Chapter Text
“You should smile more.”
Came out of nowhere, snapping Nancy back to reality as she whipped around to find the assailant, nearly breaking her neck in the process. Because truly how was that statement supposed to make someone feel? I should smile more? She scoffs internally. Of f*cking course, I should be smiling right now. Right in this exact moment as the universe was literally imploding on her. Her the amazingly put-together Nancy Wheeler who made no mistakes and toed the line. Nancy freaking Wheeler who got straight A’s and dated boys like Steve “The Hair” Harrington or Jonathan Byers. Straight, boy-loving, prefect, prissy Nancy Wheeler.
Yet here she was, not smiling while making mistakes and being a complete mess. Her hair was falling all too flat she thought as she quickly swiped away the small tears that had started to spill over. The action most definitely smudged her makeup in the process, but she couldn’t bring herself to care as she once again tore her eyes away from Steve and Robin. Turning on her heels, her beyond irritated glare fell on an unexpecting metal head standing less than a foot or two away. Eddie’s face immediately morphed into a look of pure terror as she crossed her arms, narrowing her gaze at the boy, and watched him instantly shrink on impact.
“Now, why would you say that Eddie Munson?” She interrogated elongating his name as it left her lips, basking in his panic as his eyes darted around landing all around her. The brown pupils not once settling upon her own.
“I - I just…” He started, moving his hand up to rub at the back of his neck nervously. “I like seeing my friends smile?” He offered with a small forced grin as he met her onlooking eyes scanning them for the hostility that he quickly found.
“Oh, ohhh is that so?” Nancy asked with raised eyebrows.
“Yeah! Besides fake smiles help the mood.” He said lifting his hands up in a shrug as he turned his attention to the ground digging his heel into the dirt before continuing. “You know, if it makes you feel any better I’m not smiling all that much either.”
“And what makes you think I need to “help my mood” hmmm?” She questioned pressing her lips into a tight line, her annoyance growing at his assumptions.
“Come on, Wheeler, you’re not exactly coy with your displeasure.” He said leveling with her. Shocking her into silence as she risked a glance at the couple.
Big mistake.
Her vision was soon filled with oh-so-cocky Steve leaning into Robin whispering ever so slowly in her ear and making Nancy’s blood boil. Yet, it was apparently something quite hilarious as Robin bellowed out in laughter. Her chuckling form leaned back and grabbed at her abdomen in amusement causing Nancy to feel as if she was being engulfed in flames. Come on, Steve is not that funny, she raged momentarily as Robin threw her head back in laughter, short-circuiting the smaller girl’s thoughts. She couldn’t tear her gaze away from the exposed neck that became taunt with each chuckle as the muscles rippled below tossing Robin’s sweet giggles through Nancy’s eavesdropping ears. The sound that was once heaven to her ears now became her bane as it stifled her flames within. The smoke thickening within her airways quickly became too much as Nancy felt her throat tighten with a gasp as they were choking closed. Fresh tears stinging at her eyes demanding to break free as her throat burned on.
No, no, not here.
She thought dragging her eyes to the dirt beneath her and stubbing her white sneakers at it knowing she’d just have to clean them later. She dug deeper and deeper allowing the dust to cling to her once white shoes in frustration as her heart ached more and more to be the reason for the laughter falling from Robin’s lips. The small pit her shoe was making kept growing as she longed to be Steve.
Wait, what?! She thought halting to a complete stop in utter shock.
She didn't actually want to be Steve Harrington. No, no, she just wanted to make Robin happy was all, platonically, of course. With a capital P. That’s what friends dreamed of for one another, right?
“Uh, Nancy?” Eddie mumbled, slowly ducking down in a fleeting attempt to catch her eye.
Reactively clearing her throat Nancy stood up straighter fixing her gaze past him to her car, her escape.
“My mother needs me at home, I’ll see you later." She lied, quickly adding a "give them my goodbyes”.
Then without another word or glance, she set her sights beelining for her car parked on the street. Brushing past Eddie with ease as he mumbled a quick goodbye. She nearly reached the handle when she heard the two yelling out behind her back. Steve’s voice came first, shouting out and making her pick up her pace with a mumbled string of curses. Robin’s voice trailed behind it with a simple “Nancy!” as if she wasn’t completely and utterly breaking Nancy. She ignored them trudging on and acting as if she didn’t hear their shouts. As she pulled her car door open and frantically ducked inside she knew that they would know better. That they knew Nancy would have been able to hear them clear as day, after all she hadn’t been that far away from where they had stood by the front steps of Steve’s parent's house. But for now, they let her be and she turned out onto the road with no intentions of going home. The tears exploded instantaneously as she drove away. Pushing the pedal closer to the floor she put as much distance as she could between herself and the couple. Between herself and Robin.
This can not be happening.
She thought as the tears flowed faster than her car could go. She continued on like this as Hawkins flew by with each sob. Her thoughts flew by with it as she ever so slowly came to the realization that it was time to move on, to go it alone. The heartbreaking fact was that Robin was happy with Steve and that if Nancy was a true friend, she had to be happy for the both of them. They were both her friends after all and she wanted them happy more than anything. Especially Robin Buckley and if that was with Steve then so be it, she would have to learn to be happy for them.
But it wasn’t ever that easy, it never was. She knew deep down that what she felt wasn’t right. It was not happiness at all, it was pure agony. She knew that she couldn’t offer them her blessing or stand to pretend to be happy around them and they didn’t deserve that. They deserved the absolute best. And she knew that the only way to give them that was to stay away. Was to get as far away from them as possible and never look back. Besides, they wouldn’t miss her with how entangled in each other they were. She thought as the image of Steve lovely whispering into Robin's ear flashed across her mind, growing the lump in her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut as the memory of Robin's face erupting in laughter took over, forcing her sobs to continue. The deep agony grew with each tear like a blossoming sapling, clenching at her chest impossibly harder and feeding off her despair as she was forced to remember what true heartbreak felt like. Something which she hadn’t felt in such a long time, since Barb. Her heart ached at the thought of her lost best friends as she drove faster.
Yet, she couldn’t help but chuckle at it all, at all the cruelty. After all, Nancy had known that it was all too good to be true in both timeframes. That no one like her could ever deserve someone so amazingly stunning in her life like Robin or Barb. She would always remember this heavily after Barb’s murder. Reminding herself just how undeserving she was at every shared inside joke or giggle fit with Robin, knowing just how much this wasn’t meant for her. The guilt always gnawing away at her from the inside out. She didn’t deserve to be happy, she deserved to be punished for her carelessness and left to die alone where she couldn’t hurt anyone.
Stuck in thought, Nancy glanced out her window as she drove past the leaving Hawkins sign, sighing out into the humming car around her. It was then that Nancy realized it was maybe time to take a break from not just Robin and Steve, but Hawkins altogether. Maybe it’d be best. So setting her mind, she started the car to the family's nearby cabin, telling herself she would stay for as long as she needed to recollect herself. It was best this way, she thought trying to believe it herself.
Wheeler’s are strong and independent, Nancy, it’s time to act like it.