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I looked at the man I just committed my future to from across the reception hall. I still couldn’t believe how things had worked out the way they had, if only someone told me when I started working with Din all those years ago, where things may have ended up, I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my time.
Now as I look at him, I can’t believe he allowed me to become his partner the first day I met him, I was sure things would have ended differently, but really that day changed everything in my life.
- - - - - - - - - - -
“Karga, you must be insane, there’s no way this guy is going to take me on. I think you need to stop all the drinking my friend.”
“And you need to learn to have a little faith in me, friend.”
I simply rolled my eyes at the man, how was a Mandalorian bounty hunter who already had a reputation before joining the guild be even willing to take anyone as a partner, especially someone like me.
“Alright Karga, I’ll give you a chance but if the man doesn’t want me around, I’m not pushing it.”
“Ha! You really think too little of yourself, which is fine by me, I can pay you less.”
“I don’t think so, buddy. Just because I may not want to rush or push myself into a partnership with a Mandalorian who can kill me in ten-seconds flat doesn’t mean I don’t know my worth, old man.”
“This is why I like you!” He chuckled as he took another sip of his drink.
The noise of the cantina died down in an instant as the doors slid open, I glanced over to see a man in armour that seemed more pieced together from different materials than a typical Mandalorian armour, yet it still suited him, still made him look just as deadly. After all his brown cuirass barely hid the massive chest underneath, his steps were determined yet quiet, he strode through the cantina slowly and decisively, as he reached our table taking the open spot next to me as he shifted the rifle on his back to lay across his thighs.
“Karga”
“Mando” the man laid three trackers on the table, calm and cool as though it was something he had done a million times before, “that was quick Mando” Karga’s eyes widened at seeing the trackers, “I just gave those to you, less than four days ago.”
My breathing stilled at that moment, I felt as though my eyes were going to pop out of my socket, three tackers in less than a week! What’s with this guy! He ever heard of downtime? His hand rested on the table clenching and unclenching, he seemed annoyed or maybe it was nerves. Bah! Why would a Mandalorian be nervous? What could he have to be nervous about? I couldn’t help noticed that his gloves looked quite worn out, no doubt from years of fighting, they were brown matching the colour of his cuirass.
“Mando, this is Sweets” he motioned to me.
“Sweets?” Mando’s visor turned to look at me.
“Mando?” I tilted my head at him, really he was going to complain about my name?
“Why Sweets?”
“Because everything Sweets delivers is sweet” Karga smirked.
I shook my head turning to the man in front of me, “Really, old man? Wanna keep going?” I motioned with my head, as my hand rested against my blaster, a smirk appearing on my lips as I looked at Karga.
He held his hands up, “I’m kidding, Sweets. You need to learn to have a sense of humour.”
“Oh I have one, you simply don’t say anything funny old man”
“Anyway, Mando, meet your new partner” Karga’s hand shifted over to me.
Mando’s helmet turned from Karga to me, his stare was intense, it was as though he was examining every inch of me, scrutinizing if I could live up to being his partner, he turned back to look at Karga, “I work alone.”
“You are new to the Guild, Mando. I told you, I would allow you to go by yourself for your audition, I didn’t say you could be without a partner for your first year.”
“Is this really necessary?”
“It’s part of the way we do things here” Karga answered the man.
“You told me if I brought these back quickly,” he motioned to the trackers, “I wouldn’t have to go through this ‘training’ you seem to think I need.”
“I said possibly. However, Mando you’re young, you need someone to teach you the ropes”
“No”
“If I may” I held up my hand, turning to look at the Mandalorian beside me, “I understand your apprehension, trust me, most of those in the Guild I wouldn’t trust any further than I can throw them. However, even when I joined I had a partner, granted most of the time I slept with one eye open.”
“Oh come on, Bad Eyes wasn’t that bad” Karga chuckled.
“You didn’t travel with him, therefore no comment. Okay.” I held up my finger towards the older man, “All I’m saying” I turned to Mando, “is give me a month. Let me be your partner for a month, if you can’t stand me at the end of the month we go our separate ways no harm done, no hurt feelings, and I will sign off saying you don’t need a trainer. Deal?” I held out my hand to Mando.
“Fine. Don’t get comfortable. You won’t last past a month”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
- - - - - - - - -
“Credit for your thoughts, Sweets?”
I turned to see Karga, “Just thinking back to the time you made me partner up with Mando”
“Ha! That seems like ages ago, I honestly didn’t think it was going to work, truthfully”
My eyes widened as my mouth gaped open, “Seriously?”
“Yeah. I was coming up with all kinds of nonsense to get him to take you on.”
“Why?”
He took a sip of his drink, “Bad Eyes. He was too eager to have you be his partner on a permanent basis. Needed to keep you safe.”
I leaned into his side, as he wrapped his arm around me, a smile gracing my lips, “Aww you do care about me”
“Unfortunately, you little brat”
“Whatever, old man”
We stood there watching various people dancing on the dance floor, as we chuckled at our weird parent-child relationship, “You know I never thought the day would come where I would walk you down the aisle” I glanced up to him chuckling.
“You and me both”
“Remember the first time you got injured with Mando, thought for sure he was going to lose it, and truthfully, I thought it was the end of you, Sweets.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Mando, I'm in position”
“Copy”
It’s taken us four months but we finally were able to work pretty well together, I honestly didn’t think we would have last past the first week. I watched through my scope as Mando approached the quarry, I hugged my Verpine sniper rifle to my shoulder. One of a few Verpine weapons I had managed to get a hold of during my years as a bounty hunter. My Verpine pistol shifting against the ground, as I followed Mando’s steps.
“Taking your sweet-ass time there Mando”
“Shut it”
I smirked at his annoyance, yet despite his moodiness at times he was actually very kind. Always made enough soup to make sure I had some. Draping a blanket on me, when I’d fallen asleep in the passenger seat, only to wake up tangled in the very same blanket. With one quick motion Mando had fired his blaster, and captured the quarry, unfortunately he also set off an alarm alerting the quarry’s gang to his presence. “Any time you wanna head on out before I have to start taking out targets, would be fantastic”
“You really need to shut up”
“Hey I’m not the one who triggered the alarm” He threw the quarry over his shoulder as he kept the blaster in his other hand moving down the hallway, though I couldn’t see his expression, I’m his face radiated with annoyance. “Stop!” I fired my rifle at the target that was hiding down the passageway directly in front of Mando, I watched as the target fell backwards, motionless, “Clear”
He kept walking, he stopped for a brief second in front of the downed target, and continued his escape, “Nice shot”
“Thanks, you got two more coming up behind you, head to the stairwell” I took out the two closing in. Maker I loved this rifle and it’s armour piercing rounds.
“Almost at the extraction point, get the speeder”
“Copy heading your way” I slumped my rifle over my shoulder, running towards the speeder on the street below, as soon as I pulled up Mando came running out with the quarry, he threw himself and the quarry in the back as I started the speeder. I thought we were in the clear until two more speeders pulled out of the alley we had just passed, “Crap! Stay down!”
“What is it?” His voice was muffled over the sound of the roaring wind rushing past my ear comm.
“We got two tails, I’m gonna try to lose them!” I dodged in and out of traffic, moving faster and faster hoping to get enough distance so we could board his ship, but whatever lead I was able to gathere was quickly shortened by the speeders, “I can’t lose them!” I glanced over to the structures beside us, looking for a possible way out, when I spotted our ship in between the spaces of the structures separating us from it. “Alright, this is whaat we’re going to do, Mando, you jump with the quarry, get the ship ready for take off, and once I lose these guys I’ll meet you there.”
“No! You might not make it back!”
“What are you worried about? Then you’ll go back to working on your own! Alright, enough dilly dallying, here’s your chance, jump in five”
“Sweets!”
“Mando! Jump!”
I heard a grunt as we passed a stack of crates.
I didn’t turn to look back and just kept driving, my dashboard kept beeping as the speeders closed in.
There was a barrier looming in the distance not far from where I was, I just need to get closer, aiming the speeder for the barrier, and letting those brainless thugs follow it, causing their own destruction.
I pushed the speeder harder, moving faster with two less people in the transport, I glanced back to see the speeders moving faster. Damn! They had some fast bikes.
The barrier was just in front of me, less than five clicks, I set the cruise control, making sure to lock the steering in place, I shifted my body till I was hunched in my seat, and just as quickly as I could I jumped, rolling away, as the two speeders passed me.
I covered my head with my arms as I heard the explosion and felt the heat spreading out from the crash. A searing pain jutted out from my side and thigh, I took a peek from in between my arm to see three wrecked speeders, fire raging all along the wreckage, the smell of burnt flesh and metal filling the air, the weight from my rifle still strapped to my back seemed exceptionally heavy all of a sudden.
I remember smoke wafting over towards me when an overwhelming urge to slump down against the ground and an incredible desire to close my eyes overtook me.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
“You should have heard him on the comms when he was telling me about the explosion, and finding you among the wreckage. Never heard anyone so scared. He rushed you to a medic station as quickly as he could.”
Huh, never knew that, “Serves him right for going after a quarry we both knew was more trouble than the reward we received.”
“Hey you two” Din walked up to the two of us, as we reminisced about old days.
“Well, look who it is. Mando, we were just talking about the time Sweets here first got injured.”
“Oh, I was ready to kill you” his visor bore into my eyes.
“Hey, I saved your ass!”
“Right, only to give me a heart attack later. Some save.”
Karga chortled at our banter, “I’m gonna grab another drink” he nodded to the two of us as he moved over to the open bar.
I looked at Din’s visor, his armour seemed even shinier than usual, “New pauldron?” I motioned with my head to his left shoulder.
“Yeah, what do you think?”
“Looks good, pretty soon, you’ll be all shiny”
Din chuckled as he took in his partner, the fluttering of his heart as he saw you standing there in your outfit made his heart glad. To see you looking so beautiful, to see you smiling so brightly made all his wishes come true. “That’s the hope”
“You’ll have to beat off everyone with a stick the minute they see you looking exceptionally shiny”
“What are you talking about I have to beat everyone off now”
“True, like that time on Rhodia, never seen so many ‘helpless’ people tripping all over themselves and only you could possibly help them.”
“Like you never pulled that move”
“Hey when I trip, it’s because I’m clumsy” I poked his chest, “not simply trying to get attention, thank you very much.”
“So you never tried to get attention?” I didn’t answer him, simply shifting to look out at the dance floor, ignoring the warmth rising to my cheeks at his insinuation. “Would you do me the honour of this dance?” I turned to look at Din, his hand held out for me to take it.
“You hate dancing”
“For tonight, I’ll make the exception” he shrugged
“Just tonight?” I asked quirking my eyebrow.
“Well, for you” he nodded.
I smiled as I took his hand nodding, “In that case, how can I say no”
We headed to the middle of the dance floor, my outfit shifting around me, as he took me in his hands, thankfully a slow song came on, making it easier for us to dance, I chuckled a little, “You know this reminds me of the bounty we tried to get on Corellia, remember?” I shifted closer to Din, moving my arm further up his shoulder, as his hand wrapped around my waist more pulling me in closer so we could talk.
“How could I forget? We spent hours practicing that stupid dance, I thought for sure you were going to kill me, because I kept forgetting to hold my arms up.”
“I was about to” a smiled graced my lips as I looked into the visor that held so many memories, so many moments, so many times when I almost opened my mouth to tell him about how I felt.
Din’s hands tightened his hold on you, all the times you’ve spent together, all the times you made his heart flutter, made him forget what he was saying, simply by locking eyes with his helmet and now here you were in his arms. “You look beautiful, the outfit really came out nice.”
“Thanks” I glanced down, bitting my lower lip, the amount of times I had wanted to hear him say it and now it slips from lips like it was no big deal. “Can’t believe we’re actually here.”
“Neither can I” his breath hitched as he felt your finger trail closer to the back of his neck.
“You know, it’s going to be weird not having to plan or arrange appointments anymore, now that the wedding is here.”
“True, no more carting you around to various venues”
“Oh remember that one venue that was on Felucia, it was overrun with vines”
“I liked it, personally” he chuckled, “I mean the heat doesn’t exactly bother me” he tapped his knuckles against his helmet.
I chuckled shaking my head, “Well as long as you’re comfortable, can you imagine this outfit on Felucia, I would’ve been soaked through with sweat”
“Just have to wear something with less fabric” he shrugged chuckling.
“Flirt”
“Tease”
Reality settled upon us as a hand tapped his shoulder, I looked over to see Tersu, “Mind if I cut in, missing my life partner” he smiled.
“Of course, Tersu” Din let go of your hands moving further away, as wonderful as it was to imagine this had been his and your wedding, truth was you had married someone else, “Congratulations to you both.”
“Thanks, Mando” Tersu smiled, “don’t worry you’ll get your business partner back in two weeks”
“Right” he nodded, “Excuse me, I actually have to head out soon” he bowed.
I couldn’t let him leave like that, I grabbed his worn-through gloves, “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. You may be on vacation for your honeymoon, but I’m not. I have to leave in a few hours to Tatooine.”
“Oh, okay. Um… can you give me ten minutes, before you go”
“Sure. I’m gonna make my to the front, I’ll wait for you at the entrance.”
“Perfect”
Din needed to move further away, the quicker he left you, the sooner he’d be able to move on from loving you. All the times he wished he actually said he loved you, how he wished he had told you how he felt, how he fell in love with you the moment he sat beside you that first day. He couldn’t help thinking to all those moments it was just you and him curled up on the ship when there was barely any heat.
He remembered the moment you told him you were dating, and he found everything he could about the man you were falling for, and he was so angry when he learned Tersu was actually a good man. An honourable one. There was absolutely nothing he could find fault with, nothing that would make him pull you away from the man who could literally offer you everything.
“Din” Gods even the way his name fell from your lips made his heart flutter, it took everything he had not to push the limits of your friendship. How he wanted to crush his lips against yours, how he wanted to be the one to know you inside and out, how he wanted to be the one whose arms you seek refuge in.
My hands fidgeted against the box I was holding, I bought it when I was ready to tell him the truth of how I felt, I had it all planned.
I knew I had to tell Din the truth, this was a moment of no return, except when I told him Tersu proposed before I could even finish telling him that it made me realize how I felt about him, I had always felt about him, instead of telling me not to go through with the marriage, Din simply kept telling me how good of a man Tersu was. How kind. How honourable of a man he was. How I deserved to be with someone like him and he was exceptionally happy for me.
It was at that moment, I knew Din never once looked at me the way I looked at him, I kept the gift hidden, and burned my confession within my heart, never to speak about it again or allude to it. No matter how much it broke me that day.
I cleared my throat as I stood in front of him, “I know it’s not traditional, but I got you a gift”
“You got me a gift?”
“Yeah. It’s something I’d been wanting to give you for awhile, and after all your help with the wedding, and helping me find my outfit” I motioned to what I was wearing, “it seemed only right to give this to you. I hope you like it, and the colour is okay” he opened the box gently, it always amazed me to see this big gruff man be so sweet and tender at the oddest moments.
Din was speechless as he eyes took in the pair of new leather, orange tipped, beskar covering the black gloves that laid in the box, “Sweets, this is …”
“I saw it when we were on Corellia, the last time we were there, and I knew they were perfect for you. Try it on.” I offered with a smile, knowing that this wasn’t the way I had wanted to give him this gift. I took the box and his old worn gloves as he slipped on his new ones.
Din flexed his hands, the new gloves were perfect, soft leather, but sturdy, not too loose, but not so tight to cut circulation. He looked from the gloves to your beautiful smiling face, “Thank you, Sweets. This is … no one’s ever gotten me a gift like this.”
“No, Din. Thank you” I swallowed the nerves I was having, I had made a decision just before the wedding, and now I was wondering if it was the right one, “you have been there for me, more than anyone and this is just a small token of appreciation. You deserve a lot more, I just wanted to tell you, how much I loved working with you, Din.”
His heart dropped in his chest, “Loved?”
I fidgeted with the box in my hand, biting my lower lip, “Din, I’m not coming back to the Razor Crest”
“What? Is this because of Tersu? Did he say something?”
“No, he didn’t say anything and it’s not because of him. Well, I guess somewhat, but not really. It’s … it’s because of …” I fought back the tears.
Din shifted in his spot, his hands resting against your shoulders, “If I ever did anything to make you uncomfortable…”
“Gods! No.” I chuckled as I wiped a tear, “No, you didn’t. It’s because of me” I felt my bottom lip quiver, “I want to be a good wife, an honourable one. Tersu as you said is a good man” I felt my throat tighten, “and I don’t think I’d be a good wife if I kept working beside you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Din …” I fought back the tears as I tried to say what I needed to say, “every day since the day I met you, I have been caring about you a bit more each day.”
“What’s wrong with that? I care about you too” his hand squeezed against your shoulders.
“Not in the same way”
“What?” Din’s heart was beating too quickly, were you saying what he had only dreamed and hoped you had possibly felt.
“Din please don’t make me say it, I made a commitment to Tersu, and if I were to stay by your side, my commitment would mean nothing, simply because I … I wouldn’t be able to live up to it. I need to put distance between us. Tersu doesn’t know I’m talking to you about this, or that I even feel what I feel in my heart. I know you don’t feel the same way, and I’m not going to put you in a position where I make you uncomfortable. I may have flirted with you while I was single, while I dated him, and even while I was engaged, but now I’m married. I can’t do that to Tersu. I won’t.”
“Don’t feel the same way …” had he really given you the impression he wasn’t interested. He dropped his head against his chest, how could he have missed his chance? You were both in this situation because of him. All this time, all these months, days, weeks, years, and it was all his fault for making you think he wasn’t interested, “This is all my fault.”
“No. No, you’ve been an absolute gentleman and awesome friend, this was me. I kept trying to tell myself I needed to move on, that you weren’t interested. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t move on. Then I started dating Tersu, and I thought for sure I’d be able to move on, but still I couldn’t. You don’t deserve this Din, I’m the one who was too weak, too selfish and now … now I’m more sorry than you can possibly know, since you’re the one who has to pay the price. Regardless, of how I feel, I need to move on from you, for Tersu. I do love him, maybe not in the same way as I feel about you, but he deserves my focus now.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, Sweets” Din stood a little more, his hand trailing away from your shoulders, “We’re in this mess because it’s my fault. Because, you thought I wasn’t interested.” Din shifted till his visor locked with your eyes, he saw the expression of pure shock, “I never said anything because you always seemed so happy with him, you said you loved him, and despite how much it pained me, I couldn’t seem to walk away from you. There were so many times I was ready to tell you, I was ready to bare my heart to you.”
Din cleared his throat, as he shifted his hands trailing down your arms, till they rested on your elbows, “Do you remember the last time you got hurt so bad, I had to carry you to the med clinic, you were in surgery for seven hours this was about two months ago” he watched as you simply nodded as a tear slipped out, “I was ready to tell you then, how much I love you. In fact, I did while you were unconscious. I told you how I wanted to be the man to make you smile. To be the man in your life forever, to always be the arms that held you when you were scared, when you were sad, when you needed someone. You woke up, still trying to get oriented with where you were, I was all set to tell you, when Tersu showed up. Your face lit up so brightly when you saw him, and when he held you in his arms, you held on to him, so tightly, I realized I didn’t have a right to tell you and I knew I had to walk away.”
“Din …” all pretence of trying to stop my tears evaporated with his confession, so many wasted opportunities, so many times we could have just told each other what we truly felt.
He couldn’t take seeing you like this, he wiped the tears from your cheeks with his new gloves, he made a decision in that moment. His hand reached up to his helmet sliding it off, he could feel his own tears escaping down his cheeks, he leaned forward placing the gentlest kiss he could give you on your cheek, “Take care of yourself, cyar’ika” his hand brushed against your cheek resting against your neck, as he rested his forehead against yours, “I’ll always be here for you, if he hurts you, if you change your mind, my arms will always be open for you” he pressed his lips against your forehead, “True love will never leave, cyar’ika. I love you” he stood as the tears he was holding back, were completely soaking his cheeks, “Good bye.”
He put his helmet back on, his thumb stroking your cheek, you still looked shocked unable to utter what was in your heart.
My mouth moved a few times as I tried to find the words I wanted to say, all I could muster was his name one more time.
Din smiled at you, he knew what you wanted to say, but how could you, you just married another man, he nodded once, “I know, cyar’ika. It’s okay. Our timing was off. I wish you nothing but happiness.”
His hand trailed down your arm as he walked away, he had to leave, and he had to leave now. His heart couldn’t take much more of this, and he couldn’t hear the way you said his name again. All he wanted was to swoop you up in his arms and promise never to let you go, but he couldn’t.
I wanted to run after him, I wanted to hold his hand, as long as possible. All those moments, he never … why didn’t he? Didn’t I give him opportunities to say it? How could I not just tell him? Why did I waste so many opportunities? It wasn’t fair! How could life be this cruel? I felt as though the only thing giving me strength to stay up was knowing Tersu was waiting for me in the other room.
“Sweets” Tersu’s hand rested against your back, his concern seeping through as he saw the tears streaked your cheek, “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“I told …” my bottom lip quivered again, “I told him I wasn’t going back”
“Why? Honey, I told you, if you want to continue …”
I shook my head, Tersu was a good man, he didn’t deserve to have someone like me as his partner, he needed someone who was wholeheartedly devoted to him, and from this moment that would be me, “It’s okay. It’s just five years of a partnership …” I wiped the tears, I couldn’t lie to Tersu, and there would be no sense lying to myself, I wrapped my arms around him, burying my head in his chest, “I’m going to miss him”
“Oh honey,” he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in closer, “I know, but we can invite him over all the time. We can even make a room for him to stay in, during his down time. I know you guys are close and I would never get in between you two, you know that.”
If only he knew how false that statement truly was, how he had already gotten in between the two of us.
Din was out of my life, now and forever. He would never come to spend time with us, not as long as I was married to Tersu. My heart shattered at that moment, I lost my best friend, my business partner, the true love of my life, all because I was too scared to actually admit the truth in my heart.