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Not Cool, Man
They stopped one town away from Hawkins to fill up on gas, and even though he was higher than the Empire State Building, Argyle was glad to be out of the stifling atmosphere between El, Mike, Will, and Jonathan. El and Will almost fell over each other escaping the van, Will bolting into the service station while El went to the bathroom, and Mike remained in the van, staring at nothing.
Jonathan, who Argyle could tell was pissed at something, fumbled as he tried to put the gas pump in the van, somewhere between fuming and worry. Argyle stood next to him, flinging his yo-yo up and down as he said, “Not far from Hawkins, man?”
Jonathan shook his head, jamming the pump in much harder than he intended, almost breaking it. “A few hours, dude.”
Argyle nodded, blinking slowly. A few hours was much too long with all this negative energy.
He looked about the almost empty gas station when he heard it. A loud chime. Like from some kind of clock, like that Big Ben they had in England. Argyle turned away from Jonathan, squinting across the parking lot. Indeed, there was some clock there, chiming away. It was so out of place around here that even Argyle was surprised, and turned back as he said, “Hey, man, do you see that-”
Jonathan wasn’t there. Argyle frowned.
“Wow, Byers, way to leave me when something totally weird happens…” He looked into the van to ask Mike, but he was gone too. Looking about, Argyle realised he was totally alone.
“What is this freaky shit, dude?” he asked aloud. He was about to go into the gas station to find Will when he felt a hand on his arm, and a strange sensation, like he was transcending worlds. He looked down; it was Jonathan’s hand.
“Argyle? Hey, Argyle, man, are you alright?!”
Blinking in confusion, Argyle saw Jonathan was back. Mike was standing with them now, his eyes wide in terror.
“Woah, dude, where’d you come from? I was totally alone there!” Argyle pouted, and was surprised when Jonathan hugged him.
“You were in some sort of trance, Argyle,” Mike told him. “What did you see?”
Argyle squinted as he tried to remember. “I dunno, man, some sort of clock. And you were all just gone, it was the freakiest shit.”
Jonathan and Mike shared a look, the first one in almost two days that Jonathan wasn’t looking at Mike like he wanted his head to explode. El and Will returned, arms laden with snacks.
“What is wrong?” El asked.
“Argyle was in a trance,” Jonathan told her as Argyle lifted his hand to his nose; it was bleeding. “Saw some sort of clock.” El’s face hardened.
“Henry.”
Argyle sat on the ground out the front of Hopper’s cabin, watching as Jonathan and the others walked off into the forest, lead by Hopper and Joyce. He definitely was not going to follow; the mushrooms had kicked in and everything was changing around him.
He just stared at his hands, watching as they morphed, changing colours and blending into the environment behind them. Looking up, the trees were dancing, the sky was green while the ground was blue, and he could hear a funky tune playing.
Argyle nodded in satisfaction, lying back on the ground and staring up at the sky. The clouds seemed to be racing across the sky at a terrifying speed, flashing white, red, and black, red lightning flashing too. He was sure it was fine, his eyelids drooping as a clock chime began sounding along with the rad tune.
He wondered what was taking Byers so long, he had to try this shit. He felt his worries melt away, unbothered by the strange attitude between Little Byers and Wheelie Boy, and the supposed return of Psychic Mind Girl’s Dad from the dead. Like a dandelion on the wind, with a rad picture book, Argyle was content with where he was, even as that clock chime came closer.
For a moment, he thought he heard someone calling his name; it sounded like Jonathan. Argyle sat up, looking about, barely registering that it had gotten quite dark. Bright colours were slithering amongst the pulsing vines, and if he had a headache, he didn’t know it. “Shmackin’,” he said to himself, nodding, though the vines felt very slimy against his arms and legs.
Two of them tightened around his ankles as he heard someone calling his name, sounding closer but not quite. “Trippy,” he said aloud, looking about. “Byers? Is that you, man? You gotta see this shit, man, it’s insane!”
“ Argyle! ”
Alright, now that was weird. Jonathan sounded so close but yet not in reach. Then another voice; Mike’s.
Argyle tried to stand now, not sure what to make of what was happening. If this was turning into a bad trip, he was never trying those mushrooms again. The colours around him grew more vibrant, swirling around, and he was still nodding along with whatever music he could hear. He stood successfully, but was unable to actually walk anywhere, the vines still around his ankles.
“Hey, nature’s supposed to be kind!” he protested, trying to pull his feet free. “What is this shit, man?”
This was the weirdest trip of his life, and it didn’t help that he was sure Jonathan was nearby, calling out his name. Argyle got a foot free, yelling out, “BYERS! Hey, man, where’d you go?”
“Argyle.”
Argyle, still struggling and watching as three tiny pink dragons flew around his head, looked over his shoulder, expecting Jonathan, but instead some weird dude covered in the same vines as the ones around Argyle’s ankles. They just kept coming back every time he got free, and now they were coming around his wrists.
“Shit. Worst trip ever,” Argyle groaned. “Wasn’t planning on seeing ugly tentacle dudes, I am never trying those mushrooms again, man, what a let down.”
Ugly Dude started walking toward him. “It is time, Argyle.” He stood in front of Argyle as he continued to struggle, hoping the tiny dragons would do something, but instead they just squeaked like rabbits before vanishing in puffs of red smoke.
“Aww. Those little dragon dudes were cute,” Argyle pouted, and felt a vine around his neck, holding his head up toward Ugly Dude. “Can you ease up, man, I’m not really running anywhere.”
This guy’s eyes were creepy, and deeply unsettling. Argyle wasn’t sure what was happening anymore; this was beginning to feel too real. He wondered again where Jonathan was. He saw Ugly Dude’s hand move, up and above Argyle’s face.
Suddenly, Argyle’s van lit up brightly, flashing between green, yellow, blue, and red, and he heard the sounds of ‘Pass The Dutchie’ pounding loudly from it. Twisting his head to look, Argyle saw off in the distance a sort of portal open, surrounded by red smoke and lightning.
What he saw made his eyes widen. He was still tripping, but this was next level, exactly what they’d been told about when they first arrived in Hawkins.
He saw himself floating in the sky, Jonathan and Mike beneath him clutching tightly to his legs. “Argyle!” Jonathan’s voice was echoing. Will was near them, hands on his head as he panicked too. “Argyle, man, open your eyes! ARGYLE!”
Oh. This was real. He was dying.
Turning back to Ugly Dude, blinking blearily, Argyle mumbled, “This isn’t cool, dude. I have to go now, Byers is waiting for me.” And he punched Ugly Dude right in the middle of his face as he managed to wriggle one of his hands free and rip one of those nasty tentacles off.
He was dropped, falling hard to the ground as the vines retreated and Ugly Dude let out a grunt of pain. Argyle climbed back up and managed a half jog to the portal, yelling out, “I’m coming, Byers, I’m coming, dude, can’t take Argyle down!”
The colours and world were still swirling around him, making it harder and harder to see, but he just focused on the sound of Jonathan and Mike yelling for him, and he fell through the portal.
“ARGYLE!”
Argyle’s eyes flew open as he gasped, seeing the sky a green colour and the clouds in the shape of pasta, and he dropped, nearly crushing gangly Mike. Jonathan was there straight away, hugging him tightly as Argyle breathed hard and fast, blinking, trying to fight through the trip.
Mike was kneeling beside them, a hand on Argyle’s arm, and Will looked like he was going to pass out from panic. Argyle hugged Jonathan, patting his back, and patted Mike’s hand too.
“Man… that was insane. Definitely thought it was the ‘shrooms, dude, until that creepy guy was gonna do something bad.”
Jonathan laughed weakly, pulling back with tears in his eyes. “Glad to have you back, man, glad to have you back.”