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Humming. That’s all Rory wanted to focus on right now. The humming of the TARDIS as if flew across time and space. He thought if he could just listen to the machine, he’d be able to ignore his nightmares.
But he couldn’t. How could he? Now that he was alone in that bunk bed.
After some debating he made his way to the TARDIS console. He didn’t bother to turn on the lights, instead staring at the light the console itself gave off at various points and the railing to guide him to the seats. Unfortunately for Rory, he was too focused on the time column to see that someone was already sitting at the chair.
“DOCTOR!” Rory yelled as he spun 180 degrees and stumbled backwards. He had to Use both hands to grip the edge of the console to stop himself from falling. He knew he didn’t hit any buttons yet the rest of the room’s lights switched on anyway. He frantically jumped away from the console, and his eyes darted to the Doctor. The Doctor sat cross legged with his hands wrapped around his top knee. He smiled, but it was off.
“Hello Rory.” He answered energetically as he stood up. “Admiring the time column too?”
“What?” Rory asked before he looked back and forth between the console and realized what the Doctor meant. “Oh. That. Nah. Just can’t sleep really.”
“Oh? Why can’t you sleep?” The Doctor asked as he took two massive steps towards Rory. The Doctor’s face was mere inches from Rory’s but Rory could not look him in the eye.
“Nightmares.” He finally answered. The Doctor nodded as he studied Rory’s face. He then slapped his left hand on Rory’s right shoulder before doing a little spin and winding up several feet away from him at a different corner of the TARDIS.
“Not to worry Rory. You let this old, sexy thing do its thing and I guarantee we’ll get Amy back in no time at all.” The Doctor paused and continued softer, “Well, maybe a little time depending on how many favors I’m calling in.” Rory however looked the same. He was still troubled.
“Right. Well… I’ll just head back to my room.” Rory said as he awkwardly tried to leave.
“Wait.” The Doctor said sternly. Rory froze on the stairs. “Rory, you have to tell me what’s wrong.” Rory bit his lip and did not turn around.
“It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s not nothing, your wife and newborn child are missing halfway across the galaxy-“
“Which is why it’s NOTHING!” Rory yelled as he turned back to face the Doctor. The Doctor saw pain and anger in Rory’s eyes. The Doctor took a slow step towards his friend.
“Why are you upset?” He asked again. “Is it because you missed your child’s birth?”
“I told you it’s nothing!”
“Alright no, it’s not that. Is it because you couldn’t tell your wife was a ganger?”
“Just stop it!” Rory yelled.
“No, not that either. But your answer changed. Yes, why did your answer change?” The Doctor asked. Rory held his breath, hoping the Doctor wouldn’t figure it out.
“I’m going.” Rory said sternly before he walked back up the stairs. The Doctor used his position on the console to press a button and suddenly the door at the top of the stairs was locked. Rory jiggled it a few times and even attempted to kick it down, no luck.
“This isn’t funny Doctor!” Rory yelled.
“No. No it’s not.” The Doctor answered with a sad smile before walking over to meet with Rory. “You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“You’re not a therapist!”
“And neither are you.” The Doctor answered. “You’re a nurse and the last centurion. Meaning as far as the universe is concerned, we both have the same qualification for this situation.” Rory let out an exasperated sigh.
“And what qualification is that?” The Doctor looked him in the eye but not as harshly as before. Rory could see he was concerned.
“We’re friends.” The Doctor answered earnestly as he lightly placed his right hand on Rory’s shoulder and looked him in the eye. “Now please, let me help you.” Rory gave a resigned sigh and nodded.
“Fine.”
The two made their way back to the chairs and sat down. For a while there was silence.
“I won’t read your mind Rory.” The Doctor spoke softly.
“Why not?” Rory huffed. “It would save us a lot of trouble.”
”Because it won’t help. It never does with… with stuff like this.” The Doctor answered solemnly.
“Yeah… of course you’d know.” Rory answered with an uneasy chuckle.
“Rory-“
“I almost killed her.” Rory breathed. “You too. I almost killed both of you.” The Doctor stared, not sure what he meant at first. Then, it clicked.
“The acid room.” The Doctor answered. “When you and Jennifer’s ganger locked us in there.”
“When Jen locked you in there.” Rory corrected. “Or well, you and that… ganger of Amy… I just wanted to show… No, I don’t know what I was thinking…” he trailed off. He turned to look at the Doctor for sympathy, but instead his gaze was unflinching cold.
“That’s a lie.” He answered. “You know exactly what you were thinking. You said it yourself. Don’t you remember?”
“They’ve been throwing away old flesh and leaving it to rot, alive. I think the world should see that.”
“Why, when the whole factory was about to explode, did you think rotting flesh was so important?”
“I… I don’t know…”
“Don’t lie to me.” The Doctor continued sternly. “I hate liars.”
“It’s nothing honestly-“
“Rory.”
“I just-“
“Just what?”
“I just saw-“
“Saw? What did you see?”
“ME! ALRIGHT!” Rory yelled now completely out of the chair before he sank back into it. He leaned over and buried his face in his hands.
“You saw yourself?” The Doctor asked curiously. Rory nodded.
“Do you know what it’s like to wake up with the memories of another person and think you’re them?” Rory said as he dragged his hands off of his face. “To live a life thinking your memories, your face, your name, were always yours. Only to find out they’re not. And you’re nothing but a disposable machine?”
“Oh no…” The Doctor trailed off. Rory could see he understood. Still, he continued.
“When I was with Jen or well, Jen’s ganger, I thought, finally, someone who understands. I thought I could help her. That I could help her and the others be seen for who they are! They’re people!”
“Rory, that is very noble of you.” The Doctor started. “But there has to be more to this, otherwise you wouldn’t have forgotten a factory that mines acid was about to explode. What happened?” Rory was shaking now. As if he was about to explode.
“You know what they did? Those aliens or whatever, after the robots served their purpose? Recycled like they were just scrap metal. That pile of flesh… Discarded because they’d outlived their usefulness to their masters. I think… even with my memories… that was the centurion’s greatest fear.”
“So you thought if the world could see it, then they would understand.” The Doctor answered.
“Yes…”
“And that desire to prove your humanity trumped logic and reason.” The Doctor answered somberly. Rory waited a minute before he nodded.
“Twice now Doctor,” he started. “Twice the centurion nearly got Amy killed.”
“Well technically she was never in any danger the second-“
“IT DOESN’T MATTER!” Rory yelled as he jumped to his feet. “Don’t you get it? What if I do it again? What if… something triggers the centurion again and I can’t stop myself? What if next time… I lose her?” The Doctor rose to his friend’s side slowly but deliberately.
“Well to start, you have to stop thinking of them as separate.” The Doctor answered. “Before you knew they were both you, you share their memories. Now you’re trying to separate them to distance yourself from the guilt. But that’s only making it worse. You’re rejecting part of yourself, and that’s why you can’t sleep. You’re tearing yourself apart from the inside.” Rory shivered with fear.
“What do I do?” He asked. The Doctor gestured to Rory’s whole body.
“Embrace all of it.” The Doctor commanded. “Think about it. It’s all you. The memories of growing up in the massive Rome and the memories growing up in little Leadwood. You were a soldier and a nurse. Don’t ignore what you were. Because from that, you can decide who you want to be. Now, who are you?” The Doctor asked. Rory stood tall, his shoulders tenses and a fire was in his eyes that made the Doctor smile.
“I am Rory Williams. The Last Centurion.”
The Doctor clapped his hands together. “Great! Good. Fantastic. So as a Roman soldier you fought in many battles, yes?”
“Yes. Or well, I remember fighting-“
“Good! Then step 1. Let’s get you some armor. Step 2-“
“Armor?”
“Well of course. The last centurion isn’t really a centurion in his pajamas.”
“Okay… what’s step 2?”
“Step 2, we rescue your wife and child.”