Work Text:
The storage room's coated in months' worth of dust, and Chihiro's been here a mere handful of times in the seven years she's lived in this house.
She finds herself inside today, on one of those whims where she gets sudden inspiration to be productive, to sort through things and clean what needs cleaning. Every cardboard box has faded into a shade of tan lighter than it used to be from the sunlight that filters in through the large window on the other side. The boxes are differently labelled-- Documents. Office supplies. Lightbulbs. Home decor. Curtains. Miscellaneous.
Childhood belongings.
Most of the boxes are opened and half-empty, but some haven't been touched, not even once since she moved here. The one labelled Childhood belongings is one of them.
Chihiro pulls away the brown stretch of packaging tape that runs along the line where the flaps of the box meet. It comes off with a loud hiss, and then, with excited fingers, Chihiro pulls the flaps aside.
There's a mess of things inside, from small toy figurines to stray puzzle pieces; a doll's head without the body, a keyring with a dolphin charm. She remembers most of these, vaguely-- the keyring was given to her by her best friend in middle school. Chihiro's cousin had decapitated her doll while playing with it, but Chihiro had kept the head with her, just in case. There are beads and sequins fallen from little crafts she'd made.
Then there's the diary. Chihiro doesn't remember buying it, doesn't remember its pale yellow floral cover. She expects it to be empty, but inside more than half of it is filled with writing that changes across time and seasons-- it begins with meticulously written words in pencil, and at some point the words switch to ink, more hurried and haphazard. Sometimes it's red, or pink, and usually black or blue.
Chihiro puts a thumb along the edge and lets the pages rapidly fall to the other side. There is page after page of words, until there isn't-- the words stop and there's nothing but thick creamy paper in sight. Then she goes back to the first page and begins to read.
--
27/11/2001
To Haku
Hello! How're you doing? I've started to like my new home. I've made some friends, too, and school is fun. You said we'll meet again. It's been a few months already, so I hope you'll come soon! What's your favourite colour? I don't have favourites, but I really like green.
--
That's where the letter ends, and the rest of the page is blank save for a couple of calculations Chihiro must've done there during Maths.
She turns the page.
--
25/10/2003
To Haku
It was sunny today, so I went to the pool with my friends. I think I really enjoy swimming. That's coming from the girl who once almost drowned in your river! I'm getting good at it though, so you wouldn't have to save me again. How've you been? Have you left Yubaaba's bathhouse yet? I remember you wanted to leave so badly. I don't blame you, she was a hag. We learned some experiments during Chemistry the other day. I wish I could show you!
--
On the next page, it's 2006. Chihiro's fifteen, and her handwriting's different. Every word looks halting, like she paused after each one, made one hesitant stroke of the pen after another:
--
To Haku
You broke your promise. You lied. You're not going to come, are you? Even if you do, I'll never talk to you again.
--
There's a blank page afterwards, and a page later a year has passed.
--
4/9/2007
To Haku
Someone asked me out today. He's cute and he gets good grades, and I'm going to say yes. Why shouldn't I? Obviously, you aren't going to come for me. I'm done.
--
The next entry isn't years later, like the rest. It's just two days after the previous one:
--
Haku, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I anyway don't think I can be with someone else yet.
--
The next time Chihiro writes, she's eighteen.
--
To Haku
I was at a river today, and it made me think of you. If you were here, I would've made you the chocolates my friend taught me to make last week. I wonder if you even like sweet things. I remember your face, but I have trouble imagining what you must look like now. I wish you were here.
--
A dog barks somewhere outside, and for a moment Chihiro's attention's dragged away from the diary. The light that enters through the window is beginning to soften, it's now a faint lilac that paints the wall blue. Chihiro switches on the fluorescent lightbulb and gets to the next page.
--
31/12/2011
To Haku
Another year comes to a close, and I'm pretty proud of what I've done during this time! My father was against me pursuing a degree in product designing, but after lots of begging he gave in. It's not as easy as I thought, but I don't regret it one bit. I like to work. It makes me happy. I also like it because when I'm not working, my thoughts sometimes gravitate toward you. But it's okay. I can love you from afar.
--
Chihiro feels a pang of something heavy, but turns the page anyway.
--
13/8/2012
To Haku
We ordered takeout during lunch break today. I got some onigiri. It reminded me of you.
--
The rest of the pages are blank, not a word marring their smooth surface.
It's then that Chihiro hears the front door open and shut. She places the diary back into the box.
"Are you back?" She asks, a little loud so she can be heard from across the house. There's no response, except light footsteps getting louder and louder.
Haku appears in the doorway, a canvas bag full of fruits and vegetables in one hand, and a bag full of snacks in the other. "They had mango ice cream, but they had the strawberry flavour, too. I bought you both. Is that fine?"
Chihiro nods wordlessly. "What're you smiling about?" Haku asks, head tilted to one side, eyes narrowed into slits.
"Nothing," she says, shaking her head, the smile still stuck on her face. "Did you find potatoes?"
"Yes."
She approaches Haku, and spreads her arms to hug him. She lets him kiss her on the forehead, like he does every day, and her smile widens. "Let's start making dinner, then."