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Eddie had always known.
From the day he’d told Buck he can always have his back, he’d known. He’d always known when he saw Buck with Chris. When he’d gotten shot and Buck was right in front of him, he’d known. He’d known when he yelled at him at the supermarket during the lawsuit, and he’d known when Buck had told him to let Ana go if he didn’t love her. He’d known. He’d just known. That yes, Buck was the one.
But he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t even admit it to himself. Yes, he was understandably a little freaked out about the fact that his was in love with a man, because he’d only ever been attracted to women and he’d never had the chance to explore his sexuality or anything because he’d been with Shannon. But he was more freaked out about it being his best friend.
Before Buck, he’d never really had a best friend. He’d had friends in school, a few close friends, but never a best friend. Never someone who’d gotten him like Buck. And now he was scared…of admitting to himself that indeed, he was in love with his best friend, and of what that would mean.
Yes he could pretend that he only had platonic feelings for him, and yes he could swallow the hurt and jealousy he felt when he saw him with other people (he’d admittedly been very jealous of Taylor Kelly and hadn’t realized that after they’d broken up, but hey it can be passed off as being annoyed at the way she was, because let’s be honest, she wasn’t very nice).
But what he was really scared of was acting without thinking and giving himself up, displaying his very unplatonic feelings at a moment of weakness and ruining his friendship.
So for now, he’ll just…he’ll just keep telling himself that Buck was only his best friend, and not the man he’d wish would stay with him forever.