Work Text:
Laura didn't get it. She understood Carmilla's fascination with the stars and with all her literature, because Carmilla had explained it to her in snippets here and there where she would bare her inner feelings. Laura would never push to learn more than she was given voluntarily, but this one really puzzled her. And her girlfriend was over 300 years old, so that was saying something.
Carmilla was obsessed with taking pictures. No, not like an aspiring photographer where the lighting had to be right or even where the picture had to be focused for that matter. No, Carmilla would take pictures as if it were just because she could. This may not seem strange, but what was strange is that she would take pictures of everything that had to do with them.
She wasn't the type to take a picture of their meal at dinner or of a nice sunset, instead she opted for other things. Like one time when they'd gotten into a stupid fight about God knows what and Laura accidentally knocked over a mug and shattered it, before she went out to get some air. A few weeks after that she'd found a picture being used as a bookmark in one of Carmilla's older novels, more specifically, it was that of a beautiful ceramic mug in pieces on the floor of their dorm.
Upon finding this, Laura was tempted to ask Carmilla what she was doing or what they were for but she knew better than anyone that Carmilla had gotten very little in life. The least she deserved was some privacy. And Laura would be damned if she didn't grant her that.
...though it doesn't mean she wasn't curious.
This continued all throughout their relationship, even after college, now settled into their cozy new apartment. Scattered pictures of a day out, or a picture of Laura's favorite hair tie that always rested on the corner of the bathroom sink (though she'd swore she lost it the day before), and even the occasional picture of Laura deep in slumber, a pale arm wrapped around her shoulders as she nuzzled into her girlfriends neck. She'd find the scattered pictures, and a few days later they'd be gone.
One night, the pair were cooking dinner when a thunderstorm hit. Carmilla was huddled into Laura's chest instantly as they moved to sit down while Carmilla was trying desperately to get even closer, block out the thrashing sounds and calm her breathing. It didn't bother Laura that Carmilla still reacted like this during storms, but it definitely bothered her raven haired counterpart. Normally they'd stay together on the couch or in bed or in the empty bathtub (really wherever Carmilla was when she first heard the crash of thunder) until it was over, while Laura stroked Carmilla's back and kissed her forehead. Once it had passed Carmilla would always become very embarrassed, apologizing for it happening again. Sorry that she couldn't make the panic stop after all those years. It broke Laura's heart a little each time, knowing that Carmilla would apologize for her feelings, because she'd probably had to before.
But this storm was different than the others.
Carmilla was still huddled into Laura, sitting on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor when suddenly Camilla sprung up and was gone in a flash. She returned as quickly as she could, tears forming in her eyes while shaky hands held a disposable camera. Before Laura could say anything, Carmilla quickly took a picture of her sitting on the floor and one of the kitchen as it was, grey and dark and scary.
Carmilla then sat back down on Laura's lap and hugged her so tightly she could barely breathe.
"Carmilla are you-" Laura said while she reached out to put a hand on Carmilla's knee. She was interrupted by a quick shutter sound but followed through with her actions.
"Hey, hey- you're okay baby. You're fine, I'm here," was all Laura could manage to say since she was confused about the pictures but could still feel warm tears collecting on her shirt.
About half an hour later, the storm had passed and Laura tried to go right back to what they had been doing as if nothing happened, for Carmilla's sake.
It was a few weeks later when the topic had come up again. Carmilla bashfully entered Laura's home office space, mumbling something under her breath. "What was that?" Laura asked upon removing her headphones.
"Pictures. I want to talk about pictures. I know you've seen some of mine, " she responded a little more clearly than before.
"Um...alright. Are you sure? Because we don't have to if you don't want to."
"No Laura it's fine. I know you've seen them, and before you ask no I'm not mad since I do leave them lying around sometimes. I just wanted to show you something," Carmilla said as she turned to walk out. Laura saw this as her cue to follow and quickly stood up.
Now in their bedroom, Carmilla was digging through their closet before finally coming out, a large journal now in hand.
"Okay cupcake. As you know, I'm not the best with the whole feelings thing, but I wanted to show you something" Carmilla said as she gave Laura the book, now taking a seat beside her on their bed.
"Before you open it, let me explain," Laura nodded silently and Carmilla took this as her sign to continue. "Alright so, I know you've seen some pictures here and there. And I know what happened during that storm a few weeks ago was probably strange so I figured it'd be best to just tell you what this is all about." Taking a deep breath, as if to reassure herself, she went on.
"As we both know, you don't want to be turned. And as much as I wish that weren't true, I completely respect your decision. That being said, I know that this...won't last forever. It'll last forever while you're physically here, and I promise on everything I am that when you're gone it'll still last forever for me." The words were becoming hard to say, becoming mangled and tinted in a hurt that was to come at some point in the future. "Though I don't want to be without you, and though I will never voluntarily forget about you, I know realistically for however long I go on after you-your being in my memory will fade." Tears began forming in her eyes and as Laura leaned forward to stop them before they could fall, Carmilla leaned into her touch and pressed a soft kiss to her palm.
"So, I decided to try something. All throughout college you filmed videos about everything that went on. Since I obviously have no way of knowing what kind of advanced technology the future holds and since I tend not to be a woman of many words, I figured something like pictures would be my best bet. I know that they'll eventually fade despite my best efforts to preserve them, but even the faintest picture will bring me back to you. And that's why I take the pictures. The good, the bad. I want them all," Carmilla gestured for Laura to open the book and she was met with more pictures than she had expected, small descriptions of the memory concealed in them written on the back of loose ones, or in the margins of the book with the picture delicately mounted next to it.
"Words can do a lot to convey how one feels. But a picture of your hair up in a bun, scrunched up face covered in flour while you tried to make your dad birthday cookies two years ago, or of our stockings hung on the island in the kitchen since we don't have a fireplace. Or of your caring hand reaching out to draw patterns on my knee two weeks ago while I clutched onto you for dear life-"
"Words could never express how those memories make me feel. Words could never express how you make me feel. Hell, pictures aren't any closer for that matter. But if I can't have you Laura Hollis, I'll be damned if I don't try to hold onto the next closest thing I have to you, for as long as I can."
Both girls fell desperately into an embrace, a mess of tears and kisses. And with Carmilla's fingers digging into her back, Laura knew this was as close to a forever as she'd ever get. And as close to a forever as she'd ever want to be.