Chapter Text
"Daddy," Gorou mutters cautiously, "you're being too loud."
He had to walk right next to Dad's twin-sized bed and only then call for him before he even notices Gorou, let alone hears him. Dad is sitting on the edge of his bed, completely undressed and holding a dark-haired stranger on his lap. She's also naked, and it's in fact her that Gorou thinks is too loud. Her high-pitched moans and cries fill the whole apartment. Gorou doesn't even understand why she's making such noises in the first place, especially since it looks like she and Dad are only hugging each other, but Gorou knows it's none of his business. He just wishes the woman was a bit more considerate of him, and the neighbours, too.
She looks over her shoulder, right at Gorou, while Dad silently glowers at him.
"My, my," she chuckles, panting heavily and caressing Dad's upper arms with both of her hands. "Who is this adorable little thing?"
Being naturally shy, Gorou averts his eyes and shifts his weight from one small foot to the other, not finding the courage to even tell his name.
"Just go back to your room."
"But I... I can't sleep when you—"
"Go," Dad immediately interrupts him, "to your room. Now."
Too familiar with that razor-sharp, threatening tone of Dad's voice, Gorou obeys and skitters right back to his bedroom without hesitation. He closes the door behind him and bites his lip, struggling not to cry from frustration. He knows he's not allowed to leave the room when Dad has visitors, but what choice did he have? School starts in only 8 hours, and Gorou hasn't gotten a pinch of sleep yet. He's so tired the lights in the living room hurt his eyes and his voice was all bleary when he talked to Dad, but with the woman constantly making those noises, Gorou can't fall asleep.
She's doing it again. It's so bizarre. It sounds like she's in pain, but Gorou hopes Dad isn't actually hurting her.
It's bad enough that Dad hurts him.
"Fucking nosy brat."
Gorou wails as Dad tugs his hair and pulls him off the bed and straight to the floor, using so much strength it makes Gorou's whole body ache. He heard the woman leave a while ago, almost half an hour after he saw them in the living room, and Dad instantly came to Gorou, still undressed, as soon as she was out of their apartment. He kicks Gorou in the side, eliciting a tearful and shaky whimper from him and making him curl up on the floor.
"What part about 'don't leave your room when I fuck someone' do you not understand?" Dad snarls.
"I'm sorry!" Gorou cries out, now covering his face with both of his hands, instinctively protecting himself from any more hits. "I tried to t-tell you, I couldn't sleep! She was making too much noise!"
"God, spare me your sad excuses." He hears Dad snort and crouch down, and is startled by the massive hand grabbing his hair again and yanking it. "Sure you weren't just being a curious little shit? You wanted to see her cute boobs? How she bounced on my cock?"
"No! I don't understand what y-you're talking about," Gorou says, hoping that Dad can hear the genuine confusion in his voice; he really doesn't understand, he doesn't even know what it means to "fuck" someone, but Dad's words sound icky and weird regardless. "Please, Daddy, I promise... I just want to sleep. I have school tomorrow. I don't care what you do with anyone in our home, I swear, I s-swear!"
It hurts so much, the way Dad is still tugging Gorou's hair, as if attempting to brutally pull all of it from his scalp. Tears are pouring furiously down Gorou's small face, and he's unable to hold back the loud sobs.
"Whatever," Dad mutters finally. "You better actually be asleep once I get to bed. You know I have to go to work in the morning, and yet you think it's okay to make me waste my time like this. If I hear as much as a hiccup, I'll rip your tongue out of your fucking mouth."
He forcefully shoves Gorou's face against the floor before letting go of his now completely messy hair, standing up and leaving the room. It's not until Dad has used the toilet and taken a shower that Gorou is finally able to move. He's still trembling and crying, however, and while he's shuffling back up on his feet he bites his own fist in order to stop any noises from escaping his lips. He's aching all over. He bites himself harder, tries to distract himself from the pain Dad caused.
Bruised, puffy-eyed and almost limping, Gorou thinks it's a miracle he survives the next day at school, even without arousing the teachers' suspicion. Dad often reminds him that everything that happens in their home is no one else's business, so Gorou keeps quiet, always doing his best to act normal and smiling at his teachers and friends alike. He doesn't want to make Dad any angrier or get in the uncomfortable position where all his classmates would worry about him. Luckily hiding the bruises is never difficult, since Dad doesn't seem to like kicking or hitting Gorou in the face. That means he cares about him, despite being so grumpy all the time. It's enough to make Gorou's heart feel a little less heavy.
When Dad is at work, Gorou isn't allowed to watch TV or spend time in the living room to begin with. It belongs to Dad, and even his bed is in there. Their home is a two-room apartment, so he doesn't have his own bedroom. It feels unfair, but Gorou knows they aren't rich enough to buy a bigger home. Before Mom left them — without leaving a note behind or ever contacting them again — they lived in a really cozy and nice house, all three of them. Everything was better back then. Dad smiled, laughed and played with Gorou almost every day. Now he's only focused on work, those women Gorou never gets to meet and some other stuff he, being just a child, understands nothing about. It doesn't matter to him, really, unlike the fact that the only parent he still has left either ignores him or hurts him. It seems to depend on Dad's mood. Gorou still isn't sure which one feels worse.
After getting his complicated homework done, Gorou glances at the dog wall calendar in his bedroom. It's May 13. Gorou's 8th birthday is next week. He's been dreading it for a while, because this will be the first time he won't be spending the most special day of the year with Mom and Dad. He probably won't get a present or even a cake, either, unless Dad surprises him. It would be nice for sure, but more than anything, Gorou just wants to see Mom again. He wants her to come back to them and stay. At least she made Dad happy, while Gorou seems to just... frustrate him.
Gorou scribbles random symbols on his math notebook, squeezing the pencil hard in his hand. Dad never helps him with his homework. He wonders if he has done something wrong, and if so, what? And when? He hates that he doesn't remember. He could try to fix it if he did. If he had always been really good, Dad would be nicer to him, and they would talk about Mom a lot, surely. But that never happens, so Gorou must have behaved horribly at some point, and that's why Dad is the way he is now.
Dad comes back home few hours later. Gorou knows better than to sit around and wait for him, and he made himself a simple sandwich to quell his hunger earlier. Dad hasn't cooked a single dinner in months and always eats the kind of food he can heat in the oven or the microwave. Sometimes he buys food only for himself, probably too overwhelmed by the amount of work to remember that he should buy some for Gorou, too. That's why Gorou makes sure to eat as much as he possibly can every day during the lunch break at school, and on those days when Dad only buys a frozen pizza for himself, Gorou usually has at least some fruit at home if there aren't any sandwich toppings left in the fridge.
As usual, Dad is really vexed after work. Gorou greets him and welcomes him home, not receiving a response of any kind, and decides to leave him be for a while. Then, once Gorou hears Dad turn on the TV and throw himself on the couch that's right next to his bed, Gorou walks up to him, making sure not to stand in front of the TV and block Dad's view.
"Hey, Daddy," Gorou says carefully, fiddling with the hem of his T-shirt. "Um... My birthday is next week..."
"What a shock," Dad sneers while keeping his eyes on the screen.
Gorou isn't sure how to respond. He notices just now that Dad is holding a beer can in his hand. While it's not surprising, it is a little unnerving; Gorou knows Dad becomes even more restless and upset while drinking.
"You don't need to get me anything, if you don't want to," Gorou reassures him, although he can hear the sad tone of his own voice contradicting his words, "but I... I was wondering if I could at least ask Kokomi to come here... to play with me, so you can— so you don't need to worry about me, or anything."
Dad furrows his thick brows, still not looking at Gorou.
"The fuck is that?" he says.
"Kokomi?" Gorou says quietly. "She's my classmate. My friend. I have talked about her before..."
"Hm? A girl?" Dad lets out an awfully flat chuckle. "I knew you were into that shit already. You want to 'play' with her on your birthday, huh? You really went and lied to me last night, didn't you? Has she shown you her boobs?"
"What...?"
"So, what's your plan then?" Dad raises his voice, every syllable still dripping with dry amusement, and Gorou goes silent and tense from tip to toe. "You think she's the love of your life? Will you ask her to be your girlfriend? Do you dream of being married to her happily ever after, moving to a cute little house together and building a white fucking fence around it before getting this bitch pregnant with a child that will cause nothing but an endless headache to the both of you, until your girl ends up walking out without a goddamn trace and leaving you with this useless, whining thing that came out of her pussy and not yours?"
Gorou has tears in his eyes again, and his lips are trembling. He feels confused, so utterly confused. Scared, too. Nothing Dad is saying makes any sense to him, but he sounds so mean.
Resigned and too nervous and hesitant to even speak to Dad again about his birthday or especially Kokomi, Gorou turns around, hanging his head low and attempting to go back to his bedroom, maybe for the rest of the evening.
"Where do you think you're going?" Dad bellows then, now a lot more irritated, and Gorou freezes to the spot. "I asked you a question, boy! Quite a few, in fact."
Gorou's whole body is shaking a bit. He knows what's going to happen next, no matter what. As he's trying to figure out what he could even say in his defence, Dad's upbeat ringtone starts to play in the kitchen, and Gorou is startled by it as well. Dad sighs loudly and gets up from the couch, stomping off to grab his smartphone.
"What now?" he practically growls on the receiver.
Gorou takes the opportunity to hurry to his room, crawl to his bed and hide under the counterpane. Dad doesn't come to him even after the phone call is over.