Chapter Text
ONLY LOVE CAN HURT LIKE THIS
MUST HAVE BEEN A DEADLY KISS
She’s pretty.
It’s not like she hasn’t noticed it before, she’s seen Ashley McGrady enough times at the station to recognize the blonde. She’s heard stories of the woman from Officer McGrady when picking up their war bags at start of shift that she’s sure she has an idea of who she is. Except she’s never really noticed her, she’s never had a reason to, at least not until now. Lucy finds her because of Tim, because as much as she'll deny it (especially to herself), he's the first person she looks for in a room. She can't help but stare as they stand on the second floor, dark gaze curiously taking the woman in; perfect blonde beach waves cascade just past her shoulder, wide bright green eyes that bat at Tim, tall and lean as she stands with confidence. There’s an air of familiarity about her and it takes her a second before she's finally able to land on why: Isabel. At least she’s certain that’s the way Isabel carried herself before the addiction from what she's seen and heard. From the few pictures of moments in time she's sure were of a different lifetime for Tim; of the memories he's shared about his ex-wife in the time he left down the walls around him to let Lucy in; and from the one time she visited Isabel after she had left rehab and saw the glimpse of who she used to be, someone who looks a lot like the blonde standing front of Tim.
Despite her best efforts, the corner of her lips tug into a frown and Lucy can't help but feel disappointed; the worst part is she's not sure why. Is it because of the scene playing out in front of her? Or that she just realized how it's been a while since she's seen him smile like that? He stands with ease, laugh lines creasing into his features as he genuinely reacts to whatever he's saying, brows lifting at how she has his undivided attention. She's sure the last person she saw garner such reaction from him was Rachel. It's the thought of her friend that causes her to second guess whether he has a type or not as she watches the flirty exchange between the pair. Lucy's sure that he doesn't, she’s studied him long enough to know him pretty well but watching how taken he is by her, she can’t help but wonder. Was Rachel the exception? Possibly. After all, it was Lucy who had set them up in the first place. A new train of thought that leaves her feeling foolish.
Why does she care? What's it to her? It's almost exhausting how often she finds herself asking this question. One that Jackson once answered, reassuring her that she cared because that's just who she was, a caring person. Except if she's being honest with herself, Lucy knows that there's more to it than just that. Deep down, she knows it goes past her level of empathy because there’s something about seeing Tim smile that almost always manages to bring a smile to her lips, especially when he's the one she's smiling at.
She tells herself that it's because if there's anyone in the world that deserves happniess, it's him. Despite his exterior demeanor, how he's so rough around the edges, the way he comes off as a complete hard ass, the no nonsense air he carries himself with, he has a heart of goal. That it's all for show as he puts up these walls to protect himself and who he is at his core is the complete opposite of who he presents to be. It's not like she can blame him either, not really. What he's lived and how he's come up on top of it is nothing short of a miracle. The beatings he received as a child, the tours he did in the Army, the way his marriage crumbled because of his ex-wife's addction, all deep trauma that could break anyone. The brusies, cuts, and scars he carries are ones that could easily destroy someone and yet he continues to persevere. She admires him so much for it, even in the moments where he was such a complete pain in her ass that Lucy was sure she hated him a little, that sense of admiration remained. Something that ultimatley turned into respect as he let one wall after another fall and as they grew closer, that notion of respect turned into affection as she learned to care for him.
Just how much affection does she hold for him? Easily more than she'll ever let herself admit to. As she watches him flirt with Ashley there's a small voice in her head that's perhaps as close as she'll get to recognizing it as it nudges at her that something isn't right. It spreads deep in her veins as she's left with an unsettling feeling that she refuses to name at the pit of her stomach. Instead she pushes it away as she reprimands it, attempting to convince herself that he deserves to be happy with whoever can provide him the life that slipped away from the life that slipped away from his fingers when Isabel walked away. He deserves to heal from the trauma life has thrown his way once and once again. Judging by how happy he seems as he talks to Ashley, she knows he deserves the chance to find out if that second chance is with her.
He deserves this — and she's happy for him, or at least she really wants to be.
They continue their exchange as she fidgets around trying to seem less obvious at how she's staring. The smile on Tim's lips is captivating and while she'll lie to herself and say that she can't look away because she's gathering enough context to pester him, the truth is that she can't look away because of how happy he seems. Which is the complete contradiction to what she feels as she's hit with a wave of something that feels like disappointment mixed with jealousy run through her body. It's a feeling she can't shake and while she tries (and fails) to label it as something else, she finds herself unable to look away. It's frustrating to say the least, especially with how much easier things would be if she could just turn around and walk away, but she can't help but wonder what it is that has both of them smiling like that. Ashley nods about a second later at whatever was just said and Lucy knows that she'll eventually find herself asking him about it because she's far too curious for her own good. The only way she'll stop replaying this interaction between them is once she's able to tease him about it and find out what exactly was spoken that had them so wrapped up in the other's presence.