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Absolute darkness shrouded your body. The blinds were drawn shut, comforter in a deadlock between your fingers pulled over your head. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d left this room, let alone the little fortress of blankets and pillows that you’d made for yourself.
It was just one of those days. Or maybe it’d been a week already. Time wasn’t linear when the episodes hit and you hardly felt human. Hell, the only way you knew night from day was when Eddie climbed into bed behind you.
Bless him. You knew the bad days hurt him too. The days when you could hardly stand to live in your own skin, let alone have him touch said skin.
You noticed the overhead light flick on from beneath the comforter. Even with closed eyes, it stung. Your face felt raw and puffy from hours upon hours of crying, and god only knows when you’d last run a comb through your hair.
“Get up.” Eddie said firmly. That voice was typically only used when you were running late for work or when you hadn’t gotten off early enough to catch his set on Tuesdays.
Despite that, you pretended to not hear him, clenching the blanket tighter in response to what you foresaw coming next.
“I know you’re not ignoring me, Y/N.” He said, and you could only imagine the fed up look sitting on top of an already annoyed expression.
“Just let me sleep, please.” You said meekly, quiet as a mouse with hopes he’d just go strum his guitar in the corner of the room until he was ready to come to bed.
Afterall, it wasn’t him that you didn’t want to be around — it was yourself. But your options were limited.
“You’ve been sleeping for three days, sweetheart. Time to start talkin’.”
No matter how strong your grip on the edge of that comforter was, Eddie’s was much stronger. He grabbed the corner of it from underneath your feet and yanked it right off of your body, leaving you lying amongst stained sheets and disheveled pillows, curled up into yourself like a little kitten that’d somehow lost its mom.
When he grabbed your ankle, you went berserk. The feeling of his fingers wrapped around your skin made you want to shrivel up and die — not because you didn’t want him, but because how the fuck could he want you?
“I don’t wanna fucking talk , Eddie!” You spat, and maybe you would’ve given that decision a second thought if you’d been in the right state of mind. But you weren’t, so you coupled the fit already being thrown with thrashing limbs and a wriggling torso, hoping to throw him off of you like an alligator doing a death roll.
“I don’t give a fuck !” He shouted back, taking your other ankle in his free hand as well until your legs were hanging over the edge of the bed. Once there, it was either be dragged onto the floor like a shirt in his pile of dirty laundry, or sit up straight and answer for your crimes.
You chose the latter.
Eddie crossed his arms, shins flush against your knees, ready to tangle your legs up with his if you made any sudden moves. “Spit it out. What’s the fucking deal?”
And like an insolent child , you turned your nose up and responded, “I don’t have a deal.”
Another bad decision on your part. Eddie cocked his eyebrow, tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek to bite back the brutality he’d be showing you any other time.
“That really the game you wanna play with me, Y/N?” He reached down to take your chin in his palm, squeezing your jaw just enough to make your lips pucker as he forced you to look up at him.
There was an ounce of mercy there, at least. A softness that he would admit to showing you far too often for your own good. Eddie stroked your pouty bottom lip with his calloused thumb, pulling it down just to watch it bob back into place.
“Much easier if you just open up, angel. Don’t you want daddy to help make things better?” He asked gently. And good god, you did. You wanted him to wrap you up in his arms and let you just fucking cry it out until the sun came up. Maybe then you’d be able to stand the sight of your own reflection.
But as any classic self sabotaging behavior goes, you couldn’t admit to wanting such a thing.
“I want you to leave. me. alone.” You growled, teeth showing clearly. Venom dripping, soft hairs lining your spine furrowed in defense. And holy shit, would you regret that.
Eddie crouched down to eye level with you, a maniacal, deranged smile forming slowly on his face, and laughed . “Well, that fucking sucks for you, doesn’t it?”
That hand on your chin moved down to circle your throat, every ounce of mercy he’d been showing you moments earlier gone out the window as he squeezed your windpipe shut while forcing you to your feet. With his free hand he grabbed for the waistband of your shorts, ripping them down your hips as you struggled to balance on your toes, gripping his wrist and forearm for support all the while.
“Eddie, stop !” You managed to gasp, eyes searching for his as his gaze raked over the parts of your body he’d managed to expose. Eating up your thighs and mound and stomach visually.
He did spare you a brief glance though, one that told you, “You know the safe word. And I’m not stopping unless you use it.”
Eddie’s hand moved up your form, shoving your shirt over your breasts until he was able to grip it with the same fingers used to confiscate your breathing.
“This how you like to be treated?” He mused, icy palm washing over each mound of flesh, squeezing them and plucking your nipples individually until they stood erect.
Where you took a beat to respond, Eddie did not. That same hand just being used to grope you whipped across your face; a quick, sharp, stinging slap that left your already raw cheek burning, made no better by the feeling of his hot breath washing over you as he yanked your face so close to his that your noses were touching.
“I asked you. a goddamn. question.” He seethed through clenched teeth, black eyes staring hard into yours.
And you felt like you were on the verge of passing out from lack of oxygen, but it would be much worse for you when you woke up if you didn’t at least answer him beforehand.
“Y-yes—” You choked, toes still scraping against the carpet with lack of purchase. “Yes, s-sir…”
He lowered you gently onto your heels, loosening his grip enough for you to suck in a deep, much needed breath of air.
“Well look at that, turns out she can be good.” He keened, but that praise didn’t last for long. The smile lines drawing down Eddie’s face disappeared as his mouth fell into a scowl that almost broke your heart. “Take your shirt off and get into position.”
He ripped his hands off of you as if you were sickly. Like you’d contracted the plague and he was the witch doctor tasked with blood letting the ghosts from your veins. And maybe that was what would fix your head up — allowing Eddie to exercise your demons in the most inhumane, disgusting ways possible.
If that were the case, you’d let him have his way with you. Whatever way he wanted, as long as you could forget about everything for a short while.
You pulled your shirt over your head and lost it somewhere on the floor, crawling onto the edge of bed by your hands and knees. Face and chest pressed against the mattress, back arched, hips perched high up in the air; you knew the position well enough.
What you didn’t know was that he had no intention of using his palm on you this time — not until you felt the crack of his leather belt meet your ass through the thin protection of your panties.
“ Fuck!” You shouted, immediately reaching back to shield yourself from any secondary blows.
But Eddie grabbed up both wrists in one hand, kneeling beside you against the pillowtop surface to put a bit of his weight on the center of your back. “Fight it and shit’s only gonna get worse, Y/N.” He warned.
For reasons you were unable to assess with fire lighting up your backside, his use of your government name hurt almost as bad as the punishment you were receiving. Usually when you were stationed on your hands and knees, he was all “good girl” this and “just a few more, baby” that.
Not now, though. Not when he was forcing you to your mental breaking point.
“Count ‘em out.” He said, and once you stopped struggling, his folded up belt came down again like the hand of God.
Nine lashes later, tears were filling your eyes to the brim. The skin on your ass welted up with wide streaks, bruises clouding the surface almost immediately. But you still counted every single goddamn strike. Through choppy breaths and spoken in ragged tongues, you called out every number proudly, wearing them like badges of valor earned on behalf of your piss poor attitude.
You heard the metallic sound of Eddie’s belt hitting the floor behind you before feeling his hand release your wrists. He smoothed his palm up the length of your spine, scraping his fingernails against the nape of your neck and through your hair before taking hold of your locks at the scalp.
“You know I hate hurting you, baby.” He said, leaning down to ghost his lips over the shell of your ear, sending a chill shivering down your spine. “But god fucking damnit, do you look pretty all marked up.”
The hand previously wrapped in leather slid over the swell of your ass, fingers slipping beneath your panties to physically admire the welts forming there.
“ Ah!— ” You hissed, sucking in through gritted teeth. You wanted to bear the pain, if only to earn the praise that he never failed to shower you in at the end of it all.
“That hurt, angel?” His fingers pressed again into the raised skin, causing you to inhale sharply before he continued down, soothing the hurt by massaging his knuckles on either side of your cunt. “Can’t hurt that fucking bad. Not if you’re already this drenched for me.”
Red hot embarrassment washed over you as his fingers were able to glide so smoothly over your weeping entrance. Arousal had pooled at your center, coating his touch as he stroked between your folds.
“Thought you didn’t want it, hm?” He keened, the pad of his thumb finding your clit and resting there. Teasing you with touch and without movement.
But the worst of the worst was still inside your head. You still hurt. That deep ache still resonated inside of you. You closed your eyes, face pressed into the mattress and told him a blatant lie . One that you knew would only spur him further.
“I just want to be sad, Eds.” You said, and tears finally fell over the balls of your cheeks in time with his two digits sliding against your inner walls.
“You can be sad,” He replied, lips moving down to press against your shoulder. Eddie left a burning kiss there, complimented by his fingers digging deeper, striking gold only when he curled them upward. “But you’re still getting fucked. No point in both of us being sad, right?”
You felt his icy cold rings scraping against your entrance as his fingers massaged that fucking spot that forced endorphins to flood your brain. They worked back and forth, knuckles bending inside of you to open you up for him. And you tried to keep quiet for a second, tried to bite your lip and keep your eyes focused on the stains lingering on his sheets, but every time his thumb made a circle around your clit, a needy, breathless moan encouraged him to keep going. Right until you were on the brink of fucking maddness.
“Right there! Holy fucking –”
“Oh, right here?” Eddie pulled his fingers out for just long enough to add a third, watching as your naked form erupted in goosebumps, your fingers clawing at the sheets, twisting them up in your adorable little hands. “That’s it, baby. That’s my sweet girl, huh? You’re allowed to feel good, y’know.”
Just as you dipped your toes over the edge of Heaven, Eddie ripped his fingers out of you. Leaving you gutted. Emptier than you’d been before he’d entered the room. He didn’t stray far though, didn’t even pull his hand off of your ass as he began digging around in his pocket.
A few seconds later, you realized what he’d been searching for.
The cool blade of his pocket knife grazed over your hip, and you must’ve made a miniscule flinch because the hand still wrapped up in the root of your hair only tightened more.
“Don’t move. Unless you want me to nick you.” He mumbled, all of his focus lying in the reflection of your skin on metal.
Eddie drew shapes on your flesh. Wrote you love letters in script you couldn’t make out with your heartbeat thumping in your ears. Never did he press down hard enough to draw blood, but little pink lines would serve as a reminder as to whose you were.
“Gotta get these panties off, they’re fucking ruined.”
The tip of the blade shimmied its way between your skin and the thin fabric that’d done its best to protect you. It stood no chance when he turned the pocket knife sideways though, sharp edge snapping through the hip of your underwear like an already frayed lifeline.
Once the other side was cut in two, he tossed the knife on the floor and began peeling away your final shred of clothing, leaving you on display for him to adore.
“Fucking Christ…” He whispered to himself, and you knew what he was looking at.
You could feel your arousal dripping, the contrast of cool air conditioning hitting your warm cunt causing you to clench around his absence. Eddie pulled his hand out of your hair and disappeared behind you, finally stripping himself of all clothing and morals as well.
He kneeled off the end of the bed, both hands on either side of your ass while admiring all you were giving him – yourself, in your entirety.
“Such a pretty little pussy.” You felt his palms slide down. Eddie’s thumbs reached for your core and pressed against your sleek folds, spreading them open so he could see where his cock was going to be in just a few short moments.
When his breath fanned over your center, you couldn’t help but to jolt. “Wait, wait! I haven’t showered yet!”
Eddie scoffed, “Like I give a shit.”
And then his tongue was in you. Probing deep, lapping up all of that arousal that he’d caused. Prolonging your release by neglecting your clit completely, but delivering immense pleasure all the same. He took your folds between his lips and feasted on them, moans of satisfaction vibrating up your spine and strumming your heartstrings.
“Oh my god,” he groaned into you. “Jesus H Christ, you taste so fucking good –”
You could hear the quiet smack of his fist hitting his waist as he stroked himself while working you over, his hand slowly moving up and down his cock with your own indecencies being used as lubricant. As much as you didn’t want him in those moments, you did. In body, but not in mind, you needed him.
“This what you need, sweetheart?” Eddie asked, dragging a long stripe up both of your holes on his way to standing up behind you. You felt him run the head of his cock along the imprints left on your ass, dragging a trail of pre-cum along your backside. “I bet this’ll make you feel better, huh?”
He gave you another firm smack and then you were being hoisted up, forced to sit up straight on your knees with your back pressed against his chest. With his length nestled between the spread of your cheeks, Eddie wrapped his hand around the front of your neck and maneuvered you around to face the end of the bed – or more accurately, the dirty full length mirror that stood on the other side of the room.
“Look at yourself, pretty girl. Want you to watch while I fuck you senseless.” He crooned, spare hand groping you freely as he climbed onto the mattress behind you, squeezing your breasts and thighs and the meat of your hips.
Eddie kicked your thighs apart with his knees and slid his bare length against your center, barely giving you a moment to prepare yourself for the quick, full thrust.
He slapped his hand over your mouth at the slightest notion that you were going to cry out, “Shhh, shh, shh—” He whispered into your ear, fingers tightening together around your throat, holding himself deep inside of you. “Maybe if you’d fucking opened up the first time I asked, I would’ve spent more time playing with you. Gettin’ your sweet little pussy ready for my cock.”
He withdrew slowly before delivering another deep, sharp, gut wrenching thrust. And then another, and then another. Holding your head stationary while he dove for your shoulder, suckling blood to the surface as choked off grunts accompanied each unforgiving drive into your depths.
It was all you could do to stay conscious as he picked up the pace. His swollen, throbbing head hit that perfect spot so well, over and over again, causing your eyes to roll back and flutter shut briefly.
The sting of his palm slapping across your cheek again brought you back to life though. Eyes snapped wide open as he wrenched your head to the side. “I told you to fucking watch!” He gritted through clenched teeth.
Eddie was trying his damnedest to not let your insubordination get the better of him. It was easy to get carried away, even easier to fold on your sugary sweet submission when you were wrapped around him like this. He twisted your face back forward, harrowing eyes meeting your own in the reflection.
All he wanted was for you to see yourself how he saw you — as this perfect creature that could handle his jagged edges even at your lowest point.
“Look at your pretty body, baby. Look at how goddamn good you are at taking me.” He praised while pounding into you harder, desperately searching for something that he’d never discovered before.
And you felt every inch of him. The lack of blood flowing to your brain caused you to feel painfully human, terribly intune with every goddamn sensation being forced upon you. All the veins running up his length and dragging in and out of you, the upward curve that usually stretched you so nicely when you’d been thoroughly prepared. You felt the residual burn of his abuse and the bruises that wouldn’t bloom blue and purple until tomorrow. You felt the pain, and there was something delicious about it that was working to draw the hurt out of your head.
What you didn’t feel was the orgasm that snuck up on you and detonated like a grenade, causing you to writhe in his grip, clawing at his hand on your throat so that you could allow the moans and sounds trapped in your lungs to escape. There would be hell to pay. That, you could be sure of, but fuck if the sensation of endorphins crackling in your brain like fireworks wasn’t almost worth the fear that flooded your body on the come down.
Eddie shifted to the side and tossed you onto your back, moving quickly between your legs, hovering over your spent body menacingly. You could see the frustration painted on those beautiful features of his. The clench of his jaw, the fire in his obsidian gaze, the knit of his brow.
Without warning, he slapped you again. Harder this time. Heat spread almost immediately over your cheek as he took it upon himself to give you two more. The loud clap of his palm echoed in your eardrums, blood finally rushing to the decision making part of your brain that’d been so obviously slacking.
“Open your fucking mouth.” He demanded. But without waiting for you to obey, he squeezed your jaw unhinged on his own accord and spit a fat, clear wad of saliva onto your tongue.
“Here’s what’s gonna happen, okay? You listenin’?” Eddie gave your cheek a few more gentle pats just to make sure he had your attention.
But how could you have been preoccupied with anything else? Not with his lean form lingering over you like a swarm of locusts, ready to wreak havoc on your body and soul.
“You’re gonna hold your legs up for me, understand? All the way up to your goddamn chest, that way I can dig you out nice and deep.” Your heart skipped a beat hearing him use such filthy language. “So deep that it fuckin’ hurts, but you’re gonna take it.”
You felt the tip of his cock slide against you once again, slowing massaging your sensitive clit and sending overstimulated shockwaves bolting between your hips.
“And when your perfect pussy finally drives me to the goddamn edge, I’m gonna press the head of my cock against your cervix and fill you the fuck up. Gonna make you sleep with my load deep inside of you, that way when you finally get out of this fucking mood you’ve been in and climb out of bed, the first thing you feel is my cum gushing down your leg. Got it?”
The moment you nodded with understanding, he was pushing your thighs to your chest — and you did exactly what he said. You held the backs of your knees, putting your cunt on display for him as he lined himself up with your entrance and fucked into you without restraint.
Eddie crashed into you over and over again, stretching you around his cock and then leaving you empty only for a brief second. His hips hitting the backs of your thighs less like gentle waves at the beach and more like a series of tidal waves, unforgiving and a force of fucking nature. And it did hurt. You could feel him in places he shouldn’t have been able to reach, opening you up like you were just a hole for him to get off in.
But that was how you wanted to be treated. The pain between your legs was worse than the mental anguish you put yourself through. It let you forget about the hurt in your chest and focus on the look on his face when you knew you were satisfying him simply by existing.
“Goddamn it!” He rasped, reaching for your throat yet again as he lowered his forehead to yours. “Your slutty cunt’s clenching around my cock, angel. Did you know that? You getting close again already?”
When you went to answer, Eddie shoved his thumb in your mouth, hooking it behind your bottom teeth and spitting again right into the back of your throat.
“Shut up. Don’t try to talk, just fucking take it.”
And you did. With him squeezing the air out of your lungs and fucking the absolute life out of you, pounding into your abused cunt like he hated you, you took it. With each thrust, you could feel more brain cells lost, going positively dumb for his cock and the sounds being made by the snap of his hips.
Eddie was dripping sweat onto you. Between your thighs, against your stomach, onto your chest and forehead. Every time he paused to grind his lap against your clit, a feral, deep groan washed over your face, his noises forming a blanket that you wanted to be wrapped in until the end of time.
“Cum for me again, slut.” He said. “Think you can do that? Think you can follow one fucking order?”
It was in you, sure, but you needed more.
“Slap me again, daddy. Harder.” You begged.
He cocked an eyebrow without slowing his thrusts, silently asking if you were sure. And when you asked again—
“Yeah. Yeah, fuckin’ hit me again. Please, please I fucking need it…”
His cock twitched inside of you as he reared back and slapped you again. Blow after blow landing on your right cheek, tears gathering on your waterline as the sting grew stronger.
“Goddamn, you fucking know how to take it!” He gritted, a deranged sort of enthusiasm shining in his eyes.
And you realized when your second orgasm rolled over you just how fucking deranged you were, too. It hit you slower than the first, but you could’ve sworn that your soul left your body. Brain shutting off completely as Eddie’s hips shuttered, cock pulsing inside of you, hand bearing down on your throat so hard that your vision began fading to black.
Before a cold, forced sleep dragged you under, you heard his ragged breath gasping in a choppy voice, “Just like that, Y/N! Good, good girl! Fucking squeeze my c-cock, take my… take my cu—”
You came to only moments later.
Eddie was holding you on top of him. Your hot, sweaty skin sticking to his beneath the decency of that comforter he’d ripped off of you a little while ago. He was stroking your hair with one hand and using the other to take notice of the rise and fall of your back, placing long kisses against the top of your head.
“Jesus Christ, don’t ever scare me like that again.” He said gently, careful not to transfer his fear onto you as he spoke.
The capacity to be fearful didn’t exist within you anymore. Maybe it had ten minutes before, when he was strangling you into unconsciousness and forcing your body into overdrive, but not now.
Now, you felt at peace for the first time in days. Laid up against him was a little slice of Heaven in your own personal Hell. An oasis surrounded by desert sand. You’d never leave his hold if you had the chance.
“How do you feel?” Eddie asked.
“I feel okay.” You answered despite a sore throat, “Better. I feel better.”
Finally, Eddie was able to take a relieved breath. He closed his eyes, no longer afraid that he’d accidentally killed you and would now have to explain this to the sheriff.
“Ready to talk?” He asked, and when you responded that you weren’t, Eddie accepted that answer.
“That’s okay.” He pulled the blanket further over your bodies, shadowing you both in a fort of darkness where nothing else existed besides the two of you.
He stroked your back all night, dragging his painted fingernails gently over all of the marks and bruises, quietly admiring your physical and mental strength.
“You know that I love you. Right, angel?” He whispered as your breathing became shallow, another bout of deep sleep ready to pull you under. “Love you so much. We don’t have to talk about it, but I hope you know that we can. Whenever you’re ready… we can.”
With your final waking thought, you nuzzled deeper into his chest, breathing his spiced earth and cedarwood scent deep into your lungs.
“I know, Eds. I love you, too.”