safe and warm until I came here. Everyone I love is here.”
He pulled her closer. “Then why would you leave?” She shook her head as tears fell down her face. “Tell me.” He sounded harsher than he meant, but he had to know why she would ever leave them, him. She cried harder. “Tell me.”
“I…I can’t….”
He moved his hand to her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away a tear. “Do I need to court you like Tarquin? Do I need to escort you to dances and dinners? Do you want to hear me go on and on about your beauty and goodness? Because I will. I will do whatever you want, just tell me. Tell me what you need to make you realize that I can’t let you leave.”
“I…I don’t want anything but you.” She sniffed. “I will take whatever you can offer. Let me be your friend, your companion, even your servant if that is all you can give. I know I sound pathetic, but my heart can’t take another goodbye. It has been broken so many times, and very little keeps it together. I’m afraid most of it is you.”
He leaned his forehead against hers. “There is not much left of me, and I think if anyone understands that, it's you. But, Elain, whatever I have left is already yours. Somewhere over these past years, perhaps bit by bit, I handed you my tainted, dark heart because it was the only way to keep it beating. If you try to give it back now, it will end me. Do not go, please. Stay with me, and we will figure this out. I will be whatever you need, just don’t leave me.”
“Rhys,” she whispered, sounding desperate and lost.
“Tell me you want this, Elain. Tell me it’s not just me.”
“Yes,” she said so quietly he could barely hear her. “Yes.”
He was slow, hesitant, giving her every opportunity to tell him to stop, but she raised her head slightly, encouraging him. Her lips met his slowly, tentatively, just as their relationship had formed. It was not a crushing, passionate kiss as he had experienced in the past, but it was no less beautiful.
Slowly, in that dark hallway on the longest night of the year, they took their time, getting to know this new side to their relationship. Their kisses eventually grew longer and deeper, and both became bolder. She buried her hands in his hair as his hands explored her body. When it felt as if they had reached some silent agreement, Rhys picked her up and opened her door.
He laid her down on her bed, hovering over her. He spent time kissing her beautiful neck and the tops of her breast that peeked out from her dress. Her hands went under his shirt until he finally raised up to take it off. He stared down as he kneeled on her bed, taking in her disheveled beauty. Her eyes were bright and wet, her lips swollen with his kisses, and her neck and chest beautifully flushed.
He suddenly felt nervous and almost laughed at the thought. He was almost six centuries old, having numerous lovers over his life, but it had been twenty years since his last time. He had tried before, following Cassian's drunken advice one night to go to the local pleasure house. The female given to him was beautiful, even sweet, but when it came to it, he couldn’t do it. It felt wrong, foreign. He ended up talking to her all night and paid her well for her listening ear.
The truth was that part of him had laid dormant for so long. Sometimes he would find himself aroused, but even pleasuring himself felt wrong. True desire was something he thought he would never feel again until the last few years. The feelings he had for Elain snuck up on him. They started as appreciation for all she did for him, his court, and his son. Soon they turned to admiration for her strength, skills, and beauty.
After all her losses, she still smiled, still laughed. What was more, she took time to draw joy out of others, including himself. He found himself drawn to her more and more, to the point he started each day seeking her out and ended each night in her company. More recently, he had found he didn’t want to end his time with her at any point. As he said goodnight to her each night, sometimes she would kiss his cheek, and he would have an urge to claim her lips with his own. The feelings scared him at first, even shamed him, but now that he was here with her in front of him, it felt nothing but right and natural. He wanted to spend this night and every night after loving her.
“Rhys.” She continued to stare at him. “Is something wrong? Do you…”
He cut her off with a kiss. “You are so fucking beautiful, Elain. I just wanted to look at you for a moment.”
She smiled before he kissed her again, his hands moving up her skirt as he kissed his way down her body. At some point, he helped her take off her dress and then her simple undergarments. He spent time pleasuring her, her taste igniting his desire beyond what he thought he was capable of anymore. The way she gasped his name and arched off the bed as she found her release caused something in him to break loose. As if they summoned themselves, his wings appeared as he lay over her.
She gasped before cupping his cheek with her hand. She looked at his wings before staring into his eyes. “You are beautiful, Rhys, and you still have so much to give. However I can help you, I will do it. You said I hold your heart, and I have been so scared to tell you that I gave mine to you as well. Whatever we have left of this life, I want to spend it with you.”
She let go of his cheek and slowly reached toward his wings as though asking for permission. He bent down closer to her to give her access. Her fingers grazed the edge near the tip before moving down. He groaned as he closed his eyes. He had no doubts she was skilled in wing play, having ample practice, but that was not what he wanted.
“Later,” he said in a low growl, moving his knee between her legs so she would open up for him. He couldn’t know for certain, but he was almost sure it had been as long for her as it had for him, so he took things slow. He positioned himself near her entrance and kissed her slowly. Evidently, she ran out of patience because she reached down and took him in her hand, pumping him a few times as he groaned in satisfaction.
“I want you, now,” she said in such a way he could have finished in her hand that still held him. Instead, he waited as she helped guide him as he slowly moved inside her. She whimpered a little, adjusting as he paused, taking time to kiss her cheeks, eyelashes, and lips as his hands moved down her sides to her hips. She was soft and warm and just what he needed.
He slowly slid into her until he filled her completely. The realization that this was the point of no return hit him. What they were to each would never be the same again, and he was not sorry. He started to move as her breathing increased, the noises coming from her as soft and lovely as he expected. He made love to her as he hadn’t with anyone in the past, slow and gentle. It was not a way he had enjoyed before, but he was not who he once was. This quiet, fulfilling passion that he found with Elain was what he needed now.
He increased his pace, feeling her tighten around him as her eyes rolled to the back of her head while she held on to him. She was close, and so was he. She reached her peak just before him, pulling him over the edge. He didn’t think twice before he spilled deep inside her, wanting to claim her, leave her in no doubt that she was his as he belonged to her.
He kissed her and whispered her name as they both came down off their highs until he eventually rolled off of her, bringing her with him so she would lay in his arms. She put her hand on his chest. Her golden-brown curls splayed around them. They were both silent, needing no words or even thoughts. It was such quiet contentment, one that he craved like never before. She would never be who Feyre was to him, as he would never be as Azriel was to her. What they were to each other was different but still so precious. Their breaths grew even, matching each other as Elain moved her hand over his heart and sighed in satisfaction.
“It’s snowing,” she said quietly, looking out the window just to the left of the bed.
He turned to watch with her before smiling and turning back to place a kiss on her forehead. “So, it is dearest. It is the first we have had in a while. We will have to go out for a walk in it tomorrow once our guests have left.”
She raised up a little to look at him. “And then what, Rhys?”
He studied her for a moment. “Then we will spend a nice day at home with Nyx, play a game if you like or read. You can help cook dinner like you seem to enjoy though you know it isn’t necessary. Then we can spend a quiet evening like I believe you have been craving for a while.”
“And after that? Once Nyx goes to bed, and it is time for us to retire as well. What happens then?”
He half grinned, understanding what she meant. He pulled her up so she would be face to face with him. “Elain, I don’t want to spend another night without you, but it is up to you. If this is just a one-time thing, a sometimes thing, or hell, even a Solstice tradition, I will accept it, but I want you to understand that I want you by my side for however many days the Cauldron gives me.”
She leaned forward and kissed his lips. “Then we need to decide where we will sleep.”
He fully smiled. “A question we can answer tomorrow night and every night after. Now, sleep, dearest.”
She snuggled back down into his arms as he adjusted himself, so his wings cocooned around them.
“Rhys,” she said on the brink of sleep.
“Yes, my beautiful love?”
“Happy Solstice.”
“Indeed,” he said as he closed his eyes.