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Peeta cocked his head and looked at his roommate thoughtfully, taking in her dark green wrap dress. The third dress she had worn this week – not that he had noticed, if anybody were to ask. But he had noticed. Secretly. Because this was Katniss, and Katniss never wore dresses. After wearing three in one week with no complaints, Peeta was starting to get suspicious.
“How are things at work?” he asked, casually. “Anything new?”
“No, not really,” Katniss responded, mindlessly turning the page of the Nature magazine she was skimming.
“No new team members lately?” He knew he was pushing it. Katniss was typically reticent about her job. I do it all day long, Peeta, she says. I don’t want to think about it at home, too! He had stopped asking her about work only a couple of months into living together.
Katniss narrowed her eyes and gave Peeta a puzzled look, finally raising her gaze from the magazine. “No, not since Jo brought on her old classmate to work in finance, like, six months ago. I told you about her.”
“Oh okay, that’s right. I forgot about that.” Peeta tried to brush it off, hoping she wouldn’t notice his extra attention.
“Why would there be someone new?” she asked, challenging him. He should have known her keen attention and suspicious nature wouldn’t let him get one past her.
“Just curious,” he said with a shrug. “You’re dressing different.”
Katniss nodded. “I let Jo take me shopping,” she offered in explanation. At this, Peeta’s eyebrows shot up and he couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
“Really?” he asked, grinning. “Uh oh. Now that I would love to see.” He pictured Katniss’s unexpected best friend, with her spiky hair and even spikier shoes, with Katniss scowling alongside her as she was dragged through store after store. “I see what happened now. Did she try to put you in spikes and chains before you ran screaming to the dress section to escape her?”
“Come on, now, she’s not that bad!” Katniss scrunched up her nose and made a silly face at him before laughing along with him. “She’s just helping me work through something. She thought retail therapy would be a good idea.”
“Well I think the dresses are great,” Peeta said, genuine fondness coming through his voice as he pictured the sunset orange one she wore two days ago. “I thought maybe there was some new guy at work whose attention you were hoping to catch.”
Katniss scoffed a quiet laugh under her breath. “No,” she shook her head with an eye roll and a small smile. Peeta was relieved she was taking this with humor instead of offense. Once, when he was living with Madge and asked why she was dressed so nicely, she iced him out for a week for “implying that she didn’t usually look nice.” Katniss wasn’t Madge, though. He should have known. “No new guys.” She aimed a level gaze at him that, for reasons Peeta couldn’t quite understand, unsettled him. After a couple of seconds she broke their eye contact and shifted her pretty tan legs up under her body on the couch. “I don’t want one, anyway.” She sniffed, indifferent, and returned her attention to her magazine.
This caught Peeta’s attention, snapping out of his brief befuddlement from their sudden intense eye contact and bringing him back to present. I don’t want one? Since when? Katniss had been complaining about her singledom ever since they moved in together. It was an almost daily topic around the dinner table, and something that brought them together in their mostly coupled-up friend group. The bond over their singleness is what inspired them to move in together when Katniss’s old landlord decided to retire and move in permanently to the rental home Katniss had been occupying. Now she was saying she didn’t need a man?
“Oh you don’t want a man, huh?” Peeta asked, his eyebrows raised and his voice playful in an attempt to mask his sudden burning interest in the conversation. “Since when? You’ve been talking about how much you hate being single since you and Gale broke up. What are we supposed to talk about if not how much you hate the men you’ve been trying to date and how impossible it is to find the perfect guy?”
Katniss closed her magazine and tilted her head, assessing him. Did he say too much? “Hm,” she mused. “I thought you were more observant than that.” At his look of confusion she clarified. “I haven’t talked about dating in weeks, maybe longer. If I talked about it so much, I would have thought you’d notice when I stopped bringing it up.”
“Also,” she started, climbing off the couch and stretching her back before continuing, (Peeta tried to keep his eyes from traveling down to where her soft breasts pushed forward as she stretched because he was a gentleman, goddammit). “I didn’t say I didn’t want a man. I said I didn’t want a new man. That’s different, Peeta.” With a quick touch to his shoulder she turned and left him, dazed and blinking behind her, and went to her room, closing the door softly.
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“Conferences going 2 run late, so sorry.” - P
“Np see you soon” - K
Peeta pulled into the driveway with a heavy sigh. He loved teaching his students, but parent-teacher conferences sometimes made him question the life choices that led him here, getting home after dark on a Thursday afternoon after a long week of being scapegoated by parents for their children’s decisions to not do their own homework. He was exhausted, and in a terrible mood. He knew it was bad because he wanted to go inside and tuck straight into bed instead of his usual evening routine of making dinner for him and Katniss.
When she first moved in, they had planned to split dinner-making responsibilities 50/50. Eventually Peeta noticed that Katniss was especially grumpy on her dinner-making nights – probably because Katniss in the kitchen is one of the most painful things he’d ever seen. It was so terribly unnatural and uncomfortable for her that Peeta eventually suggested that he cook five nights a week and they get take out twice. After refusing for several weeks on the principle of “fairness,” Katniss eventually gave in after a lasagna gone particularly bad. She still refused to let him pay for his own takeout though.
Peeta had grown to love their evening routine – him at the stovetop, her sitting on the counter regaling him with stories of her childhood in the countryside with her sister Prim, her adventures with Joanna, or her latest sleazebag date story. They always had a good laugh and, better than that, Peeta’s food always coaxed an unapologetic moan out of Katniss’s beautiful mouth every time she took the first bite. He lived for those moans. But not tonight. Peeta’s last conference of the day ran way, way over when the parents showed up late and then got into a heated argument in front of Peeta about their theories on how their precious angel should be raised. All he wanted to do was go to bed. But Katniss seemed especially excited for tonight’s meal when they were doing their grocery shopping for the week, so Peeta would do his best to throw something together for her.
When Peeta went inside, though, Katniss was nowhere to be found. He looked all over before finding her on the back patio, a pair of tongs in her hand and earbuds plugged into her ears. He stopped for a moment before opening the patio to appreciate the view. He couldn’t help but notice her perfect, toned legs looking like they stretched on for a mile in her short denim cutoffs. She had piled her hair on the very top of her head in a haphazard knot – something she probably should have done the night of the lasagna disaster – and her graceful neck was bobbing side to side along with whatever music she had pumping into her ears. He was so swept away by her natural beauty in her unguarded moment that it took him a moment more to realize that Katniss was standing in front of their grill, cooking up dinner. It wasn’t even her night – takeout night.
“Hey,” Peeta said, sliding open the patio door and popping his head outside. “What are you doing? It’s my night to co—”
“OH MY GOD” Katniss screamed, jumping into the air and knocking over the beer resting on the side of the grill. It spilled to the ground as Peeta took a step back into the house in surprise.
“Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to – “
“JESUS, Peeta! You SCARED me!” Katniss held her hand to her chest as she tried to catch her breath.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just meant to ask what you were doing. It’s my night to cook.” Peeta stepped onto the patio and slid the door closed behind him, picking up the forgotten beer bottle to try to stop its steady flow onto the ground.
“Yeah but you had a long night and you always cook. I figured it was the least I could do. I hope you’re okay with grilled steak – we both know it’s about the only thing I can consistently deliver on.”
Peeta let out a deep breath of gratitude and relief and stepped into Katniss’s personal space, pulling her into a tight hug. “Steak is perfect” he murmured in her ear as she wrapped her arms comfortably around him. “Thank you so much. Give me a minute, I’m going to get changed and grab a beer, I’ll be right back out.”
“I already got you one,” Katniss said, gesturing towards the patio table that already had been laid out with beers, plates, and silverware.
“Dinner in the light of the patio, huh?” Peeta asked, cocking his eyebrows with a grin. “Golly, Katniss, subtle much? A man knows when he’s being wined and dined!” He winked at her and went inside to change, missing entirely the light blush that was spreading across her face.
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“Are you okay?” Katniss asked later that night, after steaks had been eaten and beers drunk. They were back inside on the couch, trying to beat each other to the right answers on “Wheel of Fortune” reruns. Katniss was leaned back across the arm of the sofa with her legs thrown carelessly across Peeta’s lap in their go-to tv-watching positions. She pawed absently at a piece of hair that had fallen from her topknot and looked at him quizzically. “You keep twitching your head around like you’re stressed or something. Were the conferences that bad?”
“Well, they were,” Peeta confessed, “but that’s not it. They’re over now so it’s not so much that I’m stressed about them as I am stressed from them. My neck and shoulders are so tight they feel like concrete. I’m just trying to stretch them out a bit.”
Katniss nodded in understanding. All the time she spent looking down at papers in her office had turned her neck and back muscles into a nightmare. “I have just the thing,” she said, a glint in her eye that Peeta had only seen in her most mischievous moments. “Sit on the ground in front of the couch and keep your eyes closed.”
With that, she sprung up from the couch and ran to her bedroom. Peeta watched after her curiously before following her instructions and sliding his weary body off the front of the couch and onto the ground. He tried to pinpoint her location and her actions as she moved about the house but, having closed his eyes as per Katniss’s instructions, he felt himself beginning to nod off.
His brief dozing meant that Peeta was startled by the feel of Katniss sliding onto the couch behind him and placing her hands on his shoulders. “You ready?” she asked, her voice a combination of excitement and mischief that seemed unfitting for what he assumed would be a shoulder massage.
“Ready,” Peeta noted, too tired to even revel in the feel of her soft but strong hands on him. However, Katniss surprised him when she pulled her hands away and he heard a loud buzzing sound start up behind him.
He turned to look but Katniss chastised him and gently pushed his head back forward with an “ah ah ah! No peeking. This will feel good, I promise.” Deciding to trust her, Peeta settled back down and leaned his head forward slightly to allow Katniss full access to his aching neck and shoulders. He prided himself by only jumping a little when she lowered a vibrating device straight into the rigid crook of his neck and pressed firmly.
“Katniss, oh my god,” he moaned, letting his head roll even further forward to maximize her access. “Did you get one of those sports massagers and not tell me?? I would have gone in on the cost to share it with you, you know I’ve been eyeing one.”
“Nah,” Katniss brushed off his question and provided no answers. “Hush and just let me do it.”
Peeta was too enveloped in good feelings to question Katniss further. The room filled with the sounds of his happy sighs, soft moans when she moved to a particularly tense place, and through it all the loud buzzing sound of what Peeta was now considering Katniss’s magic massage device.
Until she turned it off, and Peeta turned his head to thank her profusely. Because that’s when he saw it. Katniss’s magic massage device. In her small hands she held an actual, real life, Magic Wand. And not the fairytale kind. It was the bedroom kind. In Katniss’s hands. And she had just used it. On him. Peeta’s thanks choked into silence as his jaw dropped open at the sight of Katniss holding a sex device for his own two eyes to behold. Shocked, it was the very best he could do to let out a strangled “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-“ before Katniss took mercy on him and cut him off.
“Relax, Peeta. It’s a vibrator. They’re not called “personal massagers” for nothing. It vibrates, it’s good for your muscles and to help you relax. I use it all the time.”
“You use it all the time,” Peeta repeated, his short-circuiting brain useless to do anything but parrot Katniss’s explanation. “To relax.”
Katniss nodded at him with a saccharine sweet smile. “Yep! It really helps a lot. And you’ve been so stressed from conferences, I thought you could use some relief. Do you feel any better?”
Peeta nodded, not trusting his mouth, or his brain, to speak anything beyond his croaked “thank you.”
“Sure!” Katniss said with a friendly rub of his shoulder. “And hey, it’s really too late and the team has an early start tomorrow. I should be getting to bed. Goodnight! Congrats on making it through conferences.” With that, she crawled out from behind him and left him there, sitting on their living room floor with his useless mouth hanging wide open behind her.
Laying in bed awake all night as he did that night, Peeta knew that for the rest of his life he would never forget the sight of Katniss Everdeen disappearing into her bedroom with a vibrator in her hands.
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Friday. Completely. Sucked. Peeta was exhausted. Normally able to sleep like a bear as long as the window was open, he wasn’t coping well with having been up all night. In fact, there were a number of things that Peeta wasn’t coping well with. And every single one of those things tied back to his roommate. It had been a week since Katniss casually dropped that she wasn’t looking for new men anymore. Peeta had been so busy preparing for parent-teacher conferences that he hadn’t had time to consider what that meant until Katniss was the only thing he could think about in his room in the dark with sleep evading him. Add to it that he kept coming home and finding her in new dresses all week long. Dresses that were clinging to the gentle curves of her body, complementing her soft, glowy skin and driving him absolutely mad with desire. Dresses that he saw on her floor each following morning as he walked past her room, tossed aside casually at the foot of her bed. Dresses that he wished were on his floor, instead.
And then the buzzing! God, the buzzing sound from the vibrator – from Katniss Everdeen’s vibrator that she casually used on his body. Peeta was burning up and dying inside at the same time. He swore he could hear that buzzing all night long, bouncing around inside of his skull and driving him mad with lust for his roommate.
Lusting after Katniss was no new surprising thing for Peeta. He had fallen in love with her the very first time he laid eyes on her. It was a field-day style bachelor/bachelorette party for Finnick and Annie – bridesmaids versus groomsmen. She had her hair in two braids that day – Peeta remembered because he remembered how his hand jumped forward as if to touch them of their own will. He shook her hand in introduction instead and when she smiled at him and he heard her musical voice say his name for the first time (“Hi Peeta, I’m Katniss. It’s nice to meet you,” she said.) he was gone. But Katniss was dating gruff, rugged Gale, and it seemed serious (according to Finnick when Peeta did some digging afterward). Beyond that, Katniss was the most perfect human he had ever laid eyes on. He knew immediately that he could live a thousand lifetimes and never be good enough for Katniss Everdeen. Not that Gale was. Or anyone else she’s dated since their nasty break up two years ago.
Peeta resigned himself from the very beginning to loving, and lusting for, Katniss from afar. Their descent into deep friendship, and then roommates, was salt in the wound as every moment spent together drove him farther into love. He had thought he stood a chance one time, early into living together. Katniss had scored a big contract at work and they went out for drinks at the pub down the street to celebrate. Walking home with a very drunk Katniss glued to his arm that night, Peeta was just thinking of how much he enjoyed her company when she leaned her head on his shoulder and said, out loud, for all the world to hear, “I love you Peeta Mellark.” He stopped them dead in their tracks on the sidewalk and turned to look in her eyes. Glassy and unfocused. She was drunk. But he’d never let her down in this moment. “I love you too, Katniss.” It was the first time he admitted it. He wondered as he helped her into her own bed that night whether she would remember it in the morning. “I wasn’t that drunk,” she claimed when he prodded her gently the following morning about what she could remember from their night out. That’s when Peeta thought he might stand a chance. But days, then months, came and went and it never came up again. That’s how Peeta knew. She maybe loved him – even drunk she wouldn’t have lied to him about that -- but she would never be in love with him. Not like he was with her.
No new men, she had said. And she was so careful to specify new. But the dresses. Katniss didn’t dress up like that for no reason. He knew she was doing it for something or someone. It was the someone possibility that he feared. The part of Peeta Mellark that loved Katniss Everdeen panicked at the thought of her reconnecting with any of her exes, be they flings or more serious relationships like Gale or Darius. The part of him that lusted for her raged with jealousy. But Peeta liked to consider himself a gentleman despite it all, and tried to focus more on the panic than the rage. None of them were good enough for her. He’d met half of them – Gale during Finnick’s wedding and some one night stands picking her up for the start of their date and sizing him up at the front door – and the ones he hadn’t met he’d heard enough about to know didn’t deserve her.
Shaking himself out of his mental replay of the previous night’s anguish, Peeta looked at the clock above his doorway and tried his best to refrain from groaning out loud. His final students of the day were working diligently on their tests but they still had forty minutes to go. Peeta wasn’t sure how he felt about going home to Katniss today. Surely his exhaustion made him eager to get home, but his inability to calm the fevered storm inside of him, put there by the sight of the vibrator in her hands, had him nervous that he wouldn’t be able to act normally around her. How could he look Katniss in the eye after spending the night imagining one small, strong hand wrapped around her wand and the other wrapped around him? He was so tightly coiled with lust he worried that her nightly moan over his cooking would push him over the edge. Peeta had always burned for Katniss, but now he was catching fire. His only hope was that he could somehow avoid burning their friendship forever as a result.
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Peeta was a gentleman. That is why, despite his years of pining, he had never purposefully imagined his roommate and best friend while taking care of himself. Sure, a vision or two may have flashed across his mind in the heat of the moment from time to time, but Peeta tried his best not to entertain those thoughts about Katniss if he could control it. Best not to make things harder for himself. After tormenting himself with fantasies of her all night, though, Peeta knew it was time to break one of his most important rules. He was grateful for his school shift for letting him get home early enough to have plenty of time to himself before Katniss got home. He didn’t need the thought of her a wall or two away making him feel even guiltier about what he was about to do. The power of his guilt wasn’t as strong as the call of his need, though.
Peeta made a beeline for the shower as soon as he stepped over the threshold of his home. He stepped under the spray of the water, just short of scalding, and pulled his already hard and aching cock into his hand. Closing his eyes, Peeta gave in to the power of his fantasies of Katniss. Her long hair left unbraided, draping across his naked chest as she moved over him. The feel of her pillowy lips under his tongue. Finally knowing the taste of her moans as he captured them in his mouth and echoed them back into hers. Dresses on the floor in every style and color. And the newest fantasy he had never even thought to imagine before – Katniss in his bed, sprawled across his pillows and showing him, with gusto, exactly how she liked to use that magic wand to help her relax. His breaths became shallower as he thrusted into his hand faster and faster, nearly choking in his efforts to keep from groaning his impending release. Overlaying the sound of her evening dinner moans onto his mental image of her spread out on his bed he was finally overcome and spilled into the stream of the shower water. He leaned his head against the shower wall as he fought to gain control over his breath. As his pulse returned to normal he realized, with horror, what he had done by breaking one of his most important rules. His fantasies of Katniss had led to one of the best orgasms of his life, and he wasn’t sure how he was going to look her in the eye knowing the way he had disrespected their friendship. Keeping his lust to himself had never been a problem before, but Peeta realized with dawning awareness that he needed to do something to finally put his lust to rest. It was time to try to move on from Katniss.
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Peeta had turned down Delly’s determined advances many times over the teachers’ lounge coffee pot. The following Wednesday, when she invited him for drinks the coming Friday, he accepted her invitation. There was nothing wrong with Delly. She was beyond kind, and her cute curls seemed fun to play with. After they finalized their plans for where and when to meet, Peeta mulled over the reasons why he had never accepted her offer before. He realized that it really came down to the fact that her sunny demeanor and light curly hair stood in such stark contrast to his Katniss. Maybe that made her the perfect candidate to help him move on for good.
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“Peeta, it’s Friday night. Why are you dressing up? Did Finnick call? Should I be getting ready too?” Katniss asked him as he stood in the bathroom adjusting the collar of his light blue button down. Someone in the house had always mentioned that it looked good with his eyes, but he was telling himself that’s not why he picked it for his date tonight. Could it really be his first date since Katniss moved in? It seemed impossible that it had been so long but, checking his math, he realized that yes, he was correct.
“Remember Delly from work?” Peeta asked Katniss, smoothing down his stubborn hair. “We’re getting drinks tonight.”
Katniss dropped her arm from where it had been leaning against the doorframe and stood up straight, suddenly at attention. “Delly from work?” she asked, incredulously. “The one you’ve turned down a thousand times for a date?”
“The same one,” Peeta answered drily.
“Is it, like, a Secret Santa thing or something?” Katniss asked, the shock still ringing through her voice.
“She asked me on a date again. I finally said yes. I thought it was time.”
“Where is this coming from, Peeta? You’ve been uninterested in dating ever since you and Madge ended things. Did something happen?” Katniss prodded him with her questions, getting under his skin without realizing it.
“Something did,” he muttered under his breath before turning to her and flashing her a bright smile. “How do I look?” he asked her with fake enthusiasm. He did not want to go on this date with this woman. But she deserved that he give her a chance, so he wanted to put his best foot forward.
“You look amazing,” Katniss said quietly, giving him a once over. “You know I love that shirt. But… Peeta… Delly? Really? Is she what you’re looking for?”
Peeta ran his hand through his hair in irritation before realizing he messed up the work he had just done in smoothing it down. Turning back to the sink and the mirror he answered “I don’t know what I’m looking for anymore, okay?” He couldn’t keep the frustration out of his voice. “It’s been years since Madge and I’m tired of being alone.” It was a lie. Peeta wasn’t alone, he was almost never alone. Katniss was almost always by his side. But he couldn’t face the thought of her getting back with one of her exes and living happily ever after while he stayed still, loving her forever. That’s the thought that left him feeling so alone lately.
Katniss blinked at him. “I didn’t realize you felt that way,” she murmured. “Good luck on your date, then. You look really nice.” She turned quickly and stepped across the hall into her room, closing the door swiftly behind her. With a look of regret that he couldn’t help, he watched her disappear. Then, confirming that he looked acceptable, he left the bathroom and head out the front door to face his first attempt at moving on from the woman he left inside.
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The date went poorly. Very poorly. Peeta realized less than halfway through that trying to get over Katniss by picking her stark opposite was not the right move. There was a reason he liked Katniss as much as he did, and as sweet as Delly was she was too different to fill in the empty places he wanted Katniss to fill. Regardless, Peeta tried his best to make the night worthwhile for Delly. He told his best stories, made her laugh, and let her know that she looked lovely that evening. When he reached her doorstep at the end of walking her home, however, he realized that his lack of interest had shown through.
“This was really nice, Peeta. Thank you for finally saying yes.” Delly said, looking so sweet under the yellow glow of her doorstep light.
“Thank you for inviting me, Delly. I had a nice time.”
“No you didn’t,” Delly shook her head with a small smile. “A girl knows when a guy is trying too hard to have a nice time with her. I appreciate your efforts, Peeta, but I wonder if it would be best if we just stayed coworkers, and maybe friends if you’re open to it.”
Peeta was at a loss for words, shocked that Delly was able to see through him so clearly when he really had tried his best to make it a good night for her. He held both of her hands and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. “You really are a sweetheart, Delly,” he said, squeezing her hands before dropping them gently. “Friends would be really nice.”
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It was close to one in the morning when Katniss found him nursing a beer on their back porch that night in front of the firepit. He had been lost in the memories of his date with Delly, trying to figure out what it was about the sweet girl that he just couldn’t see himself falling in love with. Katniss’s timing in sliding open the back door was impeccable, as he had just reached the conclusion that there was absolutely nothing wrong with sweet Delly except for the fact that she wasn’t his Katniss. And then, there she was, his Katniss, standing on the porch in front of him with a blanket wrapped around her.
“You were back earlier than I expected you to be,” Katniss said, pulling up a chair alongside him. “I left you be in case you hadn’t come back alone, but I figured after this long of not hearing anything that it would be safe to come out.”
“You thought I’d bring a girl back to our shared home? And on our first date? Gosh Katniss,” Peeta drew his hand through his hair. “You give me a lot more credit than I’m worth.”
“Nah,” Katniss shook her head. “You give yourself a lot less than you’re worth.” Looking into the fire, she wouldn’t meet his gaze when she asked him “How did your date go?”
Peeta shook his head, though he knew she wouldn’t see it. “I thought I didn’t know what I was looking for. That may be true. But I know what I’m not looking for, and unfortunately for both Delly and myself, she fits that category.”
Katniss grimaced and shot him a sympathetic look.
“It’s okay,” Peeta shrugged. “It was obvious to us both. She was sweet about it. It just wasn’t the right fit.”
“What do you think you would need, then?” Katniss asked, her tone even and casual. “For it to be the right fit?”
“I don’t know if I can say,” Peeta answered covertly, watching Katniss practically glow in the firelight. He wasn’t lying, he told himself. Not really. He did know what he wanted. But he also knew he couldn’t say it, wouldn’t say it, to his best friend as she sat across from him.
Katniss nodded. “I get it,” she responded. She looked him in the eye and Peeta’s breath caught. There was something burning in her eyes, something other than the firepit sitting five feet from her chair. He looked away quickly, uncomfortable with the way her eye contact was making him feel.
“What about you?” Peeta asked her, sipping at his beer and trying to keep his tone casual and light. “You said you didn’t need any new guys. So what do you need, then?” He could feel her gaze on him, intent and calculating. She was using those hunter eyes to read every cue she could squeeze out of him. Peeta only hoped she was picking up the messages he was trying to convey. I’m casual. I’m light. This conversation doesn’t matter. I’m casual. I’m light.
“It’s Finnick and Annie,” Katniss answered him, forcing his gaze to return to hers in surprise and confusion.
“You need Finnick and Annie??” he asked, shock leaking through his voice. “I… I…” he stuttered. “I didn’t know they were into that,” he decided upon, trying to re-school his features. I’M CASUAL he shouted to himself in his head. I’M LIGHT.
“No!” Katniss answered him quickly with a laugh. “I don’t want Finnick and Annie.” She shook her head and tried to suppress a smile, but she was failing enormously. She saw the relief and shock on his face and couldn’t help but laugh. Soon they were both laughing at the direction their conversation had taken. “Okay okay okay,” Katniss took several deep breaths and tried to regain control of the conversation. “It’s kind of Finnick and Annie but it’s not them I want,” she clarified, quickly. “I want what they have. I realized I had been missing it all this time. I just want to be in love with my best friend, the way they are. It's so obvious when you see them together. They are each other’s favorite people in the world. They’re so in love. And they’re the best of friends. That’s what I want. Does that make sense?”
Peeta nodded slowly, looking away. He knew exactly what it was like to be in love with his best friend and, to be honest, it wasn’t all it cracked up to be. But he wasn’t going to tell her that, and he had to agree with Katniss’s assessment of their friends, Finnick and Annie. They certainly made it work for them.
“Peeta?” Katniss asked, hesitation in her voice forcing him to look back at her. She looked… vulnerable, and… scared? Nothing like the fierce hunter he was used to knowing.
“Yeah?” he asked, his voice cracking in uncomfortable emotion from the vulnerability she was showing him.
“I was scared, today,” she whispered. “When you left to meet Delly.”
Peeta blinked, completely caught off guard by this confession. Where was this coming from?
“Scared of what??” he asked, incredulous. “That I’d get hit by a car on the way or something?”
“No,” Katniss shook her head. “That I’d missed my chance.”
Peeta kept blinking at her, wondering if he’d had one too many beers that night. He was finding it impossible to follow their conversation. “Your chance for what?” he asked, confusion dripping in his voice.
“My chance to be in love with my best friend.” She unfolded herself from the patio chair and stood up, bending over him slightly. Peeta’s breath caught when the blanket that had been wrapped around her fell off and he realized that she wasn’t wearing a bra. He thought he looked for only a second but when he met her eyes he was surprised to realize that she was only a breath away from him. She placed one of her small hands on his cheek and he blinked, again, in surprise, unable to respond before she leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his mouth. It was so sweet, and so sudden, and over so quickly that Peeta didn’t even get a chance to kiss her back before she stood up, whispered “good night, Peeta,” and disappeared into the darkness of the house. Peeta wasn’t sure how long he stared into the house after her with his jaw hanging open but all he knew was that by the time his brain started working again the fire in the firepit had burned down, and down, and down, until it was almost all the way out.
_____________________________
Katniss opened her bedroom door as Peeta stood outside of it, his hand raised as if to knock, but before the actual knocking could take place. It was almost three AM.
“You walk loudly,” Katniss explained. “I heard you stop outside of my-- ”
“Why are you wearing dresses, Katniss?” Peeta interrupted. His agonized voice and wild eyes made Katniss take a step back briefly before she softened and looked at him with big eyes. Peeta’s heart was in his throat. He thought he had worked it all out but if he was wrong – if he was wrong and Katniss was wearing the dresses for someone else and kissed him in a friendly way meaning nothing by it – well. Peeta didn’t think he’d ever recover.
“I thought maybe you’d like them,” Katniss whispered softly, opening the door wider and taking a step towards him. She was in his space now. If she put her hand on his chest she could have felt his heart about to beat right out of it. He couldn’t play any games here. He had to know.
“Katniss did – do you – did you want—”
“Yes,” Katniss interrupted him, putting him out of his misery. Her grey eyes shined into his as she wrapped her arms around his neck and stepped closer, pushing her body against his. “I want.”
“Katniss,” Peeta groaned before lowering his mouth and capturing hers in a searing kiss. Her lips opened immediately under his and he sucked in a gasp when he felt her warm tongue sneak out and lick along his lower lip. “Oh god.” He couldn’t keep in the words that he moaned out as he captured her tongue with his and deepened the kiss. He couldn’t decide where he wanted to put his hands. Initially cupping her face, he moved them down to her waist, her hips, her back, before settling on threading his fingers through her perfect hair and angling her face to kiss her deeper, more fully. He was a parched man getting his first taste of water. It was his actual last thought before his brain turned off completely and he let his body be guided by his desires instead.
Any time his fantasies of Katniss had snuck into his dreams he pictured this moment as soft, gentle, and reverential but now that it was actually happening Peeta’s movements were anything but. His lust and eagerness guided his behavior and he turned their bodies around to press Katniss against the wall next to her doorframe. He cupped her jaw in his hand and turned her head to allow him full access to the line of her neck which he lavished with licks and kisses. One of his trembling hands snuck to the hem of her shirt and slid underneath.
“Is this okay?” he asked, his breath hot against her neck.
“Please,” Katniss whimpered. Holy shit, echoed through his head as his only thought.
He slowly slid his hand up her shirt, taking his time to feel the unbelievable softness of her skin. She wasn’t wearing a bra. Oh god, oh god. Her perfect breast was in his hand for the first time and Peeta felt like he had died inside in the best possible way.
Peeta drug his face up to the side of Katniss’s head. “I need to see you,” he murmured in her ear. “Please. I’m dying to see you.”
Katniss nodded and moved to pull her shirt off. “Please let me,” Peeta interrupted her, stopping her hands from going any further. He grabbed the hem of her shirt and tugged it insistently over her head, keeping his eyes intently on each additional inch of skin he was revealing. “Oh god, you’re perfect,” he moaned the second he got the shirt off of her. “I knew you’d be perfect.”
Unable to stop himself, Peeta dipped his head and licked the underside of her breast. He looked up at Katniss briefly in concern when he heard her head thud against the wall as she threw it back.
“It’s fine,” she said breathlessly, “It’s fine. It’s so, so fine.” Katniss threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled it gently, encouraging him to move his mouth higher, towards her hard, tight nipple. Peeta sucked it into his mouth with a groan and flicked it with his tongue, chuckling ever so slightly as he felt Katniss’s knees go weak for a moment. Peeta was unsure how much time he spent lavishing her tits with his mouth, going back and forth from one to another, but he knew he couldn’t die a happy man quite yet. There was so much left to do with her. Just as he was starting to plan his next move, Katniss’s grip in his hair grew firmer and she tugged him up to position her mouth by his ear.
“Touch me, Peeta,” she whispered. “I need you to touch me, I need you so bad.”
Peeta leaned his head back with a groan, closing his eyes. Wasn’t it all he had ever wanted, hearing those words come out of her mouth? He captured her pretty lips and drug his hand from her breast down her stomach, feeling the muscles clench as he made his way past the sensitive skin of her abdominals. At the feel of the lace trim of the panties she had been wearing under her sleep shirt, his fingers froze and he hesitated. Looked in her eyes with a question between them.
Katniss was not a woman of many words, and apparently she thought she had done enough consenting already. Instead of answering his unspoken question with words, she closed her small hand over his large one and pushed their hands down past the lace of her panties until he felt his fingers sink into her warm wetness.
“Oh god, Katniss,” Peeta moaned, leaning his forehead against hers. “You’re so.. oh shit.. you’re so wet for me.” His motions were tentative until Katniss bucked her hips against his hand, speeding along his movements. He drew tight circles around her sensitive clit until her hands were scrambling along his shoulders, pulling him impossibly closer to her. Peeta wanted more from Katniss, though. He wanted her words. He needed to hear her say, after all this time, what she wanted. That she wanted him. He teased her pussy mercilessly, alternating between the quick, tight circles around her clit and long, slow strokes between her folds that never dipped into the spot that she wanted him most. He smirked into her kiss when he heard her frustrated scoff as she kept trying to adjust her hips to find the right angle to slide onto his fingers. He wouldn’t let her though.
“Tell me,” he commanded. “I’m not doing a single thing to you tonight that you don’t ask me for.”
“Fuck me, Peeta,” Katniss cried out, nearly in tears with her desperation. “Fuck me against this wall with your hand, please!”
Peeta stilled his movements. He knew he had asked Katniss to ask for it, but he hadn’t expected her to be so… descriptive? Desperate? Exact? He wasn’t sure what he expected but it wasn’t this. The eagerness in her voice had his already hard cock leaking in anticipation. “Well shit, Katniss,” he murmured against her lips with a smirk. “All you had to do was ask.” With that, he slid his finger inside of her, pushing along her inside wall until he felt the spongy texture of her G-spot which he began pushing into relentlessly. He captured her chin with his free hand and held her head in place, catching her moans into his mouth and swallowing them down with his own.
Katniss’s wetness did anything but douse his fire. As she started wriggling and jerking her hips against him, fucking herself on his hand, Peeta couldn’t help but to drop to his knees. Maintaining his rhythm with one hand while he spread her open with the other, he allowed himself to lean forward and taste her, his Katniss, for the first time. How many times had he imagined this before? But he never could have imagined the sensory overload that was Katniss in the thrall of passion. Every one of his senses was overwhelmed with her. The taste of her silkiness under his tongue, the sound of her wrecked voice moaning his name, the feel of her thighs trembling and twitching with pleasure, the smell of her arousal encouraging his efforts. And the look of her. As an artist, Peeta’s pride had led him to believe that his fantasies of a flushed, aroused Katniss exploding around him would be pretty close to accurate. She was so, so far beyond anything he could have imagined.
Before he had come even close to having his fill of her, Peeta felt Katniss’s walls begin to pulse around his finger. “Oh shit, Peeta!” she screeched. “Oh shit, oh god, I’m going to – I’m com—you’re going to make me--!” He tasted wetness flooding out of her and lapped up every last drop, wanting to own every single part of this – the first orgasm he had ever given her. After thoroughly overanalyzing her comments on the porch, he suspected he may get the chance for repeat performances, but just in case, he wasn’t willing to miss a single ounce what she could give him.
Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, Peeta stood up and leaned his forearms on either side of Katniss’s head, trapping her against the wall. “Are you done, Kat?” he asked into her ear, his voice rough and low, “or can you take some more?”
“More, Peeta, please,” Katniss groaned. “Give me everything I’ve imagined.”
With that, Peeta’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, so you’ve imagined this before, huh? Interesting. You’ll be happy to know, then, that you’re not the only one. Apparently we’ve been partners in this for longer than I realized. What have you been imagining, then? I’m ready to make your filthiest dreams come true. Or is it something sweeter? Less filthy, more loving and tender? I can do it however you want, Kat. I’m ready for you.”
“Yes,” Katniss groaned. “Both. Everything. I want it all, in every way. And I want to give it to you, too.” She pulled his mouth to hers in a punishing kiss and pushed against his chest, moving him away from the wall and towards her rumpled bed. “You, me, in this bed. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about it.” She gave him a shove and smirked at him when he bounced against the mattress, looking up at her with wonder and lust in his pupil-blown eyes. He never thought he’d hear those words in her sweet voice.
It seemed the power of her orgasm had cleared Katniss’s mind and stoked her determination, as she was eager to take charge now. She mounted Peeta and pressed her chest against his, kissing him deeply and capturing his moans in her mouth as she reached down and stroked his cock, desperately straining to be released from his jeans. Sitting up, she made quick work of undoing his belt before tapping on his hips so that he could lift them and allow her to slide the pants over and off of his legs.
“You know, when we first met, I’d kind of hoped you’d be a boxer briefs kind of guy,” Katniss said with a smile, allowing her eyes to slowly roam over his almost naked form. “You can’t imagine how delighted I was when I saw them in the laundry the first weekend I moved in. I’ve been mentally stripping you down ever since.”
“Katniss Everdeen has a favorite type of men’s underwear,” Peeta hummed in interest. “I never would have guessed.”
“They’re objectively the sexiest kind!” Katniss argued. “Everyone knows that.”
“Everyone, huh?” Peeta teased. He decided right then that teasing Katniss while they were both naked or near naked was his new favorite form of teasing. He wondered if she’d agree to a vow that they’d both strip down any time they were going to tease one another going forward. There would be a lot of nudity in the future, if that were the case. A man could dream.
“Everyone,” Katniss nodded, sealing the declaration with a firm kiss. “Now take them off. They’ll be even sexier on the ground.”
Peeta nodded into her kiss in agreement and reached for his waistband, but hesitated once his hands reached the elastic. He had been so caught up in shock and lust initially, he had forgotten to be nervous. Their brief foray into talking and teasing had reminded him who he was dealing with, though. Not that he could have forgotten it was Katniss he was touching – of this he had been painfully aware the entire time. But he had forgotten about everything he had always worried about that had held him back from making this move months, years before now. Ruining the friendship. Coming on too strong and scaring her off. Would it be obvious, when he was moving inside of her, how much he was in love with her? Was it love she was after, or was he just something she needed to get out of her system? If it was the latter, was he capable of holding back the part of him that loved her and giving her just enough to satisfy her need without breaking his own heart? He wasn’t sure.
“Peeta,” Katniss interrupted his spiraling thoughts with a gentle hand on his cheek. “It’s okay. We both want this.” Her confident and steady gaze steadied him in turn. He decided to stop thinking about implications, future complications, and anything else that could allow him to get unforgivably distracted from this moment. He would give himself fully to Katniss, damn the consequences, and deal with everything else later.
“Do you have a condom?” he asked as he stripped off the last layer of clothing separating their skin. He had one in his room but goddamn he didn’t want to have to get up and go get it. He didn’t want anything that would add another second between now and when he was inside of her. But he also didn’t want to leave her with anything to regret, nor did he want to put the burden of responsibility on her to be thinking about birth control because he was a feminist, dammit, and birth control is everyone’s responsibility.
“I get the shot every three months and I’m clean.” Katniss gasped it into his mouth as he sucked on her breasts. “I got tested six weeks ago. After all this time I didn’t want anything getting between us, I just want to feel you.”
Peeta could have sworn he was about to come that very second just from her words. Six weeks ago? Was she planning this all along? Was she leading up to this for that much time? He had never been with anyone without protection before. He couldn’t think of a person he trusted more to do this with than his best friend, though.
“I’m clean, too,” he assured her. “I got tested at my annual last spring and I haven’t been with anyone since. But are you sure?” He wanted to give her the opportunity to change her mind. No regrets.
“Oh god,” Katniss moaned. At his confirmation that he was clean, Katniss had begun to grind herself in small circles against his hard cock. “I’m sure. Do it now, please, now.” Her voice was urgent. Peeta considered following her instructions but the desperation in her voice was too delicious. He needed just a little bit more of it.
Flipping them over so that he could be on top, Peeta took his cock in his hand and dipped it briefly into her wetness before dragging it up along her folds to press against her clit. He began moving it in tiny circles and back and forth across her tight bud, drawing huge gasping breaths and moans from Katniss.
“Oh shit!” she gasped. “Fuuuuuck please don’t stop. Oh god that feels so good. Oh, what are you doing to me?!” Her voice was pitched up to a tone Peeta had never heard from her before and, damn, it sounded good.
“Ohgodohgodohgod.” Her words were rushing together, she was so lost in her pleasure. “Please stop I can’t take it. I need you right now or I’m going to scream.”
“Well… I’d kind of hoped you would scream either way…” Peeta smirked with a wink. Then, without further ado, he adjusted his dick down and was inside of her in a single, deep, world-ending thrust. Was world-ending the right term for it? Or was earth-shattering more appropriate? Hard to say, since the second he felt her warm, tight walls close around him his thoughts dissolved into a million indecipherable pieces. Peeta knew two things for sure in that moment. First, that Katniss Everdeen’s pussy was the most perfect thing in the world and he was never, ever leaving. Second, that he was about to come. That very second. And that absolutely could NOT happen, under any circumstances.
Every muscle in his body stiffened as Peeta completely locked them down, forbidding himself to move until the intensity of the tightening in his balls relaxed at least a little bit. He had to keep it together and make this good for Katniss – it was his number one priority.
“Peeta?” Katniss asked, sensing his sudden stiffness and serious silence. “Is everything okay?”
“Amazing,” Peeta grunted through clenched teeth. “Please give me a moment.” He tried to keep his tone casual even though he was in the fight of his life. “I’m trying not to blow my fucking load in you right this second before we even get started.”
Katniss blinked at him in surprise before pulling him down into a sloppy kiss. “Please never say anything to me ever again that isn’t dirty talk,” she whispered into his lips. “It’s the only thing I want to hear out of your mouth for the rest of our lives.”
“Oh god,” Peeta groaned as their tongues danced together. “Katniss Everdeen just told me she likes dirty talk while my cock was inside of her. I can die right now. This very moment.”
“Please don’t. I’m nowhere near done with you.”
At that, Katniss bent her legs and thrust her hips up, somehow pushing him even deeper into her heat. Off to the fucking races, I guess, Peeta thought, pistoning his hips forward to meet her thrust and begin the ride of his life.
______________________
There were many times during their lovemaking in which Peeta thought he might have died and gone to heaven. When he first sunk into her, of course. When he pulled her leg over his shoulder and somehow slid even deeper into her tightness. Thirty seconds later when she lashed her head back and forth and he saw her hair whip wildly across her face while her walls spasmed around him and she groaned his name, yes, HIS name, in the most perfect sound he had ever heard in his life. Those were all moments he wondered if he may have been in heaven. But now, in this moment, Peeta was absolutely certain. There was nothing he had done in his life to deserve the sight that was unfolding in front of him.
Tight and soaking wet from her multiple orgasms, Katniss had flipped them over and was sinking down on top of his cock, taking control of their pleasure. She reached into her nightstand and pulled out the magic wand she had used on his shoulders. Peeta had spent the entire following night dreaming of how she would look holding it against her sweet pussy. Now he knew – it was beyond anything his artist’s imagination was capable of dreaming up. Katniss turned the wand on and held it against herself as she ground her pelvis into his – Peeta could feel the vibrations from the inside of her body. She bit her lip, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back in the very picture of bliss. It was too much, and Peeta knew it instantly.
“Katniss!” he called out, his eyes wide in desperation. “Shit, Katniss I—I’m going to lose it. I’m going to lose it Kat, I’m going to—”
“Not yet!” Katniss interrupted him, slapping her hand over his mouth. “Give me just a little bit longer Peeta, I promise I’ll come on your cock like this so hard, just a minute longer please, god!”
They were both practically screaming in the intensity of their pleasure. Peeta had never felt so determined in his life but he would hold out for her one more minute if it killed him. He reached out for her soft breast and tweaked her nipple in his rough hand, doing anything to help wind her pleasure up higher.
If you were to ask Peeta later, he would confirm with a smirk that it was definitely less than one minute before he heard Katniss cry out. He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her down into a sloppy kiss as her walls clenched around his cock in the most exquisite vice grip he had ever felt. Her moans spilled into his mouth and he tasted her voice begging him to come with her.
Peeta held her hips and thrust into her twitching warmth with every last bit of his energy. “Oh shit, Kat, I’m---” A groan ripped from his throat as the clenching walls of her pussy milked his cock through the most intense orgasm he had ever experienced. “Oh god oh god oh god,” He held his eyes tightly shut as he pressed their foreheads together while he willed his heart to slow down. “Oh god Kat, so good. You’re so good.”
Even with his eyes shut, Peeta could feel Katniss’s smile in her firm kisses. “It was, wasn’t it?”
Rolling out from under her, Peeta collapsed onto the bed by Katniss’s side, reaching out a hand to hold hers in between their bodies. He entwined their fingers and pulled up to press a light kiss on the back of Katniss’s hand. “Uhm…” Peeta started, awkwardly, still catching his breath. “At the risk of sounding like a total knob, I just have to say it… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamed of doing this, Kat.”
Katniss rolled onto her side, propping her head up on her hand and looking him straight in the eyes. “Same, Peeta,” she said with a soft smile. “Thank you.” She kissed him lightly on the cheek and climbed out of bed, not bothering to hide her perfect body from his gaze. “I’m going to hop in the shower. You better still be here when I get back.”
After she disappeared down the hallway, Peeta shut his eyes and drug his hand over his face. He was unsure which path his brain wanted to head down. Should he play back every second of the last half hour to memorize it? Should he panic over what their crossing the line might mean for the future of their relationship? Should he roll over and fall asleep and worry about it all in the morning?
All three were tempting options but the force of option two won out and he stared at the ceiling as he began to process the events of the evening and how things might change for them. The panic settled instant and heavy in his stomach, washing away all of the pleasant post-orgasm feelings he hadn’t even made the time to savor. He thought back to the time in college when he slept with his high school friend Darcy and they never spoke to each other again. Could that be the path he and Katniss were heading down?
Never in a million years, he reassured himself. Darcy was just a casual buddy. Katniss is my BEST friend. We can weather whatever may come of this. Peeta nodded in the darkness to try to convince himself of the truth of his thoughts. Everything would be fine. He just needed to keep his head on straight and try to think through this logically, not emotionally. Difficult to do because sex for Peeta was always heavily tied to his emotions, but he knew he had to set those aside for the sake of his friendship with Katniss.
He wanted to trace the events of the night back to when the tone of their relationship first started changing. Katniss was more casual about sex than he was, but she never decided to sleep with someone out of nowhere. There had to have been signs Peeta had missed. Had Katniss said or done anything different recently?
He felt like an idiot.
Of course, Katniss had been doing all kinds of things out of character for her recently. He recalled their conversation about her going shopping with Jo and his incredulity about her subjecting herself to the activity. He remembered the suddenness of her wardrobe change when she started wearing dresses several weeks ago. He thought about what she had said during their conversation when Peeta asked if there was a new guy at work. No new men, she had said. She was so specific about the new part of it. She was telling him that she was interested in a man that was already in her life. Peeta had feared at the time that she was hooking up with one of her exes but now? He wasn’t so sure. Could it have been him she’d been interested in all along? Their activities tonight had certainly hinted so, but it didn’t seem possible that she could be living in the same house as him, pining after him, and he never noticed. He thought he noticed everything about Katniss Everdeen. If this was true, how could it have slipped past him?
There was always the possibility that this was a casual thing for her. She did mention that she hadn’t talked to or about other men in weeks if not months. Maybe she was in a dry spell and the nearness of Peeta was enough for her? The thought made his stomach hurt. But then there was one memory that Peeta latched onto for dear life, repeating it in his head like a mantra to push the ebb of panic away. Her words on the porch before she kissed him. She was scared. Scared after he went on his date. Scared that she had missed her chance. Why would she have said that if this was just a fuck session to her? She wanted to be in love with her best friend. Peeta may have been uncertain about how sex might affect their relationship but he was absolutely and completely certain that he was Katniss’s best friend. Which meant that Katniss wanted a chance to be in love with him. Did that mean that she wanted to give him a try and see if love could bloom if they took things to a physical level? Or was she already there? Because Peeta was certain – he was already there.
After grappling with their earlier conversation for what felt like hours as Katniss took the longest shower he’d ever heard of, Peeta came to a tentative conclusion. Katniss was either in love with him or she was open to falling for him. He may have been blind to her feelings for him, but he wasn’t stupid enough to miss out on the opportunity to make her his in every way that he never imagined could actually happen. He came to a resolution. Come morning, it was time for Peeta Mellark to woo Katniss Everdeen. Satisfied with his intended plan of action, Peeta rolled over, buried his face into Katniss’s pillow, and fell fast into a deep and heavy sleep.