Archive of Our Own

Katsuki’s familiar enough with this wing of the hospital to know where he’s going without asking for directions. He points this out to Kirishima when he flags down a passing nurse to ask where their dumbass friend is.

“She said we’ll take the elevator up to the sixth floor. He should be the second door on the right!” He jogs back to join Sero, who hums in acknowledgment, and Katsuki, who scoffs.

“I could’ve told you that, numbnuts!” He turns and makes his way to the elevator while his friends follow.

“Just gotta be sure! We don’t want to barge into someone else’s room like last time.” Kirishima points out.

“Oh, man,” Sero laughs, “you scared the hell out of that poor kid. Imagine being five and breaking your leg and getting cussed at by DynaMight in one afternoon.” Katsuki throws a glare at him as he steps through the elevator doors.

“That wasn’t my fucking fault. Now hurry up! Do you want to shoot the breeze or do you want to see what’s wrong with him?” He punches the number for their floor and sighs raggedly.

In all seriousness, there’s some lingering tension between the three of them. They’d gotten a series of texts from Kaminari that was mostly keysmashing with a string of stupid emojis, which may have been used with the intention to tell a story. Kirishima was the one to bite and called him, only to have Kaminari’s girlfriend answer instead. They listened in on speaker while Deku frantically told them that they were in the ER and Kaminari had broken his neck. He’s alright now, she said, but maybe seeing his friends would lift his spirits. They could hear what sounded like Kaminari rambling and blubbering in the background before Deku hung up to attend to her boyfriend. Katsuki and Kirishima had just gotten off their patrol and Sero had the day off, so they decided to rush over and make sure for themselves he was still in one piece.

“Can’t we do both?” Sero mumbles. “I’m sure he’s fine, just - fuck why am I so nervous? Stupid.” Kirishima pats his shoulder with a sympathetic smile.

“I get it, man. He broke his neck, that’s worth being worried over. But Midoriya said he’s okay! He’ll probably be good as new in no time.” Katsuki notes the way Kirishima’s smile is ever so slightly strained. Kirishima’s brow furrows as he addresses Katsuki. “Hey, it’s not gonna be a problem if she’s there, right?”

“Why the fuck should it be?” It only takes a mention of her, not even her name, to make him bristle.

“Just asking, man, no reason.” Kirishima wisely backs off. He watches the light travel up from one button to the next as the elevator climbs up.

“Not right now, guys.” Sero cuts in. “This is about Denki, right? No drama, no weird shit. We’re just here to make sure he’s okay.” He runs a hand through the part of his hair that isn’t tied up in his half-bun. “Fuck, please be okay.”

“He’s sturdy, he’ll be just fine.” Katsuki says for his sake and for theirs. He nudges Sero with a smirk. “Fucking broke his neck on his day off. He was probably sliding around on his socks and vaulted over his sofa or something.” That draws a few good laughs out of his friends. Kaminari loves doing that whenever he has access to a smooth floor with a clear-enough path.

“Maybe he was climbing up his cupboards again to reach for a plate. He did that all the time at the dorms, remember?” Kirishima laughs again. “And he would just climb faster whenever I’d offer to help him.” Suddenly Sero barks out a laugh and doubles over.

“Dude! I just remembered yesterday in the break room he was asking me, “Do you think when people slip on banana peels in real life it works the same way as it does in cartoons?” Holy shit, I watched him take a banana from the fruit basket before he clocked out!” A new wave of laughs fills the elevator just as it opens up to their floor. They step out into the hallway a bit lighter than before. “It’s kind of amazing he hasn’t broken his neck sooner.”

They’re still talking shit and coming up with stupid theories as to how Kaminari ended up in the E.R. when they reach his door. Katsuki knocks lightly and peeks his head in. “Yo, Sparky, you in here?” Blankets rustle from the other side of the door.

“Yeah, I’m here.” It must be Kaminari who answers back, but he sounds much quieter and more subdued than they were expecting. The three of them look at each other in confusion before Katsuki opens the door and they make their way in. The room is still and they are met with the sight of their friend laying back on one of two hospital beds, his being closest to the door, with a brace around his neck and a sad, far away look on his face. His shock of blond hair peeks out from the sides of the brace in a way that they’d normally make fun of him for, if only he didn’t look so sullen..

Deku is seated beside him with one of his hands grasped in both of hers. She turns to them and greets them with a relieved smile. She must’ve been spending her own day off with her boyfriend, by the look of her loungewear. She’s dressed in a cream-colored woven cardigan over an All Might tee and black tights with her hair in a loose braid. Stray curls frame her freckled face in a way that is both disorderly and adorable. Rather than her usual contacts, she’s wearing her cat eye glasses today. Though charming, they do not hide the subtle bags under her eyes. She’s all soft, relaxed curves under even softer material. Katsuki’s mouth sets on a downturn. So this is her domestic look? Figures she’s unfairly pretty no matter what.

“Hi! It’s good to see you guys! I was-” Deku cuts herself off with a short yawn. “Sorry, I’ve been up for a while.” She pats the back of Kaminari’s hand. “Honey, look. Your friends came to visit you, isn’t that nice?” Her smile falters when Kaminari merely sighs and closes his eyes. She runs her scarred hand through his hair and coaxes a little grin out of him as he presses closer to her to keep her fingers moving.

Katsuki shuffles in place, feeling like an intruder watching something small meant for just the two of them. It’s not as bad as Kaminari likes to get with PDA, but it’s a little too familiar and intimate for how close he’s standing to them. He keeps his eyes to the ground.

They exchange greetings and brief small-talk with Deku, who asks how they’re doing and tells them in turn she’s just fine, now, only a little tired. Kaminari, for his part, looks like he isn’t absorbing much of what’s happening before Sero gets his attention.

“You alright, buddy?” Sero asks, voice softer than it had been in the elevator. Any good mood from earlier is forgotten now in Kaminari’s too-quiet room. Kaminari blinks up at him from under Deku’s palm. Katsuki notices that Kaminari’s expression is almost as bleary as he gets when he overuses his quirk.

“I’m… yeah, I guess so. They got me on some pretty good painkillers, anyway, so my neck doesn’t hurt.” He looks back to Deku with concern and as much focus as he can manage in his current state. “Baby, were you serious when you said we can’t-”

“That’s - !” Deku cuts him off with a panicked shout, suddenly much more alert. “Denki, can we talk about that later when you’re feeling better? Just the two of us?” She asks him with a tight smile as she pets his hair more insistently. He relaxes with her ministrations and sinks deeper into the bed.

“That depends,” he attempts a wink and manages to blink his eyes one after the other, “am I gonna like the answer?”

“Later, sweetie.” She scratches him lightly behind the ear. He luxuriates in her affection like a blond kitten. Katsuki tries and fails not to gag. Kirishima elbows him as he pretends to clear his throat.

“Okay.” He nods, completely pliant as she stands to tuck the blanket higher up his chest. She leans over and pecks his forehead ever so gently, as if he were made of glass. He giggles at the gesture. “Can I have a real one?” Katsuki's head moves with how hard he rolls his eyes.

“Denki, your friends are here!” Deku simply kisses his forehead again in consolation when he lets out a little whine. “I’m going downstairs to get some coffee, would you all want anything?” She asks them.

“All good, thanks!”

“I’m alright, thank you.”

“No thanks, Deku.”

“Do you want anything, Denki?” She asks him.

“Nurse said I can’t eat or drink anything for a few more hours.” He says.

“How about a snack for later, then?” She offers before he can sulk. Instead, he wiggles his eyebrows at her. Again, one after the other.

“You’re the only snack I want later.” All three of his friends groan and Katsuki is glad he’s not alone in this. Deku makes a sound like a tea kettle and lightly slaps - more like taps - his shoulder.

“Denki, you - ! Quit teasing me! Jeez!” She says indignantly.

“But you make it so easy.” He mumbles as his eyes fall shut. Deku smiles at him in a way that looks incredibly endeared from where Katsuki’s standing.

The fluorescent lighting around them does nothing to damper the sweet flush on her face that travels down to the top of her generous chest, or what little of it is exposed above the collar of her shirt. Katsuki briefly wonders just how far that blush goes before he clicks his tongue and looks away. He doesn’t miss the way Sero and Kirishima glance at each other behind his back, but he doesn’t acknowledge them. He’s not that fucking obvious.

Deku grabs her purse from her chair and turns to them.

“Thank you guys so much for coming! I really appreciate it. Are you sure there’s nothing I can get for you while I’m out?” Kirishima waves her off.

“Don’t worry about that, Midoriya. We’re only here to check on him.”

“Yeah,” Sero smiles and motions back to Kaminari, “take a fifteen, we can babysit him for you.”

“Deku’s just getting coffee from the lobby, she’s not going to a damn cafe.” Katsuki says.

“I shouldn’t be gone that long.” She beams at them, exhausted but still so damn cheerful. “Thank you, again. I’m so glad he has friends like you.” She waves at Kaminari. “I’ll be back soon, honey! Just relax, okay?” He gives her a weak thumbs-up as she makes her exit.

Kaminari’s good mood seems to leave with Deku and his thumb points down when the door shuts. Kirishima steps to the side of his bed and smiles down at his friend.

“Hey, man! It’s good to see you’re doing okay. What did your doctor say about your neck?”

“Well, I don’t know if you guys noticed, but it’s broken.” He says with a frown and not a hint of sarcasm.

“No shit? I thought you just had that cone on for fun.” Now it’s Sero who elbows Katsuki before he joins Kirishima at the bed. He mouths the words “don’t be an ass” at him. Katsuki folds his arms over his chest and grumbles.

“Yeah, that’s too bad. Any idea how long it’s gonna take to heal?”

“She said, um,” Denki blinks hard and rubs his eyes with both hands, “it was a minor fracture and I’ll have to keep the brace on for at least a month.”

“Hey, that’s not so bad.” Sero pats his thigh. “You could do a lot worse for a broken neck.”

“Damn right.” Katsuki makes his way over to his dumbass friends and clamps a hand down on Kaminari’s shoulder. “Glad you’re not dead, man.” Kaminari brings his hands down to his sides and smiles at his friends.

“Thanks, you guys.”

They chat for a bit, catching Denki up on what’s happened around the agency in the past few days. No topic seems to hold his focus very long as he moves his whole head to each of his friends whenever they speak, which can’t be good for his neck. The questions and jokes as to how Denki had broken his neck are forgotten, momentarily, until Denki brings attention to it himself.

“Ugh, I haven’t been to the hospital in so long. I was doing so good, too! Calling for backup when I needed it, de-escalating situations, dodging falling de-breeze like a pro.”

“Do you mean debris?” Kirishima asks.

“I think it’s pronounced de-breeze.” He says it slowly to ensure his friends get it right.

“Sure it is.” Sero says like a parent conceding to a child’s nonsensical logic.

“Anyway, I thought next time I got hurt it would be because I was fighting for my life or something. I really almost died on my day off. Well, I guess I can’t complain.” He grins cheekily as he nudges Katsuki’s leg. “Would’ve been a good way to go, let me tell ya.” He chuckles to himself while his friends glance at each other, not in on whatever joke he’s making.

“What do you mean?” Kirishima asks.

“Yeah, how did you break your neck, dude?” Sero tilts his head at him. Kaminari’s smile freezes and his laughing stops.

“Wait.” He squints at them silently for a moment, thinking on his answer. “Actually, let me not tell you, because I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to.”

“The hell does that mean?” Katsuki crouches down to his eye-level. “What happened? Did someone else do this to you?”

“No, no, no… yes, technically. But it was an accident!” Kaminari clarifies. “It’s all good, these things just happen sometimes.” That raises more questions than it answers.

“Denki, is there a reason you’re not supposed to tell us? Did someone tell you not to?” Kirishima asks slowly. Kaminari bites his lip.

“See, I can’t think of a good reason not to tell you guys because I kind of really want to, but if Izu was here, she’d know why. Yeah, she definitely wouldn’t want me to bring it up.” He nods. “Let’s wait for my girlfriend to come back, I miss her.” He isn’t aware of how tense the room becomes at what his words may imply.

“...Midoriya knows what happened?” Sero asks.

“‘Course, she was there.” Denki smiles dreamily, so either the circumstances of his injury are only a funny memory or the morphine is doing its job.

“And you’re positive it was an accident? She - no one was trying to hurt you?” At his question, Katsuki glares daggers at Kirishima. Just what the hell was he trying to say? As if Deku would ever hurt a damn fly. Kaminari answers him before Katsuki can tell him off.

“Oh, jeez, you think… no, dude, of course it was an accident. Sure, Izu can get aggressive when she wants, but she would never hurt me on purpose!” He explains. “Plus, it’s no big deal. She didn’t even leave any marks, this time!”

Their faces show varying degrees of shock and concern when they process what he’s saying. Katsuki’s stomach sinks to the ground. Aggressive? Leaving marks? Her? Cute, sweet, selfless Deku who helps any stranger in need? Who he once saw cry like a damn baby when she saw a video of a puppy wearing a onesie… is she responsible for landing his friend in the hospital? Kirishima recovers quickly and keeps on with his questions while Katsuki’s idea of Deku flips on its ass.

“Denki, do you feel safe with Midoriya?” He asks, trying to keep Kaminari’s eyes on him.

“Uh… duh?” He scoffs. “I’m in love with her man. This is just a minor setback. Once I’m back to normal you’ll see me doing what I gotta do to not end up like this again. I’ll be ready next time.” Holy fuck this is bad. Kaminari is all but outright admitting he is in some kind of abusive situation with his deceptively soft-looking girlfriend. To think those delicate hands that had caressed him so gently earlier could be capable of… Katsuki can’t bring himself to think about it.

“Dude, what the hell!?” Sero rose to his feet abruptly. “This is so fucked! Denki, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who does that to you! And whatever happened wasn’t your fault. It’s not like you were asking for it!”

“No, I definitely was.” Kaminari sounds so sure. It catches all of them off guard. What is he talking about? Does he think he deserved to get hurt?

“No you weren’t! Kami, you shouldn’t have to do anything special to not get your fucking neck broken! God, she - ” His voice cracks at the end and Katsuki winces in sympathy. They can all see how happy Deku makes their friends and how crazy he is about her, which makes this so much worse. He probably doesn’t want to acknowledge that the girl he loves could hurt him so badly and be at fault. Poor bastard.

“What? The fuck?” He’s studying his friends closely as if trying to puzzle them out. “You guys are saying some weird shit too fast for me to catch it. Safe… shouldn’t be… hey, are you trying to tell me to break up with my girlfriend? Not cool, man!”

“We’re just saying we can make it so that she can’t get close to you again, if that’s what you want.” Kirishima insists, aiming to calm him down. Kaminari looks at all of them with the hardest, meanest, most comically suspicious squint possible. Katsuki would laugh at the fact that he looks mid-dump if it weren’t for the severity of the situation at hand. Finally Kaminari smacks his lips and nods like he’s got it all figured out.

“Oh, sure, sure. I’ll break up with my girlfriend just so one of you can swoop in and steal her for yourselves, huh? That sound about right?” He glares at them, but the effect is ruined by the double-chin created by his brace.

“No one’s trying to take Deku from you, dumbass! Would you fucking listen to us?” Katsuki’s chest heaves from anger, worry, frustration. Now really isn’t the time for Kaminari to completely miss the point they’re trying to make. Instead he just chuckles low and looks at Katsuki as if he can see right through him.

“That’s fucking rich coming from the guy with a huge crush on my girlfriend.” The room goes deathly quiet. The A.C. hums above them, loud but not loud enough to drown out the sound of Katsuki’s heart in his own ears. Kirishima and Sero look between their friends with no small amount of alarm. Kaminari lifts himself from his position to sit up on the bed, despite Sero and Kirishima’s protests. “I swear every other time I look at you when we’re all hanging out you’re staring at her. You don’t think I notice the way you look at her? You don’t think she notices?”

“Denki, come on, lay back down.”

“You’re gonna hurt yourself, man!”

“No, fuck off, I know you guys see that shit, too! Are we gonna pretend he’s not way too fucking familiar with her?” His head sways briefly as he turns his attention back to Katsuki. “You know she hates that nickname you use? Deku? She told me they used to call her that when she was a kid to make fun of her. She’s just too nice to tell you.” Katsuki grits his teeth to keep back the dread and shame climbing up his throat. He hasn’t even gotten a chance to shower after his patrol and here he stands in the middle of a hospital room with some of his closest friends, exposed and sick for it.

“I promise you,” he chokes through the tension in his jaw, “that’s not what we’re talking about, right now.” Kaminari huffs a short laugh.

“At least you’re not trying to deny it.” How he manages a bitter tone through a heavy tongue, Katsuki doesn’t know. “I get it, Bakugou. I’d be jealous if I was in your place, too. But I’m the one who asked her out and I’m the one she’s with. It’s not my fault you didn’t do it first, so don’t make it my problem.”

Katsuki’s tempted to fly off the handle, ask Kaminari who the hell he thinks he’s talking to. Katsuki wants to tell him he doesn’t know shit about how he feels. He wants to turn around and leave Kaminari to deal with this mess himself. But then he catches the way Kaminari’s head jerks ever-so-slightly and he winces from a pain he shouldn't have to put up with. So Katsuki breathes and lets his friends' observations wash over him as best as he can.

None of this is news to Katsuki or to any of them, except for the fact that Kaminari has been well aware of his inconvenient… attachment. But knowing it privately is different from having it addressed out loud. He feels raw and low and shitty, despite himself. He has no right to feel any way about that right now, because Kaminari’s only telling the truth. Besides that, he’s the one sat in a hospital bed with more potential harm on the way if they don’t intervene. None of that fucking matters right now. Katsuki swallows the hard lump of his anger down to focus on the real issue.

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” He says in a hushed tone, tense and frayed. “You know I wouldn’t do that to you. You’re my - my friend.”

His words ring through the room, quiet but earnest. Kaminari studies him further, searching for any lies in his words before an invisible wave seems to sweep over him as he sways and falls back to the bed. Kirishima and Sero are quick to fret over him and adjust him so he lays on his back.

“You’re my friend, too,” he groans, “you prick. I know you wouldn’t try to do that. Even if you did, she wouldn’t go for it.” He says it so matter-of-factly, not even with the intention to insult him. Katsuki’s ego takes a blow either way. “It just… I don’t know. It’s not wrong to be attracted to her. I have two eyes and a brain, I know she’s hot. Of course people are gonna look, I get that. What’s fucked is that you got hung up on her and stayed hung up even after we started dating. It’s…” he takes in a deep breath and holds the air in his cheeks like a chipmunk. He breathes out with a long whistle. “It’s weird, I don’t know. God, I’m too high for this.”

“We just want to make sure you’re gonna be alright, Denki.” Sero grabs his hand and squeezes.

“Thanks, man.” Kaminari smiles through a wince and reaches his free hand over to pat Sero’s, but instead slaps his forearm. “I promise everything’s okay, so can we put a pin in the questions and the melodrama for a bit? I want Izu to come back first so she can unscramble my brains.”

With his eyes still shut, he doesn’t see the way his friends silently communicate to each other through their expressions alone. Katsuki nods his head to the other bed in the room and to the rail and curtain behind Kirishima. He and Sero follow his gaze and Katsuki watches as they reach the same conclusion. They nod to each other in understanding.

“Actually, why don’t we let you rest?” Kaminari’s head moves to follow Sero’s voice. “Stressing you out while you’re hurt is the last thing we wanted to do.”

“If you say you’re okay, then we’ll take your word for it.” Kirishima adds. “We didn’t mean to upset you, dude, sorry.”

“Aw, that’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Kaminari lets out a jaw-cracking yawn and buries his head as deep into the pillow as he can with the brace in the way. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to get all crazy on you guys just now. Especially you, Blasty, my bad.” Katsuki scoffs.

“Whatever. Like you said, you’re tripping balls right now.” He relaxes just a bit with Kaminari’s apology. Hopefully he doesn’t remember any of the ugliness of their interaction. “Of course you’re gonna say some stupid shit.”

“Huh?” Kaminari’s face scrunches, even as he starts to doze off. “Oh, no, I meant all that stuff I said earlier. I should’ve waited until I was sober, though, so I could say it nicer. And also not in front of the guys.” Sero coughs into his fist while Kirishima studies one of the tiles on the ceiling. Katsuki exhales slowly and tilts his head back.

“Anyway, we’ll fuck off now so you can get some sleep. Try not to move around so much.” He rubs at his temples to stave off some of the irritation. He doesn’t know if it works, but it at least distracts from the humiliation.

“What are you, my mom? Trying to tell me what…” Kaminari trails off into a heavy snore. How does someone manage to fall asleep mid-conversation with a brace around their neck? Sero laughs at him, quiet and relieved before his expression turns serious again.

“How are we doing this, exactly?” He whispers. Not like he needs to, Kaminari snores like a sputtering car engine.

“We stay behind the curtain, we don’t make a sound, and we try to find out how Kaminari broke his neck and what Deku knows about it.” Katsuki says.

“Maybe you should start calling her Midoriya, too, dude.” Sero raises an eyebrow at him pointedly and Katsuki falters.

“What does it matter? It’s not like she’s here!” Katsuki answers, quiet but no less harsh. His palms form fists when Sero rolls his eyes at him.

“One of us should record this, so we have evidence in case either of them says something concrete.” Kirishima cuts off their bickering. “I wouldn’t believe Midoriya could hurt anyone, either, and I’m sure most people wouldn’t. Let’s make sure we cover all our bases.” He pulls out his phone and opens an audio app.

“Right.”

“Sounds good.”

Kaminari sleeps on while his friends carefully move to the other side of his room. Katsuki winces when the metal hoops on the curtain squeak and scrape against the bar. He casts a look back to Kaminari, who hasn’t moved an inch. He is, however, drooling, Katsuki notes with a frown. Gross.

He closes the curtain all around them. It reaches the floor and the room is dim enough that he’s sure they won’t be seen through the material. Sero and Kirishima move to sit on the bed while Katsuki leans against the wall. About five minutes after they’ve set themselves up, they hear the light, quick sound of Deku’s flats patting against the linoleum floor, getting ever closer to the door.

They steel themselves and focus. Stealth may not be their forte, but it’s not lost on any of them how important their complete silence and stillness is. Katsuki catches something out of the corner of his eye and cusses under his breath. A convex mirror is at the top corner of the room, above the sink and on the same side as the door. His friends catch sight of it, too, and tense up. He hopes on everything that Deku doesn’t turn around and get a look at the mirror once she comes in.

The mirror does, at least, offer them a warped view of Kaminari’s side of the room. Deku enters in a small flurry, muttering just loud enough for them to hear. Her arms are full with drink bottles and packages of snacks, so she hip-checks the door shut behind her.

“Oh - gah - sorry I took so long!” She pants, out of breath as if she had been running. “There was this little girl who dropped her stuffed rabbit as she was leaving, so I picked it up to give it back to her. And when I did, she just lit up! She thanked me and told me her rabbit’s name, favorite color, and zodiac sign. I didn’t want to interrupt her because she was so excited, so she ended up giving me his life story.” She laughs lightly, still winded. “She was super cute, too, you should’ve seen her when she waved goodbye to me! Actually, she kind of looked like your little cousin, the one with the - huh?” She stops her rambling and looks around the room, taking in the fact that it’s only her and Kaminari. Or so she thinks.

Don’t look up, please don’t look up, Katsuki chants in his head. Deku only hums and sets her haul down on the counter beside Kaminari. She leans over his sleeping form. The three of them unknowingly lean forward as well when she puts her hand on one of his shoulders. She nudges him lightly while her other hand holds his head steady.

“Mrgh - five more minutes.” Kaminari grouses. “It’s my day off.”

“I’m sorry, honey, but you can’t go to sleep just yet.” She strokes the top of his cheekbone just under his eye as he blinks awake. “The nurse said it’s not safe until later tonight. You could turn your head wrong and hurt yourself. Poor baby.” She coos at him and Katsuki has to force himself not to melt from her sweet voice. He’s realizing a bit too late that even if all goes well and they find out Deku had no hand in Kaminari’s injury, he’ll have to sit there and experience what these two act like as a couple in private. Fuck.

“Okay.” He smiles dopily at her. “Hi. I missed you. How was your coffee?”

“I missed you, too, silly.” She pecks him on the cheek before she pulls back to pick up some of the snacks. “And their coffee maker was broken, but I did get us a lot of treats for later. Look, they had that peach tea you like,” she shows him the bottle with a grin, “and your lemon chips!”

“Aw, wow, I love you so much.” Kaminari’s speech has become a bit more slurred, but no less sure.

“Stop!” Deku giggles sweetly and sets the snacks back down. “It was nothing. I love you, too, honey.”

“Yeah, huh…” Kaminari sighs, now sounding as down as he was when they first entered.

“What’s the matter?” Deku sits at the chair beside him and puts her hand over his. “Are you feeling okay? Are you comfortable? Do you want me to find a nurse?”

“Nah, it’s not that, just-” Kaminari sniffs, “I’m kind of bummed about how things have gone today and I’m still hoping you didn’t mean what you said earlier. I’m sorry that we ended up here.”

Katsuki exchanges glances with his friends, who are just as on edge as he is. Was there some kind of argument? Is that how Kaminari got injured?

“What? Oh, honey, please don’t be sorry.” Deku is quick to reassure him. “That was all my fault, I’m the one who’s sorry! You got hurt badly because of me. You were unconscious for at least two hours! I was so scared! I wish I’d never-” she cuts herself with a gasp that turns to a series of sobs. She covers her mouth with her free hand to muffle the sounds of her weeping as her shoulders shake.

Katsuki’s seen Deku cry more times than he can remember, but that doesn’t diminish the sharp twinge in his gut urging him to fix it, stop her tears, offer some kind of comfort. Even if she hurt his friend and is now crying from the overwhelming guilt, he can’t help but feel sorry for her.

“Hey, hey, shh, it’s alright.” Denki wastes no time in consoling her. He raises her little hand up to his face and clumsily kisses her palm before pressing it against his cheek. “You don’t have to be sad, Izu. I’ve had worse, you know? Plus, the doctor said it was only a mild fracture, so I should make a full recovery pretty soon!” He rubs her hand up and down the side of his head. “Don’t go blaming yourself. What happened was just an accident, right? It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was! I knew this would happen and I knew I shouldn’t have been so rough with you!” Deku sniffles. Sero shares a look of sadness with Kirishima, feeling that their fears are being confirmed. Katsuki hardly knows how to feel.

“You really weren’t that rough! Honestly-” Deku cuts off Kaminari’s defense with another sob.

“Even if I wasn’t, it still would’ve turned out like this! I don’t know if this makes sense, but sometimes when I’m with you, I forget that I’m, well,” she gestures to herself, “Big! Not to say that I don’t know it, of course I do, but you don’t ever bring attention to my weight or make me feel bad about it and I guess I just get so comfortable with you that I forget to be aware of it! But I just have to keep in mind that there’s some things I have to be a lot more careful about, being the size that I am.” She finishes on a whimper.

Kirishima’s expression turns to one of confusion and Sero raises an eyebrow at Katsuki, asking a silent question none of them have an answer to.

“What? Baby, you’re not - ”

“I’m really sorry.” She bites her lip and keeps her head down as she continues. “Maybe - hic - everyone’s right and I should do something about my weight. Maybe I should treat this as a wake-up call. Then you would be with someone worth showing off. Or maybe you’d be better off with someone el-”

“Izu, stop!” Denki raises his voice and puts an end to her spiraling, which startles her into silence. “What are you talking about? I love you, I don’t want to be with someone else! Losing weight wouldn’t make me want you more, and that’s something you should only do for yourself if you really wanted to! Not for anybody else! I don’t have a problem with the way you look, I never have!”

“Denki…” Deku breathes his name in wonder.

“Actually, I have the opposite of a problem! Haven’t you ever seen the way I sigh over you like a little school boy? You’re fucking gorgest! I mean gorchess! Georges? You’re so beautiful I can’t think of the word, is my point!”

“You’re just saying that.” Deku’s smile is small and wobbly, her voice fragile but delighted.

“No, I’m not!” Kaminari insists, raising her hand, which he’s still holding on to, and waving it. “I know I act stupid and say goofy things all the time, but I mean every compliment I give you. I’m never exaggerating when I tell you how pretty you are or how I want to kiss your freckles all the time or how nice it is to hold you or… would it ruin the moment if I made a comment about your boobs?” His honest question gets a wet laugh out of Deku.

“I’ll allow it.” She sniffs.

“You have the nicest boobs in the world.” He says with the utmost sincerity.

It’s almost enough to make Sero break his silence and laugh himself silly and Kirishima shakes his head with a pursed grin. What a dumbass. Katsuki’s now heavily leaning towards the belief that Kaminari’s injury was only an accident, like he said. Maybe Deku bumped him against the wall, fell on him, tripped him, something. It seems unlikely they’d talk and act the way they are now if Deku was ever deliberately hurting Kaminari. He’s just as ass-over-heels in love with her now as he’s ever been, and without a hint of fear.

It eases most of the worries his friends were holding. Though there’s still a nagging question in the back of their minds as to why Kaminari was talking the way he was earlier about Deku being rough and leaving marks. How did that factor into all this?

“How sweet.” Deku giggles. “And thank you for what you said. It means a lot to me. I’m really lucky, aren’t I?”

“If anyone’s lucky, it’s me.” Denki brings her hand close to kiss her palm again, softer than before. He opens his mouth again, no doubt to spout off more loving affirmations. “Your tits made me believe in God.”

“Denki!” Deku squeaks. Her cheeks are aflame under all the tear stains.

“Seeing you naked for the first time was a religious experience.” He adds.

“You’re teasing me again!” Despite her chiding tone, her shoulders shake with mirth.

“Maybe, but I still mean every word!”

Katsuki wonders if they could maybe use this recording to make fun of Kaminari next time they all go out drinking. Seems like Sero and Kirishima are thinking the same thing by the looks of their matching grins.

“Jerk.” Now Deku brings his hand to herself and presses her lips to his knuckles. Kaminari gasps in awe.

“Stop being cute, or I’ll get hard. I’m not kidding!” He warns her. Out of the corner of his eye, Katsuki sees Sero grip the mattress under him to maintain control. Kirishima looks like he’s mouthing the words “so manly” with his eyes shut tight. Idiots, all of them.

“You were the one being cute!” She laughs again, her insecurities now forgotten.

“Aw, I’m glad you’re not sad anymore, baby.” Kaminari smiles and squeezes her hand. “Now I can be sad again.”

“What? Why?” Deku asks, softly.

“Well we have to take turns, see , because if we’re both sad, then we’ll just get sadder and sadder and then neither of us will be able to comfort each other and we’ll get dehydrated from crying.”

“No, honey, I’m asking why you’re sad.” Deku clarifies.

“Oh, right.” Kaminari says. “I just remembered what the doctor said earlier and what the nurse said earlier and what you said earlier and - um. Were they being serious? Were you?”

“Oh, well,” Deku clears her throat. “They did say you’ll be off from field work for at least a month, but you should be feeling a lot better in two weeks!”

“Izu, that’s not what I’m talking about.” Kaminari whines. “When you asked the nurse what I should avoid, she said “any straining physical activity” and when I first woke up I heard you say “we’re never doing that again”, but you just said that in the heat of the moment, right? And the nurse didn’t mean, um, all physical activity, right?”

What the fuck is he going on about? Sero sits up at attention and mouths the words “no way” silently. Katsuki and Kirishima are utterly stumped. They can’t exactly ask Sero what he seems to have just figured out, so they listen on in silence. From their view of the convex mirror, Deku fidgets.

“Um, yes, sweetie, you’re going to have to take it easy for a little while.” She says lightly. “And it’s absolutely not safe for us to try that again. But by the time you’re feeling better, this will all just be a funny memory for us!”

“Yeah, funny.” Kaminari deflates against his pillows again. “So that’s it, then? There’s no way I can change your mind, even when my neck is all healed?”

“Absolutely not, I won’t risk putting you in the hospital again.” Deku’s voice is stern and leaves no room for argument.

“Alright…” Kaminari hums and closes his eyes. “Go ahead and pull the plug, babe, there’s no point anymore.”

“Denki!” Deku chides. “First of all, you’re not on life support! Second, you don’t have to feel bad, this really isn’t such a big deal!”

“That’s easy for you to say when you’re not the one who got prescribed no sex for a month!” Kaminari cries.

Wait.

Katsuki stiffens and next to him Kirishima’s eyes widen as a disbelieving smile slowly stretches across his face. Sero’s grin is downright ecstatic. “No fucking way!” he mouths.

“Sweetie, that’s not what - ”

“You also didn’t have your girlfriend tell you she’s never gonna sit on your face again!” He says as if accusing her of some great crime. To him, it clearly is. “You don’t get to tell me how bad I should feel! I’m in mourning! I’ll need counseling to get over this! My dick will shrivel up and snap off when this is over, and then you’ll all be sorry!”

Son of a fucking whore.

Sero’s quiet snort is blessedly drowned out by Deku’s own surprised laughter. Sero’s hands clamp over his mouth. Kirishima points to his phone and shakes it emphatically, which causes Sero to shake his head desperately. Kirishima is still recording. Katsuki makes a harsh slicing motion with his hands which he intends to mean “cut that shit out” or “stop fucking recording” but his friends are having too much fun to care that he may very well pop a blood vessel.

So Kaminari broke his neck because of a sex mishap. “At least he’s not being abused,” Katsuki thinks to himself over and over, a mantra that keep him from tearing down the curtain, stomping over to Kaminari’s stupid ass, and finishing the job.

“Oh, gosh, Denki - ”

“And then you’ll have to buy me a prosthetic and then you’ll like it better than the current model and then I’ll get insecure and-”

“Denki!” Deku cuts off Kaminari’s ramblings and tries to get a hold of herself. Her laugh bounces against the walls and echoes loud and free. For all that Katsuki wants to be absolutely anywhere else, he can at least enjoy the sound of her uncontrollable amusement. “Please - hah! - please stop!”

“That’s not what you said earlier!” Denki crosses his arms over his chest and turns his nose up. With every word out of his mouth Sero looks close to pissing himself or falling off his perch on the bed. Kirishima’s beaming like it’s his god damned birthday. Katsuki wonders how much force he would have to apply to Denki’s neck for the life to leave his eyes.

“Seriously, let me - oh god! - give me a second! I can’t breathe!”

“Neither could I, but that didn’t stop me.” Kaminari brags. Deku is sent into a wilder fit of giggles.

“Denki!” She buries her face in her hands. “Please, not so loud!”

“I will be sad as loud as I want.” He smiles at her. “But I really like making you laugh and I’m kind of forgetting what I was complaining about.”

“I’m - haha!” Deku takes a quick deep breath. She fans herself with her hand as she finds her words. “I’m glad, honey. And pretty relieved, honestly, I -” She exhales shortly and her smile relaxes, “I really love you.”

“Wow, cool.” Denki says in a joyful daze. “Wait, I love you, too. What are you relieved about, exactly?”

“Well, I - gosh,” she wipes a stray tear from her eye. “I was worried you were upset because, um, being intimate with me would be inconvenient or awkward or, well,” she motions to the hospital room around them, “an ordeal.”

“No, of course not!” Kaminari grabs her hand again and keeps it secure in his own. “Baby, that’s the last thing I’m worried about. I love being with you and if it means we have to make a few adjustments or some things are off the table, that’s fine. Besides, I won’t back down from a little obstacle as long as I get you at the end.”

“Honey…!” Deku’s voice cracks and a few more tears run down her red cheeks. “I feel the same way.”

Kirishima has the audacity to be moved by the events unfolding on the other side of the curtain. He holds his fist over his heart and Katsuki can hear him thinking about how manly this all is. At least the love fest has afforded Sero a few precious moments to collect himself. Katsuki, however, is suffering a different burn than the one he had before.

How nice for Deku that she’s dating a good, funny, understanding guy like Kaminari who wears his heart on his sleeve and is a man of equal parts action and words when it comes to expressing his affection. How nice for Kaminari that he’s dating a kind, beautiful, captivating girl who, mere hours ago, rode his face so hard she broke his neck.

Good for them. No, really.

“Sure, the hospital stay isn’t ideal and I hated seeing you so scared for me, but a broken neck won’t put me off of you.” He wiggles his eyebrows with more success than before. “If anything, it’s kind of a turn on.”

“No it isn’t!” Deku tries to keep her tone firm through her giggles.

“Oh yes, it is. As soon as I make a full recovery I’ll train however I can to make sure I can handle it next time you take a seat.” Kaminari says, determined as ever.

“Jeez, don’t say it like that!” Deku’s flush turns shy. “And no, we are not trying that again! I’m not gonna risk getting you injured when we know better.”

“But we have to! To make it up for how things went this time! I can’t live with the shame of knowing I broke my neck before I could make you cum.” He moans as he covers his eyes with his arm dramatically.

“Actually…” Deku fiddles with the hem of her cardigan and looks straight up to the ceiling.

Sero’s and Kirishima’s mouths gape and their eyes go wide as saucers as the silence Deku trails off to becomes entirely too telling. Katsuki wonders distantly if this is what hell will be like. This seems like unfairly cruel karma to be dealt out for what was originally well-intentioned eavesdropping.

Kaminari peeks at her from underneath his forearm.

“Did you…?” He asks, hesitant and hopeful.

From their view of the convex mirror, they see Deku shut her eyes tight and nod her head.

Yes.

Sero nods his own head in pride and Kirishima rolls his fist as though he were silently cheering for his favorite soccer team scoring a fucking goal. Only the fact that Katsuki wants to remain unheard keeps him from slapping the both of them upside the head.

“...hell fucking yeah.” Kaminari raises his arm in a weak fist-pump. “Was that before or after The Snap?”

“Before, I hope?” Deku squeaks. “I don’t know!”

“Either way, nice.” Kaminari closes his eyes again. “Okay, now you can unplug me. I can die happy, like this.”

“You’re not plugged into anything!” Deku says. She still refuses to look him in the eye.

“I can die like a hero, this way.” Kaminari adds.

“For the last time, you’re not going to die today and if I have anything to say about it, your safety will not be put at risk again just for sex.” Deku says with finality.

“Not even a little?” Kaminari wheedles.

“No, sweetie.”

“Damn.” He pouts. Deku sighs and rubs one side of her throat.

“This could’ve been avoided If only I’d learned my lesson the first time.” Deku tsks. “But I was so caught up in the moment! I wasn’t thinking about the consequences at all.”

“Uhhh…” Kaminari parses through her words for a moment. “The first time?”

Silence stretches for a few moments as Deku goes from similarly confused to absolutely mortified. Sero and Kirishima are quite literally on the edge of their seats. Katsuki isn’t sure how much more of this he can bear.

“Did I-” Deku coughs into her fist. “Did I never tell you that story?”

“I don’t think so?” Kaminari continues to study her. “What story?”

“Well, then,” Deku gives a quick, panicked laugh. “I guess you’re going to understand a little better why this is entirely my fault. Um! It’s funny, really! Or, it is now that everyone’s fine and so many years have passed. I haven’t thought about that whole mess in so long I practically forgot about it!”

“Izu,” Kaminari cuts in, “what are you talking about?”

“This, um,” Deku sighs, long and resigned, “this is the second time I’ve broken someone’s neck under the exact same circumstances.”

Something rattles persistently in the vents above them. Sero and Kirishima are gripping each other by the front of their shirts, completely spellbound. For once during this bizarre test of will, Katsuki’s mind is an empty vessel. Envy is there, of course, rattling around along to the clinking in the air conditioning, but it takes a backseat to his complete shock.

“Huh.” Is Kaminari’s astute answer. Deku sputters some before she goes on, suddenly hot and nervous under Kaminari’s gaze.

“I swear, I didn’t keep it from you on purpose! Honestly, that was so long ago. I think I willfully blocked it from my brain because it was so embarrassing!” Deku explains. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. You wouldn’t have gotten hurt if only I’d bothered to remember before we could get that far.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Kaminari waves her off. “It slipped your mind, it’s still not your fault. I’m not mad at you for it.”

“Thank you.” Deku smiles gratefully. “I still wish I’d told you sooner.”

“Don’t sweat it, everything’s fine, now. So…” Kaminari draws out the word as he thinks. “I’m not mad, okay? Like, at all. But I do have a question.”

“Of course! What is it?” Deku asks.

“Didn’t you, um.” Kaminari taps his fingers against the mattress. “How to say this… tell me if this is just the morphine talking, but weren’t you a virgin when we met?”

Where the fuck is the nurse? Will nobody put an end to this bullshit and rescue Katsuki from further torture? Hero though he may be, he is completely incapable of saving himself in this situation. Kirishima’s eyes are bugging out as he covers his mouth with both hands. Sero is leaning forward as if to try to make out Deku and Kaminari’s silhouettes through the curtain. They’re acting like this is one of Sero’s shitty novelas and not a deeply uncomfortable breach of their friends’ privacy.

“What?” Deku rears back. “What are you talking about? I never told you I was a virgin. Did I say something like that when I was drunk?” She puts her hand to her chin, trying to recall any such incident. “Are you confusing something I said while we were roleplaying?”

For every fact about Kaminari and Deku’s sex life that Katsuki learns against his will, he can feel a decade getting knocked off his life span. At this rate, he’ll croak before his next birthday.

“No, no, don’t you remember?” Kaminari struggles to keep his bearings while his mind swirls and sways. Deku’s correction seems to be throwing him off a bit more than the painkillers had. “That first time we slept together you were all tense and I thought you weren't ready, yet, or you weren’t in the mood. But when I asked if you wanted to stop, you said you were just nervous because I was your first. I’m like eighty percent sure I didn’t just dream that, but I’ve been wrong before.”

Katsuki thinks it’s incredibly unfair that he’s the only one agonizing through this experience. His friends are paying rapt attention to Kaminari and Deku’s conversation without a bit of shame or unease. Bastards.

“I said you…? Oh!” Deku laughs bashfully. “Now I remember! Honey, I didn’t say you were my first.”

“For real?” Kaminari asks, surprised but unoffended.

“No, I said you were the first guy I’d ever been with.” She clarifies.

That tidbit is nearly enough to knock Katsuki on his ass. Not to say it’s such a huge shock or that he thinks any less of her for it. He knows girls like that. Hell, he’s friends with a few. But somehow the revelation that Deku, who is soft, nerdy domesticity on supple legs, has been with another girl and/or girls sets his fingertips tingling in a way that is shamefully unrelated to his quirk. As if he doesn’t already have his hands full not thinking about other things regarding Deku, today.

Sero mouths the words “I see” and nods to himself. Kirishima lets out a breath he had been holding, somehow glad to have that misunderstanding cleared up.

“How is that different?” Kaminari asks, still lost.

“Denki, sweetie.” Deku says gently, as if waiting patiently for a child to get the right answer on a math problem.

“...oh!” Kaminari sits up abruptly when realization dawns on him.

“Denki, lay back down!” Deku places her hands on his shoulders and moves him back against the mattress.

“Are you bi, too? I didn’t know that!” Denki says excitedly. “That’s so cool! High five!” Deku raises her hand to oblige, but Kaminari’s hand misses hers spectacularly.

“I really thought you knew!” Deku continues before he can make another attempt at a successful high five. “I guess I don’t talk about my exes, but I was never trying to hide it.”

“You probably weren’t and I just never clocked it.” Kaminari’s brow furrows. “Wait a second.”

“What?” Deku asks.

“I’m just realizing something. My middle school girlfriend ended up being a lesbian, Kyouka got with Momo after we broke up in third year, and now there’s you. That’s three for three.” He looks up at her. “Do you think there’s a reason girls who like girls go for me?”

He asks it so innocently, as though he were trying to puzzle out why bees are drawn to flowers. Sero and Kirishima are back to grinning like idiots. Katsuki allows himself an eye-roll.

“It’s probably just a coincidence, honey.” Deku laughs lightly.

“Maybe.” Kaminari nudges her with his elbow. At least he tries to, but he bangs his funny bone against the metal of the hospital bed’s frame. “Ow! So are you gonna tell me about it?”

“About what?” Deku asks.

“Don’t be coy with me, you know what I mean.” Kaminari grins at her. “Tell me about the first time you nearly killed someone in the best way possible!”

“Don’t say it like that!” She swats at his hand. “Gosh, do you really want to know? You’re not upset about it?”

“Of course not!” Kaminari says. “I just think it’s kind of funny that you got away with attempted murder by sex twice.”

“Denki, that’s not what - !” Deku huffs and crosses her arms. “Quit making fun of me!”

“I’m not making fun of you! So what if you didn’t stop to think about what could go wrong? It’s not your fault that my raw animal magnetism was too much for you to resist, that’s just the way-”

“It was right after I graduated high school.” Deku cuts off his ridiculous gloating. “I was able to take a trip to Otheon for the Summer as part of an exchange program. I was hosted by this really nice family who lived outside of town and, well,” She smiles bashfully, “I had a fling with the oldest daughter.”

“Dude, sweet!” Kaminari raises his hand for another high five and lowers it just as quickly when he sees Deku’s unamused expression. “I mean. Good for you.”

“Right.” She rolls her eyes. “Anyway, we only dated that summer. Even though we weren’t serious, we were still a little sad to think we’d end things when I left back home. So, um, I was actually the one who suggested we have a memorable goodbye by… being each other’s first.”

“Woah.” Kaminari gasps. “That sounds like something out of a movie! Also, it’s nice to know you’ve always been a little minx.”

“Hardly!” She laughs lightly. “It was so awkward! We didn’t have a clue what we were doing and we were both so jumpy! After a while, though, we felt more comfortable about it. I got a little too comfortable, though, and that’s-” she groans in embarrassment, “that’s when I had the brilliant idea to…”

“Sit on her face?” Kaminari asks quietly. He’s completely riveted to her story.

“Yes, that.” She clears her throat. “Neither of us were thinking clearly, so of course she was fully on-board. And things were going well for a while and… oh god.” She lifts up her glasses to rub at her temples. “I didn’t notice anything was wrong until after I was, ah, finished. I asked her if she was alright and she said, “yeah, that was great! But I can’t move.” I swear, I could’ve died!”

“Huh. Guess you could say you have a… killer pu-”

“No! Don’t you dare!” Deku puts both of her hands over his mouth. “I’m only moving my hands if you don’t finish that joke!” She stares him down until he nods his head. “Good.” She removes her hands.

“Badum, tss.” Kaminari says while maintaining eye contact.

“God.” Deku laughs again, tired but at ease.

“Sorry, I had to.” He laughs with her. “I get that it’s not the way you pictured things going, but I can’t see myself wanting to forget something like that.”

“It’s what came after that made it really horrible.” She sighs. “Her poor brother and sister came downstairs when we showed up and they started crying because they thought she was gonna die. God, her dad got on the phone with my mom at the hospital and they both gave us “the talk” together, practically in sync, like they were reading off of a script. I felt so guilty leaving before her neck had healed! Obviously, my mom grounded me when I got back home, which… wait, why did I let her ground me? I was eighteen when that happened! Guess that didn’t occur to me at the time, what with all the embarrassment. But the worst part was getting back to her place. I carried her to her house as fast as I could and her dad saw us as soon as we got to the front yard. At least she still had her bathing suit on, but I had to face him with nothing but a towel around me.” Even now, so many years later, it’s clear that the humiliation is still fresh to her.

“Oh? My god?” Kaminari asks in a stupid high-pitched voice. He sounds downright giddy. “Bathing suit? Towel? You guys were banging outside?”

“Yeah.” Deku chuckles faintly. “The plan was to go for one last swim at this lake by her house and then go home so we could, um, be intimate. But, see, we were swimming and laughing and she looked so pretty and she kept telling me I looked beautiful under the moonlight and then we had a splash fight and, well, we didn’t make it back home before…”

Katsuki gulps down a mouthful of saliva at the scene Deku has painted for everyone in the room. He isn’t exactly pleased to note that his friends are hearing the details of Deku’s first time, too, but he’s at least glad to finally see them squirm in discomfort. Seems it just dawned on them how invasive and fucked up this all is. Deku’s reminiscing is cut short by her own gasp.

“Denki!” She yelps, so scandalized it jolts Katsuki and his friends out of their fidgeting. “Um! You! Oh, my god!”

“What, what is it? Did you remember something else?” Kaminari asks, not quite realizing his girlfriend’s horror.

“Look down!” She urges through gritted teeth, as if to keep her volume down.

“Did I drop something?” He leans over to the side of the bed and peers at the ground. “What is it?”

“No! Denki, you have a little problem!” She says slowly to try to get her point across.

Once again Katsuki and Kirishima are lost while Sero is ahead of the curve. His hands frame either side of his face as a disbelieving grin stretches over his teeth.

“Are we… talking about my neck?” Kaminari guesses.

“Denki, you have an erection!” Deku whispers harshly.

Katsuki shuts his eyes to try to stave off the psychic damage those words deal him. Kirishima and Sero grip each other’s arms to keep themselves steady as they rock from the force of their silent laughter.

“Oh, fuck!” Denki finally looks down at his lap and notices the chubby he’s sporting. “Oh shit! What if the doctor walks back in? What do I do?!”

“Cover yourself! Here-” Deku moves to his head and carefully plucks out one of his pillows. She glances back down between his legs and gives a quick shriek. “Use this!” She sets it down on him with her eyes shut and miscalculates how far his lap is from her reach. As such, the pillow meets his dick with more force than she intends.

“Ow!” He cries out as he moves to cover the pillow with his own hands. “I’m sorry! I didn’t get a boner on purpose! I swear I don’t mean to be disrespectful or fetishy or anything, you were just telling me a sexy story out of a wet dream and I’m only a man!”

“Oh, Denki, did I hurt you? I’m so sorry!” Deku frets over him, unsure of how to properly handle this situation. “But please try to get it under control!”

“It’s not my fault! The drugs are making my brain overactive so I could imagine everything you were saying super clearly. Plus, you can’t blame me, I’m still pent-up! I never got to finish earlier!” He defends himself.

Katsuki feels sweat collect in his palms at the sight of his friends practically teetering over the edge of the bed from their efforts to stay silent. There’s no good time to be found out, but this might be one of the worst moments they could possibly choose to reveal themselves.

“Yes, you did.” Deku corrects him.

Katsuki nearly has a fucking heart attack from how far Sero leans over the bed. As he windmills his arms out to maintain his balance, his fingers barely grace the curtain separating them from the couple. It’s only Kirishima’s honed reflexes that save him from slamming into the ground face-first.

“No, I didn’t.” Kaminari asserts. “I think I’d remember a nut like that.”

“Denki, I was there!” Deku reminds him. “I had to wipe you down and dress you before the paramedics showed up!”

“Ah,” Kaminari says, “alright, my bad. In that case, I don't really have an excuse. But it’s still not my fault! My fine as hell girlfriend tells me a porn story and we’re gonna act like it’s weird that I got hard.”

“I wasn’t even that graphic.” Deku mumbles, still refusing to look at her boyfriend. “Either way, please just try to calm down before somebody walks in.”

“Well, I don’t know about calming down, but I do know how we can kill two birds with one stone.” His voice takes on a teasing edge. “We can make my problem go away and you can make it up to me for breaking my neck.”

Katsuki and co. roll their eyes as one. He’s joking. He’s very obviously joking in that corny, obnoxious way he jokes when he’s trying to diffuse an awkward situation. But Deku doesn’t roll her eyes, or laugh, or tell him to knock it off. Her face is oddly blank as her mouth slowly closes. Katsuki may not know her well enough to read her like a book, but it sure looks to him, despite all logic and reason, like she may actually be weighing Kaminari’s words.

Kaminari sits up so fast you’d think he’d been struck by one of his own volts.

“Holy shit, are you thinking about it? I was just kidding!” He has no right to be so god damn ecstatic, not when he’s subjecting his friends to a series of emotions and discoveries they were not equipped to handle today.

“I know that! Of course I knew you were kidding! There’s no way we’d have sex in a hospital.” Deku laughs stiffly.

“You were absolutely seriously thinking about boinking your injured boyfriend right on this hospital bed.” Kaminari crows. “You little freak! Wow, I’m learning so much about you.”

“I was not!” Deku’s tone, however, betrays her embarrassment.

Katsuki feels like his brain is about as badly fried as Kaminari’s was back in first year.

“First outdoor sex, now hospital sex. Two casualties to your name. Is it even about the sex anymore, or do you just want stories to tell?” Kaminari asks, feigning hurt feelings.

“Shut up! You jerk.” She puts her hands on her hips and turns away from him in a huff. “And to think I was going to make it up to you when we got back home.”

“Wait, baby, no, I want that!” Kaminari quits his goading, for now. “But didn’t the nurse say no sex? Fuck, hold on, don’t listen to me, she probably wasn’t serious!”

“She said no strenuous activity, she never specified we couldn’t have sex.” Deku lowers her arms as she explains. “We would just have to be careful not to disturb your brace. You wouldn’t be able to move as much, is all.”

“Ohhh.” Kaminari says. “Why didn’t you say that earlier? That’s not so bad.”

“I wanted to tell you, but we got off-track.” Deku smiles down at him and lets out a long breath. “I hope the doctor releases you soon. I’m so ready for this to be over.”

“Same.” Kaminari groans. “I could go for a little more morphine right about now. Fair warning, though, your proposition for gentle lovemaking did not make my boner go away.”

“Got it.” Deku says, weary but endlessly charmed by the dumbass things that come out of her boyfriend’s mouth.

“Also, while you’re in a good mood-” Kaminari begins his sentence in such a way that his friends brace themselves for more bull shit, “I’m not going to pressure you, and I’ll respect whatever you decide, and it doesn’t have to be anytime soon! But do you think there’s any chance we can, in the future when I’m all better, maybe possibly think about having a discussion about you… sitting on my face again?” He ends his question on a cautious, hopeful lilt.

“Denki…” Deku's voice is incredibly doubtful.

“Right, yeah, I’ll drop it. You won’t hear a peep from me on the subject, again.” Kaminari mimes zipping his lips, locking them, and throwing the key away. Deku giggles at the gesture. She chews her lip and takes a deep breath.

“I’m not saying yes, but…” she trails off meaningfully.

“Does that mean…” Kaminari squints as he sorts through her words, “you’re not saying no?”

“I’m saying maybe in the distant future once you’re completely better and if we were safer about it, we can talk.” She concedes.

“You swear?” Kaminari asks. His voice cracks and he clears his throat while Deku laughs at him. “You mean it?”

“It’s just a maybe. More than anything, I don’t want to hurt you again.” She pets his cheek softly and he melts under her hand.

“Don’t worry, baby, we’ll be super safe next time. I’ll wear a hard hat if I have to.”

“Oh, god!” The mental image sends Deku into a fit of giggles.

“Goggles, knee pads, whatever else you think we might need.” He presses his grin into her palm.

“You’re so-” Deku is startled out of her laughing by the abrupt entrance of Kaminari’s nurse. It’s nearly enough to make Katsuki jump out of his skin. After waiting so long, he figured the staff had abandoned Kaminari to his own devices.

Everyone sits and listens tensely while the nurse gives Kaminari and Deku the necessary paperwork along with instructions on what to do and what to avoid and a prescription for more pain meds. Katsuki, Sero, and Kirishima become as frozen as humanly possible to stay hidden, Kaminari keeps his hands folded over the pillow on his lap as innocently as possible, and Deku tries valiantly to keep her eyes from darting to her boyfriend’s crotch. The nurse takes her leave and everyone breathes a touch easier.

Deku gathers up their things in Kaminari’s gym bag and helps him off the bed.

“Um, are you decent, now?” She asks him, looking away as he removes the pillow.

“No, yeah, that scared the hell out of me.” Kaminari grunts as he stands. “Public sex is fun in theory until you remember the public part. Glad she showed up, though. I’m so ready to get back home and knock out.” He wraps his arms around her and tries to rest his chin on her head. Instead, he bumps his brace against her forehead. “Ow.”

“Careful, sweetie.” Deku adjusts her bags so she can hold his hand. “By the way, how long ago did your friends leave?”

At her acknowledgment, the three of them look at each other and wonder if this is about the time their luck will run out.

“A little while before you came back, I think? I don’t know, honestly. I’m sobering up now and I hardly remember them even being here.” Kaminari answers.

“Oh, okay. I guess they had somewhere to be.” Deku hums. “It’s a shame they couldn’t stick around longer, if only to keep you company.”

“Fuck those guys.” Kaminari clicks his tongue. He sways on his feet as he slips his shoes on. “They were saying some weird shit. They… well, I don’t remember what all they said, but I remember they were getting on my nerves. I think they were trying to play mind games with me just because I was zooted.”

“Or maybe they were paying you back for drawing realistic penises on their faces every time you find them asleep?” Deku suggests with a light laugh.

“I don’t get a lot of chances to flex that skill.” Kaminari reaches up to try to scratch under his brace. Deku smacks his hand out of the way. “Maybe it was revenge for that time I gaslit Bakugou into thinking he forgot all our friends’ birthdays.”

Kirishima and Sero wonder if the time has finally come for them to hold their friend back from taking Kaminari’s life. Katsuki, for his part, does a stellar job of not murdering his friend.

“Seriously? That’s so mean!” Deku laughs despite herself.

“It was really funny and I got him going for most of us. But somehow, yours was the only birthday he’d bothered to write down.” Kaminari says bitterly before he cusses under breath. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It just pisses me off the way he - you know what? Not worth getting into it right now and killing my good mood. You know how he is about you, though.”

“Yeah, I do.” Deku says. Katsuki hopes he’s just reading too much into it, that’s it’s not awkwardness in her tone and that she doesn’t actually know what Kaminari’s talking about. He doesn’t seem to just be hearing things, though, because he sees Kirishima wince out of the corner of his eye. But Katsuki didn’t hear anything. They left a while ago and Kaminari was having a private conversation with his girlfriend that nobody else would have any knowledge about.

Deku doesn’t have to know that Katsuki knows because he doesn’t know anything. And he hasn’t been doing anything wrong in regards to his friend’s girlfriend because he hasn’t been doing anything at all. So that’s that.

After Deku and Kaminari leave, Katsuki waits no less than five minutes in complete silence before he pushes off his perch and prompts his friends to do the same. They make their way out of the room, then the building, as carefully as possible. No one intercepts them at any point and it seems like the coast is entirely clear of the happy couple.

The sun is beginning to set over the horizon once they find themselves on the sidewalk in front of the hospital. One looks at the other to confirm that they are all three of them completely wrung out.

“So!” Kirishima booms, too loud for how close he’s standing to his friends. “I could really use a drink, right now! You guys?”

“Yes fucking please.” Sero raises his hand. “God, I’m so sore from trying not to laugh. I deserve some kind of metal after today.”

“Cool! Bakugou?” Katsuki merely grunts his answer. “Great. Lemme just.” Kirishima pulls his phone out and deletes the recording that had just kept going for that entire disaster. “Yeah, don’t feel good about that.”

“Nope.” Sero pops the “p”, “Feel kinda scummy about being there for all that without them knowing.”

“Totally!” Kirishima forces cheer, probably to get through his own shame. “We did start off with good intentions though.”

“Of course.”

“We just wanted to make sure our bro was okay.”

“Exactly.”

“And it’s not like we could’ve ripped open the curtain once we found that out, either.”

“Hell, no! How would we have explained that?”

“Hey Midoriya, don’t mind us, we were just worried you were physically abusing our friend so we started recording your conversation to incriminate you! Our bad!”

“Yikes.” Sero groans. “Let’s not bring this up again.”

“For sure. Bakugou?” Kirishima gives Katsuki a brief pat on the shoulder. Katsuki has to turn his head to avoid the sympathy in Kirishima’s stupidly big eyes. “How you holding up, buddy?”

He fucking hates this. He hates nearly every one of his close friends knowing he feels some stupid sort of way about his friend's girlfriend, including Deku herself. He hates the pity he gets from Kirishima. He hates the weird caution from Sero. He hates Mina making fun of him for it with light-hearted taunts that are a little too sharp and hit a little too close to home. He hates the way Jirou never comments on it, but looks right through him with her piercing gaze whenever she sees him in close proximity with Deku. He hates the way Kaminari looked at him earlier, too. Sober or not and whether or not he remembers what was said, he clearly meant every word. To know that Kaminari is well aware of his dumbass, hopeless, inconvenient feelings and that apparently he’s known for some time.

Most of all, he hates the look on Deku’s face when she said “I do”. She’d gone from soft and in good spirits to stiff and uncomfortable at just the mention of his awful little thing for her. He can ignore the way he subconsciously gravitates to her side at hang outs and the way he calls her by a nickname she never allowed, but he can’t ignore the way the sight of her slight frown and furrowed brow through that little convex mirror tells him all he needs to know, all he should’ve known to begin with.

She’s not his, she won’t be his, and it’s foolish and at least somewhat disrespectful to hold out hope that she could be, someday, and to act according to that hope.

“Bakugou?” Sero breaks him out of his thoughts. Great, now he’s worried, too. Katsuki takes a deep breath in and lets it out in a rasp.

“I’m fine, guys.” He sees them relax a touch and Kirishima gives him an understanding smile.

“You’re sure, bro?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Bakugou debates whether or not he wants to voice his next thought out loud. But if fucking Kaminari hadn’t minced his words once today, why should he?

“Positive?” Sero goads. Kirishima elbows him while he tries and fails to suppress a grin.

“I hope she kills him next time.”

A full five seconds of silence passes. Kirishima gapes at him as Sero falls victim to a vicious laugh-attack. He tries and tries to catch his breath, to get a hold of himself, but there’s no closing the floodgates, now. He stumbles around, drunk on laughter so much so that he actually trips over himself and falls to the concrete. Not even that can disrupt his mad stream of giggles, though.

After they drag Sero’s obnoxious ass to the nearest bar, the rest of the evening is spent getting absolutely plastered. Sure they all have morning shifts tomorrow, but they’ve damn well earned a brief blackout.

Hours later, Katsuki falls into a fitful sleep on Kirishima’s couch with the image of Deku in her cozy loungewear twirling rings around his head like she was an angel and he was a concussed cartoon character. She’s smiling and cooing and kissing at him while Sero’s laughter rings in his ears like a brassy, unceasing bell from his place on the hardwood floor.