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She was gone. They had all seen it, she had saved them and now she was gone. There was a tangible sense of loss and despair that hung in the quiet cold air, where would they go without her? They had no way of closing future rifts and now that their defender had fallen no one to give them. They had watched the avalanche consume her, along with Haven, only a day ago and already cracks were forming in the bonds that she had done so much to build. She had built an alliance with the Templars but the people of Haven had seen Red Templars and now the forces they would normally expect to protect them were being viewed as a threat. There was fighting among the small circle of people that she had personally travelled with and he had been arguing with the other leaders of the inquisition. She was one person but without her it felt like everything was falling apart. Why had he let her sacrifice herself for them? How had he not found a way to save her?
No one spoke a word to him as they continued away from where Haven had once stood, the few hundred of them that remained walked further and further in to the unforgiving mountains with no real purpose or goal. He noticed that the people and troops kept their distance, perhaps they could sense his discontent. They had lost a lot of good people, everyone here had lost a friend or loved one, but all he could think about was her- somewhere deep down he clung on to the sliver of hope that she would surprise them, that she might have escaped. He tried not to think on it too much, he could not handle the crushing devastation he knew he would feel when his hope came to naught; and yet somehow he still imagined embracing her and not letting go if she did somehow return to them. He felt a familiar throbbing in the back of his head, for once he welcomed the pain he knew it would bring, a distraction from thinking of her and all that was lost. As he walked he allowed the pain to consume all other thought, surrounded by people he was alone, another empty figure walking aimlessly through the snow.
Night fell and the walking stopped. People started to set up camp and light fires, preparing food and stew. Wordlessly he left the hustle and bustle and started a patrol. Others scouted ahead but he turned around, back where they had come- that vague hope creeping in to his consciousness. He wasn’t far away from the main body of camp with a voice called out to him.
“Commander, we need to talk”
“Not now Cassandra.”
“How bad is the pain?”
He looked at her and winced, of course the Seeker could identify when lyrium, or lack of it, was affecting a Templar.
“I can endure it.” He growled making no attempt to smile, to try and convince her. He didn’t care, if she wanted to replace him let her do it; what was the inquisition without the Herald anyway?
“I know you can Cullen.” She spoke softly, looking at him sympathetically. “Perhaps we should take this patrol together?” She walked to his side and they continued silently. They didn’t need to say anything, both knew the situation, both knew loss and both knew there was nothing they could say to offer comfort.
“Commander! Lady Cassandra!” One of Lelianna’s scouts ran towards them, another followed not far behind “There is someone down there, they’re coming this way!”
“How many?”
“Just one” The man looked terrified, a true testament to what they had been through that the sight of one figure could strike fear in to the heart of a seasoned spy. Where he felt terror Cullen felt the hope he had been pushing back cascade and take hold, it could be her, it had to be! He looked at Cassandra, catching her eye he knew that she was thinking the same.
“Quick, show us!” Cullen broke in to a run behind them, only a little way, a little further, Maker please be her! They stopped, taking a few steps forward in front of the scouts he scanned the path and saw the figure that had frightened them so. Short and slender, shivering and struggling through the snow the lone soul was practically crawling to where they were. The moon moved from behind the clouds and seemed to shine just so that he could see her more clearly; red hair and pale skin- even paler than usual.
“It’s her!”
“Thank the maker”
He ran to her side- possibly quicker than he had ever moved in his life. She fell to her knees, too exhausted to go any further. She was barely conscious by the time he reached her side.
“Evee” he couldn’t think of anything else to say but somehow just saying her name and knowing she was alive was enough.
“Cullen” she whispered back, eyes closed and entirely unconscious, a small smile curled the corners of her blue lips. He pulled her tiny body to him, scooping her up in to his arms- she was shivering uncontrollably now, her skin ice cold. If they didn’t get her warmed up and to a healer then they might still lose her.
“You, find Solas now!” Cassandra’s voice called the orders his mouth couldn’t form and the scout went running ahead. Cullen had seen the awe in the mans eyes, and why shouldn’t he be amazed? The woman had saved them all by sacrificing herself and then somehow crawled from deaths grasp and back to them up perilous mountain paths. Cullen looked down at her, Makers breath but this formidable woman was beautiful- even when she was clearly battle worn. Cassandra walked ahead of him and he pulled Evee closer, wrapping her in his furs as well as his arms. He shielded her with his body, he would keep her safe, he would never let her go again, whatever it took he would protect her. People started to gather around and he heard them whispering, the heaviness and despair that had permeated the air since the attack began to dissipate- it was remarkable the influence she had, even unconscious and on deaths door.
They arrived at the centre of camp and sure enough there was Solas waiting for her, Varric and a few of her other personal companions hung around close by, watching and waiting with baited breath. With the flick of his wrist Solas ordered fire to spring from nowhere and signalled for Cullen to put the tiny rogue on the bed where he could examine her, although he knew that the elf could tend to her better than he could he found that no part of him wanted to hand her over, to have her gone from his arms where she felt strangely right.
“Cullen” She whispered his name softly as he shifted her on to the bed and he felt his face flush. He loosened his cape and wrapped it around her, the furs would keep her warmer than any of the blankets they had managed to rescue as they escaped. Immediately Solas sprung in to action, touching her wrists and forhead, moving calmly but with exceptional speed, Cullen knew he hadn’t been trained in the circle but his grasp of healing magic was none the less extraordinary. Magic flurried through the air and occasionally she grimaced and groaned and pain that had been locked in cold muscles warmed and was released. Cullen ran his hand along the back of his neck looking on nervously and felt Cassandra next to him again, she gently touched his shoulder and looked at him knowingly- of course he couldn’t keep his secret from the Seeker.
“Rest. Her injuries were surprisingly few- the biggest threats are the cold and exhaustion but if she is kept warm and allowed plenty of rest I believe she will recover quickly. I suggest we remain here until her condition is sufficiently improved, I doubt Corypheus will be a threat so quickly after his defeat, we should be safe for the moment.” Solas directed his comments to Cullen and Cassandra but spoke loud enough so that everyone gathered nearby could here.
“Shit, well if Andraste isn’t on her side then call me a nug licker” The dwarf had a strange way of speaking but his sentiment rang true. That Evee was alive was a miracle in itself, that she had escaped with relatively few injuries was something else.
“The kid is tougher than she looks!” Iron Bull’s booming voice was somewhere behind him, but he couldn’t take his eyes from her long enough to see exactly where he had appeared from. “Commander I’ll get the boys doing some patrols of the area to back up your guys if you want?”
“Yes that sounds like a good idea, thank you Bull” Cullen spoke but still didn’t look around, he couldn’t believe she was really here, or how much he wished he was still holding her.
“My scouts will look around and see if they can find anything of use to us. I suggest we meet to discuss our next move soon. Josie are you alright?” Leliana was good at taking charge in these situations, and the tone of her voice shook him back to himself; he could not protect her from the elements themselves and they would need a plan if any of them were to survive. He looked at Josephine- she was always so calm and collected but these extreme circumstances seemed to shake her. Cullen knew she hadn’t slept since they had ran from Haven two days ago.
“We should stay close to Trevelyan, she is safest where we can see her.” Cassandra indicated the small clearing where they had erected a bench and table near a camp fire. She looked again at Cullen, whether deliberate or not he was grateful that she had suggested that they stay nearby to where she was. Right now, while she was so vulnerable, he wasn’t sure he could stand to be separated from her again. Evee’s inner circle spread out, creating a perimeter that stopped the anyone else getting too close and Bull went to see to his chargers. Solas suggested that Mother Giselle watch over the young woman for a while, believing that when she awoke she may require a different care to what he could provide; after what she had been through, and what people would be saying, she may need something more than healing magic.
The immediate area became quieter but he could hear the wider camp come alive, she was their hero, their saviour and she had returned to them. Josephine and Leliana retired momentarily to their tent and he was left with Cassandra and the unconscious Lady Trevelyan.
“Can you hear the people? Her presence has given them hope again” Cassandra sounded similarly awed by the woman
“She’s done the impossible. I can scarcely believe it myself”
“You certainly seem relieved Commander” Cassandra looked up at him, there was a hint of knowing playfulness in her voice that almost seemed uncharacteristic for the usually serious woman. Cullen looked at Cassandra silently, regarding her words carefully. He cared for the woman who had saved them, he appreciated that she would sacrifice herself for the Inquisition and he knew that she was the best hope they had to accomplish their goals. He couldn’t deny he was attracted to her, she was clearly beautiful and had gathered several admirers. He looked out towards the camp fires of the people they had brought with them, the bustle that had been absent previously. He was relieved she was safe, he would do everything in his power to ensure she remained safe but as he stood there he knew that they needed her more than he did.
Cullen wanted to be selfish for the first time in his life, he wanted to take her away and protect her; maybe even love her. He wanted her to be shielded from the storm to come, and he wanted to be her shield. He let out a deep sigh as he knew it could never be. She could never be his to love, The Herald of Andraste belonged to the people and although she had become increasingly central in his life and mind he was sure she would never feel the same. His relief at having her back was to be short lived it seemed, replaced instead by the realisation of just how deep his feelings towards her were and the knowledge that he could never act on them.
The Inquisitions council gathered and Evee began to stir. As they argued about what steps to take she drifted in and out of consciousness. His inner turmoil was certainly being reflected in their stormy discussions. He knew now he was in for a long night.