Work Text:
#0203, Ether.org
July 11th, 2022, 3:13 pm. Recording.
[click]
-s this on? Is this thing recording now? Oh wow I really don’t do this often. Oh it’s on! Okay, okay.
Dude I Swear my body is giving up on me. I know I definitely pushed my physical limit a bit Too much today and I -
I guess human body is still pretty fragile after all. Like, my muscles is heavy, in a way that it’s not fighting Against gravity anymore and more like, joining them. Which is why I’m currently lying on my office floor, unmoving - except from my mouth of course!
Anyways I am Way off topic. Back on track back on track!
[fabric ruffling]
So I was, hell I don’t even know. Yesterday I woke up, ate my breakfast and stuff, and went to work. Things was pretty normal but then we got a knock on the door. Of course no one got the door because the only one who would, our beloved, Tree is away doing an investigation on, what was it?
[tapping on wooden floor]
Ah well, I can’t remember. Case 451 or something. Oh my god I need to focus I keep rambling-
So! The package! The knock was a deliver of a package, to our doorstep. This is odd for many of reasons: first of all why don’t they literally deliver it to our mailbox? Secondly, uh, wait- well there’s no secondly. Yeah like, why didn’t they deliver the package to our mailbox? Anyways this is not important. What Is important is the package itself.
You see, I’m a person [chuckles] with Absolutely Zero impulse control. It is a mistake to give Me an unopened box under Any circumstances! So I opened it. You see, I was expecting some random recording tapes or like documents or anything, since we get those quite often. What I Didn’t expect was a, stick. I think.
I’m not sure what kind of material it was made out of. It’s a bit like rose gold, but duller. It’s not even that big also! Like the size of my arm, from wrist to shoulder blade. Okay well it’s it not tiny either. What’s interesting about it is that it is Heavy. And I’m not saying it because I’m weak or anything either! I think I could kill everyone here honestly. But that stick - oh it’s heavy alright.
I still managed to pick it up. And, well the moment I did, I realized it might have been a mistake. Immediately I feel the urge to swing it - which I didn’t resist. My body starts to act on its own, and the stick kinda feels like it replaced my arm. Soon enough, swinging air was no longer satisfying, and now I need to Hit something.
Not wanting to actually hit our stuff or, I don’t know, People, I went back to my office and just start hitting the giant plushy as hard as I could. Genuinely don’t know how long this went for, not even sure if my brain cells were even active during that. But I think my body gave out first, and by the time I’m fully conscious again, I’m laying on our sofa in the main room. I wonder who found the unconscious body of Pudd the Twenty Sixth lying face down on their office floor with a weird ass bat.
So I woke up not holding the stick anymore. I think my hand couldn’t hold it any longer so it just gave out. Either way I couldn’t move my body at All for a solid hour after I’m awake again. Even after I Can start moving again, my body is so sore that the moment I reach my office door I collapsed onto my floor again. I did grab the recorder thingy on my way in, so I could record my incident while dying, I suppose.
The stick is gone. Presumably someone put it into our artifact storage room. I bet they did it properly, unlike me who is an Idiot.
I’ll ask what exactly happened tomorrow. I think I’m going to take a nap right here right now. I know our bed is literally built into our office but I’m tired.
How do you end off an recording again? How does Umbie does it again? End of the recording, case 26th something something? I don’t know. I’m not the recorder guy.
Yeah I don’t know. I thought this is worth documenting since, hey! I got ourselves a new cursed item to add to our collections and even tested out for us! At the expense of, well my poor fleshy vessel that holds my soul, I suppose.
Okay wait how do I shut this thing off? Do I just, is it the same button-
[click]