Chapter Text
How many times had you admired him from afar?
How many times did the crinkle in the corner of his eyes when he would smile at you light a fire in your heart you would have to smother down on behalf of the code?
The code.
What does the code mean anymore?
Is there even a code if there is no one else left to follow it?
So many questions yet no one else left for you to ask.
After order 66 you had fled to a small planet called Tatooine, feeling it was the safest option for you. Who would be looking for the Husk of a jedi you once were on a planet made of sand? You weren't the only one with the idea it seemed. Speaking with a merchant over a table full of spices and preserves there he was.
Obi-Wan Kenobi.
The worry lines on his forehead are deeper than you remember. He looked ethereal with his auburn hair being lit up by the double suns hung high in the sky, it was so much longer than what you remember. He's changed.
The items in your hands are long forgotten on the merchant's table you picked them up from. One step, then another. Silent prayers and hopes your eyes did not deceive you. Hoping that he wasn’t just another mirage you would see along the rolling hills of the desert.
Another step. You feel your breath catching. You want to call out to him however you know better. Instead you keep pushing forward through the crowd. The noise around him all but disappearing, muddling into the back of your mind. All you can focus on right now is him.
You stop. Not because you want to but your body freezes. He sensed you, his head turning towards you and eyes locking, freezing you in place. His expression is hard to read. Was that excitement in his eyes? Hurt? Confusion?
God his eyes were just as beautiful as you remember.
If he was under the same impression as you he may have thought he was the last one left from the massacre.
From the order that took everything.
The merchant says something and it catches his attention. He nods and hands over credits for a small bag of what is assumed to be spices. When he is done he looks at you again. There's an emotion in his eyes you can't decipher. Maybe he wasn’t ready for you to still be there when he looked back your way. He takes a step forward and you mirror. Soon you're standing right infront of him, both too scared to look away, afraid the other would disappear.
That's when he reaches out his hand. “Ben.” He says simply. You feel a pang in your chest and nod when you reach out your hand and grab his in a hand shake. The feel of his skin lights your own and you have to take in a deep breath before giving him your own new alias. The handshake lasts longer than it should. Lingering touches. You're scared to let go, fear you would blink and he would be gone.
You clear your throat. “So, uh, ben. It’s good seeing you once again… would you like to join me for dinner?” You asked, eyes pleading as you looked up at him.
“I would love to, old friend.” His accent came through along with a rush of emotions. You realized just how much you really missed how your life once was. You both had changed so much and you wanted to ask him so much all at once but you knew a time would come for everything.
The ride back to your home, or what you had made your home the past 3 years, was a quiet one. Fear of speaking just in case you received a mouth full of sand. You could feel his force power behind you, not as strong as it once was but still very much there pressing against yours in a familiar way. The only thing physically touching was his thighs on the outside of yours due to the size of your speeder. His hands gripping the back bars you normally use to hold items you purchase. He never was fond of speeders.
When you parked you took a second to ground yourself before the concerns had flooded your mind.
Why was he here? Was he the only one left? How long has he been here? Is he still the same?
Pushing them away you got off and kindly helped him down. His legs make wobble a bit causing a short chuckle from you both. When you looked back up at him he was staring at you again. A soft look in his eyes that lights the tips of your ears up. You huff a small laugh and let go of his hands that you had grabbed to keep him stable.
“It may be rude of a host to ask but can you help me bring some stuff in?” You ask while you open the storage until to your speeder. He gives a chuckle and you hand him a few bags.
“Always one to ask everyone for help. Good to know you haven’t changed.” He smiles at you and your face is on fire again. You laugh out of nervousness and start grabbing more bags from your speeder storage.
You manage to grab the rest in a very We-Are-Only-Making-One-Trip type of way and use the force to close the Storage unit. You walk to your front door and he follows behind. You can feel his eyes on you as you enter your house. It all feels too familiar.
You set your bags down for just a second to take off your outer layers. The sand falling from your scarf and boots as you put them away. Obi-wan follows in suit, making sure to keep the mass of sand from pouring into the rest of your house, kicking off his own shoes and hanging up his robes. You pick up your bags once more and disappear into the side room where your kitchen was.
Obi-wan stood there for a moment at the entrance taking it all in again. They're alive! His heart cried out. He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.
He looked around your living area. It was rather large open space and just like your old room at the Jedi Temple, filled with trinkets on shelves and tapestries of fantasy creatures placed neatly along the walls. You really haven't changed. Oh how he missed that about you.
Time seemed to be lost on him until he heard you opening and closing cabinets putting away items and pulling out pans to make dinner.
“I'm sorry I didn’t already have something made or picked up in here a bit. I wasn’t expecting visitors…” You huff out a laugh and he walks into the kitchen. He sets down the bags he carried in for you and starts taking things out of the bags.. He looks angelic in your kitchen. The window behind him letting in sunlight behind him made your heart skips a couple of beats. He gives you a soft weary smile when he looks up from his task.. You give one back in return.
Cooking is quiet, peaceful even. Even though you insisted on cooking for just him, he insisted on helping you cook. You stood side by side in silence other than the quiet asking for a spice or a utensil. Neither of you knew where to start.
Where were you when it happened?
How did you get here?
Have you missed me as much as I missed you?
Is anyone left?
Pressing questions falling to the back of the mind. The peace of you both cooking next to each other comforting yet agonizing. Both of you are focusing on the task at hand. Your mind wanders to the time before, when times like these happened when you were both padawans cooking together for the others. You close your eyes hard to blink away any thought of crying away.
He could sense it in the shift of your force next to him. He wanted to reach over and comfort you.Instead he just sets a hand on your arm, stilling your busy mind. He took a deep breath in and moved away to ready the table.
It was comfortable in this moment. Even if it never happened again you were content in knowing he was still here, alive. To know he still viewed you as a friend and not a coward for running away. It helped relieve some of the guilt you had pressing on your shoulders. The kind that grew like a fungus over the past 3 years.
Once the food was ready you filled both of your plates. You both may have made too much not used to having to cook for another but neither of you seemed to mind. You couldn’t remember the last time you had shared a meal with someone. You do remember the last meal you shared with him though. You filled up two glasses of caf and set one in front of him and one in front of yourself.
The soft tinkling of forks and knives hitting the plates and bowls. You tried not to stare at him, focusing on your plate ,scared you only could look at him but so many times before he would leave.
“I’m sorry… for how we left things…” He spoke up first causing you to look up at him. He was staring at his plate merely pushing the food around. You give him a worried smile.
The memories came back from the last night you saw him before everything had happened. You both were at the Jedi temple. He was running himself to the ground with worry. Always the overthinker ,you begged him to take a break. You were not sure if it was how persistent you were or the weight of everything leading up to what was about to happen leaning on his shoulders. He raised his voice at you, for the first time in forever you had seen him break his calm facade.
An apologetic look crossed his face as soon as he saw the tears. He reached out for you however you had already turned on your heel and took off. Your face on fire and wanting as much distance between the two of you as you could manage.
The amount of times you thought about what would happen if you would have stayed?
What would have been the outcome if you accepted his embrace? You had to separate yourself for you fear your anger would have let you into a rash decision.
That was the last you saw him until now.
You reached across the small table the two of you shared and you placed a hand on his and rubbed your thumbs over his knuckles. He looked up at you, tears brimming his eyes. “I should have listened. Then all of this wouldn’t have happened.” Tears welled in his eyes and started to fall down his face as he took in a shaky breath.
“Oh Obi…” You moved up to his side of the table and his arms seemed to open for you. Wrapping his arms around your waist and your arms around his shoulders. One hand found his way into the mess of his long hair and the other to rub circles on his back. He rests his head on your chest and starts to sob. His body shook with every raspy inhale he took.
He held onto you as if you were going to disappear. As if you would run away again, same as before. He held onto you like he always wanted to.
After a while he seems to calm down and his grip loosens a small bit. He looks up at you, eyes red and face puffy from crying so hard. The hand that was playing with his hair comes forward and you wipe away his tears.
Oh how you wish you could have taken all the pain from within his eyes away. How you wish you could have saved everyone from the massacre.
It was your turn for tears to well up in your eyes and start to spill. Without saying another word he pulled you close. He knew the look in your eyes all too well.
You both stayed like that for a while, crying it out, letting the weight of the years come forth as your bodies were wrecked with sobs and hiccups.
When you both finally pulled away your body was tired. Ruined from tears and years of running finally hitting you.
You give a last sniffle and wipe your tears away with your seleve. Sometime during the hug obi-wan had stood up completely. He wiped his eyes and brushed his hair back from his face before taking a deep breath.
You collected yourself and gave him a sorrowful smile, one he returned right back.
“You know it’s getting dark.. Why don’t you stay for the night? It gets dangerous out there and I would hate for either of us to have to trek out there tonight.” You suggested, begged, pleaded.
Just one night, one night to still my beating heart for just a moment.
“He gave a small chuckle and you saw the slightest crinkle form near his eyes. “I suppose you offer a good argument. If you wouldn’t mind hosting me for the night I would greatly appreciate it.”