Work Text:
"You are making no sense, Hannie. What do you mean you need to stop loving me?"
It was never supposed to be this way. They were supposed to be together, get married, have kids. Have a nice house in the city, near parks and schools and their jobs. They were endgame, according to everyone who met them. When was it that everything changed?
Jeonghan doesn't know. Doesn't remember what happened that made him think this way. That made him think that he needed to avoid Seungcheol. That he needed to forget him, to stop loving him.
"You said you just needed to get away for some days, that you needed to visit your parents. What happened? Is it someone else? Did you meet someone else?"
Jeonghan only shook his head. How could Cheol think that? How could he think that there was anyone else for him, that Jeonghan could even begin thinking about someone else?"
"Then what is it Jeonghan? Am I being a bad person? I can change, I can be whoever you want me to be. Please talk to me."
They were standing in front of Jeonghan's house. Jeonghan was still wearing his pijamas, since it was Sunday at 7 am. Seungcheol had driven all night just to come for him, to talk to him, to see him. "Stop looking away. Jeonghan, look at me."
Cheol reached out to grab Jeonghan by his shoulders, noticing the shoulder blades sticking out.
"What went wrong?"
"I-I don't know Seungcheol. Loving you is hurting me."
Jeonghan could see Seungcheol's expression now, his brows furrowed, his eyes red with sadness and fury combined.
"Hurting you? How?"
At that moment, Jeonghan's dad came out of the house, scolding them for being outside while it was snowing. Seungcheol slightly bowed and followed Jeonghan, who was shaking from the cold. His mom was making coffee and hot chocolate. Sensing the tension, both parents decided to give them more time, knowing the real reason behind Jeonghan's disappearance.
"Are you gonna say anything?"
"I don't know what you want me to say. It hurts to love you, to be with you. It just does."
"Why? Why would it hurt you?"
"I don't know and love is not supposed to hurt."
"Jeonghan, we are getting married in less than a year. Why now? Did it hurt before?"
"No, if it did I wouldn't have accepted your proposal."
"Are we breaking up?"
A silence followed, both not really knowing what to say. Seungcheol's tears quietly coming out, sliding through his cheeks. Jeonghan was curled up at the side of the sofa, his head hurting more than his heart.
"I don't wanna break up. I don't want to be away from you. I don't wanna leave you."
"Me either Cheol, but I think it is for the better."
"Would you ever tell me why?"
"When I can. I will."
Three months without seeing him. Three months of crying every night, every day. Missing him.
"Are you ready Cheol?"
"Will I ever be?"
He knew his best friend was getting married couple of months before him, before Jeonghan bailed on him. Seungcheol did not want to hate him, he couldn't even if he tried, but it hurt to think about him. Theories of what happened where always present and running through his brain. Another person, something on him that Jeonghan did not like. There had to be something, and his brain made sure to think it was his fault, no one else.
"C'mon, it's for Jihoon. If it was the other way..."
"I know, but it will never be, not anymore."
He walked out, leaving Seungkwan alone on the dressing room. They were both the assigned best man of each groom. Seungcheol had cried the previous nights, make believe images of his wedding with Jeonghan appearing on his dreams, not letting him rest. All their friends knew, but just like him, did not know the reason as to why Jeonghan decided to end things. To make matter worse, he was coming.
"God, I never ask you for anything, just let me get through this without breaking down, without letting him see me as broken as I am."
"Since when are you religious?"
He turned around, the fear and nerves evident on his being.
"Jisoo..."
"I won't say anything, don't worry. And no, he is not with me. Running late because of traffic. Seungcheol, you look really handsome, really pretty. May I ask-"
"Horrible, miserable. That is how I'm feeling, how I've been feeling."
"You know he never talks about it. If I knew, if I had a slight hint of what was it, I would tell you."
"I know."
Jisoo hugged him, a couple of tears left Cheol's eyes but he held back. Not today, he was not going to ruin his best friend's wedding.
"I miss you. Just because things happened, you are still one of my best friends."
"Don't take it personal. I haven't really left my house, except for work."
"I know, but you don't even answer to my texts." Jisoo was whining, his way of wanting to make Seungcheol laugh, and he got it. "There is it. You should never let anyone take away that smile, Cheol. Now let's go. Bet they are waiting."
The doors to the hall opened, letting Seungcheol walked the aisle, now with Jisoo's arm around his. This was not half of the way he imagine he would walk that aisle. With the best friend of the guy that broke your heart, that left you before your wedding without really explaining why. Mingyu let out a sob, which made Seungkwan elbow him.
"Shut up, they are not the grooms."
"In a couple of months it was going to be that way. You know that Jisoo was going to be the one to walk them both down the aisle."
"I know, baby. But sometimes things don't happen how we imagine them."
Jisoo stood at Soonyoung's side. It was going to be like that, five of them on his side, five on Jihoon's, and the one left, Jun, was going to officiate the wedding. No one really knows how Jun has that title, but he does.
A song started to play, making them turn around to the door, waiting for the grooms to come out, when the doors busted open.
"God, I am so sorry. The grooms are coming, sorry about that."
Jeonghan ran all the way to the front, positioning next to Jisoo, who started to fix his hair and tie.
Jeonghan.
He looked beautiful, the way his milky skin made a contrast with the all black tuxedo that Jihoon and Soonyoung had chosen for them. His hair was now black, with chestnut highlights. It got longer, Jisoo putting a strand behind his ear.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yes, just, I ran all the way from the next parking lot."
If it was anyone else, he would be sure it was Jisoo the one who separated them. That Jeonghan had fallen in love with him, with the way he treated him. But Seungcheol knew better, he knew it could never be Jisoo. He knew how the separation had broken Jisoo. The texts not stopping for at least a week, the calls being constant.
"Stop staring, Hyung. Don't let him know you are still head over heels over him."
Chan was always taking care of him, even when he didn't or couldn't.
"But I am Chan, I still love him."
"But he broke you. You know I still hold a grudge against him."
"No you don't. You just want to be on my side, but you shouldn't choose. You can still be his friend, his baby."
Chan scoffed, making him turn away from Jeonghan, intertwining his fingers. Seungcheol felt the stare, the eyes almost burning holes on the side of his face. He shouldn't turn, he couldn't. But oh how he wanted to.
The doors opened again, this time with both grooms holding hands, smiling at each other.
Seungcheol couldn't take his eyes off him. He got drunk before arriving to the reception, the bottle of soju not lasting the 15 minutes it took to get there. He was lucky that Wonwoo had offered to drive. You need to get drunk, he had told him the week before. And now, with the alcohol on his system, now he knew he was never going to forget Jeonghan. Jeonghan, who was prettier than ever. Had the separation even affected him at all? He looked fine, he looked radiant. Seungcheol, he had almost finished Seungkwan's concealer trying to cover his eye bags.
"You know he is faking it, right?"
"He is a damn good actor then. I'm fucking losing it, Seokmin."
"Want another bottle?"
"Would it really help?"
"No, but you won't remember if you do anything stupid."
A bottle of champagne was put in front of him, making him laugh out loud. He took the neck and pop the cork off, serving the flutes that were instantly placed in front of him.
"Where's yours?"
"Do I need one?" He took the bottle and downed it, taking a big gulp of it.
"Don't finish it, you haven't served mine."
He knew that voice. He could recognize it kilometers from him.
"You can get another bottle, they are free. This one is mine, could be yours but you decided to walk away from it."
Now, Seungcheol wasn't the type to get mad easily. He didn't like to get mad, much less with the people he loved. But how did Jeonghan had the courage to walk up to him, and talk to him like nothing ever happen?
"Cheol..."
"It's Choi Seungcheol for you."
He started to walk away, avoiding Jeonghan's hand that was trying to get a hold of his shirt. There was a balcony, where he decided to drink the rest of the bottle. Seoul's skyline was such a pretty view.
"You said that out loud."
"It's still true. I could never get away from Seoul, even it it hurts."
"Why would it hurt?"
"Some things hurt without there being a reason, right?"
"Cheol..."
"Uh-uh. I did tell you to call me with my full name. Cheol is not for you to say, not anymore."
Jeonghan didn't really know what to say anymore. Decided that the wind and the cars honking was enough. Seungcheol stood up, making sure Jeonghan's couldn't tell he was so, so drunk.
"You're drunk."
"And you're a coward."
"Seungcheol, let's not cause a scene. It is our best friends' wedding. You knew I was going to be here."
"Yeah, I did, but I didn't think that you would be like this. I am miserable Jeonghan! I haven't stopped crying ever since you left me, since you made me drive all the way to Seoul, to our apartment and pack my things up. And you come here and think that it is perfectly fine to talk like nothing happened? That you didn't walk away from our relationship, from our engagement. This could've been us, in a couple of months. You took all that and threw it away. Now you come here, and want me to pretend that I am fine, that nothing happened. Didn't it hurt to leave me? Did you ever loved me?" Seungcheol decided that was enough. He didn't want to say more, he couldn't. The words were getting slower, and the alcohol was not helping. He didn't want to cry, not today, not right now.
"Of course I loved you Seungcheol. I still do! But it wasn't easy, it has never been!"
"What has never been? I love you, Jeonghan. First it hurt and now you say it's not easy?"
"You think loving you was enough? I had to constantly fight for your love."
"What are you talking about, Jeonghan? Just say you never wanted to be with me. It's easy, I can accept it."
"God Seungcheol, you've always been this stubborn! I fell in love with you during sophomore year, when you were with Sojin. I had to fight that, had to fight my feelings because you thought you were straight. Then you left her because you realized you were bisexual and then fell in love with Minwoo, and I had to fight my feelings that time too. Then you were single for so long, and didn't want to see anyone and I had to fight my feelings and cried myself to sleep anytime you told me about your encounters with strangers. Then you finally realized your feelings for me. We were happy, we were everyone's dream, epitome of love."
"And then nothing made you fight for me, Jeonghan! I was only yours, I still am!"
"Everything Seungcheol! I had to fight every thought that came to my mind. Seungcheol, you are so so perfect. Anything you do, is so perfect. I am so in love with you Seungcheol, but I didn't deserve you."
"Stop, please, please tell me that you did not leave me because of that."
"Yes, of course I did. Why would you want to be with someone like me? Seungcheol, I am not a stable person. I have bad thoughts about everything. I doubt myself any given chance. You would talk about our future with so much enthusiasm, it made me scared. What if I couldn't provide that ideal future for you?"
"And you decided to just walk away, without saying anything?"
"Yes, because I knew this was going to be your reaction. You don't need to fight for me. I am the one that fights in our relationship. If I didn't break your heart, you would've never let me go and I would've ruined everything, all your plans, your future."
"Hannie, oh my god." Seungcheol started laughing hysterically. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe this was the reason that made Jeonghan walk away. "You really are so dumb."
"Excuse me?"
"You really think that breaking my heart was going to make me stop loving you? Making me stop thinking about only you? Jeonghan you are the only person I had ever thought of getting married to. You are my meant to be. You are the love of my life, Hannie. Why couldn't you just talk to me?"
"I didn't want you to let go of your plans because of me."
"Hannie, you are my future. Without you, those plans mean nothing to me."
"Cheol, I still love you."
"I still love you too. Now, are you going to accept this love and accept, once again, my proposal?"
"You still want to marry me? After everything I did?" Jeonghan's eye had a different light to them, and that is when Seungcheol realized everything was an act. He was late to the wedding because he didn't want to have time to make small talk. He was avoiding him and only talked to him for Jihoon and Soonyoung's well being. Jeonghan was miserable too, maybe a lot more than Seungcheol.
"Like I said, there is no ideal future without you in it."
They kissed, finally, after three torturous months. Jeonghan took out the small necklace that was hanging from his neck, hidden from everyone else. The ring Seungcheol had given him was dangling from it.
"You brought it?"
"I never had the courage to keep it away from me. This way it is always close to my heart, just like you."
A noise was heard from the other side of the door, opening it. They turned to glance at Seokmin, who was being dragged by Hansol and Seungkwan, earning some punches along the way. Jeonghan turned the knob, only to find the other eleven people of their group, standing in front of the door, in a line.
"It was Jihoon's idea to spy on you!"
"I swear, I'm gonna divorce you, Soonyoung."