Archive of Our Own

It has been such a long day filled with filming, playing games, and constantly having to be “on” for the cameras.

Seungmin is just looking forward to laying in bed and letting the 1000 thread count take him to dreamland where he can forget how suffocating his schedule is.

“Hyung! Where are you sleeping?” Jeongin approaches him when people start going to their rooms.

“I don’t know, I didn’t know we were choosing rooms earlier.”

“Mmm it’s either Hyunjin hyung or Channie hyung. I take it your mind is already made?” His dimples are even more prominent when he wiggles his eyebrows at him in mischief.

“I don’t know. There’s cameras in the rooms, I don’t want to provide them with incriminating evidence to use against us.”

“I think you worry too much sometimes. Allow yourself to be happy. If anything came out, so what? We’re still gonna be who we are, and we’ll always love you. I know you try to avoid him, but imagine how that feels when your boyfriend constantly denies your affection? You two need to talk before something irreversible happens.”

“I guess you’re right or whatever. Since they’re already up there they’ve probably decided, so we’ll see.”

“Don’t give me that. Even if you don’t end up rooming together, I’m gonna switch no matter what. You guys need to talk.” Jeongin suddenly quiets downs when he hears footsteps hurry from the top floor, suddenly coming down the stairs.

“There goes my answer.” He smiles when Seungmin’s face pales at the body running towards him.

“You’re sleeping with me Seungmin!” He sings excitedly while running full speed towards the young vocalist currently walking away from him.

Chan comes to a full stop when Seungmin turns around and moves away from his embrace. Clearing his throat at the sudden awkward tension

“Umm well Hyunjin said he wanted to room with Innie, but I can room with him instead so you two can be together. I don’t want to interrupt.” He looks away, not noticing the look Jeongin gives Seungmin.

“No thanks, I like the current arrangement. Have a good night hyungs.” They’re left alone in the foyer when Jeongin pats Chan’s back and walks upstairs to find his roommate. Luckily one of the few places not riddled with cameras.

“Ready to umm go to bed? We got the room with two beds, so you don’t have to worry about sharing with me.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, I just…”

“I know, you don’t have to explain yourself to me Seung. You’ve told me multiple times before. It’s okay.” He runs a hand through his hair, grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen and heading back upstairs. Leaving Seungmin in the dimly lit foyer to make his way upstairs.

Chan isn’t in their room when he makes it up there, so he lays in his bed waiting for him to return. He’s probably bothering the others or using the bathroom before bed. It’s not until after 20 minutes of muffled laughter and screams for Chan to leave someone’s room so they can sleep does he make it to theirs. Quietly taking his shirt off and turning the lights off before getting under the covers.

“Hy-“

“Goodnight Seungmin-ah.” He says quietly, back facing the younger when he throws his duvet over his head.

“Night hyung.” Seungmin feels terrible. He knows he has been a bit more stand-off-ish recently because he’s afraid of what would happen if they were found out. He doesn’t want to lose Chan or Stray Kids, yet his actions seem to do more harm than the made up scenario he thinks would happen if it were to come out that they’re together, and have been for the past two years.

The room is far too quiet for it to only be 10 pm, but it seems like Chan has fallen asleep judging by his breathing pattern. He’ll talk to him tomorrow or when they get home the following day. Now is just not a good time.

10 minutes later Seungmin is also being lulled to dreamland and he doesn’t fight it.

He’s startled awake an hour and a half later when he starts feeling like he’s suffocating. If he’s hot, Chan is probably broiling in this heat, so he gets up to turn the fan on. Only to see that he’s the only one occupying the room. He looks around and sees that Chan’s laptop is still there, so he’s definitely not secretly working again.

After some light searching, he notices a figure leaning on the heavy stones by the pool, and judging by the messy frock and bare shoulders, it can only be one person. Afraid to startle him and having him fall into the water, Seungmin slowly approaches and smiles when Chan turns towards his footsteps. He doesn’t have his AirPods in, so it was easy for him to hear someone approach.

“I hope I didn’t startle you.” Seungmin says nervously. Unable to keep contact for too long.

“You didn’t, I heard you open the door.”

“Oh. Okay.” He takes a seat across from him, unable to make eye contact or come up with something to say first. He wants to apologize, he wants to jump into his arms, and if he’s lucky he wants a kiss or two. His mouth opens and closes multiple times while he’s trying to form a proper sentence when Chan starts.

“Hey, Seungmin?” He asks so quietly. Seungmin would’ve never guessed this is the same guy who made a whole event of asking him to be his boyfriend with the help of his RACHA minions, involving a scavenger hunt all over the company that ended up in Chan’s studio where he stood with a massive bouquet of Seungmin’s favorite flowers and a bright smile asking if he would be his boyfriend.

They had gone out a few times beforehand thanks to a funny misunderstanding, and he remembered it like it was yesterday.

“ Are you free tomorrow? Do you wanna go out to dinner with me? ” Chan had asked after Seungmin completed recording the guide for Blueprint for him. He definitely meant dinner as group mates regardless of his crush on the younger, but Seungmin had misunderstood him and said yes.

“ You wan to…? Of course I’ll go out with you hyung. I’ve been waiting for you to ask. ” He jumped into Chan’s arms, confusing the older until they talked about the mishap during dinner the next day. Chan refusing to let Seungmin take it back because it is officially their first date now thanks to him. It only took 3 more dates for them to become official, and they’d been happy since. Well… that’s what Seungmin thought at least.

“I think we should break up.” Nearly breaking his neck from the whiplash, Seungmin is brought back from reminiscing to face his boyfriend. Or the man who used to be his boyfriend 30 seconds ago.

“Wh-what? Why?” He straightens up to face him.

“I don… I just. We have so much going on right now, and us being in a relationship seems to be more work that not nowadays, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore. We barely see each other anyways, we don’t really talk anymore, and it kind of feels like it’s been a long time coming. I guess deep down I’ve been trying to hold on to something that’s not there anymore, and I was delusional to think it could ever work out from the beginning. Group mates aside, as the leader I should’ve never allowed myself to be weak and put you in that position two years ago.”

“Wea…? Hyung I- I don’t know what to say. I’m… I’m really sorry. I don’t know what happened between us, but I didn’t think we were doing so bad. I’m sorry you weren’t happy, I know you have a lot on your plate, and I just add constantly on to it. You don’t have to explain yourself to me, I’m sure it was tough for you to even. Fuck ! I don’t… I don’t know what to say. How long have you been feeling this way?”

“Umm months? I guess everything isn’t meant to be forever, and we’re part of that.” His voice cracks and Seungmin ignores it to avoid crying his eyes out in front of Chan. He already has so much on his plate, he doesn’t need guilt to be added on there as well.

“Th-thank you for being honest. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it. I really enjoyed the last two years we’ve been together. You are… were an amazing boyfriend even with your crazy schedule.”

“Thanks. We did have our moments for sure.” He smiles for the first time that night, and Seungmin realizes he’s gonna have to look at that smile and not be able to pull him into the nearest dressing room and kiss him because it’s so pretty, and Chan has no business smiling so prettily at him like that.

“I’m gonna umm go. I didn’t mean to disturb your alone time. Goodnight hyung, see you in the room.” He turns around without waiting for a response and guns for the door. Chan’s broken heart going unnoticed yet again by the man he thought would be his forever.

Maybe it was immature of Chan to think that the 3rd most serious relationship he has ever been in would be his last, but he was happy. He loved Seungmin with everything he had down to the molecular structure of his heart, yet these last few months Seungmin has done nothing but pull away from him. He has never been one to miss any cues, so when they started talking less and Seungmin would go out with Jeongin and Felix more, he realized it was over. All the times they used to sneak into each other’s beds after a long schedule and be each other’s peace went away months ago. Chan does acknowledge that his work schedule has been hectic, but even when he would leave the studio he would go straight to the cuties’ dorm, only to find Seungmin’s bedroom door locked every single time. He definitely could’ve, but he wasn’t going to pick a lock just to be with someone who is clearly keeping him out for a reason. If they’re not together as a group, Chan can’t really remember the last time his boyfriend was in the same space as him for more than 10 minutes.

They held on for way longer than they should’ve, but a part of him was not ready to let go of the love of his life just yet. Even though he knows the other didn’t feel the same way.

Chan doesn’t realize he’s balled up in the fetal position until a body cages him in from behind. Then another one cages him in from the front. The two men don’t say anything, they don’t need to because they can tell that’s not what Chan needs at the moment.

After 10 minutes of awkwardly cuddling on the cold concrete, Chan stands up and brushes himself off.

“Stop trying to be strong for once and let it out hyung, I know that can’t be it.” Changbin says when he sees Chan try to school his expression and seem fine. His eyes also bloodshot from seeing his leader this way.

Jisung stands up and hugs him tightly, making Chan whimper at the embrace and start crying yet again.

“Minho hyung is sharing with Lix, let’s go to my room.” Changbin offers after the cold air becomes too much. Chan is too defeated to decline, and frankly he’s really cold right now.

Jisung makes sure to get them some waters when they make it back inside before they go to Changbin’s room. He makes the heartbroken man chug his before they all get under the covers, placing him in the middle for maximum protection.

“He didn’t even. It’s like he didn’t even care. He said he was sorry for b-being a burden and left. I mean he s-said other stuff, but nothing substantial. He apologized for interrupting my alone time and left. Two years gone just like that.”

“Despite how it ended, you did really love each other. Never forget that. I know breaking up makes us focus on the negatives to try and justify why this horrible thing happened, but don’t allow yourself to fall deep into the negativity. You two still very much adored each and every moment you were and weren’t together. You supported each other’s solo accomplishments, and we unfortunately heard y’all fuck a lot. I mean no judgement cause… y’know. But don’t let yourself forget that love when you move on.” Changbin is holding him from behind, arm under his head and caressing his hair as he speaks. He loves them both, and he doesn’t want them to ever hate each other just because things ended up this way.

“And before things get crazy, you need to have a real conversation. Sit down uninterrupted and really hash it all out. Tell him the real reason why you feel this way because maybe he could have an explanation as to why things ended up this way as well. I’m not trying to play devil’s advocate, but I’m just saying you deserve real closure.” Jisung wipes the drying tears from his face and kisses his forehead. Stretching his arms back until he reaches Changbin, pulling them both closer until all personal space is eliminated.

“We gotta go back to our rooms soon though, you know those cameras are always watching.” He says again after a few minutes of silence.

“Ugh tell me about it. That’s why Lix and I couldn’t room together, I swear these cameras ruin relationships. I didn’t sign up for this shit. I want my secret relationship to stay a secret you vultures.” Changbin protests a little too loudly until he hears Chan laugh in agreement.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“We keep filming as if nothing happened and we go home. Obviously I’m not gonna approach him or force any interaction. He always pulled away from me anyways, so it won’t be abnormal if I just stop. I’m sure some fans and he will be relieved to see me do so.” Chan releases a bitter chuckle. Maybe he was always doing too much. He can’t blame anyone else for the end of his relationship but himself. He’s solely responsible for letting things fall apart.

“How did you know I was outside?”

“I heard you cry.” Changbin says.

“At first Lix and I were talking when we heard loud footsteps and the door slam. It was Seungmin banging the bedroom door, and when I went to see where he came from I saw you on the floor.”

“He texted me SOS SOS SEUNGCHAN SOS. POOL NOW! And I came as soon as I could.”

“Oh. I’m sorry I pulled you from your relaxing time, I know I’m not easy to deal with.”

“You better shut your face right now. We’ve been together for how long? 3RACHA for life baby. If you were so difficult, I would’ve told you a long ass time ago. Allow yourself to be taken care of sometimes hyung.”

“Mmm. Changbin hyung with the word. Amen! We love you grandpa, don’t hurt alone. We’ll always be here for you.”

“Thanks guys. I don’t deserve you.”

“Sometimes. Most times we don’t deserve you. You do all the work in this relationship, we’re just the parasites who benefit from it.” Jisung smiles when he makes Chan snicker at his never ending natgeo references.

They finally part ways an hour later, and Chan tiptoes into his room to find Seungmin fast asleep with his face angled away from him. He probably looks really pretty Chan thinks when he turns the fan on and gets under his own covers.

By the time morning came, the whole group was aware of the situation, but because cameras were already rolling, they all acted as if nothing happened. Minho’s lingering hand on Seungmin when he walks past him, and Hyunjin’s small smile not going unnoticed by the singer. He’s grateful they don’t hate him, and also grateful they’re not saying anything yet. Felix cuddles him more than he usually does, and Changbin teases him even more. Jisung always joining in with every chance he gets. Chan doesn’t avoid him exactly, but he also doesn’t go out of his way to be affectionate or constantly praise him like he usually does. The one person who does avoid him though is Yang Jeongin. In front of the cameras he’s cordial, but during filming breaks he stays as far away from Seungmin as he possibly can. Seungmin doesn’t blame him in the least because he did warn him more than once that things would end terribly if he continued shutting Chan out like that.

The second day of filming concludes after some more sight seeing and an old fashioned mission game that Jisung dominates yet again.

“Can we talk?” Seungmin’s seat is next to Chan on their flight back, and he doesn’t want to lose anymore time to more misunderstandings.

“Now?” He asks in disbelief and Seungmin thinks he’s so handsome. He has always been handsome, but confused Chan has always been extra cute to him.

“No, privately. Whenever you get some free time. I know you’re busy.”

“We all are, but sure. Umm I know we have our 2kr filming this week, but I’m not free until after. Maybe when we get to New Jersey? I have a lot of meetings before then.”

“That’s okay. Let me know if you get an opening beforehand. If not I’ll see you in two weeks.”

Sometimes Chan really hates filming. On one end he’s supposed to act like he and Seungmin don’t mean anything to each other, and on the other hand they’re supposed to relive these moments they had together that were supposed to be just between them for the sake of content.

Sure their episode ended well, and a huge part of him really really missed hearing Seungmin laugh and smile at him like he’s the only person in the room, but on the other end that’s not them anymore.

They’re not crazy in love with each other, and Seungmin doesn’t secretly take care of Chan when he thinks the older doesn’t know, and Chan doesn’t openly take care of him and tell him how much he means to him anymore. And frankly, they haven’t done that in a while.

The concert was amazing, and Chan feels like he can live forever just off the adrenaline high alone. He still feels that way when he gets out of the shower and allows his hair to air dry while he enjoys his dinner with something stupid he found on YouTube playing on his laptop. He’s not really “enjoying” his dinner per say, rather he’s consuming it and allowing it to provide him with sustenance for the evening.

When his hair decides not to dry due to it’s over bleached nature, he opts to using the blow dryer and take matters into his own hands. Completely missing his phone and the doorbell ring in the process.

“Hello?” He finally hears the hotel phone ring when he finishes putting his used items up. He’s not going anywhere, so he doesn’t bother putting anything on aside from his robe. Having his own hotel room is very nice, and he enjoys being able to freely move around naked without judgement.

“Hyung? Oh! I didn’t realize you were in you room. I tried coming by earlier, and I just realized that I dialed the wrong room number.” Seungmin sounds congested, and Chan assumes it might be from all the singing and yelling from the concert so he doesn’t probe.

“I was drying my hair in the bathroom, sorry I didn’t hear your calls. Did you want something?”

“I just… umm I thought we could talk? We don’t have to, I know you’re probably tired it’s been a long day.”

“Please stop assuming what I want or what’s going on when we haven’t talked in months.” He suddenly bursts out. Regretting it immediately.

“Sorry, I di-“

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m here if you want to come by. I don’t have anything planned for the rest of the night, and I’m not exhausted in case you’re wondering.”

“Okay. I’ll be right there.”

“Love y- I... I’ll see you soon.” He catches himself from repeating a phrase that’s as natural as air to him. Of course he still loves Seungmin, but considering he ended things, it’s inappropriate of him to spring that on him. Albeit accidentally.

He runs to brush his teeth and tidy up his already clean room in panic. Only noticing he’s still completely naked in a robe when he opens the door.

“I umm. I’m sorry.” Seungmin says after minutes of awkward silence. He’s seated on the couch while Chan takes the desk chair.

“For wh… you didn’t-“

“I did. You don’t have to act like I’m not the reason we broke up.”

“It’s not your fault. It takes two to be in a relationship and two to end it.”

“But it only takes one to fuck up the greatest thing he has ever had.”

“Seung.” Chan looks up, back straight, and all of his attention aimed at his ex boyfriend.

“I think I saw it coming? I don’t know. But I promise I never did it maliciously. I always thought we can go on dates later when things calm down, we can talk later when you’re not so busy, we can sleep together when you’re not so tired. It became a vicious cycle until it all fell apart. I thought I was giving you time to recoup from always shouldering the work of the leader, producer, composer, engineer, etc. when I was making things worse. Then the cameras didn’t help. Us always having to be on all the time made me feel even worse for you so I pulled away and didn’t react to your advances regardless of how much I just wanted you to hold me all day long like you used to. I was afraid. Afraid of being found out, afraid of losing you, afraid of losing the guys. Losing it all. I didn’t want that, so I didn’t react everytime we were on camera but the truth is I missed you so fucking much. And stupid Jeongin told me multiple times to stop it, but I was an idiot and the night I thought we could patch things up I lost the love of my life. I was too late. And I’m not telling you this or apologizing because I want you to take me back, I just want you to know I never meant to hurt you and I genuinely want you to be happy. I’m really sorry for hurting you and pushing you away because I thought I knew what you needed when I clearly didn’t. No matter how in sync we used to be, I had no right doing things “for you” without actually consulting you. I will never regret any of the time we spent together these past two years. You taught me how to love and just let things happen as they should. I meant it every single time I told you I loved you, because I do. You’re the love of my life, and that won’t change anytime soon and I’m okay with it. I want nothing more than for you to be happy because out of anyone I know, you deserve it the most. It might take me a while, but I promise I won’t let what happened between us affect the group. I’ve already lost the most important person in my life, I can’t lose the other 6.”

“Seungmin.” Chan scratches his head. Almost exasperated and unknowing of where to even begin.

“Since we’re being transparent here, you’re absolutely right. 1000% correct. You hurt me, and I felt alone when I needed you the most. I’m not saying you have to be there for me everytime I have too much shit on my plate, but it would’ve been nice to come home to my boyfriend regardless of what time I end up passing out. Just having you next to me makes me feel better. I spent a lot of free nights alone yet you were constantly on your bestfriend adventures with the maknaes. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have friends, I just wish I would’ve spent my anniversary with the person I was in a relationship with. Instead of calling him and not getting anything back besides photos in the group chat of your adventures at Namisan. I know I shouldn’t have hugged and attacked you so much when the cameras were rolling, but I think a part of me felt like that was the only time I would ever get with you so I tried to make up for lost time. I know it was foolish because you have always expressed to me that our relationship is to remain between us and the guys because you don’t want anything bad to happen. I’m sorry for pressuring you to give me affection just because the cameras were on. I know my personality can be too much too handle sometimes and I’m sorry for making you feel like you’d lose everything because of my actions. I love you too. Way more than you can ever imagine. I trained for 8 years, but none of it prepared me for someone who would make me feel so many things all at once and never want to experience anything less. I really appreciate your apology, and I understand where you come from. I don’t want you to feel like you have to patch me up when I’m down, so I hope you never feel like that anymore. You and Stray Kids are my family, and you’ll always have the biggest part of my heart whether you know it or not.” Surprisingly Chan doesn’t feel like crying his eyes out right now, but he really does want nothing more than to hold Seungmin and wipe his tears away. Knowing it might be his last chance, he takes it. Standing up to approach the young singer and hug him. He’s not upset with him anymore, and he hopes they can move on and genuinely find happiness in the future.

He knows he should accept how things are now, but Seungmin is having a hard time moving on from Chan. Sure it has only been a few days since their talk, and they’re stuck in a foreign country away from the confines of their home.

Seungmin makes his first move by sending Chan breakfast almost every morning.

“Good morning,

I hope you have a great day!

❤️ KSM

Ps. I need visual proof you ate your food.” Says the note everytime. And everytime Chan texts him pictures of empty plates and a finger heart taking up half the screen.

After the third time, Chan invites him for dinner. They can’t go anywhere, but they can order in and set the table nicely for a dinner for two. They have a good time. They’ve always been okay around each other, but after their talk, things become more comfortable between them. They’re able to joke and eat peacefully without feeling like something is looming over their heads.

Seungmin makes his second move when their tour is brought to a screeching halt. After lots of fighting and pleading from Chan stating the kids are already far away from home, the least they can do is stay in contact. The remaining 5 members are secretly allowed to interact with each other and no one else. Not even the staff.

“Do you own any clothes?” Seungmin says with a smile when Chan opens the door in his robe. He wasn’t expecting him, so he hadn’t gotten a chance to get dressed.

“I do when visits are planned.”

“Boooo structure sucks. Did you eat? Good, I ordered pizza. It’ll be here in 10 minutes.”

“And if I hadn’t opened the door?”

“You would’ve had a free pizza.”

“Damn I missed out.” He jokes, taking a seat on his bed and resuming the movie he had just started.

“A rom-com really? Cute.”

“Shut up! My kids are sick, I need a pick me up. You’re welcome to leave, but the pizza joins me and my cheesy movie.”

“Too bad, the pizza and I are a packaged deal. Are you okay?” Seungmin takes a seat next to him. Head laying on his shoulder.

“Not at all. Everything is going to shit in front of my eyes. The fans are upset, the guys are sick, and I can’t do anything for any of them.” He accepts the hand that takes his and holds it. Interlocking their fingers in the process.

“I’m sure it’s hard shouldering all of that responsibility. I hope you know that you can’t do anything because this is beyond your field of expertise. It was bound to happen that someone get sick. You know Americans are stubborn, they don’t wear masks. It’s unfair to the fans who genuinely follow instructions, but these are the consequences for the others’ actions. Sure we lose 2 stops, but you have more time to sleep and enjoy more cheesy movies before your schedule gets crazy again. Just take a moment and enjoy your surroundings. The pizza is early, and we’re gonna enjoy it before we order room service snacks then you can kick me out when you feel better.”

“Is that why you came? You thought I was down and needed company?”

“Not entirely. I just missed you so I came over, but I also wanted make sure you were okay.” He moves to get off the bed when there’s a knock on the door, leaning down to give Chan a short kiss before going to answer the door. Not batting a single eye even when Chan kisses him back.

“Oh!” He finally realizes what happened.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. It was out of habit.”

“It’s fine. I’m sure it’ll take a while to get used to it.”

“Right… yeah it will.” He places the pizza on the bed and takes a seat, an inch or five further away from his original position. Except Chan moves closer instead.

“Thanks for coming. I totally didn’t want to be alone.” His hand rests on Seungmin’s thigh for the remainder of their meal. Emotions becoming more entangled the deeper they’d get into their movie and each other.

If Seungmin doesn’t come over for lunch or dinner, Chan is going to his room any chance he gets. Sometimes it’s just because, and they end up falling asleep in each other’s arms after playing games on their phones. Seungmin was right. The further Chan leaned in to enjoying each individual day, the better he felt. Everything he was missing from the past few months came back to him in the form of lingering touches and wide smiles targeted at no one else but him. Changbin told him it was dangerous, but Chan was already drunk in love, and he was okay with it.

Seungmin’s third move is a bit more subtle. It comes in the songs he sings during his solo time at the concert, and every touch or look being aimed directly at his ex boyfriend. He chooses silly songs that mean something to them like Justin Bieber’s Baby. The song Chan drunkenly sang to Seungmin the first time he told him he loved him.

It took him by absolute surprise, so if Chan cried in Jisung’s arms that night remembering how they used to be, Seungmin never has to know.

Knowing that singing Baby was a big move, Seungmin lays low for a while. He gives Chan space but still leans in to the teasing, the jokes, the lingering looks they share on stage. Absolutely wrecking whatever remains of Chan’s resolve.

“What are you doing?” Changbin is annoyed when he shows up to Seungmin’s room one night.

“What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. He’s fragile right now, why are you doing this to him?”

“I’m not doing anything to him. I love him, and I want him to trust me again. Sure we might not get back together, but I can’t give up without reminding him how special he is to me. Sure it’s like 3 or 4 months too late, but I don’t want his last memories of us to be that horrible night by the pool. I tried so hard to not lose what was around me that I lost my bestfriend. I’m not doing this to him hyung. I’m also hurting.” And Seungmin can’t help the way he cries I’m Changbin’s arms that night. Simply thanking his friend for not judging his coping mechanisms and inability to move on just yet.

They’re almost done with their tour when Seungmin gets rid of all of Chan’s pawns and takes his bishop.

Chan gets sick. Unexpectedly, he gets the flu. They’re back in Japan for a few days, and he suddenly gets ill. A part of him thinks his body had finally given up on “being strong” and allowed itself to fall apart in order to get him to rest.

Seungmin offers to keep an eye on him when he comes back from the doctor. His room is next to his, and his immune system is stronger than the rest of the guys, so he might as well.

Which is why he spends almost every night making sure Chan ate, took his medicine, rested, and smiled. Even with his voice completely gone, Seungmin still found ways to make Chan laugh and almost forget his body is attacking him from the inside.

“I can’t help thinking you’re trying to get back with me.” Chan says one night when Seungmin sleeps next to him and plays his favorite rom-com on the hotel tv.

“Not at all. If we do get back together, it’s not because I’m trying to coerce you to love me again. I just can’t help taking care of you when you forget to do so yourself. You said it yourself when we were in America, it’ll take time to get used to, and I know I’m gonna need a lot of time to get over hurting the love of my life and making him feel like shit when he’s actually pretty fucking amazing. I know I was a jerk, I won’t beg you to forgive me because people heal in their own time. But I hope you can be happy again. This tour has been amazing because we got to see our fans, but mostly because I got to see you smile at me again and nothing can beat that.”

“Please stop. I’m already madly in love with you, don’t make me kiss you while I’m drunk on cough medicine. I want to do it while I’m lucid so I can remember it.”

“Now it’s your turn to stop. Go to sleep Chan, you’re saying things you don’t mean.” He chuckles, absolutely thankful that Chan’s eyes are closed so he doesn’t see the River of tears he silently lets out. Except Chan feels every drop hit his fluffy hair currently nestled in Seungmin’s chest.

They leave Japan in a couple of days, and Seungmin realizes not only is he never going to win this game of chess with Chan’s love as his prize, he no longer cares to. There’s no point being coy about how much he misses him anymore. Their schedule is going to become even more unbearable, so this is his only chance to put it all on the line. And if he gets rejected then he knows he has no regrets.

My Seoulmate ❤️

12:26

Hyung!

12:26

Yeah, baby?

12:28

Wyd for dinner? Can I take you out?

12:28

Is my name still Seoulmate in your phone?

12:31

Relevance?

12:31

Extremely relevant

12:35

Fine… it is 🙄

Nevermind, I don’t wanna buy you dinner anymore.

12:37

Too late Seung, I’ll pick you up 10:30

12:38

I hope your voice cracks on stage

12:38

I love you too baby

12:40

I love you too hyung

And if Seungmin’s heart flutters at the way Chan keeps texting him like they’re halfway towards their third year and they haven’t been broken up for 5 months now, that’s nobody’s but his own business.

“I see your voice didn’t crack tonight” He leans in for a hug that lasts a little too long and neither one of them wants to pull away from.

“Unfortunately neither did yours. You sounded amazing tonight.”

“Flattery gets you everywhere old man. Ready to go?” He tries to hide his blush, but Chan thinks it’s cute so he pulls his hand into his as they head to the elevator, Uber already waiting for them in front of the lobby.

“Just this one time. Can I hold your hand one last time? I never got to when we were together, and I know it’s not your thing, but only until we get to the car.” Seungmin doesn’t respond, he just squeezes his hand before interlocking their fingers.

“I’m sorry.” Their food has just been delivered, so Seungmin knows they at least have 10 minutes before their server checks on them again.

“I already forgave you, stop apologizing.”

“It’s not about that. I know I fucked up, and I should stop thinking I know better when a relationship is about partnership. I’ll always apologize for that, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about this.” He reaches over the table and holds his free hand.

“I know our love languages are different, but I could be louder with mine. I wish I could enjoy this sushi right now, but I’m having a hard time thinking about the amount of times I wanted to hold your hand regardless of the cameras. I wanted to hug you back each time. There’s so much I wanted to do with and for you, I just… never properly articulated that, and I know it’s crazy coming from me. Mr. communication himself. But I think in order to properly move on I need to verbally express my regrets and everything I wish I did. And with everything you did for me, the least I could’ve done was show you affection y’know? I don’t know, I’ve just been thinking about that a lot.”

“You weren’t always like that. You used to play along and hold me back, I think the shift was more recent because it all just kind of happened in the same timeframe. I don’t need you to hold my hand in front of the cameras to feel your love. I just wish it didn’t change in real life too. I don’t care how long we keep our relationship secret as long as things don’t change when we’re alone. We can talk about what went wrong all day long, but for tonight I don’t want to dwell in the past if that’s okay with you. In case you’re wondering, I don’t hold any more grudges. I think we had a momentary upset in our relationship that happened to be big enough to end it. Despite all of it I’m really glad we’re here today. Not many exes can say they’re still friends, and I’d really hate not having you in my life.”

“Your wish is my command. I haven’t really been dwelling in the past as much as I thought I would, but that was the main thing that kept clawing at me. I thought if I did that I wouldn’t have los-“

“Seungmin.” He tightens his hold on his hand.

“Sorry, I’m done now.” He takes a deep breath and slowly releases it before smiling at Chan. He genuinely means it when he says he’s done dwelling. Although he’ll never know if Chan fully forgives him for how things played out, he knows he has said everything he possibly could.

“How are you feeling? You sound so much better than earlier.”

“I feel so much better. All thanks to you.”

“I didn’t do anything anyone else wouldn’t do. I’m just glad you’re better cause I watched your live yesterday and it sounded like you got worse.”

“Oh god you saw that? The whole thing?” He pulls his hand away to hind his face in his arms.

“Especially when you kept talking about me like you’re in love with me. Bang Chan! Your bias was really showing.”

“Shut up! You’re the one who had to sing like that. Was the song…?”

“About you? Yes. I thought that was obvious.”

“Whatever. It wasn’t even that good.” His smile says otherwise. It reaches his eyes, nearly closing them entirely. And a beautiful blush dons his cheeks as if he was born with it.

“That’s not what…”

“Let me live! Can’t I just have one dinner without pain?” He laughs at Seungmin’s constant teasing. A part of his laughter is because of how happy he is that they’re back to annoying each other (with love)

Chan is not a drinker, so he knows it’s not because of the one sip of wine Seungmin convinced him to try because “it’s absolutely delicious” yet here he is watching the younger’s every move with so much adoration but he wonders if it ever… left? Even when he was writing heartbreak songs that’ll never see the lights of day, he still thought everything about his boyfriend was unbelievable. He’s still not sure how they ended up here, but he thanks every higher power to ever exist for allowing him the vision to make Seungmin part of the team after one short meeting 5 years ago.

The rest of the dinner is spent reminding them both how things used to be, and unbeknownst to the other, they really want to feel like this every day again. What will it take for Seungmin to stop sulking and ask Chan the one question he had promised he wouldn’t ask to selfishly have his boyfriend back? Chan on the other hand is afraid of heartbreak. He always has been, so it’s not a new fear Seungmin suddenly unlocked, yet even though every particle in his body is telling him they need to get back together… the 0.09% that is telling him that he’s just looking to break his own heart if he goes back keeps winning.

Still wanting to stay out and enjoy the beautiful summer night, Chan keeps finding things to do even though it’s nearing 1am and they have another show later that night.

After dinner, they go sight seeing in Tokyo and decide to call it a night after some delicious ice cream. It’s almost 3:30 when Chan walks Seungmin to his room (which is literally next to his, just closer to the elevator.)

“Thanks for walking me to my door.” Seungmin smiles, back leaning against the door panel, not really wanting to part ways yet.

“Of course baby. I wanted to make sure you got home safe.”

“I know you don’t sleep, are you… do you wanna come over? Maybe watch a movie?”

“As much as I’d love to, I should really go. I have a meeting before soundcheck at 12.”

“No worries, maybe another time.” Either he’s going crazy, or Bang Chan keeps getting closer. Which is something he doesn’t want because nothing is keeping him from grabbing his shirt and kiss him until they’re both gasping for air.

“Bang Chan.”

“Yes?”

“Are you getting closer to me?” It’s a stupid question really, because now their pelvises are practically meeting when they were nearly a meter away when they first arrived.

“I am. Is that okay?” Seungmin can practically feel Chan’s breath against his skin at this point. His resolve completely dissipates, and he promises himself he’s not going to regret what happens next.

“Only if you’re okay with me kissing you.”

The way Chan’s eyes droop tell him everything he needs to know before he leans down and kisses him. Hand coming up to hold the back of his head in position when he feels Chan’s warm hands slide under his shirt to grip his waist. Holding him as close as imaginably possible.

After all the nights that Seungmin spent remembering the way he used to touch him, hold his body against him, or feel his soft lips against him, they could never match up to how Chan feels right now. Almost as if this is their first kiss ever, he sighs deep into Chan’s mouth when said man’s tongue slips between his lips and deepens it’s exploration. An expert with his tongue and hands, Chan has Seungmin gasping for air in minutes. Pulling away momentarily to let him breathe when he suddenly picks the younger up and wraps his legs around his waist.

“Seung…” He breathes out when he feels him start kissing and lightly grazing at his neck, not wanting to leave any marks that’ll show up on camera during their show. Seungmin has known everything about Chan and what makes him tick for the past two and a half years, so he pulls away from his neck when he hears the way Chan calls his name. Immediately reattaching their lips per the unspoken request. They both release blissful sighs in unison feeling as if they’re tired travelers who have finally made their way home after years of being away. In retrospect, it is true to an extent. Chan is Seungmin’s home, and he wants nothing more than to come back home to the love of his life. Chan feeling the exact same way for this tall slender man currently trapped between his body and the wall. Somehow making their way towards Chan’s room without realizing their making out had caused so much movement.

“The fact that you woke me up is insane. Go to your fucking room… hyungs.” Jeongin adds the last bit belatedly after roughly opening his door across Chan’s room and warning them to stop making noise in the hallway.

“Sorry.” Chan pulls away to respond and Seungmin is too far gone to acknowledge his friend. Tucking his head in Chan’s neck in embarrassment instead. He just meant to give him one kiss, he wasn’t expecting them to make out and move against the hotel walls with such aggression and need that 15 minutes went by unnoticed.

“I should… I should go.” Chan says trying not to giggle at the way Seungmin keeps kissing his neck. Now too shy to face him.

“Okay.” Comes out so timidly Chan thinks moments like this make Seungmin the cutest human being to ever exist, and he wants nothing more than to continue teasing him and seeing how red he can get. Except it’s nearing 4am and he genuinely needs to sleep.

“I- umm… can I see you again?” He finally asks after Chan sets him back on the floor. Holding on to his waist when Seungmin sways to get his balance.

“Of course baby.” Chan makes sure to kiss his lips with each word he says.

“Okay. You sh- you should go now.” Seungmin looks down, unable to make eye contact with the smirking man. He can hear the amusement in his response, and he wants nothing else than to push him away and hide in his room, but Chan anticipated that, so his grip on his waist tightens.

“You too. I’ll see you tonight baby.” He plants a few kisses on Seungmin’s cheek before lifting his chin from the floor so they’re facing each other.

“Can I take you out tomorrow? I don’t want any confusion like the first time we went out years ago. This is a date date as in I wanna take you on a date and hopefully walk you home and kiss you goodnight before texting you “I made it back safely and I had a great time with you.” Type of date.”

“Our rooms are next to each other hyung.”

“Relevance?”

“None, unimportant.”

“That’s what I thought.” He smiles at how deep Seungmin’s blush seems to keep getting.

“What do you say? Can I take you on a date Kim Seungmin?”

“I would love that very much.” He tries to keep his nonchalant attitude and decides to throw it all away to wrap his arms around Chan’s neck and kiss him one more time. There’s no point trying to act strong when he finally got a second chance to be with his favorite person yet again. He’s not being an idiot and fumbling it this time around.

“I can’t wait. See you at the venue later.” Chan pulls away completely and takes a step back. Not wanting to get tempted yet again.

“Good night/morning.”

“Good night/morning to you too beautiful.”

“Uhh okay bye.” Seungmin nearly hits his head on the wall when he turns around to find his door and hide in the confines of his four walls where he’s safe from Chan’s flustering advances.

“Cute.” He chuckles before retreating to his own room and excitedly flopping on his bed and tossing around.

Their second night of the the concert is almost just as amazing as Seoul day 1, and Chan swears he could live off this type of high for the rest of his life. Now that his body has somewhat fully recovered, and his relationship seems to be back on the rise, and aside from Hyunjin none of his group mates are sick or hurting anymore. Things are great!

“So? Are you gonna tell me what happened earlier?” Jeongin teasingly approaches Seungmin on their way off stage. Felix noticeably slowing down his walk to join in and absolutely not expecting the conversation to go…

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you and Chan hyung Damn near fucking in the hallway at 3 in the morning after your long ass date.”

“They what?” Changbin and Jisung had gotten curious by the time they all make it backstage to their dressing room.

“I thought the hotel was haunted. I’m so glad it was just you.” Hyunjin smiles, heavy sigh coming out soon after. And Seungmin panics because what is he supposed to say about the events from earlier when Chan is nowhere to be found? Probably talking to someone from Div1 or the stage crew before joining them.

“It wasn’t a date. And it wasn’t that long. We hung out for a few hours.”

“Almost 6 hours in the middle of the night, but sure I’ll let it go.” Felix instigates, and now 6 men are sitting around Seungmin taking over the couches and each other’s laps to be nosey.

“We talked about what happened and then he banned me from bringing it up again and we just… had fun. It was nice to see him look at me like he still lo- I don’t know, it’s silly. We went sightseeing all over and ended up at a late night amusement park before we got ice cream and came back. That’s when he- maybe I kissed him? I don’t remember, but he made the first move. It was… it was nice.” He doesn’t even notice his wide smile when he starts thinking back to it all. Hyunjin not missing the opportunity to take a picture of his fond smile.

“I just. I don’t know. He makes me happy, but I’m afraid I’ll do it again. I don’t know if I was ever a good enough boyfriend to get a second chance, and as much as I want one, it feels selfish to do so.” His smile disappears when he remembers he’s supposed to go out with Chan tomorrow, and he’s not sure it he wants to put him through the potential heartbreak again. He can’t be responsible for Chan’s distrust for love. He loves all things romance, and he can’t ruin it for him again.

“Let me get this straight.” Minho suddenly chimes in. He usually keeps his advice vague and 1on1, so everyone tunes in to what he has to say.

“You realize what you did wrong for things to end the first time, and you’ve apologized for it an annoying amount of times. Chan has then forgiven you for it, and you’ve been happier in the last couple of months than I’ve seen you in a while even without a title. You “hang out” last night and get back 6 hours later only to make out for 20 minutes in the hotel hallway that has cameras all over aka your biggest enemy, and he wants to give you another chance, and you WANT another chance, but you’re not gonna take it?”

“I didn’t say I’m not gonna take it. I just don’t want things to go well for another 2 years and then I fuck up again. He’s cute and a hopeless romantic, I don’t want to ruin love for him.”

“And you think that you’re this unredeemable asshole who goes around hurting people and working to fix what you did only to do it again? So what about tomorrow? Are you not gonna go?” Changbin asks. Eyebrows raised with information that others clearly didn’t have.

“Right! Chan hyung aside, why did you say yes to tomorrow?” Jisung asks. He knows the answer, but Seungmin tends to forget sometimes so needs to remind him.

“Because I was caught up in the way he kissed me and made me feel like we could be happy again. Of course I want him back, but wouldn’t that complicate things?”

“You dumbass.” Hyunjin is the first one to say what everyone is thinking but didn’t want to express.

“Wh-?”

“No! Listen to me you idiot.” He stands up and suddenly points at him. He usually tries to stay calm and out of other people’s relationships, but he has alphas enough of his friend treating himself this way.

“I don’t know what the fuck made you believe you don’t deserve to be happy, but Chang hyung is not some ditzy idiot who allows people to come in and break his heart willy nilly. If you’ve thought about what would happen if you get back together 5 times, he probably thought about it 25. He has so much more shit that he can lose or that can be affected, us included, but he still knows he’s human and he deserves to be happy on top of the other shit in his life. Life isn’t just about existing and following your dream. Your heart and your dick tell you you’re still in love with this man, and you never stopped even when you broke up. So why in the actual fuck do you refuse to face the fact that we all wouldn’t be trying to knock some sense into you because you’re an idiot if you two idiots aren’t meant to be? Use those gonads of yours and go on that date tomorrow, and if you don’t have fun, I will fight you. Actually, that’s subjective. If the date is horrible that’s different, but stop making yourself to be this bad guy that you’re not. You think you wouldn’t be worth risking it all for? Why? Why? Tell me why right now?”

“I don’t kn-know. I just. If I was that great of a boyfriend I wouldn’t have fucked it up in the first place.”

“Giiiirl if you don’t miss me with that shit. You’re telling me good people should know everything and never make mistakes? Do you hear yourself? I say this out of love, but fuck you for real Seungmin. You’re hurting yourself for no reason when all 7 of us constantly tell you you deserve to be happy. We must be idiots then huh?”

“No I don’t. Yo-You’re not idiots.” He pouts, Hyunjin’s words stinging and tearing his pride apart.

“Okay, that’s enough. We can’t gang up on him like this.” Minho finally pushes Hyunjin to sit back down. Reaching over to wipe Seungmin’s tears away.

“Look, I hope you don’t feel like we’re attacking you. We genuinely love the fuck out of you, and for someone who has been a big part in making us all better people one way or another, you should think about what you want for a change. Shit happens, people learn from their mistakes, and they move on. I’m sure it’ll take time for you to forgive yourself, but don’t let that fear keep you from experiencing something that could last a lifetime. You two make me sick when you’re together being mushy and in love, but it’s a good kind of sick. Like when you know you’re lactose intolerant but you ate the entire casserole of Mac n Cheese and now you have to shit for hours. That pain is worth every bit of the delicious goodness. You’re the Mac n Cheese, Seung.”

“That is a very disgusting analogy, why would you say that?” Jisung contorts his face making the others laugh. He decides to go sit in Seungmin’s lap and hug him.

“At the end of the day, we’re just bystanders. Whether you go on that date tomorrow and allow yourself to be with the dude you’re madly in love with or not is none of our business. As long as you know it’s a decision you can live with for the rest of your life, and will not regret 10 years from now when Chan sends you a wedding invitation that could’ve said your name instead of some ugly replacement.” He tightens his hug and decides to suffocate his friend instead of letting him cry again.

“I can’t breathe. Move Ji!”

“Okay. I was just simulating what you’ll feel like without Chan in your life.”

“Why are you all so hell bent on us getting back together? Shouldn’t you be upset with me?”

“For what, being human? You’re not some all knowing robot Seung. Even Lix and I broke up before, everything isn’t always as it seems.” This seems to take everyone by surprise. Everyone thought Changbin and Felix were the perfect couple, they would’ve never guessed that at all.

“Gasp! What happened!?” Jisung finally stops harassing Seungmin and looks at Changbin to see if he was lying.

“It’s true. We broke up for like 2 weeks then he came crawling back. I’m talking snot nosed begging and 5 dozen roses in his arms. The man was a mess.”

“It wasn’t that bad! Sure I cried, but I didn’t have snot dripping down my face like that you dramatic beast.”

“See what I mean? I’m breaking up with you.” Felix chuckles, laughing when Changbin pulls him close and turns on his cute voice.

“Too bad, you’re not allowed to leave me. You’re my baby for life.” He attacks his face with kisses until Felix gives up and slumps against Changbin’s body. He pretends he doesn’t like it, but the butterflies in his stomach say otherwise.

“I’m not saying anything because you already know how I feel. Just know this… even if the cameras catch you smiling lovingly at your boyfriend, or on another secret date. We would never leave you if shit hit the fan. We’re a family for a reason, and family doesn’t let each other suffer in silence. Whether you beg Hyunjin hyung and I for fashion advice for your date tomorrow even though I already have a look in my mind, it’s up to you. He’s not gonna hate you if you decide not to go, but he will be hurt if you keep doing this to yourself.” Jeongin finishes softly and realizes Chan and their manager are walking into the room they’re in.

“I don’t know what to say. Thank you for being you. All of you. Especially you.” He points to Hyunjin who winks at him and smiles cutely. They’re all right, he has nothing to be afraid of anymore.

“Anyone else still stuck on this changlix breakup? Cause I wanna know what the fuck he did to sunshine Felix.”

“Changlix did what?” Chan asks with wide eyes when he approaches. Standing behind Seungmin and running his hand in his hair. Completely missing the way he quickly wipes his tears away.

“We broke up like 2 years ago. It’s no big deal, I just… he ran into an ex from before skz and she made it seem like we were back together. She literally told him “thank you for taking care of my oppa” and then showed him an old video of us kissing when I just so happened to have my hair dyed a similar color to my God’s menu hair. He asked me who she was and I panicked because I hadn’t heard her name in ages. She had cheated on me and it was a messy breakup, so I clammed up when he asked which…”

“Made you look guilty as fuck.” Chan nods when he starts understanding. His hand still moving in Seungmin’s hair, massaging his scalp ever so gently.

“Yup. We never really talked about exes when we got together, so hearing her name again brought back unwanted memories and I shut down. He finally let me talk to him after 2 weeks of begging for his time. Let’s just say, unholy things happened that night that still give me goosebumps to this day.”

“Yeah it was interesting. I’m surprised you guys didn’t notice, I literally baked shit for a week straight.”

“Ohhh so Changbin is the reason I gained 3kg that week? You bastard!” Chan chucks his empty water bottle at him making everyone laugh before he notices a voice missing.

“You should probably stop doing that, your boyfriend is falling asleep.” Jeongin points to Seungmin who’s eyes are already closed with his head leaning back on the headrest. Minho not missing the opportunity to take more sleeping pictures for his collection.

“Nooo don’t stop. Come back.” He pouts when the hand moves away.

“Wake up baby. At least wash your face before you sleep.”

“Ion wanna.”

“Don’t care what you want my love, get up.” He waits for Jisung to move and Seungmin to stand up before they go find the makeup artist for cleanser and head to the bathroom.

“Are you okay?” Chan helps him put his headband on before he starts washing his face, Seungmin pausing to make eye contact through the mirror.

“I am. Not gonna lie I was worried about tomorrow, but I don’t think I am anymore.”

“Why, what was worrying you?” His hand reflexively moves to run up and down Seungmin’s back.

“I didn’t know if I was someone worth seeing again y’know? Of course I want nothing more than to hopefully get back together, but I couldn’t help thinking if I was such a good partner I wouldn’t have fucked it up the first time.” He starts massaging the cleanser into his face without breaking eye contact

“And how do you feel now?” Chan’s hands continue to rub his back when he asks

“I think I should stop being so overly critical of myself as if mistakes don’t happen. Plus you’re a grown man who makes decisions for a living, I’m sure you know better than I what’s at stake.” Chan waits for him to rinse his face and start applying some moisturizer before he starts speaking.

“Seungmin. All I’m hearing is overly analytical bullshit. Not once have you told me why you were having doubts pertaining to your actual feelings for me.”

“That’s cause there are none. My entire body and soul wants nothing more than to be with you. I guess because I’m feeling so much, my brain is working overtime to tell me no.”

“Your brain sounds stupid.” He chuckles, leaving a kiss on Seungmin’s neck.

“Look. I don’t want you to do anything that’ll have you constantly fighting with yourself. All I know is I miss you, and I want to be with you. Everything else can come later. But at the end of the day, I’d never be comfortable going out with you if this is how you feel. Why don’t we hold off on tomorrow? We can talk or not even see each other if you want, but I want to do what you want. Whether that’s going on a date or fully acknowledging and coming to terms with us never getting back together.”

“Can I take the night to think about it?”

“Absolutely baby. Take as much time as you need. I’m not going anywhere besides my room and ordering a bunch of food because I’m starving. Are you ready to go?” He gets a nod in response and they head back to meet the rest of the guys to get back to their hotel.

Seungmin completely forgets to eat when they make it back to their hotel, passing out almost instantly. It’s not until 1:30 when he wakes up starving and decides to order something to eat. Knowing Chan will still be awake working or stressing about something, he orders it to be sent to his room instead. Knocking on the door 30 minutes later.

“How did I know you’d still be awake?” He smiles when the door opens.

“Because no one knows me better than you do. Not even I know sometimes.”

“I see you still don’t own any clothes.” He jokes when he notices Chan’s robe.

“Shut up, I’d show you my array of clothing attire if you’d show up at a more reasonable time. Or at least a heads up 5 minutes before you show up.” Chan leans against the doorframe in amusement. He’ll never be able to look at Seungmin with anything other than pure adoration.

“Wait, I forgot something.” He runs back to his room and emerges two minutes later with a matching robe on.

“That’s more like it. Come here.” Chan moves aside to allow him into his room and lock the door.

“You fell asleep as soon as we got back and now you’re hungry right?”

“How did-?”

“You’re not the only one who knows their partner inside out.”

“You suck!” He gets closer to Chan and kisses him. It’s not short enough to be a peck, but they don’t make out. He just places a had on Chan’s face and kisses him. Pulling away right before the doorbell rings.

“I didn’t want to eat alone, so I figured I’d come bother you while you work.”

“Of course you did.”

Chan is sitting against the headboard with his laptop and headphones while Seungmin sits next to him. Feet thrown against Chan’s, watching his new favorite crime show on the tv practically inhaling his ramen, pork cutlet, and steak platter. Occasionally bringing his chopsticks to Chan’s lips who always opens without question. Seungmin isn’t even 10 minutes into the 3rd episode when Chan closes his laptop with a smile.

“Done?” He gets a nod in response.

“Our album is officially done. I just need to record demos when we get home then it’ll be ready to send for approval.” He lets out a sigh of relief because now he knows he can actually rest until they start recording in September.

“Damn really? That’s amazing, congrats baby. Wagyu to celebrate?” He lifts up a piece of meat to his lips, smiling when Chan basically inhales it and reaches for more.

“Thanks. I think you being here helped, but I’m not in the right state of mind to be questioning anything.”

“Fair enough. You must be so tired, I’ll finish this in my room.”

“Don’t move a muscle. I want you to stay. Also your food is good so I want to steal it.” He allows the younger to feed him while he begs him to start the show over because he also wants to know who killed Tim Kono. And maybe this can be their show now, now that season two is coming out soon.

“We have the day off, for once I’m not stressed about going to sleep.” Chan runs his hand up and down Seungmin’s leg without realizing how high he’s getting until he feels his hand graze Seungmin’s hip bone, who definitely doesn’t have anything underneath. Stopping his movements but keeping his hand on his thigh when he realizes.

After cleaning up their used plates, Seungmin comes back to Chan’s bed and opts to straddle his lap instead. Wrapping his arms around his neck and laying his head in the junction between his shoulder. Chan pausing the show when he sees that neither of them are watching now.

“Wha-?”

“Shhh let me think.”

“Okay.” The arms around Seungmin’s waist tighten themselves before their owner softens into the embrace and allows Seungmin to lean sideways until they’re laying down holding each other.

“I’m sorry.” He kisses him.

“I forgive you, I promise.”

“You’re my favorite person in the entire world.”

“So are you baby.”

“I love you. So fucking much. I felt like I couldn’t breathe when we broke up. Potentially not being with you was the worst idea my brain ever thought up. I hope that date is still up for grabs because I am seriously in love with you, and I don’t see how I could ever live with myself if you sent me a wedding invitation in 10 years and my name isn’t after yours.”

“Did Han Jisung say this to you? He loves that’s stupid wedding line I swear.”

“Yeah.” He smiles “it was him. But he’s right. I wanna elope to Australia and secretly get married because Korea sucks and we can’t do that here.”

“Me too baby. I love you too y’know? So fucking much and I felt like an empty shell when we broke up. Even though I ended things I felt like I wasn’t in my right mind. Maybe things could’ve gotten better if we didn’t break up. I had a million thoughts in my head, but the main one was always how much I love you.”

“As horrible as it was, I don’t know if we would’ve gotten here if you didn’t break up with me. They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, and now that you’re not mine anymore I can’t help thinking I never want you to go through that again. I can’t promise a perfect relationship, but I can promise to never let things get this bad.”

“I believe you. I believed you after your first sorry. You don’t have a malicious bone in your body. You agonizing over this so much is just the first example why. Now that you’re done apologizing, what does this mean? Do I have my baby back?”

“You can call me Chili’s cause you’ve got your baby back.”

“Ughh I almost threw up on you. Stop with the disgusting dad joke-like puns.” Chan gags and moves to properly cradle his non-boyfriend boo.

“As much as I love this position, I need to go to my room and brush my teeth.” Seungmin says when he feels food stuck in his braces.

“No need. I was hoping you’d come spend the night one day so I’ve kept an extra toothbrush, floss and mouthwash for you just in case.”

“You did all that just for a 2 night show?”

“Of course not. I’ve been carrying them since our first show in Kobe, all the way through the American tour.”

“Imagine other people don’t have Chans in their lives. I hate that for them.”

“Me when I think about Kim Seungmin.”

“Eww gross. I’ll be back.” Chan ends up joining him and brushing his own teeth as well just in case they end up making out. No other ulterior motives on his mind.

“Do you want something to wear? I don’t know how comfortable you are being naked around me.”

“You’ve had your tongue in the depths of my asshole, I am not worried about being naked in front of you hyung.”

“Just making sure, y’know? I know breakups can make things awkward sometimes.”

“I know. But are you comfortable? If not I’ll take some shorts.”

“It’s okay with me. I just know when morning comes, things happen and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“You’re thinking too much baby.” He finishes his routine with the mouthwash. Turning around to kiss Chan’s temple and walk out of the bathroom. Untying his robe in the process knowing he’s being watched.

“I missed this the most. I always toss and turn when I know I don’t have the option of coming to you.” Just like the old times, Seungmin is nestled in the crook of Chan’s neck, halfway laying on top of him and drawing random patterns on his body.

“Same. I miss coming to your room after a long session and you just move around to wrap yourself on me without opening your eyes as if it’s second nature for you.”

“I’m always amazed when you say that cause I never remember any of it. I just wake up to you kissing me and everything is okay again.”

“As it should be.” Chan already feels his eyes close just from the pressure of having Seungmin lay on top of him. He finally feels at home.

“Gross, stop!” Seungmin whines when morning comes and Chan keeps kissing him all over his face and neck. Who for once actually listens and stops his movements.

“Wait, why’d you stop?” Seungmin finally opens his eyes to see Chan hovering over him watching him fondly.

“What?”

“Nothing. I just think you’re beautiful.” He leans down and plants a kiss on him, Seungmin pulling him back down for a proper kiss. Chan’s hand slides down from Seungmin’s face to hold his hip, pulling him as close as he physically could. His leg slipping between Seungmin’s when he throws his over Chan’s waist. The older not missing a beat when they pull away for air, making sure to resume kissing Seungmin’s face and neck.

“That’s one way to wake up.” Chan says when he lays back down, letting out a small laugh when Seungmin sighs blissfully and crawls on top of him.

“Mmm. Good morning baby.”

“Good morning to you too honey.” He holds Seungmin tighter when he checks his phone and notices it’s only 8am.

“Do you have any plans for the day?”

“Nope! I plan on sleeping in until my date later. Do you actually have the day off or you have some type of meeting or schedule briefing that you have to deal with?”

“I’m actually off today.” Chan laughs because even though Seungmin is joking, it has been true more often than not. As the leader, he usually only gets a day off when they have more than 2 consecutive days off.

“Shut up! Really?” He lifts his head up in surprise, crossing his arms on Chan’s chest and resting his chin on top.

“Don’t be so surprised, you’re why. I had to finish the album before we got back so I can have the demos done before we have to film ISAC.”

“Seriously? So you have to get demos recorded, mixed, and mastered in 3 fucking days?”

“The hard life of a producer.”

“Do you need my help?”

“Yes and no.”

“You would really like me to record, but you don’t want to bother me on my days off.”

“Precisely.”

“And what would I do on my day off if you’re not there?”

“Literally anything else. You can go shopping w/ Jeongin or just wake up at 5 everyday.”

“Or you can go to dinner with me after our session.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Okay… so anyways, what are we doing today?”

“Whatever you want baby.”

“I know you already have something in your mind, What are we doing today?”

“Originally I was going to take you to dinner, but now that I get to have you all day, I thought we could get a boat and experience Chidorigafuchi? Maybe do some proper sight seeing then we’ll go to lunch wherever you want. I know we’ve been to Japan countless times, but we never got to actually visit a lot of places.”

“That sounds fun hyung. I trust you, I can’t wait. What time do we leave?”

“After we go back to sleep and wake up again.” He kisses his temple and runs his hand up and down his back, already feeling drowsy himself. It might be the exhausting schedule, getting over his flu, or just having Seungmin here, but Chan is ready to spend the rest of his morning in his dreams.

“Why don’t we do late afternoon? Let’s sleep some more.”

Getting to see the remnants of all the spring flowers belatedly fall after the rest, and appreciating a nice view with his almost-re-boyfriend, Seungmin really felt like his mind was clear for the first time in a long time. Although they’re in view of other people, them being on this paddle boat by themselves reminded him of how much fun they used to have together. Sure the midnight dates and the masked outings were fun, but he also really loves just being with Chan and appreciating their surrounding without worrying about being found out. The person he’s with is worth billions more than any public’s potentially negative opinion, and he’s finally okay with it now. He even sneaks a few kisses when they make it to Sky Tree Tower and take in the beautiful view after their late lunch.

“Woah we’re in public Seung.” Chan backs away the first time he kisses him after falling for it and reciprocating before he realizes what’s happening.

“Sorry, I got carried away. I just thought you looked pretty with this view behind you.” He walks away with a bright blush on his cheeks, Chan immediately pulling him back.

“So do you baby.” He leaves a short kiss on his cheek. “As much as I loved every second of it, what made you kiss me?”

“A certain cat butler constantly told me to stop caring so much about how other people choose to see me, and I feel like I’m finally learning from him. Sorry for attacking you so suddenly.” Chan pulls him back into his arms and kisses him properly. Not giving a single care in the world what happens now. Sure it might be prematurely thought out, but he has no regrets.

“That’s okay baby. I don’t care what anyone who isn’t Kim Seungmin has to say. I hope it’s okay that I kissed you back.” He says after pulling way.

Since they barely made it at the cutoff- two hours before closing time, there weren’t that many people in the tower. And if they do see other people, they’re mostly foreigners who probably have no clue who they are.

“Perfectly okay.” Seungmin takes his hand and continues basking in the beautiful night sky over 2,080 ft above ground. Not missing his chance to take a few pictures for his bubble later, and some personal ones of his beautiful ex (for now) to cherish forever.

He doesn’t miss his opportunity to kiss Chan yet again when their tour ends, and they’re on their way back down the long elevator ride. Both appearing breathless and kissed out when the doors finally reopen.

“Damn Seungmin! If I didn’t know better I’d say you’re trying to seduce me.”

“Shut up! I’m not. Your lips just happened to be a little dry asking me to kiss and nibble on them for moisture.”

“Oh so you were doing my dry ass lips a favor?” Chan swears he’s always amused when Seungmin opens his mouth. The ability to make Chan’s day no matter how shitty or angry he feels has always been a talent only he possesses. Even if he’s not speaking, he’s still his favorite person.

“Absolutely! Just a public service.” Seungmin grabs his hand in his, interlocking and swinging them as they walk to meet their ride.

“And here I thought you were trying to get me off the market. How unfortunate.”

“Mmm I don’t know if you’re my style, I don’t like men who have pretty laughs.”

“Ahh that’s why I can’t date you? Ain’t that some shit.”

The trip to the restaurant is not far, only 20 minutes of mild conversation and hand holding before they realize they’ve already arrived. Although it’s 9pm and they close in an hour, Chan had already rented it out for an additional 4.

“Care to explain?” He has a smirk on his face when realization hits, but it quickly turns shy.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Chan looks away when they get seated and their drinks are brought up. Menu already selected in advance.

“I just wanted to know, but you don’t have to. Actually it might be better for me if you don’t say.” As a new habit he subconsciously does, Seungmin reaches over and holds Chan’s hand in his.

“You’d rather I don’t tell you the truth? Why?”

“Because it would mean you booked this restaurant before we broke up and never canceled the reservation because deep down you hoped we’d get back together before today. Which is your only *confirmed* free day before what’s supposed to be our 1000th day together.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” He grimaces at how well Seungmin can read him even after months of separation. He tries pulling his hand away, but Seungmin holds him tighter, intertwining their fingers before he tries escaping again.

“Not at all. I think it’s just as beautiful as you are. Ever the hopeful romantic, I’ve always loved that about you.”

Once their appetizer arrives, the time they spend together starts blurring. In one moment they’re receiving their drinks, soon after they’re sharing a dessert with Chan nearly needing stitches from how funny Seungmin can make any situation.

“I had a great time today Seung.”

“Me too hyung. Thank you for not canceling the reservation.”

“And thank you for coming. You’re always a fun date.”

Not wanting to get back yet they decide to walk around the beautiful area their hotel was located. Sightseeing until they were starting to get tired.

“I can’t wait to go home and lay in my bed for the next two days.”

“Touring is really fun, but I have to agree.” Chan feels himself become bolder when they step into the hotel. Holding Seungmin tight when they get into the elevator.

Feeling even bolder himself, Seungmin decides to kiss him and boldly moving down and leaving a dark mark on Chan before pulling away and letting him embrace him.

Since they’re leaving in the morning, Seungmin can’t spend the night again because he needs to pack and double, triple check that he left nothing behind. Hence why they find themselves in front of Seungmin’s room yet again.

“Good night baby, I’ll see you in the morning.” Seungmin pulls Chan into a searing kiss wanting to feel any and every part of him. He smiles when Chan pushes him against his door, pulling his leg up and around his waist.

“Ohh hyung!” He moans out when Chan moves to kiss and nibble on his neck. Making sure to leave a mark when he gets close to his clavicle.

After reconnecting their lips and feeling Chan pick him up into his arms Seungmin leans back and blindly scans his room key to push the door open. Still keeping his lips on Chan’s expert ones. He gets thrown on the bed and Chan joins him almost immediately, resuming their make out session.

“Oh my fucking god. First you make out in the hallway, now you’re fucking with the door open.” Jeongin scoffs after seeing them on his way to his room from hanging out with Hyunjin.

“Sorry!” They laugh after pulling away. Laying on the bed to take a breath when Jeongin closes the door for them.

“Okay, I made sure you got back safely. I’m gonna head out.”

“Thanks hyung, you’re so sweet. You don’t wanna stay?”

“Not unless you want to wake up hours before we have to leave.”

“You’re right we’ve been outside for 10 hours, I’m too tired.”

“Good night sweetheart” He kisses him again and walks away before they get carried away.

“Good night hyung. Feel free to come back anytime.” Seungmin gets his packing done in 15 minutes including quadruple checking everything. After spending so much time sightseeing and eating, he falls asleep almost as soon as he finishes drying his hair and doing his nighttime routine. He doesn’t hear Chan unlock his door with the key he stole before he left, and sneak into his bed. Just like the million times Chan has snuck into his bed, Seungmin’s body cuddles into the sudden heat, sighing when he feels arms wrap around him.

When they get back home, they only have a couple of days before ISAC and as promised Seungmin shows up to the studio even before Chan gets there. A breakfast shake in his free hand for the oversleeper. When Changbin comes in from his gym session, Seungmin has already completed most of the tracks Chan needed him for, leaving the rest for him and Jisung to complete.

“I have plans later, so I gotta go. Bye guys.” Seungmin bids them farewell a little bit before lunchtime, aiming for the door when Chan stands up.

“Thanks again for saving my ass babe.” He moves to open the door and walk him out when Seungmin pulls him in for a kiss. Holding his face with both hands to keep him in place.

“I love you. So much.” He whispers against Chan’s lips for the second time in months, shocking the older. The other two completely unknowing thanks to their connected headphones.

“I love you too Seung. Holy shit do I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you more.” Seungmin hugs Chan tightly, he missed this so much.

“What time do you finish? I was hoping I could see you tonight.”

“For you I’ll try to finish early. We have like 3 songs left so I can be finished by 5 if they record quickly.”

“No rush hyung. As long as you finish by 8 I’ll forgive you.”

“I promise I will. See you tonight.”

They take another 5 minutes to finally say goodbye before Chan actually walks him to the elevator.

“What?” He asks the two men now waiting for him to return. Work long pushed aside.

“How is it going? How did the date go? We need deets hyung.” Changbin gets increasingly louder with each question making Chan smile when he remembers how things went two days ago.

“Look at him. The man just left, and he’s already daydreaming about him.” Jisung snickers with Changbin, watching the way chan quietly takes his seat back.

“If I ever get like that with Lix I need you to put me down.” He laughs loudly until Jisung humbles him because

“You’re way worse, don’t do that to yourself hyung.”

Wanting to expedite this now boring process that is usually fun for him, Chan somehow finishes all of his demos by the time 4 comes around. Sure they get to go home early, but Changbin and Jisung haven’t seen him this serious in a while which was very scary. Limiting their joking around to a bare minimum in order to escape his dark energy.

“We’re heading out now, do you want me to get you something? You haven’t eaten in a while.” Changbin offers when he gets his backpack ready.

“M’good. I’ll be out in an hour, so I’ll be fine.”

“Oh yeah, your date with your boyfriend.”

“He’s n- well… soon I hope.”

“Good luck hyung, get your man back!” Jisung pats his back on his way out.

Right before Chan is getting ready to leave, he catches movement from his peripheral and looks down to see a note has been slid under his door.

“ 10th floor garden at 7:45 pm

❤️ your secret admirer ” says the note.

He couldn’t hold his smile back because the handwriting is way too obvious to been a secret admirer.

My Universe ✨

16:54

[Attachment: 1 image]

You couldn’t find someone else to write for you? Your handwriting is so obvious.

16:55
I don’t know what you’re talking about baby 🥰

16:55

Don’t baby me Kim Seungmin. What’s the dress code?

16:57

Again I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I’m assuming whoever sent you that probably wants you to be comfortable but not too casual.

17:01

I see 👀

17:25

Wyd baby?

17:27

Nothing. Just hanging out at home. Wbu my love?

17:28

I finished early, so I just got home.

Wanna come over?

17:30

No can do lover. I’m kind of busy right now. I’ll see you in two hours 🥰

17:31

Not you telling on yourself

17:31

I mean…

I uhh

I’m in Busan rn

17:33

Yeah? Sure. Have fun baby

17:48

Sorry I can’t come over.

Have fun later

I gotta go finish this

17:50

I love you

18:01

Don’t overwork yourself Seung

I’m sure whatever we do will be fun ❤️

I mean… enjoy Busan lol

I love you too

18:30

Maybe I can sneak away and see you for a bit?

18:34

I’ll see you at 7:44 Kim Seungmin

18:40

18:41
KIM SEUNGMIN!!!?

18:42

I was thinking about this lately (all the time actually)

You are like sexy as fuck for real Bang Chan

18:45

GOODBYE! I need to finish getting ready for my date

18:45

Have a good night sexy

18:47

I’m not coming anymore.

Enjoy your night in “Busan”

I don’t even wanna threaten you cause that’ll feed into your lil kink with my body.

18:49

Also this is very much giving Seo Changbin. My arms aren’t that big.

18:50

Use your imagination. I couldn’t find one that looks exactly like you, so this’ll have to do.

18:52

I was rewatching our episode. I was still in awe seeing you in person that day, but you are so beautiful.

18:53

My heart is so full and happy when you do the thing with your body.

18:55

Laughing?
I literally do that everytime you’re around.

18:56

I know, but I especially love when you laugh with your whole body.

Sure you’re always laughing, and I might end up with bruises, but I like seeing you so happy you can’t contain your whole body and you have to distribute all that energy to the next person in the form of a mid-laugh beat down.

19:02

I really wanna fight you sometimes.

Please stop telling me these things or else I’m going to combust.

You always notice shit like this in everyone, but I especially appreciate the way you see me.

Anyone blessed enough to be in your vicinity would be lucky to have you in their life. Especially as a boyfriend.

19:07

What do you mean would be?

I thought we…

I guess, thanks.

Chan is busy getting dressed he forgets to check his phone, not realizing he was texting with Seungmin a little too much and he was running out of time. He leaves the apartment with just enough time to make it to the company.

“Filming in progress, please do not enter.” Is the sign he sees when he reaches the door. Chuckling because it’s a pretty smart way to keep people from disrupting them since a lot of content does get filmed at the company.

Chan waits until the exact time he was told to come before he opens the door to the 10th floor garden. Mouth agape when he sees the new setup.

“Seungmin?” He walks around the usually green garden now filled with fairy lights and bright red roses creating a path.

“Babe?” After following the path of red, he makes it to the edge of the building and finds Seungmin standing in front of a picnic set up with a soft smile.

“Hi.” He holds his hands behind his back and sways, now realizing he’s far too shy to do these types of events for anyone. He doesn’t know how Chan can do this without exploding.

“Hey.” Chan moves closer, stopping when he sees Seungmin take a step back.

“What’s all this? It’s really beautiful.”

“Thanks hyung. I didn’t know if it was too much.”

“It’s not. It’s never too much when you’re around my love.” He reaches out but Seungmin moves yet again.

“What’s wrong baby? Did I do something?”

“No! I’m just… shy.”

“You are sometimes, but not like this. What happened?”

“Okay fine. I feel like I might’ve been too quick to tell you I love you earlier. And then when we were texting I realized I might’ve done too much when you said someone would be lucky to have me as a boyfriend.”

“It’s true though. Anyone would be lucky, but they’re shit out of luck because I’m here. I’m sorry if that made it seem like I didn’t wanna be with you, I do.” He sticks his hand out and Seungmin finally takes it. Moving closer to him and finally pulling him into a hug.

“Sorry I was overreacting. I just didn’t want to do all of this and look desperate if you weren’t interested.”

“Silly goose. I’ve never looked at anyone else in the past 3+ years, nor do I care to do so anytime soon. I can’t wait to see what you have planned.”

Seungmin pulls away from the hug and kisses Chan. Making sure to hold his face in his hands, deepening their lip lock until Chan grabs his waist and pulls him closer. Eventually taking over the kiss and Seungmin’s breath until they pull away.

“I know you haven’t had dinner yet, and the sun is setting in 25 minutes. I figured we could eat and enjoy the sunset together.”

Seungmin explains after they sit down. Chan refusing to let his hand go until they actually start eating.

“In case you’re wondering. I don’t think you said you loved me too early. It was perfect. Just like you. Also you already told me in Japan silly.” Chan has Seungmin between his legs with his back leaning against the edge of the building, giving them the best view of the sunset.

“I do love you.” He turns away from the view to face Chan before telling him the real reason they’re here.

“I really love you Chan. And I know we don’t talk about what happened anymore, but I was wondering…” He holds both of his hands in his, trying to give himself enough courage to finish his train of thought. Chan’s smile ever the encouragement he needs.

“Will you be my boyfriend? Again. Today is supposed to be our 1000th day, and I figured what better way to start over than this? I mean we don’t have to start over, this can just be our new anniversary. Actually I don’t know what I’m saying, I’ve never gotten back together with an ex so I don’t know the protocol. Wow not me just word vomiting all of this without giving you a second to voice yourself. I’m literally rearranging our anniversary before you even tell me whether or not you do want to get back together again. Sorry I’m literally so anno-“ in order to save him from his rambling and spiraling into a sea of negative thoughts, Chan kisses him. He pulls Seungmin to properly sit in his lap and bring him closer before pulling away with a smile.

“You’re done. It’s not even a question, I’m telling you you’re done talking.” His hand holds Seungmin’s blushing cheek.

“I would love to be your boyfriend again gorgeous. I love you beyond infinity or whatever buzz says. As far as the anniversary goes, I think we should start over. This isn’t a reprise of the relationship we had before. which started as adolescent adults. We’re doing life together as men now and things have changed. For one our communication needs to grow so that we can comfortably express how we feel when we feel it. I’m mostly talking to myself, I am working on being more open whether it’s SKZ or us related Y’know? Idk. But yeah that’s my input.” His smile gets wider when he sees Seungmin’s eyes begin to get glossy with unspilled tears.

“I umm I would really like that. All of it. From you being my boyfriend, to starting over and loving each other as grown men. Except one thing…”

“What’s that?” His face is filled with confusion when he tilts it to understand what Seungmin might not agree with.

“It’s not beyond infinity. It’s to infinity and beyond, you clown.” His unbridled laugh scrunches up his eyes, finally letting the tears spill.

“Tch takes one to know one.” Chan has been smiling from the moment they met nearly an hour ago, and his face is starting to feel it. He wipes Seungmin’s face and kisses his cheeks. Pulling him into a soft hug shortly after.

“I have a gift for you.”

“Are there diamonds involved?” He jokes, but Chan’s silence is a little too telling.

“Wait, really? I was kidding. Please don’t buy me expensive things, you already do so much for me.”

“Like I care what you think. Anyways… I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend next week when we go back to Japan, but you foiled my plans yet again.” He reaches over without pulling away from Seungmin to get his small messenger bag closer. A very distinct shade of turquoise blue catching Seungmin’s eye when Chan opens the box for him.

“It doesn’t have diamonds on it, but I thought is was special. Initially it was supposed to be for our 3rd anniversary, but I figured what better way to start a relationship than this? I have a custom pendant still en-route that was supposed to be added to this before you were gonna to see it. That one is actually diamond, so I guess you were right.”

“Why did…? This is really beautiful Chan. I swear it’s never coming off from now on, thank you baby. What’s the additional pendant? You don’t have to say if you want it to be a surprise, I’m just curious.” He plants a few kisses on his lips before pulling back to touch the gold necklace and put it on. With Chan’s help of course.

“It’s a music note. It’s a 4 carat diamond music note. I wanted to incorporate the main thing that brought us together because if it wasn’t for music, I don’t know how long it would’ve taken for us to meet and be gross like we are now.”

“I don’t know about us collectively being gross, but I know you are. You’re so cheesy, I might become lactose intolerant.”

“Shut up, you know you love it. You live for every single cheesy moment. You pretend to hate the movies I like, but when you see a new movie being advertised you always write it down so we can watch it together. I’ve seen your list babe.”

“How did you see it?” Seungmin’s face pales instantly because no one else knows about his ever growing list of (currently) 182 movies he wants to see with Chan that gets smaller with each completion.

“When we were doing Waiting For Us and you wanted to show me what lyrics you had written down. I accidentally fat fingered your tiny ass phone and went back to your notes homepage and I saw it. Movies to see w/ ❤️ pinned at the top in big bold letters. I didn’t open it, but the first movie gave me the idea that that’s exactly what you do. Plus you had just updated it an hour before you came to my studio.”

“Okay fine. So I don’t necessarily hate romantic movies, and I like how they let me peak into that part of you that no one else but I know about, and figure out what you like so much about all the confusion and childhood friends getting together and the meet-cutes and omg the enemies to lovers. You are a very interesting man Bang Chan.”

The sit in silence for a while with Seungmin leaving small kisses on Chan’s face who is clearly working to find the right words to properly express what he wants to say.

“I used to have movie nights with my mom every weekend in Australia, and we would either go see a new movie or have a movie marathon at home. We wouldn’t go to sleep until like 3 am just watching cute and funny movies and sharing our favorite snacks. When I moved here, we used to FaceTime when I got a chance and do it virtually, Hannah joining in sometimes. Once our schedules got busier and I didn’t have my weekends anymore, I would find any means I could to do the one thing that used to bring me calmness and joy. It was my way of maintaining my relationship with her. One night I was watching Leap Year in the living room when a really sad Seungmin approached and wordlessly laid on my chest. He still hasn’t told me what was bothering him and made him cry all those years ago, but I appreciated the lack of judgment when he started watching with me. Before I knew it, he would come sit with me even when I was in my room. Pretending he hated every second of it although he always came back, sometimes with his own suggestions. Obviously I know the plot line is always the same, but the same way Felix bakes to relax, I watch rom-coms.”

“Wow I had no idea the meaning was that deep. And here I was teasing you about being more romantic than Hallmark in December when it was your way of staying connected to your mom while being thousands of miles away.”

“As much as you teased me I never took it seriously. You’re too much of a softie to hurt my feelings, especially when you even initiated movie nights.”

“I thought it was cute. You always have something you need to think about or stress over, so it’s nice to see you completely lose that for a movie that requires no absolute thought for at least an hour and 20 minutes.”

“Hmm I never thought of it like that. It was always something to keep me connected to where I came from and the people I love, but you always see me differently from everyone else. I mean I would hope so, but I love how observant you are sometimes cause it’s true. Besides being with you, it really is one of the few things that helps me destress.”

“I’m glad you have a sacred thing that does that for you, I always worry about you. Especially because you haven’t seen a movie all year until we were in Jersey.”

“I guess that was the first time I really felt like my mind wasn’t spinning constantly, and I wouldn’t fall behind if I took the time. You coming over made it 200 times better.”

Not wanting to miss the moment, Chan takes a few pictures of the night sky that was starting to fully darken and reveal the pretty fairy lights Seungmin had managed to put up all around the garden.

“This has been an amazing day babe, thank you for doing all of this and asking me out so romantically. It was very Hallmark of you. At this point nothing else matters besides sharing my life and my dreams with my bestfriend, and favorite person on this entire planet.”

“I’m glad you liked it Bang. You make me happy, and I’ve decided to stop fighting this feeling. My heart can’t wait to love you properly.”

And Seungmin meant every single word down to his bones. He was no longer afraid of anything else after experiencing what it was like not having Bang Chan in his life for a few months. His family absolutely adored Chan, and his mom even tried to set them up long before they got together. His dad respected the type of man Chan was, and his ability to take responsibility for everyone and his own actions. His sister just thinks he’s hot, but he is a genuinely kind person, so she considers herself their number one fan.

The same goes for Chan’s family. They all absolutely worship Seungmin especially for being able to withstand Chan’s strong mentality and inability to take time for himself. He has always spoken highly of Seungmin even prior to realizing he liked the younger, so of course when his parents met the singer, they couldn’t help gushing over him as well.

So when Seungmin finally realizes that everyone that means anything to him has always supported them, he knows nothing else can come between that.

All those years of Chan telling him these exact thoughts only finally registering when he thought the last time he would get to hold his hand was on their flight to Jeju before everything fell apart.