Work Text:
The home office was dark when Kagami walked in, but these days she preferred things that way. She didn’t need to see the dark circles under her eyes in the mirror across the room. She didn’t need to look too closely at all of Marinette’s things on her desk, where they’d no doubt sit for months before Kagami figured out what to do with them. Normally, Kagami would have been more efficient about things like that, but…she really didn’t have the energy to care at the moment.
Leaning back against the door, Kagami let her tired eyes sweep around the space. Technically, it had been a shared office, but Kagami had barely used it. She’d always been better at not taking work home with her, preferring to keep boundaries in place.
Home was for relaxing. For coming home and pouring two glasses of wine as scents of spices and herbs wafted into the dining room. For cuddling up on the couch and watching movies. For curling up with a book on the window seat while Marinette caught up on commissions. Home was for Marinette.
At least it used to be.
Hiding in the office wouldn’t have been Kagami’s first choice, but it was the first door she’d seen. And she just needed a break. From the noise, from the people…from pretending she wasn’t seconds away from falling apart at any given second.
As her eyes adjusted, she glanced around the space. There was a mess of scrap fabric on the desk that was meant to be Kagami’s, spilling over onto the floor where a pair of scissors and pins were scattered about. A month ago she would have walked in and rolled her eyes. Told her wife she was already enough of an injury risk without leaving sharp things lying around.
A month ago, Marinette would have rolled her eyes right back and maybe stuck out her tongue and made a joke about how she hadn’t died yet.
A month ago, she would have been alive to make that joke.
Blinking back tears, Kagami searched for a distraction. Marinette’s desk was more organized than the rest of the space—schedules hung around it and an array of colourful pens and notepads were carefully arranged along the edges. But what caught Kagami’s eyes was the pink diary sitting on the corner.
She walked over and trailed her fingers across the holographic cover, thinking about all the memories that must have been inside. It certainly held secrets that even Kagami didn’t know about—Marinette had been writing in it since she was in collège, though the entries had absolutely gotten more sporadic as she got older. Once, she’d asked Kagami if she wanted to read it—some playful comment about how they should share everything now that they were married. But Kagami had declined the offer, thinking she had a lifetime to hear all of those stories.
Things were different now.
The diary’s spine cracked open when Kagami picked it up, and a picture fell onto the desk. Kagami debated ignoring it. She debated setting down the diary and maybe trying to escape from the office window—there were enough Miraculous holders in the living room that surely someone would think to make an excuse for where Kagami had gone if they saw news of Ryuuko out and about.
But her curiosity had already been piqued, so she flipped over the photo to see a fourteen-year-old Adrien—from his modelling days—smiling back at her. Kagami almost laughed at that—almost, because it was too hard to get anything past the lump in her throat. But it was so Marinette to still have that picture after all this time; she’d always been terrible about getting rid of things. She’d always clung tightly to the past.
Now, more than anything, Kagami wished she could cling to Marinette one more time.
Instead, she’d have to make do with memories.
So Kagami sat down at the desk and flipped idly through the pages. Maybe she’d read things in more detail later, but for now she searched for something familiar. So she flipped through until she caught a glimpse of her own name, smoothed open the page, and began to read.
August 27th, 2021
Wow. Hey there, diary. Long time no see.
Well, okay. Technically I do see it on my shelf every day but like…that doesn’t count? Plus when you “see” something every day sometimes you don’t really “see” it, you know? (And that is…so not the point. Like wow the way I’ll do anything to procrastinate packing LOL)
But yeah. I’m moving out, and Adrien and I…well, you know. I don’t need to get into it again omg. Because this isn’t sad! I’M not even sad anymore—pretty much the opposite. This is a new beginning, and so when the diary fell off my shelf I figured…might as well commemorate(?) it. Not sure that’s even the right word but my other option was commiserate and THAT is defs wrong.
To the point! University starts NEXT! WEEK! Alya and I managed to find a cheap-ish place that is…well, it’s nowhere near campus really LOL. But it’s ours, and that’s nice. Kagami is helping me pack up my room right now. Or, okay. She’s glaring at me for taking a break, but really. We’ve been friends long enough at this point, she knows how I work. And this is totally beside the point but…she looks !! SO GOOD !! with her new haircut !! And like. Those legs. Fencing is working for her. I’m actually in agony right now, I’m SUCH a bi disaster. She can never read this HAHAHAHAHA Ok shit she’s walking over. BYE!
Kagami bit her lip as she finished, holding back a wave of emotion.
The way it was written was so Marinette that it hurt. All big feelings and big letters and big exclamation marks. The words felt alive, and that was cruel.
Plus, Kagami remembered that day. She remembered her fingers brushing Marinette’s as they both reached for the packing tape. She remembered catching Marinette staring at her few times too many and wondering if there might be something to it. Hoping there was something to it. At the very least, she knew now that Marinette had at least been held a fascination with her legs.
She couldn’t decide if knowing that now made thing better or worse.
November 27th, 2021
HAHAHA OK I AM FREAKING OUT. I spent, a few hours studying with Kagami today, and like…she kept staring at me? Which I’m used to, sort of, except normally it’s because I’m being distracting? Like when I’m shaking the table because I’ve had too much coffee or I don’t realize I’m tapping my pen like a fiend or when I’m being annoying on purpose because I want attention? But I SWEAR I wasn’t doing anything today. And…damn it! Why is there no efficient way to keyboard smash in a diary?
*pauses for dramatic breath*
But yeah she kept looking back at me and a few times I caught her and she was TOTALLY smiling when she looked away and like…I don’t want to ASSUME it means something, but it has to, right? Alya thinks I should just ask her out. Hell, even Adrien said I should. But like…it’s Kagami too. She’s so good at being…direct I guess? So if she did like me…she would just say something, right? AAAAAH I DON’T KNOW. Going to go scream into my pillow for a few hours LOL ok bye.
It hurt. It hurt so much to read about their relationship in its beginning stages, knowing how it would end. Still, Kagami couldn’t tear her eyes away.
December 12th, 2022
This is like. The biggest day ever, diary. EVER. Because this is the day I, one Marinette Dupain-Cheng, became smooth.
(Ok, no it’s not. Because I spilled iced coffee all over myself the second after the story I’m about to tell you, and thank kwamis that ICED coffee is the official beverage of The Gays™, even though Kagami teases me about getting it in the winter, because at least I didn’t burn myself!)
But okay, okay, okay! Back to the story. So I went to a movie with Kagami and we grabbed coffee afterwards since I wanted to stay up late…because I am suppooosed to be writing a paper right now, I’m just too excited!
Because !!! Kagami got a matcha latte. And she normally doesn’t get like…milk-based things. So I asked if there was a special occasion. And she just like shrugged and like…LOOKED AT ME from across the table in that coy little way she has been lately. Then she said she just felt like being a little spontaneous. And there were so many damn butterflies in my stomach you might as well have called me Monarch, but I just replied like it was nothing: “Oh, is it because you love me a latte?” (I have…been spending too much time with Adrien lately). And like. Kagami got all flustered? And. I can’t even summarize the rest because I don’t think I processed half of it. But then we were holding hands and leaning in and I TOLD HER HOW I FEEL and there was even kissing?!
And yeah, sure. Then I spilled coffee. BUT I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND SO WHO CARES
The weight in Kagami’s chest sank further and further the longer she read, making her eyes sting and her stomach swirl. But she couldn’t stop. She read Marinette waxing poetic about the outfit Kagami had worn for their first date. She read about their first Valentine’s Day and their first trip to Japan and the first time Marinette had realized she wanted forever with Kagami.
That one hurt the most—somehow, though Kagami had heard the story dozens of times before, she’d never heard it quite like that.
Eventually the frequency of the entries began to dwindle, and that hurt in a whole other way. Because it meant there were less things to document. Less things that were milestones, because they were just normal. They were just life.
They’d had an entire damn life together, and now that was just…gone.
July 28th, 2024
Oh wow, it’s been a hot second, hasn’t it? But I’m moving again (in with Kagami!!), and OH HEY would you look at that? Just like last time I came back from diary-writing-hiatus (not a thing but whatever), she’s staring at me because I’m refusing to pack. She’s not doing nearly as good of a job at pretending she’s upset though. You wouldn’t believe what a softie she is these days. (Just for me lol. And I wouldn’t call her that to her face…probably)
But even so, I should probably go before she gets upset. (Yeah, I just want to distract her with kisses and drag her out for ice cream. But CAN YOU BLAME ME?)
(No. You’re a diary. You can’t do anything.)
Kagami lost focus for a while, merely skimming a few entries until she neared a familiar date.
August 2nd, 2026
So this isn’t really a MILESTONE I guess, but Kagami is so CUTE when she’s planning something. Like you’d think she’d be good at it, since she’s…well she’s good at almost everything. But in this case it’s mostly just that she’s so much…more subtle than I am I guess? But I know she’s up to something for my birthday this year…now I just have to figure out what.
I know it has something to do with a coffeeshop? Which is…odd, but I AM intrigued.
Will update you later.
August 8th, 2026
Heh. So…turns out Kagami is actually a lot better at keeping secrets than I gave her credit for, because HELLO I AM ENGAGED? And I don’t actually think I have much time to write this entry, because she’s wondering why I’m doing this while we’re supposed to be celebrating and Oh. Oh no. AAAAH she’s going to kill me (unintentionally) because…that’s…really nice lingerie.
Yeah, I need to go now.
Kagami flipped the page and froze.
There was another picture tucked between those pages, and she didn’t need to turn it over to see what it was. The pages after that one seemed untouched, and there was only one more milestone she could think of.
She turned over a picture to see Marinette’s smiling face. To see her own smiling face. A red cheongsam and a white kimono.
It was a picture meant to promise forever.
A tear rolled down Kagmai’s cheek as she began reading the last entry.
May 14th, 2027
It’s so…insane reading through all this? To see how my life has changed over the years?
Tomorrow is one of the biggest changes of all though, and I’m…I don’t even know. I’m exhausted and ecstatic and terrified and elated and (insert a hundred more adjectives here). But most of all, I’m just ready.
I’m so ready to be Kagami’s wife. To wake up every day and…
Kagami couldn’t finish.
A sob slipped out and the diary tumbled to the floor. Her breaths were rapid and shallow. She couldn’t seem to steady them. Didn’t really see the point in trying to when Marinette was gone.
So she buried her face in her arms and cried.
She hadn’t really done that yet—not more than a stray tear or two. Not because she didn’t feel the loss every single waking second, but because there had been too much to do. And she’d been in shock. And because she wasn’t really much of a crier anyways.
That didn’t mean the feeling hadn’t been gnawing away at her insides, leaving her as hollow as a cheap chocolate egg, and likely just as fragile.
It hadn’t even been two weeks—funerals came together weirdly fast. But then again, they’d been prepared for that sort of thing for years. They’d had those plans in writing even before they’d promised each other a lifetime.
Kagami hadn’t married Ladybug and not known the risks.
But that didn’t make it hurt any less.
At some point the door clicked open, but Kagami barely processed it. She was too far gone to care about something as silly as protecting her pride. She barely processed the hand rubbing soothingly up and down her back either, and it was only when her sobs faded to desperate sniffles that she recognized the voice.
“It’s alright,” Adrien said. “Let it out. I’m right here.”
Kagami sucked in a shuddering breath, wiped her eyes, and looked over. Adrien shrank back when they locked eyes, which just made Kagami feel colder. His hand fell away.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I should have just barged in. I know you…I’m probably the last person you want to see right now.”
She shook her head and cleared her throat. “You’re not.”
Really, she felt more at ease with him than with anyone else. Sabine and Tom…they’d lost a child. And even though Kagami knew they wanted to help her, she felt guilty putting more on their plate. Her own mother…definitely not an option. And Kagami had never been all that great at making friends. Most of her close friends had been Marinette’s friends first, and as much Kagami loved them, she’d never really seen eye to eye with them.
But she and Adrien had always had lots in common. And aside from Kagami, he was the person who’d likely been closest to Marinette.
It hurt even more that Adrien had been avoiding Kagami since Marinette’s death.
Adrien leaned back against the desk, staring at his feet. “I should have saved her.”
Kagami took his hand, swallowing the urge to cry again. “It’s not your fault, Adrien. She made her own decision.”
“Yeah, but…it should have been me.”
Kagami pulled her hand away, abruptly enough that Adrien's eyes shot back up to hers.
“Don’t,” she said, her voice shaking. “Don’t belittle her death like that. Don’t pretend you weren’t worth saving, Adrien. That doesn’t make it better, you hear me?”
Adrien’s bottom lip trembled, but he gave a sharp nod.
“She wouldn’t want you to blame herself. She’d want you to keep going, and you owe that to her.”
“I know," he whispered. "But I miss her.” He wiped a tear. “And I miss you, which is…my own fault, probably. But I just didn’t think you’d want to see me, and it’s hard, and—”
“Adrien” —Kagami grabbed his hand again— “I’m right here.”
He broke into tears, and Kagami felt a new batch slip down her own cheeks as well. Still, she forced herself to stand and wrap her arms around him, and she felt the tiniest bit better when he returned the hug.
The future was cold, and empty, and nothing like Kagami had imagined it.
But at least, for a few minutes, she didn’t feel alone.