Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Pain... Hurt… Light…

The only things that the creature was aware of, as it dragged itself across an unfamiliar floor. Felt the smooth black and gold marble tiles scrape against its skin as if they were made of jagged glass, as if they would peel its hide to the bone. The pathetic strugglings of its legs, scrabbling fruitlessly to gain purchase, to propel it forward. The weakness of its hands, stretching forward desperately in its vision, as if reaching for a piece of wreckage that would save it from drowning.

All it could see was its hands, skin and white scales visible on the parts not covered by handwraps. Dried blood from its efforts, trapped between the edges of its scales: a reminder of when it had been human - was it still human? Did it still bleed? Or was the light it could see underneath the skin, bursting to get out, all that was left?

Its hands were mechanical, scrabbling against the smooth tiles like a clever wind-up toy: the creature barely felt them. All it could feel was the light, the overwhelming light, clouding every other part of its vision. Drowning out its surroundings, blinding it from everything except the determined motion of its desperate fingers.

Was this how a Sin Eater saw the world?

The creature would break soon. It knew it; accepted it. But there was still a chance… still a hope. And if it were wrong… it would know pain no more. Here, away from eyes which would watch its final transformation with such grief, in this unlikely, unknown sanctuary.

In this trap.

“Well… this is quite the pathetic sight.”

A voice, somewhere in the light, somewhere in front of the creature. A voice with a carefully precise, yet melodic style of speech, meant to be pleasant, whimsical, unthreatening. The voice of an actor on a stage.

It tried to look for the source, but could barely lift its head any further, was aware of golden hair falling over its face, each strand brimming with agonising light. It tried to make a sound in reply; could summon nothing except exhausted gasps.

“Though I’m pleased to see that you’ve finally learnt how to follow the instructions of an invitation. I half-expected you to turn up with the full complement of your irksome friends. Or did you kill them already? Rend bone and sinew, turn them into lifeless meat, as you thirst for the scraps of aether within them?”

Footsteps. A dark figure distantly visible, as if through a fog of pure brilliance, moving toward the creature. The sound of boots on marble: not the brisk clipping noise that would usually be expected, but a slow, almost-silent dragging of the feet, as if the owner were participating in a funeral march. The gait of a man who was bored, tired, completely without fear of attack.

A man who was thoroughly in control.

“No, of course you didn’t. Such a feat would hardly be fitting for the vaunted Warrior of Light, would it?” The dark figure loomed closer in the creature’s laboured vision, with his slow, unhurried drift, something like amusement warming his voice. “What a painfully ironic title that is.”

The creature struggled to keep its head aloft, feeling the corruption burning its insides. Would there be anything left? How long would it take, its transformation? Would it feel the pain as acutely as it did now? Would there ever be an end to it?

Dark boots, made from the softest leather, stopped in front of its face. The creature didn’t flinch - managed to drag its eyes upwards to see a face looking down at it. A portrait of indifference: the bored visage framed by brown hair, punctuated by a white streak. A mouth with thin lips, slightly parted. Delicately arched eyebrows. And eyes the colour of antique gold, pale and seemingly apathetic… though there was a spark of something else.

Interest. The merest speck of pity… but it was gone again, and the creature was sure that it had imagined it.

“This whole process does look rather painful. You have my sympathies. I am not over-fond of a surfeit of light myself.” The face came closer, its owner crouching down to gaze upon it, as if dispassionately examining a bug he had just squashed with his boot. “I admit, when I extended my invitation to you to join me here, part of me wondered whether you’d take it up. Whether you’d knock my hand away in anger, complete your descent into a Sin Eater on the surface, wreak the havoc I so desire to see. Finally live up to your potential.”

The creature understood the words, desperately raised its head and tried to reply. The words came out as garbled, guttural noises; it laid its head on the cool tiles, frustrated and scared.

“But the lure of your precious Exarch was too great, wasn’t it? You couldn’t bear the thought of abandoning a friend. And so you cling on, denying yourself, so eager to sacrifice your life for the greater good, even as you struggle so hard and endure such pain for your own survival.”

The pale gold eyes went cold, a trace of something like bitterness entering the voice, and the creature almost flinched.

“Fool. Sacrifices bring only pain. Without you, they are nothing. You will not spare them from hurt.”

The creature stiffened, before a fresh wave of pain rolled through it, burning every nerve from head to tail. It tried to scream, but nothing came out except a silent, strangled hiss of pain, as it writhed on the floor. It could feel more light leaking out of it, coughing from its mouth and leaking from its eyes, dripping on to the black tiles like viscous blood; its eyes rolled violently, desperately seeking comfort.

A sigh.

“This is getting incredibly tedious. I despise one-sided conversations, and you’re making an entirely unnecessary mess by attempting to die on my floor. You’re very lucky that it wipes clean.” The impassive face loomed a little closer, as if examining it. “Much against my better judgement… I think I’ll remove some of which is poisoning you from within. At least then I may hear your final words, before you succumb to the light you fought so hard for.”

The creature didn’t understand, watched mindlessly as a white glove was fastidiously removed, as pale fingers reached out and curled around its chin-

-Then he gasped as he felt the worst of the pain, the light which poisoned him, leaching away as if it were being drawn out of him, filling a void. It was as if a goblet full of water was being gently tipped, liquid falling out and splashing into another vessel. He looked up wildly, saw the face of the man before him - a name was starting to form within his mind, as if emerging through a fog - and saw him tense, as if the sensation were unpleasant to him. His eyes bore into him, concentrating, searching for a reaction; he took a shuddering breath of relief. The pain had not stopped, but it was at a bearable level once more.

The fingers snapped away, and the contact was broken. And as he lay on the floor, struggling to his hands and knees, he could feel himself beginning to return, the buzzing in his head lowering to a hum. The re-emergence of his senses, his vision - and his memory.

His name. Kai.

His past crept in, like the ripples of an oncoming tide on the sands. Being a youth in Yanxia, under the heel of the Garlean Empire. Escaping to the Azem Steppe, being taken in by the Iriq tribe who had found him when he’d been close to starving. Being the only Raen in the tribe, a shy boy, treated with kindness but never fully accepted, and the overwhelming loneliness of a clear night on the Steppe as he watched over the tribe’s horses. Leaving unnoticed, making his way across the Ruby Sea to Kugane and a ship departing for Eorzea. Ul’Dah, Thancred, The Scions of the Seventh Dawn, everything that had led him up to this point-

His eyes, a rich amber peculiar to the Au Ra, suddenly widened as he realised who stood before him.

Kai scrambled backward, attempting to spring to his feet and swing his weapon in front of him - but only managed to collapse on his side, wheezing with the pain of the exertion, fumbling for a weapon that was no longer there. Dropped, or perhaps magicked away. Too soon, especially for a body which was still infused with the corrupting influence of too much light; he could only place one trembling hand on a slab of black marble, slowly push himself up to a half-sit.

“And once more, I am reminded of what mankind has come to. How far they have fallen.” Emet-Selch was barely paying him any attention, seemingly more interested in placing his glove back over his fingers. Kai remembered his name now, the form dressed in his faintly-ridiculous, heavy Garlean emperor's robes strangely comforting in its familiarity. The light reflected off the elegant pearl earring he wore. “So very weak and pathetic, floundering around in the dirt, looking like some variety of lizard. If this were my time, mankind as they are now would never have been approved for creation.”

“You sound like… someone’s… cranky grandpa.” Humour had ever been Kai’s first line of defence, no matter the consequences. He swallowed, his tongue thick and heavy. “This… is not… your time.”

Emet-Selch turned his head, gave him a smile which didn’t quite meet his eyes. “And you’ll never realise what a pity that is.”

Speaking hurt. Everything hurt. He was only grateful that Emet-Selch appeared to have ignored the barb.

“Why did you… help me?”

“Should I not have?” Kai was rewarded with the arching of an eyebrow. “It’s quite simple. Contrary to public belief, I have no desire to see the suffering of lesser creatures. Unlike you, however, I am aware that it is inevitable in the end.”

Kai looked up, trying to muster a glare, as Emet-Selch stepped closer once more, bending his back in order to look downwards.

“I have seen your kind suffer for thousands of years. Watched it, experienced their pain, as I steer this star on its proper course.” There was a note of something hidden in his voice, tightly locked away. “But I have to say, seeing someone be poisoned from within by the very light they pledged themselves to be the champion of… that’s something quite new.”

Kai tried to tear his eyes away from the Ascian’s face; as always, it was more difficult to do than he would care to admit.

“What is this place? Where’s G’raha Tia?” There were so many questions in his head, reeling from the suffering his body was going through: his thoughts were as hard to grasp as feathers on the wind.

“This is a place from my time; a city from aeons ago, as you so kindly pointed out,” Emet-Selch answered, somewhat shortly. “A recreation, if you like. And your Exarch is fine; quite comfortable in a room. I gave him books… pillows… a litter tray… None the worse for wear. Mostly.”

“Let him go.” Kai heard the words form in his mouth. “You’ve got me; you don’t need him anymore. Let him go back to the surface.”

Emet-Selch straightened up, threw up his hands as if exasperated, a look of irritation flashing across his fine features.

“Oh, please. Is this really a ‘take me, not him’ melodrama we’re going to play out here? Zodiark above, I saw hundreds of terrible plays in countless Garlean theatres which trotted that one out, and it was sad and tired then. Save me the heroic platitudes that the Scions have fed you with, until they’ve spewed back out of your mouth. You sound as naive and idealistic as that Elezen boy.” He stopped just short of an indignant shake of his head, before he turned his gaze back on the sprawled Au Ra. “Still trying to save the world. Still trying to be the self-sacrificing hero.”

“I… have to. I’ve got to protect this world.”

Emet-Selch’s eyes bore into him, though when he spoke, his voice was lilting, seductive.

“Do you?”

Kai stared back as Emet-Selch took a step towards him once more, crouching down on his haunches. The ruffles and adornments of his robes and skirts cascaded across the marble floor like a dark waterfall, the fringes of his golden epaulettes shivering as he leaned forward.

“You do not always need to be the hero. Others may carry the burden of this star. You must choose your own path, otherwise your beloved freedom is as much an illusion as the hall you currently lay in. Surely this is what you fight for? The freedom to choose?” A smile curled across his lips; Kai found himself staring at them. “Even if ‘tis not a popular choice.”

Freedom. Even though he considered the Scions to be his friends, there were times… Kai tried to push the thought out of his head, the insecurity left over from his days on the Steppe, the sense that he never really belonged in a group. That he was accepted because of his skills, because he was useful. The Scions had done nothing to indicate such, but there were times when he wondered if he completely trusted…

Emet-Selch’s face became almost apologetic, still smiling, the expression which was so familiar even in the short amount of time since he’d appeared before them at the Crystarium. A mask…with the slightest hint of mockery.

“Besides… you don’t appear to be in any fit state to save this world, do you?”

Kai realised, with a sense of dread that had been lurking somewhere in the back of his mind, that he was right. Even sprawling here was painful; the press of cold, hard marble against his skin was like an unbearable pressure, as if his skin was an overripe tomato about to burst. The fog was creeping into his mind again, only temporarily beaten back. He could feel a concentrated ball of light in his skull, felt as though it were growing and starting to burn through his eyes, turning them white and empty. A ball with energy thrashing below its surface, ready to erupt.

“What did you do to me?” His own voice sounded small, desperate. “What did you do when you touched me?”

“Craving the feel of my fingers, are you?” Emet-Selch’s voice was almost a purr, and even through the agonised wrenchings of his body, Kai could feel something jolt in his stomach, an electric pang. “Or are you finally trying to fight your fate? To gather up the tatters of your soul, harness something within you, and live?”

There was something in his voice, buried as though it were under ancient sand, as if Kai were a wind that had blown away the grains and exposed the tips of what lay beneath.

The tiniest spark. The merest sense hanging on the air, hidden behind the words, of dawning interest, of curiosity, of… hope.

Kai didn’t understand. Knew that he wouldn’t understand it, even if he were standing tall and uncorrupted.

But just the whisper of it made him feel something, not in his body, but in his very soul. A familiarity that was both foreign and well-known, a strange sense that he had seen Emet-Selch’s hopes, understood his buried fears, been adept at soothing them, or debating them, or passionately disagreeing, in another time, another place.

It didn’t make sense. He had never met Emet-Selch before coming to the First. Just a trick of the Light’s corruption, as it continued its encroachment on his mind. The moment dissolved into the sea of Light as if it had never been.

“What did you do to me?” he repeated, hearing the cracks in his own voice.

Emet-Selch’s pallid face reminded Kai of a marble statue, so smooth and unchanging, unbothered by the concerns of the world around it. Even so, he couldn’t miss the infinitesimal quirk of his lips, curving upward at one corner.

“To put it into words that even you may understand, I simply drained the excess light from your body by making skin contact with you. The elements are ever attracted to each other, as I am sure you’re well aware, and just as your close association with Hydaelyn-” the very mention of Her name made Emet-Selch’s lip reflexively curl, “-has attuned you more strongly to light, I am surfeited with darkness. Therefore, when I touched you, the light sensed somewhere to go, another vessel to fill. It attempted to flow into me, where it was quite swallowed up, and made the scales within you lean a little less dangerously to one side.”

Kai stared as Emet-Selch leaned forward, drowning in pale gold which was framed by that amused, apologetic expression once more.

“Although, as I’m sure you’re already noticing, it is but a temporary solution. I could attempt to siphon more… even though part of me is intrigued to see what manner of creature you’d become, what name the terrified populace would bestow upon you, as they have the others. Forgiven Naivety, perhaps. Forgiven Valiancy.” His voice softened, dangerously, seductively. “Or mayhap they wouldn’t even have the time available to assign such a designation.”

“Is this why I’m here?” Kai could feel a slightly-hysterical laugh bubbling up; it emerged as a weak cough instead. “So you can watch me… turn into a monster? Like you?”

Emet-Selch’s eyes remained open, but something within them almost visibly closed off, as if seeing a memory pass before them.

“If you believe your words have any effect on me anymore,” he replied after a moment, almost sweetly, “then you are quite tragically mistaken.”

Kai watched Emet-Selch raise himself to his feet once more, boots dragging a few steps away, before he turned and looked down his nose.

“There are many reasons I invited you here, although I see no reason to make you privy to more than a few. But fundamentally… I invited you here to make a choice.” Emet-Selch smiled fully, the expression as false as the antiques being hawked on the Sapphire Avenue Exchange. “Life, I find, is all about the choices we make. The sides we take. And I suspect that I’ll offer you more choice than your precious Scions ever did. Which scripted line did they feed you with, when they took you into their bosom? ‘Only you can save the world, with your rare talents? Eorzea needs you? Pretty please, oh great hero?’ When the effects of your current… condition… started to make themselves known, did they trust you with that information? Or was it left to me - your enemy - to tell you the truth?”

Kai’s teeth gritted harder; he wasn’t sure if it were the increasing pain, or the frustration of not being able to offer a denial. He wanted to deny it. But he also remembered overhearing Y’shtola’s conversation with Urianger at Slitherbough, and wondering what was wrong. What was wrong with him. And the sensation of a dropping stomach, the familiar refrain of being an outsider within a group, of trusting his fate to another. Meekly placing decisions about his life into their hands.

“Can you cut the taunting,” Kai spat out, anything to push those uncomfortable feelings aside once more, “and get to the point? What do you want from me?”

The words burst from him with more desperation than intended, and he choked off another cry as he felt another wave of Light wracking his insides, as if his intestines were being stirred with a burning brand. Emet-Selch noticed, turned his gaze fully upon him. For once, there was no mockery in his expression, and that unnerved Kai more than anything previous.

“I require nothing of you, hero.” His voice was level. “I told you: I invited you here so that you could make a choice. Your own decision, away from the influences of others. That is the least that all living beings crave, is it not?”

“What kind of choice?” Kai hardly dared to breathe; the world had shrunk to include only Emet-Selch and himself.

“A choice of whether you’d like to accept my help. A choice of what manner of help I can provide. A choice, quite simply, of whether you’d prefer to live… or die.”

Dying.

The world shrunk again, until it encompassed only the wracking pains of Kai’s body, his mind momentarily blank. The Light which attacked his body and soul, sought to warp them, weave them into something new, something corrupted by its shining influence. He had not thought of dying, had not thought of the deaths he’d witnessed, the ends of others’ journeys. Moenbryda. Papalymo. Ysayle. Haurchefant. Kai had watched all of them, had secretly, silently feared it.

This corruption… this Light and pain… was he…?

He was crouched on the floor, with eyes which were bleeding through with Light until it dribbled down his cheek in a shining stream. He grasped at the cool floor with burning hands, luminescence shining beneath his scales.

Reality hit him, suddenly, made him want to cry out in fear.

Emet-Selch observed him, spoke with a voice which was carefully neutral, as if bored.

“The truth is often unkind, is it not?”

Kai took a desperate lurch forward, clawed his hand toward the Ascian before having to slap it on the marble to steady himself once more, heaved in a gasping breath.

“Help me!”

How easily he went to his enemy and asked for his help. At the first flush of fear, he’d thrown aside everything the Scions had told him, had taught him. The wave of shame was not drowned by the hurt flooding through him.

Emet-Selch made no attempt to move, but simply watched, from a distance of mere fulms away.

“If that is what you desire.” His voice was unnervingly soft, with the faintest hint of satisfaction. “I will not stop you from doing anything you want to do. I will place your destiny completely into your own hands; lift you up, and support your struggling body as you reach for it with shaking arms. If you wish it… I can help you to live. You may transform into your final incarnation here, in private, where the world which placed its hopes upon you cannot see you. Why, they might not even realise that it’s you, when you burst forth from the sea and begin to feast upon their aether. You could careen through the countryside, mindless, away from all the tedious shackles of emotion and sentiment, and live. I would assist your birth, and provide as much pain relief as I am able.

“Or,” he continued as Kai’s stomach plummeted like a stone, “I can put an end to all of this. End your pain and suffering, and give the people of this reflection a little more time before the Light smooths everything in its wake. I retrieved your rather ungrateful sorceress friend from the Lifestream - rest assured that I am more than capable of unmaking you, and returning you there.” Emet-Selch’s voice became almost gentle. “I assure you that it would be painless, and most peaceful. I would shepherd you there, escort you to your rest. It is quite within my power.”

Kai stared at Emet-Selch, but didn’t see him. Stared through the pale eyes and striking white forelock; was blind to the furred, gilded robes.

Those were his choices. After a lifetime of accepting the decrees of others. The oppressive regime of the Garlean Empire, its boot upon Doma’s throat as he’d grown up, living under its rules. Running away to the Steppe, being the only Raen in the tribe and therefore at the bottom of its social structure, being assigned the jobs that no one else wanted, and having to accept from fear of being cast out. Even the Scions, as well-meaning as they were, giving him countless choices which were never really choices at all, instructions to follow in order to save the world.

He had followed the orders, the rules, the instructions of others for all his life - and now this was the only choice he had? A choice between undergoing unspeakable pain in order to become a monster which would doom the world - perhaps all of existence - or being unmade in order to buy the world a few more days or weeks.

Kai wanted to howl, to throw his head back and scream his pain, his sadness, his terror, his anger.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair.

“There is one more option.”

Emet-Selch - Kai had almost forgotten him - said as he gazed idly at the ceiling, absently plucking at one glove. The very sight of it drove Kai wild for a reason he didn’t understand; he pushed it aside and scrabbled forward across the floor, eyes shining upward with anguish.

“What is it? Tell me!”

Emet-Selch turned to him again, and smiled, his delicate eyebrows arching as he did so, until Kai didn’t know if it was a smile or not anymore.

“You can accept my help, and choose to survive. As yourself, with the only transformations being ones which you desire within yourself. You can choose to take one, final chance to be less of a disappointment, and finally live up to the potential that I saw in you - and not the broken, pitiful creature you’ve been for your entire life.”

Kai’s mind wanted to snarl at him, lash his tail through the air; instead, he could only watch, spellbound, as Emet-Selch slowly walked forward and crouched before him again.

“The choice of true freedom,” Emet-Selch said almost serenely, their eyes meeting on a level. “To reject preconception, and distrust. To open your mind to other possibilities, to notions that you may have forgotten, to find something within yourself. Doesn’t that sound worth exploring? Especially if it means saving your life?”

Kai wavered, caught between the agony of his body and the turmoil of his mind.

Whatever Emet-Selch was offering couldn’t be good. He was an enemy - he had attacked G’raha! - and was candid about his plans for this world — for all worlds. He withheld information and truths. He spoke in layers of meaning that Kai didn’t understand.

But he offered survival. Unchanged. A chance to continue his life as himself, rather than a rampaging monster; averted the need for these to be his final moments, pathetic and stricken. Kai frantically tried to think what the Scions would advise him to do, what Thancred or Urianger or Y’shtola would tell him. But couldn’t dredge up the simulation; found that some part of him resisted the thought.

Survival. He wanted it. He wanted to live, so badly. But what was the cost? Could he live with whatever the compromise was, the attack on his morality, when he had lived his life taking pride in being a good person?

And then Emet-Selch ran a gloved finger underneath his chin, and Kai keened for it, crying out with the strength of his urge for that touch which took away the Light and pain. Relief so close, the Light within him pulling at the darkness of his touch, but denied by a thin layer of fabric. His whole body needed it so badly that it shook with embarrassment, and he looked up, panting, to see Emet-Selch’s self-congratulatory face.

They both knew that the decision had been made.

Emet-Selch said that he was going to help him survive. He wouldn’t kill him, or force him to transform into something. Surely that was all that mattered?

“Want to live, do you?” The tone of mockery returned to Emet-Selch’s voice, even in the midst of a victory which Kai didn’t fully understand, underlining his every word with sweet, delicate viciousness. “Of course you do. The beings of this world are ever wont to grasp at any chance to continue their selfish lives.”

Kai didn’t understand any of this - his own survival ran contrary to Emet-Selch’s aims, and he clearly had no sympathy or pity for the beings of the First… or any of the reflections. His offer made no sense. But, Kai realised, he was correct about wanting to grab at survival. Would there be consequences for this decision, this acceptance of an Ascian’s help? Whether for himself, or for the rest of the world? Kai didn’t know - and in a very real sense, he realised with yet more shame, he didn’t care.

“How?” He forced the word out, clenching his jaw as another wave of pain began its journey. “How will you save me? By touching me again?”

“Naturally.” Emet-Selch leaned one elbow on his hidden knee, so that his gloved hand was almost dangled in front of Kai; was visibly amused by his inability to tear his glowing eyes away from it. “I’ll have to siphon more of the Light out of your body, and into mine, where it can be safely swallowed. But…”

Kai dragged his eyes away from the hand, looked into Emet-Selch’s dancing eyes with increasing trepidation.

“But?”

Emet-Selch’s smile deepened.

“As I’m sure you’re already fully aware, my previous touch was only enough to drain but a small amount of the Light away; mere foam on the tip of a tidal wave. In order to drain enough to save your life, we’ll need extended skin-to-skin contact. As well as… how may I put this delicately… needing to balance your body’s elements by giving you some of my own Darkness. By directly injecting it into you. So to speak.”

Kai was pretty sure his heart had stopped beating for a moment.

“How?” was all he could manage.

All he could see was a widening smile.

“My dear hero, use your imagination.”

And suddenly his heart was galloping, as Kai gaped into Emet-Selch’s eyes, feeling a rush of something he couldn’t identify shivering its way through him. Anger? Shock? Fear?

… Excitement?

No. Nonononono.

This was… it was utterly… but… he couldn’t… no! It was too… but maybe he’d… no!

But… maybe it would be…

He tried to shake away the mere prospect, and all the images which were currently coursing around his addled mind. Enticing images. This was his weak spot; he knew it, wanted to know how Emet-Selch had somehow read his mind and body.

Kai wasn’t a stranger to sex, but wasn’t much more than casual acquaintances with it, either. He’d known his own preferences before he’d run away to the Steppe, hoping to find his great-grandmother’s ancestral tribe: instead he’d been taken in by the all-male Iriq. There, as a newly-adult man desperate to explore that part of life, his low social standing in the tribe had meant that he’d meekly had to wait until called upon by other lower status males looking for a quick tryst. He’d never initiated anything, never taken part in the groups enjoying each other’s company. He’d held himself back.

“This… is this the only way?” It was the only thing he could think of.

“No,” Emet-Selch said bluntly, examining his glove, although seemingly enjoying the growing look of outrage on Kai’s face. “Oh, please don’t tell me that you’re still this naive and idealistic. Of course I could just drain it out of you with an extended touch. But this is the method I’ve chosen, and by a happy coincidence, it’s also the most effective. You still have the choice, however. I won’t force you into anything. Admittedly, though, it’s not much of a choice.”

Aymeric. After Kai had joined the Scions, when he’d been instructed to go to Camp Dragonhead to meet the Holy See’s representative, he’d met Aymeric de Borel. They’d spent companionable evenings together, and Kai had wanted nothing more than their eyes to meet as they sat next to a roaring fire, for there to be some unspoken acknowledgment between the two of them, some recognition. He had lain in bed, biting his lips and sliding his hand down under the blankets to touch himself, dreaming of Aymeric knocking on the door and letting himself in. Had dreamt of them making love, hot bodies grasping at each other in the frigid air, of Aymeric sitting atop him, his bare chest glistening with sweat and his erect cock quivering as he threw his head back, moaning.

Instead, Kai had said nothing, because it would’ve been improper.

Then there had been Hien. Meeting him in the Steppe. Kai had wanted Hien to bend him over one of the rocks enclosing the Mol’s lands, and fuck him until they were both crying out into the sunset air, replacing the memory of every time he’d been used by the Iriq and left unsatisfied. Had wanted Hien to grab him by the hips, and thrust and thrust and thrust, until he shot thick, hot ropes into him.

Instead, Hien had only ever looked at him as a comrade - worse, someone who had been named after Hien’s own father! - because Kai had never spoken up.

“You’d use… this… to have sex with me?” It seemed so unbelievable; something from the tawdry literature he’d read with wide eyes when he’d first come to Ul’Dah. But so horrific, so terrifying, so… breathtaking.

Emet-Selch stopped his examination of his glove, turned his head to look at Kai with a piercing stare, suffused through with the flavour of amused contempt.

“Of course I would. What’s stopping me? Morality? Live as long as I, and you realise that morality is simply the excuse of the weak as to why they do not yet have what they desire.”

“You… desire me?”

“You flatter yourself.” Emet-Selch said the words shortly, as if closing the door on the very idea before it could step over the threshold. “For better or for worse, I am currently inhabiting a human body, and apparently it has tiresome hormonal impulses and needs just as the original version of itself did. If I ignore them, I have little doubt that they’ll become quite distracting in their nature, and there is only so much that one can do by themself. However…”

Kai watched, holding his breath, as Emet-Selch leaned forward, his hair dancing as it swept slightly over his brow. Waited for the words to fall from his lips.

“... it would be untrue for me to say that I don’t have a certain intrigue which is entirely my own.” His voice was silky. “An interest in taking your measure, so to speak, and seeing how such an experience compares to previous ones. Seeing just what these human bodies are capable of; the heights that one can attain. Such an experience could be… quite pleasurable.”

And Emet-Selch looked at him with those pale eyes, a look which went straight through Kai, a look which didn’t see him at all, but was imagining scenarios instead.

Kai suddenly felt as though he were completely naked. Was fairly certain that he was naked in those scenarios.

Another wave wracked his body, but this time, it wasn’t the Light. It pooled up from his lower stomach, hot and thrilling, and went straight to his groin.

“Admit that you want this.” Emet-Selch’s voice dripped like the sweetest poison in his ear. “Admit that you want to do this with me. Experience everything I have planned for you.”

It caused Kai to automatically shake his head, a delayed, half-hearted reaction, as if his body were being controlled by someone else, a puppet on a string.

“No! No, I don’t.”

“Liar.” A simple word; it dropped like a rock into the turbulent pool of Kai’s mind, as Emet-Selch leaned even closer. The scent of leather and aged sandalwood filled his senses. “I can see it in your very soul. I’ve been able to see that attraction, that feeling you can neither explain nor fully deny, since the moment you first saw me in that hovel which your tiresome Exarch built. Can you truly deny that you haven’t felt it tugging at you throughout your time here? Thoughts that you couldn’t quite push aside, or impulses which travel through your mind just before you fall asleep?”

Kai trembled, on his knees. He wanted to shout out that it was untrue, and that Emet-Selch was giving him no choice. But the Ascian was giving him every choice, even now… and none of it was incorrect.

“You’re meant to be saving the world from me. You should be rejecting the very concept of accepting my help, let alone laying with me, even at the cost of your own life. You should be pushing me away, grasping my throat with shaking hands, pushing me to the floor and trying to throttle the life out of me with your dying breath. Yet here you are, getting hard for me. Wanting me to thoroughly fuck you, and not even able to deny it.”

All Kai could see was that damned half-smile, even as he felt the flush of embarrassment at his own body’s betrayal of his thoughts, felt the sudden tightness of the armour around his crotch.

He couldn’t deny it. Damn it all; he couldn’t deny any of it.

Emet-Selch was right. It had been from that first sight of him, when he’d walked up to them in the Crystarium. Even then, Kai had felt that pull of attraction, had instantly been scared by his own reaction and buried it deep inside himself. It had resurfaced every time Emet-Selch had graced them with his presence, in the Rak’tika Greatwood or the Crystarium, stirred something within him which he’d had to push back down into his subconscious, where they’d lurked until the night. Dangerous thoughts. Enticing thoughts.

He’d tried to put it down to the man’s outward appearance. Emet-Selch was unconventionally handsome, with his pale gold eyes and noble bearing, skin so smooth and unblemished. But even those thoughts became confusing. Kai knew that he inhabited the body of Solus zos Galvus, a dead Garlean emperor, something that should seem so wrong - but something about his appearance still felt so right, and he couldn’t explain it. The piercing eyes, the white streak of hair, the curve of his mouth; everything about him felt so familiar, yet unfamiliar, and Kai had found himself cursed with a desire to just touch him.

That sense of familiarity wormed into him, into his mind and soul, completely intangible yet so strong and real. Kai knew that he should look at Emet-Selch, and recall everything that the man had done - the creation of calamity after calamity, imperialism, genocides, wars, the loss of countless lives. That he should look at him, and feel as though he were before true evil.

But he couldn’t.

For some reason he didn’t understand, he looked at Emet-Selch, and felt his own heart yearn for him.

“Worry not, hero.” Emet-Selch’s voice gently cut through his whirling thoughts, magnetic, irresistible. “Your Scions aren’t here. They will never learn of anything happening behind these walls. You can let yourself do anything you want, without fear of judgement or expectation. Here, you are free to act on all those impulses and desires.”

He couldn’t. He shouldn’t.

Emet-Selch stood once more, looking down at him with an expression which was, for once, seemingly open. His eyes were almost clear.

“You have the choice, hero. You can choose to give in to what you want, and what your body clearly wants. You can choose to make your own choices and decisions. Or you can be a good boy, and do what everyone else tells you to do.” He reached out a gloved hand, and even through his increasing pain, Kai felt like he could see every single thread of cotton. “And maybe… you will remember things you have long forgotten. And then, perhaps, we will see which side you truly wish to be on.”

Kai gritted his teeth. Dropped his head. Tried to organise all of the thoughts and emotions, the images in his head.Tried to think logically, and failed. Tried to work out the possible permutations, consequences, and reactions, and gave up because here, in this moment, he found it hard to care.

Tried, very hard, to forget every time that he’d been told to do something, or told not to do something.

His teeth gritted so hard that he thought they’d break, that Light would simply spill out of the bleeding wounds.

His hand suddenly lifted from the floor, raised upward, and grasped at Emet-Selch’s.

“My name is Kai,” he forced out, feeling his stomach both leap and drop, “Not ‘hero’.”

A moment of silence.

“We shall see, won’t we?”

And then Kai was being swallowed in the dark tendrils of a teleportation spell.

When his vision cleared, he was in an unfamiliar room. Gone was the grand entrance hall with its black and gold marble and imposing, too-large perspective; this room was seemingly domestic, shaded and private. The greenish-blue light of the Tempest shone through a window which was covered by a slatted blind, spilling over a floor which was tiled with marble - smaller squares on the floor, somehow more suited to his own size.

Kai couldn’t help but hunch over in pain, even as he stood on trembling legs, trying to take in his surroundings. Emet-Selch, on the other hand, was already slouching over to a counter to fuss with a lamp, as if he knew this place intimately and had performed the same ritual many times before. His preparedness also suggested that the outcome of his offer to Kai had never really been in doubt, a thought which Kai tried to put aside for now, choosing to distract himself with details.

It was definitely a sleeping quarter, Kai realised with a thrill which went through his lower belly, as he noticed the bed directly behind where they’d teleported in. It was wide and large, although not ridiculously out-of-scale as the rest of Emet-Selch’s city appeared to be. But certainly big enough to comfortably accommodate three people, at a guess, and dressed in cool, inviting white sheets. The whole room had a feeling of being a refuge, of being somewhere its busy owner went to relax and refresh - there were a few potted plants visible in the low lighting, and a shady corridor leading to other rooms. A bathroom was visible through a doorway, equally private and inviting. Kai was fairly certain that he could hear running water, as if there were a small fountain somewhere nearby, in this small oasis.

But the main feature of the room, given even more of a prime setting than the bed, were the racks of shelves which almost divided the room neatly in half. Despite the agony coursing through his eyes, Kai couldn’t stop himself from roving his gaze over them, filled with a tugging curiosity.

Knickknacks. Shelves full of knickknacks, not looking entirely dissimilar to the souvenirs he’d seen for sale in Kugane’s street markets. Interesting rocks, one quite obviously volcanic, small but beautifully coloured crystals. Miniature figurines, which had a tribal feel to them. Small paintings of unfamiliar, yet achingly-beautiful landscapes, and an incredibly clear image of three figures together, wearing white masks and black robes. An empty bottle of some kind of beverage, clearly kept as a memento, as if it had been drunk in celebration and kept.

This was no generic room: this was the abode of someone who lived, had interests, friends, loves.

“What is this place?” The question was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

“An apartment,” Emet-Selch replied unhelpfully, from over Kai’s shoulder. He was still seemingly adjusting the lighting, taking far longer than Kai would’ve thought necessary, and sounded studiously bored. “It belonged to a friend of mine.”

Kai immediately found that odd, wondered why they weren’t in Emet-Selch’s own domicile. Then again, given what they were here to do, he didn’t suppose that it mattered too much, although the Doman rules of courtesy he’d grown up with were chafed.

“Well… hope they don’t mind.”

The lamplight suddenly went much too low, before being adjusted once more.

“I fear they are long gone,” Emet-Selch said, quietly, but too smoothly. “‘Tis only an illusion, recreated from my memories. Nothing more.”

Kai stared at his back, impassive and dark, wishing that he could see his face.

“You seem to remember it very well.”

Emet-Selch turned around, the lamp forgotten, his face impassive.

“I did not bring you here to critique the interior design. If you’ll manage to recall, I brought you here for other, far more interesting reasons, one of which being the saving of your rather insignificant life. If you’d rather analyse the contents of a dead man’s room while you merrily choke upon the Light currently filling your lungs, I’ll simply let you get on with it.”

Emotions coursed through Kai just as readily as the Light itself: anger at the dismissive tone and implied threat, fear that his chance of survival would be taken away, and a mounting excitement inside him. It pooled in his lower belly, just as real and frightening as the ball of Light which continued to thrash somewhere in his head.

“What do you want me to do, then?” He couldn’t help it coming out as a frustrated snarl, his tail swishing for emphasis, all too aware of the increased straining of his cock against his armour.

Emet-Selch saw it somehow. Smiled.

“I suggest you start by removing your clothes, if you’re able. Unless the thought of being restricted for a while appeals? Experiencing the denial, and the heightened pleasure that comes with it?”

For a moment, Kai could imagine it - the agonised frustration, not only of the Light within him which was straining to get out, wanting to explode out of himself. But also the need within him, similarly denied by the lack of touch. Imagined himself writhing on the floor, bucking his hips up as his cock begged to be free of its confines. Imagined himself crawling across the floor to Emet-Selch, craving friction, tearing his own clothing away in his search for his release. Frantically fucking himself against the Ascian’s coat until he could take no more and came over his boots, panting and desperate, debased and humiliated. Imagined the thrill and sensation of his spent dick sliding against cum-stained leather, wet and quivering.

He pushed the thoughts aside, forbade it to himself.

Instead, he moved a shaking hand to his armour, trying to tell himself that his eagerness was due to his need to have Emet-Selch’s touch and reduce the Light within him; nothing more. Unclasping the buckles which held his leather pauldrons in place was difficult; his vision was once again filling up with Light, becoming hazy and distorted around the edges, pushing streams of it out of his eyes.

Though even in his condition, he didn’t miss the sight of Emet-Selch pulling out a chair from a desk - sitting down to watch, one elbow on the chair’s back so his gloved hand rested against the white lock of hair, legs elegantly crossed.

The pauldrons fell to the floor, followed by his shirt. Kai looked up uncertainly, saw that Emet-Selch’s attention was wholly upon him. He could imagine what he was seeing, familiar enough with his own body - a chest which was subtly muscular, contained within the typically slender frame of an Au Ra, smooth, tanned skin leading down to hips which were as curved as a female Miqo’te’s. Not to mention the pale, creamy scales which decorated parts of his body, currently shining with a luminescence which should not be there. The very thought of it made him feel afraid, almost embarrassed.

Then he looked at Emet-Selch’s eyes, fixed upon his body, saw a hunger in them which took his breath away, took away his fear and doubt. No one had looked at him like this before, not with this much naked interest. The feeling in his belly only increased, and when Emet-Selch flicked his fingers as if to spur him on, Kai willingly obeyed.

Handwraps and boots joined the small pile on the floor, nudged to one side with a bare foot. Luckily there was no belt to deal with, as Kai hooked his thumbs into his waistband and began to pull the fabric downward - before stopping a couple of inches down, the soft scales of his pubic area half-visible. He couldn’t help looking directly at Emet-Selch, needing that interest from him again, felt a flutter at the sight of his gaze being pointed squarely at those scales.

Emet-Selch’s eyes flicked up to meet his, and Kai felt his heart beating painfully in his bare chest. They both knew what was next.

Kai took a breath, and pushed the fabric down.

His cock was already more than half-hard; it sprang free and bobbed in its release, and he saw Emet-Selch’s eyes widen ever-so-slightly, seemingly genuinely surprised. Kai had heard some of the more well-travelled Xaela in his tribe describe the same thing, the surprise and sudden desire of non-auri when they laid eyes on their cocks. The size, proportionate to a tall race, but larger than many others; the silky-soft scales running along the sides of the shaft, and the sizable balls which framed it. But mostly the ridges, similar to those on an Au Ra’s horns, working all the way from the root to the head.

Kai stood for a moment, feeling the cool air against the heat of his ass, against the throbbing heat of his length. Saw the faintest ghost of a smile pass briefly across Emet-Selch’s face, before he turned his attention to disentangling himself from his pants completely. He straightened up when he was done, completely naked, feeling the weight of the eyes upon him. A gaze which met his own again.

“Sit.”

It was a command, and Kai obeyed once more, perching uncertainly on the end of the bed and feeling smooth, luxurious cotton beneath him.

Then his focus was completely absorbed by Emet-Selch, as the man stood, neatly tucking the chair back underneath its desk. He didn’t fully turn to face Kai - instead, he looked back at him in profile, as if considering.

Then he turned his back completely, dark and impassive, and with measured, precise movements, removed his gloves and placed them on the desk. Kai waited for him to turn, to repay the favour, but Emet-Selch resolutely kept his back to him, almost as if he were shy. Kai wanted to howl in outrage, feeling his dick harden more in response to his frustrated excitement, could only watch as the leather boots were removed and placed beneath the desk.

The furred and brocaded jacket of his robes was next, removed with a fluid movement, and hung over the chair’s back. A red sash slid free, folding in his hands, before being placed. A belt joined it, followed by the sound of some variety of clasp being undone.

Kai watched, leaning back on both hands, his pain temporarily almost forgotten, as Emet-Selch gave him the smallest glance across his shoulder. His face was unreadable, the noble outline of his face slightly lowered, as he began to remove the black layer of his robes. His bare hand stole to the small of his back to untie a ribbon; Kai had to beat down the desire to do it for him. Then he was shrugging it off, a great swathe of fabric, quickly followed by layers of white and red, leaving him in a white silk shirt and leggings.

Kai was hungry to see more, wanted to hiss when Emet-Selch stopped again, instead fixated on the soft-looking shaved hair at the back of the Ascian’s head, the pearl earring he wore just visible. He didn’t know if these stops were a deliberate tease, designed to torture him with his need for Emet-Selch’s touch, the relief from the Light - if they were, it was certainly working. He suppressed a snarl as Emet-Selch’s hand hesitated by his own waistband.

It was quickly forgotten, as Emet-Selch suddenly moved, taking down leggings and underwear in one motion. Kai swallowed as he saw the toned muscle of his backside, his pale flanks stretching powerfully as he leaned forward to remove the garment. It left him wearing only the white shirt, tantalisingly touching his ass - and he found that he couldn’t move his eyes, as Emet-Selch absently trailed his fingers across his cheeks, before bringing his hands up to unbutton the shirt.

Then he turned around, and Kai took a sharp intake of breath which went straight to his crotch.

Emet-Selch’s body was beautiful.

Managing to tear his eyes away from his face, which was currently watching Kai with an insolent expression, his gaze travelled down his chest, framed by the open silk shirt. He hadn’t expected him to have such well-defined muscles, pectorals which suggested that Emet-Selch could swing the heaviest of weaponry with no problems, abdominal muscles which stood out sharply. He’d forgotten that Solus zos Galvus had been a soldier, could even see the very faint lines of a handful of scars on his otherwise marble-like skin, punctuated by pink, firm nipples. The beautiful form of a statue, sculpted and chiseled by an artist, but differing slightly from its original subject in its perfection. Kai’s eyes continued moving down, from a navel with the most delicate hint of a line of downy hair, into the V of his inguinal crease, into a coppice of dark hair, then to…

As Kai stared at his cock - half-hard, flushed pink, and already perfect - he knew that he wanted Emet-Selch inside him. Needed it, yearned for it, would beg for it.

And he knew that Emet-Selch saw it within him, saw the twist of his lips. Felt something like guilt gnawing at his insides, even as his hand itched to take his own dick and start rubbing. Knew that even now, everything within him wanted to throw himself wantonly at Emet-Selch, let him take him right there on the floor… but still, he couldn’t allow himself to do it.

Knew that Emet-Selch saw that anguish, too.

“Well.” Emet-Selch drawled the word, making a shiver go up Kai’s spine, the electric feeling travelling like lightning across a humid summer sky. “Shall we begin?”

The white shirt fluttered in the breeze he created by padding across the marble floor in bare feet, the sound of skin against cold tile. His hand was half-lifted, as if some part of him wanted to catch the silk and cover himself. Kai watched him from where he sat, heartbeat seemingly increasing with every step, watching him come closer - watching that beautiful, worshippable cock coming closer, until it half-hung right in front of him. He knew that Emet-Selch was looking down at him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off it. So close, so smooth and velvety, with the added knowledge that it was Emet-Selch’s skin. It would absorb the Light, take away the pain which was ravaging his insides, perhaps soothe the buzzing ball of Light in his head.

He managed to look up, aware that he was panting, his mouth drifting to hang open.

“Desperate for it, aren’t you?” Emet-Selch’s golden eyes gleamed with amusement. “How cruel it would be to deny you. But… what an excellent opportunity to teach you the importance of patience, don’t you think?”

Kai lost his ability to use words; he keened in horror, his chest heaving, only able to look up at Emet-Selch and pant with silent pleading.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that; it’s quite pathetic. It needn’t be a long lesson; a mere reminder that the best things come to those who wait. But then again…” he looked aside as if pondering, “perhaps it would be a good thing to siphon just a little from you first, rather than take all that Light in one gulp. Accustom myself to it, lest I be overwhelmed.”

He took a side-step, so he was standing directly in front of Kai, feet spread apart. Moved his hips, until his dick was almost touching Kai’s parted lips.

“I trust,” Emet-Selch said softly, “that you find this idea amenable?”

And Kai couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

As soon as his lips closed around the dark head of Emet-Selch’s cock, he released a shuddering moan, loud and throaty, felt the Ascian’s spine and dick both jolt in response to the sensation coming from Kai’s mouth. It was the only way he could express the absolute overwhelm of sensation - not only the gossamer touch of the full, rapidly-hardening weight in his mouth, but the Light which was gladly rushing out of him. It was like a pressure valve being released, the agonising burn of Light lessening, sweeping a cool relief through him which made him want to weep luminescent tears, a shiver which arrowed directly down to his own cock.

It made him rock-hard, made him buck his hips and thrust himself against the air, feeling precum already spooling from his slit. It sparked the most exquisite need: a desperation to feel more, to have Emet-Selch take the pain away, to let himself run wild and touch every part of him.

His moves became almost frantic; he fully closed his lips around Emet-Selch’s cock, moaning once more as they travelled past the ridge of his head, working his tongue against the velvety skin and tasting a saltiness which became indescribably sweet in his mind. He moved his head back and forward, sucking at that gorgeous tip, rejoicing at the lessening of the pain and the gradual clearing of his vision. He wanted to see it all - Emet-Selch’s veins, rapidly standing out under hardening skin, the soft skin covered with dark curling hair, the balls which hung underneath.

And he wanted to feel it all. He disengaged his mouth, used it instead to run his tongue along the underside of the shaft; felt Emet-Selch shiver and give a low moan in response. He cupped his balls in one hand, ran a finger along the back of his sac, felt them move and tense in response.

It wasn’t enough, could never be enough. He breathed heavily as he felt the slick cock slide along his face, just past the corner of his mouth and along his cheek, butting against his sensitive horn. It was big and so perfect, and he wanted it; wanted it inside him. Kai opened his mouth and took it inside once more, running his lips and tongue along it as far as he dared, bobbing, simulating what he really wanted, felt the heat and moistness.

He felt a touch on the top of his head, more Light fleeing into Emet-Selch’s feather-light hold, fixing Kai in place with only three fingers. Kai felt his eyes roll upwards, past that undulating washboard stomach and hard pink nipples, saw Emet-Selch gazing down at him with those pale gold eyes.

“How right you look, taking my cock.” His voice was relatively stable, with the merest hint of a frayed edge: an ancient tapestry tightly bound and woven. “How very satisfying, seeing it go in and out of you, seeing how badly you need it. But an artist ever seeks to improve their work.”

He pulled out of Kai’s mouth with a wet noise, almost eliciting a cry of loss from him; took a step backwards until he was out of reach, and looked back at Kai with challenge burning in his stare.

For a moment, everything came back to Kai. Who this man was, and what he stood for. The reaction of the Scions, if they were ever to discover what was happening here. A sweep of shame and guilt, like a leaf crinkling at its edges, threatening to douse the flame.

But Kai wanted it. Needed it. No matter what the cost.

He knew what Emet-Selch wanted.

Kai pushed himself off the bed, ignoring the frustrated wobbling of his ridged dick, and got on his knees before Emet-Selch. Reached around, took ass cheeks into both hands and squeezed. Sank his mouth on to Emet-Selch’s cock once more, lavished it with mouth and lips and tongue, worshipped it. It was salvation, it was hope, it was life itself.

And feeling Emet-Selch finally respond, feeling him arch his back, placing a firm hand on the back of Kai’s head and beginning to move himself in and out of Kai’s mouth with languid rolls of his hips, was more pleasurable than he ever could’ve imagined. He was so hard now, precum splashing on to Kai’s tongue as he worked. Kai, even through his haze, dredged up every trick the Xaela had taught him, artfully curling his tongue around, aiming it into the slit, letting the throbbing cock slide over it. He grasped Emet-Selch’s buttocks even harder, heard his breath become slightly more ragged, felt him thrust with more purpose.

Until his cock hit the back of Kai’s throat.

It made him hesitate, his tongue stilling even as Emet-Selch continued to move. He knew what was feasible, what a throat was capable of. And he knew that he wanted Emet-Selch inside him, as deep as possible, in every way possible.

But he’d never done it. Had always felt embarrassed, ashamed, even among his tribemates for whom very little was taboo. Had always felt that same sensation of guilt and shame, as if it would somehow stain his reputation if he allowed himself to fully give in to his desires, his fantasies. He had always held himself back, just as he was now.

He’d hesitated too long.

“Oh, please.” Emet-Selch withdrew once more, looked down at Kai with a look of disappointment and irritation. “Please don’t tell me that I actually need to teach you how to enjoy yourself.”

Kai looked back at him, tried to ignore the temptation of what was inches in front of his face.

“I… want to.”

“Then do. What is the point of this, if not to take what you want? I personally want to see you tamed by my touch; if you continue to tame yourself, then there really is very little sense in my continuing.”

Kai realised that the words should be more of a worry to him, to his survival - after all, the buzzing ball of Light in his head had seemingly not abated yet - but they affected him more on an emotional level, bringing back that fear of loss. His thoughts and feelings were two separate bodies, a moon and a sun, different entities orbiting around his consciousness. One could want what the other was scared by; one could embrace new experiences while the other clung to the sanctity of familiarity. One could rise, strong and in control, while the other waned, awaiting its own turn.

His mind and body, however, were ready to unite as one.

And he knew that Emet-Selch, once again, could see it within him, could see his decision. The Ascian sighed, chest muscles heaving in a way which made Kai’s senses go off-kilter.

“Take what you want. Take me inside you, and stop this tedious, heroic self-denial.” There was something in his voice which Kai couldn’t place, a desperate ache of something which was gone as quickly as the twinkling of a star. “Are you ready?”

Kai braced his knees against the cool marble floor, denying the ache between his legs, and nodded.

He expected Emet-Selch to take him by his long blonde hair, to take it in a firm grasp: he was completely unprepared for the wicked grappling of his sensitive horns. He opened his mouth in a debauched pant, and was rewarded with Emet-Selch’s cock filling it, just as hot and quivering as it had been before.

His head was being tilted back; he was hazy and boneless from the firm grasp on his horns, Emet-Selch’s fingernails skittering mercilessly down the backs, and he looked up to see veined cock sliding in and out of his mouth, gradually getting deeper, the musky hair plunging toward him before drawing away, over and over. Further up, feeling as though he were drugged, to Emet-Selch’s mostly-satisfied face, as if there were still some emotion he was holding in reserve.

Cock hit the back of his throat once more. His eyes met Emet-Selch’s, and passed understanding to him.

Then he swallowed it down.

Emet-Selch needed no further permission.

The sensation of Emet-Selch spearing himself into him, fucking his face while grabbing at his horns, making him ride waves of sensation, was too much. Tears of Light ran down his cheeks, from the exertion rather than emotion, and his nose was repeatedly thrust into Emet-Selch’s pubic hair as he took his cock down his throat, right to the root.

But it was so good, feeling the heat of his dick, tasting the precum which oozed freely down his throat, looking up from where he was on his knees like a whore, and seeing Emet-Selch’s face. Seeing his eyes go half-lidded; wanting them to close completely, for his head to be thrown back as he groaned his pleasure. The guilt still bit at him - as much as he was enjoying it, he knew he was still holding himself back emotionally, not allowing himself to fully commit - but for the moment, he enjoyed the sight and sensation of giving himself to Emet-Selch, letting him use his body.

It almost awoke something within him, a feeling which barely raised its head before he pushed it back down, back below the surface. It was easier to focus on the still-raging ball of Light in his head, the dreamlike pleasure of the grip on his horns, and the sensation of erect cock fucking his throat until he could barely breathe.

Then, abruptly, it stopped.

“That will do for now.” Emet-Selch slid himself out; Kai watched it withdraw, so moist, precum still pearling at its slit, saw Emet-Selch take it into his hand as if it were a trusted tool. “We wouldn’t want to ruin the main event, would we?”

The main event. Kai gazed up at Emet-Selch, wondering if he’d ever regain the use of his knees, whether the unbearable pressure in his cock would ever be released. Unsteadily pushed himself to his feet. Took a staggering step backwards, and landed on the bed, cool sheets absorbing the sweat that had gathered in the curve of his back and ass.

Once again, Emet-Selch didn’t waste time. He was alongside Kai in a flash, coaxing him further up the bed, his cock digging into Kai’s ribs. Kai’s head was still spinning from the pressure on his horns, could only watch with parted lips as Emet-Selch placed a firm hand on his chest, pressing Kai’s back into the mattress, giving him an unreadable look through dark eyelashes.

And then he was attending to Kai, lowering his head to his chest, lapping with a tongue which seemed so pink and dainty to Kai’s mind. Running his tongue up his sternum, making Kai shiver from head to tail, his toes stretching. Emet-Selch looked up even as he licked, pale eyes meeting Kai’s own, a glance so filled with unspoken lust that it almost made Kai cry out. Working his tongue around his scales, tracing the sensitive skin like a torturer, before moving on to the nipples.

Kai’s head thudded back into a pillow as that devilish tongue did laps around his areola, Light fleeing into and out of somewhere so sensitive. When Emet-Selch’s lips and teeth closed around his hard nipple, he felt as though it were a teat, feeding the Ascian with pure Light, feeling him devour it. The barest nip was enough to make his hips shoot into the air; Emet-Selch responded by covering more of Kai’s body with his own, a strong hand grabbing firmly and possessively at his flank, and paying the same attention to the other nipple. Kai gave a muffled cry, head arching back, never having experienced this level of stimulation and arousal in his life.

But it wasn’t nearly over. Emet-Selch slid himself up Kai’s chest, hands wrapping around his back, pressed their mouths together and hungrily devoured him with his tongue. Kai responded, feeling brave enough to encompass Emet-Selch in his muscular arms, tangling themselves together with abandon as they messily made out, only able to hear wet noises, sharp breaths, low moans of need which came from both of them. Emet-Selch’s hair, both white and brown, draped across his face and got stuck in his own sweat; Kai responded by daringly moving his hips until their cocks were touching, quivering together. Felt a rush of something he couldn’t describe when Emet-Selch began grinding up against him, smoothness against ridges, creating the most indescribable friction.

He lost track of how long it went on for, feeling Emet-Selch’s hot, pliable flesh under his hands, feeling their bodies and tongues tangle together, feeling wild uncontrollable electricity spark between them. Listened to the noises coming from him, quiet as if he were fiercely trying to suppress them, but there nonetheless. Felt his own pleasure coursing through his cock as they rubbed themselves together, felt his balls ache with excited promise.

Emet-Selch broke away first, breathing heavily, laying his head down on the other pillow to stare into Kai’s Light-infused eyes. His hair was slowly becoming damp; his chest showed his increased breathing and heart rate, and all Kai could think was that the man had magnificent tits.

But… Emet-Selch didn’t look out of place, even though the sight of him naked and excited should’ve been so alien. He lay on the pillow, staring, with one hand gently tugging at the corner of the pillow as though it were a habit. He looked as though he belonged here, in this bed of a friend, as if he had lain here a thousand times before.

Kai stared back, his own breath fast, not understanding. Emet-Selch flicked his eyes at him.

“I want to fuck you.”

It was a commanding tone of voice - and yet Kai still felt as though it gave him a choice. Perhaps Emet-Selch would not take what was not freely given — considered it below him. Or perhaps…

Perhaps he genuinely offered Kai a choice. And once more, Kai felt that doubt. The perceived shame, the judgement of what kind of person he was. Everyone who called him the Warrior of Light, or the Warrior of Darkness - people who, somewhat unbelievably, given that Kai was painfully aware how innocent and naive he could be - had faith in him to be a good person. A steadfast, moral beacon, lighting the way and casting aside the shadows. The Scions, who had placed such trust in him, given him the responsibility of saving this star. His family - his parents, who he hadn’t seen in so long; his beloved cousin Rakuyo, who had always supported and protected him with the strength of his whole heart. What would they think of him? What would they think if they could see him in the act, underneath an Ascian, mewling and moaning as he fully gave himself to him, willingly being plunged into again and again until he was filled up with Darkness? Would they still think that he was a good person?

But… did it matter?

If the cost was his life - he was under no illusions that the core of Light in his head was no less fierce and threatening, that all the Light which had been siphoned away would be replaced unless the balance of Darkness within him was restored - did it matter if people thought of him as good? He would be good, and dead.

He needed to do this. He knew it.

Another part of him, that voice he’d pushed below the surface, knew that he wanted to do it.

Wanted it. Badly.

Once more, he couldn’t summon the words, couldn’t allow them to dance sinfully across his tongue, and besmirch him with their filth.

So he nodded, once, feeling the cotton pillow whisper against his horns. Saw Emet-Selch smile, that strange flash of something like hope travelling across his face again, before it was utterly swallowed.

“Good. You’ve made the right choice.” He pushed himself up, leant his elbow into the pillow and cupped the side of his face, even as his other hand stole downwards. His eyes were half-lidded, casual, thoroughly arrogant. “I assume you have some experience as to how this all works?”

Even through all the sensation, the excitement, the fear, Kai couldn’t help a flash of irritation passing through him.

“Of having sex? Yeah, some. Of being fucked by an Ascian bastard? Not so much.”

The insults slid off Emet-Selch like water off a chocobo’s back; if anything, his smile only became even more infuriating.

“Then you know how to prepare yourself. Be sure to get yourself nice and stretched, lest I injure you in a terribly unfortunate place.” He raised an eyebrow, as Kai raised his head in outrage. “What? You didn’t think that I was going to put my fingers up there, did you?”

Kai swallowed an unhappy grumble, yet more shame. “It would’ve been nice.”

Emet-Selch laughed at that, theatrical and hollow as ever.

“You expect me to be nice? Nice is boring. And you’ve no idea how long I’ve waited for an experience which actually interests me.” Kai noticed that he had taken his cock in hand, was keeping it ready by curling his thumb and forefinger around it and stroking; pearls of precum glistened at his slit, and Kai wished he could lick them out. “Go ahead. I’ll watch.”

Kai’s insides were a battleground of embarrassment and arousal, fighting each other for dominance. There was only ever going to be one winner in the body of a young man.

Slowly, he lifted himself up until he was on his hands and knees, and with every nerve in his body tingling with mortification, he spat onto his fingers. Emet-Selch’s pleasant expression never changed, even as Kai, burning with shame, reached back over the curve of his buttocks, and lifted up his tail into an arch.

As he massaged the spittle against his opening, managing to slide the very tip of one finger in, he found that his hole was throbbing, accommodating, hungry. He ran his fingertip around his rim, feeling a shudder of excitement which went up his spine like a bullet, and made his balls feel even heavier, pressing and stretching as much as he dared. Gradually, he slid more in, unable to stop himself from leaning forward, closing his eyes and exhaling a deep, long breath, using the moisture to lubricate his finger as best he could. The sensation was familiar yet distant - when was the last time he’d had sex? On the Steppe? He’d missed it; by the Twelve, it was only now that he realised how much he’d missed it. He needed more, more inside him.

“The tail really is intriguing. Doesn’t it get in the way?”

Kai opened one eye, saw Emet-Selch watching as advertised, casually stroking his length. He didn’t answer, responding only by sinking his finger in to the knuckle, feeling his breath hitch with the sensation of it as he circled, stretched, prepared for what was to follow.

“Perhaps I should’ve possessed one at some point, just out of curiosity. I’ve never been inside an auri body.” Emet-Selch paused. “In either sense of the word. I have to say, the blue tongue was quite a surprise. I didn’t know what to think when you ran it along my cock, like the most base lizard.”

Kai gazed at him as he lined up another finger at his hole, surprised himself at the depth of his moan, the combination of pain and pleasure, as he managed to fit the tip into his entrance. It hurt, it almost made his knees buckle, but it also made his dick spool precum which spattered over the clean sheets.

“Shut up,” was the only thing he could find to say.

Emet-Selch’s eyes passed over every inch of his body, every bead of sweat, every tingling scale; taking in the way he was shuddering with the delicious sensation of his own fingers inside him, working himself loose. The motion of the Ascian’s hand increased slightly.

“I can imagine you on the Azim Steppe. That is where you ended up, is it not? Running around with the Xaela, clad in the smallest scraps of fur and wool, practically as naked as the beasts you shepherded. You and your fellows, following nothing but the most primal instincts, excitedly mounting each other and rutting like animals.”

Kai let out a ragged breath as he slid the second finger further in, feeling his hole swallow them and eagerly accept them, and the sweet burn of his rim. He wanted to be tight, wanted to feel as much of Emet-Selch as he could, sliding hotly against his walls; the very thought of it made him want to pant, made him buck backwards, made his fingers go into a frenzy as they scissored into himself. He was so close to fucking himself.

“You look like an animal.” Emet-Selch’s voice broke into his thoughts, purring, dripping with sexual desire. “I’ll breed you like one.”

Kai moaned at the word, continued with his fingers, desperately tried to line up a third, felt his dick straining as he was flooded with need and renewed lust.

“Perhaps a breeding bench, like shepherds use for their livestock. Bend you over it, tie you down. Secure every part of you, every sweating limb, tie your tail right where the sensitive patch is, where all the nerve endings are. Fix you with ropes until you can’t move a muscle.” Emet-Selch’s voice was silky, yet growing heavy and more ragged, his own desire clawing through. “And I will pump multiple loads into you, breed you so thoroughly, until you my seed drips out of you. And you’ll shoot your own inferior fluids on to the floor, puddles of it, milking you endlessly as I fuck you until you bellow.”

Kai cried out, his desperate fingers making his hole gape, finally throwing himself on to his back and panting for breath, his cock rigid over his belly. Forbidden things: it was all so forbidden, against the rules - not making a noise, not making a mess, not allowing yourself to give in to the simple pleasure of pure, unadulterated sex. Wanting it, wanting that darkness, being overwhelmingly aroused at the thought of it.

“Please!” he gasped, unable to take any more. “Please!”

He writhed on the bed as Emet-Selch slid silently across the sheets, looking up at his tormentor with his tiny arch smile, not knowing whether he was coming towards him, or getting off the bed completely. Surely Emet-Selch wouldn’t be so cruel? Surely he wouldn’t let him debase himself like this, until he was crying out and desperately grinding against nothing, only to take it away? To take away his chance of survival?

Emet-Selch looked down at him from where he knelt on the bed, for one moment almost as if he were hesitant, taking an unsteady breath. Then he moved decisively.

Kai almost mewled with relief as Emet-Selch took one of his legs with his hand, moving it back with surprising gentleness, so he could position himself on his knees between Kai’s legs. Any hesitancy was gone like a leaf in a torrent; he placed his hands on Kai’s inner thighs, making his balls clench, before sliding them around and hoisting up Kai’s lower body with surprising strength. Kai felt his ass lift up and align with Emet-Selch’s waiting cock, felt his own heartbeat begin to hammer with anticipation, fear, relief.

It was as if they were frozen in a moment. Emet-Selch met his eyes once more, pale gold underneath lowered dark lashes. Kai was only aware of his heartbeat, and his own quickening breath.

Silence, for an eternity.

Then Kai felt the tightening of Emet-Selch’s grasp on the back of his thighs, felt the hot, velvet touch of his cock at his entrance. Then the slow, delicious stretch, the absolute willingness of his body, the shudder of ecstasy as Emet-Selch slowly began pushing his pulsating cock into his hole.

There was pain; it made Kai cry out in short yelps, made him grab at the bedsheets with outstretched arms. It burned through his senses as Emet-Selch continued his slow, relentless progress, made his rim and walls feel as though they were being electrocuted. Kai had thought he’d prepared himself enough; had underestimated Emet-Selch’s girth - thick cock sliding against his nerves, setting them aflame, making his chest heave fast, too fast.

Too much! Too much!

“Breathe.”

Emet-Selch was directly above him as he continued to push in; Kai heard his curt command, followed it - and then cried out as Emet-Selch slid himself in to the hilt. The flame threatened to take him over, melt away what little sense he had left, until he remembered the command. Breathing helped, cleared his head, allowed him to feel the exquisite pain of Emet-Selch folding his own body over to hungrily kiss at Kai’s belly, pressing his cock even further in. Kai panted, helplessly impaled, feeling the desperate throbbing of his reddened hole, feeling as though he were completely filled.

And then, it started to abate. And he began to feel what Emet-Selch had promised: the increased siphoning of the Light, hopelessly attracted to the dark member lodged inside him, pressed in as far as it could go. It made him groan with sheer relief, feeling it slowly drain away, hoping that the Light in his mind would follow suit. It was like a river being released from a dam, luminescent water flooding out of him, splashing and frothing. He gazed at Emet-Selch, hair still draped forward and hiding his face as he lavished his tongue against Kai’s belly, almost as if he were hoping to feel his own dick pressing back.

His darkness, saving him. He wanted Emet-Selch. He wanted every part of him. Wanted to please him.

The pain was tolerable, comfortable; he could feel his own body molding around the cock which was impaling him as surely as a dragoon’s spear. He moved his hips as much as he could in Emet-Selch’s grasp, shuddered at the friction, moaned enough to get the Ascian’s attention.

Emet-Selch looked up from his ministrations, straightened his spine, and understood. And then he really began: rolling his hips, moving himself in and out of Kai’s hole. Kai stared at his stomach and chest as they undulated, watched Emet-Selch look down with a smile at where they joined together, as if the sight pleased him. Then he threw his head back into the pillow as he felt them begin to merge, felt dick and hole melt into one, unable to tell where he ended and Emet-Selch began.

The sensation was bliss; sheer, hot, wet bliss. The motion and rhythm, sliding so smoothly within him, sending jangles of electricity through his limbs, his belly, his cock. He could hear his own gasping breaths, rolled his own hips in time, threw his arms up until they stretched above his head, but the rest of the world had disappeared: it was only Emet-Selch and he. And they were becoming one being, sliding into each other, light and darkness mixing and becoming a single element.

His own dick bounced with every movement, painfully hard and aroused, wreathed with a moist trail of his own precum. He wanted Emet-Selch to somehow take it in hand, to take it in his mouth, rub the ridges with fingers or lips until the pressure within him exploded out. The image was too enticing: he began to moan, turned on beyond measure by the sensation of being fucked, and the wanton images cascading through his mind.

Emet-Selch noticed, allowed that unreadable smile to deepen with a gleam in his eyes. Began to move faster, harder, deliberately grazing Kai’s prostate and making him gasp. Seemed to delight in giving him more and more, tightening his grasp and performing intent ploughs.

Kai’s eyes began to roll, clenched bedsheets in his hands - and then noticed how loud he was getting. Distant, drowned parts of him wondered if G’raha could hear it, if people would find out; he tried to quieten himself, deny the full depths of his pleasure. Threw the inside of his elbow over his eyes, with a clenched fist.

“Really?” It was the first time Emet-Selch had made a sound, aside from the noises of his own exertions; Kai removed his arm to see the Ascian looking down at him with obvious irritation. He didn’t still his movements, continuing to fuck him, the white silk shirt sticking to his sides. “Still you hold yourself back, even with me inside you!”

Kai felt as though he were drunk, words fully beyond his comprehension, but he felt the fear. Not of Emet-Selch’s anger, not directly, but the thought of him stopping, pulling out. He mewled noises of apology, internally hating how pathetic they sounded.

“You forget that I know your soul.” He sounded exasperated, disappointed somehow, as if Kai’s actions had tasted as bitter as lemonettes in his mouth. “You restrict yourself. You forbid yourself from giving voice to what is inside you. You forbid yourself from taking your own cock in your hand, and giving yourself what you need! And all because you fear that your wretched friends might judge you for it.”

Emet-Selch aimed a couple of particularly hard pumps into him; Kai cried out at the blocky pain which thumped against his spine, and the wave of desire which followed it, looking up with wide eyes.

“Do the Scions worry for you because they’re your friends? Or because they know you could kill them at any moment?” Emet-Selch’s eyes blazed, as if there were a brighter light, a more vivid shade of gold, hidden behind them. “Have they ever hidden anything from you, deemed you ill-fit to handle information which could be crucial to your life? And have they ever worried about how you might judge them?”

Even through his stupor, Kai felt the old fears creep back. The Scions had hidden things from him. Supposedly for his own good, but it had brought back every memory of the Steppe, when the Xaela hadn’t trusted a Raen with the innermost secrets of their tribe. It had hurt. It had made him feel like an outsider - it had made him an outsider. Every time the Scions had kept secrets, everytime Urianger had acted of his own accord for the greater good, it had made Kai wonder. Did they trust him? Were they simply using him for his abilities, for the Echo? When this was all over, would they cast him aside?

He didn’t know. Here, laying on a bed, freely giving his body to an Ascian, he didn’t know. Didn’t know if they were trustworthy. Didn’t know if he was trustworthy anymore.

“Stop caring what people think!” Emet-Selch’s voice burst into his thoughts; he’d slowed his pace right down, and Kai felt the loss as horribly as anything he’d experienced in his life. “Stop fearing loneliness! Why care about these people, these worthless husks who give you orders and expect you to follow them? What do you lose, if you lose them? Nothing! Do you know how it feels to see someone you love die, again and again? That is loneliness! Take these moments while you have them, and find a freedom you’ve forgotten!”

Kai didn’t understand what he was saying, didn’t understand the hurt behind his words, drenched through Emet-Selch’s voice like blood soaking into a bandage. He did, however, understand Emet-Selch pulling himself out with a wet noise, and his own howl of grief.

“No!” He scrambled through his mind, tried to grasp thoughts which were like straw, spinning and fragile in the sunlight of the Steppe, tried to mold them into something coherent. “I n-need to stop the Light! I need to save everyone from the Light! I need to save myself from the Light!”

It was his justification, his excuse for not letting go. The need to stay upright and good, to save the day, to follow the rules and not allow himself to degrade, to dive deep into temptation and sin. To maintain such tight self-control.

“Why? Because it will corrupt you?” Emet-Selch still hovered over him, still held his legs and ass aloft, the fire in his eyes simmering to something more alluring and seductive. Kai looked up breathlessly, feeling the tip of Emet-Selch’s prick nudging at his entrance once more.

“Yes.”

Emet-Selch smiled: dark, depraved, wicked.

“Why fight it, my dear? Why not let it fill you-” he thrusted suddenly into Kai, all the way in; made him howl with pleasure, before withdrawing completely, “-intoxicate you-” thrust, “-become you-” thrust. “Let it unlock what is truly inside you, and take what you want!”

Kai wailed as Emet-Selch entered him once more and began to pump, resuming their pace; his eyes rolled around in his head as he struggled to stay afloat in a sea of bliss, a small boat being mercilessly tossed on the waves. His eyelids were dragging; he stared at Emet-Selch with his mouth open, aware of the spittle drooling from his lips, rocking his hips as hard as he could to keep up with Emet-Selch’s thrusts, fucking himself on Ascian cock. He was splayed out, thoroughly debauched, covered in his own sweat and precum. Giving himself to Emet-Selch, mind and body and soul, knowing nothing but the sacred nature of this moment, a fullness and completeness that he’d never experienced in his short, mostly unhappy life.

“Tell me what you want.” Those eyes, that white lock of hair, shining so brightly above him.

Kai gathered the only words he could find.

“I want - you to go - harder.”

And Emet-Selch began to pound.

Kai’s head dropped back, watched the man above him begin to exert himself, breathing hard, giving voice to his own moans. Throwing his head back, mouth open and eyes closed, gripping ever harder with his fingers. Slamming his cock into him so hard, so fast, just for Kai.

Kai’s family. His parents, his numerous older siblings, the cousin who’d been more of a brother than any of them. He’d been forced to flee before Garlean soldiers hunted him down; hadn’t wanted to leave them. Hadn’t wanted to be taken in by a Xaela tribe he had no connection to, unable to find his distant relatives. He had only ever found misery. Had missed out on the fun and formative experiences of being a teenager, always held himself back, always stopped himself from exploring the most carnal places of his soul, and the things he’d only ever fantasized about.

Seeing Emet-Selch like this. He’d fantasized about this, too, during the long nights in the Pendants. Seeing him in the throes of passion, a sight which struck something so deep inside Kai for reasons he didn’t understand. Seeing him satisfied, taking pleasure from Kai’s body. Using him.

It made Kai feel like he had value. Had worth.

It almost made tears well up in his Light-stained eyes.

“Come with me.” Emet-Selch’s voice was ragged, almost out of control; he was so close, breathing in gasps. “Come for me. And I’ll show you so many things that you never even realised that you wanted.”

Kai writhed, arching his back, feeling his tail do the same. His hole was so blissfully sore, he wanted nothing but this, forever, forever. He wanted to cum, to explode, to coat his stomach and Emet-Selch’s chest. He just needed that little bit more, that extra attention in the right spot, to take him over the edge.

“Please, Emet-Selch…”

He was begging. He was so sick of begging.

The words startled Emet-Selch, made him hesitate for a fraction, before he managed to lose himself in his own chase once more. His thrusts became wild, primitive, hoisting Kai even further on to his back, so close to climax and release.

Kai didn’t censor his noise; his moans rang around the room, shameless and outrageous, his body being used and spoiled and grappled, shaking in Emet-Selch’s grasp. He was so close himself; he wanted to cum, he wanted it, he wanted it.

He wanted it. He needed it. He wanted to grab with his hands, grasp everything he’d ever been denied, by other people, and by himself. Give himself value. Experience this sin, this pleasure in life, this feeling of utter freedom which was being pounded into him.

His head and eyes rolled back.

He was so, godsdamned tired of being meek.

“Take my cock.” Emet-Selch, his voice audible through the overwhelming roaring in his horns. “Take my cum. Take it. Take it!”

… and Kai’s own voice whispered in his head, a place suddenly filled with the white void of silence; a whisper which was lovingly wreathed in thoroughly corrupted, unbreakable Light.

Take it.

And Kai screamed. Not with his own release, not with that of Emet-Selch, who was crying out brokenly as he spurted ropes of hot seed into him. But with the explosion of the ball of Light in his head, finally breached, wiping out every thought as though a bomb had detonated. Wiping out his self-control. His ability to deny himself. Corrupting every part of him which questioned his freedom to live exactly how he wanted, to choose his own path.

He screamed as the Light shone out of his eyes, agonising, searing pain, until it burnt itself out and became part of him, sealed in by the Darkness which was newly coursing around his body and soul.

It felt as though he had been broken apart, cleaved by Light and Darkness alike, disassembled by an angry teenage Au Ra who’d thrown him to the floor in rage and grief until he shattered into a thousand pieces. But someone was lovingly picking up the pieces and putting them back together - painstakingly, piece by piece - until he was made whole again.

But even though the pieces were the same as they’d ever been, they had returned in a different order, marking him as changed. The mended fracture ran all the way through his soul, roughly glued in places, missing a chip in others. But the glue - it was made of freedom, excitement, and desire. Everything he’d felt in the last moments before the detonation, the joy of choosing to give his body to others, coalesced and crystalised.

He wanted to live his life. Live by his own choices, for the first time he could remember. Be able to fully enjoy himself at last, knowing himself to be free, to take some measure of control and deny nothing to himself.

The mere concept of it, fizzing through his agonised body, was the most sheer relief.

And he wanted sex. In those last moments, he’d felt such bliss, such pleasure, such value.

His naked body helplessly being used, nothing but a hole to fuck, feeling himself lose control of his limbs, and bonelessly spread-eagle himself as he was slammed into. Feeling himself trust, feeling that aching urge to repeatedly mate, feeling the floating haziness which obliterated every other worry and portion of self-control, and left him with nothing but euphoria.

He wanted more.

To reach out and take what he wanted, what he’d always missed out on. The simple sanctity of a cock - allowing himself to receive pleasure, to give it to others. To have some kind of value, something of himself that he could share, make the world notice him with. He wanted sex: wanted to put his cock wherever it was needed, in any gender, wanted them in his mouth, his hole, as many as possible, all at the same time. Wanted to explore everything. Live his wildest dreams and not be held back.

And more than anyone, he wanted to fuck Emet-Selch. The man who’d given him this gift. He wanted to be his willing whore, available to him at any time. Ready to shed clothing at a moment’s notice, be naked, take his cock and be filled with his cum. But he also wanted to give him the same gift. He wanted to rail him, make him feel every ridge on his dick, until it made him sing. Fill him with multiple loads, let him feel that warmth and sense of belonging.

Of all it flashed in front of his eyes, as the pain started to fade, and turn into the sweetest pleasure. It felt like the most intense orgasm of his life, blinding and life-altering: he groaned with the deepest, shuddering desire as his senses slowly started to return, seeing nothing but stars. He was aware that he hadn’t physically come, but his mind was adrift as electric waves passed through him: he felt bedsheets clenched between his fingers, realised that Emet-Selch hadn’t pulled out, but was riding through his own release. Instinctively, he ground back against his cock, getting it as deep as it could go, feeling the deliciously sticky hotness inside him.

The feeling of Light escaping his body was gone; Darkness had restored the balance, sealed the corruption within him. Emet-Selch was all that existed, his eyes still closed as the movements of his hips started to become languid; Kai opened his eyes and looked at him.

How grateful he was to this Ascian, moving back and forward as if he didn’t have a care in the world, with his white silk shirt translucent with sweat. But how he’d tormented Kai to get to this point, taking away that control. How annoyingly formal and deflective, not allowing himself the slightest slip, hiding feelings and emotions.

Kai decided that it needed to be punished.

He watched, continuing to fuck himself on Emet-Selch’s softening cock, waiting for him to open his eyes and come back to himself. He knew that it wouldn’t take long.

Fluttering of eyelashes, as he tilted that noble head toward the ceiling, eyes opening like the petals of a flower in the morning. A gaze, hazy and floating, seemingly looking at nothing in particular - before that usual barrier slid back into place. The slamming of a door, the raising of a shield, a coldness which crept into those golden eyes - not one born of hate, but of practised apathy.

He looked at Kai, eyes taking a leisurely stroll down his body - focusing on his hair and eyes, as if something had changed, before taking in the sweat on his chest and scales. He quirked an eyebrow at Kai’s ridged cock, still furiously erect and throbbing, before slowly removing his own from its heated, pulsating haven. Pearls of cum slicked their way out with it, and Kai felt the sense of loss, even worse than it had been before, as his ass was lowered back to the bed, legs released. Emet-Selch tossed sweat-soaked hair back, looked at him with satisfied arrogance.

Kai smiled back at him, waiting.

“Well, that was eventful.” Emet-Selch’s voice was still breathless, as he examined Kai with a smug satisfaction, casually flicking away a strand of sticky hair with two fingers. “And it appears to have left its mark on you, after all. I must admit; I wasn’t sure if this whole process would cure you of the Light’s poisoning, or be your final step toward becoming a Sin Eater. This is getting most-”

His voice was abruptly cut off when Kai raised himself up and shot a hand around Emet-Selch’s throat, needing no more than a single fist thanks to their difference in size. Just enough pressure to cut off both air and voice; he felt Emet-Selch rear back in surprise, his nearly-naked body twisting in an instinctual effort to escape, before he ground his haunches against the mattress and glared balefully.

Kai took a moment to admire him, the musculature of his chest, still partly hidden by his shirt, the sweat and grime, above a spent cock which Kai was so tempted to slip into his mouth and revive, taste the salty cum which still dripped from its head. His own hand around his throat, holding him at bay in a crouch, delicate neck muscles straining.

Those golden eyes, aflame with utter outrage. But Kai could see his pupils dilating.

He definitely wanted to fuck Emet-Selch until he was raw, until he was crying Kai’s name and begging for release. His own cock surged again, sensation and lust tingling through every single ridge at the very thought of them cresting the Ascian’s hole: he leaned forward more, pressed his length against Emet-Selch’s thigh. Made sure each ilm drew his attention, forced him to take notice. Felt the delicious friction of the ridges, the precum which was still leaking from his slit, the length which was bigger than the Ascian’s head.

Emet-Selch’s pupils dilated a little more.

“You’re used to being in control, aren’t you?” Kai’s voice was calm and admiring, as if he were viewing a work of art, a statue caught in the most sinuous pose, so smooth and hard yet able to be crumbled and cracked by his hand. Emet-Selch’s hand came up; wrapped around his wrist. His expression had darkened into contained fury, seemingly not needing to breathe, his lips pressed into a thin line, and Kai absently stroked his neck with a thumb. “Even all the times you’ve popped up while I’ve been on the First, it’s always on your terms, right? Just coming and going as you please, and doing what you want. I mean, that’s fine and all. But what if I want to take control for a while?”

Kai readjusted his balance, made sure that his gently-leaking ass was planted firmly on the bed, and brought his other hand into play. Emet-Selch watched it suspiciously, tracking it with his eyes - until he moaned as Kai brushed a finger across the pearl of his third eye, the noise bubbling in his throat until Kai loosened his grip and allowed it to surface.

The effect that it had on Emet-Selch’s Garlean body was startling; his body writhing with a sensation which seemed to be half-delight and half-torture, arching his back until his soft cock was thrust forward to slide wetly against Kai’s belly. He seemed utterly disorientated, as adrift as Kai had been when Emet-Selch had fucked him so deeply and thoroughly. Kai couldn’t help himself from playing with it more, sliding the pad of his thumb across the third eye’s hard surface, feeling spasms ripple through the Ascian’s borrowed body. Watched him desperately trying to press himself up against something, anything, eyes rolling back in his head. Thrusting himself into nothing, his balls swinging with desperate motion, his free hand shooting down to grab his cock and furiously jerk at it.

He was still trying to stifle his moans, but even Emet-Selch struggled to combat such an assault on his senses: the animal inside Kai growled in delight at the lustful display he was unintentionally putting on, as shameless as the cheapest back alley whore.

Kai took mercy and stopped, watching thoughtfully as Emet-Selch panted for breath around the fist encircling his throat, cheeks starting to flame at his own suddenly-realised debauchery.

“Get off me.” He managed the words through heavy breaths, and Kai only laughed.

It was amazing how comfortable he felt being naked now. He could happily walk down Ishgard’s streets with his dick bouncing off his legs, there for all to see. He felt free, and in control, and it was intoxicating.

“Seriously? I’m pretty sure you could make me get off you, if you actually wanted to. You could just zap me with dark magic, or whatever. It’s not like you need that gun to attack people; that was just you being unnecessary.” Kai leaned in, loving the confidence which flowed through him, lowered his voice to whisper into Emet-Selch’s sweat-slicked ear. “You’ve got a whole hand free, when it’s not wrapped around your cock. So why haven’t you moved?”

Sullen silence was the only reply, and Kai took the opportunity to graze at the collar of the silk shirt with his teeth, feeling the tang of sweat on his tongue, and catching the fabric in his jaws. He reared his powerful head back until he heard tearing, the ripping of expensive thread, thought of equally-soft walls he wanted to ravage, and felt another feral jolt of excitement travel through his own overstimulated cock. He didn’t check the extent of the damage he’d caused; he opened his mouth and let go, before bringing up his other hand to grasp the tattered shirt, and tear it clean off Emet-Selch’s back.

He saw a shudder go through the Ascian, as if the shield he had erected around himself after his release had been breached, finally fully naked, and at Kai’s mercy. It was as if he had a prudish desire to stay at least partially covered, now stripped away from him along with any pretence of control or dissent.

Kai tilted Emet-Selch’s head back, ran his free hand along his face, along the sculpted pale skin around his clavicle, down a dripping chest and abdomen, stopping teasingly short of going any lower. Felt the slightest vibration of a disappointed keen in the hand around his throat.

“Loved the breeding bench fantasy, by the way. I’d be up for that. You can tie me down and fuck me any way you want, either end, all day and all night if you want.” Kai got on to his knees, a full fulm taller than Emet-Selch, slid a hand across the man’s chest and grabbed a good handful of tit. Squeezed it lovingly, brushing his fingers across sensitive pink nipples, leaning down to lick one and send a shudder through his captive, for no other reason than simply wanting to. Tilted his head, taking care not to mark Emet-Selch’s skin with the tip of his horns, positioned his mouth beneath his earlobe.

“But I think you like being used and bred, just as much as I do.” His words made the pearl earring shiver, dancing and dangling. “Being underneath someone, all helpless and submissive. Being made to open your legs, letting them fuck you open and riding that cock until they take all your control away. All of that control of your situation, of other people, and yourself. Being fucked and bred until you’re covered in your own cum, and squirting out someone else’s.”

Emet-Selch turned his head slowly, elements warring across the battlefield of his face. Desire, full-blown lust, charging headlong into pride and shame. His breathing was heavy, and Kai could feel him, ever so slightly, arching his back once more and leaning closer to him. Pushing those tits out, those hardening nipples, exhausted dick quivering.

Kai moved his mouth even closer, feeling his deepest desires well up from his soul, and leave his body in the faintest whisper.

“I bet you got so lonely being emperor of Garlemald, fucking courtiers and servants, wishing that you were the one being fucked instead. Wishing that you could be the little bottom you are, desperate to have all those soldiers banging you.” He felt another moan hum against his hand, applied even more pressure, slid his hard length against soft. How liberating this felt, to melt away Emet-Selch’s token resistance with guesses he’d somehow known to be true, using words which somehow flowed so freely from his mind now, without any of the roadblocks he’d previously had within him. It was like he’d truly heard the sound of his own voice for the first time. “I bet you’re desperate for anything I’ll give you, begging for my cock. Desperate for our cocks inside you.”

Kai didn’t even notice that he’d used a plural term. Emet-Selch did.

He felt Emet-Selch’s breath hitch, almost as if his heart had missed a beat. A fluttering of his chest, the sudden snapping round of his head and a dawning, broken, vulnerability in his eyes as he stared into Kai’s. It felt possible for the briefest moment to be drawn into those depths, to drown in the pain and hurt they displayed, memories and reality mixing and confusing - before the barriers were struggled shut once more, the guard renewed. Eyes which were closed up even more tightly than before, pained and betrayed.

Kai noticed all of it, but still didn’t realise what had caused it. Moved his hand on Emet-Selch’s chest, pinched a nipple, and rolled it between his fingers until Emet-Selch cried out, once more dragged down into base lust and lost in his abandon.

His cock would be denied no longer; Kai was aware that if he didn’t mate soon, the sight of Emet-Selch unravelling before his eyes would send him over the edge. He released the Ascian’s throat, roughly grasped him by the hair instead, stared into fully-dilated pupils. Emet-Selch was ready for breeding.

“You know my soul?” Kai said softly. “Cool. I don’t need to be able to see yours to know what you want.”

Then he was forcing Emet-Selch on to his hands and knees like an animal, where he willingly stayed. Kai slipped off the bed and stood behind the Ascian, hands roughly grasping his hips. He ran his hands up and down, over his back, over his ass. Looked beneath to see the stretched skin of his sac, wondered what his balls tasted like. Leant down to lick them, to open his mouth and take one inside, giving them an experimental suck. Heard Emet-Selch’s noises, felt the straining movement of his cock, trying to become hard again.

He’d emptied himself so thoroughly into him, Kai thought as he pressed his lips around the testicle until they popped off, a trail of saliva leading back - it deserved a reward. Absently spanked one of Emet-Selch’s ass cheeks and heard him yelp with surprise, followed by a low growl — saw dick and balls swing with the motion.

Kai ran his hand along Emet-Selch’s back until he was almost stretched out on top of him, his cock artfully angled between the other man’s legs where it brooded dangerously, ready for what was to come. He felt Emet-Selch shiver as he planted kisses along his spine, and took delight in the knowledge that he was getting increasingly impatient; he’d spoken about the pleasure of denial — it was only fair to make him wait. His teeth grazed at that perfect pallid skin, wanting nothing more than to sink his teeth into the back of Emet-Selch’s neck as he fucked him — settled for merely marking him, making him flinch and moan.

He was being so very good, so well-behaved.

It almost drove Kai wild, the thought of giving him the same bliss he’d received. He wanted more of that bliss, wanted Emet-Selch inside him for eternity and to live his life riding that wave, but he also wanted to make Emet-Selch feel those emotions.

For some reason, he knew that he needed that peace, that fulfilment — wanted to help soothe his mind.

He drew back, running his hands along Emet-Selch’s willing, shivering body as he went, moved his hands back to his ass cheeks and squeezed, just as hard as he had when he’d sucked the Ascian off, taken him into his throat. Then he spat into the valley of skin between those round orbs of flesh, watched it dribble down to a trembling hole, already looking so desperate to take him in.

There would be no rushing, though. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt him, and he knew that Au Ra cocks could be hard for other races to handle. He doubted that Garlemald’s heartland, with its rigid class system and obsession with pureblood Garleans, had seen many Au Ra, and there was no possibility that its Emperor would’ve allowed himself to be fucked by another.

This would be an entirely new experience for Emet-Selch’s current body, and the very thought of it made his pulse quicken with excitement.

He pushed the spittle toward Emet-Selch’s opening, pleased to feel him pushing back as he probed with a single finger. Twelve, he was as keen as Kai had predicted, hungry and needy. Even the first finger, sliding in and working his rim, seemed to send shudders of delight through him, although he determinedly stayed silent; Kai realised that his fingers were probably slightly larger and thicker than Emet-Selch was used to. When he went up to his knuckle, just as he had for himself, Emet-Selch released a throaty groan and began to buck; Kai stopped him with one more spank to the already-reddened skin of his ass. He could almost see his handprint.

Ignoring the frustrated whine, Kai slipped a second finger in, began working him even harder. The determined silence became a series of stifled grunts, still more on the side of pleasure than pain; he was so grittily set on holding on to his dignity, even while he was on his hands and knees with fingers in his ass, naked with a traitorous cock, begging and becoming hard, flopping between his legs. Kai smiled, stretched an arm forward, and hooked two fingers into Emet-Selch’s protesting mouth. Listened to his garbled anger, worked him a little harder still with his other hand, and heard the dissent melt away in an instant. Swirled the fingers round and round, as Emet-Selch sucked for all he was worth, the tension draining out of his shoulders and neck.

There wasn’t quite enough moisture: Kai solved the problem by temporarily removing his fingers from the fluttering hole, which greedily tried to cling to him as he withdrew, and reaching back to mop up some of Emet-Selch’s cum from between his own legs. That was better, and he heard Emet-Selch moan as he inserted a third finger. He was definitely reaching his limit, as Kai briskly stretched him, panting around the fingers in his mouth and unsuccessfully trying to balance himself on one hand to reach back and take his cock in his grasp. He was forced to plant both hands on the mattress, sweating as he still tried so hard not to make a noise, a battle he was rapidly losing. He was still trying to suck, and Kai thrilled at the thought of one day feeling Emet-Selch’s lips around his own cock, seeing those ridges slide underneath his lips, and the discomfort as he tried to fit something that big into his mouth. It would overwhelm him, overwhelm both of them.

He mentally added it to the list of things that he would do, now that he had his new-found freedom.

Fucking Emet-Selch remained his top priority, of course, and there were so many ways he wanted to do it. So many ways he wanted Emet-Selch to fuck him. Nothing was off the table, no matter how the world judged it to be.

Right now, however, Emet-Selch was trembling beneath his hands, struggling with the strain - and he jolted as Kai placed a fourth finger at his entrance, almost pulling away with the anticipation, until Kai made soothing noises. It was a lot: his hole looked almost fit to tear, but Kai knew that he needed as much stretching as possible in order to take his cock, take the ridges which would push him to the limit. Better to feel the pain now, with the smoothness of his fingers.

Somehow, it seemed to communicate itself to Emet-Selch. He repositioned himself on shaking limbs, braced, clenched his jaw around Kai’s fingers.

There was no need to wait. Kai added the fourth, lengthy finger, and heard Emet-Selch moan so deeply that it seemed to come from the very depths of his body and soul, filled with pain, but filled with the deepest lust as Kai reached places which hadn’t been touched in so long, brought back memories of taking in two lovers at the same time, and feeling indescribable fullness. His dark-haired head was flung backwards, disengaging from Kai’s fingers, keening and groaning with the sensation, pushing himself backward until all four fingers were fully inserted, opening him and readying him for what was to come.

He was ready; he was so ready, he was begging to be fucked, and Kai’s cock would not be denied any longer.

He roughly withdrew his fingers, eliciting another gasp, excitedly scrambling to position himself so his cock rested on Emet-Selch’s ass, just above his hole, grasping the other man’s hips in a mating hold. Emet-Selch looked back over his shoulder, panting, wanting.

Kai felt feral, more excited than he’d ever been in his life, finally free and living. There was no need to hold himself back anymore.

“You’re going to encourage me to take what I want? Then I’ll start with taking you.”

And in one fluid motion, he thrust himself into Emet-Selch, sheathed his cock in him, saw his rim ripple over the ridges in a shockwave, and heard his cry as he was completely filled by a dick which was bigger than his own head. Kai held him, felt him writhing with pain and pleasure, pushing back to impale himself more, further and further. Emet-Selch wanted his cock so badly, so badly, and he was going to make sure he got everything, even the knotty bulge near his root.

Emet-Selch was still crying out, wordless and incoherent noise, when Kai began to move in him. Gentle rolls of the hips at first, but quickly speeding up, giving him what he wanted. And Emet-Selch kneeled and threw back his head once more, gasping and utterly debauched, shaking as the motion of Kai’s thrusts sent waves racing across his skin. Kai could feel his ridges catching on Emet-Selch’s walls as he moved in and out, creating pulses of friction which sent utmost pleasure though both of them; looked down to see his cock briskly sliding into his hole, making his rim oscillate as it crested each ridge.

His balls were slapping against Emet-Selch’s, swinging hard enough to knock into his wildly flopping cock, making a wet noise. It was good, so, good; everything he’d dreamt of every night since the Ascian had introduced himself to them, waking up and finding cum staining his sheets.

“Fuck, you’re so good. You look so good underneath me, being fucked by me.” Kai almost had to stop his eyes rolling back into his head; his poor cock had been denied for so long, and he wasn’t sure how long he could last. “Having me in your hole. Fuck!”

“Yes…” It was the first word Emet-Selch had managed; he almost slurred it. “Zodiark, yes.”

“You like this? You like being a whore for me?” Kai felt a hot surge in his belly, grasped Emet-Selch’s hips more tightly as he increased the pace. “Want me to give you everything you gave me?”

“Yes!” Emet-Selch managed to sound almost annoyed; it made Kai grin, even as he continued to pump. So good, this feeling: this sense of connection, which set every nerve in his body aflame. Knowing that Emet-Selch felt the same thing, felt the same rough wave of pleasure smashing through his frame that he’d felt earlier, was needily begging for more, almost tipped him over the edge.

He withdrew his cock completely, the Ascian’s abused hole gaping reluctantly, but didn’t let go of his hips; was rewarded with Emet-Selch’s frustrated-yet-incoherent noises. It sent another thrill through him that Emet-Selch felt that same, acute sense of loss as he had. His cock completed him, belonged there.

“Want me to give you everything? Let’s start with this one. Take-”

He thrusted back into Emet-Selch, made him howl with the sudden shock of his huge cock ramming into him right to the hilt, withdrew even as he writhed with pleasure underneath his hands.

“ -my fucking-”

Another thrust, deep and powerful; heard Emet-Selch groan as if he were on the verge of losing his senses.

“ -cock!”

One more almighty movement, slamming into Emet-Selch’s ass, before quickly adjusting his grip and pounding into him, hips and balls slapping off him. It was too much for Emet-Selch; his arms collapsed and he was face down on the mattress even as he still kneeled, keening and panting at the onslaught, the mental drift into seeing nothing but light and electricity, the physical sensation of ridged cock giving him one of the best fucks he’d ever experienced in his life. He turned his face to the side, and Kai enjoyed the view: lips parted as he panted, eyes hazing out and drifting off to gaze at nothing, hair sticking to sweat-slicked, reddened cheeks.

It was glorious. It was everything he’d ever dreamed of seeing. Everything he wanted to give to others, have given to him.

He increased the pace again, relentless in pursuing his own release, feeling the pressure build up within him until it was almost unbearable. The friction, the indescribable rub of sensitive cock against velvet walls, Emet-Selch’s body molding for him as his had done for the Ascian. They were built for each other, despite their difference in size and species, as if their cocks had always been meant to find a home within each other. Emet-Selch was crying out wantonly as Kai kept hitting his prostate, orgasmic waves wracking his body and shaking him apart.

Kai wasn’t giving him a say, not anymore. Emet-Selch was under his control, his pleasure entirely in Kai’s hands. He could stop if he wanted to: could easily pull out, and cum over Emet-Selch’s ass and back. Could lunge forward, and cum over his face while he was insensate on the sheets, watch pearl-white spend drip down, across his cheeks and on to his lips. Could let him take him in his mouth, and shoot his hot load straight down his throat.

But he didn’t want to. He wanted to give Emet-Selch everything, bring him to the crest of the highest desire, see him scream his orgasm. And he didn’t even know why, aside from unutterable physical attraction, but it felt so right. Being here in this shaded room, this oasis in a city, felt so right. Fucking Emet-Selch, seeing him ride his dick and lose himself in the glory of it, shedding all of the worry and concern and weight on his shoulders; it felt so right, as if he’d done it a thousand times before. His body felt like home. His moans were like the most familiar melodies.

All of it felt so familiar, but not. The further Kai descended into bliss, the more that Emet-Selch’s dark hair felt jarring. His eyes didn’t seem bright enough. And although the two of them being here alone felt right, it also felt like there was someone else missing. Someone who would join the two of them, more often than not. A mischievous presence lounging on the other side of the bed, watching intently with lowered, hungry eyes. Someone who would fuck him as he fucked Emet-Selch, or put his cock in either of their mouths. Someone who would help him to encompass Emet-Selch, keep him safe and warm between them, as they pushed into his willing hole together, feeling each other’s slick velvet.

It was nothing but a mere sensation on the back of his fogged mind, but Kai was too far gone into his own lust to notice it. It felt like the world had shrunk; there was nothing but the two of them, the entire world centred on his throbbing cock and the delicious heat.

It was too much. He couldn’t hold on.

He felt Emet-Selch clench around him, knowing that he was close, deliberately taking them both over the edge together.

Kai gasped as he came, a deep ragged groan, felt the euphoric sensation of his balls finally shooting his spend into Emet-Selch, filling him with hot cum, filling him and filling him until he couldn’t take any more. He threw his head back and bellowed — looked back down to see that he was still pumping into Emet-Selch’s ass, riding through his release, raging streams of cum forced out by his motion — spurting down ass cheeks and legs, spattering into a puddle on the bed.

Emet-Selch was howling with carnality, unused to the larger amounts of cum which came from larger auri balls, convulsing with every spurt of heat into him, tearing at the sheets with his bare hands. Even through his daze, Kai could still feel him clenched around his cock, thrusting his hips of his own accord, trying to milk every drop out of him.

He’d never felt like this in his life. Had never felt so good. The very thought of it made him throw his head back and cry out again - a cry of utter elation.

It felt like… happiness. Like he’d finally found the place he belonged. Not the Steppe, not Ul’Dah, not even Doma - but this room he’d never seen before, buried to the balls in someone who was supposed to be his mortal enemy. None of it made any sense. But as Kai’s mind began to clear from its euphoric fog, his pumps beginning to slow, he wondered if it needed to make sense.

Why not keep chasing this feeling? This perfect bliss, where no worries or doubt resided? Emet-Selch was immortal; he could have this - have Emet-Selch - forever. Like they’d meant to be.

Kai slowly withdrew, watching Emet-Selch shiver and shudder with every ridge, cum still draining down his legs, before his lower half collapsed into the soiled sheets. Kai joined him on the bed, noting the way Emet-Selch partially rolled on to his side of the mattress, his belly now covered with filth. Such a far cry from the proud, aloof Ascian who’d been so wicked in coercing Kai into sleeping with him, the man who’d lorded over him in Amaurot’s grand entrance hall. It was as if Kai had removed layers from him every time they’d touched; seeing him laying on this bed, so completely debauched and worn out, was so far removed from the man he’d been earlier that it seemed like a different person.

Though Kai supposed that he was different, too. New-found confidence stemming from having found his place; a place where he could melt away, offer something more. Use the body he’d been born with. Never feel that panic of being an outsider, ever again.

It was his choice. To do what he wanted, and stay with Emet-Selch… it was his choice.

It was comfortable laying here next to him, although it still didn’t quite feel as it should. Emet-Selch still felt closed off; even though they were next to each other, there was a distance. A barrier, intangible, but present. Emet-Selch couldn’t quite meet his eyes, and Kai didn’t know if it were shame at how lewd he’d been while being fucked, or if part of him still saw Kai as inferior, broken.

Kai didn’t want that. The Light’s corruption had burnt away his self-doubt, his restraint, his fear, and none of the caution he’d previously felt about Emet-Selch seemed to apply anymore. He wanted to be here, doing this with him. There didn't seem any reason not to.

He knew that it should be sending alarm bells ringing through him, but he didn’t want to listen to them. So he chose not to.

It didn’t help that something else was driving him, something he’d noticed while he lounged here, watching Emet-Selch slowly regathering his senses. His hair was a sweat-soaked mass, white and brown merging into one, lips partly open and touching the sheets while dark eyelashes fluttered once more.

“Why am I still hard?” Kai said it aloud, observing Emet-Selch flutter harder.

When the Ascian spoke, it was with a tired-sounding irritation. He licked his lips, as if needing the moisture.

“It would appear that there is still some errant, unbound Light within you, evidenced by your-” He actively paused, as though experiencing distaste for the coarseness of his words, “-fluids, which you’ve stuffed me with. I can assure you that it contains Light, and that it is most likely the cause of your current predicament.”

“Oh.” Kai looked over at him, taking in his slender bare shoulders, not feeling especially contrite. “Sorry about that.”

“You did promise me everything I’d given to you. ‘Tis fair, I suppose.”

And there it was again - the barest glimmer of humour beneath his words, fearfully shut away and replaced by that damnable sarcasm and neutrality. He almost instantly turned his head to face in the other direction, leaving Kai with the sweat on the back of his neck, and the blank expanse of his back and curving spine.

What was it about this man, which made such a simple movement feel so cutting, so disappointing? So heart wrenching?

Why did this barrier between them make him want to howl?

This was nothing like his attractions to Aymeric or Hien; not even like the strange attraction he’d felt toward Emet-Selch since arriving on the First. Those had been feral, hormone-driven mating drives, no different from the rams and stallions he’d watched over on the Steppe. The aggressive need to take. To have sex, and take what was needed; it was what both had them had done here so far, taking it in turns to slake the thirst, and bellow like a triumphant dzo bull.

Kai still felt that, but the beast was locked back in its cage - for now. But there was something else pushing past it.

He didn’t just want to fuck Emet-Selch. He wanted to make love.

He wanted to hold him. To really give him everything he’d given Kai; that feeling of weightless relief, that bliss. To take away his pain and sadness, so visible even when the man’s shields were at full strength, as if thousands of desperate hands were clutching at him, dragging him down.

He was aware that he shouldn’t feel like this, for so many reasons. Was Emet-Selch even deserving of this consideration? The Ascian had killed untold numbers of people, either through his direct actions, or as consequences of his machinations across countless ages. He had planned and formulated an empire, led a ruthless campaign which had scorched across a swathe of the star, led to the death and suffering of hundreds of thousands. He had colonised Kai’s own home! It was inherent evil. And by his own admission, Garlemald wasn’t the first time he’d committed such an act. By any measurement, the man was a monster, someone deserving of nothing but a quick end. He was tainted by darkness. He should’ve hated him.

But he couldn’t. Because there was still that feeling he couldn’t explain. How familiar everything was, even his current posture: bashfully turned away, covering it under a layer of affected arrogance and irritability. Kai felt as though he’d seen it in another lifetime, random snatches of vision and sensation stirring in the back of his mind. A fleeting amusement at Emet-Selch’s shyness, the sensation of being here with a third. Lavender. Floral scent, paired with mischief. Watching Emet-Selch with that other person, watching them make love on the same bed, knowing that the link between the two was unbreakable, that they were soulmates. Awaiting his turn, knowing even if he was not the great love of Emet-Selch’s life, he was his only other, and he belonged there. Letting him relax after his exertions, before taking him into his own arms. Making love to him. The three of them, making love together. Not just sex.

Love.

Was this… love…? This feeling?

“I want you,” he said suddenly. Saw Emet-Selch turn his head towards him once more, golden eyes flat, but tinged with the slightest curiosity. “I want this. I want to be with you.”

For a moment, there was nothing but silence, as if the star itself were holding its breath.

Emet-Selch’s eyes flicked upward, his face unmoving, mouth still pressed against white sheets.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

How cutting it sounded on the surface; how certain and absolute. How dismissive. So why could Kai hear the slightest whisper of something else, hidden underneath the words like the flickering fry who swam almost-invisibly beneath the surface of the Ruby Sea?

Kai hoisted himself upward, sat on the bed. Looked down.

“You told me to take what I want. You got me to come here, you got me to come to this room; you told me to take what I want out of life. And you did that while you were fucking me on this bed, looking at me with some kind of hope in your eyes.”

Emet-Selch shifted, folded his arms beneath his head, used them as though they were a pillow.

“You saw nothing of the sort.” His voice was lowered, almost dangerous, like a cornered animal. “You do not know me. You do not know my roles, or my responsibilities. You do not know what I have done, nor what I yet plan to do. You do not know what I am capable of - you see me bring a soul back from the Lifestream, and think that is all I can do? That is a mere fraction of my power.”

It was an attempt to push him, to goad him. Kai ignored it.

“I know what I saw. I know what I feel. And I know what you feel.” He could feel himself glaring. “I spent a hell of a lot of time on the Steppe, not being talked to very much, so I just kinda retreated and watched everyone else instead. I’m really fucking good at watching people, and noticing the looks on the faces or their posture. I’m not an idiot. Not all of the time, anyway.”

Emet-Selch watched him, lips pressed together in silence. Kai tried to soften his face, reached out a hand, touched the Ascian’s shoulder.

“So, you’ve got to ask yourself - are you taking what you want?” Kai watched the uncertainty, the twist of anger flaring across Emet-Selch’s face, saw his lips curl back. “Or are you locking everything away, because you feel like you need to for some reason? Because you don’t want to feel anything, or get hurt, or something like that? Because I want this. I do. Even though it’s probably a really terrible idea.”

“And do you think your precious Scions will allow you to?” The bitterness in Emet-Selch’s voice was sudden, as if some jarring emotion had just welled up within him; he raised his head, flinching from Kai’s touch as if it caused him pain. “They need you to save everything this world holds dear. Do you really think they’ll just let you go? Let you go to an Ascian?”

“They’ll have to. They won’t be able to stop me.” Kai knew that what he was saying was wrong, so wrong, but he couldn’t stop the words from coming out. He felt giddy, off-balance, as if he were on an untamed chocobo, hurtling toward a cliff face, and being unable to care about it. There was only a corruption-driven need to take what he wanted, and damn the consequences. Damn the world. “Or I go with them, and do what I choose to do with them. I can travel the world, go to wherever - the Source, the Second, the Third, the Thirteenth - but I can come back to you.”

“You’re so sure.” A pithy comment, but Emet-Selch’s voice was wavering, the slightest warble of emotion. Kai nodded.

“I will always come back to you, and annoy the absolute piss out of you.” He attempted a smile. “I will be your own personal troublemaker.”

Of all the statements he’d made, Kai hadn’t expected that to be the one to garner a reaction from Emet-Selch. But it was clear a sudden jolt passed through him; Kai could hear the sharp intake of breath, the quickening motion of his chest. He could see the alertness in his entire frame, the way he seemed to be fighting himself on whether to lean closer or to rear back. But it was his face which really changed - gone was the forced, cynical neutrality, replaced by something that was suddenly aching with vulnerability, as if a direct hit had been scored upon him. He stared at Kai with eyes that had been startled out of their torpor, struggling to contain some emotion, widened with that same look of hope he’d claimed to have been imaginary. His lips were slightly parted, no part of him, not even the pearl earring or a single strand of hair, daring to move.

“Troublemaker…” His words were faint, breathed more than spoken. Kai nodded again, unsure what had caused the reaction softening his voice. Whatever had triggered it, he didn’t want Emet-Selch to hurt. Only wanted him to know gentle peace.

“Sure. Maybe if I’m travelling, and I snap my fingers, you can teleport in, come and help me from whatever trouble I’m in. When I do something stupid, like… I don’t know, getting stuck in a volcano or something.”

He’d meant it to be humorous. Instead, the final barrier was broken.

Emet-Selch shuddered as if physically struck, shut his eyes and lowered his head with the blow, before opening his eyes once more and looking at Kai with open emotion for the first time. His gaze was full of wonder — wonder and fear and horror and gut-wrenching emotion, all rolled into a maelstrom which tormented the golden discs of his eyes.

He was a different person - the cynicism, the cruelty, the aloofness, all gone and replaced with fragile vulnerability, doubt, youthful earnestness.

“No…” He was staring openly at Kai, yet somehow not seeing him. “You can’t be…”

Kai waited for more explanation, more words to well directly from Emet-Selch’s soul, but he appeared to be almost in a state of shock; he stretched out a hand, gently placed it on top of Emet-Selch’s, saw another shiver go through him at the touch.

“What can’t I be? I mean, I’m just me.”

“You can’t be!” Emet-Selch sounded fierce, but his eyes were shining. “You are not… it is just a trick!”

Kai didn’t understand any of this, knew that whatever was running through the Ascian’s mind would not be shared, knew that he could not understand it. He could only try to reassure. But how familiar this felt, too - as if he’d been in this room before with a stressed Emet-Selch, tried to relieve the burdens of his office, his anxieties, soothe him back to himself. Peered below the tempestuous surface of the man, to glimpse the guarded, shining soul that lay below. A soul that always wanted the best for this world, a soul that would do anything for his people.

He looked different. That soul was darker, stained with blood and grief, so ingrained that it might never be free of them. But it was still him.

Kai felt dizzy again, overwhelmed by sensations and thoughts that were not his own, fleeting whispers across the surface of his mind, like a gentle breeze skimming a lake. He did not recognize these thoughts, these emotions which seemed to be caused by Emet-Selch’s presence, by his own presence in this room. But he felt them welling inside him: everything connected to this man, the empathy, the happiness, the remorse, the sorrow. And a howling sense of guilt that he could not comprehend: heartbreak and mourning that he’d left Emet-Selch, had left him when he’d needed him.

He’d never left Emet-Selch, had never met him before the Crystarium, but he was certain that he had — was certain that he’d watched vivid golden eyes widen with horror and anger as he’d shouted furiously at him, had stormed out of this very room with a satchel on his back.

He had caused him pain.

Kai could not grasp any of this; it was all so far beyond him. The thoughts were so faint, so fleeting, that they made no permanent impression - footprints instantly washed away by the tides, unseen by any living being. But he still felt that tangle of grief and longing and love.

He moved, leaning down desperately to Emet-Selch, wrapping one hand around the back of his head, and kissed him. Felt the silent protest, the initial resistance against his hand, melt away. Felt their lips and tongues melt together, once more as if they were meant to be that way, never parted. The short, shaved hair at the back of Emet-Selch’s head felt unfamiliar - it was supposed to be longer, messily cascading to his shoulders as if he didn’t have time to take care of it - but everything else felt so right.

They stayed like that for a period of time that neither of them could measure, lost in each other, and the simple touch. Kai felt Emet-Selch finally relax into his hold, inched himself over, wrapped his arms around him. Simply held him against his chest as they kissed, felt his warm body mold against his, felt the sudden splash of a teardrop on his skin.

Their lips broke apart for a moment, hovering in place, feeling each other’s breaths. Kai took the opportunity to open his eyes, to look at the Ascian who was looking back at him with apprehension.

“There’s no trick,” he said softly. “It’s me.”

Emet-Selch’s face faltered again, as if he were in the most exquisite pain.

“I… want to believe that.”

Kai ran his hand down his smooth back, feeling no interruption but sweat and grime, the ghost of a scar. His own long hair had worked loose from its ponytail, was half-hanging, tangled against scales and sticking in sweat. He could stay like this forever.

“Ask yourself what you want,” he replied, as simply as he could.

Emet-Selch’s brow and eyelids lowered, and Kai could see the conflict raging through him. The desire he was feeling himself: the temptation to stay like this, forever in this embrace; to shut out the rest of the world and its petty problems – issues which affected whole stars, but fell away when they were in each other’s arms, no more substantial than what a Kholusian fisherman was having for his dinner. Eternity and bliss could be found and achieved, a lifetime free from worry or heartache. Everything that a person could desire.

But Kai could also see the darkness which threaded through those golden eyes, now half-lidded, covering orbs which did not see him anymore. The overwhelming urge and drive of one who was Tempered by their god, eternally forbidden to seek rest or respite. And possibilities which wormed their way into his ancient mind, caused the corner of his lips to twitch upward. A myriad of opportunities to further his goals, if the two of them were united - who would be able to stand against them? Zodiark’s tempering, and Emet-Selch’s own headlong drives, were so strong - even now.

Kai saw it, but his desire to choose his own fate was so strong within him that it failed to ring the warning bells. He waited, like a rabbit embracing a snake.

Emet-Selch’s eyes flicked to his, met his gaze, and Kai knew that a decision had been made.

“I want you inside me again.”

The tone of his voice had changed again, steady and assured.

The decision had been made. Kai just didn’t know what it had been. And consumed by his own wants, he didn’t really care.

“Sure you don’t want to beg me?” Kai grinned and stretched out a hand to cup Emet-Selch’s face; the Ascian didn’t flinch away from his touch. “Kind of like seeing you all needy.”

“I don’t beg.” So proud, so haughty; that felt completely right, too.

“Is that a challenge?”

Seeing the faintest smile curve across Emet-Selch’s lips was enough to get that electric, warm feeling down into his cock again - though in truth, it had never left. Seeing Emet-Selch turn away, lay his belly on the soiled sheets, pearlescent spatters still clinging to his ass cheeks in an open invitation: that provided even more of a jolt, the uncaging of sexual need, released from its confines with far too much ease. His cock was hard as steel, and he wanted to mount him and mindlessly plough into him. See him cry out beneath him, becoming incoherent, dribbling as his face muscles relaxed in the utter bonelessness of euphoria.

But no. Not this time. There was something he wanted more.

He touched Emet-Selch’s back, with a gentle but insistent push, and saw him look up questioningly.

“I want to see your face.”

There was that conflict of emotions in his eyes again, raging behind pale gold even as they opened wider, showing that vulnerability again. The slight parting of the mouth, followed by teeth grazing his bottom lip in conflict.

Was he so unused to this? To kind words or gestures, to being treated with love? Or was it something about Kai himself which seemed to unlock this within him, as if he were the key? But it never felt as though the bonds were entirely broken - perhaps there were two locks, and the second key was still missing.

Hesitantly, Emet-Selch reached out himself. Kai withdrew his hand, met him in the middle, their fingers entwining, just holding each other’s hand and being together for the longest moment. Staring at each other, both wondering what it was about this forbidden encounter that made them feel this way. Au Ra and Ascian. Blue and purple souls. Light and dark.

Then Emet-Selch was pushing with his hand, firmly guiding Kai on to his back, leaning over to press lips together, to slip that dainty, poisonous tongue into his mouth. Pressing a hard, smooth cock against Kai’s thigh, grinding for friction, signalling intent and readiness.

Kai chuckled in his throat; broke off the kiss so that he could grasp Emet-Selch’s hips, guide him until he straddled his slender belly, knees pressing into the mattress. Moved his hold to the Ascian’s ass cheeks as he leaned forward to plant more kisses on Kai’s face, felt the twin stubs of hard nipples pressing against his own chest, the cock which quivered excitedly on his abdomen. Emet-Selch was lavishing kisses on him, licking his scales, and Kai closed his eyes and simply existed, allowing himself to drown in the building desire within him. Let himself sink further and further down, until there was no escape, until he denied any lifeline that could’ve been thrown at him.

Then he opened his eyes and met Emet-Selch’s, knowing that they were burning with flame, signalling that he was ready.

Emet-Selch didn’t need any further encouragement.

He raised himself up, having to extend fully in order to position the tip of Kai’s pulsating ridged cock at his entrance. There was no need for any further lubrication; Kai realised that Emet-Selch was still dripping with the quantity of Light-infused cum he’d shot into him, and that that would provide all of the ease they required. The thought of sinking into a hole which was already slick with his own seed sent an unbearable ripple of erotic need through him, made him gasp with its power.

Emet-Selch’s face showed conflict again - not any emotional crisis this time, but struggling between his own needs, his own desire to plunge himself down and impale himself on Kai’s cock, and the need to show restraint, the knowledge of how much bigger and textured it was. Kai watched, breathless, reaching down and holding his dick in position as Emet-Selch began his descent. Watched him take the pointed head into his already-stretched hole, watched him tentatively slide down to the first ridge. Saw him take it, saw the ripple of pain and pleasure which coursed across his features, drawing a breath from him. Down to the second, the third, the fourth, his mouth opening a little more with each one, leaning back to take it, thrusting his chest out and tilting his head back. Kai withdrew his hand, not needing any additional support as he slowly filled Emet-Selch, panting as he felt the hot tightness around his cock, sliding further and further down, ilm by ilm.

He wanted to thrust upwards; he wanted to fuck and fuck, see Emet-Selch’s stiff cock slap against his own stomach as he rode him. But he knew that he had to stay still for the moment, trembling with anticipation, as Emet-Selch reached the knotty bulge at the base of his cock. It was challenging for other auri, let alone a Garlean body.

He needn’t have worried. Emet-Selch sank on to it, took it inside his ass, moaned with the deepest, most wanton pleasure, made Kai buck at the overwhelming heat which enveloped his cock right to the root. It forced a gasp out of him, at the need, at the feeling of togetherness. This feeling, more addictive than anything he’d ever experienced; he wanted it, he wanted nothing but that feeling. It was everything, it was all.

He began to roll his hips; to his surprise, it was instead Emet-Selch who began to move, using his knees to thrust himself up and down, the friction against Kai’s ridges moving through both of them, like a garment being rubbed up and down a washboard. The effect on both of them was immediate. Kai closed his eyes and pressed his head backward into the pillow, moaning at the sensation, writhing and clutching at the bedsheets, feeling joy flood through every part of him, melting away the world and its concerns. It filled him with a feeling that he never wanted to let go of, a feeling that could only be provided by the man who was determinedly fucking himself on him, his ragged cries so audible even through the fog in Kai’s head.

He opened his eyes even as he bucked his cock into Emet-Selch; saw that the man was looking both at him and through him. The look of sad desperation in his eyes, as if he were trying to recapture something he’d lost, chasing a fleeting memory that lay just beyond his fingertips, no matter how much he reached for it.

He was lost.

They were both lost.

They were lost in this sensation, this friction, this sexual desire, tangled in the weeds which grew below the surface of the waters and left to drown in it. They were lost in memory, both present and forgotten, the yearning for something that had been so long ago, had never been. They were lost in each other, in something they saw or did not see in their souls, something they felt or did not feel in their hearts.

Lost in darkness and light, grief and joy.

All of it was on Emet-Selch’s face, even as he fucked Kai deeper and deeper into himself, chasing that release and mindlessness. He was overcome, he was overstimulated, but he was so close to becoming him. Kai could feel it, could feel the man that Emet-Selch used to be, the man he truly was, thrashing beneath the surface; he wanted to cry let him through!

He was such a beautiful sight. The statue had finally become a man, flushed and sweating, fluid in his movements. Soaked hair flicking in the air like rat tails, dishevelled and sticking, muscles tensed and straining.

“What do you want?” Kai said it breathlessly, between pants, so close to his own release, groaning and loving the sight in front of him. “Tell me what you want!”

For a moment, nothing but that golden gaze, so wide and young.

“I want you.” The vulnerability trembled through Emet-Selch. “I want you…”

Kai lifted his hips, and gave Emet-Selch everything he had, all of him, body and soul.

He slammed into him from below, heard his cries, saw the look on his face which was half-agonised and half-adrift on bliss. Saw the grimace on his face as Kai’s knot repeatedly brutalised his rim, but saw his eyes roll back into his head as he was cast away on a raft of sensation, a helpless passenger on the waves. He arched his back, his full hard nipples pointing toward the skies, before throwing himself forward, planting his hands on Kai’s own chest, and simply taking it. Taking everything that Kai was giving him; even though his hair hung like a limp curtain, Kai could see that Emet-Selch was looking down to where they joined, watching himself being bred. Then his face turned upward and he was inches away from Kai’s, panting with an open mouth, sweat beading around his third eye, dripping down his desperate visage.

Kai stared back through fogged eyes, heard his own groans, not capable of anything but noise. But in his head, all he could hear was I love you. I love you. I shouldn’t love you. I love you.

Time became unreal and unimportant, a false measurement. What did it matter? What did it matter how many bells passed? What did it matter if it were a thousand thousand lifetimes? If they were together, what did any of it matter?

This was everything. He was everything.

There was nothing else.

Almost as though through a muffled layer of cotton, Kai felt his balls tense and explode forth, felt a surge of cum shoot out of him and into Emet-Selch, and heard himself almost scream as he did. Heard Emet-Selch distantly howling with pleasure; felt hot ropes of fluid land on his chest which hadn’t come from himself. His vision cleared to reveal Emet-Selch riding through his own orgasm, tossing his own cock even as the cum gushed from his hole, his own face and chest dashed with dripping white spatters. Looking for just the slightest moment, so young, and so relieved.

He lifted himself, his gaping hole treating Kai to the sensation of his own cum pouring back on to his crotch, to collapse on to the bed at his side.

Kai found his hand, attempted to thread his fingers, and was relieved when Emet-Selch tiredly did it for him.

And then they both laid there.

There was still no such thing as time. There was buzzing in Kai’s head, the pounding of his heart, the sound of his breaths. The feel of Emet-Selch’s slender fingers. The sounds faded away or slowed, until they became a gentle hum, body rates returning to normal.

The sensation of soft fingers entwined in his remained, a constant in his trance.

Kai opened his eyes. He didn’t know if he’d been asleep, or just in a dreamlike state. He didn’t know how long it had been. He looked over at Emet-Selch pressed into the pillow on his side of the bed, eyes closed, his own cum starting to dry where it had landed. His breathing was shallow and exhausted, dark eyelashes folded across his cheeks, the slightest hint of a frown marring his brow.

The youth and relief was gone again. Heaviness dragged at every part of his face and body, sank his shoulders, stiffened his spine, even in rest.

Kai sat, looked at him. Gently disengaged his fingers, meeting no resistance. Slipped off the bed, and padded to the bathroom.

It was a shady and well-appointed room, tiled in a cool turquoise colour, with a spacious plunge bath which Kai fully intended to take advantage of. The fountain he’d heard earlier was a prettily-decorated basin mounted on the wall underneath a mirror, with a constant stream of water. There was a washcloth neatly folded on its edge, and Kai walked over to hold it underneath the stream, wringing it in his hands, before experimentally swiping it up his arms. The water had a curiously brackish scent, as if it had come from the bottom of the sea, but he ignored it.

He cleaned himself up as best he could, allowing himself to dry in the cool air, returned the cloth to the water in order to clean it off and take a second load. As he did so, he looked in the mirror for the first time.

He was changed.

His hair, previously a solid golden blonde, was white at the tips as if it had been bleached by harsh desert sun. He touched it; there was no brittleness, but it was as if the Light had drained all colour from it, replaced it with the dead white of Sin Eaters.

And his eyes. No longer the warm amber they’d been, the same eyes which ran in his family, but a bleached yellow which glowed with something far stronger than the light of an Au Ra’s limbal ring. It marked him as profoundly different, whether it had been caused by the Light’s attempts to make him a Sin Eater, or whether by the radiance that had been trapped in his head, exploding at the moment of his revelation, his freedom, his choice.

He was different. It made him stand out. He was an outsider once more.

He didn’t care.

Kai shrugged, and went back to Emet-Selch.

He sat beside him on the bed, and gently began to clean him up. Started with his face, eliciting a tired grumble, moved on to every part of his body that had been besmirched by filth. Cleaned him, doted on him, and worshipped this statue with its marble skin. Pressed kisses against his legs. Threw the cloth to one side, and climbed behind Emet-Selch. Laid down and pressed his body against the Ascian’s back, stole an arm around his waist.

Kai just held him. Felt the sadness which radiated off him. Lifted his tail, and curled it over Emet-Selch in a protective, yet possessive manner.

“Mine,” he whispered, putting his lips against Emet-Selch’s spine and felt him shiver.

“...We shall see.”

Kai lifted his head slightly, placed his scaled chin against Emet-Selch’s shoulder, could see nothing but the back of his dark head and the gleaming pearl earring.

“So what now?” he asked, aware that Emet-Selch’s decision had been made. Still having no inkling of what it had been. But the thrill of danger, the knowledge that Emet-Selch had made a choice, and that Kai himself had made a choice to ignore it - that remained. He knew he should run.

He chose not to. He didn’t want to.

It was stupid and reckless. And he chose not to miss a moment of it.

Emet-Selch was quiet for a moment, but Kai could feel the muscles of his jaw moving ever so slightly as he smiled.

“I told you that I’d show you everything - all things that you never even realised you wanted.”

Emet-Selch turned over, making Kai move to accommodate him, felt the Ascian’s fingers stroke his face. Felt them tickle against his sensitive horn, making him gasp for breath, as Emet-Selch’s eyes gleamed.

“My dear… your re-education has only just begun.”